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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

I was once offered the job of being Agony Aunt for a swinging magazine… until I told them to shove it! … Anyway, I thought I would offer my caring, compassionate wealth of wisdom to you lot… for all of your swinging related problems.

I'm kind like that I am

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Excuse my ignorance but what is Bukkake?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie

Some people think im a little too serious at times but surely life is all about being serious isnt it??

Concerned and worried in stoke xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Excuse my ignorance but what is Bukkake?

"

Na ya dunna want ta be doing that its wank xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thats not an answer lol just wanna know what it is so i know what other peeps are talkin bout

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thats not an answer lol just wanna know what it is so i know what other peeps are talkin bout"

looks like auntie polo has gone missing ......nanny jane will answer !!!

bukkake is a sexual practice that features a person, usually a woman, being ejaculated on by several men....

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Excuse my ignorance but what is Bukkake?

"

Dear Ignorant of Welling

Bukkake (taken from a Japanese phrase BUcKet woman wanK Around her but Keep your cock wEll out)…. came about (no pun intended) as a result of a wallpaper paste fetish lady posting photos onto the internet. People misinterpreted the photos and it was thought to be a version of extreme safe sex for men who want to attend bareback gang bangs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Excuse my ignorance but what is Bukkake?

Dear Ignorant of Welling

Bukkake (taken from a Japanese phrase BUcKet woman wanK Around her but Keep your cock wEll out)…. came about (no pun intended) as a result of a wallpaper paste fetish lady posting photos onto the internet. People misinterpreted the photos and it was thought to be a version of extreme safe sex for men who want to attend bareback gang bangs.

"

great answer !!!! much better than my effort !

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie

Some people think im a little too serious at times but surely life is all about being serious isnt it??

Concerned and worried in stoke xx"

Dear Worried about it being too little of Stoke

Are you sure they didn't say "seriously too little" instead of "little too serious"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you, i now know what peeps are referrin to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie

Some people think im a little too serious at times but surely life is all about being serious isnt it??

Concerned and worried in stoke xx

Dear Worried about it being too little of Stoke

Are you sure they didn't say "seriously too little" instead of "little too serious" "

Ohh thanks for puttin me mind at rest xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie Polo, are you really my Auntie and do you know where I've put the Car keys

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo, are you really my Auntie and do you know where I've put the Car keys "

Dear Forgetful of Stalking

Whilst you may feel a connection with the personas you interact with in cyber space… it’s fairly safe to say we are not related.

As for your car keys, they will be where they are at.... try looking there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie Polo,

I have been on a learning course for some months. As ever I have both prioritised and procrastinated and pissed about on here.

I have a deadline for Tuesday and have not yet started. Unless I invest heavily in time and focus - I am fucked.

Why do I not worry about things ?

Why can I NOT stop peeking in here?

Thanking you in aunti piss station

Gran x

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


" Dear Auntie Polo,

I have been on a learning course for some months. As ever I have both prioritised and procrastinated and pissed about on here.

I have a deadline for Tuesday and have not yet started. Unless I invest heavily in time and focus - I am fucked.

Why do I not worry about things ?

Why can I NOT stop peeking in here?

Thanking you in aunti piss station

Gran x"

Dear Grannpissitation of Scouserland

It is interesting to read your use and placement of the term “I am fucked”. Your distraction from your work seems to be driven by an underlying sub-conscious desire to get shagged good n proper. The latent desires may well be hidden but are far from dormant. Have a 10 minute lady-wank and see if that helps your concentration.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Dear Auntie Polo

I wuvs you.....

Is this a problem?

Walter the Softie

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo

I wuvs you.....

Is this a problem?

Walter the Softie "

Dear Softie of too close

Get a grip man! "Wuvs" isn't a word!

Beat your penis with a wooden spoon 50 times repeating "I am weak, I am useless, dirty tinkle" then dress in your mothers clothes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Aunty Polo

I have dilema...I can't make my mind up and it's driving me crazy...water or oil based lube?

I just don't know...help!!

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By *aintmikeMan
over a year ago

glasgow


"Dear Auntie Polo

I wuvs you.....

Is this a problem?

Walter the Softie

Dear Softie of too close

Get a grip man! "Wuvs" isn't a word!

Beat your penis with a wooden spoon 50 times repeating "I am weak, I am useless, dirty tinkle" then dress in your mothers clothes."

HAHA,, really enjoying the banter,, keep it going,,, I'm on the backbenches now,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie Polo.

Although these forums are improving vastly I have to admit to missing certain ex members, who can I play games with now.

Desperate and lonely of tongue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear auntie

I'm at the park with my nine year old daughter as I write this

And too be truthful I'm bored (there isn't even any skirt ta perv)

I would use the playground equipment but it's all much too big and scary for me

Do you think you could start a petition to have local councils cater better for short people?

Yours always

bored shitless of Stoke

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Aunty Polo

I have dilema...I can't make my mind up and it's driving me crazy...water or oil based lube?

I just don't know...help!!"

Dear Dilemma of London

This really is a dilemma as the wrong choice can have serious consequences.

Water based lubes are much safer if they are to come into contact with condoms. Some oil based lube which may also contain silicone do last longer and give superior slide, but may react with the condom and cause rapid obliteration of the protective sheath. Some non-water based lubes can also react when used with silicone based toys, destabilising the structure and distorting the shape. In the interest of safety, I’d suggest a high quality water based lubricant for use on yourself and for the toys used on you. For the man/men you may be entertaining…. just gob a bit of spit on them.

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo.

Although these forums are improving vastly I have to admit to missing certain ex members, who can I play games with now.

Desperate and lonely of tongue. "

Dear Desperate.....

Take the hint!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/07/10 11:51:34]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie Polo,

Been reading ya advice and it's got me so turned on that I've gone searching google for Auntie Polo'ish nudie photos so I can bash me bishop. It's ya all-knowing domineering style that's getting me so fired up so can I shag ya please and, if that's not do-able, can ya send me some photos to knock one out over.

Cheers

Gonad Grappler from Gateshead.

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear auntie

I'm at the park with my nine year old daughter as I write this

And too be truthful I'm bored (there isn't even any skirt ta perv)

I would use the playground equipment but it's all much too big and scary for me

Do you think you could start a petition to have local councils cater better for short people?

Yours always

bored shitless of Stoke"

Dear Shit in Stoke

I fear I have bad news. Rather than catering more for shortarsed folk, government cutbacks will see swing chains/ropes reduced by 30% ... resulting in the swing seat being over 3 foot from the ground.

No swinging for you then!

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo,

Been reading ya advice and it's got me so turned on that I've gone searching google for Auntie Polo'ish nudie photos so I can bash me bishop. It's ya all-knowing domineering style that's getting me so fired up so can I shag ya please and, if that's not do-able, can ya send me some photos to knock one out over.

Cheers

Gonad Grappler from Gateshead."

Dear GonadHead Gate from Grappler

Certainly NOT!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

psst... private transactions, round the back door at 6pm

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Dear Auntie Polo

My brother is marrying a stupid skanky boring chav.

Obviously he is deeply in love with this semi-literate cretinous lump of oxygen-stealing moron, so I have to be cautious in how I approach the issue when I try and talk him out of it.

Can you suggest some suitable phrases?

Yours truly

A Liar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lol this is all soooo funny & clever!

Your all making my hang-over so much better.

Cheers

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo

My brother is marrying a stupid skanky boring chav.

Obviously he is deeply in love with this semi-literate cretinous lump of oxygen-stealing moron, so I have to be cautious in how I approach the issue when I try and talk him out of it.

Can you suggest some suitable phrases?

Yours truly

A Liar"

Dear soon to be Chav-in-law

Have you tried contacting the Jermey Kyle show?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod

over a year ago

O o O oo

Dear Auntie Polo......should I feed the guest sausage or bacon on toast before he leaves?

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo......should I feed the guest sausage or bacon on toast before he leaves?"

Dear Pig-Killer of Rugby

You do have a few options to choose from. To help you, may be you should consider...

Did he give you a good bang(er) with his sausage or has he left you with a rash(er) from his streaky meat.

Have you thought of poached egg?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear auntie

Even though I hate football I have a strong fetish for England suporter knickers

And was wondering if you could send me some please

(Preferably unwashed)

Many thanks

perv of Stoke xx

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear auntie

Even though I hate football I have a strong fetish for England suporter knickers

And was wondering if you could send me some please

(Preferably unwashed)

Many thanks

perv of Stoke xx "

Dear Perv of Stoke

Certainly NOT!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

psst... private transactions, round the back door at 6pm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perv of Stoke:

Fuck off, I was here first!

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By *arnaclebillMan
over a year ago

Robin Hood County


"Thank you, i now know what peeps are referrin to "

Excuse my ignorance what are peeps?

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By *im53Man
over a year ago

Boldon

see i have the right door wishy and shorty here already

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By *ollie_JCouple
over a year ago

London


"Thank you, i now know what peeps are referrin to

Excuse my ignorance what are peeps?"

People

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear auntie Polo, I have a new strap on and would like to try it out on a guy, how do I approach him with this?

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By *im53Man
over a year ago

Boldon


"Dear auntie Polo, I have a new strap on and would like to try it out on a guy, how do I approach him with this?

"

quietly from behind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dear auntie Polo, I have a new strap on and would like to try it out on a guy, how do I approach him with this?

quietly from behind "

I'm glad you didn't suggest a run up to it!

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear auntie Polo, I have a new strap on and would like to try it out on a guy, how do I approach him with this?

"

Dear Dick-Lady of Up There

Most men are at their most receptive to new activities immediately after ejaculation; by ‘receptive’ I mean least able to put up any physical resistance. Tell the intended recipient to roll onto their front so you can massage their back (*whisper* passage). Prepare the intended target area with a glob of spit and position yourself on a suitable piece of bedroom furniture… please note it is probably sensible to eliminate the top of the wardrobe from this selection, with it being your first attempt. Before leaping it is a good idea to do a final safety check of the harness fastenings. Once this is done you may call to the recipient that you wish them to move down the bed a few inches. With the correct timing, during the shuffle down the bed, they will lift their hips, giving clearer access to the rusty sheriffs badge and away you go …… remember to shout “Geronimo!”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dear auntie Polo, I have a new strap on and would like to try it out on a guy, how do I approach him with this?

Dear Dick-Lady of Up There

Most men are at their most receptive to new activities immediately after ejaculation; by ‘receptive’ I mean least able to put up any physical resistance. Tell the intended recipient to roll onto their front so you can massage their back (*whisper* passage). Prepare the intended target area with a glob of spit and position yourself on a suitable piece of bedroom furniture… please note it is probably sensible to eliminate the top of the wardrobe from this selection, with it being your first attempt. Before leaping it is a good idea to do a final safety check of the harness fastenings. Once this is done you may call to the recipient that you wish them to move down the bed a few inches. With the correct timing, during the shuffle down the bed, they will lift their hips, giving clearer access to the rusty sheriffs badge and away you go …… remember to shout “Geronimo!”"

...... and the new strap on now has a name!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dear auntie Polo, I have a new strap on and would like to try it out on a guy, how do I approach him with this?

Dear Dick-Lady of Up There

Most men are at their most receptive to new activities immediately after ejaculation; by ‘receptive’ I mean least able to put up any physical resistance. Tell the intended recipient to roll onto their front so you can massage their back (*whisper* passage). Prepare the intended target area with a glob of spit and position yourself on a suitable piece of bedroom furniture… please note it is probably sensible to eliminate the top of the wardrobe from this selection, with it being your first attempt. Before leaping it is a good idea to do a final safety check of the harness fastenings. Once this is done you may call to the recipient that you wish them to move down the bed a few inches. With the correct timing, during the shuffle down the bed, they will lift their hips, giving clearer access to the rusty sheriffs badge and away you go …… remember to shout “Geronimo!”

...... and the new strap on now has a name! "

One of mine I've named Goliath: guess why?!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Aunt Polo

Its that time of the month again and hubby wont touch me with a bargepole let alone his sticky out bit and ive run out of AA batteries as the local shop has closed early.

My question is should i go with the go with the hairbrush and washing machine combo or get the old man d*unk then jump him as he's nodding off to sleep later tonight ??

Yours shoving washing into the machine quickly of Exeter xxx xxx lol

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Aunt Polo

Its that time of the month again and hubby wont touch me with a bargepole let alone his sticky out bit and ive run out of AA batteries as the local shop has closed early.

My question is should i go with the go with the hairbrush and washing machine combo or get the old man d*unk then jump him as he's nodding off to sleep later tonight ??

Yours shoving washing into the machine quickly of Exeter xxx xxx lol"

Dear Gagging of Exeter

Get him d*unk NOW.... but don't bother making do with a semi-floppy.... put a 'Meet Today' request up and get a desperate single guy to shag you and do your washing... he might even give the place a going over with a duster if you have nice tits.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thankyou for the advice, have started plying hubby with lots of drink and have had 2 single guys contact me.

1 Sounds middle european very mysterious calling himself the Count, on about flying over later tonight after dark ? (must have his own jet and worried about neighbours seeing him arrive)

2 Sounds a little strange kept going on about what time did i think hubby was going to pass out, think his keyboard must be missing some letters as he keeps saying bi and not bye silly sod lol xxx Lois xxx

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"Dear soon to be Chav-in-law

Have you tried contacting the Jermey Kyle show?"

No, I'm not a chav.

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear soon to be Chav-in-law

Have you tried contacting the Jermey Kyle show?

No, I'm not a chav.

"

Dear soon to be Chav-in-Law

Don't worry about not being a chav... they make all the people who own a shirt/full set of teeth sit in the audience.

There is a show they are currently looking for 'guests' to appear on, I believe it is going to be called "My bro is marrying a chav... I want her DNA tested to see if she's human"... it might be worth a shot.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Dear Auntie Polo (that sounds so wrong)

Please help, i have no more room for my shoes, also when im online, people message me and its clear they havent read my profile

Please help

The Femme that is Fatale xx

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo (that sounds so wrong)

Please help, i have no more room for my shoes, also when im online, people message me and its clear they havent read my profile

Please help

The Femme that is Fatale xx "

Dear Flat-Ale from Femme

I have given some thought to both parts of your question:

1 - There is always room for shoes, you just haven't given up enough of your living space to them yet. Do you really need a fridge, a washing machine, cupboards in the kitchen... you have loads of room left if you look hard enough.....especially if you buy flip flops.

2 - Remove all of the typing from your profile and you will remove the problem of people not reading it.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"Dear Auntie Polo (that sounds so wrong)

Please help, i have no more room for my shoes, also when im online, people message me and its clear they havent read my profile

Please help

The Femme that is Fatale xx

Dear Flat-Ale from Femme

I have given some thought to both parts of your question:

1 - There is always room for shoes, you just haven't given up enough of your living space to them yet. Do you really need a fridge, a washing machine, cupboards in the kitchen... you have loads of room left if you look hard enough.....especially if you buy flip flops.

2 - Remove all of the typing from your profile and you will remove the problem of people not reading it."

Flip flops.....well there was no need for profanity

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"

Flip flops.....well there was no need for profanity "

The truth sometimes hurts... and I believe in tough love (but that's for a totally different thread)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Aunty Polo,

I'm in turmoil and need your expert advice.

I've been asked to sign up for a charity night, my role involes me joining 10 of my mates in a 'Riverdance' theme on stage, the word on the street is, we're expected to flash our 'Shilleleigh's' at the end, mine never gets to see the light of day, what should I do?

Paddy x

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Aunty Polo,

I'm in turmoil and need your expert advice.

I've been asked to sign up for a charity night, my role involes me joining 10 of my mates in a 'Riverdance' theme on stage, the word on the street is, we're expected to flash our 'Shilleleigh's' at the end, mine never gets to see the light of day, what should I do?

Paddy x"

Dear Paddy of Turmoil

You are confusing me with someone who cares..... now if your question was about being asked to get ya cock out, I'd be happy to give advice.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

dear auntie polo

after mrs saucy cums,all she wants to do is sleep.is this natural.someday i hope to witness this myself.

inadequate up north

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"dear auntie polo

after mrs saucy cums,all she wants to do is sleep.is this natural.someday i hope to witness this myself.

inadequate up north"

Dear inadequate of Scotland

It is perfectly natural for a person to fall asleep after they climax……… if they are a man!

It may be that your *cough* wife has a gender identity issue…. have you tried taking her up the shitter?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Aunty Polo

was with a meet recently and at the height of pleasure, he dismounted, rushed to my wardrobe and whacked his cock against it with some considerable force to the point of ejaculation.

apparently this is normal practice.

should i therefore, being a total pleasure giver, be treating all my future meets to a hefty piece of 4x8 on their cocks to save them the effort of pleasuring themselves?

i have a b&q card so wouldn't be a problem.

any tips?

woody of hardware

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow


"dear auntie polo

after mrs saucy cums,all she wants to do is sleep.is this natural.someday i hope to witness this myself.

inadequate up north

Dear inadequate of Scotland

It is perfectly natural for a person to fall asleep after they climax……… if they are a man!

It may be that your *cough* wife has a gender identity issue…. have you tried taking her up the shitter?

"

dear auntie polo

thanks i think you have identified the problem.i have married a guy.although he does look fantastic,in heels,mini,and low cut top.i hope your cough clears up soon.

greatfull inadequate up north.

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By *lumsy colinMan
over a year ago

basingstoke

Dear Aunty

Can you help me with a bit of a delicate problem thati have pondered most of my life .When lesbians are engaging in sex how do they know when it is time to stop?

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Aunty Polo

was with a meet recently and at the height of pleasure, he dismounted, rushed to my wardrobe and whacked his cock against it with some considerable force to the point of ejaculation.

apparently this is normal practice.

should i therefore, being a total pleasure giver, be treating all my future meets to a hefty piece of 4x8 on their cocks to save them the effort of pleasuring themselves?

i have a b&q card so wouldn't be a problem.

any tips?

woody of hardware"

Dear Hardwearing of West Woods

The practise of wardrobe door beating with a penis is not common practice. However, I feel I must apologies for the abnormal behaviour of your playmate as a misunderstanding may have occurred due to an earlier issue of Ask Auntie. In reply to Hard-up of Dorking (issue 174 January 2010) a reply was given to the question “how do I make a woman feel good” which resulted in a number of lower than average IQ males becoming confused by the advice given. When I replied “…. Don’t forget to pay attention to her wardrobe” I had meant he should compliment her on her outfits.

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Aunty

Can you help me with a bit of a delicate problem thati have pondered most of my life .When lesbians are engaging in sex how do they know when it is time to stop?"

Dear Clueless of FuryCupLand

In the cases of any lesbo action you may have witnessed.... they stopped when the Director said "cut".

In real life however, the point of stopping is pretty much the same as when a hetro woman would know it's time to stop....... when the batteries have run out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dear Aunty

Can you help me with a bit of a delicate problem thati have pondered most of my life .When lesbians are engaging in sex how do they know when it is time to stop?"

why wud a woman want 2 stop?? lol

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By *ig badMan
over a year ago

Up North :-)

Dear Auntie Polo,

How do you fix someone with a shoe fetish?

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo,

How do you fix someone with a shoe fetish? "

Dear Stupid of Where-Ever!

You don't 'fix' them ......... you buy them shoes!

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By *ig badMan
over a year ago

Up North :-)


"Dear Auntie Polo,

How do you fix someone with a shoe fetish?

Dear Stupid of Where-Ever!

You don't 'fix' them ......... you buy them shoes!"

Hell fire that's like giving Gin to a pop guzzler!

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo,

How do you fix someone with a shoe fetish?

Dear Stupid of Where-Ever!

You don't 'fix' them ......... you buy them shoes!

Hell fire that's like giving Gin to a pop guzzler! "

Not at all... it's more like putting fuel in an engine, water in a fish tank and loo roll in the toilet.

You put the something in and in return you get an exhilarating ride, something beautiful to look at and a clean arse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie Polo

I have a problem i keep thinking im a pair of binoculars should i keep my focus or is it something you can look into?

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo

I have a problem i keep thinking im a pair of binoculars should i keep my focus or is it something you can look into?

"

Dear Confused of Hull

Your profile says your are straight. Baring in mind your recent thoughts, you may want to change it to at least curious.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

opps no more rubbish jokes i promise hehe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wish i said telescope now i didn't realise that bad choice of word lol

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

Dear Auntie Polo

I went shopping today, cash from hubbys wallet in my purse and bought lots of lovely stuff from Calvin Klein.

My problem is that I appear to have lost my obession with shoes and didn't see one pair I fancied. Also, I didn't buy a handbag or any nice girlie sunglasses. I live in Cheltenham ffs. This can't go on.

I'm scared.

Help

Yours

Obessionless of Cheltenham

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo

I went shopping today, cash from hubbys wallet in my purse and bought lots of lovely stuff from Calvin Klein.

My problem is that I appear to have lost my obession with shoes and didn't see one pair I fancied. Also, I didn't buy a handbag or any nice girlie sunglasses. I live in Cheltenham ffs. This can't go on.

I'm scared.

Help

Yours

Obessionless of Cheltenham"

Dear Seriously ill of Cheltenham

My advice is to seek psychiatric help.... IMMEDIATLY!

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By *ig badMan
over a year ago

Up North :-)


"Dear Auntie Polo

I went shopping today, cash from hubbys wallet in my purse and bought lots of lovely stuff from Calvin Klein.

My problem is that I appear to have lost my obession with shoes and didn't see one pair I fancied. Also, I didn't buy a handbag or any nice girlie sunglasses. I live in Cheltenham ffs. This can't go on.

I'm scared.

Help

Yours

Obessionless of Cheltenham"

What ever bug you have caught any chance of passing it on!

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus


"Dear Auntie Polo

I went shopping today, cash from hubbys wallet in my purse and bought lots of lovely stuff from Calvin Klein.

My problem is that I appear to have lost my obession with shoes and didn't see one pair I fancied. Also, I didn't buy a handbag or any nice girlie sunglasses. I live in Cheltenham ffs. This can't go on.

I'm scared.

Help

Yours

Obessionless of Cheltenham

What ever bug you have caught any chance of passing it on! "

No chance matey......

And I need Femme to be my psychiatrist.

She is the only one I know who can cure me.

**And who let you out of ya box to come up with that disgusting suggestion?**

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thats not an answer lol just wanna know what it is so i know what other peeps are talkin bout"

Bukkakae is a spunk party hun

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear ants

How can I get my partner to keep her boots on when we are having sex in thebedroom?She can w ait to get them off I love her to keep them on, what must I do?

Yours angry of Scotland.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie Polo Of Leicester,

Oh God I need help....I have developed an unnatural urge......every time I hear the tiny pitter patter of Penny sized footsteps descending down the stairs.....I hide behind the sofa and pull a blanket over me in the hope I cannot be seen......it is ruining my life.....every time I have a visitor and things start to move in an erotic direction.....there they are.....footsteps......well....as you can imagine......once I leap, half naked behind the sofa, gibbering like a lunatic....erotic flies out of the window, quickly followed by my guests.

Kill the cat!! I hear you scream.....Oh, How I have tried....and tried....and tried.....fecking cat is possessed by BeElzebub and refuses to die or to stop scaring me.

Even the local priest is scared of it.

Auntie Polo, I have not been this terrified since the daleks tried to exterminate Patrick Troughton.

What Can I do? What is to become of me?

Yours

Petrified of Scotland

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else


"Dear Auntie Polo Of Leicester,

Oh God I need help....I have developed an unnatural urge......every time I hear the tiny pitter patter of Penny sized footsteps descending down the stairs.....I hide behind the sofa and pull a blanket over me in the hope I cannot be seen......it is ruining my life.....every time I have a visitor and things start to move in an erotic direction.....there they are.....footsteps......well....as you can imagine......once I leap, half naked behind the sofa, gibbering like a lunatic....erotic flies out of the window, quickly followed by my guests.

Kill the cat!! I hear you scream.....Oh, How I have tried....and tried....and tried.....fecking cat is possessed by BeElzebub and refuses to die or to stop scaring me.

Even the local priest is scared of it.

Auntie Polo, I have not been this terrified since the daleks tried to exterminate Patrick Troughton.

What Can I do? What is to become of me?

Yours

Petrified of Scotland "

You're pussy-whipped. Welcome to reality.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm still waiting for advice on the latter part of your reply?

Paddy

xx


"Aunty Polo,

I'm in turmoil and need your expert advice.

I've been asked to sign up for a charity night, my role involes me joining 10 of my mates in a 'Riverdance' theme on stage, the word on the street is, we're expected to flash our 'Shilleleigh's' at the end, mine never gets to see the light of day, what should I do?

Paddy x

Dear Paddy of Turmoil

You are confusing me with someone who cares..... now if your question was about being asked to get ya cock out, I'd be happy to give advice."

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


" Dear ants

How can I get my partner to keep her boots on when we are having sex in thebedroom?She can w ait to get them off I love her to keep them on, what must I do?

Yours angry of Scotland.

"

Dear too lazy to type Auntie

Try superglue!

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo Of Leicester,

Oh God I need help....I have developed an unnatural urge......every time I hear the tiny pitter patter of Penny sized footsteps descending down the stairs.....I hide behind the sofa and pull a blanket over me in the hope I cannot be seen......it is ruining my life.....every time I have a visitor and things start to move in an erotic direction.....there they are.....footsteps......well....as you can imagine......once I leap, half naked behind the sofa, gibbering like a lunatic....erotic flies out of the window, quickly followed by my guests.

Kill the cat!! I hear you scream.....Oh, How I have tried....and tried....and tried.....fecking cat is possessed by BeElzebub and refuses to die or to stop scaring me.

Even the local priest is scared of it.

Auntie Polo, I have not been this terrified since the daleks tried to exterminate Patrick Troughton.

What Can I do? What is to become of me?

Yours

Petrified of Scotland "

Dear Petrified of Scotland

Try Kitty-Slippers, then you won't hear the pitter patter of kitty feet.

PS.... also try closing the window to stop erotic and your guest getting out of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie,

I recently had to have my testicles removed surgically but to ensure that everything 'felt' ok down there they replaced them a couple of small onions. My problem is that now when I see a naked woman nothing happens but... if a cheese sandwich happens to chance along!!

What should I do?

Pickled from Cheddar

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie,

I recently had to have my testicles removed surgically but to ensure that everything 'felt' ok down there they replaced them a couple of small onions. My problem is that now when I see a naked woman nothing happens but... if a cheese sandwich happens to chance along!!

What should I do?

Pickled from Cheddar"

Dear Onion Sacks of Tearful Tyneside

In the short term to alleviate your cheesey arousal, think about chutney… you know how they make chutney don’t you!

In the longer term I recommend reconstructive surgery. Whilst gonad implants are available, may I suggest you opt for a set of breast implants in your scrotum sack (nothing too big or it might impair walking – something like the equivalent of a 32C).

I really shouldn’t need to explain the vast number of benefits to having a pair of tits under your togger…. though the male morning ball rub may take a little longer than usual.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dear Auntie Polo Of Leicester,

Oh God I need help....I have developed an unnatural urge......every time I hear the tiny pitter patter of Penny sized footsteps descending down the stairs.....I hide behind the sofa and pull a blanket over me in the hope I cannot be seen......it is ruining my life.....every time I have a visitor and things start to move in an erotic direction.....there they are.....footsteps......well....as you can imagine......once I leap, half naked behind the sofa, gibbering like a lunatic....erotic flies out of the window, quickly followed by my guests.

Kill the cat!! I hear you scream.....Oh, How I have tried....and tried....and tried.....fecking cat is possessed by BeElzebub and refuses to die or to stop scaring me.

Even the local priest is scared of it.

Auntie Polo, I have not been this terrified since the daleks tried to exterminate Patrick Troughton.

What Can I do? What is to become of me?

Yours

Petrified of Scotland

Dear Petrified of Scotland

Try Kitty-Slippers, then you won't hear the pitter patter of kitty feet.

PS.... also try closing the window to stop erotic and your guest getting out of it."

Cheers for that Auntie.....slippers are working a treat....only problem now is the little fecker sinks it's teeth into my ass as my friends and I fnally managed to get nekkid on the sofa......booked it into the vet for teeth removal, I've gone for the cheap option of pliers and no anaesthetic

Now I just need help on dealing with the farmer who is threatening to chop of my todger with the blunt end of his combine

if he ever hears that I am waving it at his daughter again.....Auntie...I just have to tell you that I cannot help myself....every time I hear or see her tractor I just find myself stripping off and standing at the window..todger in hand...waving it at her with gay reckless abandon as she passes by......should I be on medication? Perhaps I should chop off my balls and replace them with onions??....but a friend of mine tells me I may have problems with cheese sandwiches if I go down that route

Helpless of Old McDonald's Farm

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"

Cheers for that Auntie.....slippers are working a treat....only problem now is the little fecker sinks it's teeth into my ass as my friends and I fnally managed to get nekkid on the sofa......booked it into the vet for teeth removal, I've gone for the cheap option of pliers and no anaesthetic

Now I just need help on dealing with the farmer who is threatening to chop of my todger with the blunt end of his combine

if he ever hears that I am waving it at his daughter again.....Auntie...I just have to tell you that I cannot help myself....every time I hear or see her tractor I just find myself stripping off and standing at the window..todger in hand...waving it at her with gay reckless abandon as she passes by......should I be on medication? Perhaps I should chop off my balls and replace them with onions??....but a friend of mine tells me I may have problems with cheese sandwiches if I go down that route

Helpless of Old McDonald's Farm "

Dear Chicken McNuggets of McDonalds

As well as the kitty, you could try the option of pliers and no anaesthetic on the farmer too.... or learn to wave quietly so he doesn't hear you waving.

However, may I suggest you try waving your trouser snake at her with 'hetro' reckless abandon rather than 'gay'... or she may become confused and think you were waiting for her dad and his threshing machine to pass by.

I shouldn't worry about whether your behaviour is normal... in that part of the world men do strange things. You could try wearing a check skirt for when she passes, apparently a lot of men up there do that sort of thing and it does not inhibit phallus flashing.

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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago

Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else

Dear Auntie Polo

I am afflicted with the sarcasm gene, and as I sense from your responses to others that you have it too, I was wondering what your top five techniques for keeping it under control were?

Thanks

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo

I am afflicted with the sarcasm gene, and as I sense from your responses to others that you have it too, I was wondering what your top five techniques for keeping it under control were?

Thanks

"

Dear man who Wilts

It is often said that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. However, one will usually find it is only boring fuckers with no sense of humour and an inability to think of anything witty to say who say such things.

Embrace the beauty of your gift and nurture it. Allow it to run wild and free like a child in a meadow… just make sure it doesn’t run through dog shit and tread it into the house.

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow

dear auntie polo

i have always suffered from,a genetic condition.making me good looking,and extremely attractive,to the opposite sex.

i was told as i got older,this condition would ease,and eventually wouldn't effect me at all.

but on the contrary,it's getting worse.females now find me more attractive,and sexy.they say they cant resist,copping a feel of my arse,and hoping,nay wishing.i would,have sex with them.

i don't really,have a problem.

i just want to tell everybody.

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

Dear Auntie Polo, I just got married before Christmas and I have the most wonderful in-laws(_aucy3)... but after a recent night out they have shunned me.... what can I do to get my father in law in the sack??

Yours sincerely (needing reassurance)

fmmmmm, hell I can't even write my name anymore!!!!!!

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By *ornwall-maleMan
over a year ago

newquay

dear auntie polo.

do you have a hole in like all polos?

do you need anything from the shop while im going?

and can i borrow a fiver?

signed, Short ass xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dear auntie polo

i have a dilemma need to meet someone do i? also keep having guys add me as a friend without talking to me how shall i solve this?

jodie x

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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago

glasgow


"dear auntie polo

i have always suffered from,a genetic condition.making me good looking,and extremely attractive,to the opposite sex.

i was told as i got older,this condition would ease,and eventually wouldn't effect me at all.

but on the contrary,it's getting worse.females now find me more attractive,and sexy.they say they cant resist,copping a feel of my arse,and hoping,nay wishing.i would,have sex with them.

i don't really,have a problem.

i just want to tell everybody. "

i spoke to mrs saucy,on this subject today.

she reassured me,that i don't have a genetic condition.

i don't actually look better,it's just my eyesight,that's getting worse.

she also told me that,sexually harassing females.does not mean,they want to have sex with me.

trust that cow,to rain on my parade.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

dear auntie polo

is it true that you taste minty ???

if so are you peppermint or spearmint ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dear Auntie Polo

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my Mrs has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them". I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my Mrs. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

So.....Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from Halfords and try to repair it myself?

Cheers

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo, I just got married before Christmas and I have the most wonderful in-laws(_aucy3)... but after a recent night out they have shunned me.... what can I do to get my father in law in the sack??

Yours sincerely (needing reassurance)

fmmmmm, hell I can't even write my name anymore!!!!!!"

Dear fumuuffa

Get a username which is easier to pronounce - preferably one which can be spelt correctly using phonetics. That should solve one of your dilemmas.

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"Dear Auntie Polo

I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision.

I've suspected for some time now that my Mrs has been having an affair. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up. She started going out 'with the girls' a lot recently although when I ask which girls it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them". I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the drive although I can hear a car setting off. As if she has got out of the car round the corner. Why? Is it not a taxi? I once picked her mobile up just to see what time it was and she went beserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her.

Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my Mrs. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her. I decided I was going to hide behind my car which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see which car she gets out of. It was whilst crouched behind my car that I noticed rust around my rear wheel arch.

So.....Should I take it into a body repair shop or should I buy some stuff from Halfords and try to repair it myself?

Cheers"

Dear Tight-wad

Buy a new car! How do you expect to keep a woman interested in you if you have a rust bucket of a car.

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By *he_original_polo OP   Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"dear auntie polo.

do you have a hole in like all polos?

do you need anything from the shop while im going?

and can i borrow a fiver?

signed, Short ass xx

"

Dear Whoever

See this face

Ask someone who cares.

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