FabSwingers.com forum: Timewasteing

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

can i ask something, are fems ment to choose between their kids and meets on here???

yes i was ment to have a meet today at 4pm up till 2ish i was ok to go but then i got a call from school asking to pick my kids up as they were not well, once the person i was meeting knew bout this he got shitty and called me a timewaster this realy does my head in , this site should not rule ur life if it does thats sad...... sorry had to get it off my chest xxx

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By *istress-MazikeenWoman
over a year ago

bolton

I agree with you totally on that, men just do not seem to understand that we can have a life outside of fab that does not involve sex. Well there are a few exceptions to the rule, but I have had the same in the past with guys. Family comes first every time in my eyes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree with you totally on that, men just do not seem to understand that we can have a life outside of fab that does not involve sex. "

Couldn't agree more! I never cancel a meet unless I find myself with no other option due to something unexpected.

It's only happened twice but I've somehow always ended up being made to feel really bad about it. As if I wasn't f'ed off about it enough already!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Its not just online where people dont like being dumped for kids.

Years ago I lost a job cos the nursery my eldest was at phoned to tell me she was lethargic and wasnt her normal self and could I go down and pick her up. I told my boss I was having to go and was told "what comes first your job or your daughter?" I said "my daughter will always come first this is just a job but she is my flesh and blood" my boss wasnt best pleased but I didnt care.

I have to admit I have cancelled a meet or 2 over the years cos one or other of my kids have been ill, but luckliy the people I cancelled on were understanding and we met at a later point when my girls were no longer ill.

Shona

x x x

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Most decent people will understand if something family wise crops up

In our case its being married to THE most accident prone man in the world

We have always managed to catch up with those we were meant to meet though and if anyone had been off about it then we would have had a lucky escape anyway

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By *luffybbbWoman
over a year ago

Manchester

Most of the time my profile is hidden unless I am looking to meet anew guy - or flirt LOL !! Ohterwise I get too many message, like we all do.

I was chatting to a guy and said I was going away for a few day the day after. Anyway when I got back I had about three messages basically calling me a teaseand accusingme of being a tiem waster....

FAST TRACK TO BLOCKING THE NUMB NUTS...!!! LOL !!

FAMILY, FRIENDS, FOOTBALL THEN F**KING I SAY !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"can i ask something, are fems ment to choose between their kids and meets on here???

I'd say you had a narrow escape from someone who didn't give a toss about anyone's circumstances but his own. Move on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone didnt understand that my daughter came first ... Id never see them again or never agree to a meet in the first place - lucky escape xxx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

thanks peeps for ur support i thought it was just me ... the guys i have met on here are all great so i will move on and upwards,,,,lol cheers xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

its called priorities and anyone with the slightest experience of kids knows that if you got somethin planned then something will happen its sods law!!

anyone who cant understand that isnt worth the hassle xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've had to cancel several times with my special playmate because of my daughter: and she's 18!!!

Once my playmate phoned me from the station to say my daughter was on her way home. As he'd never met her I asked how he knew. They were on the same train, when she got up at our station he knew for sure as she's the spitting image.

I just had time to hide my toys and get out of my "gear" before I heard "hi mum!"

Surprised kids learn anything the amount of time they cancel classes!

My friend lives with his daughter too so understands! Any one who doesn't understand children, no matter their age, will always take priority is not worth knowing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i honestly dont expect that he didnt care....more than likely thought he was being fobbed off with another excuse!!! after being on here for a while you do become extremely cynical...so please dont be too harsh on him.....hes probably just learnt from experience that people will say anything when they are wating your time....unfortunately this also means a few genuine cases bare the brunt!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I agree with you totally on that, men just do not seem to understand that we can have a life outside of fab that does not involve sex. Well there are a few exceptions to the rule, but I have had the same in the past with guys. Family comes first every time in my eyes."

Not just men.

...............

To the OP.

If this is the first time you have cancelled then I would say he's a todger not worth worrying about.

If you have cancelled several times and not yet met, then I guess he may think you're making excuses. you wont be the first.

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By *carletnsparksMan
over a year ago

halifax

family first always!!!

our fun life has to fit with our real life and anyone who doesnt understand that isnt the type of person we wanna play with

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By *etillanteWoman
over a year ago

It's not just kids that make you cancel, a guy I know has had to cancel cos of his parents being taken ill

Is one of those things and I always say Family Comes First, no matter what age

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I gotta say that, whilst i do understand that kids come first, i don't know if you have met this guy before? Habve you pulled out of a meet before?

If u have met him, he's being a bit of a plonker.

If it's the first time you have aranged to meet the guy, then he has been a bit of a plonker and missed out on a plesent thing. If you have pulled out before though, well i will always give people a few chances, but i would be a bit humpy too on the 2nd let down.

That's not to say it's ok to give you an ear full of nastyness though, no one should ever do that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Children come first 100% and always will I have two rules in my house they will never wake up to strangers in my bed and not have a load of uncles either and thats not changed in 12 years.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"can i ask something, are fems ment to choose between their kids and meets on here???

Completely agree with you there - and would never put my kids second. Apart from that, site is fun but never rules our lives.

Having said that, we usually tell people that our kids'needs come first and that is why our mobiles stay on and in reach.

We would understand anybody having to cancel for reasons stated above, or indeed if a relative was ill...

Life is not predictable...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Children come first 100% and always will I have two rules in my house they will never wake up to strangers in my bed and not have a load of uncles either and thats not changed in 12 years."

same here for 9 years. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thought it was the men that came first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thought it was the men that came first

think that is what they think - hence the communication difficulties as per OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i honestly dont expect that he didnt care....more than likely thought he was being fobbed off with another excuse!!! after being on here for a while you do become extremely cynical...so please dont be too harsh on him.....hes probably just learnt from experience that people will say anything when they are wating your time....unfortunately this also means a few genuine cases bare the brunt!"

I agree with Mischief, we don't know that he hasn't had loads of people cancel fairly last minute so has got really cynical about people cancelling! No matter what the reason is.....

On the other hand he could be a right numpty..............!!

We never can tell which of the above it is - but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, unless they do it twice lol!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I agree with Mischief, we don't know that he hasn't had loads of people cancel fairly last minute so has got really cynical about people cancelling! No matter what the reason is.....

On the other hand he could be a right numpty..............!!

We never can tell which of the above it is - but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, unless they do it twice lol!!

Maybe we have been really lucky with our meets but we can honestly say we have not been let down. Sure, sometimes people have to cancel, postpone or even postpone indefinitely but we have never been stood up.

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By *ornyandnymphoCouple
over a year ago

poole

We were on a meet last Saturday night when we got a call to say our son had been in a serious car accdent. We left immediately, family always comes first. The couple were very understanding, as they have kids.

We have rearranged a meet with them, but the couple we had arranged to meet tonight, read our message and replied thanks for letting us know! No how is your son! Don't think they believed us.

We gave them plenty of notice, maybe we had a lucky escape.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We were on a meet last Saturday night when we got a call to say our son had been in a serious car accdent. We left immediately, family always comes first. The couple were very understanding, as they have kids.

We have rearranged a meet with them, but the couple we had arranged to meet tonight, read our message and replied thanks for letting us know! No how is your son! Don't think they believed us.

We gave them plenty of notice, maybe we had a lucky escape."

OMG that is awful, hope your son is ok?

I think this is the kind of "excuse" no decent person would make up, consequently if you were not believed, you are probably better off not meeting them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope ur little one is ok

Obviously ghildren come first, if somut happens u gotta deal wiothit.

That having been said, after the thirs family emergency, thing do start to wear a little thing (or at least it does with my boss)

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By *ornyandnymphoCouple
over a year ago

poole

We have rearranged a meet with them, but the couple we had arranged to meet tonight, read our message and replied thanks for letting us know! No how is your son! Don't think they believed us.

We gave them plenty of notice, maybe we had a lucky escape.

OMG that is awful, hope your son is ok?

I think this is the kind of "excuse" no decent person would make up, consequently if you were not believed, you are probably better off not meeting them?

Thank you. He came out of hospital yesterday, and he will be ok given time.

We think we were lucky not to meet them!

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By *edhot4blkCouple
over a year ago

York/London/Crantock

a few months ago i was in a car smash on the M62 near york the car rolled a few times and hit 4 other cars, it turns out i was very lucky as id only broken my arm and a bit of bad bruising..from the seat belt biting in...

i had arranged a meet that night with 2 guys from london so i rang them telling them sorry guys it wont be on and they said they werent that far off as they had covered over 160 miles and only 20mins away...ok i said keep coming as u can have a drink b4 u return, they turned up and the drinks went well but they decided they wanted me on my back even though i had a plaster cast on my right arm and if i didnt they would have me branded as a fake and a timewaster on the site..my hubby thru them out...xxxx stella

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm speechless!

Wow! What creeps!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are genuine TWs who will not give a toss in cancelling a meet because they multibook themselves and pick the best offer on the day.

Then there are those who have every intention to meet yet have to cancel due to unforeseen circumstances.

If the reason for cancellation is valid and unforeseen, then I do not see why the person should be considered as a TW.

... flame-proof suit on ...

I am childless myself because I do not like children, and can appreciate why some peeps may find their arrangements being interfered by the unpredictability of children irritating.

Some peeps may have to pull a lot of strings and to make sacrifices in time and in money (e.g. booking a hotel room that incurs cancellation charges etc.), in order to make it to a meet.

Therefore, I believe they may have a valid reason to feel peeved if their meet turns round at the last minute to say, "sorry, I can't make it as my child is sick!".

Personally I would avoid meeting people with complicated personal lives.

We all have baggages, however, some have more than the others!

It is easier to arrange pet care than child care for certain!

Flame away!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely agree, ive 2 jobs so i cant meet at the drop of a hat, but the number of messages ive had from single guys "im in gloucester thursday, fancy some fun in a hotel"???? Some people forget we have a life outside of here. One guy got really shitty cos i took a week off work to meet some id promised to meet for a long time, but he didnt seem to like the fact that id not included him in that list!!!!

Theres also the fact that sometimes i forget ive already planned a meet, the guy i had to cancel has got really off, christ sakes get a life thats all i can say, think i need a separate sex calendar

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"a few months ago i was in a car smash on the M62 near york the car rolled a few times and hit 4 other cars, it turns out i was very lucky as id only broken my arm and a bit of bad bruising..from the seat belt biting in...

Flipping eck, they were a nasty bunch werent they

hope you are okay now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think the problem is because people get some many let down by time wasters they assum everyone who cancels is a time waster, what you have to ask yourself is if they believe your reason and going by what you said his reaction was im saying he didnt believe you, so to me your best off not meeting him anyway

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By *edhot4blkCouple
over a year ago

York/London/Crantock

greykitten...

thank u greatly for ur concern and yes im fine now, u would be supprised to see what a plaster cast for 8 weeks casn do apart from making u itch like hell...lol..xxx stella

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hell, that reads like the script to a horror movie! Your poor thing!

We also agree with some of the thigns said on here about making excuses and people "using" kids as a last minute reason to cancel.. well, sadly you will find that in life, people not being honest.

I often wonder why people lie, and this is a genuine question and up for discussion : I believe people only lie out of "fear". Fear of repercussion, of being caught and punished, fear of people judging them, fear of loosing other people's friendship and respect etc but generally fear!

So if you take that away... honesty is really the only way. What is wrong with saying "I made a mistake, sorry".... or in terms of cancelling a meeting (clearly, unless a genuine emergency or illness, not at last minute and knowing that the other people have gone through expenses etc)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t let it worry you, its normally desperate people that like to throw the timewaster tag around all to easily, the way we see it, is you’re better off avoiding people like that anyway, although it really does make you wonder though, that when there is a 99% chance of a rearranged meet happening they they resort to taking a hissy fit and blow it big time, do some actually think that if they call you a timewaster that you'll drop everything and run?

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

"can i ask something, are fems ment to choose between their kids and meets on here???

From his point of view, the meet was outside of school hours anyway, so he probably didn't even realise you had kids. Also form his point of view, it was very late in the day to be cancelling and as the 4pm meet was outside of school hours, (everyone knows that schools finish between 3.15 adn 3.45), he probably wondered whether you were telling the truth or not.

I don't generally stick up for single men and this one seems like a total plonker but so many of them get let down, that it's easier to be cynical I think.

Just put it down to experience.

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By *ustyWoman
over a year ago

inverclyde

has happened to me as well on a few occasions and as you said we get called timewasters wbat about the guys who dont turn up for meets but have no maneers to tell you and your waiting for it to happen and get let down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

wow kids allways come first we allways tell people who message us that we have kids and meets have to be planned well in advance ,,pushy people who moan are a massive turnoff for us and at the end of the day fab is only a bit of fun

weve all got lives to live!!!

if someone cancelled cause there kids were poorly the first thing we,d ask

is there anything we could do to help

and hope they get well soon

desperate people say silly things xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

... flame-proof suit on ...

I am childless myself because I do not like children, and can appreciate why some peeps may find their arrangements being interfered by the unpredictability of children irritating.

Some peeps may have to pull a lot of strings and to make sacrifices in time and in money (e.g. booking a hotel room that incurs cancellation charges etc.), in order to make it to a meet.

Therefore, I believe they may have a valid reason to feel peeved if their meet turns round at the last minute to say, "sorry, I can't make it as my child is sick!".

Personally I would avoid meeting people with complicated personal lives.

We all have baggages, however, some have more than the others!

It is easier to arrange pet care than child care for certain!

Flame away!

Hence one of the reasons I always book the hotel room, babysitter, table for dinner etc. I don't expect anything from a man and can and do pay my own way. If needs be I'm the one to incur costs because of sick kids, car breaking down etc.

Also if he is a no show the wifi is a wonderful thing and I can have a backup there pronto!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ditch the arse & move on.

I'm sure you will find plenty of alternatives who are more understanding.

Doesn't matter if it's kids or any one of a hundred reasons.

If someones worth meeting, they're worth waiting for and I'm sure you are.

I'd wait for you.

His problem not yours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You see I thought that timewasting was when you agreed to meet with someone and they don't show up to the meet and haven't even contacted you with an explanation. To me that is rude, incensitive and a waste of your time and energy.

If someone get's cross because you have a valid reason and have contacted them, you could be ill, you could have family commitments, you could have an emergency - then really that person should be sympathetic. If not, are they worth meeting with?

Alison

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