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"I think its a blame game to be honest,people will always blame an outside circumstance rather than take ownership!" Yay! I was slightly concerned my post was unclear. :D What if external factors do have an influence? I do think people are increasingly unwilling to take ownership but at the same time - other people experiencing shitty behaviour, then become cynical, that could happen. | |||
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"I think you make your own experience - if youre a genuinely nice person i dont think what anyone else does shoukd affect you nor shoukd you let it... but thats just me "It won't just be you, don't worry. :D | |||
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"I think its a blame game to be honest,people will always blame an outside circumstance rather than take ownership! Yay! I was slightly concerned my post was unclear. :D What if external factors do have an influence? I do think people are increasingly unwilling to take ownership but at the same time - other people experiencing shitty behaviour, then become cynical, that could happen." I get that but then everyone experiences are different, its as good as you make it, if your nice to others they will be nice back, the ones that arent well then they arent worth anyone time, outside factors can only affect so much. | |||
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"I find it such an odd expression to make: “the behaviour of other guys on here has ruined my chances”. Like, what were you doing before that is now suddenly ruined!? Lots of guys on here get meets, lots of guys socialise well with ladies & couples etc with no issues, so explain!? " Ha, well... let's say there's Bob. Bob breaks boundaries and is a brief squib of a fuck. Women decide they don't want to meet Bobs because of Bob. Has Bob ruined it for Bobs? | |||
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"Of course, it’s all the other single men who have made it difficult, they’ve put the women off. It’s definitely not something I’ve done." 100%. | |||
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"If it counts, it used to really impact my day when I never got replies to messages. It can be a really mindset head fuck. Actually though, that was my fault for messaging the wrong people and sending shit messages. " Absolutely it counts. I think that kind of feeling must be pretty disheartening and can understand why people look outwards rather than gentle navel gazing. It takes a lot to say actually, it's me. I'm the problem. | |||
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"#notallBobs 🤭" No, fuck all Bobs. Boo Bobs. | |||
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"I find it such an odd expression to make: “the behaviour of other guys on here has ruined my chances”. Like, what were you doing before that is now suddenly ruined!? Lots of guys on here get meets, lots of guys socialise well with ladies & couples etc with no issues, so explain!? Ha, well... let's say there's Bob. Bob breaks boundaries and is a brief squib of a fuck. Women decide they don't want to meet Bobs because of Bob. Has Bob ruined it for Bobs? " I mean Bob… now there’s a story IYKYK Anyway hell no. I can fuck up my fab life quite happily all by myself OP 😘 | |||
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"My past experiences with men on here has an effect on how I interact with other men going forward, so in that respect I guess outside influences do play a part. So I expect the behaviour of other women probably has an influence in how men interact with me (and everyone else, not just me specifically). But I don't go around saying "woe is me, I can't get a shag because other women have fucked it for me" or any of that nonsense. " Yes! That's very true. You learn certain responses or adapt/adopt others. It's extraordinarily rare that anyone would approach another and it's a complete tabula rasa for both. | |||
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"I find it such an odd expression to make: “the behaviour of other guys on here has ruined my chances”. Like, what were you doing before that is now suddenly ruined!? Lots of guys on here get meets, lots of guys socialise well with ladies & couples etc with no issues, so explain!? Ha, well... let's say there's Bob. Bob breaks boundaries and is a brief squib of a fuck. Women decide they don't want to meet Bobs because of Bob. Has Bob ruined it for Bobs? " Please forgive me for saying this, but the way you have worded that is almost akin to a philosophical question. 😂 But to answer back, has Bob ruined it for other Bobs? I’ll put that out to the audience! | |||
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"I find it such an odd expression to make: “the behaviour of other guys on here has ruined my chances”. Like, what were you doing before that is now suddenly ruined!? Lots of guys on here get meets, lots of guys socialise well with ladies & couples etc with no issues, so explain!? Ha, well... let's say there's Bob. Bob breaks boundaries and is a brief squib of a fuck. Women decide they don't want to meet Bobs because of Bob. Has Bob ruined it for Bobs"  | |||
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"I guess the reason my filters are closed is because enough men made it too unpleasant to keep them open. I’m not quite sure if that’s the sort of thing you mean though." Yes. I chose the more easily discussed "everyone makes it crap" for me idea but... it's a great example of when the behaviours of others will have had an effect on your behaviour and experience. Thank you for bringing it up  | |||
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"Yes, everything everyone else does has some sort of effect. That's why community organising is important, although it's incredibly under-valued in the swinging world. Vague "some men have ruined it for the rest of us" posts are usually virtue-signalling, but it is essentially true - the behaviour of some men (yes, also some women and some couples) does stop many women from pursuing their desires/kinks/fantasies more openly, and if we can minimise/stop that then it's better for all of us." What would community organising look like in the swinging world? As in, what kind of methods could be employed? I do think there's possible truth to it which is how the thread came about - I can think of various examples of where other people do have an effect. Minimising poor behaviour would be wonderful but swinging is a far way off from being utopian. | |||
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"Ha, well... let's say there's Bob. Bob breaks boundaries and is a brief squib of a fuck. Women decide they don't want to meet Bobs because of Bob. Has Bob ruined it for Bobs? Please forgive me for saying this, but the way you have worded that is almost akin to a philosophical question. 😂 But to answer back, has Bob ruined it for other Bobs? I’ll put that out to the audience! " I'm in a daft mood, far too much sun and flirting. 😄 Bob could be applied to lots of situations. Bob bob. | |||
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I have a few good friends on here , iv had some strange message of people on here , but I know there knobs who probably wouldent even look me in the eye in real life , so just makes me chuckle knowing im living rent free in there heads lol | |||
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"I'm just here for the banter, flirting, occasional socials and the tits. So many tits. If I get a meet, happy days. But I'm not expecting it or entitled to it. Sometimes I ruin things by opening my mouth. I find it difficult to read situations sometimes. I'm not sure about other people ruining it for me. Self destruction is a character trait for some of us." I can relate to this. My idea of humour often gets taken too seriously. In my head it's obviously sarcasm, but it doesn't always get interpreted that way. | |||
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but does show people dont want to go against the majority which is sad , but as with all social media people " white night in the hope of attention " and to be in " in the the in crowed lol | |||
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"Ha, well... let's say there's Bob. Bob breaks boundaries and is a brief squib of a fuck. Women decide they don't want to meet Bobs because of Bob. Has Bob ruined it for Bobs? Please forgive me for saying this, but the way you have worded that is almost akin to a philosophical question. 😂 But to answer back, has Bob ruined it for other Bobs? I’ll put that out to the audience! I'm in a daft mood, far too much sun and flirting. 😄 Bob could be applied to lots of situations. Bob bob." That’s true, does make sense when you think about it! And daft moods are fun! 😀 | |||
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"I quite like the stupidity of other people. It means I can just behave like a normal person and that is apparently enough to standout. The more idiots the better as far as I am concerned." That's a very good way of looking at it. Bring on the dicks it is. | |||
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"It's definitely made me more cautious, and I was pretty cautious beforehand. " Genuinely sorry to read it, it's one of the crap results I've seen before. And people becoming more cynical over time. | |||
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"My time gets affected by time wasters who don't show up, or ghost after a while. I try not to get bothered by other people on here. If they're not chatting to me, or planning a meet, I'm oblivious " Has that led to you approaching things differently? This is the kind of thing I was looking for, not tales of people outwardly trying to affect someone's experience or random people not having a general effect. | |||
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"Eurgh, other people " You old misanthrope you 
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(trying to take over my Victor Meldrew persona!)  | |||
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"Not really they can do them and I will do me "I'll do you 😉 Sorry off topic.... My attitude to fab has certainly changed over the years more than anything, before I would be affected by being passed over or ignored on threads, messages ignored etc, now I'm a lot more care free and it is what is is so to speak. I'm in charge of my experience on here noone else. | |||
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"Yes, everything everyone else does has some sort of effect. That's why community organising is important, although it's incredibly under-valued in the swinging world. Vague "some men have ruined it for the rest of us" posts are usually virtue-signalling, but it is essentially true - the behaviour of some men (yes, also some women and some couples) does stop many women from pursuing their desires/kinks/fantasies more openly, and if we can minimise/stop that then it's better for all of us. What would community organising look like in the swinging world? As in, what kind of methods could be employed? I do think there's possible truth to it which is how the thread came about - I can think of various examples of where other people do have an effect. Minimising poor behaviour would be wonderful but swinging is a far way off from being utopian." In the BDSM world (which has its own problems and isn't perfect by any means) education is considered important and there are regular events about teaching and knowledge-sharing - e.g. if you want to get into rope, go to a rope session. Maybe we should be doing the same with gangbangs? "The theory and practice of manifold cock" 🤔 I'm not wed to that idea, but I think it's silly to expect people to "just know" how to act - there are a bunch of short-cuts we have in the vanilla, monogamous world (e.g. "don't fuck someone else's wife") that don't apply here - and as a community we could be better at.. I dunno, on-boarding people? And that would in turn lead to better outcomes for all of us. | |||
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"Well if you read a lot of forum threads it does. E.g. Men behaving badly may make women more cautious. Women becoming more cautious may mean genuine men get fewer replies. Fake profiles may make everyone more suspicious. (Purported!) Clique behaviour may make newcomers feel excluded. Sure we can only control our own behaviour, but I think it’s a bit naive to think that other people’s actions don’t affect how Fab feels, particularly on the forum. The overall vibe changes." Yeah, I'd say that's a fair and thorough assessment, Luna. Before I'd have said no, the only actions that affect me are my own but it's a tad reductionist. For me. Other people might be different. Maybe. | |||
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"Do you think other people affect your Fab experience? Not asking about directly, more indirectly. Like when men say other men have ruined it for them. Or if things aren't going well, it's because someone isn't x, y or z. " i be polite if message if goes on more great if not i understand | |||
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"I'm way more wary of what information I share from having read of other people's experiences " Tbf it is scary what just your phone number can bring to light!! I dont give mine out anymore | |||
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"Not in the slightest Melilicious. There’s a lot of cocks out there. There’s a lot of fanny out there. But I do my thing and they do theirs. Only one person is responsible for my experiences and their outcomes and that’s me. " I’m only like this now after a decade of being here. Before I would have taken a lot of things to heart like being stood up or ghosted. I don’t think that’s purely down to people of fab though, it’s just something I’ve learned to adapt to with age and knowing where is best to put my energy. | |||
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"The more I read on here what goes through the minds of men the more i feel I’ve stumbled across gay conversion therapy. " lol very good | |||
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"The more I read on here what goes through the minds of men the more i feel I’ve stumbled across gay conversion therapy. " Haha, yeah, I'm frequently reminded me that my sexuality isn't a choice. | |||
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"Do you think other people affect your Fab experience?" Getting stood up more often than getting meets can give the confidence a hit. Half the advice is "you need to change the way you vet people" and the other half is "it's not you, it's them" but it still knocks you when other people *seem* to be getting meets left, right and centre. | |||
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"Do you think other people affect your Fab experience? Not asking about directly, more indirectly. Like when men say other men have ruined it for them. Or if things aren't going well, it's because someone isn't x, y or z. " Will be taking a break for precisely this reason. | |||
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" Has that led to you approaching things differently? This is the kind of thing I was looking for, not tales of people outwardly trying to affect someone's experience or random people not having a general effect. " Kinda, but its not like I can use some planned approach for conversations to them out. If there is some magic formula, I don't know it. I have my list of non-negotiables, and I will try to get answer to those. Distance, safe sex vs bb, sexual interests and availability. I still get plenty of time wasters, but try not to tar the male population with the same brush just cos a few men can't be honest. | |||
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