FabSwingers.com forum: Protect yourself

By *erdyHolly OP TV/TS
2 weeks ago

In a galaxy far far away

A burglar has just broken in and you need to use the nearest thing next to you to protect yourself.

What is it?

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By *igBeardyDanMan
2 weeks ago

Bilston

TV remote

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By *eroLondonMan
2 weeks ago

Mayfair

A yellow velvetine cushion.

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By *bby_of_the_shireTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Ashby

Half a bottle of popperz

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By *peedyGMan
2 weeks ago

Telford

My belt 😉

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By *olyGlamorousWoman
2 weeks ago

Chester

A tissue!

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By *ARKblondeCouple
2 weeks ago

london

"TV remote"

Is that so you can tell how big the burglar is??? 🤔

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By *asoMan
2 weeks ago

Sheffield

A mug

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By *kphooey43Man
2 weeks ago

Barnet

My EBT. He looks fierce, but would bounce happily around the burglar, tail wagging ferociously.

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By *actile TensionMan
2 weeks ago

Sussex

Floor slut (robot hoover)

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By *ust want fun 888Man
2 weeks ago

nearby

My black belt skills, would pull it from my trousers, double it over and start whipping some ass

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By *Effy-Woman
2 weeks ago

Scotland

My dog.

I'll be dead before he even notices.

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By *reakyRicoMan
2 weeks ago

enfield

A dictionary….. so I can finally defend myself without saying a single word.”

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By *igBeardyDanMan
2 weeks ago

Bilston

"TV remote

Is that so you can tell how big the burglar is??? 🤔 "

Haha but if I have to press the find my remote button and their arse starts vibrating they can keep it

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By *awtybikerMan
2 weeks ago

Barnoldswick

A golden Retriever, although he’s more likely to fetch them a stuffed toy, and roll over for a belly rub than actually defend anything

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
2 weeks ago

Round the bend

Tv remote !

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
2 weeks ago

Round the bend

"A golden Retriever, although he’s more likely to fetch them a stuffed toy, and roll over for a belly rub than actually defend anything "

That sounds about right 🤣🤣🤣

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By *issmorganWoman
2 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

One of my cats, it's ok though, she's very fiesty.

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By *ein-guyMan
2 weeks ago

Isle of Wight

Sun cream bottle.....

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By *erdyHolly OP TV/TS
2 weeks ago

In a galaxy far far away

"My belt 😉"

Go all John Wick on them

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Bristol

A pink fluffy pillow...

Maybe I could try suffocating him

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By *obilebottomMan
2 weeks ago

All over

Fly swatter

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By *ildatheart01Man
2 weeks ago

Petersfield

The dog

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By *erdyHolly OP TV/TS
2 weeks ago

In a galaxy far far away

"Fly swatter"

That would be interesting

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By *issilia AmoriWoman
2 weeks ago

North Welsh Borders

Highland cow soft toy

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By *obyn GravesTV/TS
2 weeks ago

1127 walnut avenue

a half pint mug of green tea I've just made.... which you wouldn't want slung in your face.. 😸

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By *urls and DressesWoman
2 weeks ago

Somewhere near here

The dog

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By *asoMan
2 weeks ago

Sheffield

My situation has improved a great deal. I’ve got a bottle of red wine now. Bring it on!

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By *avenwrexham75TV/TS
2 weeks ago

Wrexham

A Lego HeiHei

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By *abulincsCouple
2 weeks ago

near a bridge

The very big dig that don’t like strangers in his house god help them

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By *abulincsCouple
2 weeks ago

near a bridge

"The very big dig that don’t like strangers in his house god help them "

Dog not dig lol

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By *utterfly64Woman
2 weeks ago

Raynes Park

Blanket.

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By *ublinstud_MisstattooCouple
2 weeks ago

Dublin City

"A burglar has just broken in and you need to use the nearest thing next to you to protect yourself.

What is it?"

Mister is beside me so think it will do

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By *eautyandthebeast86Couple
2 weeks ago

Somewhere in Norfolk ask :)

My gorgeous man who can protect me all day long

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By *ustAnotherMan
2 weeks ago

Tamworth

A table fan

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By *007ManMan
2 weeks ago

Worthing

Laptop. Take that with my trusty Toshiba you cad!

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By *ampireWolvesMan
2 weeks ago

Essex

Luckily… samurai sword! How lucky am I!?!

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By *WB85Man
2 weeks ago

Staffordshire

A wine bottle.

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By *lirtyFilthWoman
2 weeks ago

Troublesville

Chocolate buttons, strawberries and a knife!

Hopefully he’s got a sweet tooth

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By *vaRoseWoman
2 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

3 things about equidistant to me right now

A small chihuahua - sounds fierce, but is really a whimp, might be useful for a distraction

A PlayStation controller - I guess I could bash the intruder with it

A bottle of perfume - straight to the eyes?

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By *awtybikerMan
2 weeks ago

Barnoldswick

"3 things about equidistant to me right now

A small chihuahua - sounds fierce, but is really a whimp, might be useful for a distraction

A PlayStation controller - I guess I could bash the intruder with it

A bottle of perfume - straight to the eyes? "

It’s times like this you could do with princess donut and mongo

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
2 weeks ago

Reading

My cat. Poor robber.

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By *vaRoseWoman
2 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

"3 things about equidistant to me right now

A small chihuahua - sounds fierce, but is really a whimp, might be useful for a distraction

A PlayStation controller - I guess I could bash the intruder with it

A bottle of perfume - straight to the eyes?

It’s times like this you could do with princess donut and mongo"

I have a parrot…. Kind of a mongo substitute

Oh and not far from the bed is a flogger and 2 daggers.

I could just make it very kinky and they’ll get uncomfortable and leave 🤣

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By *awtybikerMan
2 weeks ago

Barnoldswick

"3 things about equidistant to me right now

A small chihuahua - sounds fierce, but is really a whimp, might be useful for a distraction

A PlayStation controller - I guess I could bash the intruder with it

A bottle of perfume - straight to the eyes?

It’s times like this you could do with princess donut and mongo

I have a parrot…. Kind of a mongo substitute

Oh and not far from the bed is a flogger and 2 daggers.

I could just make it very kinky and they’ll get uncomfortable and leave 🤣"

Haha love it!

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By *nmyknees69Man
1 week ago

Rushden

"A burglar has just broken in and you need to use the nearest thing next to you to protect yourself.

What is it?"

Why would you need to protect yourself? I’m guessing they’d be after something of value. You’d be safe. Unless you’re covered in diamonds and gold leaf.. 😉

I have four cameras monitoring my house so good luck getting inside.

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By *irm40Man
1 week ago

Birmingham

A mace

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By *carlettsWoman
1 week ago

Harpenden

Either my pillow or my dog both equally as soft!!

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By *ino200Man
1 week ago

Bournemouth,london and Sienna

An axe

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By *ootyfruityCouple
1 week ago

andover

Banana peel, just throw it on the floor and that fuckers going over

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By *akat158Couple
1 week ago

Nottinghamshire

My wife.

I mean, I know she's small, but I'm uncertain if I could wield her like a floppy baseball bat.

If it's the other direction, then it'd be a piggy bank. I could bonk them over the head with it, but it took me ages to paint at a pottery cafe and cost lots of money.

So it looks like I'll be trying to swing the human instead.

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By *laytime_13Woman
1 week ago

Lincs

"My EBT. He looks fierce, but would bounce happily around the burglar, tail wagging ferociously."

I adore EBTs, they are the best dogs ever and I'm so jealous!

For me, it would be the cat. Might as well not bother, he'll only go and ask for loves

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By *inkyropecoupleCouple
1 week ago

carluke

A drawer full of whips, canes, paddles, floggers, restraints…..

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By *issLickalottapusWoman
1 week ago

La La Land

It's either going to be a water bottle or a female Fab user who is asleep beside me

Human shield or water bottle weapon? 🤔

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By *eautifully TwistedWoman
1 week ago

Telford

My dogs I'm good haha.

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By *uckyNineMan
1 week ago

prescot

This is fab people I can’t beleive that nobody has said they’ve got a huge double ended dildo down the side of the bed they keep readily to hand for any occasion that should arise

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By *uttercupWoman
1 week ago

Borders

Mug of hot coffee. Yes Mr Burglar have that... in yer FACE

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By *evilinDavina1Man
1 week ago

Bristol

A blue ray of the hobbit 😂

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
1 week ago

Round the bend

Pack of face wipes

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By *parkle1974Woman
1 week ago

Leeds

A budgie

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
1 week ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

A box of Lindor chocolates. I'd offer them one whilst shepherding them out of Titz Towers

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
1 week ago

London

1L water bottle. It's got some weight to it.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
1 week ago

couple, us we him her.

The Mrs, they are in trouble.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
1 week ago

Carlisle usually

A large mostly German shepherd mongrel 💜

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
1 week ago

Round the bend

Black and decker 3400 fanny wrecker

We should really put this shit away after a d*unken night

Mr 🐺

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
1 week ago

Round the bend

"Black and decker 3400 fanny wrecker

We should really put this shit away after a d*unken night

Mr 🐺 "

Ffs 🤦🏼‍♀️🤣🤣🤣🤣

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By *ittle miss sunshineWoman
1 week ago

south sheilds

A pillow

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By *rytomakelifefunMan
1 week ago

Leeds / Sheffield

Gymnastic rings...

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By *endall_IronbridgeMan
1 week ago

Shropshire

My shotgun

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By *lirtyFilthWoman
1 week ago

Troublesville

"It's either going to be a water bottle or a female Fab user who is asleep beside me

Human shield or water bottle weapon? 🤔"

If it was me, I’d be your human shield.

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
1 week ago

Chichester

"A burglar has just broken in and you need to use the nearest thing next to you to protect yourself.

What is it?"

Solid steel lighting stand about 3 feet long

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By *he MinionMan
1 week ago

Surrey

A pile of laundry

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By *enis ColadaMan
1 week ago

Totnes.

My chihuahua,very close to me,soft as shit,but makes a good noise

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By *oxy-RedWoman
1 week ago

pink panther territory

My cat

I'm done for

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By *rHotNottsMan
1 week ago

Dubai & Nottingham

My phone on their nose and forehead , I did it before when being street mugged it works !

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
1 week ago

Reading

"My wife.

I mean, I know she's small, but I'm uncertain if I could wield her like a floppy baseball bat.

If it's the other direction, then it'd be a piggy bank. I could bonk them over the head with it, but it took me ages to paint at a pottery cafe and cost lots of money.

So it looks like I'll be trying to swing the human instead."

This made me lol.

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