FabSwingers.com forum: Making The First Move

By *allipygous OP Man
2 weeks ago

Leicester

I've just finished a whatsapp conversation with an occasional friend with benefits where she mentioned she'd "sorted myself out last night". I asked her why she didn't give me a shout (she's only a 6 minute walk away) and she responded she'd spent so many years trying not to have sex she doesn't know how to make the first move.

My question to the women of the forum is which of you find yourselves in the same boat and find it difficult to initiate any type of contact, particularly of a sexual nature, and if so, why?

Men, please don't use this as an opportunity to harass, sorry, message any women that may respond and offer your services.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
2 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

I definitely used to.

It's a few years since I gave up trying to adhere to that modest and demure expectation for women. Nowadays I just tell the penis person I want that I want them.

Now, telling women I want to fuck them, that's still absurdly difficult for me 💜

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By *eroLondonMan
2 weeks ago

Mayfair

I asked something similar in a thread I created over a year ago.

I don't wish to hijack your thread but the responses were from indifferent to inconclusive.

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By *Effy-Woman
2 weeks ago

Scotland

I don't find making the first move difficult, it's reading people that I struggle with.

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By *evilinDavina1Man
2 weeks ago

Bristol

"I don't find making the first move difficult, it's reading people that I struggle with. "

I'm with you on this, I find it difficult to read between the line most of the time, if everyone said what they want or expected straight off the bat the world would be a simpler place lol x

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By *tormQueenWoman
2 weeks ago

All over the place

I make the first move relatively regularly 🤷‍♀️

From first message to being upfront that i like someone

Life is far too short for messing about 🥰

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By *Effy-Woman
2 weeks ago

Scotland

"I don't find making the first move difficult, it's reading people that I struggle with.

I'm with you on this, I find it difficult to read between the line most of the time, if everyone said what they want or expected straight off the bat the world would be a simpler place lol x"

On here it's easy. You have an idea if they like you enough to meet you in the first place. It's in person when it starts to get difficult. Are you laughing at my jokes because you want to get naked with me or you just wanna be friends? 😃

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
Forum Mod
2 weeks ago

Central

It can be harder when who you are and what you may want aren't potentially universal desires. I can be quite forward but I also like to get some positive feedback, to enable me to proceed more confidently. It's an interactive process, that involves back and forwards engagement, as I don't typically just drop my knickers, every time I'm in the company of men who I fancy, else I'd hardly move much all day

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By *evilinDavina1Man
2 weeks ago

Bristol

"I don't find making the first move difficult, it's reading people that I struggle with.

I'm with you on this, I find it difficult to read between the line most of the time, if everyone said what they want or expected straight off the bat the world would be a simpler place lol x

You're hilarious so I'd say it's probably because they find you funny and want to get you naked and want to be your friend 😂

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By *vaRoseWoman
2 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

I’m pretty forward in asking for and showing someone what I want, he doesn’t seem to mind 😈

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By *issLickalottapusWoman
2 weeks ago

La La Land

"I’m pretty forward in asking for and showing someone what I want, she doesn’t seem to mind 😈"

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By *etwife8230Couple
2 weeks ago

Newport

I have no problem telling someone i want them 💋

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By *ildatheart01Man
2 weeks ago

Petersfield

I once had a girl lean in and French kiss me in a bar in the middle of our first conversation. I have to say, it was very hot. Probably because it’s the only time it’s ever happened.

Doing things the “usual way” can feel like you are in a rut.

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By *eardofVampiresWoman
2 weeks ago

Lancaster

No not with people I know i will outright say it,in person the first time yes but once it's been made it's open for either person.

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By *utoftheBluexWoman
2 weeks ago

Bot Farm

Yes. I don't know why, but when I take the initiative, it generally doesn't end up well. Maybe men like to hunt, and feel a bit Insecure if I do the chase. A big mystery to me. But it's a fact that they turn distant, or treat me like a slut when they reply.

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By *ildatheart01Man
2 weeks ago

Petersfield

I think it’s partially down to the fact that it’s so uncommon, so we think, “What’s her angle?”

It should all be so much easier…but it’s not.

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By *eltCuteMightDeleteWoman
2 weeks ago

Reading

I recently told a man I wanted sex with him and his indifferent reaction to it changed my mind.

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By *actile TensionMan
2 weeks ago

Sussex

Schrödingers cat.

Yesterday I opened two boxes. One alive the other died.

If I didn't open either, I'd still have two pretty boxes

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By *ildatheart01Man
2 weeks ago

Petersfield

Yes. Indifference would definitely turn me off…in anything!

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By *a LunaWoman
2 weeks ago

Wales

Generally I’m too shy and too old fashioned. On here and in the real world.

That said, I HAVE made the first move on here twice now, but they tend to go awol shortly after. So yeah. No more!

Twas only for chat - not meets 🤷🏻‍♀️

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By *agiccasterMan
2 weeks ago

worksop

I never make the first move like to see if there interested in me

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By *oxy-RedWoman
2 weeks ago

pink panther territory

Never in a sexual way ,i hardly ever even send a first message

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By *uicyboobiesWoman
2 weeks ago

Newtownbutler

I'll never make first move for fear of been laughed at.

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By *issilia AmoriWoman
2 weeks ago

North Welsh Borders

I just don't have the confidence. And it's not in my personality to put myself 'out there'

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By *nimaginativeUsernameMan
2 weeks ago

Rochester, Kent

I found more women were making the first move during lockdown.

Now… nothing.

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By *lirtyVampireBellaCouple
2 weeks ago

The bottom of the River Ankh

Never going to happen after the last time I did with someone on here .. he may as well have sent me a vomit emoji ....😭😕

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By *lirtyFilthWoman
2 weeks ago

Troublesville

For me it’s the lack of confidence. There are so many gorgeous, funny and sexy women on here and I’m just me. It’s a bit of imposter syndrome.

I also have cPTSD so am careful about messaging. To be messaged first means I get a feeling for the person sending it. Their effort, their mental landscape.

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By *kphooey43Man
2 weeks ago

Barnet

"I recently told a man I wanted sex with him and his indifferent reaction to it changed my mind."

Men are weird!

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By *hunderaceMan
2 weeks ago

Dudley

"For me it’s the lack of confidence. There are so many gorgeous, funny and sexy women on here and I’m just me. It’s a bit of imposter syndrome.

I also have cPTSD so am careful about messaging. To be messaged first means I get a feeling for the person sending it. Their effort, their mental landscape.

But who knows what may come from a little bravery, I think personally the same as you but for different reasons. I can tell you this week I was totally blown away when someone who's secretly on my hotlist messaged me.

Now who knows where that might go..? 😜

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By *aFemmeCoquetteWoman
2 weeks ago

Somewhere in the middle not the.....

Lack of confidence and knock backs have left me in the is it worth the effort so I rarely if ever initiate contact.

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By *layfullsamMan
2 weeks ago

Solihull

I’m guessing sorting themselves out sometimes suits requirements rather than inviting a guy over and the extra time etc required

Needs must and all that

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
2 weeks ago

London

"Lack of confidence and knock backs have left me in the is it worth the effort so I rarely if ever initiate contact."

Welcome to our world 😂

Rejection is an old friend of mine. We go way back. Good times.

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
2 weeks ago

London

"I don't find making the first move difficult, it's reading people that I struggle with.

I'm with you on this, I find it difficult to read between the line most of the time, if everyone said what they want or expected straight off the bat the world would be a simpler place lol x"

Both of your comments I agree with. I don't understand people unless they actually say what they mean. I'm tired of games. If I want to play games I'd get a ps5 or a PC.

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By *ysteriousGirlOGWoman
2 weeks ago

Birmingham

I have people I can call if I need a good shafting and have no issue doing so. For me its more, I've been alone so long that I don't actually need sex. I can switch it off when a man isnt around so my vibrator does just fine in those randy moments.

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By *kphooey43Man
2 weeks ago

Barnet

"I have people I can call if I need a good shafting and have no issue doing so. For me its more, I've been alone so long that I don't actually need sex. I can switch it off when a man isnt around so my vibrator does just fine in those randy moments."

Love the "good shafting" expression.

Also a vibrator never turns you down (until the batteries run out!)

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By *ildoshagginsWoman
2 weeks ago

South Wales

I find, asking whoever it is I'm interested in if they like to come around for some homemade lemonade 😋

This usually works. Especially if they've already tried my peach surprise 🤣

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By *kphooey43Man
2 weeks ago

Barnet

"I find, asking whoever it is I'm interested in if they like to come around for some homemade lemonade 😋

This usually works. Especially if they've already tried my peach surprise 🤣"

Go on, I'll bite. What's the surprise about the peach surprise? That it has no peaches?

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By *ildoshagginsWoman
2 weeks ago

South Wales

The surprise is that it doesn't exist..

It's what I tell them to lure them in

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By *kphooey43Man
2 weeks ago

Barnet

"The surprise is that it doesn't exist..

It's what I tell them to lure them in"

Not keen on peaches, but offer me pavlova.....

Oh, and the home made lemonade, sweet or sour? In Morocco, for a country big on sugar in tea and coffee their fresh lemon juice was sour - a lot of face puckering - but very refreshing. You'd have me at the offer of lemonade.

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By *allipygous OP Man
1 week ago

Leicester

Thanks for all your responses

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By *nmyknees69Man
1 week ago

Rushden

"I've just finished a whatsapp conversation with an occasional friend with benefits where she mentioned she'd "sorted myself out last night". I asked her why she didn't give me a shout (she's only a 6 minute walk away) and she responded she'd spent so many years trying not to have sex she doesn't know how to make the first move.

My question to the women of the forum is which of you find yourselves in the same boat and find it difficult to initiate any type of contact, particularly of a sexual nature, and if so, why?

Men, please don't use this as an opportunity to harass, sorry, message any women that may respond and offer your services."

I have never made the first move on any woman.

I have had several MF relationships and have children, grandchildren. Yet I’d still be a virgin if it was down to me.

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By *eautifully TwistedWoman
1 week ago

Telford

I have no issue making the first move if I'm genuinely interested.

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By *astManOnEarthMan
1 week ago

nowhere

I don't believe them when they do.

I'm way to ugly and to big of an arsehole for anyone to want to like or spend time with

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By *eliWoman
1 week ago

If I've known someone for awhile, generally no.

If I don't really know them, yes. Part of that is because I know that my libido can be very high and I have these odd little societal hangups and don't want to to be too forward or worry men prefer to be the initiators.

And there's a part of me that doesn't want a lacklustre reply or them not being interested.

Asking to fuck? If someone said no, that'll probably sting. I'd have to be certain they'd say yes.

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By *iaisonseekerMan
1 week ago

Liverpool

"Yes. I don't know why, but when I take the initiative, it generally doesn't end up well. Maybe men like to hunt, and feel a bit Insecure if I do the chase. A big mystery to me. But it's a fact that they turn distant, or treat me like a slut when they reply. "

Making the first move generally doesn't go well for men though, especially on here where there is so much choice for women. Do women expect that their first move should have a higher success rate than for the (average) man? On Fab at least?

Speaking only for myself, the sting of rejection is dulled by repetition but it does impact motivation to make the first move.

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By *ubbaRayDMan
1 week ago

Wicklow

Making the first move generally does not work well for men unless an interest is there from the lady. Some men will find it very hard.

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By *egnMaxCouple
1 week ago

East Midlands

Despite the main reason for us being on here is me (I’m loving exploring my new found bi side) I often leave the approaching to Max. He deals better with rejection and it would take a lot for me to reach out to another woman as this is all new to me.

Though once we’ve had a reply we both actively message / meet.

I know it sounds ridiculous when we are on Fab to meet women but I’m shy and find this really difficult. It’s just how I’m wired, but I’m working on it.

Meg

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By *atanaKinkMan
1 week ago

Dundee

"I don't find making the first move difficult, it's reading people that I struggle with.

I'm with you on this, I find it difficult to read between the line most of the time, if everyone said what they want or expected straight off the bat the world would be a simpler place lol x

This lol. Though im hoping the reason they laughing at jokes is both. Im funny 😁

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By *atanaKinkMan
1 week ago

Dundee

Confidence is also key. When im lacking in it, no chance am I putting myself out there. But if im ok then I can make a move if I want to far more easily. A lot of folk have a fear of rejection too and thats never nice especially in person.

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By *peedyGMan
1 week ago

Telford

I like women who are confident enough to message first, I have it on my profile

I hardly ever send a first message on here anymore as they can get lost in the hundreds of messages women receive, well that's what I tell myself anyway 🤣

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
1 week ago

Reading

I rarely make the first move tbh.

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