FabSwingers.com forum: Should women message first more?

By *weetSmellingSam OP TV/TS
3 weeks ago

Consett

The general feeling on fab and dating apps is men are primary chasers so they always message first and women do the picking. Men are typically more hornier too so this makes sense they message first.

Men.. do you like women who message first? Or do you prefer to make the first move? Women do you message guys first on here to much success?

I’d like to start messaging guys first but always too nervous to as a TS, but what I do love about fab in that regard is how their profile states if they’re interested in you before messaging. I might start messaging guys first now

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By *iver78Man
3 weeks ago

barton upon humber

Rare ot happens on here. But yes really do appreciate a message of a lady

It's a mine field lol I love winks to as I know there there intrested but iv learnt a lot of women don't!! But it feels better for me to have a wink ignored than I message

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By *onin25Man
3 weeks ago

Durham

I don't really message women first, except about inane things that I think they might find funny or interesting. It feels like a potentially pointless, or at least an arduous task.

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By *eroLondonMan
3 weeks ago

Mayfair

Some people erroneously think that a man taking the initiative is considered "chasing" or because he's horny. Most (but not all, but almost all) women - despite giving the indication on their profiles that they are looking to engage - are often reluctant and apathetic in sending the first message, which is a shame.

In the past I've created threads where I enquired about their reticence and why they don't send messages. Only a handful of women gave a response within the thread, most were reluctant to be open and only gave their responses to me via a direct message: lack of confidence, fear of rejection and apathy. They limited their efforts to a perfunctory wink or just focusing on the messages that they received ("I shouldn't have to; I get enough in my inbox anyway!").

"Men.. do you like women who message first? Or do you prefer to make the first move?"

I would say 80% of my interactions, socials, dates and dalliances over the last three years have been on the back of women sending the first message. I perhaps send a handful of messages per year, excluding those from the forums which are usually related to games, challenges or 'in-thread' participation, or perhaps keeping in touch with friends, otherwise I rarely message.

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By *he KakapoMan
3 weeks ago

A nice rock

I really dont care either way.

It doesn't change how I approach conversations.

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By *ootyLoverMan
3 weeks ago

Waterford/Tipperary/Cork/Limerick

Prefer a lady to message first, it is very rare it happens so it's very appreciated when it does.

I also know ye are inundated with messages on this site so I don't like to add to the carnage by sending messages often

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By *naswingdressWoman
3 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

I do when I see a profile that interests me. (It's pretty rare)

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By *olyGlamorousWoman
3 weeks ago

Chester

I have messaged first a couple of times but my inbox is ridiculous and so I don't really get time to look at profiles and perv

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
3 weeks ago

London

Yes.

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By *gent CoulsonMan
3 weeks ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

The odd first messages have had, have been just that, odd

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By *imply_SensualMan
3 weeks ago

Cheshire

I dont have a preference for who messages first, but I would hope that if a female/couple saw something in my profile they liked and wanted to know more, they would just drop a message.

As guys, we dont get tons of messages a day like I am sure a lot of women do, so even a straight forward "Hi" is enough to break the ice and the get a conversation going.

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By *tannersMan
3 weeks ago

stanley

If they want to yes

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By *rLucky777Man
3 weeks ago

Leeds

Yes. It should be like bumble. Only women can message first.

Zero messages incoming!

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By *evilinDavina1Man
3 weeks ago

Bristol

It's up to the women. If they want they can, don't see a problem with how it is at the moment. Even if it was only the women that could message first there'd still be guys moaning in the forums that they don't get messages, so don't think much would change lol

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By *artorialMan
3 weeks ago

weymouth

I like being contacted, it's an ego boost in that someone finds you attractive enough to see if it may be worth pursuing.

So yes message away ladies/tgirls

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

Yes we can and boys should love it!

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By *rightonsteveMan
3 weeks ago

Hove, mainly…

Yes, especially me. Just send this cut n paste:

“Steve ya sexy hunk gizza shag and I’ll sit on ya face (and being a friend)”

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By *asoMan
3 weeks ago

Sheffield

Please do, even outside of my fab hours. Always lovely to hear from women! 😍

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By *olyGlamorousWoman
3 weeks ago

Chester

See now I'm reading the comments from the fellas and I'm thinking I should message first more often now 🤔

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By *r SensualMan
3 weeks ago

London

In an ideal world this would be great if more women made the first move with intent, but biologically men are wired to be the pursuers, women more wired to be the pursued.

Have had a few approach me first in the past and it’s been very refreshing however, these are exceptions to the norm.

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

Just happy to be involved either way 🤷‍♂️😀

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By *naswingdressWoman
3 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Yes. It should be like bumble. Only women can message first.

Zero messages incoming!"

It's the way my profile is set up.

Now guys don't know I think their profile is crap/weird/off-putting, because they're not aware I ever looked.

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By *he MinionMan
3 weeks ago

Surrey

"See now I'm reading the comments from the fellas and I'm thinking I should message first more often now 🤔 "

100% you should 😉

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By *kphooey43Man
3 weeks ago

Barnet

"Should women message first more?"

It's up to them - I am sure some message first a lot, and others see their inboxes so full of unread messages they baulk at the idea of messaging (or losing a response in the sea of unsolicited yellow [oops, that sounds like the floor of a Weatherspoon's gents]).

"Do you like it when women message first?"

Yes. Some of my best friends from Fab have initiated the contact (and I do like physical contact, though i am a tad ticklish).

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By *estructionDollyWoman
3 weeks ago

Manchester

I'm usually too shy to message anyone first as my brain makes me question myself about everything and I assume they won't be interested. I normally wait for the other person to make the first move if they are interested. But I was brave and messaged someone first a few days ago and we have been having an amazing chat since. So maybe I should be a bit braver and message first more!

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
3 weeks ago

North West

"I have messaged first a couple of times but my inbox is ridiculous and so I don't really get time to look at profiles and perv "

And just why is your inbox ridiculous? Cough, cough 🤣🤣🤣

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By *indsoftimeMan
3 weeks ago

co.antrim

It does happen from time to time and yes it is most welcome when ladies indeed do text first

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
3 weeks ago

North West

I don’t message that much but I do message first. Always just a friendly thing, sometimes to gauge interest. If the response shows no interest I’ll whack them in the friendzone quickety quick.

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By *ynamicnatureMan
3 weeks ago

Doncaster

I'm not shy in messaging first if I like a profile, What's the worst that can happen? A polite no thanks, ignored or blocked,

I always get ridiculously excited if a lady or couple message me first providing I like their profile,a bit like the scene out of the first Ghostbusters movie where they got a call about their first ghost, and the secretary screams out "WE GOT ONE" 😂

Apart from forum games, I think I've only been messaged first a dozen times or so since joining? I'm not complaining at all, it's just my experience using Fab,❤️

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By *layfullsamMan
3 weeks ago

Solihull

People should do what they feel most comfortable with whether that be by being proactive or reactive

All I’d say is that life’s short and if you don’t shoot your shot you’ll never score

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

I'd message first more if there were more men I found attractive

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

"I'd message first more if there were more men I found attractive "

Ohhft..... shots fired 🤣

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

"I'd message first more if there were more men I found attractive

Ohhft..... shots fired 🤣"

But this is the difference isn't it.

Women only message those they are interested in.

Men message anyone in a 20mile radius

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By *onin25Man
3 weeks ago

Durham

"I'd message first more if there were more men I found attractive

Ohhft..... shots fired 🤣

But this is the difference isn't it.

Women only message those they are interested in.

Men message anyone in a 20mile radius

I think it's probably a large minority of men who do that

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

"I'd message first more if there were more men I found attractive

Ohhft..... shots fired 🤣

But this is the difference isn't it.

Women only message those they are interested in.

Men message anyone in a 20mile radius

Yeah i dont do that, i usually read the profiles first, if i like what i read i may message, but i dont message everyone.

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By *imply_SensualMan
3 weeks ago

Cheshire

"I'd message first more if there were more men I found attractive

Ohhft..... shots fired 🤣

But this is the difference isn't it.

Women only message those they are interested in.

Men message anyone in a 20mile radius

Not all men

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By *mileyculturebelfastMan
3 weeks ago

belfast

How do you know they dont message first?

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By *naswingdressWoman
3 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"How do you know they dont message first?"

Several years ago I received a first message from a guy, berating me for ignoring all men on the site.

Which I found perplexing. One, it's not true. Two, how would he know what I do? The fact I'd never messaged *him* says nothing about who I do message or pay attention to.

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By *tormQueenWoman
3 weeks ago

All over the place

I message first, or I did and if I did it was because I had seen something that interests me about the man, he fits my criteria and i therefore message appropriately

It may be that my hit rate is therefore high because i show real interest, or it may be because i have boobs

Who knows 🤷‍♀️

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By *eroLondonMan
3 weeks ago

Mayfair

"How do you know they dont message first?"

•

They do message first - that's not in dispute - this is mostly about the (plausible) perception of fewer women taking the initiative to send an introductory message (to men).

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By *hongman1Man
3 weeks ago

Mansfield

"I'd message first more if there were more men I found attractive

Ohhft..... shots fired 🤣

But this is the difference isn't it.

Women only message those they are interested in.

Men message anyone in a 20mile radius

Nah not all of them. I was once messaged after looking at a profile to be asked why I hadn’t messaged, I’d read the profile and I didn’t fit what they were looking for so I didn’t message, kind of ironic to be moaned at for not getting in touch lol

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By *acavityMan
3 weeks ago

Redditch

"I have messaged first a couple of times but my inbox is ridiculous and so I don't really get time to look at profiles and perv "

I think fab would be improved if women used the filters better and blocked single males from messaging first.

No more ridiculous amounts of junk mail.

If the lady did message a single male, he is able to bypass the filter and reply.

This would encourage serious single males to work on their profiles and prevent the avalanche of dick pics and 2 word messages.

Of course, the lazy ones will just set up couple profiles with a lady who is curiously always unavailable, but doesn’t mind her partner playing alone…

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By *hefirewithinMan
3 weeks ago

Could be next door

It’s how most my conversations are initiated being honest, that or through threads in the forum.

I understand how mind numbing it’s must be for a lady and couples tackling their inbox so to be noticed it’s extremely difficult yet not impossible, I’m of the mindset the right ones will find me when they are looking for new connections.

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By *ealitybitesMan
3 weeks ago

Belfast

The last introductory message I sent was in January 2020.

Every conversation I've had in the last 76 months has been started by a woman getting in touch.

My best friend messaged me first even before that so it's not rare at all.

It's actually a much better way of navigating fab because all those women can read my forum posts and make a decision based on that as well as my profile and they have all felt comfortable enough doing so.

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By *riginal_FlirtWoman
3 weeks ago

Antrim

I have rejection issues, I have only ever sent the first message once

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By *oomerangboyMan
3 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Think I’ve only ever been messaged first 2-3 times in all the years I’ve been on here !!

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By *acavityMan
3 weeks ago

Redditch

"I'd message first more if there were more men I found attractive

Ohhft..... shots fired 🤣

But this is the difference isn't it.

Women only message those they are interested in.

Men message anyone in a 20mile radius

If someone looks at my profile and doesn’t show interest (wink or message) I assume they’re not interested.

Apart from the lady who looked at my profile every day, but I couldn’t message because of her filters. I mentioned this in a status update and she messaged me.

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By *otsossieMan
3 weeks ago

Hard.shoulder of the M1

I’m not sure I could cope with them pestering me even more!

Ladies, please, try to contain yourselves.

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By *oingMan
3 weeks ago

Co. Antrim

Yes

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By *lenaMalenaTV/TS
3 weeks ago

Milton Keynes

I'm not a woman, obvs, but I play that role sexually. FWIW, I have messaged guys first, occasionally, and pretty much always it leads nowhere. (And, for the cynics, it works out fabulously the other way around thank you- see my Veris here but much more over on Fabguys).

My (amateur psychobabble) conclusion is that for Top guys the pursuit and feeling in control as the 'Hunter' is an important aspect. Hey, nothing wrong with that, we are often in thrall to our more primitive instincts after all (cf 'You and Me Baby, We Ain't Nothing But Mammals...'

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By *mileyculturebelfastMan
3 weeks ago

belfast

"How do you know they dont message first?

Several years ago I received a first message from a guy, berating me for ignoring all men on the site.

Which I found perplexing. One, it's not true. Two, how would he know what I do? The fact I'd never messaged *him* says nothing about who I do message or pay attention to."

Thats what i would imagine. I dont think all the women just sut around waiting.

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By *inkyLips2.0Woman
3 weeks ago

Debauchery

I’m horny all the time but I’m not the type to just fuck anything that has a pulse. There are a couple of reasons I don’t message first, 1. I have this fear of punching above my weight and being rejected and secondly I get so many messages I don’t spent most of the time trying to get through them. In honesty if it was left down to me I wouldn’t meet anyone 🤣

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By *reoXMan
3 weeks ago

Between your legs

I'm partial to an opening message and I'll take 'hello' as acceptable, unlike most women who seem to require chapter 3 of war and peace

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By *tormQueenWoman
3 weeks ago

All over the place

"I'm not a woman, obvs, but I play that role sexually. FWIW, I have messaged guys first, occasionally, and pretty much always it leads nowhere. (And, for the cynics, it works out fabulously the other way around thank you- see my Veris here but much more over on Fabguys).

Any guy that is insecure enough to worry about this isnt for me anyway 🤣🤣

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By *inkyLips2.0Woman
3 weeks ago

Debauchery

"I'm partial to an opening message and I'll take 'hello' as acceptable, unlike most women who seem to require chapter 3 of war and peace "

😆

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By *hickthighs26Woman
3 weeks ago

funky town

No. Never

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By *ou only live onceMan
3 weeks ago

London

My inbox is open. Women of Fab: knock yourselves out!

In all seriousness, OP, this already happens quite a lot, which is only a good thing. All power to the first senders!

✊🏽

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By *eximus MaximusMan
3 weeks ago

Up North

Let the mountain come to Muhammad

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By *kphooey43Man
3 weeks ago

Barnet

"I'd message first more if there were more men I found attractive

Ohhft..... shots fired 🤣

But this is the difference isn't it.

Women only message those they are interested in.

Men message anyone in a 20mile radius

Why restrict it to 20 miles....

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

"I'd message first more if there were more men I found attractive

Ohhft..... shots fired 🤣

But this is the difference isn't it.

Women only message those they are interested in.

Men message anyone in a 20mile radius

Why restrict it to 20 miles...."

Don't want to seem too desperate

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By *iver78Man
3 weeks ago

barton upon humber

Think the comment about bumble is spot on , this site is a women's world

and then people can't moan about being bombarded with messages

But I'm pretty sure a lot of women love the attention

and get a ego boost by posting the fact they have sooooo many

I may be wrong , I usually am lol.

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By *mmaleiaWoman
3 weeks ago

Trowbridge

If I’m interested in somebody, I’ll message them.

Out of about 200 messages from men , I’ll probably respond to 1 of”r 2 of them.

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By *hickthighs26Woman
3 weeks ago

funky town

But I'm pretty sure a lot of women love the attention

and get a ego boost by posting the fact they have sooooo many

I may be wrong , I usually am lol."

If they didnt want the messages they could easily filter. I agree with this part.

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

"Think the comment about bumble is spot on , this site is a women's world

and then people can't moan about being bombarded with messages

But I'm pretty sure a lot of women love the attention

and get a ego boost by posting the fact they have sooooo many

I may be wrong , I usually am lol."

Everyone on here wants the attention.

Why people post pictures. I take my filters off when I need an ego boost.

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By *mmaleiaWoman
3 weeks ago

Trowbridge

But I'm pretty sure a lot of women love the attention

and get a ego boost by posting the fact they have sooooo many

I may be wrong , I usually am lol."

I can tell you it’s not an ego boost getting so many messages, it can ultimately be quite demoralising, as they don’t read your profile

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By *naswingdressWoman
3 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Think the comment about bumble is spot on , this site is a women's world

and then people can't moan about being bombarded with messages

But I'm pretty sure a lot of women love the attention

and get a ego boost by posting the fact they have sooooo many

I may be wrong , I usually am lol."

When my filters were open, I just felt like I was drowning in abusive spam.

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By *ollyPocket75Woman
3 weeks ago

Aberdeen

"Think the comment about bumble is spot on , this site is a women's world

and then people can't moan about being bombarded with messages

But I'm pretty sure a lot of women love the attention

and get a ego boost by posting the fact they have sooooo many

I may be wrong , I usually am lol."

I don't have loads of messages, but I do have my filters up. I'm happy to contact a male if I am interested in him. I have contacted and met a few from here. It isn't all one way, and i'm certainly not looking to boost my ego.

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By *lueDressWoman
3 weeks ago

Bath Somerset

Certainly not here to boost my ego. Any messages I get I'm aware 100 + others have had exactly the same message. No doubt, most of them don't reply back.

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By *tormQueenWoman
3 weeks ago

All over the place

But I'm pretty sure a lot of women love the attention

and get a ego boost by posting the fact they have sooooo many

I may be wrong , I usually am lol.

I can tell you it’s not an ego boost getting so many messages, it can ultimately be quite demoralising, as they don’t read your profile "

Filters🤷‍♀️

I dont accept unsolicited messages from single men

Its not difficult to stop the issue 😁

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By *hickthighs26Woman
3 weeks ago

funky town

But I'm pretty sure a lot of women love the attention

and get a ego boost by posting the fact they have sooooo many

I may be wrong , I usually am lol.

I can tell you it’s not an ego boost getting so many messages, it can ultimately be quite demoralising, as they don’t read your profile

Filters🤷‍♀️

I dont accept unsolicited messages from single men

Its not difficult to stop the issue 😁"

This

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By *111Woman
3 weeks ago

If im attracted to the photos or liking the profile I can easily message first and have done it in the past.

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By *eliWoman
3 weeks ago

If I'm interested in someone I'll message first. Rare that it happens but when it does I'll try and put a little effort in/not waffle crap.

I can understand to a certain extent why women might not message first. I sometimes worry about the evil rejection but it's not really rejection as such. It's not that deep.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
3 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

"The general feeling on fab and dating apps is men are primary chasers so they always message first and women do the picking. Men are typically more hornier too so this makes sense they message first.

Men.. do you like women who message first? Or do you prefer to make the first move? Women do you message guys first on here to much success?

If someone is looking for meets with TV/TS then message them.

There is absolutely nothing to lose

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By *ildatheart01Man
3 weeks ago

Petersfield

I think everyone likes to be appreciated, so getting a message is always fun. I presume women get bored of them after a while, but men don’t get enough to get over the initial excitement.

Obviously it’s an easy way for a woman to stand out as it’s rare.

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By *tlanshiaWoman
3 weeks ago

Chatham

I have instigated conversations occasionally but a profile has to interest me enough which is very rare

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By *inkyLips2.0Woman
3 weeks ago

Debauchery

"Think the comment about bumble is spot on , this site is a women's world

and then people can't moan about being bombarded with messages

But I'm pretty sure a lot of women love the attention

and get a ego boost by posting the fact they have sooooo many

I may be wrong , I usually am lol."

I can assure you it is not an ego boost at all, most men will lower their standards to get a shag so I don’t trust half of the messages and their compliments. Why should I

Filter men when that’s what I’m looking for, my age range isn’t that large either.

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By *eauNaturelMan
3 weeks ago

Malmesbury

"I'm partial to an opening message and I'll take 'hello' as acceptable, unlike most women who seem to require chapter 3 of war and peace

😆 "

I'd love to message you KinkyLips but I'm a tad over your upper age limit ☹️ I could easily manage a 'hello' but for you Ms Dairypillows, I'd even stretch to a 'how you du-win'😀

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By *oco_marsWoman
3 weeks ago

Stockport

I message first every now and then. Regularly I guess!

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
3 weeks ago

London

The majority of women who have messaged me have sent "Hey" or "Hi" as the first message. Which is ironic considering this is something they dislike receiving. Not much effort into the messages regarding having read my profile, why we would be a good match, similar interests etc.

But you know what? I don't care. I still engage. However, I'm not receiving hundreds or more messages every day. It's a very different experience for the men and women. Filters sound like a good idea so the women can decide if they want to have a conversation with someone they like. I'm not in a position where I need them.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
3 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

Y'know ......when I read the archaic stuff like ' men are hunters, women are the hunted' I go

in semi disbelief.

Even worse when women are given permission to message first as in some posts.

I grew up through the 50's , 60's 70's and no one sat waiting like a wallflower waiting to be picked or for permission to show interest.

If women aren't messaging you they don't want to........ and yes i'm speaking for all women

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By *mmaleiaWoman
3 weeks ago

Trowbridge

But I'm pretty sure a lot of women love the attention

and get a ego boost by posting the fact they have sooooo many

I may be wrong , I usually am lol.

I can tell you it’s not an ego boost getting so many messages, it can ultimately be quite demoralising, as they don’t read your profile

Filters🤷‍♀️

I dont accept unsolicited messages from single men

Its not difficult to stop the issue 😁"

I’ve had some great messages when I’ve had my filters down from guys I’d not seen or been aware of, so sometimes dropping them works for me

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By *naswingdressWoman
3 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"The majority of women who have messaged me have sent "Hey" or "Hi" as the first message. Which is ironic considering this is something they dislike receiving. Not much effort into the messages regarding having read my profile, why we would be a good match, similar interests etc.

I wonder if the women who say hi, and the women who say "don't just say hi" are different women.

Although I'm not saying that hypocrisy is out of the question.

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By *issmorganWoman
3 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

I have in the past sent a first message, when I was looking to meet. Now however, it's not often a profile catches my eye, especially not a local one.

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
3 weeks ago

London

I wonder if the women who say hi, and the women who say "don't just say hi" are different women.

Although I'm not saying that hypocrisy is out of the question. "

In my experiences, they are mostly the same women. Other people may have different experiences.

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By *estructionDollyWoman
3 weeks ago

Manchester

I wish filters were more selective. I don't want to block all men, I have every other filter on to stop people outside of my age range or those with no photos etc, but I would like to be able to block people who are outside of a certain distance for example. And I wish the verification on here was better too.

So much of this site just needs updating.

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By *naswingdressWoman
3 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

I wonder if the women who say hi, and the women who say "don't just say hi" are different women.

Although I'm not saying that hypocrisy is out of the question.

In my experiences, they are mostly the same women. Other people may have different experiences."

Fair enough. That's poor on their part.

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By *earditallWoman
3 weeks ago

Lancaster

I don't mind sending the odd first message It does sometimes take me a while though.

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By *om_38Man
3 weeks ago

stoke

Would always be a nice surprise

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By *naswingdressWoman
3 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I wish filters were more selective. I don't want to block all men, I have every other filter on to stop people outside of my age range or those with no photos etc, but I would like to be able to block people who are outside of a certain distance for example. And I wish the verification on here was better too.

So much of this site just needs updating."

Yes. I'd really like to be able to allow some men to message without the absolute fucking onslaught. (Like you, I'd probably do my location plus x miles. Like I'm sorry dude in Jersey or Cork or Unst, but... Gotta draw a freaking line somewhere, and the further away you are, the less appealing you are as a prospect)

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By *eorge1949Man
3 weeks ago

Broadway(george)

It gives me a lovely warm feeling to get a proper message from a woman and on the rare occasion it happens some really lovely conversations have followed.

Sadly the older l get the greater the rarity!!

Crude or nonsensical messages just get deleted.

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By *hickthighs26Woman
3 weeks ago

funky town

I wonder if the women who say hi, and the women who say "don't just say hi" are different women.

Although I'm not saying that hypocrisy is out of the question.

In my experiences, they are mostly the same women. Other people may have different experiences."

Hi 👋

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By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

"It gives me a lovely warm feeling ."

Peeing yourself also works

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By *akedMMan
3 weeks ago

Witney

I would be honoured if a woman messaged me first

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By *essTTWoman
3 weeks ago

Birmingham

Men.. do you like women who message first? Or do you prefer to make the first move? Women do you message guys first on here to much success?

I think women should do what they like.

I message first if I see someone that tickles my fancy

Some women don't want to, they shouldn't have to change how they use the site to appease others

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
3 weeks ago

London

I wonder if the women who say hi, and the women who say "don't just say hi" are different women.

Although I'm not saying that hypocrisy is out of the question.

In my experiences, they are mostly the same women. Other people may have different experiences.

Hi 👋"

That's not fair. You already know I fancy you 😜 and hi 👋🏾 how are you?

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By *WB85Man
3 weeks ago

Staffordshire

"I'd message first more if there were more men I found attractive

Ohhft..... shots fired 🤣

But this is the difference isn't it.

Women only message those they are interested in.

Men message anyone in a 20mile radius

I think it actually a much larger radius.

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By *issilia AmoriWoman
3 weeks ago

North Welsh Borders

I rarely message first as I'm not good at putting myself out there

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By *hamallamadingdongMan
3 weeks ago

London

"I rarely message first as I'm not good at putting myself out there"

Some men are the same.

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
3 weeks ago

Herts/Leeds

I never message first. Often don’t message at all. I’m not doing this right am I?

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By *im_86Man
3 weeks ago

liverpool

A lady who is very confident and messages first is a big turn on

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
3 weeks ago

Bristol

I don't think women "should" message first more often.

I don't think it would change the amount of women in my inbox.

Besides, the ones that do message first either say "hi" or show the tell-tale signs of actually being a man 😂

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By *actile TensionMan
3 weeks ago

Sussex

Having the ability to do something and choosing not to, is probably my favourite trait to see in man or woman.

Self restraint/discipline type stuff

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By *rishCWoman
3 weeks ago

Cavan

If I see someone that catches my eye, then yes I'll message first, but that's usually because I've seen them on the forums or chatrooms. Tbh most women's inbox are so full that they don't get a chance to check out guys. I have no issue doing it though, sure isn't that what this site is all about.

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By *iver78Man
3 weeks ago

barton upon humber

"Think the comment about bumble is spot on , this site is a women's world

and then people can't moan about being bombarded with messages

But I'm pretty sure a lot of women love the attention

and get a ego boost by posting the fact they have sooooo many

I may be wrong , I usually am lol.

Everyone on here wants the attention.

Why people post pictures. I take my filters off when I need an ego boost. "

I fully agree

but why do they then moan about ?? Haha , thats the bit I get confused with

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By *naswingdressWoman
3 weeks ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Think the comment about bumble is spot on , this site is a women's world

and then people can't moan about being bombarded with messages

But I'm pretty sure a lot of women love the attention

and get a ego boost by posting the fact they have sooooo many

I may be wrong , I usually am lol.

Everyone on here wants the attention.

Why people post pictures. I take my filters off when I need an ego boost.

I fully agree

but why do they then moan about ?? Haha , thats the bit I get confused with "

I complained about messages because they were terrible. (Past tense because my filters are closed to almost everyone)

Yes, it's great to get umpteen messages. Except when at least half of them make you feel like a piece of meat.

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By *a LunaWoman
3 weeks ago

Wales

No, everytime I’ve messaged a man they have promptly disappeared from the site.

📢 “I can take a hint guys!”

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By *issilia AmoriWoman
3 weeks ago

North Welsh Borders

"I rarely message first as I'm not good at putting myself out there

Some men are the same."

Yep, no doubt about it

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By *laytime_13Woman
3 weeks ago

Lincs

My filters live pretty much permanently on. If a profile catches my eye, I'll send a wink, this means my filters can be circumnavigated if they wish to send a message.

Of course it does rely on them checking/seeing the wink but if it doesn't illicit a response I've not lost anything and won't stress over it.

It might mean I miss out on someone not on my radar I guess but it largely works for me.

I have previously sent first messages but tbh I'm not good at working out what to say so it's better all round that I don't

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By *atiekisskissWoman
3 weeks ago

London

I've never sent the first message

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By *weetSmellingSam OP TV/TS
3 weeks ago

Consett

Well I messaged a guy first today and he replied with a lovely response, not sure why I was nervous to message guys first. x

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By *AngelXWoman
3 weeks ago

North East

I have sent messages first to guys who have sent a wink and I like the look of them/their profile or in response to a status update.

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By *007ManMan
3 weeks ago

Worthing

As long as the first message is not just a single word like hi or a single emoji i've had plenty of those!

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By *oeBeansMan
3 weeks ago

Derby

I feel like with men mostly always sending the first message, women don't really need to do the same. I have had women send the first message which has been great to see as I've had some brilliant conversations and meets as a result of it.

I get some women may not like being knocked back and the confidence hit it can have so I have it on my profile to wink if they're interested. That way I know there's interest there and if I send the first message, I'll more likely get a reply.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
Forum Mod
3 weeks ago

Central

I do message first quite often but I find keeping on top of the inbox hard work

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By *kphooey43Man
3 weeks ago

Barnet

"If I'm interested in someone I'll message first... I'll try and put a little effort in/not waffle crap...

I like waffles

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By *asoMan
3 weeks ago

Sheffield

[Removed by poster at 22/05/26 21:32:25]

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By *asoMan
3 weeks ago

Sheffield

They taken over society so may as well message first 😂

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By *kphooey43Man
3 weeks ago

Barnet

"It gives me a lovely warm feeling .

Peeing yourself also works"

So does feeling yourself

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By *kphooey43Man
3 weeks ago

Barnet

"I've never sent the first message "

Be bold, take the plunge, what's the worst that can happen?

(Probably best not to answer that, your first message will probably be to some Charles Manson character!)

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By *i4bicplsMan
2 weeks ago

Darwen

I like to hear from women first. We aren't mind readers, it's nice to know there is some interest out there.

When I message I'm quite selective. With women recieving many messages, I don't see the point of messaging first. Many appear to bulk delete, so the odds are naturally against us men recieving any sort of reply.

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By *inkyLips2.0Woman
2 weeks ago

Debauchery

"They taken over society so may as well message first 😂 "

I know you can’t possibly mean women 😐

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
2 weeks ago

Chichester

Men.. do you like women who message first? Or do you prefer to make the first move? Women do you message guys first on here to much success?

I message those I find maybe compatible. They can either ignore or reply Either works and doesn’t really matter to how you function I find. Fab is attrition based

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By *ray_BTWMan
2 weeks ago

Worcester

Happened to me once on the back of a forum post, met her 3 days later

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By *oxy-RedWoman
2 weeks ago

pink panther territory

I rarely do this,I just think he's way out of my league I'd just be waisting my time in messaging him so don't bother

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