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"A hypothetical question. No, it really is, no one asks me out on dates. Anyway, you get invited out of dinner, drinks, a social or an overnight hotel stay. Something that is a little out of your budget. What is your approach? Do you assume the person inviting you is paying if they picked somewhere pricey? Would you be upfront and suggest something more in your price range? Or do you just accept that you will be living on beans and toast for the rest of the month? " Assume nothing. Just ask. | |||
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"A hypothetical question. No, it really is, no one asks me out on dates. Anyway, you get invited out of dinner, drinks, a social or an overnight hotel stay. Something that is a little out of your budget. What is your approach? Do you assume the person inviting you is paying if they picked somewhere pricey? Would you be upfront and suggest something more in your price range? Or do you just accept that you will be living on beans and toast for the rest of the month? " I'd invite you out for beans on toast 🤣👍 | |||
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"If I am inviting you out to join me, then i'm paying. If you invite me out, then, i'd probably still pay but I would certainly offer and be prepared to pay at least half. " This is my way of thinking as well. If I’m inviting, I am expecting to pay the bill. 🎀 | |||
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"What would you do, Effy? Don't want to type anything wanky so I'll ask you instead. :D" I've never been comfortable with the other person paying. I'm always happy to split the cost or offer to pay whether I suggested it or not. If it was way above what I could afford, I don't think I would have any issues in being honest and suggesting somewhere/thing else that was more within my price range. As someone else mentioned, their response to that would determine whether they were worth leaving the house for anyway. | |||
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"I am old fashioned and will always expect to pay !! But also I always like it when the lady offers to pay there share , but don't expect it , I used to see a lady who I tool away a few times and she always offerd to pay but I dident let her so she would pay restaurant bills and for coffee etc haha it always made me smile and was a bit of game to see who could pay first " I'm usually too busy 'tooling away' to spend valuable time on dinner dates! | |||
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"I am old fashioned and will always expect to pay !! But also I always like it when the lady offers to pay there share , but don't expect it , I used to see a lady who I tool away a few times and she always offerd to pay but I dident let her so she would pay restaurant bills and for coffee etc haha it always made me smile and was a bit of game to see who could pay first " I think this is pretty fair if you are planning a few different things on the same day. No one is left footing the bill and it still makes you feel a little chivalrous | |||
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"I do agree with suggesting an alternative but I'd probably feel too embarrassed to say why so I'd probably phrase it as "oh I've heard good things about this place and always wanted to try it out". Honestly, if it was a first date, I would expect I'd be paying the bill regardless but I always try to keep them fairly cheap like a coffee place or a pub." That's understandable and also a great way of trying to divert the date to somewhere more affordable. I do agree with keeping first dates casual and "cheap". A drink in a pub and a walk if the weather allows it is a great. | |||
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"I do agree with suggesting an alternative but I'd probably feel too embarrassed to say why so I'd probably phrase it as "oh I've heard good things about this place and always wanted to try it out". Honestly, if it was a first date, I would expect I'd be paying the bill regardless but I always try to keep them fairly cheap like a coffee place or a pub. That's understandable and also a great way of trying to divert the date to somewhere more affordable. I do agree with keeping first dates casual and "cheap". A drink in a pub and a walk if the weather allows it is a great." Exactly, I think you hope that understanding comes with the more time you spend together. My mate bought a house and has other expenses which a few of us don't so he'll generally ask when we meet up if we can keep things cheap and it's not an issue. It should be about catching up/getting to know someone anyway regardless of the place. | |||
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"Meeting isn't anything new 💕 but what usually happens is you arrange to meet at 'le' otel and people agree to the bill before hand. They usually know if there'll be a drink or food so again nothing will be a surprise.. Its been happening for ages now 🍰 " Ahh, Goodmess! It's an entirely new concept to me, but I'm glad you took the time to explain it in simpler terms. What would we do without people like you 🫶 | |||
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"I would always offer to split no matter were we were going. If it was out of my budget i would let them know probably in a jokey way due to embarassment but i would suggest somewhere different " Why would it be embarrassing if it was out of your budget? | |||
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"I'd probably let them know if it was outwith my price range But if they said it was their treat, I'd be okay with that ( provided it wasn't a first time thing)" This it is. As a rule I don't like people paying for me because I don't want to feel like I owe them something in return. | |||
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"I would always offer to split no matter were we were going. If it was out of my budget i would let them know probably in a jokey way due to embarassment but i would suggest somewhere different Why would it be embarrassing if it was out of your budget? " I always feel embarassed im a bit socially awkward especially with things like that. If someone said it to me i wouldnt blink an eye but when its me i would sit and worry about it | |||
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"I do agree with suggesting an alternative but I'd probably feel too embarrassed to say why so I'd probably phrase it as "oh I've heard good things about this place and always wanted to try it out". Honestly, if it was a first date, I would expect I'd be paying the bill regardless but I always try to keep them fairly cheap like a coffee place or a pub. That's understandable and also a great way of trying to divert the date to somewhere more affordable. I do agree with keeping first dates casual and "cheap". A drink in a pub and a walk if the weather allows it is a great. Exactly, I think you hope that understanding comes with the more time you spend together. My mate bought a house and has other expenses which a few of us don't so he'll generally ask when we meet up if we can keep things cheap and it's not an issue. It should be about catching up/getting to know someone anyway regardless of the place." Similar situation with my friends. We all live different lives, but are pretty comfortable letting each other know when an day out or activity just isn't going to work. Like you said though, it can be a little uncomfortable bringing that up with someone new. | |||
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"If you have a cockroach in a matchbox frankly you can afford to stay anywhere…" | |||
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"If you have a cockroach in a matchbox frankly you can afford to stay anywhere… I can’t get away with that one… | |||
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"As a rule I don't like people paying for me because I don't want to feel like I owe them something in return. " Maybe it's an age thing (and how I was brought up), but if I invite someone out or arrange to meet, then I always expect to pay (with zero expectations of anything in return). I've certainly been quite surprised and on more than one occasion, by how surprised some are by that though. Chivalry is alive and kicking here. | |||
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"I'd probably let them know if it was outwith my price range But if they said it was their treat, I'd be okay with that ( provided it wasn't a first time thing) This it is. As a rule I don't like people paying for me because I don't want to feel like I owe them something in return. " I've had this held over my head. And I'm sure (general) you are just chivalrous and this is what polite people do, etc, but it's *also* what manipulative people say to try to exchange meals for sex. So no, no I don't want that. | |||
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"I'd probably let them know if it was outwith my price range But if they said it was their treat, I'd be okay with that ( provided it wasn't a first time thing) This it is. As a rule I don't like people paying for me because I don't want to feel like I owe them something in return. I've had this held over my head. And I'm sure (general) you are just chivalrous and this is what polite people do, etc, but it's *also* what manipulative people say to try to exchange meals for sex. So no, no I don't want that." This for me too. I'm sure the vast majority of the people who offer to pay are genuinely doing it to be nice, but there still is that small minority who do it with an expectation and I'm not willing to put myself in that situation. Since being on here I've never met anyone at a hotel i haven't paid for. If that's going to arranged i want it in my name. | |||
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"I am old fashioned and will always expect to pay !!" • What's the correlation between being old fashioned and (always) expecting to pay? In any case I'm 'nouveau-fashioned' and always insist that she pays. | |||
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"A hypothetical question. No, it really is, no one asks me out on dates. Anyway, you get invited out of dinner, drinks, a social or an overnight hotel stay. Something that is a little out of your budget. What is your approach? Do you assume the person inviting you is paying if they picked somewhere pricey? Would you be upfront and suggest something more in your price range? Or do you just accept that you will be living on beans and toast for the rest of the month? " Communication, communication, communication Id speak to the other person and make sure we're both clear on the arrangements | |||
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