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"He sucked my cock like he had spinach stuck between his teeth "😂😂😂 | |||
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"I met him at the candy store He turned around and smiled at me You get the picture? (yes, we see) That's when I fell for _heeky trucker100 " 🤣🤣 | |||
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"In 🫣" I took the lovely Mrs Wolves out for a social drink. Interestingly, I noted that she promptly gulped down my drink as well as her own. Hmmm…I put this down as a possible mistake on her part but stone the blooming crows! - She repeated it again when I brought the replacement round!! Poor etiquette madam, very poor etiquette indeed 🤔😜 | |||
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"In "Ahhh the lovely Sparkle… I took her out for a drink and I recalled that she said she was a fiesty Scot’s lass…. Oh she was indeed it turned out! She announced that she was a descendant of Sawney Bean and promptly set about trying to devour my left leg(!!) I barely managed to escape (sans a few toes). Treat her with respect chaps 👍🏻😜 | |||
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Might dip my toe in the water. | |||
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"Spider Shams Spider Shams Does whatever a spider can Spins his web,takes any size Catches fanny just like flies Look out here comes the Spider Shams" I'm tempted to put this on my bio 😂 | |||
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"I'm in "You invited me to a finger buffet picnic on the beach I got more than expected  | |||
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"Spider Shams Spider Shams Does whatever a spider can Spins his web,takes any size Catches fanny just like flies Look out here comes the Spider Shams I'm tempted to put this on my bio 😂" Thats quality | |||
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"In 🫣 I took the lovely Mrs Wolves out for a social drink. Interestingly, I noted that she promptly gulped down my drink as well as her own. Hmmm…I put this down as a possible mistake on her part but stone the blooming crows! - She repeated it again when I brought the replacement round!! Poor etiquette madam, very poor etiquette indeed 🤔😜 " A Actually sounds quite legit 😂 | |||
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"Had a wonderful evening with the divine diamondsmiles sharing two chilled bottles of gin as we gave in to our deepest desires. Can honestly say she has the most extraordinary faxxxuf dttgss and looked amazing when I took her up the agrgjjd kkko lsffeag ! 😈" Im never going to live that down lol | |||
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"Cyprus Dream ! Lives in Cyprus and is a dream ! Fascinating mind, easy laughter and an exceptional body. She even forgave me when I mentioned her big cock.🐓" I'll forgive you for the cock shaming just the once, you made him shrivel up he was that embarrassed 🤣 | |||
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"Meeting Protocols & Safety Warnings following my meeting with CyprusDream: Under no circumstances shall you mention the sun, the clouds, or the current temperature on the Island. If you need a forecast, check Google; if you ask her, your digital existence will be terminated with extreme prejudice." 🤣🤣 sounds accurate to be fair, I'd happily display that one 🤣 | |||
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"I was shattered and needed a nap after 5 hours in a cramped Ryanair seat. Not sure how long my eyes were closed for but I was woken up by a tanned beauty, sat on my face, rubbing herself off on my nose. Dreams can come true in Cyprus. " 🤣 Sounds like that could be a standard alarm clock for you here in Cyprus Ronin | |||
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"Cyprusdream: She winked at me and told me seductively that she was going to show me all of her…..Unfortunately I obviously must have got my wires a bit crossed as it turns out she implied the country of Cyprus….and I subsequently had to pull my trousers back up in embarrassment 🫢🫢" I was only making you work up a sweat so you'd discard all of your clothing there's a method to my madness 😉 | |||
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" I’m in for a giggle " FlirtyFilth We met in a cafe, my suggestion, as the wanton strumpet wanted to come to mine and, 'ride my cock till she'd cum that much we'd need a lifeguard to rescue us from the flood'
I thought this was a trifle full on, so insisted on a social, much to her disappointment, but after turning a deaf ear to her relentless demands she eventually agreed to meet.
Crikey, this was a total disaster. She burped after every bit, chewed with her mouth open and accidentally sprayed an OAP with scrambled eggs when she laughed and she wouldn't let up with her demands for me to make her cum there and then. Honestly, some folk, eh?
The owner of the cafe would like to know what she did with his big salt and pepper shakers, as when we left she was walking funny and they were not to be seen | |||
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"In and _ensuallover1000 Well he turned up on a Raleigh Chopper, but forgot to bring the promised Battenberg Cake. So immediately got sent back out and promptly returned with Carrot Cake, a much inferior product. By this time the neighbours were getting suspicious so I allowed him in, where the bounder ate all of my Creme Eggs "😂😂😂 In my defence though, I was so fixated staring at thy boobs that I became rather delirious; By way of example, on my quest to the shop on my bike for what turned out to be carrot cake (my apologies about that), I forgot to dismount and inadvertently crashed through the glass doors at Morrisons… 😵💫😵💫😜 | |||
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"In stitches over here. 👏🏼 👏🏼 There’s some crackers. I’m in for a giggle " I met with the lovely FlirtyFilth in Tesco’s car park. Within mere seconds, she was asking about my club card status and enquiring if I similarly had any rewards for Waitrose and Sainsbury’s. ….Surprisingly, such rewards talk got me really sexually aroused though and I inadvertently ejaculated in my pants. I can’t wait for next time when we’ve arranged to meet at Co-Op 😍😍😜 | |||
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"I'm in "Cyprusdream... I flew several thousand miles and ladz... you wouldn't be disappointed despite the airfare and potential for drone strikes from Iran or even friendly fire from the Orangeman's goons... When I got to the hotel she was absolutely soaking... I offered her a towel as she got out of the pool ... she waved me aside as it was an all inclusive and I looked like the poolboy. Safe to say the rest of the day was hot as hell... she really knew how to make me sweat (as I admired her from afar in 105 degrees heat)... Don't pass her by ladz, treat her with respect and she'll show you a good time... | |||
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"TT26. I was reluctant to bang, but she persuaded me by means of snacks and the promise of laughing at all my jokes. I could not really refuse that offer. So off I set, after my wank. She isn't that good that I'd drop mid wank. So I finished and made my way over. When I got there, no red dress. Just completely naked. So that was the first disappointment of the night. Second was she had shit snacks. She did however laugh at my jokes. So on the penis she got, sort of wiggled and made these weird noises. Made it kind of awkward really. But I'd made a promise to do it so I did. Thanks to my dedication to my word I managed to stay hard despite all the flailing and shocking attempts by her to be sexy she was throwing at me. Wiped it on the curtains, and got out of there fast. Made it home just in time for far more satisfying wank before sleep. Would attempt again 👍🏼 " Sounds like a good night 🤣 | |||
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"Thickthighs had been pestering me to meet for ages to confirm if I really did have a twelve inch cock. We got on really well at first but when she lifted her skirt to show me the tattoo on her arse, I put my foot in it. " You told me you were a size 11 and you were 10 i was dissapointed | |||
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"I'm in
Cyprusdream...
I flew several thousand miles and ladz... you wouldn't be disappointed despite the airfare and potential for drone strikes from Iran or even friendly fire from the Orangeman's goons...
When I got to the hotel she was absolutely soaking... I offered her a towel as she got out of the pool ... she waved me aside as it was an all inclusive and I looked like the poolboy.
Safe to say the rest of the day was hot as hell... she really knew how to make me sweat (as I admired her from afar in 105 degrees heat)...
Don't pass her by ladz, treat her with respect and she'll show you a good time... "🤣🤣 this actually made me laugh out loud, too funny but very true 🤣🤣 | |||
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"Met with Stanners who promised me an afternoon filled with delight of playing with his wood and balls. Little did I know he'd been for a round of gold and wanted someone to wash his clubs and polish his balls. Can't wait for our next round where he plans on planting his flagpole firmly in my bunker. Don't pass him by ladies, he always brings his A game and can drive it straight down the fairway to get his hole in one " 😂😂😂😂. Beat me to it, am working on the sequel | |||
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"Decided to meet someone going by the name _ensuallover1000, which in hindsight, should’ve been my first clue that this wouldn’t be an average encounter. Finding the location was an adventure in itself. “Somewhere In The Ether.” Helpful. After what felt like a treasure hunt I finally arrived. I was greeted not with small talk, but with a test of my mathematical skills. Nothing says sensual like frantically trying to remember what x equals. Just as I was processing whether I’d passed or failed this unexpected exam, the meeting ended rather abruptly with a solemn “May the force be with you” No action, no goodbye, just straight into Jedi territory. Overall, confusing and mildly educational. Would recommend bringing a calculator and a lightsaber." 😂😂😂 Wait……isn’t this how socials are supposed to go…..? 😵💫😵💫😜 | |||
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"Decided to meet someone going by the name _ensuallover1000, which in hindsight, should’ve been my first clue that this wouldn’t be an average encounter. Finding the location was an adventure in itself. “Somewhere In The Ether.” Helpful. After what felt like a treasure hunt I finally arrived. I was greeted not with small talk, but with a test of my mathematical skills. Nothing says sensual like frantically trying to remember what x equals. Just as I was processing whether I’d passed or failed this unexpected exam, the meeting ended rather abruptly with a solemn “May the force be with you” No action, no goodbye, just straight into Jedi territory. Overall, confusing and mildly educational. Would recommend bringing a calculator and a lightsaber. 😂😂😂 Wait……isn’t this how socials are supposed to go…..? 😵💫😵💫😜" Weirdly it was my best one yet 🤣 | |||
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"TT26. I was reluctant to bang, but she persuaded me by means of snacks and the promise of laughing at all my jokes. I could not really refuse that offer. So off I set, after my wank. She isn't that good that I'd drop mid wank. So I finished and made my way over. When I got there, no red dress. Just completely naked. So that was the first disappointment of the night. Second was she had shit snacks. She did however laugh at my jokes. So on the penis she got, sort of wiggled and made these weird noises. Made it kind of awkward really. But I'd made a promise to do it so I did. Thanks to my dedication to my word I managed to stay hard despite all the flailing and shocking attempts by her to be sexy she was throwing at me. Wiped it on the curtains, and got out of there fast. Made it home just in time for far more satisfying wank before sleep. Would attempt again 👍🏼 Sounds like a good night 🤣" Faf... Again? | |||
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"TT26. I was reluctant to bang, but she persuaded me by means of snacks and the promise of laughing at all my jokes. I could not really refuse that offer. So off I set, after my wank. She isn't that good that I'd drop mid wank. So I finished and made my way over. When I got there, no red dress. Just completely naked. So that was the first disappointment of the night. Second was she had shit snacks. She did however laugh at my jokes. So on the penis she got, sort of wiggled and made these weird noises. Made it kind of awkward really. But I'd made a promise to do it so I did. Thanks to my dedication to my word I managed to stay hard despite all the flailing and shocking attempts by her to be sexy she was throwing at me. Wiped it on the curtains, and got out of there fast. Made it home just in time for far more satisfying wank before sleep. Would attempt again 👍🏼 Sounds like a good night 🤣 Faf... Again? " Oh ok then may aswell | |||
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Meet over. Immediately.
It was all looking so promising up to then, he'd even come dressed as Papa Smurf, which he had insisted on. Not many people make that level of effort. No idea how long it takes him to get the blue dye off. | |||
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"Had my second meet with the lush Cyprudream, she had made me promise no golf related shenanigans, which was a bit of a red flag , but hey a potential shag is a potential shag, so I rolled with it. She had managed to wrangle us an invitation onto a posh boat, where there were cocktails and lots of pricks called Rupert or Giles. Anyway I can be sophisticated when I need to be so I suggested we find a cabin and I would introduce her to my mate seaman stains. She was well up for it and whispered she was gonna tear off my luminous pink thong with her teeth, Once in the cabin things started to get very hot very fast we were all over each other link lint on Velcro, unfortunately in my haste to ravish her , I accidentally switched on be PA system with my errant left testicle, meaning the rest of the guests were treated to the sound of my warthog like grunting and reciprocating fanny farts for the full 240 seconds of our sexual congress. Despite this she’s told me she’s still up for a third date. Not sure whether I should marry her or have her committed " 🤣🤣 sounds like the perfect second date Stanners, 3rd time lucky? | |||
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"Had my second meet with the lush Cyprudream, she had made me promise no golf related shenanigans, which was a bit of a red flag , but hey a potential shag is a potential shag, so I rolled with it. She had managed to wrangle us an invitation onto a posh boat, where there were cocktails and lots of pricks called Rupert or Giles. Anyway I can be sophisticated when I need to be so I suggested we find a cabin and I would introduce her to my mate seaman stains. She was well up for it and whispered she was gonna tear off my luminous pink thong with her teeth, Once in the cabin things started to get very hot very fast we were all over each other link lint on Velcro, unfortunately in my haste to ravish her , I accidentally switched on be PA system with my errant left testicle, meaning the rest of the guests were treated to the sound of my warthog like grunting and reciprocating fanny farts for the full 240 seconds of our sexual congress. Despite this she’s told me she’s still up for a third date. Not sure whether I should marry her or have her committed 🤣🤣 sounds like the perfect second date Stanners, 3rd time lucky? " Defo😘 | |||
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"LancashireRedhead. This wee minx had be pestering me for a meet for ages , so as I was over her way for work I figured, kill two birds etc. Also I was gagging to know if the carpet matched the curtains, if you know what I mean. When arrived at her gaff she was waiting and ushered me in to the drawing room where I damn near set my neck on some 1700s looking yarn making device. She was more forceful than I expected, instructing me to strip and ensure I was fully erect by the time she got back from the kitchen with Ribena and Bourbon biccies. Needless to say I was more than up for that challenge and by the time she came back I was nude and harder than a Financial Times crossword. And this is when it happened… I had been deceived, my stunning flame haired hostess did not want me for my sexual prowess, she simply needed something to hang her wool around on as she knitted socks for the local pigeon population. 5 hours of click click click, interspersed with profanity as she missed a stitch, and frequent threats of “ if you go soft I’m gonna sound it with my biggest needle”. On a positive note she did give me a quick snog and a flash of her left flap as she kicked me out at midnight. Suffice to say this was the most disturbing and humiliating date I’ve ever had. Can’t wait to do it again " 🤣🤣🤣 brilliant! 👏 | |||
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"The only guy on fab to get me soaking wet on a couple of occasions and that was before I met him,I only came to hear him speak biggest soaker in town Ronin." I'm hoping you're not just talking about t-shirts | |||
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" I’m in for a giggle FlirtyFilth We met in a cafe, my suggestion, as the wanton strumpet wanted to come to mine and, 'ride my cock till she'd cum that much we'd need a lifeguard to rescue us from the flood'
I thought this was a trifle full on, so insisted on a social, much to her disappointment, but after turning a deaf ear to her relentless demands she eventually agreed to meet.
Crikey, this was a total disaster. She burped after every bit, chewed with her mouth open and accidentally sprayed an OAP with scrambled eggs when she laughed and she wouldn't let up with her demands for me to make her cum there and then. Honestly, some folk, eh?
The owner of the cafe would like to know what she did with his big salt and pepper shakers, as when we left she was walking funny and they were not to be seen "Did you want the condiment receptacles back? You asked me to smuggle them out! | |||
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"I'm in. I met up with SexxyyDy11 he asked me for my autograph Meet over. Immediately.
It was all looking so promising up to then, he'd even come dressed as Papa Smurf, which he had insisted on. Not many people make that level of effort. No idea how long it takes him to get the blue dye off. "Sadly the blue dye is permanent 😪 | |||
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"So Stanners and I decided to have a bromantic social together. I arrived at the appointed Wetherspoons and sat at his table. The conversation was a little stilted and even a tad awkward but we persevered like true chaps should. After some time we shock hands and parted and as I was walking out the door, who should I bump into….Why, It was the ACTUAL Stanners who was running late. It turns out I had spent the previous two hours chatting to a random bloke called Bill 😵💫" You’d be surprised how often that happens! I might have to get a court order for that bugger Bill | |||
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"Elderflower Apple. Her shimmering beauty and understated eroticism literally took my breath away. Then she pissed off before the ambulance arrived. Would meet again when the pacemaker is fitted." I do have that effect! 🤦🏻♀️ | |||
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"So I meet SexxyyDy11 at the local Library as he likes books. We sat in the library garden discussing books and catching some rays. Only issue is with D being a ginge/redhead he started to look more beetroot by the minute. Didn't help he wore a salmon pink shirt which my God clashed totally with his hair and his bright orange crocs! He treated me to a musical and I just sat there whilst he sung his heart out belting out hits like Let it go at the top of his lungs. He started to waffle on about how him and Olaf were like long lost brothers, Olaf for his carrot nose and D with his carrot hair Afterwards I suggested going for a curry. We did discuss Pizza but I was very concerned for the safety of anyone who had any pineapple on their pizza!! We got back to his place and retired to his bedroom and his dog just completely cock blocked us. D also blamed the wind on the dog poor baby! It had started to rain so rather than go for a walk or continuing trying to get it on, I just grabbed a black marker pen and decided to join up the dots with his freckles to eleviate the boredom. Just to recap on his profile he says he is 7 inches and pretty thick, your telling me I mean who thinks they are related to a snowman. Only good tip he gave me was don't eat yellow snow! Wise advice He also wears Crocs, hates pineapple on Pizza so don't waste your time with this nutter unless you like to join up the dots." 😂😂😂😂😂😂 the pen won't rub off and sorry for getting triggered over pineapple with pizza. But it was traumatic okay | |||
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"So I meet SexxyyDy11 at the local Library as he likes books. We sat in the library garden discussing books and catching some rays. Only issue is with D being a ginge/redhead he started to look more beetroot by the minute. Didn't help he wore a salmon pink shirt which my God clashed totally with his hair and his bright orange crocs! He treated me to a musical and I just sat there whilst he sung his heart out belting out hits like Let it go at the top of his lungs. He started to waffle on about how him and Olaf were like long lost brothers, Olaf for his carrot nose and D with his carrot hair Afterwards I suggested going for a curry. We did discuss Pizza but I was very concerned for the safety of anyone who had any pineapple on their pizza!! We got back to his place and retired to his bedroom and his dog just completely cock blocked us. D also blamed the wind on the dog poor baby! It had started to rain so rather than go for a walk or continuing trying to get it on, I just grabbed a black marker pen and decided to join up the dots with his freckles to eleviate the boredom. Just to recap on his profile he says he is 7 inches and pretty thick, your telling me I mean who thinks they are related to a snowman. Only good tip he gave me was don't eat yellow snow! Wise advice He also wears Crocs, hates pineapple on Pizza so don't waste your time with this nutter unless you like to join up the dots. 😂😂😂😂😂😂 the pen won't rub off and sorry for getting triggered over pineapple with pizza. But it was traumatic okay " "Let it go, let it gooooooo!" | |||
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"Me and my mate Norman enjoyed meeting Flirty Filth who was just looking for a good time on here, trying to sleep her way through the site! Although technically married, she cannot remember her husband's name, but she is definitely turned on if you seek to incorporate her spouse in a ménage à trois au quatre "He just films it | |||
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P.S I only popped out for a pint of milk. | |||
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"I met _earditall today.. I think it went very well. We met in town where I took her to Greg's for a spot of lunch. We got on very well until I started munching on my sausage roll ive selected for my lunch.. I guess I shouldn't have licked up and down that sausage roll before I put it all in my mouth.. I may have gave her the wrong impression.. However, on a positive note.. I was well impressed with her ability to gorged on a cream bun with such vigorousity that some of the cream flicked over two tables and hit the forehead of an elderly lady that then commented that that brought back some fun memories Would I meet her again, damn right I would.. her opinion of me? Probably not 🤣🤣🤣" 🤣🤣🤣 | |||
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"I met _earditall today.. I think it went very well. We met in town where I took her to Greg's for a spot of lunch. We got on very well until I started munching on my sausage roll ive selected for my lunch.. I guess I shouldn't have licked up and down that sausage roll before I put it all in my mouth.. I may have gave her the wrong impression.. However, on a positive note.. I was well impressed with her ability to gorged on a cream bun with such vigorousity that some of the cream flicked over two tables and hit the forehead of an elderly lady that then commented that that brought back some fun memories Would I meet her again, damn right I would.. her opinion of me? Probably not 🤣🤣🤣" 😂 love it 😀 | |||
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"I met _earditall today.. I think it went very well. We met in town where I took her to Greg's for a spot of lunch. We got on very well until I started munching on my sausage roll ive selected for my lunch.. I guess I shouldn't have licked up and down that sausage roll before I put it all in my mouth.. I may have gave her the wrong impression.. However, on a positive note.. I was well impressed with her ability to gorged on a cream bun with such vigorousity that some of the cream flicked over two tables and hit the forehead of an elderly lady that then commented that that brought back some fun memories Would I meet her again, damn right I would.. her opinion of me? Probably not 🤣🤣🤣 🤣🤣🤣" I met this lady today.. considering we got on so well, I can honestly say that I was well excited. I asked her to meet me down by the beach as I had a surprised for her.. The look of joy on her face when she turned up to find I had a orange dingy ready to cast us off to sea, followed by myself basking in the glorious sun in my orange pants, however, unknown to me, each time I stood next to the boat, I was a quarter camouflage. The laughes we had.. We had a lovely time of course, however, unbeknown to her, she had watermelon seeds stuck to her teeth. I wanted to say something but was afraid she might spit them out and puncture the dingy.. last thing anyone needs is a bright orange pants man floating in the sea like a Terry's chocolate orange advertising myself as a snack for the local fishies I woukd certainly meet her again.. next time ill be dressed as a semi naked butler though.. story to be continued.... 🤣🤣🤣 | |||
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"I met _earditall today.. I think it went very well. We met in town where I took her to Greg's for a spot of lunch. We got on very well until I started munching on my sausage roll ive selected for my lunch.. I guess I shouldn't have licked up and down that sausage roll before I put it all in my mouth.. I may have gave her the wrong impression.. However, on a positive note.. I was well impressed with her ability to gorged on a cream bun with such vigorousity that some of the cream flicked over two tables and hit the forehead of an elderly lady that then commented that that brought back some fun memories Would I meet her again, damn right I would.. her opinion of me? Probably not 🤣🤣🤣 🤣🤣🤣 I met this lady today.. considering we got on so well, I can honestly say that I was well excited. I asked her to meet me down by the beach as I had a surprised for her.. The look of joy on her face when she turned up to find I had a orange dingy ready to cast us off to sea, followed by myself basking in the glorious sun in my orange pants, however, unknown to me, each time I stood next to the boat, I was a quarter camouflage. The laughes we had.. We had a lovely time of course, however, unbeknown to her, she had watermelon seeds stuck to her teeth. I wanted to say something but was afraid she might spit them out and puncture the dingy.. last thing anyone needs is a bright orange pants man floating in the sea like a Terry's chocolate orange advertising myself as a snack for the local fishies I woukd certainly meet her again.. next time ill be dressed as a semi naked butler though.. story to be continued.... 🤣🤣🤣" 🤣🤣🤣 Great date. Good laughs but his little dinkie didn’t fill his tiny orange pants, lots of baggy material drooping between his legs was really off-putting. I promise not to eat watermelon ever again if you promise never to wear those skimpy orange pants again. Looking forward to seeing the butler outfit and hope this time his pants fit correctly or he finds a pair of socks to stuff them. | |||
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"I met _earditall today.. I think it went very well. We met in town where I took her to Greg's for a spot of lunch. We got on very well until I started munching on my sausage roll ive selected for my lunch.. I guess I shouldn't have licked up and down that sausage roll before I put it all in my mouth.. I may have gave her the wrong impression.. However, on a positive note.. I was well impressed with her ability to gorged on a cream bun with such vigorousity that some of the cream flicked over two tables and hit the forehead of an elderly lady that then commented that that brought back some fun memories Would I meet her again, damn right I would.. her opinion of me? Probably not 🤣🤣🤣 🤣🤣🤣 I met this lady today.. considering we got on so well, I can honestly say that I was well excited. I asked her to meet me down by the beach as I had a surprised for her.. The look of joy on her face when she turned up to find I had a orange dingy ready to cast us off to sea, followed by myself basking in the glorious sun in my orange pants, however, unknown to me, each time I stood next to the boat, I was a quarter camouflage. The laughes we had.. We had a lovely time of course, however, unbeknown to her, she had watermelon seeds stuck to her teeth. I wanted to say something but was afraid she might spit them out and puncture the dingy.. last thing anyone needs is a bright orange pants man floating in the sea like a Terry's chocolate orange advertising myself as a snack for the local fishies I woukd certainly meet her again.. next time ill be dressed as a semi naked butler though.. story to be continued.... 🤣🤣🤣 🤣🤣🤣 Great date. Good laughs but his little dinkie didn’t fill his tiny orange pants, lots of baggy material drooping between his legs was really off-putting. I promise not to eat watermelon ever again if you promise never to wear those skimpy orange pants again. Looking forward to seeing the butler outfit and hope this time his pants fit correctly or he finds a pair of socks to stuff them. "Socks? Come on.. thats what seas are for 🙄🤣🤣🤣 | |||
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"After many messages and a couple of trips to court to get the terms of the restraining order amended I was finally allowed to meet Hearditall “ in the flesh” My lawyer insisted I should meet her in a public space so we agreed on an Arts and Crafts centre near Wigan as the venue. As usual I was very dapper, clean shorts and an ironed T shirt, I’d even buffed up me trainers. She turned up in an all leather ensemble looking like a younger and hotter Alice Cooper just without the snake. First session was a bit boring making baskets, as I’d done that before when I stayed in the place that definitely wasn’t an asylum. However after that things took a positive upturn, as we moved on to candle making . She wanted one in the shape of my knob and I had to have a pair based on her tits with the wicks as nipples. We made moulds out of plaster of Paris, and I gave her a quick finger blast as it dried on her chest. The results were epic although the cock candle did turn out to be an alarming shade of purple. Final session was pottery and we went full on ghost, I sat behind her popped the old man out and she wiggled her way back on to him, we proceeded to have slightly awkward and very silent sex in the room whilst our arty classmates were none the wiser. It was all going so well until her third orgasm hit and she lost all hand eye coordination. It went everywhere , the floor the walls, in her hair, she was a soggy clay covered mess. We made our excuses and headed to the restroom to get cleaned up. I could tell she was a bit upset about the clay thing so in the drive home I stopped off and bought her 99 with monkeys blood which seemed to perk her up. Anyway she’s not messaged me since, or replied to mine and hidden her profile, but I’m sure that’s just because she’s busy with work " 🤣🤣 Stanners I love your imagination 🤣🤣 | |||
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"I met _earditall today.. I think it went very well. We met in town where I took her to Greg's for a spot of lunch. We got on very well until I started munching on my sausage roll ive selected for my lunch.. I guess I shouldn't have licked up and down that sausage roll before I put it all in my mouth.. I may have gave her the wrong impression.. However, on a positive note.. I was well impressed with her ability to gorged on a cream bun with such vigorousity that some of the cream flicked over two tables and hit the forehead of an elderly lady that then commented that that brought back some fun memories Would I meet her again, damn right I would.. her opinion of me? Probably not 🤣🤣🤣 🤣🤣🤣 I met this lady today.. considering we got on so well, I can honestly say that I was well excited. I asked her to meet me down by the beach as I had a surprised for her.. The look of joy on her face when she turned up to find I had a orange dingy ready to cast us off to sea, followed by myself basking in the glorious sun in my orange pants, however, unknown to me, each time I stood next to the boat, I was a quarter camouflage. The laughes we had.. We had a lovely time of course, however, unbeknown to her, she had watermelon seeds stuck to her teeth. I wanted to say something but was afraid she might spit them out and puncture the dingy.. last thing anyone needs is a bright orange pants man floating in the sea like a Terry's chocolate orange advertising myself as a snack for the local fishies I woukd certainly meet her again.. next time ill be dressed as a semi naked butler though.. story to be continued.... 🤣🤣🤣 🤣🤣🤣 Great date. Good laughs but his little dinkie didn’t fill his tiny orange pants, lots of baggy material drooping between his legs was really off-putting. I promise not to eat watermelon ever again if you promise never to wear those skimpy orange pants again. Looking forward to seeing the butler outfit and hope this time his pants fit correctly or he finds a pair of socks to stuff them.
Socks? Come on.. thats what seas are for 🙄🤣🤣🤣"Ok, we can use the sea then, It was quite embarrassing to see all that loose material hanging from your tiny orange thong 🤣 | |||
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"After many messages and a couple of trips to court to get the terms of the restraining order amended I was finally allowed to meet Hearditall “ in the flesh” My lawyer insisted I should meet her in a public space so we agreed on an Arts and Crafts centre near Wigan as the venue. As usual I was very dapper, clean shorts and an ironed T shirt, I’d even buffed up me trainers. She turned up in an all leather ensemble looking like a younger and hotter Alice Cooper just without the snake. First session was a bit boring making baskets, as I’d done that before when I stayed in the place that definitely wasn’t an asylum. However after that things took a positive upturn, as we moved on to candle making . She wanted one in the shape of my knob and I had to have a pair based on her tits with the wicks as nipples. We made moulds out of plaster of Paris, and I gave her a quick finger blast as it dried on her chest. The results were epic although the cock candle did turn out to be an alarming shade of purple. Final session was pottery and we went full on ghost, I sat behind her popped the old man out and she wiggled her way back on to him, we proceeded to have slightly awkward and very silent sex in the room whilst our arty classmates were none the wiser. It was all going so well until her third orgasm hit and she lost all hand eye coordination. It went everywhere , the floor the walls, in her hair, she was a soggy clay covered mess. We made our excuses and headed to the restroom to get cleaned up. I could tell she was a bit upset about the clay thing so in the drive home I stopped off and bought her 99 with monkeys blood which seemed to perk her up. Anyway she’s not messaged me since, or replied to mine and hidden her profile, but I’m sure that’s just because she’s busy with work 🤣🤣 Stanners I love your imagination 🤣🤣" Thank you, Bob Mortimer is my comedy hero | |||
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"It was about 19.50 I was waiting for a bus,little did I know this bus would lead to the crazy randomness of fab..and now I'm riding the hell out of life with one of the elites. He's got Style and a groovy smile and a body that just won't stop. When the going gets rough he's super tough with a Hong Kong phooey chop. I am now named spot the pussy
P.S I only popped out for a pint of milk."Oh, HeardItAll is awfully tall, A generous, ample queen, She’s taking up the whole damn stair, A most imposing scene. She’s on the naughty step to wait, And ponder what she’s done, Beside a file drawer that stays shut, Where little work gets done. . She sighs, “Well, hello, police station, It’s me, upon the floor!” But no one comes to hear her tale, Not even at the door. Her Spot—that sleepy pussycat— Just yawns at her big plight, While Rosemary from upstairs shouts, “You don’t say?” with delight. . So HeardItAll sits large and proud, While Spot enjoys a nap, No Kung Fu needed in this scene, Just time to fill the gap. | |||
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"In... " I'm in. Badoldme We met at his. Well, I say at his, this was more a case of eventually, as his house number was in the smallest numbers ever! I had to knock on 2 of his neighbour's doors first before I found the right place. As I went up his path, his security light came on, so I naturally began a big song and dance number under the spotlight, with his neighbours stood on their doorsteps applauding. Badoldme didn't look quite so happy and I thought him telling his neighbours to mind their own business was quite uncalled for. Other than that, the meet was quite the success and upon leaving as he'd forgotten to turn the security light off, I did a nice little tap dance number for his neighbours, as quite a crowd had grown | |||
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"In 💋 " Met this lovely couple for play meet. I was very keen for an MMF as Mrs had told me that Mr had 'got wood' at our earlier social. When he got undressed that turned out to be his prosthetic arm. But I was determined to avoid any potential awkwardness from this revelation and asked him if he had any other surprises up his sleeve. Can't wait till next time, but they have messaged to say they've left the country. | |||
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"Verification for Thickthighs26: What can I say about this incredible woman? We met for a social and got on like a house on fire. The chemistry was electric. After lots of intense eye contact, holding hands and a few kisses, we decided to find a hotel. Once we entered the room we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Clothes evaporated. Intense breathing, lots of moaning and then it happened. She took out butter from her purse. Not a small bit from a bed and breakfast. One of those massive tubs. She scooped out a dollop with her hand and began lubing it onto my shaft. Then she gave me a blowjob. The heat from her mouth made me feel like she was toasting my cock. And then she slipped a few fingers up my bum with her buttery fingers. I've never been so violated and turned on in my life." 😂😂😂😂 | |||
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"Greebo74 is not joking when she says meets take a while. We chatted for so long that I almost put her down as a personal reference on my mortgage application. I am officially honored to announce that I have breached the fortress, bypassing her 'exclusivity clause'. I will be updating my LinkedIn profile to include “Extremely Gifted & Carefully Selected” immediately. Highly recommended... though frankly, I’m hoping she doesn't read any of your messages so I can keep my spot on the roster!" 😂😂 love it! | |||
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