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Emotional Intelligence

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By *oeBeans OP   Man
26 weeks ago

Derby

What does it mean to you? Do you have it? And would other agree?

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By *eltCuteMightDeleteWoman
26 weeks ago

Reading

I think the core components (for me) about emotional intelligence are self awareness and empathy which I think is lacking amongst quite a large group of people.

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By *herry77Woman
26 weeks ago

North West

I hope so, I need it for my job! I’m still a work in progress in refining it though.

I agree that there’s a real scarcity of it about sadly.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
26 weeks ago

Tamworth

Great question. I think for me, it’s about being able to recognise what I’m feeling and why, then respond rather than react. And likewise in others, being able to empathise and read the room rather than assuming I know what’s going on.

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By *ad NannaWoman
26 weeks ago

East London

I sometimes struggle to manage my emotions, and I tend to clam up rather than express them.

I'm aware of that so does that make me emotionally intelligent?

I do better with other peoples' emotions as I'm very empathetic-which I hate.

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By *ellhungvweMan
26 weeks ago

Cheltenham

The ability to understand where your emotions are at and where they are taking you. If you can get a handle on this then you might have a chance of making sure you control them rather than them controlling you.

Most people, like me, react far more than they respond to emotions so I think people are generally very poor at emotional intelligence.

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By *onin25Man
26 weeks ago

Durham

Agree with what others have said, it's about empathy and self awareness. I think I have it, but sometimes my brain forgets to use it.

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By *earditallWoman
26 weeks ago

Lancaster

Would others agree?those that know me better yes.

Do i have it? ,yes I have needed it in my job and wouldn't have coped without it.

What does it mean? Knowing when and how to deal with certain situations with empathy and how you carry yourself and knowing when to remove yourself.

Not getting yourself worked up.

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By *exy RexyMan
26 weeks ago

Up North


"What does it mean to you? Do you have it? And would other agree?"

Comes with age son.

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By *oeBeans OP   Man
26 weeks ago

Derby


"I think the core components (for me) about emotional intelligence are self awareness and empathy which I think is lacking amongst quite a large group of people. "

I think those are very interesting components that you picked out, especially self awareness which is something I thought along the lines of too.

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By *oeBeans OP   Man
26 weeks ago

Derby


"I hope so, I need it for my job! I’m still a work in progress in refining it though.

I agree that there’s a real scarcity of it about sadly."

Oh that's interesting that it's a key part of your job. Do you think it's something that could ever be mastered or or is it constantly a work in progress?

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By *herry77Woman
26 weeks ago

North West


"I hope so, I need it for my job! I’m still a work in progress in refining it though.

I agree that there’s a real scarcity of it about sadly.

Oh that's interesting that it's a key part of your job. Do you think it's something that could ever be mastered or or is it constantly a work in progress?"

I think it’s likely that we always have blind spots!

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

I don't know what it is Joe but I know I don't have it.

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By *aFemmeCoquetteWoman
26 weeks ago

Somewhere in the middle not the.....

Self awareness and empathy, definitely something I have to be on top of in my job, hasn't been without its challenges in the beginning but I'm definitely very concious of it now.

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

Is it just another way of saying someone is a nice person?

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

There a great book by Daniel Goleman if anyone is interested in learning more. Available as an audiobook too

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
26 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

It's being feelings clever, I have it by the truck load but others can't see it cos they dont have it...... simples

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By *riel13Woman
26 weeks ago

Northampton

Any type of intelligence would be nice, these days

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By *olvesxcoupleCouple
26 weeks ago

Round the bend

Definitely about self awareness and empathy as others have said.

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By *annyC73Man
26 weeks ago

North West

Definitely Self Awareness and Empathy as people have said. I would add in honesty also

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By *esYesOMGYes!Man
26 weeks ago

Didsbury

Metacognition is its highest level. The ability to observe your own impulses in real time. See any stimulus for what it is and respond to it (or not) rather than react. You have to learn to recognise your own life prejudices objectively to do this.

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

I think I have it, after therapy and help from others it’s improved a lot.

As per my school reports, I could still do better though

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
26 weeks ago

SW1A1AA

im not sure, i have empathy for others and I think i am a warm approachable person. But as far as my personal emotions go im very cold hearted and wouldn't let things affect me. Im not surely if that is hypercritical or not

Im just me

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
26 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle


"Metacognition is its highest level. The ability to observe your own impulses in real time. See any stimulus for what it is and respond to it (or not) rather than react. You have to learn to recognise your own life prejudices objectively to do this."

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

Think it's an odd term. Emotions and intelligence very different things. Would rather spend time with someone with a lovely character but if I need a bridge built or a brain transplant I'm going with the high IQ arsehole!

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By *etritusMan
26 weeks ago

York

I definately dont have it.

I very much suspect I have a touch of "the tism" in clear cut cases of, person is sad becasue of X, appropriate responce is Y. I can deal with other peoples outbursts.

If the situation where the other persons emotions do not compute. I eather try of offer advice or just freak out and leave the situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

An Emotionally intelligent person,tolerant, regulates their emotions, manage your emotions and they also knows how to navigate their sensitivities.... but this person really good at cutting people off if they sees that your sensitivity bring too much reactivity....

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By *hortieWoman
26 weeks ago

Northampton/south coast

That shit gets left at the door whenever I log into Fab.

If you can't beat em, join 'em.

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By *oeBeans OP   Man
26 weeks ago

Derby


"Great question. I think for me, it’s about being able to recognise what I’m feeling and why, then respond rather than react. And likewise in others, being able to empathise and read the room rather than assuming I know what’s going on. "

Ahhh right, the empathy is an interesting one for me as I always tended to look at my own handling of things which always think I need to sort out before I'm in a position to show empathy to others.

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By *tephTV67TV/TS
26 weeks ago

Cheshire

I reckon I’ll be at the beginning bit of emotional intelligence around my 70th birthday.

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

I'm too emotionally intelligent & empathetic 🤦‍♀️

Its means to me recognising yours & other people's emotions & responding accordingly.

I find a lot of men lacking in this department 😏

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By *oeBeans OP   Man
26 weeks ago

Derby


"I sometimes struggle to manage my emotions, and I tend to clam up rather than express them.

I'm aware of that so does that make me emotionally intelligent?

I do better with other peoples' emotions as I'm very empathetic-which I hate."

Why do you hate being empathetic? I get what you mean though about handling your own emotions and I still think acknowledging it is a sign of emotional intelligence

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By *unnyandthebookkeeperCouple
26 weeks ago

bristol

There are vast swathes of the population who lack the basic self awareness to recognise thier own often destructive patterns and who seek to villify others.

Self awareness and a consciousness of the difference between thoughts feelings and the truth is crucial to having constructive relationships in my oppinion. When you have the ability to talk and separate an emotional reaction from something your partner has actually done is life changing and throws anfocusnonto thenreal issues and solutions.

The ability to talk constructively and work towards common goals all while satisfying very different needs makes for trust and value in yourself and your relationship. That is my experience of emotional intelegence.

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By *porty_and_NaughtyCouple
26 weeks ago

Swansea


"Great question. I think for me, it’s about being able to recognise what I’m feeling and why, then respond rather than react. And likewise in others, being able to empathise and read the room rather than assuming I know what’s going on. "

This. Recognising your inner feelings are yours and being able to respond to a situation for what it is, not how you feel about it. As the lady said (sorry, I can't see your name now I've started typing) responding, not reacting.

P

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
26 weeks ago

Central

I have some and don't compare myself with others but do see many people who really have what I admire in them and hope I have some of it too

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By *ou only live onceMan
26 weeks ago

London

I went straight to empathy when thinking about definition, but I know it's broader than that. But in my head it's about being able to read people and situations and understand others' perspective - and being able to adapt your own behaviour or approach accordingly.

Not sure really, but I think I have those qualities I've described so I'll say I have EI!

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

I dunno....do ye know all I want in a man is when I cry over something proper, they come & hug me. Thats all I want.

I've never had that.

To me, that is emotional intelligence.

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By *oeBeans OP   Man
26 weeks ago

Derby


"The ability to understand where your emotions are at and where they are taking you. If you can get a handle on this then you might have a chance of making sure you control them rather than them controlling you.

Most people, like me, react far more than they respond to emotions so I think people are generally very poor at emotional intelligence."

I think I was a bit more along this line of defining it in terms of how I handle mine. But the empathy aspect definitely made me think about it on a wider spectrum!

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By *esYesOMGYes!Man
26 weeks ago

Didsbury


"I dunno....do ye know all I want in a man is when I cry over something proper, they come & hug me. Thats all I want.

I've never had that.

To me, that is emotional intelligence. "

I’m told that I give good hug. If you’re ever in Manchester and in need. No charge and no obligation, just a hug and a cuppa.

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago


"I dunno....do ye know all I want in a man is when I cry over something proper, they come & hug me. Thats all I want.

I've never had that.

To me, that is emotional intelligence.

I’m told that I give good hug. If you’re ever in Manchester and in need. No charge and no obligation, just a hug and a cuppa."

Deal x

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By *issilia AmoriWoman
26 weeks ago

North Welsh Borders

Self awareness and not just recognising and responding to your emotions but undestanding responding appropriately to the emotions in others.

Off that is the ability to self regulate and deal with your emotions rationally...Taking responsibility for your own emotions and not looking to others...

Empathy

Curiosity

Thinking about the actions and consequences

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By *ndycoinsMan
26 weeks ago

Whaley Bridge,Nr Buxton,

Are you ok Joe? Your posts of late are full of melancholy and self doubt.

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By *oeBeans OP   Man
26 weeks ago

Derby


"Would others agree?those that know me better yes.

Do i have it? ,yes I have needed it in my job and wouldn't have coped without it.

What does it mean? Knowing when and how to deal with certain situations with empathy and how you carry yourself and knowing when to remove yourself.

Not getting yourself worked up."

I quite like that answer. It seems you already have an idea of what it is, when to use it and you seem very secure in that.

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By *oeBeans OP   Man
26 weeks ago

Derby


"I don't know what it is Joe but I know I don't have it."

What makes you think you don't have it?

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
26 weeks ago

Leeds


"Do you have it? "

I’m void of most emotions, so no, to be honest I don’t have a fucking clue of what it is.

The mr

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By *ealitybitesMan
26 weeks ago

Belfast

I struggle with showing emotion at the best of times but I've always been emotionally intelligent despite not knowing that that was what it was.

I've been a carer from the age of 12 so I've been in many situations that required me to be empathetic and supportive and more often than not I've been able to deal with that.

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By *est-Yorkshire-GentMan
26 weeks ago

Leeds

I’ve been told I’m emotionally intelligent quite a few times. I don’t know exactly what’s meant by it as I’m not trying to be. Even got the comment in my latest veri so it must be a thing 🤷🏻‍♂️

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By *hilloutMan
26 weeks ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Havimg seen a definition of this term, I'm convinced many a person claims to possess it, when in reality this isn't the case at all.

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By *Silver-Man
26 weeks ago

North Wales

I think emotional inteligence is understanding one's emotions and others emotions and knowing how to manage those.

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By *carlettsWoman
26 weeks ago

Harpenden

I hope I do given I used to train on this topic

Agree with someones comment on a great book on EI by Daniel Goleman and also one by Marshall Rosenberg about non-violent communication

Self awareness and empathy are key points but people often forget about the social side and communication skills so being intune with how others are feeling too.

If you can improve your EI skills it can help you manage things like your stress levels which is always a good thing but also help create stronger relationships with people by having a better understanding of yours and their emotions

I love this sort of stuff plus things like self reflection, motivation and mindfullness

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By *lackadderMan
26 weeks ago

Eastbourne

No, I’m something of a knob.

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By *ormagenericlblokeMan
26 weeks ago

Hertfordshire

Everybody has emotional intelligence, it just depends how high your EQ is.

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By *obilebottomMan
26 weeks ago

All over


"I hope I do given I used to train on this topic

Agree with someones comment on a great book on EI by Daniel Goleman and also one by Marshall Rosenberg about non-violent communication

Self awareness and empathy are key points but people often forget about the social side and communication skills so being intune with how others are feeling too.

If you can improve your EI skills it can help you manage things like your stress levels which is always a good thing but also help create stronger relationships with people by having a better understanding of yours and their emotions

I love this sort of stuff plus things like self reflection, motivation and mindfullness"

I would say this encapsulates everything about EI.

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By *og and MuseCouple
26 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

It's pretty well understood these days but to me it's not just understanding it academically it's how you act in the moment that shows your true self awareness and emotional skill

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By *eliWoman
26 weeks ago

.


"Havimg seen a definition of this term, I'm convinced many a person claims to possess it, when in reality this isn't the case at all. "

Yep. Or they possess a minor level of it. Like we all do. I can think of so many examples of behaviour that show not a high level of EI...

And I'm also guilty of displaying them. To different levels. Maybe we're Dunning-Kruger-ing hard. :D

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By *og and MuseCouple
26 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"Everybody has emotional intelligence, it just depends how high your EQ is."

SQ is far more important now. We tested leaders for sq using sociogram because companies and groups rely on group dynamics for success. In SQ language I'm the super-collaborator & muse is pair creator !

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By *ellinever70Woman
26 weeks ago

Ayrshire

I have a real life friend who I would say is probably an empath....and that's often quite draining to be around, so hopefully emotional intelligence encapsulates so much more than empathy

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By *og and MuseCouple
26 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"I have a real life friend who I would say is probably an empath....and that's often quite draining to be around, so hopefully emotional intelligence encapsulates so much more than empathy "

Empaths are very low social and emotional intelligence, it's a disorder

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By *ellhungvweMan
26 weeks ago

Cheltenham

It is interesting that half the posts think it is internal and the other half think it is about other people.

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago


"It is interesting that half the posts think it is internal and the other half think it is about other people."

And the rest of us are just emotionless 🤷🏻‍♀️

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago


"I have a real life friend who I would say is probably an empath....and that's often quite draining to be around, so hopefully emotional intelligence encapsulates so much more than empathy "

This is why empathy on its own isn’t a great measure for EI.

I've also got a RL friend like this.

Without self-regulation skills and accurate interpretation, high sensitivity can turn into anxiety and reassurance-seeking, which isn’t especially emotionally intelligent in practice.

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By *ellhungvweMan
26 weeks ago

Cheltenham


"It is interesting that half the posts think it is internal and the other half think it is about other people.

And the rest of us are just emotionless 🤷🏻‍♀️"

That was average I would say.

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago


"It is interesting that half the posts think it is internal and the other half think it is about other people.

And the rest of us are just emotionless 🤷🏻‍♀️

That was average I would say."

😏

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
26 weeks ago

Yorkshire

Maybe.

Maybe not.

I do have a very beautiful penis though.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
26 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle


"I'm too emotionally intelligent & empathetic 🤦‍♀️

Its means to me recognising yours & other people's emotions & responding accordingly.

I find a lot of men lacking in this department 😏

"

That's interesting and I wouldn't question your belief but I find it difficult to comprehend that someone can be 'too' emotionally intelligent or too empathetic....

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
26 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle


"I have a real life friend who I would say is probably an empath....and that's often quite draining to be around, so hopefully emotional intelligence encapsulates so much more than empathy "

We, as human beings , are all empaths. Empathy is not a quality that some have and others don't.

Our lived experiences determine how much we develop empathy and also how we use it - goes for all emotions really.

So - anyone out there who thinks empathy is something other people do and you just can't , have another thought, do some reading of GOOD QUALITY literature and develop your empathetic side if you want to.

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By *emorefridaCouple
26 weeks ago

La la land

I think emotional intelligence is having an awareness of how your actions impacts on others. In essence how do you make the people around you feel?

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By *esYesOMGYes!Man
26 weeks ago

Didsbury

Empathy with low internal emotional logic creates a reactive state. Exhausting for them and those around them.

Low empathy and high internal emotional logic creates cold fish who find relating to others difficult. Some types of ‘tsm could be described this way.

High EQ is having enough of both to balance sensitivity, self awareness and control.

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By *eve500Man
26 weeks ago

Leeds

Being aware of your emotions, but not being a sl@ve to them....

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By *sWyldWoman
26 weeks ago

Edinburgh

I think it can be quite rare sadly. Its much more than having empathy.

Its actively listening. Its about being sincere.

The ability to read a room, to understand what isn't always said. To be self aware and to always seek to be.

It's something everyone should strive to be better at

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By *agic.MMan
26 weeks ago

Kent/London

Emotional intelligence...being in touch with your emotions...stoicism...these are all the same to me - which means understanding your emotions, being able to manage them within the moment and knowing how to express them in a positive way

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By *007ManMan
26 weeks ago

Worthing

Emotional Intelligence - You think about your words and actions (i.e. how they affect others) before initiating them. Empathy is the operative word.

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By *ellinever70Woman
26 weeks ago

Ayrshire


"Emotional Intelligence - You think about your words and actions (i.e. how they affect others) before initiating them. Empathy is the operative word."

Do you think that means only ever using words and actions that will be received in a positive way?

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

IMO, to try to explain it on a forum thread would only serve to admit that a person doesn’t have enough of it. Like so many other aspects of life we try to define and measure when we’re lacking or insecure in our abilities. Be happy with yourself and your cock or boob size l and your preferences and the number of messages you receive and be happy with those of others and have a great day

…meh, I’m the grinch and I know it…

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By *esYesOMGYes!Man
26 weeks ago

Didsbury


"Emotional Intelligence - You think about your words and actions (i.e. how they affect others) before initiating them. Empathy is the operative word.

Do you think that means only ever using words and actions that will be received in a positive way?"

Not if you’ve ever heard of dark empaths.

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By *oeBeans OP   Man
26 weeks ago

Derby


"I have a real life friend who I would say is probably an empath....and that's often quite draining to be around, so hopefully emotional intelligence encapsulates so much more than empathy

This is why empathy on its own isn’t a great measure for EI.

I've also got a RL friend like this.

Without self-regulation skills and accurate interpretation, high sensitivity can turn into anxiety and reassurance-seeking, which isn’t especially emotionally intelligent in practice."

I suppose it's the same with self awareness too. Without regulation, it can turn to over thinking and being anxious in how you come across

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By *earditallWoman
26 weeks ago

Lancaster


"Emotional Intelligence - You think about your words and actions (i.e. how they affect others) before initiating them. Empathy is the operative word.

Do you think that means only ever using words and actions that will be received in a positive way?

Not if you’ve ever heard of dark empaths."

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago


"I have a real life friend who I would say is probably an empath....and that's often quite draining to be around, so hopefully emotional intelligence encapsulates so much more than empathy

This is why empathy on its own isn’t a great measure for EI.

I've also got a RL friend like this.

Without self-regulation skills and accurate interpretation, high sensitivity can turn into anxiety and reassurance-seeking, which isn’t especially emotionally intelligent in practice.

I suppose it's the same with self awareness too. Without regulation, it can turn to over thinking and being anxious in how you come across"

Oh, I feel so seen 😆

That’s very true. Fortunately (for people like me), self-regulation and over-monitoring can be worked on. Gotta love therapy!

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By *rimal InstinctCouple
26 weeks ago

Carlisle


"What does it mean to you? Do you have it? And would other agree?"

To me it means having a reaction to something whatever it is ie joy, sadness, anger, peace etc.

However, if extreme, is causing discomfort for yourself, or if having an impact on others, being able to talk about it and deal with it.

Do I have it, both yes and no. Yes, I can recognize when I am one way or another, if I've hurt someone by being irritable for example I apologize. As I recognize my behavior wasn't acceptable, I also try and explain why ie 'Im just finding it overwhelming at the moment, I'm trying to take it all in, but I'm struggling. I'm shouldn't have snapped at you, I'm sorry.'

Also no, I'm seeing a therapist again as I'm trying to understand myself and why I have said reactions. At some things I'm clueless and don't even realize it's a thing.I have learnt I do need to be kinder to myself, doing it is the hard part though.

I don't know if people would agree as I think most people are concerned about themselves and their own lives. So it isn't even something to heyd think about. But those important to me and I them, I think they'd agree.

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By *ellhungvweMan
26 weeks ago

Cheltenham


"Emotional Intelligence - You think about your words and actions (i.e. how they affect others) before initiating them. Empathy is the operative word.

Do you think that means only ever using words and actions that will be received in a positive way?"

Empathy has nothing to do with “being nice” to people. It is about being able to understand what is driving them. What you do with that knowledge is a different thing. You want a counsellor to be able to understand why someone’s behaving a certain way but you wouldn’t want them to necessarily be “nice” to a psychopath or extreme narcissist. Same with a manager at work or a sports coach.

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

Its just another woke buzz word. If your a normal fully functioning adult then it should be part of anyone's persona.

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

For me it is situational adaptability

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By *esYesOMGYes!Man
26 weeks ago

Didsbury


"Its just another woke buzz word. If your a normal fully functioning adult then it should be part of anyone's persona. "

It’s partially innate but it’s also a skill which can be practiced and improved.

Calling anything woke is a thought terminating cliche.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
26 weeks ago

East Sussex

I honestly don't know what it means

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By (user no longer on site)
26 weeks ago

Empathy btw is one of the easiest emotions to fake, and narcissists and psychos routinely mirror other people's interests and feelings to appear empathetic.

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By *ammatraMan
26 weeks ago

Liverpool


"Emotional Intelligence - You think about your words and actions (i.e. how they affect others) before initiating them. Empathy is the operative word.

Do you think that means only ever using words and actions that will be received in a positive way?

Empathy has nothing to do with “being nice” to people. It is about being able to understand what is driving them. What you do with that knowledge is a different thing. You want a counsellor to be able to understand why someone’s behaving a certain way but you wouldn’t want them to necessarily be “nice” to a psychopath or extreme narcissist. Same with a manager at work or a sports coach. "

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