FabSwingers.com forum: The "you don't want kids?" question

By (user no longer on site) OP
27 weeks ago

Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?

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By *gincourt_againMan
27 weeks ago

in the shadows of a mountain

Absolutely. We’re “programmed” into believing that you should have them. The same way you “should” do this and “should” celebrate that, etc.

However, why? If you aren’t necessarily family inclined or have the financial ability to have a family then why?

With the way things are also, it is very selfish to expect the state to carry the burden. Selfish to have children you are not capable emotionally to raise. Selfish to bring people into this shit show of a country and world as well.

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By *hief_Of_AlwaysMan
27 weeks ago

1313 Mockingbird Lane…

True

People don’t have children for altruistic reasons. They don’t have them for the benefit of mankind. They do it for themselves.

And are most people even qualified to be parents?

Afterall, you need a license to catch a fish - But anyone can create a child

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
27 weeks ago

East Sussex

Are people selfish for following what for many is a biological imperitive or cultural expectation? I don't think so.

Even if their motives are selfish and I believe that is very rare they soon discover it's difficult to be selfish once they're born.

No kids, no pensions, no late night supermarket opening, no future.

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By (user no longer on site)
27 weeks ago

Biggest regret in life never having kids knowing I’m never going to have that experience of holding a baby or been responsible for another human being

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By *eedsmale36Man
27 weeks ago

Leeds

A kid is for life, not just for Christmas !

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By *inkywife1981Couple
27 weeks ago

A town near you

"Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?"

I cant speak for all women but for me and most women I know, having children came from a natural instinct, no other reason. Now im sure plenty of people have spefic reasons to not have kids.

Im sure most women like me get broody when you hold a friends baby

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
27 weeks ago

East Sussex

"A kid is for life, not just for Christmas ! "

Ain't that the truth.

My dad still worries about me and tells me off. I'm 69 years old, he's 98!

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By *ortyairCouple
27 weeks ago

Wallasey

"A kid is for life, not just for Christmas !

Ain't that the truth.

My dad still worries about me and tells me off. I'm 69 years old, he's 98!"
Thats a proper Dad you have there, it all comes from a place of love Mrs x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
27 weeks ago

East Sussex

"A kid is for life, not just for Christmas !

Ain't that the truth.

My dad still worries about me and tells me off. I'm 69 years old, he's 98!Thats a proper Dad you have there, it all comes from a place of love Mrs x"

Apparently I need to eat more and stop plucking my eyebrows

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By *inkywife1981Couple
27 weeks ago

A town near you

"A kid is for life, not just for Christmas !

Ain't that the truth.

My dad still worries about me and tells me off. I'm 69 years old, he's 98!Thats a proper Dad you have there, it all comes from a place of love Mrs x"

Tbh you worry more about them as and when they become adults, they think they are invincible but really more vulnerable than ever

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By (user no longer on site)
27 weeks ago

Depends on the circumstances I guess.

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By *tannersMan
27 weeks ago

stanley

For some people it’s not a choice.

Safest just to respect the fact that people can make their own choices.

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By *issilia AmoriWoman
27 weeks ago

North Welsh Borders

"Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?"

Not at all! I agree with you

Society has this warped idea that having kids means you've reached enlightenment

My son and his wife have been married for 3 years, financially stable living in a 3 bed house but they don't want kids, she can't have them anyway....People are just rude and thoughtless, she gets upset at the comments they make about when are they having kids? - Surely they will now they have everything - now, why not? What's wrong with you?

I've had comments made in front of my Son and Daughter in law of 'Oh I bet you'd love to be a Granma' - I always reply with - 'Actually no, I support them in whatever they choose to do'

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By (user no longer on site)
27 weeks ago

If I had to choose now I’d never bring kids into the shithole this country has become

I never wanted kids, first one was accident after being told she couldn’t get pregnant but having them was the best thing that ever happened to me they do change your mindset

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By *ayHaychMan
27 weeks ago

West Yorkshire

People should choose to do as they see best for their own life and circumstances.

Many of the arguments against having children come from first world perspective imho. Were these things ever discussed 100 years ago? Maybe they were I’m not sure.

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By *ick Weapon-XMan
27 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

For me, I ask the question, if I were a parent and one of my own asked me or questioned if they are gonna be happy, successful, find love and so forth, how could I look them in the eye and tell them a lie and say "Yes"? In this day and age, a lot of the good stuff that was promised is no longer there. I feel bad in the idea to bringing someone into this life with a stacked deck already against them.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
27 weeks ago

East Sussex

"People should choose to do as they see best for their own life and circumstances.

Many of the arguments against having children come from first world perspective imho. Were these things ever discussed 100 years ago? Maybe they were I’m not sure. "

Probably as it was not long after WW1.

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By *ick Weapon-XMan
27 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

One of the most powerful quotes I ever heard "Poverty is a disease you pass on to your offspring."

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By *ittlebirdWoman
27 weeks ago

The Big Smoke

"For some people it’s not a choice.

Safest just to respect the fact that people can make their own choices."

This 💯

I find it incredibly difficult when some people presume that I didn’t want kids because I don’t have them.

I also know I would’ve been a good mum so it’s not an easy question OP and sometimes isn’t a good thing to ask it IMO 😘

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By *gincourt_againMan
27 weeks ago

in the shadows of a mountain

I’ve had a relationship end because her biological clock was ticking and I couldn’t. The “I know I’ll be an amazing mum” line was used a lot.

Selfish is doing something that leaves others with no choice in future consequences.

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By *ayHaychMan
27 weeks ago

West Yorkshire

"People should choose to do as they see best for their own life and circumstances.

Many of the arguments against having children come from first world perspective imho. Were these things ever discussed 100 years ago? Maybe they were I’m not sure.

Probably as it was not long after WW1.

Sorry, what do you mean. What was not long after WW1?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
27 weeks ago

East Sussex

"People should choose to do as they see best for their own life and circumstances.

Many of the arguments against having children come from first world perspective imho. Were these things ever discussed 100 years ago? Maybe they were I’m not sure.

Probably as it was not long after WW1.

Sorry, what do you mean. What was not long after WW1?"

100 years ago was 7 years after world war one ended. I reckon people (who had the choice) were wondering if it was sensible to have children

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
27 weeks ago

BRIDPORT

"People should choose to do as they see best for their own life and circumstances.

Many of the arguments against having children come from first world perspective imho. Were these things ever discussed 100 years ago? Maybe they were I’m not sure.

Probably as it was not long after WW1.

Sorry, what do you mean. What was not long after WW1?

100 years ago was 7 years after world war one ended. I reckon people (who had the choice) were wondering if it was sensible to have children "

I believe there was an initial spike in births following the war, which soon receded with the ever worsening economic climate of the time.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
27 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I'm still waiting for a guy to ask me this when I'm on a meet

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By *oochie DeLiciousWoman
27 weeks ago

Wolvo

"For some people it’s not a choice.

Safest just to respect the fact that people can make their own choices."

Agreed!

Whats your opinion on it OP?

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By *007ManMan
27 weeks ago

Worthing

My nieces and nephews are enough. I've grown up with them and we are good friends. It can be tough going and I've seen couples break up once the children arrive.

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By *ydaz70Man
27 weeks ago

Rotherham /newquay

Everyone will be different it could be classed as selfish on both sides.i never wanted kids I enjoyed what I was doing but sacrificed it for my partner who wanted them in hindsight I should have stuck to my guns but have 3 lovely ones and 3 grandkids and I told them all enjoy life.

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By *acey_RedWoman
27 weeks ago

Liverpool

I think there's often too much judgement about people's decisions whether to have or not have children.

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By *abs9Man
27 weeks ago

driffield

It wasn’t a choice for us … just didn’t happen, we also took the choice of not finding out which one of us couldn’t which was a good idea. In real terms we’ve both had very good jobs & have travelled a lot & both retired in our early 50’s.

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By *tlanshiaWoman
27 weeks ago

Chatham

Neither is selfish.

If you want kids. Have kids.

If you don't want kids. Don't have kids.

Tis pretty simple..

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
27 weeks ago

BRIDPORT

"Neither is selfish.

If you want kids. Have kids.

If you don't want kids. Don't have kids.

Tis pretty simple.."

If only it were that simple, the choice to have children should be arrived at with far more scrutiny than simply because you want too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
27 weeks ago

[Removed by poster at 21/12/25 13:12:54]

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
27 weeks ago

Tamworth

"Neither is selfish.

If you want kids. Have kids.

If you don't want kids. Don't have kids.

Tis pretty simple.."

Totally agree with this.

It’s often implied that people who choose not to have kids are selfish for doing so.

I’d say everyone should have the freedom to choose the right path for them.

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By *eroLondonMan
27 weeks ago

Mayfair

Selfish in what way? I don't understand.

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By *e-OptimistMan
27 weeks ago

Stalybridge

"A kid is for life, not just for Christmas ! "

I'm still having a Turkey.

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By *orphia2003Woman
27 weeks ago

Tonypandy.

Don't have kids, never wanted kids, held dozens of babies and never felt broody, changed nappies, done bath time, feeds, dealt with tantrums, dispensed advice / sweets / plasters etc and still never wanted kids.

If I had 10p for every time I was told ' when you find the right man you'll change your mind'.

Actually, the right man would respect my decision and not expect me to change my mind. So fuck off and mind your own business.

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By *ampireLoveMan
27 weeks ago

Essex

If you think about it, everything you do is “selfish” as you are doing it ultimately for your own good or want. The key is who else benefits from the deeds that you do and what is your underlying intention for doing it.

Wow! That was way too deep and abstract for me! 😂

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By *oodmessMan
27 weeks ago

yumsville

Not really thought of it in those terms, and not really sure I've understood it as everyone has free will but it does make a stark title. I think if everyone decided not to have kids, in a generation there'd be a global problem so I suppose the world is lucky people are spitting them out

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
27 weeks ago

Coventry

"Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?"

No there is absolutely people out there that have no business having kids and those that can’t but should have

. Such is life

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By (user no longer on site)
27 weeks ago

"Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?"

I'd say from what I understand so far, making or not making offspring can be both selfish and not selfish.

It can be selfish in the sense that, if a partner is pressured and forced into it, because it's what you want to do, then it's selfish, but that's the first phase, you need to them raise them (if the birth goes well,) which can also be done either selfishly or selflessly, so that's also up to us.

Also, if a couple does not currently have access to all the life stuff necessary to raise them well, then no it's not selfish to not make any. Being a parent isn't something to go into lightly.

But inherently, I do not see making offspring as selfish at all. We have to put our attention and care onto them when raising them, and if cared for genuinely and properly, it can be done selflessly. So no, making offspring isn't selfish... or at least not selfish entirely.

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By *ayHaychMan
27 weeks ago

West Yorkshire

"If you think about it, everything you do is “selfish” as you are doing it ultimately for your own good or want. The key is who else benefits from the deeds that you do and what is your underlying intention for doing it.

Wow! That was way too deep and abstract for me! 😂"

This is what gets me about the “altruistic” argument against having kids. If everyone stopped having children today, would we be happy to let those in 70-80 years time die alone as their species becomes extinct? That also sounds selfish…

It’s not that I’m against people choosing to be child free. But I just can’t get on board with the usual arguments which get brought up (cruel world, over population, altruism, etc).

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By *elvet RopeMan
27 weeks ago

by the big field

People stopped asking when I was going to have kids as I started referring to having children as breeding parasites, just to get the shocked reaction from them, followed by the protestations- followed by me showing them the OED definition for a parasite as ‘a living organism (plant or animal) that lives on or in another, getting its food from that host’.

Kind of leaves them nowhere to go after that nugget

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By (user no longer on site)
27 weeks ago

I always said if i don't have kids by 30 then i don't want any as i didn't want to be an older parent.

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By *vonne5exMan
27 weeks ago

Doncaster

"Biggest regret in life never having kids knowing I’m never going to have that experience of holding a baby or been responsible for another human being "
missed out on true love and real heartache

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By *vonne5exMan
27 weeks ago

Doncaster

"I always said if i don't have kids by 30 then i don't want any as i didn't want to be an older parent."
I was 32 when my 1st was born, got 4 now and 5 grandkids, you see real love whenever you become ill, it's surprising how they rally to your side.

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By *urvyMilf4BlackMenWoman
27 weeks ago

Norwich

"Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?

I cant speak for all women but for me and most women I know, having children came from a natural instinct, no other reason. Now im sure plenty of people have spefic reasons to not have kids.

Im sure most women like me get broody when you hold a friends baby "

I don't get broody at all. I knew from a very young age that I didn't want to have children.

But dogs. Oh yes I love them 😍

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By *r Man45Man
27 weeks ago

North West

I chose at an early age i didnt want children, and with state of society today and the way things are going in world I dont regret my choice.

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By *evergiveupMan
27 weeks ago

derbyshire

I read recently that it costs a couple £250k to raise a child to be an adult

I've had 5 - !!!!!!!!!

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By *lossomTreeWoman
27 weeks ago

Ipswich

I always pictured myself as a mum, but turns out that's not possible. I've made my peace with it.

It's actually the lack of nieces/nephews that gives me the real sad feelings

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By *oodmessMan
27 weeks ago

yumsville

"I always pictured myself as a mum, but turns out that's not possible. I've made my peace with it.

It's actually the lack of nieces/nephews that gives me the real sad feelings

It's sad when you hear things like that but honestly ... If mine are anything to go by you are not missing out. Bar one or two, they are a bunch of dicks, only wanting money and birthday prezzies then you don't hear niff from them. I'd be a hard push to recognise them if I walked past them.

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
27 weeks ago

Hastings

"Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?"

No I did not have children as I was too selfish and decided. I would be a crap dad so did not become one at all as I was busy living my life. So at 27 had a vercectomy.

To be honest when I look round I don't regret my decision.

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
27 weeks ago

Hastings

"Am I wrong when I say that having kids is sometimes more selfish than not having kids?

Not at all! I agree with you

Society has this warped idea that having kids means you've reached enlightenment

I've had comments made in front of my Son and Daughter in law of 'Oh I bet you'd love to be a Granma' - I always reply with - 'Actually no, I support them in whatever they choose to do' "

Good for you well put it should be a choice at best. I feal for anyone that want a family and can't. 😞 but I hope thay stay strong.

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By *oubleswing2019Man
27 weeks ago

Colchester

I did the maths and in a pure branching model, after 1000 years the original couple of 2 partners and 2 children would have about 2.2 trillion cumulative descendants.

I decided not to pursue the idea.

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By *elaxed CoupleCouple
27 weeks ago

Cheshire

I hate kids.

I was one at some point & I was horrible. I don't want to perpetuate me. The world doesn't need that. Mrs RC is utterly lovely, but thankfully has no maternal instincts.

And I wouldn't want to put my artistic but unacceptable problems into a kid.

My family line ends with me. And it's a good thing. Until then, fuck it. I'm going to enjoy what's left. I have a thing for cars, guitars & women. I'm taking the family line out in style. 🤘

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By *tretch itMan
26 weeks ago

leek

I concur with the _elaxed couple...we set out at the begining of our relationship with the agreement neither would force children into the mix,and i think we are stronger for it....And we were debt free when i paid the morgage off at 42....no debt no stress holidays whenever we like,do what we want when we want....yeah that sounds selfish i know....but think of the load we,ve taken off the nhs,the schools,and above all the planet....there,s enough of us ffs,stop breeding otherwise we won,t have a world for your spawn to live on.

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