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"Best advice I got discuss Punishments and limits. Talk about where its safe to be in scene. I.e. if she starts bratti g in public what is safe way to discipline before getting g back to privacy. Also make sure you get a safe word set... its a obvious thing but gets overlooked so much" Thanks, that's a big one, where to play. I downloaded the "obedience" app, and I think have one place for general conversation, and another for play based conversations will help. We've done the safe word bit, and agreed it's only behind closed doors atm. | |||
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"Urgh Brats 🤣🤣😈" Yeah, I found the idea a bit silly but then looking into it further, I think it's actually perfect for keeping play interesting. | |||
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"And no both of you should be setting the rules not just the sub " I prefer to let the submissive set the boundaries as bar pain, I'm pretty much without boundaries hahaha But I know what you mean, if I don't like something I'll say, and I try to offer rules, to help get the ball rolling. | |||
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"My advice would be think about what you can do for her realistically , she has needs, are you a patient & resilient person, do you find it easy to take control of situations without being abusive or losing your cool ? Can you be strict and administer punishments when lines are crossed but still maintain trust and respect? Bratty subs can be a huge amount of pleasure and fun can also be extremely demanding challenging and sometimes a total mind fuck. She has needs, start there." Thanks. That's the way I've tried to approach it, by having her provide clarity and what she wants from this and why, and that's kind of how we got from standard sub and dom play to brat. Without the clear lines, it is very confusing to start with haha. | |||
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"Shock her in what way? Be really knowledgeable about something, dazzle her with your aftercare abilities? As you can tell I don't get the shock thing. " Exactly, yeah, show her I've been studying so to speak, that I'm trying to engage with what she wants, and learn what she likes. Shock might be the wrong word really haha | |||
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"My advice would be think about what you can do for her realistically , she has needs, are you a patient & resilient person, do you find it easy to take control of situations without being abusive or losing your cool ? Can you be strict and administer punishments when lines are crossed but still maintain trust and respect? Bratty subs can be a huge amount of pleasure and fun can also be extremely demanding challenging and sometimes a total mind fuck. She has needs, start there. Thanks. That's the way I've tried to approach it, by having her provide clarity and what she wants from this and why, and that's kind of how we got from standard sub and dom play to brat. Without the clear lines, it is very confusing to start with haha. " Well, understanding her needs is very different from her telling you what to do, especially if you are going to be the dominant one and provide the leadership/mentoring in the dynamic! She could end up getting frustrated with you  | |||
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"Shock her in what way? Be really knowledgeable about something, dazzle her with your aftercare abilities? As you can tell I don't get the shock thing. Exactly, yeah, show her I've been studying so to speak, that I'm trying to engage with what she wants, and learn what she likes. Shock might be the wrong word really haha" Ha, yeah I think shock is definitely the wrong word. Speaking from the point of view of someone who can be bratty when that dynamic is there naturally... Talk to her. There's no one thing that works across the board for every person. Brat A might relish something that has Brat B thinking "fuck no". Playful is important - if you can't do that and real irritation etc comes out, maybe a brat isn't for you. I think it's really lovely you're actively taking steps to learn about it and her. x | |||
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"Brat taming is a specific skill and separate from regular dominance. I’ve found that punishments for brats that work are removal of sexual privileges, loss of orgasm privileges, having to count rice, sitting in the corner, having to write a list of ten things they like about themselves…" This is why I think clear punishments are critical to any play. "Ultimately a brat wants to rebel and test the Dom’s control before submitting" That's what we have essentially, to earn that submission, and yeah I think I'm going to struggle hahaha. But it should be fun regardless, if it doesn't workout, it should result in some amusing memories | |||
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"Shock her in what way? Be really knowledgeable about something, dazzle her with your aftercare abilities? As you can tell I don't get the shock thing. Exactly, yeah, show her I've been studying so to speak, that I'm trying to engage with what she wants, and learn what she likes. Shock might be the wrong word really haha Ha, yeah I think shock is definitely the wrong word. Speaking from the point of view of someone who can be bratty when that dynamic is there naturally... Talk to her. There's no one thing that works across the board for every person. Brat A might relish something that has Brat B thinking "fuck no". Playful is important - if you can't do that and real irritation etc comes out, maybe a brat isn't for you. I think it's really lovely you're actively taking steps to learn about it and her. x" Thank you, communication is really good with it. I've tried moving "play" conversations to an entirely separate app that we use for general conversation. Do you think that is a good idea? I don't think she will irritate me, not at all, I wouldn't say I'm an experienced Dom or anything of the sort but I'm confident enough to know it's play and keep up with the energy. If we hit a wall, I will use it as an opportunity to talk and try to understand what she would like next if you know what I mean. I've no doubt we'll hit that wall many times at first but each time will be a learning experience for us both. | |||
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"My advice would be think about what you can do for her realistically , she has needs, are you a patient & resilient person, do you find it easy to take control of situations without being abusive or losing your cool ? Can you be strict and administer punishments when lines are crossed but still maintain trust and respect? Bratty subs can be a huge amount of pleasure and fun can also be extremely demanding challenging and sometimes a total mind fuck. She has needs, start there. Thanks. That's the way I've tried to approach it, by having her provide clarity and what she wants from this and why, and that's kind of how we got from standard sub and dom play to brat. Without the clear lines, it is very confusing to start with haha. Well, understanding her needs is very different from her telling you what to do, especially if you are going to be the dominant one and provide the leadership/mentoring in the dynamic! She could end up getting frustrated with you "I don't mean telling me what to do in the moment, during play. I mean before play. The same as any d&s relationship, every time I've played it's about getting in the subs head, and I can't really do that during play, so I try before play, try to get her to give me some scenarios she enjoys, words she likes, names she likes, etc. I'm not a good enough Dom to just fly in their and take control without understanding first, I don't have that level of confidence hahaha If I'm not for her so be it but I'm pretty confident I am | |||
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"Urgh Brats 🤣🤣😈 Yeah, I found the idea a bit silly but then looking into it further, I think it's actually perfect for keeping play interesting." It is, and brat taming can be fun - something I’d have never said a year ago. But…. It depends on the brat and the motivation behind it. Doing it just to be difficult? Nah that’s going to turn me right off. Doing it because it’s playful and fun to push a few buttons? Yeah I love it. | |||
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"Urgh Brats 🤣🤣😈 Yeah, I found the idea a bit silly but then looking into it further, I think it's actually perfect for keeping play interesting. It is, and brat taming can be fun - something I’d have never said a year ago. But…. It depends on the brat and the motivation behind it. Doing it just to be difficult? Nah that’s going to turn me right off. Doing it because it’s playful and fun to push a few buttons? Yeah I love it. " Exactly, it has potential to add a little "grr" to the experience so to speak hahaha | |||
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"As someone who is often called a brat, have a conversation with her. Every person and their desires/needs/limits are unique. What works for one brat, won't work for another. I agree with the sentiment that restrictions, denial and tedious tasks are good starting points for "punishment". I can be a stubborn little bitch and will push myself to deal with pain and impact, just to wind up the Dominant because I like feeling their control and I want them to bare their teeth. That's "funishment". Being denied pleasure, being made to wait, anything tedious and boring will break me much quicker. Being made to stand in a corner and ignored, being tied to the furniture and ignored, being denied their touch when I really want it, being denied orgasms, being edged, being made to do menial tasks. That is more punishment than funishment for me. I still find it hard to keep my fucking mouth shut and stop smiling though. " This is great, thank you for taking the time to put this together. Tedious punishment is a really good suggestion. I've been looking for non sexual related punishment, no spa king, not making her do things for me blah blah, to focus on pleasure denial. I'm going to speak with her about punishment during play, etc, figure out what will frustrate the most  | |||
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"Interesting thread op. L plates on here. " Tbh, I'm not super experienced at all but I feel with each person I've ever played with, it requires a lot of communication and what worked previously has absolutely zero baring on the next partner hahaha. Each time is like starting again, except I've got some gear to start hahahaha | |||
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"A subbie being a brat (AKA topping from the bottom) is a routine part of D/s in the early days of a relationship. She is questioning your ability and worthiness to dominate her and she is correct to do so. If you are both just using D/s play as a bit of lightweight fun to spice up vanilla sex then don't worry about it, because it doesn't really matter. If you both want to explore D/s in more depth then you need to have a conversation where you come to a proper consensual agreement where limits and safety are discussed in such depth and with such honesty that you can both trust each other in your chosen roles. Once that framework is agreed you must both hold to it or everything collapses because of lack of trust and respect. When you get to this point you are in control - that's what being a Dominant is about. But this doesn't mean you stop having conversations outside of play. D/s relationships can become extremely deep and rewarding and this requires both partners to engage with each other's minds in ways that you rarely get in vanilla relationships. " Thank you, I agree with everything you say. Would it be possible to message you privately with some questions? | |||
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"Thank you, I agree with everything you say. Would it be possible to message you privately with some questions?" Sure. | |||
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"Thank you, communication is really good with it. I've tried moving "play" conversations to an entirely separate app that we use for general conversation. Do you think that is a good idea? I don't think she will irritate me, not at all, I wouldn't say I'm an experienced Dom or anything of the sort but I'm confident enough to know it's play and keep up with the energy. If we hit a wall, I will use it as an opportunity to talk and try to understand what she would like next if you know what I mean. I've no doubt we'll hit that wall many times at first but each time will be a learning experience for us both. " I think it's a brilliant idea. My favourite people (best experiences) I've met thanks to this glorious app - we had/have one chat that's for the general day to day and another that's for the raunchier. If she's open to it, go for it. We've also always had a very open and honest way of talking - it builds that trust which is key to it all. In terms of punishment/funishment... I know people who actively detest the idea of funishments. Certain things might be active nos. Treating her as an individual is key. I actively disagree with the idea that bratty/bratting is a starting point/early days thing. It's how some people are, a dynamic they enjoy regardless of how long they've been engaged in it. How you're going about it, saying you're not experienced and actively trying to find out more, it's all a joy to read. I hope you continue enjoying the charming frustrations of bratting. | |||
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"Thank you, I agree with everything you say. Would it be possible to message you privately with some questions? Sure." I'm blocked, but I think if you message me I can reply mate. | |||
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"I actively disagree with the idea that bratty/bratting is a starting point/early days thing. It's how some people are, a dynamic they enjoy regardless of how long they've been engaged in it." Everyone is an individual and if a couple are happy with bratting behaviour as a long-term aspect of their relationship then super. I don't think "my way" is the only way. But in my experience it's always been an early phase that only lasted for about a month maximum. | |||
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"I think it's a brilliant idea. My favourite people (best experiences) I've met thanks to this glorious app - we had/have one chat that's for the general day to day and another that's for the raunchier. If she's open to it, go for it. We've also always had a very open and honest way of talking - it builds that trust which is key to it all." This is great, thank you. I'm trying also to have as much conversation face to face about this, to try and build the tension in person
"In terms of punishment/funishment... I know people who actively detest the idea of funishments." May I ask could you share some potentially punishment ideas? I agree these are individual but if I can come to the table with some ideas, and she can choose/mod them to her needs, I feel that might be the best option. I've found she knows what she doesn't like, but not what she does like, or she isn't particularly forthcoming haha, which is I guess a part of the dynamic. "I actively disagree with the idea that bratty/bratting is a starting point/early days thing. It's how some people are, a dynamic they enjoy regardless of how long they've been engaged in it." From reading that is what I gather, some see brat tamers as a process, then after it that brat is tamed. But from reading for many that isn't the case. I get the feeling she is untamable, other than maybe for a 30 minutes spell hahaha. "How you're going about it, saying you're not experienced and actively trying to find out more, it's all a joy to read. I hope you continue enjoying the charming frustrations of bratting." Thanks, that's really kind of you to say. | |||
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"As someone who is often called a brat, have a conversation with her. Every person and their desires/needs/limits are unique. What works for one brat, won't work for another. I agree with the sentiment that restrictions, denial and tedious tasks are good starting points for "punishment". I can be a stubborn little bitch and will push myself to deal with pain and impact, just to wind up the Dominant because I like feeling their control and I want them to bare their teeth. That's "funishment". Being denied pleasure, being made to wait, anything tedious and boring will break me much quicker. Being made to stand in a corner and ignored, being tied to the furniture and ignored, being denied their touch when I really want it, being denied orgasms, being edged, being made to do menial tasks. That is more punishment than funishment for me. I still find it hard to keep my fucking mouth shut and stop smiling though. " Daddy Issues? | |||
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"As someone who is often called a brat, have a conversation with her. Every person and their desires/needs/limits are unique. What works for one brat, won't work for another. I agree with the sentiment that restrictions, denial and tedious tasks are good starting points for "punishment". I can be a stubborn little bitch and will push myself to deal with pain and impact, just to wind up the Dominant because I like feeling their control and I want them to bare their teeth. That's "funishment". Being denied pleasure, being made to wait, anything tedious and boring will break me much quicker. Being made to stand in a corner and ignored, being tied to the furniture and ignored, being denied their touch when I really want it, being denied orgasms, being edged, being made to do menial tasks. That is more punishment than funishment for me. I still find it hard to keep my fucking mouth shut and stop smiling though. Daddy Issues? " Such an astute and insightful observation. | |||
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"As someone who is often called a brat, have a conversation with her. Every person and their desires/needs/limits are unique. What works for one brat, won't work for another. I agree with the sentiment that restrictions, denial and tedious tasks are good starting points for "punishment". I can be a stubborn little bitch and will push myself to deal with pain and impact, just to wind up the Dominant because I like feeling their control and I want them to bare their teeth. That's "funishment". Being denied pleasure, being made to wait, anything tedious and boring will break me much quicker. Being made to stand in a corner and ignored, being tied to the furniture and ignored, being denied their touch when I really want it, being denied orgasms, being edged, being made to do menial tasks. That is more punishment than funishment for me. I still find it hard to keep my fucking mouth shut and stop smiling though. Daddy Issues? Such an astute and insightful observation. " lol | |||
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"What a wonderful and exciting journey you are on OP, and that's the best part of it; it's your journey... some of the advice above may work for you, some may not, but that's the joy of the journey... One thing I can promise you though, when the lightbulb goes off and you find that one thing (or 'things' if you're lucky!) that can turn your brat from all guns blazing push-back, to questioning their life decisions, there's no feeling like it ...but let it not be said, they're still more fun when they can't keep their fucking mouth shut and stop smiling though. "Who doesn't enjoy a bit mind fuck game of chess to pass the day | |||
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" We are generally exhausting, annoying and frustrating but deep down we are pussy cats. " Are you sure you don't know her?!? lol Thank you, your comment was very helpful. | |||
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"What a wonderful and exciting journey you are on OP, and that's the best part of it; it's your journey... some of the advice above may work for you, some may not, but that's the joy of the journey... One thing I can promise you though, when the lightbulb goes off and you find that one thing (or 'things' if you're lucky!) that can turn your brat from all guns blazing push-back, to questioning their life decisions, there's no feeling like it ...but let it not be said, they're still more fun when they can't keep their fucking mouth shut and stop smiling though. "Cheers mate, I really appreciate the positive vibes people are giving, it's lovely! | |||
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"We are generally exhausting, annoying and frustrating but deep down we are pussy cats. " I definitely like treats, but will scratch if you piss me off | |||
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"I actively disagree with the idea that bratty/bratting is a starting point/early days thing. It's how some people are, a dynamic they enjoy regardless of how long they've been engaged in it. Everyone is an individual and if a couple are happy with bratting behaviour as a long-term aspect of their relationship then super. I don't think "my way" is the only way. But in my experience it's always been an early phase that only lasted for about a month maximum." 
Last thing I l’d ever attempt to do is break someone’s personality , sounds horrific like those relationships where you are just slowly worn down and give up & end up becoming a completely a different person.
Embrace the brat or get out of there, you will grow in the process too | |||
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"We are generally exhausting, annoying and frustrating but deep down we are pussy cats. I definitely like treats, but will scratch if you piss me off " | |||
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"We are generally exhausting, annoying and frustrating but deep down we are pussy cats. I definitely like treats, but will scratch if you piss me off "lol | |||
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"Last thing I l’d ever attempt to do is break someone’s personality , sounds horrific like those relationships where you are just slowly worn down and give up & end up becoming a completely a different person. Embrace the brat or get out of there, you will grow in the process too" I think you might have misunderstood what I was trying to say. It's not about breaking someone's personality, but about a proving oneself worthy against a difficult but reasonable test and passing the standard being set by the submissive. Some D/s couples may enjoy bratting so much that they see it as integral to their relationship and that's super. But for other D/s couples bratting isn't part of their relationship and that is fine too. | |||
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"My D/s advice. Stick to vanilla if you don't know what your doing " Everybody has to start somewhere, or do people just arrive fully formed out of the womb with an innate knowledge of BDSM?  | |||
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"My D/s advice. Stick to vanilla if you don't know what your doing Everybody has to start somewhere, or do people just arrive fully formed out of the womb with an innate knowledge of BDSM? "I agree but not many learn how to swim by jumping in at the deep end. Those who do are only affecting themselves. | |||
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"My D/s advice. Stick to vanilla if you don't know what your doing Everybody has to start somewhere, or do people just arrive fully formed out of the womb with an innate knowledge of BDSM? I agree but not many learn how to swim by jumping in at the deep end. Those who do are only affecting themselves. "Or maybe two inexperienced people can take it slowly and learn/discover together? 🤷🏻♀️ | |||
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"I agree but not many learn how to swim by jumping in at the deep end. Those who do are only affecting themselves." The OP already has some experience, has a good positive attitude and is looking for some advice. He's not throwing his partner in the deep end to see if she can swim. | |||
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"And no both of you should be setting the rules not just the sub I prefer to let the submissive set the boundaries as bar pain, I'm pretty much without boundaries hahaha But I know what you mean, if I don't like something I'll say, and I try to offer rules, to help get the ball rolling. " m The fact you say you’re “pretty much without boundaries” is extremely worrying. Rules and boundaries should be established beforehand not while engaging in a dynamic. | |||
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"One thing I have found is that all the submissive women I've been lucky enough to get to know are never submissive in their regular life. Quite the opposite!" I totally agree, i am submissive with the right person but in my personal life i am totally the opposite (mainly because of my job). I am also very bratty at the beginning, until it's the right time for me to submit.  | |||
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"Interesting thread op. L plates on here. Tbh, I'm not super experienced at all but I feel with each person I've ever played with, it requires a lot of communication and what worked previously has absolutely zero baring on the next partner hahaha. Each time is like starting again, except I've got some gear to start hahahaha" Well now you mention it I've got a bag full of gear that had barely been used if anyone can make use of it! | |||
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"I totally agree, i am submissive with the right person but in my personal life i am totally the opposite (mainly because of my job). I am also very bratty at the beginning, until it's the right time for me to submit." It does seem to be almost a defining characteristic of submissives that they are not at all submissive in their regular life. I'd go so far as to say I would only enter into a D/s relationship with a woman who was clearly a strong, feisty and self-confident person. Someone without these qualities might be too fragile or lacking in self-awarenesss to engage in what can be a very intense psychological adventure. | |||
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"I totally agree, i am submissive with the right person but in my personal life i am totally the opposite (mainly because of my job). I am also very bratty at the beginning, until it's the right time for me to submit. It does seem to be almost a defining characteristic of submissives that they are not at all submissive in their regular life. I'd go so far as to say I would only enter into a D/s relationship with a woman who was clearly a strong, feisty and self-confident person. Someone without these qualities might be too fragile or lacking in self-awarenesss to engage in what can be a very intense psychological adventure." Do you think the opposite is true? Are sexually dominant people often lacking in self-awareness and confidence in the real world? | |||
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"Do you think the opposite is true? Are sexually dominant people often lacking in self-awareness and confidence in the real world?" An interesting question. I've found that the most common characteristics of Dominants are politeness and calmness. Speaking personally, it was quite difficult coming to terms with being a Dom. I'm an old git so I didn't even know BDSM was a thing when I started out. I had no guidance or sense of community and my partner and I just kind of made it up as we went along. There was a long period of guilty feelings. Why did I get turned on by being dominant? Was it ethical? How did my partner really feel? It took a long time to realise that we both just enjoyed the dynamic and everything was fine even if it wasn't "normal". | |||
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"I agree but not many learn how to swim by jumping in at the deep end. Those who do are only affecting themselves. The OP already has some experience, has a good positive attitude and is looking for some advice. He's not throwing his partner in the deep end to see if she can swim." no he said he had little experience. Also I wasn't saying he was throwing his partner in the deep end I said he's throwing himself in the deep end which when he also claims he has no boundaries is worrying when talking about a brat that may push these limitless boundaries. This whole thread smacks of someone who claims to be Dominant when in fact they are inexperienced because they think it will get them a free use fuck toy | |||
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"no he said he had little experience." Some experience and a little experience are basically the same thing, aren't they? It's just that the OP was using modest rather than boastful language. "Also I wasn't saying he was throwing his partner in the deep end I said he's throwing himself in the deep end" When you said... "I agree but not many learn how to swim by jumping in at the deep end. Those who do are only affecting themselves." ...I took it to imply that someone jumping in the deep end of being a Dom wasn't the same as someone learning to swim by jumping in the deep end of the pool because In the case of a Dom the risk is often principally to the submissive not the Dom. "which when he also claims he has no boundaries is worrying when talking about a brat that may push these limitless boundaries." I think this is stretching what the OP said in an attempt to make him sound unhinged and dangerous. In response to another poster saying "And no both of you should be setting the rules not just the sub" he said... "I prefer to let the submissive set the boundaries as bar pain, I'm pretty much without boundaries hahaha" He is explicitly saying that he prefers to let the submissive set the SM boundaries. I took this to mean he is deferring to his submissive in these matters because he knows he lacks the experience to set parameters. Not uncommon with novice Doms. He's just being honest enough to say he lacks the wisdom to judge and is laughing at himself. "This whole thread smacks of someone who claims to be Dominant when in fact they are inexperienced because they think it will get them a free use fuck toy" I could be completely wrong and this guy might be a psychopath but I think you are probably reading this whole thread in an overly negative way. Also some people really enjoy being used as fuck toys so you are coming across as being a bit one dimensional. I'm sure your intentions are good but I've seen this kind of discussion many times before and they tend to leave novice Doms feeling under seige when what they really need is some friendly advice about how to be a loving and responsible partner in an exciting and much misunderstood dynamic. | |||
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"Do you think the opposite is true? Are sexually dominant people often lacking in self-awareness and confidence in the real world? An interesting question. I've found that the most common characteristics of Dominants are politeness and calmness. Speaking personally, it was quite difficult coming to terms with being a Dom. I'm an old git so I didn't even know BDSM was a thing when I started out. I had no guidance or sense of community and my partner and I just kind of made it up as we went along. There was a long period of guilty feelings. Why did I get turned on by being dominant? Was it ethical? How did my partner really feel? It took a long time to realise that we both just enjoyed the dynamic and everything was fine even if it wasn't "normal"." Im not a Dom but I’ve always had a preference for being dominant sexually and in most of the areas of life. Never felt guilty but didn’t understand it for a long time. Why I enjoyed tying up partners & making them submit to me. Calm….The amount of times I’ve been referred to as unflappable & good in a crisis in my career! 😂 I was also driving to Manchester the other day with a friend and we were deep in conversation. I was making a right mess of a big roundabout & lane changing and this idiot was beeping his horn and then pulling up alongside turning purple and flapping his arms & I was carrying on a conversation with my friend and she said is that not bothering you and I said no it’s not really registering let’s just carry on with the conversation and ignore it & it will go away. Politeness I can choose to be when it makes sense, I know how to do it….. I agree with you naturally dominant women make great submissive because they tend to know what they want & how to get it but I would not imagine that naturally submissive people make great dominants | |||
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"Pray lol " 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 | |||
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" I'm sure your intentions are good but I've seen this kind of discussion many times before and they tend to leave novice Doms feeling under seige… " The BDSM police usually turn up and tell them to go to their local Harry Potter group, a.k.a. the munch | |||
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"The BDSM police usually turn up and tell them to go to their local Harry Potter group, a.k.a. the munch" ROFL, that is so true. | |||
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"I think it's a brilliant idea. My favourite people (best experiences) I've met thanks to this glorious app - we had/have one chat that's for the general day to day and another that's for the raunchier. If she's open to it, go for it. We've also always had a very open and honest way of talking - it builds that trust which is key to it all. This is great, thank you. I'm trying also to have as much conversation face to face about this, to try and build the tension in person "Oh definitely. Face to face it's far easier to read how someone really feels about something. The things they really enjoy or those they don't. "May I ask could you share some potentially punishment ideas? " Erm, no. It's a tad too personal. I'd rather keep things a little private, just between us, even on a sex site. 😁 "I actively disagree with the idea that bratty/bratting is a starting point/early days thing. It's how some people are, a dynamic they enjoy regardless of how long they've been engaged in it. From reading that is what I gather, some see brat tamers as a process, then after it that brat is tamed. But from reading for many that isn't the case. I get the feeling she is untamable, other than maybe for a 30 minutes spell hahaha." Oh definitely. There are so many different ways it can be viewed, explored and enjoyed. Brat tamers actively enjoy taming brats and they work best with brats who can/want to be "tamed". For some people brattiness is part of them and not just an initial thing. I don't think I could ever be "tamed". I also don't want to be. Have you discussed aftercare and that kind of thing? It's one of the more divisive topics - for some they have no interest in it, for others it's a big thing. If you're going to engage in things with intensity, it's good to know how you both view after. | |||
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"Have you discussed aftercare and that kind of thing? It's one of the more divisive topics - for some they have no interest in it, for others it's a big thing. If you're going to engage in things with intensity, it's good to know how you both view after." It's difficult to understand why anyone into BDSM would not value aftercare. It's so fundamental to a lasting relationship. It's hard to express how wonderfully romantic it can be. | |||
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"Have you discussed aftercare and that kind of thing? It's one of the more divisive topics - for some they have no interest in it, for others it's a big thing. If you're going to engage in things with intensity, it's good to know how you both view after. It's difficult to understand why anyone into BDSM would not value aftercare. It's so fundamental to a lasting relationship. It's hard to express how wonderfully romantic it can be." Because some people genuinely don't see any need for it. They see it as the other person being "needy". Also, how aftercare looks varies so much - for one it might be cuddles and a bit of a chat for half hour after. For another it might be drink, a blanket, space for a little bit. People who understand drops are wonderful. I think there's sometimes a pressure for people to say things because that's the right answer isn't it? Like if most people like aftercare, you're not going to own it and say actually it's not for me, it's for needy people.
There's a discussion above about calmness being a thing for a dominant. I don't think anyone is always calm. Not when they're unhappy. Look at forum threads, posts. They're full of anger, emotion, all of that.
I have met people who'd say they're dominant. And they're flawed and human and that's okay. You don't need to be perfect to enjoy things. And if things don't go to plan, you're still learning. 🩷 | |||
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"As someone who is often called a brat, have a conversation with her. Every person and their desires/needs/limits are unique. What works for one brat, won't work for another. I agree with the sentiment that restrictions, denial and tedious tasks are good starting points for "punishment". I can be a stubborn little bitch and will push myself to deal with pain and impact, just to wind up the Dominant because I like feeling their control and I want them to bare their teeth. That's "funishment". Being denied pleasure, being made to wait, anything tedious and boring will break me much quicker. Being made to stand in a corner and ignored, being tied to the furniture and ignored, being denied their touch when I really want it, being denied orgasms, being edged, being made to do menial tasks. That is more punishment than funishment for me. I still find it hard to keep my fucking mouth shut and stop smiling though. " i giggled and smiled at all of this... Not that I would ever do any of this myself.. I wanted to add that yes to " punish" a brat denying them what they want tends to work best. We seem to attract brats... Cali x | |||
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"BDSM police ??? Well that totally explains both of your views on safety and consensual kink." I think you missed the joke. My views are RACK/ SSC | |||
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"A brat will push boundaries to elicit a response, speaking from experience, you need to be a bigger brat. Pushing back is natural for a brat, controlling them takes time, patience and learning, if you threaten to remove a privilege, do it, they may push boundaries to receive physical punishment, sexual activities, learn how to recognise the clues and deal with them. Once you understand the mind of a brat, you can have so much fun with them." Thanks for this, think I'm going to struggle hahaha | |||
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"Brat 4 life" Smack that assss. | |||
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"It's exactly what I'm saying. Are you saying it's OK for there to be consequences to a submissive because of the actions of an inexperienced Dom? Oh yeah because submissiveness feelings and safety don't count right? What utter bullshit that sounds more like abuse to me. I think he should look up SSC and RACK before thinking about 'punishments '" Posting wild comments that are effectively accusing total strangers of being abusers isn't a great look. | |||
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"We have a novice BDSM query once again going awry. My own view is people on both sides of the slash educate themselves before starting. There are many good resources online and in the media. However, pre-education is a lost cause aa people just jump in. People's responses to queries can appear to be very dismissive and aggressive against novice comments. This is because the respondent are fully aware of submissives who have been physically and psychologically damaged by dominants that were inexperienced, callous or ignorant. Therefore the responses are coming from a position of protection of submissives. However, I take the view that people are switched off from learning if they get swatted down for saying the wrong thing. In terms of brats I would offer an alternative view, which only a few have touched on. That is, not all brats are the same. Personally, I have nothing to do with brats except one type no 4 below. People categorise brats differently, I use 6 categories. 1. Dominant personalities that call themselves submissives but actually want control of the dynamic and will oppose submission. 2. Primal brats, people who need to be mastered (in their individual way) to be able to submit, the Dominant needs to earn their submission. 3. Pushing the button brats, these do extreme things as they want a reaction, it may be punishment or being noticed. Their actions are not nice and can be unpleasant, and challenging to Dominance. They think they fall into type 4. 4 Cheeky Chappy brats. They like to go up to the limit and dance on the line. What they do is annoying but humorous. They don't challenge dominance but may tickle it. An example, from Fab of the difference between 3 and 4. Was a submissive that admitted to replacing their Dominant's after workout drink with vinegar. When I told my mildly brat sub the story, her view was vinegar no, but water yes. There are also behaviours called bratting but are not. 5. Failure to carry out instructions due to a lack of attention or disrespect from the Dominant. 6. Submissives giving constructive feedback to the Dominant which is not accepted due to the Dominant's ego, or inexperience. Labeling a person a brat is not enough. The Dominant needs to understand the type of brat or cause of bratting before thinking of punishments. One point on punishments. My view is punishments should be agreed by both before the dynamic/relationship starts. Not tacked on afterwards. " Thank you this is great. I'm trying to figure out if she's a 1 or a 4 🤣😂 | |||
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"It's exactly what I'm saying. Are you saying it's OK for there to be consequences to a submissive because of the actions of an inexperienced Dom? Oh yeah because submissiveness feelings and safety don't count right? What utter bullshit that sounds more like abuse to me. I think he should look up SSC and RACK before thinking about 'punishments ' Posting wild comments that are effectively accusing total strangers of being abusers isn't a great look." Someone should definitely call the BDSM police. I find that people bang on about looking up SSC & RACK rack don’t actually know what they are talking about And I just pretending to be clever. I mean when you are a beginner SSC it’s pretty critical, but as you get more experienced you realise that actually RACK is more applicable, unless you are literally tickling someone’s arse with a flogger whilst watching Fifty Shades of beige , SSC is like a bit of a BDSM for dummies. I find it hard to believe that any sane person has reached adulthood and entered into this lifestyle without already knowing what SSC is all about. | |||
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"It's exactly what I'm saying. Are you saying it's OK for there to be consequences to a submissive because of the actions of an inexperienced Dom? Oh yeah because submissiveness feelings and safety don't count right? What utter bullshit that sounds more like abuse to me. I think he should look up SSC and RACK before thinking about 'punishments ' Posting wild comments that are effectively accusing total strangers of being abusers isn't a great look. Someone should definitely call the BDSM police. I find that people bang on about looking up SSC & RACK rack don’t actually know what they are talking about And I just pretending to be clever. I mean when you are a beginner SSC it’s pretty critical, but as you get more experienced you realise that actually RACK is more applicable, unless you are literally tickling someone’s arse with a flogger whilst watching Fifty Shades of beige , SSC is like a bit of a BDSM for dummies. I find it hard to believe that any sane person has reached adulthood and entered into this lifestyle without already knowing what SSC is all about. " People bang about these various types of risk and conent models (and there other risk and consent models) because they know people who have been physically and psychologically damaged by people not being risk or consent aware, or the person damaged did not know about risk or consent. People enter into the scene unaware and uneducated and remain so. | |||
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"It's exactly what I'm saying. Are you saying it's OK for there to be consequences to a submissive because of the actions of an inexperienced Dom? Oh yeah because submissiveness feelings and safety don't count right? What utter bullshit that sounds more like abuse to me. I think he should look up SSC and RACK before thinking about 'punishments ' Posting wild comments that are effectively accusing total strangers of being abusers isn't a great look." well your the one that's posting dodgy shit. And trying to call out the the gate keepers of safe kink. But then again new inexperienced 'so called doms ' ( and yes I addressed you with a a lowercase d instead of an uppercase D. If you knew anything about BDSM. Then you would understand what I just posted | |||
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"We have a novice BDSM query once again going awry. My own view is people on both sides of the slash educate themselves before starting. There are many good resources online and in the media. However, pre-education is a lost cause aa people just jump in.💯 People's responses to queries can appear to be very dismissive and aggressive against novice comments. This is because the respondent are fully aware of submissives who have been physically and psychologically damaged by dominants that were inexperienced, callous or ignorant. Therefore the responses are coming from a position of protection of submissives. However, I take the view that people are switched off from learning if they get swatted down for saying the wrong thing. In terms of brats I would offer an alternative view, which only a few have touched on. That is, not all brats are the same. Personally, I have nothing to do with brats except one type no 4 below. People categorise brats differently, I use 6 categories. 1. Dominant personalities that call themselves submissives but actually want control of the dynamic and will oppose submission. 2. Primal brats, people who need to be mastered (in their individual way) to be able to submit, the Dominant needs to earn their submission. 3. Pushing the button brats, these do extreme things as they want a reaction, it may be punishment or being noticed. Their actions are not nice and can be unpleasant, and challenging to Dominance. They think they fall into type 4. 4 Cheeky Chappy brats. They like to go up to the limit and dance on the line. What they do is annoying but humorous. They don't challenge dominance but may tickle it. An example, from Fab of the difference between 3 and 4. Was a submissive that admitted to replacing their Dominant's after workout drink with vinegar. When I told my mildly brat sub the story, her view was vinegar no, but water yes. There are also behaviours called bratting but are not. 5. Failure to carry out instructions due to a lack of attention or disrespect from the Dominant. 6. Submissives giving constructive feedback to the Dominant which is not accepted due to the Dominant's ego, or inexperience. Labeling a person a brat is not enough. The Dominant needs to understand the type of brat or cause of bratting before thinking of punishments. One point on punishments. My view is punishments should be agreed by both before the dynamic/relationship starts. Not tacked on afterwards. " | |||
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"Have you discussed aftercare and that kind of thing? It's one of the more divisive topics - for some they have no interest in it, for others it's a big thing. If you're going to engage in things with intensity, it's good to know how you both view after. It's difficult to understand why anyone into BDSM would not value aftercare. It's so fundamental to a lasting relationship. It's hard to express how wonderfully romantic it can be. Because some people genuinely don't see any need for it. They see it as the other person being "needy". Also, how aftercare looks varies so much - for one it might be cuddles and a bit of a chat for half hour after. For another it might be drink, a blanket, space for a little bit. People who understand drops are wonderful. I think there's sometimes a pressure for people to say things because that's the right answer isn't it? Like if most people like aftercare, you're not going to own it and say actually it's not for me, it's for needy people.
There's a discussion above about calmness being a thing for a dominant. I don't think anyone is always calm. Not when they're unhappy. Look at forum threads, posts. They're full of anger, emotion, all of that.
I have met people who'd say they're dominant. And they're flawed and human and that's okay. You don't need to be perfect to enjoy things. And if things don't go to plan, you're still learning. 🩷"💯 | |||
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"Have you discussed aftercare and that kind of thing? It's one of the more divisive topics - for some they have no interest in it, for others it's a big thing. If you're going to engage in things with intensity, it's good to know how you both view after. It's difficult to understand why anyone into BDSM would not value aftercare. It's so fundamental to a lasting relationship. It's hard to express how wonderfully romantic it can be. Because some people genuinely don't see any need for it. They see it as the other person being "needy". Also, how aftercare looks varies so much - for one it might be cuddles and a bit of a chat for half hour after. For another it might be drink, a blanket, space for a little bit. People who understand drops are wonderful. I think there's sometimes a pressure for people to say things because that's the right answer isn't it? Like if most people like aftercare, you're not going to own it and say actually it's not for me, it's for needy people.
There's a discussion above about calmness being a thing for a dominant. I don't think anyone is always calm. Not when they're unhappy. Look at forum threads, posts. They're full of anger, emotion, all of that.
I have met people who'd say they're dominant. And they're flawed and human and that's okay. You don't need to be perfect to enjoy things. And if things don't go to plan, you're still learning. 🩷" | |||
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"Have you discussed aftercare and that kind of thing? It's one of the more divisive topics - for some they have no interest in it, for others it's a big thing. If you're going to engage in things with intensity, it's good to know how you both view after. It's difficult to understand why anyone into BDSM would not value aftercare. It's so fundamental to a lasting relationship. It's hard to express how wonderfully romantic it can be. Because some people genuinely don't see any need for it. They see it as the other person being "needy". Also, how aftercare looks varies so much - for one it might be cuddles and a bit of a chat for half hour after. For another it might be drink, a blanket, space for a little bit. People who understand drops are wonderful. I think there's sometimes a pressure for people to say things because that's the right answer isn't it? Like if most people like aftercare, you're not going to own it and say actually it's not for me, it's for needy people.
There's a discussion above about calmness being a thing for a dominant. I don't think anyone is always calm. Not when they're unhappy. Look at forum threads, posts. They're full of anger, emotion, all of that.
I have met people who'd say they're dominant. And they're flawed and human and that's okay. You don't need to be perfect to enjoy things. And if things don't go to plan, you're still learning. 🩷"💯 maybe you should listen to these word York you might actually learn something, unless of course your one of these pretentious 'so called narcissistic domes (with a small d) that think you know it all' | |||
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"It's exactly what I'm saying. Are you saying it's OK for there to be consequences to a submissive because of the actions of an inexperienced Dom? Oh yeah because submissiveness feelings and safety don't count right? What utter bullshit that sounds more like abuse to me. I think he should look up SSC and RACK before thinking about 'punishments ' Posting wild comments that are effectively accusing total strangers of being abusers isn't a great look. Someone should definitely call the BDSM police. I find that people bang on about looking up SSC & RACK rack don’t actually know what they are talking about And I just pretending to be clever. I mean when you are a beginner SSC it’s pretty critical, but as you get more experienced you realise that actually RACK is more applicable, unless you are literally tickling someone’s arse with a flogger whilst watching Fifty Shades of beige , SSC is like a bit of a BDSM for dummies. I find it hard to believe that any sane person has reached adulthood and entered into this lifestyle without already knowing what SSC is all about. " 💯 | |||
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"It's exactly what I'm saying. Are you saying it's OK for there to be consequences to a submissive because of the actions of an inexperienced Dom? Oh yeah because submissiveness feelings and safety don't count right? What utter bullshit that sounds more like abuse to me. I think he should look up SSC and RACK before thinking about 'punishments ' Posting wild comments that are effectively accusing total strangers of being abusers isn't a great look. Someone should definitely call the BDSM police. I find that people bang on about looking up SSC & RACK rack don’t actually know what they are talking about And I just pretending to be clever. I mean when you are a beginner SSC it’s pretty critical, but as you get more experienced you realise that actually RACK is more applicable, unless you are literally tickling someone’s arse with a flogger whilst watching Fifty Shades of beige , SSC is like a bit of a BDSM for dummies. I find it hard to believe that any sane person has reached adulthood and entered into this lifestyle without already knowing what SSC is all about. 💯" 100% I didn't know what the acronym was, Google it and just thought "well fucking yeah, obviously mate". At the end of the day it's about fun, I have never really looked for a submissive, until recently, and have always gone with the flow. Every relationship I've been in has had elements of bdsm play at some point. In any scenario just focus on the other person, understand what they might want, take care of them, and have fun. Maybe I'm simply naive, and in that case, fine, then I can enjoy learning. | |||
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"well your the one that's posting dodgy shit. And trying to call out the the gate keepers of safe kink. But then again new inexperienced 'so called doms ' ( and yes I addressed you with a a lowercase d instead of an uppercase D. If you knew anything about BDSM. Then you would understand what I just posted" You haven't got a clue about anything to do with me. You've just made some nasty assumptions and run with them like a troll on amphetamines. For what little it's worth, I've been practicing BDSM since the 1980's and not just the odd short encounter but in long-term loving relationships. The most recent lasted 18 years. I've probably participated in somewhere between one and two thousand scenes. Also I'm not into any form of edge play. "maybe you should listen to these word York you might actually learn something, unless of course your one of these pretentious 'so called narcissistic domes (with a small d) that think you know it all" You're the one calling youself a gate keeper. I'm all for increasing awareness of risks, trying to help novices and learning more about how different people tick. I've been promoting high standards of ethics and safey in BDSM online for over 20 years - going back to when the Informed Consent website was a thing. But I try to do this is a fairly relaxed and friendly manner giving tips, advice about best practice and relating mistakes I've made and explaining how I came to find solutions to eliminate or massively reduce risks associated with these mistakes. | |||
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"It's exactly what I'm saying. Are you saying it's OK for there to be consequences to a submissive because of the actions of an inexperienced Dom? Oh yeah because submissiveness feelings and safety don't count right? What utter bullshit that sounds more like abuse to me. I think he should look up SSC and RACK before thinking about 'punishments ' Posting wild comments that are effectively accusing total strangers of being abusers isn't a great look. Someone should definitely call the BDSM police. I find that people bang on about looking up SSC & RACK rack don’t actually know what they are talking about And I just pretending to be clever. I mean when you are a beginner SSC it’s pretty critical, but as you get more experienced you realise that actually RACK is more applicable, unless you are literally tickling someone’s arse with a flogger whilst watching Fifty Shades of beige , SSC is like a bit of a BDSM for dummies. I find it hard to believe that any sane person has reached adulthood and entered into this lifestyle without already knowing what SSC is all about. 💯 100% I didn't know what the acronym was, Google it and just thought "well fucking yeah, obviously mate". At the end of the day it's about fun, I have never really looked for a submissive, until recently, and have always gone with the flow. Every relationship I've been in has had elements of bdsm play at some point. In any scenario just focus on the other person, understand what they might want, take care of them, and have fun. Maybe I'm simply naive, and in that case, fine, then I can enjoy learning. " No, you’re not naive. That’s how normal people learn about sex not by joining their local Harry Potter club. The BDSM community, well technically there is no such thing as a BDSM community, just lots of people having lots of different kinds of sex and they don’t all share the same opinions….. but a very small number of people who believe there is a BDSM community, have this massive hangup that thier special weirdness is being popularised and carried out by people that shouldn’t be allowed. They also dislike Fifty Shades of beige | |||
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