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How do you tell someone they need to lose weight?

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By *ools and the brain OP   Couple
9 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

Right, I can hear people's heads exploding 🤯 with anger in the forumverse ready to launch into a level of anger hitherto unseen before.

Let me explain:

This has NOTHING I REPEAT NOTHING do do with appearance.

Our daughter who is an adult (yes I understand she's an adult who can make her own choices) is very overweight around 120kgs and rising,she suffers from several health issues and has always had bad anxiety and very highly strung and doesn't take criticism lightly.

The problem is we are really concerned for her physical health,I ( Mr suffer from quite a few genetic medical issues and diabetes) we want to help and support her we know she's unhappy we've tried the subtle approach asking her to come for walks with us and so on .

But I fear it's at a critical stage if she doesn't do something now she's going to become seriously ill or worse.

Heart disease run's in the family so trust me when I say this is coming from a good place with the very best intentions,we are here parents and we love her and saying and doing nothing whilst she eats herself into an early grave is not good parenting no matter her age or ours.

How do we have a conversation about it when she's the type of person who bursts into tears if you criticise her choice of footwear

It's an extremely difficult and sensitive situation and certainly doesn't call for a heavy handed approach.

This is nothing to do with how she looks NOTHING.

well here goes pressing the post button and going to wait for the abuse to start.

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By *ellinever70Woman
9 weeks ago

Ayrshire

I don't think being concerned about your daughter's health should warrant abuse

Accept there will be tears, be sensitive, explain why you're worried and offer continued support

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By *rHotNottsMan
9 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

As parent you always have to be supportive and protect your relationship with your kids. Each child is different & will respond to different kind of motivations, don’t fall by doing or saying the things that you think would work on you, I’ve never known a kid to respond well to abuse or tough love!

Encourage healthy eating and exercise, there’s loads you can do to support them in that financially and otherwise I avoid conversation conversations that could damage your relationship

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By *issilia AmoriWoman
9 weeks ago

St Albans/ North Welsh Borders

I understand your concerns, it's an awful predicament for you and it sounds like there are deeper issues that may need to be unravaled before you tackle the weight issue...Does she live at home? Does she have a friendship group you may be able to get some insight from?

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By *eoBloomsMan
9 weeks ago

Springfield

I hope you don't get any abuse Jools, it sounds like a very concerning and challenging situation.

Has she had a conversation with medical professionals about this ? It does sound like some of the new weight loss drugs can be effective if she was able to try these.

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By *ouch of fruitCouple
9 weeks ago

burnley

Definitely think there are deeper things at play. I don't think anyone should give you abuse for wanting to prevent your daughter from dealing with some potentially very scary health conditions. Fair play for not just sticking your head in the sand. You know your daughter better than anyone on here, there are professionals who can help get to bottom of the why's with your support x

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By *edSirenWoman
9 weeks ago

magic mountain

I think sometimes you need to have these difficult conversations regardless of it will hurt their feelings. It outweighs the alternative which is to say nothing and allow it to continue. I know you don’t want to hurt your daughter, but it sounds like she’s needs support and the right kind of support won’t come if you’re not laying it out on the table first.

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By *astelloWoman
9 weeks ago

Far far away

Why not try and do some activity together. As someone who has weight issues, often it's fear or lack of confidence to try something..maybe weight watchers, gym, some class. Rather than saying you need to lose weight..encourage them

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By *loydyMan
9 weeks ago

British


"Right, I can hear people's heads exploding 🤯 with anger in the forumverse ready to launch into a level of anger hitherto unseen before.

Let me explain:

This has NOTHING I REPEAT NOTHING do do with appearance.

Our daughter who is an adult (yes I understand she's an adult who can make her own choices) is very overweight around 120kgs and rising,she suffers from several health issues and has always had bad anxiety and very highly strung and doesn't take criticism lightly.

The problem is we are really concerned for her physical health,I ( Mr suffer from quite a few genetic medical issues and diabetes) we want to help and support her we know she's unhappy we've tried the subtle approach asking her to come for walks with us and so on .

But I fear it's at a critical stage if she doesn't do something now she's going to become seriously ill or worse.

Heart disease run's in the family so trust me when I say this is coming from a good place with the very best intentions,we are here parents and we love her and saying and doing nothing whilst she eats herself into an early grave is not good parenting no matter her age or ours.

How do we have a conversation about it when she's the type of person who bursts into tears if you criticise her choice of footwear

It's an extremely difficult and sensitive situation and certainly doesn't call for a heavy handed approach.

This is nothing to do with how she looks NOTHING.

well here goes pressing the post button and going to wait for the abuse to start."

I lost 3.5 stone cycling

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By *avenNightsMan
9 weeks ago

Canvey Island

It is difficult and I come from personal experience with myself when addressing it.

You mention that your daughter has anxiety, highly strung etc, has she spoken to a therapist? The only reason I ask is that before I started losing weight, I too had anxiety, was highly defensive and didn’t take criticism easily (and that came off the back of health anxiety too).

You may find it easier to have the discussion around weight loss etc if the anxiety & defensiveness is addressed first. 😅

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By *exyScientistsCouple
9 weeks ago

Castlebar

I was just like your daughter, admittedly not at the same weight but very sensitive about it. My mother was obsessed with my weight long before it was ever a problem. I was never the size she wanted me to be. So I became a secret, comfort eater. It was whenever I want through periods of being unhappy I would gain more so maybe focus on that with her. For me, mentioning weight of food was an emotional trigger.

Ask her is she happy? Are there things she wants to change? How you can help her be happy?

Maybe there are things that she can't control and you can help.

For me my weight has been up and down. Since I joined Fab 18mths ago weirdly my weight has dropped more than with any diet I ever did and I didn't even try. I've just been more content with life generally. There has been some emotional trauma too but I actually stopped eating whereas before I always ate more..

I'll always be unhappy with my body and I don't know if that is due to how my mother approached it and focused on it but it's a horrible feeling to never be happy with the way you look.

Now as a parent with a child that went from slightly overweight to quite skinny I am trying not to be "my mum" and like you focus on the healthy side, but in a subtle way...

She sounds like she isn't happy and getting to the bottom of that might be key. It took me 50 years to realise that.

Good luck xx

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By *lasticpaddy1Man
9 weeks ago

Athlone

If anyone abuses you over this topic they deserve no place on this site or in society.

It is a very tricky situation, do you know what's causing the anxiety etc? As someone has said do things like walks in countryside together, does she live with ye?

If yes change all your lifestyle habits and lead it together.

Some medications cause weight gain and there are alternatives out there that don't have side effects.

But probably the most effective thing you can do is talk about it as a mom and ask how you can help.

She could be in a rut and nobody has offered help to her and that's is what might be affecting her.

Talk and offer help don't beat around the bush

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By *rystalAndDavidCouple
9 weeks ago

Leeds

Has your daughter been assessed for ADHD as that could be impacting her impulse control and ability to regulate emotions?

crystal

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By *egoMan
9 weeks ago

Preston

Just be blunt (but loving). I think we need more of this in society and less ‘supportive’ when it comes to these issues. ‘Plus sized’ (morbidly obese) influencers are really anti health and to be honest selfish. Im all about inclusion but they've chosen to take up more space and effectively disable themselves and refuse to do anything but expect others to accommodate.

The difference a few kilos can make to a bodies ability to do actions is very noticeable. From pull-ups to walking up and down stairs.

The heaviest i’ve been is 120kg, now thats what i train with for weighted walks. As i’m 100kg now.

Good luck, i hope you’re successful in saving her.

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By *rHotNottsMan
9 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham


"I think sometimes you need to have these difficult conversations regardless of it will hurt their feelings. It outweighs the alternative which is to say nothing and allow it to continue. I know you don’t want to hurt your daughter, but it sounds like she’s needs support and the right kind of support won’t come if you’re not laying it out on the table first. "

What kind of ‘difficult’ conversation would you suggest?

Lots of adults have eating disorders and are overweight or obese it’s very very common. I think most are fully aware they have a problem & don’t need those closest to them making them feel even worse. If they are vulnerable, this can make the situation even worse. Overeating is often a reaction of feeling unhappy.

it’s not difficult conversations they need it is practical support, help and understanding. It’s possible to do all this without any form of criticism or judgement.

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By *linyMan
9 weeks ago

Manchester/London

It’s understandable and normal for you to be worried about your daughter. Good for you for seeking advice albeit on this site! There is a wealth of knowledge and experience of people on here aswell the obvious numpties but you can filter what advice you’d like to take as you please. As others have said, look at getting to the cause of her anxieties with counselling etc. Her mental health is the key to unlocking her physical well being and weight loss. Are there local support groups for her peerage with people with the same or similar health conditions? Does she have friends that have an active lifestyle that can encourage her to exercise with them?

I’m a mental health first aider so if you need specific area assistance DM me and I’ll do everything I can to help

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By *a LunaWoman
9 weeks ago

o o OO o o

I wouldn’t make the conversation about her weight. People know they are fat, they don’t need to be told. Instead make it more about her health, say you have diabetes and are worried about it for her.

Be gentle. Be kind. Be supportive. Don’t be accusatory, don’t be judgmental.

Do NOT mention her weight.

She might go off on one, she might not. But I will reiterate that fat people know they are fat. There is probably something more to it going on than you may be aware off, so please. Be sensitive.

Also keep in mind that her GP will have had this very discussion with her at some point too if they have seen her recently. Fat people can’t see a GP without their weight being mentioned and all the side effects excess weight brings, so keep in mind she may already know all this and your comments will be seen as unnecessary.

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By *viatrixWoman
9 weeks ago

Redhill


"Why not try and do some activity together. As someone who has weight issues, often it's fear or lack of confidence to try something..maybe weight watchers, gym, some class. Rather than saying you need to lose weight..encourage them "

Exactly this.

My parents spent all my teenage years (I put on 3 stone as soon as I hit puberty and struggled with my weight ever since) telling me I should lose weight, that I was fat, that no one would want me etc etc they were both very slim, dad quite athletic, my mother was a beauty queen in her day. They were always conscious eaters but they never struggled with their weight. I wish they had asked me to go on walks with them, or swimming, or to the gym. Setting an example always stays with kids.

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By *CBoyTV/TS
9 weeks ago

Rhondda

Surely this is a medical issue that would come up in an annual check up with her GP?

Some are better than others. I have type 2 diabetes and my GP suggested I try a low carb diet. This not only reversed my diabetes but I lost 3 stone fairly quickly.

But why it worked for me is that I enjoy cooking and there are 1000s of videos on YouTube showing low carb and keto meals and they taste good so it's not like being on a "diet" it's cooking with often unusual ingredients.

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By *ansoffateMan
9 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

I'm quite vocal about the damage body-shaming can do, but that's not at all the same as a parent concerned about their daughter's health.

Quite often people need someone outside of their family or social circle to talk to. Disordered eating is often linked to anxiety, it may be that talking through the anxiety is a better way to start. If there is disordered eating, it can become a vicious cycle where the thing that relieves anxiety also becomes part of the cause of it. It's hard to give behavioural patterns up when you feel you need them and so people become defensive.

As a general rule, listening is the best way to start a conversation on a difficult topic with someone who is feeling sensitive or vulnerable. Inviting them to talk about their feelings and trying to be patient, demonstrating that you understand them. When people feel someone fully understands them, then they are more likely to value and be receptive to an intervention.

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By *enda83Man
9 weeks ago

newcastle

Have you tried suggesting exercising together and hoping she gets hooked? I know it’s a long shot but sometimes that’s all it takes with certain people, I’d normally just be blunt I’ll happily tell anyone I know they are ower fat but in this case think a more encouraging approach is needed

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By *P15Man
9 weeks ago

brighton

Don’t under any circumstances mention her weight. At all. Ever.

The world is already predisposed to be judgmental and harsh. And for anyone with self confidence issues, self image concerns or mental health problems, any mention of needing self improvement, no matter how well intentioned, is highly likely to be seen as confirmation of all the negative things they already feel about themselves.

As a parent myself I fully understand your predicament and my heart breaks for your worries. But you also need to know that now she’s an adult, unless she’s coming to you for help, your ability to assist is limited.

If you can afford it. Consider counselling.

We’re complicated creatures and if you try to talk to her, it’s likely to trigger the parent-child relationship of her brain. The changes you're looking for have to come from her. No one wants or likes to be told what to do, the child response is rarely a positive one.

I’m sorry this sounds like a lot of negativity but it’s really not. The good news in all this is she clearly has parents who love her and want her to be happy. That is an absolute gift and a gold mine of a resource.

My advice is to see the weight gain as a consequence of unhappiness not the cause.

I would begin to work on her self esteem. Talk to her only on positive terms. No matter how small the wins in her life, big them up. Tell her regularly how much you love her. Highlight her great personality traits. You need to be an oasis of calm, reassurance and safety. Any conversations about needing improvements/changes will shatter that shelter.

If she is anxious or in a negative space, that likely didnt happen overnight. The fix for this isn’t overnight either.

You don’t want her to lose weight. You want her to be happy and healthy. If you can build her up, get her to a positive circle, the weight loss will follow as a happy coincidence.

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By *vaRoseWoman
9 weeks ago

Ankh-Morpork

I’m sure you’ve had some excellent advice right now but here’s my two pennies worth before I go and read back.

Don’t make it about her weight, make it about her fitness and health. You don’t even need to mention the weight but you can talk about her health.

I have friends who are very healthy fit lady rugby players…. But if you ran their weight and height it would put them on the obese scale of BMi….. each one of them is in their own right wonderfully fit and healthy.

So my advice is not to mention her weight at all, but do mention your concerns about her health and the genetic timebomb she carries - taking some of the blame here will make her feel like it’s not all her own fault.

Good luck

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By *ermite12ukMan
9 weeks ago

Solihull and Romford

You could plant a little seed inside her head, saying something like...

"I've been looking on the net, because my left knee and right hip are beginning to play up. The operation to replace them, from what I've read is seriously painful. I may have to go see the doctor.

Though before I do that, I think I might go on a diet to see if I can maybe help my poor old legs out.

What do you think?"

Sort of make out, you or one of her friends, you get on well with, has got the issue and maybe she might start thinking. Maybe what mom/dad/friend are saying, might work for me.

Try and get her to think up the idea herself.

Good luck btw.

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By *randMrsShebaCouple
9 weeks ago

Birmingham

You don't tell them more than once.

If they can't admit it themselves then you just move on.

I only like honest fat people.

Don't humour it when they give you bullshit about diets.

It annoys me because I can't actually become fat in that way because despite not exercising I am too over worked and active.

They are reliant on the physical labour of people like me helping them when it's not in my job description. I get no extra money for it.

I am cool helping a big fat lady I work with because she is a very kind person who jokes about her weight.

But many others will be very lazy and selfish and expect you to go extra miles and skip meals on their behalf when it's obvious they wouldn't do the bare minimum.

It's all about attitude. Some of them are positive fatties while others are very lazy and insecure deep down.

I've always seen being fat as a privileged I can't have because I have too many working man responsibilities. I expect some gratitude if I go upstairs and carry a box back down for them. Or else they should be doing these things as a way to loose weight.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
9 weeks ago

Leeds


"I don't think being concerned about your daughter's health should warrant abuse

Accept there will be tears, be sensitive, explain why you're worried and offer continued support "

This.

I'm a cryer it's so annoying and embarrassing, I'd cry if you told me I need to lose weight but I'd want to hear it if it got to a point of it harming my health, just accept the crying.

Please don't just tell her without having some idea on helping her with the issue though, she's already anxious telling her then leaving her to ponder this alone could cause more harm than good, speaking from an anxious cryer.

Maybe look into some diets/exercise etc but aimed towards people like her, don't suggest she go to a gym if she's anxious around people for example.

Maybe offer to go for a general check up with the GP to discuss the weight and make sure there's nothing underlying that could be causing issues, a lot of mine was certain medications but it's a balance of heart/fat and I'm keeping my heart working and trying to work on the rest separately.

Good luck, expect tears they aren't a bad thing, give cuddles, support and advice.

I'm sure she'll see it's coming from a place of love.

Mrs

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By *lashman the ThirdMan
9 weeks ago

Leeds

I wish all the best for your daughter and her health ❤️ hope you are able to have the conversation.

It’s taboo, but it shouldn’t be. I love women of all sizes, but we have to accept that eventually it will sadly cause disease and other problems.

Wishing you both the absolute best

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By *estructionDollyWoman
9 weeks ago

The Deep Dark Woods

Okay, my 2p as a girl who has been varying degrees of fat since she was about 14...

IGNORE the fat shaming and advice about being "brutally honest" or direct. That approach does not work.

I've had unsolicited negative comments about my weight/body from both family members and strangers my entire life and all it served to do was make me ashamed and retreat into myself, destroy my confidence, body image, self worth, give me issues around intimacy and relationships, give me anxiety... That approach does absolutely nothing to make me want to lose weight. In fact, probably the opposite. Especially when fat people are constantly "shamed" in the media too. Body shaming does NOT work. It took me a looooooong time and a lot of work to reprogramme my brain to get out of those negative cycles and be a confident person.

My weight has fluctuated dramatically over the years, and the periods where I lost weight the main thing was it was about doing it for ME, being motivated, coming at it from a POSITIVE mindset, improving my health and having a positive/motivated mental attitude. Fat people know they are fat. We have mirrors! We buy our clothes! We know what we look like naked. We don't need reminding we are fat.

But having conversations about health and talking about your own health journey too is a better direction. Also, be supportive. Exercising on your own is boring and it becomes hard to stay motivated. Suggest going on long walks together. I was never confident enough to go to a gym as I expected people would make comments and bodyshame me (you see it online ALL the time), so she will maybe feel the same. But working out at home can work, maybe suggest doing it together too? Going swimming together etc. Losing weight is as much about moving as it is about eating. And it can also make you feel better mentally too.

The main thing I'm saying is don't make it a negative conversation, maybe make it a gradual progression and be supportive, reinforce a positive outlook and be prepared to do stuff together and keep the motivation going. Even things like cooking as well as moving.

But don't pressure her or be overbearing. It has to be something she wants to do and be in the right frame of mind about. And at the end of the day... she is an adult and you have to respect her bodily autonomy and choices 🤷🏻‍♀️

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By *sStephenPickleMan
9 weeks ago

Ends

If you’re THAT worried then I would say you just have to accept that there will be tears.

Be clear that you’re worried about health given family history etc.

BUT! BUT, if she gets upset don’t invalidate that. She is allowed to be upset by this conversation.

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By *oeBeansMan
9 weeks ago

Derby

It's a really tough balance between being quite firm for the right reasons and handling it delicately but still getting the messages through.

I don't think I have any advice for that conversation or the best way, but you mentioned subtly going for walks, could the same be done for diets? Have everyone eating the same low calorie meals that way it's a collective effort to be healthier?

I really hope you're able to have that talking her and things change for the better soon! ❤️

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
9 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

How old is she please. I know you said 'adult' but how old is she in years ?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
9 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

While your there getting the facts n figures... how tall is she please

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By *sWyldWoman
9 weeks ago

Edinburgh

I am in this situation with one of my sons. He's piled on the weight since being in a relationship and spending most of his time at their house.

He's given up the gym ,he's living off fast food and he's now in xxl clothes at 19.

He suffers from anxiety and has autism. It can be really challenging.

We have had very frank conversations, he doesn't like it and feels uncomfortable when we do.

The GP has also raised it with him.

My hope is that a realisation will hit at some point soon

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By *avie65Man
9 weeks ago

In the west.

Hi OP I could have written this post. My daughter has had loads of health issues, all auto-immune, since the moment she was born, she is now in her 30s and living a full life albeit with some limitations. I know what you mean about her physical size and as you have said there are so many familial health conditions to take into account as well, they run in my family as well.

Even though both situations are quite similar what works for us might not work for you and vice versa. I try to lead by example which you are both doing by trying to get her to go out for a walk with you.

I have stopped the direct approach and I now mention things in passing or if something comes up I speak about it but not in great depth, just so the seed is sown. I have also found that small things that are hardly noticeable work better than massive changes.

Not only does it affect your daughter it affects both of you & your entire family and it is bloody exhausting, frustrating, anger some, heartbreaking and many many other things.

I feel your pain and frustration, I hope you can find a way to help your daughter improve her physical health.

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By *ools and the brain OP   Couple
9 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

Thanks for all your kind and thoughtful answers.

I will sit and respond in more detail to questions asked later as busy today.

But thanks for your responses 🙏

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By *egasus NobMan
9 weeks ago

Wandsworth

Talk about sugar and reducing it.

regularly take a walk together, leading by example

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By *hrills and adventureMan
9 weeks ago

Winchester

Personally I think you should sit down with your daughter and approach it from your perspective. Tell her how much you love her, how much you care for her and how you only want the best for her.

Explain your worries about her health with regards to your family history and let her know that you'll always be there for her should she want to talk about her situation and will do what ever you can to support in anything she decides.

I feel there are probably deep seated reasons that have led to her weight gain and if so she will only change when she is ready. So in the meantime, just be there for her and let her know how proud of her you are and how much you love her.

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By *aron Van WinkleMan
9 weeks ago

In fair Verona.

‘Hey babes, should we send the Uber Eats driver a Christmas card this year?’

It’s a tough one, but healthy eating is better than just trying to lose weight, and it’s normally connected.

Good luck.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
9 weeks ago

Reading

I'm afraid you can't. It took me 20 years to take diabetes seriously. It had to come from me. Food addiction is real and very hard to crack. All you can do is to keep talking gently to her. Try to encourage going walking together. Cook delicious healthy meals for her. But ultimately it is her life. I totally understand how hard it is to watch her ruining her health and I can see your concern comes from your love for her. Maybe start with the mh issues as that will be feeding into the food addiction.

Hugs you are a loving dad and this post is to your credit.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
9 weeks ago

Reading


"I'm afraid you can't. It took me 20 years to take diabetes seriously. It had to come from me. Food addiction is real and very hard to crack. All you can do is to keep talking gently to her. Try to encourage going walking together. Cook delicious healthy meals for her. But ultimately it is her life. I totally understand how hard it is to watch her ruining her health and I can see your concern comes from your love for her. Maybe start with the mh issues as that will be feeding into the food addiction.

Hugs you are a loving dad and this post is to your credit. "

Sorry loving parents.

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By *he OpalsnakeMan
9 weeks ago

Thirsk


"Right, I can hear people's heads exploding 🤯 with anger in the forumverse ready to launch into a level of anger hitherto unseen before.

Let me explain:

This has NOTHING I REPEAT NOTHING do do with appearance.

Our daughter who is an adult (yes I understand she's an adult who can make her own choices) is very overweight around 120kgs and rising,she suffers from several health issues and has always had bad anxiety and very highly strung and doesn't take criticism lightly.

The problem is we are really concerned for her physical health,I ( Mr suffer from quite a few genetic medical issues and diabetes) we want to help and support her we know she's unhappy we've tried the subtle approach asking her to come for walks with us and so on .

But I fear it's at a critical stage if she doesn't do something now she's going to become seriously ill or worse.

Heart disease run's in the family so trust me when I say this is coming from a good place with the very best intentions,we are here parents and we love her and saying and doing nothing whilst she eats herself into an early grave is not good parenting no matter her age or ours.

How do we have a conversation about it when she's the type of person who bursts into tears if you criticise her choice of footwear

It's an extremely difficult and sensitive situation and certainly doesn't call for a heavy handed approach.

This is nothing to do with how she looks NOTHING.

well here goes pressing the post button and going to wait for the abuse to start."

Step 1 buy the gym membership for both of you and designate time together so it's quality time.

Step 2 own your concern and invest in helping her. It's not wrong to say something it's wrong to say nothing.

Step 3 let her lead on what she is capable of and congratulate every pound lost.

Step 4 accept you aren't a monster for wanting the best for your child.

Step 5 just walk with her dude, my brother is ex army, hit 24 stone when he left, 2 hours a week walking with me lost him two stone and showed him he could do more.

Empathy works better than pressure. Walking alongside is easier than pushing.

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By *i fem huntersCouple
9 weeks ago

london

Get her a puppy, will encourage physical and emotional growth

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By *ucka39Man
9 weeks ago

Newcastle

Change the food diet as a whole rather than singling one person out can add some encouragement as a starter are some super foods which are good for weight loss and still able to enjoy and filling

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By *mileyculturebelfastMan
9 weeks ago

belfast

Good luck with that. It's not nice and not easy. I did it the wrong way.

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By *erry bull1Man
9 weeks ago

doncaster


"Right, I can hear people's heads exploding 🤯 with anger in the forumverse ready to launch into a level of anger hitherto unseen before.

Let me explain:

This has NOTHING I REPEAT NOTHING do do with appearance.

Our daughter who is an adult (yes I understand she's an adult who can make her own choices) is very overweight around 120kgs and rising,she suffers from several health issues and has always had bad anxiety and very highly strung and doesn't take criticism lightly.

The problem is we are really concerned for her physical health,I ( Mr suffer from quite a few genetic medical issues and diabetes) we want to help and support her we know she's unhappy we've tried the subtle approach asking her to come for walks with us and so on .

But I fear it's at a critical stage if she doesn't do something now she's going to become seriously ill or worse.

Heart disease run's in the family so trust me when I say this is coming from a good place with the very best intentions,we are here parents and we love her and saying and doing nothing whilst she eats herself into an early grave is not good parenting no matter her age or ours.

How do we have a conversation about it when she's the type of person who bursts into tears if you criticise her choice of footwear

It's an extremely difficult and sensitive situation and certainly doesn't call for a heavy handed approach.

This is nothing to do with how she looks NOTHING.

well here goes pressing the post button and going to wait for the abuse to start."

sorry to hear about your daughter , I hope you get some good advice and not abuse from users

Take care

Terry

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By *inkShyWoman
9 weeks ago

near Windsor

Find a reason for her to attend a Dr appointment and they'll happily tell her. X

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By *orruptionandliesMan
9 weeks ago

leeds

I would love to give you a cuddle by my arms no longer reach

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By *ayHaychMan
9 weeks ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

I love that we encourage people to be confident in the here and now bodies we are in. At the same time the idea that being a large person is not unhealthy and should be encouraged, is detrimental for individuals and society. It’s a sensitive area, and you shouldn’t get abuse.

I wonder if there are services which combine deiticans, nutritionists, and some low intensity psychological therapy. I think with comfort eating, or using food to cope, it is not as easy as telling someone “eat less, move more”.

I wish you luck OP and hope it all works out 3

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By *londebiguyMan
9 weeks ago

Southport

Invite her to eat healthy meals with you ?

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