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"Right, I can hear people's heads exploding 🤯 with anger in the forumverse ready to launch into a level of anger hitherto unseen before. Let me explain: This has NOTHING I REPEAT NOTHING do do with appearance. Our daughter who is an adult (yes I understand she's an adult who can make her own choices) is very overweight around 120kgs and rising,she suffers from several health issues and has always had bad anxiety and very highly strung and doesn't take criticism lightly. The problem is we are really concerned for her physical health,I ( Mr suffer from quite a few genetic medical issues and diabetes) we want to help and support her we know she's unhappy we've tried the subtle approach asking her to come for walks with us and so on . But I fear it's at a critical stage if she doesn't do something now she's going to become seriously ill or worse. Heart disease run's in the family so trust me when I say this is coming from a good place with the very best intentions,we are here parents and we love her and saying and doing nothing whilst she eats herself into an early grave is not good parenting no matter her age or ours. How do we have a conversation about it when she's the type of person who bursts into tears if you criticise her choice of footwear ![]() I lost 3.5 stone cycling | |||
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"I think sometimes you need to have these difficult conversations regardless of it will hurt their feelings. It outweighs the alternative which is to say nothing and allow it to continue. I know you don’t want to hurt your daughter, but it sounds like she’s needs support and the right kind of support won’t come if you’re not laying it out on the table first. " What kind of ‘difficult’ conversation would you suggest? Lots of adults have eating disorders and are overweight or obese it’s very very common. I think most are fully aware they have a problem & don’t need those closest to them making them feel even worse. If they are vulnerable, this can make the situation even worse. Overeating is often a reaction of feeling unhappy. it’s not difficult conversations they need it is practical support, help and understanding. It’s possible to do all this without any form of criticism or judgement. | |||
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"Why not try and do some activity together. As someone who has weight issues, often it's fear or lack of confidence to try something..maybe weight watchers, gym, some class. Rather than saying you need to lose weight..encourage them " Exactly this. My parents spent all my teenage years (I put on 3 stone as soon as I hit puberty and struggled with my weight ever since) telling me I should lose weight, that I was fat, that no one would want me etc etc ![]() | |||
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"I don't think being concerned about your daughter's health should warrant abuse Accept there will be tears, be sensitive, explain why you're worried and offer continued support " This. I'm a cryer it's so annoying and embarrassing, I'd cry if you told me I need to lose weight but I'd want to hear it if it got to a point of it harming my health, just accept the crying. Please don't just tell her without having some idea on helping her with the issue though, she's already anxious telling her then leaving her to ponder this alone could cause more harm than good, speaking from an anxious cryer. Maybe look into some diets/exercise etc but aimed towards people like her, don't suggest she go to a gym if she's anxious around people for example. Maybe offer to go for a general check up with the GP to discuss the weight and make sure there's nothing underlying that could be causing issues, a lot of mine was certain medications but it's a balance of heart/fat and I'm keeping my heart working and trying to work on the rest separately. Good luck, expect tears they aren't a bad thing, give cuddles, support and advice. I'm sure she'll see it's coming from a place of love. Mrs | |||
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"I'm afraid you can't. It took me 20 years to take diabetes seriously. It had to come from me. Food addiction is real and very hard to crack. All you can do is to keep talking gently to her. Try to encourage going walking together. Cook delicious healthy meals for her. But ultimately it is her life. I totally understand how hard it is to watch her ruining her health and I can see your concern comes from your love for her. Maybe start with the mh issues as that will be feeding into the food addiction. Hugs you are a loving dad and this post is to your credit. " Sorry loving parents. | |||
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"Right, I can hear people's heads exploding 🤯 with anger in the forumverse ready to launch into a level of anger hitherto unseen before. Let me explain: This has NOTHING I REPEAT NOTHING do do with appearance. Our daughter who is an adult (yes I understand she's an adult who can make her own choices) is very overweight around 120kgs and rising,she suffers from several health issues and has always had bad anxiety and very highly strung and doesn't take criticism lightly. The problem is we are really concerned for her physical health,I ( Mr suffer from quite a few genetic medical issues and diabetes) we want to help and support her we know she's unhappy we've tried the subtle approach asking her to come for walks with us and so on . But I fear it's at a critical stage if she doesn't do something now she's going to become seriously ill or worse. Heart disease run's in the family so trust me when I say this is coming from a good place with the very best intentions,we are here parents and we love her and saying and doing nothing whilst she eats herself into an early grave is not good parenting no matter her age or ours. How do we have a conversation about it when she's the type of person who bursts into tears if you criticise her choice of footwear ![]() Step 1 buy the gym membership for both of you and designate time together so it's quality time. Step 2 own your concern and invest in helping her. It's not wrong to say something it's wrong to say nothing. Step 3 let her lead on what she is capable of and congratulate every pound lost. Step 4 accept you aren't a monster for wanting the best for your child. Step 5 just walk with her dude, my brother is ex army, hit 24 stone when he left, 2 hours a week walking with me lost him two stone and showed him he could do more. Empathy works better than pressure. Walking alongside is easier than pushing. | |||
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"Right, I can hear people's heads exploding 🤯 with anger in the forumverse ready to launch into a level of anger hitherto unseen before. Let me explain: This has NOTHING I REPEAT NOTHING do do with appearance. Our daughter who is an adult (yes I understand she's an adult who can make her own choices) is very overweight around 120kgs and rising,she suffers from several health issues and has always had bad anxiety and very highly strung and doesn't take criticism lightly. The problem is we are really concerned for her physical health,I ( Mr suffer from quite a few genetic medical issues and diabetes) we want to help and support her we know she's unhappy we've tried the subtle approach asking her to come for walks with us and so on . But I fear it's at a critical stage if she doesn't do something now she's going to become seriously ill or worse. Heart disease run's in the family so trust me when I say this is coming from a good place with the very best intentions,we are here parents and we love her and saying and doing nothing whilst she eats herself into an early grave is not good parenting no matter her age or ours. How do we have a conversation about it when she's the type of person who bursts into tears if you criticise her choice of footwear ![]() sorry to hear about your daughter , I hope you get some good advice and not abuse from users Take care Terry | |||
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