FabSwingers.com forum: Nerves & No Erection When Playing

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I have an issue when me and my partner play with another couple, due to nerves i find it very hard to get an errection. Even though i feel relaxed and i am comforatable with everything going on my penis is just not getting hard enough. It has not stopped us having great sexy fun but i want my penis to do what it should be doing lol.

We are new to swinging and in our normal sex life i have no problems at all so im wondering what can be done to overcome this.

Is viagra likely to work, has anyone used it under these circumstances with good results ? Is there any other solution to my problem.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try a blindfold.

sexy and works wonders for the nervous

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By *im53Man
over a year ago

Boldon

just trying to hard will not help

just consentrat on playing with the ladies with plenty of licking and fingering,

as you get more relaxed you will find the problem will disapear

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By *irtydanMan
over a year ago

Blackpool

"Try a blindfold.

sexy and works wonders for the nervous

"
mmmmmm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Viagra should only be taken after medical consultation, it often has adverse effects xxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

viagra does work tho you shouldnt take it without seeing a doc first, many men use viagra and have no problems but i know a guy who took one and had a stroke because he had a heart condition he didnt even know about

Many men have the same problem as you, ive been meeting men off such sites for about 9 years now and beleive me your not alone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

the more u think about it

it more ull no get hard just

try 2 relax an go with the flow

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By *imfromGlasgowMan
over a year ago

er...guess

"I have an issue when me and my partner play with another couple, due to nerves i find it very hard to get an errection. ..........."

Is it possible the couples scene just doesn't do anything for you? Your verifications all seem to be based on meets at clubs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think...

bloody well done for being honest and brave enuf to ask ... many guys wouldn't

the more you try, the more pressure you put yurself under... the more it will not work..

it's about being relaxed, comfortable with all parties, not trying to compete in any way with the other guy in the 4some..

lots of time on oral till you get really horned up..

cockrings may help, as with viagra under medical supervision but if yu can get an erection 121, unlikely the doc will persribe for swinging purposes.

I think key is being more relaxed

good luck and well done for having the guts to ask , respect from me

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

" ... We are new to swinging ..."

Trying giving it a bit more time. New experiences can trigger different parts of the brain into action... because they are new and different. You may well be feeling relaxed and horny (in one of the conscious bits of your brain), but a little bit of your self defence mechanism is likely to be ticking-over in the background because the situation is unfamiliar.

Try to think about the things you can do rather than focus on what you feel you're not doing (easier said than done I know) and become use to sex with others around... your self defence will learn to switch off and send the blood where you want it.

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By *imfromGlasgowMan
over a year ago

er...guess

"viagra does work tho you shouldnt take it without seeing a doc first, many men use viagra and have no problems but i know a guy who took one and had a stroke because he had a heart condition he didnt even know about

Many men have the same problem as you, ive been meeting men off such sites for about 9 years now and beleive me your not alone"

I don't know that a discussion with a GP would neccessarily reveal a heart condition that would suggest not taking Viagra. A GP would probably advise against taking Viagra unless there was a know physiological reason (like impotence due to diabetes) FOR taking the stuff.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You say sex with your partner presents no problems therefore I think Viagra unnecessary, getting your head around the swinging is more what may be causing your problem, as everyone else says relax and be assured it will happen when your mind is ready for it all. Hope you don't think I am being presumptuous xxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

you will find it happens to 90% of new swingers. It really is hard to relax when you are new on the scene, try and avoid alcohol, and go slowly to start. Viagra or other drug might help, but I would recommend you just start with a kiss and a cuddle and let the lady arrouse you.

It can be a bit disheartening when you are new to the scene, to see a guy drop his keks and display a stiffy like fence post, while you are still soft as putty.

Im sure its just nerves as you say, and it will get better. Best of luck mate, and enjoy it. Jack

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Try a blindfold.

sexy and works wonders for the nervous

yeah but dont fall over the coffee table

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By *habsMan
over a year ago

Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex

Happens to me everytime... I'm shy you see

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Now this is what is good about this site at times.

I know a lot of the time people get stick on the forums for taking the pee out of newbies or certain questions, but it is great to see that you can be serious too.

To the OP......sadly, worrying about it will probably make things worse.

I don't think it has anything to do with you not really wanting to be in the situation, it is probably more the fact you do actually want it.

I would suggest if you can, to meet with someone you have before, who know you might struggle, and go with the mind set that I may or may not get an erection tonight, but I am going to have fun anyway with other means.

Who knows, it just might happen when you are not putting pressure on yourself.

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you find yourself looking at the other guy and thinking, "Hmm, he's bigger than me" or "he's pleasing her in ways I never have?"

Do you feel uncomfortable with another guy in your house fucking your partner? As stated earlier, you've had no problems in clubs and maybe that's because you had little time to build up to it and found it easier. Inviting people to your home means preparation and planning which can have a damp squib effect on things as you want it to go smoothly for everyone involved.

The key is to relax and enjoy what's happening and maybe for the first few times try not to get too actively involved and just watch your partner enjoying herself. If you meet the same couple a few times eventually your cock will decide for itself that it wants some fun too. Hopefully.

Good luck and credence to you for admitting it. It happened to me a few times when I first started swinging but seems to be ok now lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Try a blindfold.

sexy and works wonders for the nervous

no i want to see what is going on

thanks for the replies guys and thanks View for the support, im aware its a common problem so im not panicking thinking im broke, im mature enough to accept its only happening in a swinging situation and so i can only hope it will improve. I dont want to meet couples and this keeps happening.

I loved all of the fun in a room with another couple and seeing my partner having fun with another guy, i really enjoy it all so im not concerned about anything. I did start getting harder when my partner lay beside me and she was getting licked by the other guy, she was making eyes at me and doing sexythings with her mouth, that helped me lol.

i have tried viarga in the past for fun reasons and thats why i thought it might help me get a bit of confidence back if i can perform in future meets till a time when i dont need it because im more used to playing with couples.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Do you find yourself looking at the other guy and thinking, "Hmm, he's bigger than me" or "he's pleasing her in ways I never have?"

Good luck and credence to you for admitting it. It happened to me a few times when I first started swinging but seems to be ok now lol

so far my partner has not experienced anything we dont do as we have a great sex life and im larger than your average cock so i dont have an issue with that

so far we have been with 3 couples at clubs and not played at our home

i wondered if seperate room fun would help but its same room fun we want to stick to.

As many of you have said i should try a more relaxed apoproach and maybe less or no alcohol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i have tried viarga in the past for fun reasons and that's why i thought it might help me get a bit of confidence back if i can perform in future meets till a time when i don't need it because I'm more used to playing with couples."

I would keep trying without viagra... all viagra would do is maybe make you feel reliant on it .. and in the future panicky if you don't take it..

and have it as a last resort..

happened to me with a couple in their house, I panicked when they told me kids were upstairs, and I looked at the fire place and saw pics of their faces looking at me... I should have left then but not me..

we started...... and nothing happened downstairs, as floppy as floppy can be.. not a twitch..

I was mortified... the more I tried, the more nothing..

I drove home mortified, then got a stiffy about a mile from my house..

I genuinely went on cam with them immediately prove I could... and I never do cam wanks lol

it is mostly in our heads lads..

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

" ... i have tried viarga in the past for fun reasons and thats why i thought it might help me get a bit of confidence back if i can perform in future meets till a time when i dont need it because im more used to playing with couples."

Beside the potential health risks... and the chance of a stiffy when you don't want it, which is a bit of a giveaway...

Have you considered how you will know when the time is right to not take the blue pill?

You may inadvertently become reliant (mentally) on your little tablet safeguard and be back to square one now worrying if things will be as you wish them to be when you stop taking it…. just a thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I did start getting harder when my partner lay beside me and she was getting licked by the other guy, she was making eyes at me and doing sexythings with her mouth, that helped me

seems to me you are a lucky couple to be so connected sexually with just a look. Good luck xxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you usually drink alcohol before you play, try abstaining and see if it makes any difference.

On our first couple to couple meet I had a few drinks to "relax" me and found that I was so "relaxed" I couldn't rise to the occaision. I then sat back and watched the other guy shag my wife and his own wife, for three hours, on his own. I have not touched an alcoholic drink on a meet since, and have performed ok every time. Im not saying your problem is the same as mine, but its an easy place to start.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

lol @ view that was funny

i dont depend on blue pills at all i tried them for fun years ago to get an extra hard stiffy

i dont depend on them in any way.

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

I wonder if you sub consciously think you're being deceitful when swinging, if you have no issue with your current partner, then there seems to be a mental block when playing away, just a thought.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"If you usually drink alcohol before you play, try abstaining and see if it makes any difference.

yes i think no alcohol may be a good idea, it just means ill be unsocialble instead lol

at the end of the night i can still perform with my partner so i have not had so much drink i cant perform, it just may be that some alcohol will even affect my erection.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wonder if you sub consciously think you're being deceitful when swinging, if you have no issue with your current partner, then there seems to be a mental block when playing away, just a thought."

i agree there is some kind of mental block but which i dont know, i do feel fine when i play with the other woman and im fine with her having fun with the other guy, the full situation just seems great to me, ita a turn on me being with another woman and its a turn on to me my partner being with another guy beside me, i really enjoy it.

what the block is i dont know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe go along to the clubs and dont play with anyone else for a while...

Watch and see whats going on and when things happen, let them be a natural progression instead of set up meets etc.

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

"What the block is i dont know

Embarrassment?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont think embarrassment comes into it.

When i first started i was anxious that i wouldnt measure up so to speak.All these folk were more knowledgable than me so i decided to play with my own partner instead of anyone else until the nerves went and i felt more at ease.

Took a while but well worth the wait.

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By *i 1 Get 1 FreeCouple (MM)
over a year ago

birmingham

"I dont think embarrassment comes into it"

Some people are very embarrassed about their bodies

and certain parts of it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got to the point now that i dont give a fook about the bits i dont like and if anyone else is, tuff luck.

im never short of them wanting the bits i dont like .

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

maybe my willy is a bit shy just like me lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

peaches made a great point, why not try starting off with your own partner? Combine that with abstaining from alcohol and you I'm sure will be ok

go for it xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"peaches made a great point, why not try starting off with your own partner? Combine that with abstaining from alcohol and you I'm sure will be ok

go for it xx"

thats a very good suggestion, it may well get me relaxed and more prepared for the fun ahead, thanks for the suggestions guys

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

Try soft swing for a while, many couples will understand if you explain that you are new, that you would rather soft swing and IF you suddenly get a raging hard on, you can either use it on your wife or ask the other couple if they would like to full swap........ if they say no, it won't go to waste.

Or as View suggested, a cock ring when your wife has got you hard, may help.

Don't give up, it will cum in time!! (pun intended)

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Try soft swing for a while, many couples will understand if you explain that you are new, that you would rather soft swing and IF you suddenly get a raging hard on, you can either use it on your wife or ask the other couple if they would like to full swap........ if they say no, it won't go to waste.

Or as View suggested, a cock ring when your wife has got you hard, may help.

Don't give up, it will cum in time!! (pun intended)

yeah thanks, i have a new steel cock ring which i was thinking of trying at meets too, if my partner gets me hard hopefully this will help maintain my erection.

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By *prite128Woman
over a year ago

maidstone

maybe its the change of environment too ..i fell far less relaxed at home where i can imagine family members etc even when they arent there! It gets in my head , much like view described, and even tho I'm a girl it affects my performance .....might as well have seen some one sucking lemons lol

it is about being relaxed and _adchick has put just what i would have done about trying soft swing so you've removed all pressure completely ...and see what pops up in time

all credit to your courage for posting that and the great replies that this thread has produced xx

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By *artin216Man
over a year ago

Spilsby

I think you have a lot of good solid advice to work with here,

Im with the train of thought that you dont have to try so hard, the harder you try, the worse it can become,

Try the soft swing suggestions as above, or even try meeting with no intention of playing at all....god knows what could pop up...

brave post....hope it works out for you...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

thanks guys, ive got lots of good advice to go on, turned out to be a good thread and thanks to all for replying

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