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"In my experience the ladies are usually pretty forward in asking for another meet if they want one." • That's good to hear. 🩶 In my experience the ladies are usually amenable in •wanting• another meet, but the impetus always lies with me, inexplicably. | |||
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"It’s interesting to hear a man’s perspective on this. Reading OP’s post immediately made me realise that I always wait for the other person to suggest round 2/3/4 etc. Even when it’s been so good that I’ve craved more. I’m not sure why, possibly fear of rejection. Sounds silly writing it as I’m sure the other person also fears that to some extent. " This 👆👆 I make the assumption if they want to meet again they will say because I just assume they won't. | |||
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"That said if I want to meet someone again I will ask them, what’s the worse they can say?" • Indeed. But...why are YOU asking them? Hang fire and let them ask you. 🌿 | |||
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"That said if I want to meet someone again I will ask them, what’s the worse they can say? • Indeed. But...why are YOU asking them? Hang fire and let them ask you. 🌿" Asking them to meet again If you hang back who says you won’t be replaced or they think you’re not interested then the option to ask them has gone | |||
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"With certain people it’s always me asking 🙄 but I like it when it’s not just me taking the initiative." • What constitutes "certain people"? | |||
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"I usually ask. They usually say yes they want to. They never commit and we never see each other again. Maybe I’m bad at sex. I try not to overthink it. But I usually ask to see them again. I think the last person that was so forward with wanting to see me again I fell in love with. "• I think love is the danger. Love is the downfall. Love is a battlefield. I think... | |||
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"With certain people it’s always me asking 🙄 but I like it when it’s not just me taking the initiative. • What constitutes "certain people"? " That was me rolling my eyes at my on/off person. He is ‘certain people’ | |||
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"It’s interesting to hear a man’s perspective on this. Reading OP’s post immediately made me realise that I always wait for the other person to suggest round 2/3/4 etc. Even when it’s been so good that I’ve craved more. I’m not sure why, possibly fear of rejection. Sounds silly writing it as I’m sure the other person also fears that to some extent. " • That's a very compelling reply. Before I posted this thread I asked a forum friend to 'proof read' it and she opined, more or less, that most ladies are fearful of rejection (or feel the desire to be wanted). | |||
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"It’s interesting to hear a man’s perspective on this. Reading OP’s post immediately made me realise that I always wait for the other person to suggest round 2/3/4 etc. Even when it’s been so good that I’ve craved more. I’m not sure why, possibly fear of rejection. Sounds silly writing it as I’m sure the other person also fears that to some extent. · This 👆👆 I make the assumption if they want to meet again they will say because I just assume they won't. " • I had a social recently and pitched the subject of this thread with my 'date' (this thread isn't about her). Her response was that most (all?) women are apathetic or reticent when it comes to suggesting or proposing a follow up social or 'meet'. Although the reasons weren't entirely clear to me. | |||
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"Not sure Nero. I think in my experience it has been about 50/50 as to whom has suggested lets do this again. Sometimes, you just know this is going to be an ongoing thing" Yes this is my experience too. | |||
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"Me. It's me. I'm quite an excitable sort of woman and make it clear if I'd like to see someone again. When I know I want to. I sometimes wish people were the more proactive type with me. I know they're attracted to me etc but I tend to take on the organising role. It's why I really value when people plan things for me. It's really rare. Sadly after a bit of time I lose desire to keep planning and then say oh let's be friends. I'm also the kind of woman who insists on going at least halves. Proper nightmare stuff, me." • 'Losing the desire to keep planning' becomes a spectre for me. I totally get this. And if someone instigated things, just for once, for the sake of variety, I would be appreciative, elated and hold much value on that gesture. | |||
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"I make it clear before even the social that I'm looking for something ongoing. " • ...but who instigates and facilitates the ongoing 'meets'? | |||
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"That said if I want to meet someone again I will ask them, what’s the worse they can say? • Indeed. But...why are YOU asking them? Hang fire and let them ask you. 🌿 Asking them to meet again If you hang back who says you won’t be replaced or they think you’re not interested then the option to ask them has gone " • Equally so if •they• hang back they could also be replaced because of their inactions. | |||
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"I make it clear before even the social that I'm looking for something ongoing. " But surely you won't know if you like them enough to repeat until that initial social?. | |||
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"Ah Nero, I'm so shit the first time I never get asked to meet again. Plus multiple meets with the same guy, how boring. " • You have your legions and cohorts of admirers. They are cravin' for some Raven. 💐 | |||
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"She does...she always asks for more 👀 👅" • 🙂🩶 | |||
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"With certain people it’s always me asking 🙄 but I like it when it’s not just me taking the initiative. • What constitutes "certain people"? · That was me rolling my eyes at my on/off person. He is ‘certain people’ " • Ah, sorry I didn't notice your eye rolling emoji the first time around.  | |||
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"With certain people it’s always me asking 🙄 but I like it when it’s not just me taking the initiative. • What constitutes "certain people"? · That was me rolling my eyes at my on/off person. He is ‘certain people’ • Ah, sorry I didn't notice your eye rolling emoji the first time around. "If I want it, I don’t mind asking to get it. | |||
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"Hmm. It's mostly a proximity and logistics issue for me. I absolutely hate organising travel and accomodation and dog care and all the things. But I live in the middle of nowhere. And if I ask, I have to plan it all from scratch, which I fucking hate doing. The when, the where, the everything. So, anyone who isn't within a reasonable driving distance (them driving, because I don't) is unlikely to have me initiate plans to meet up again. If they come to me with a plan of action so all I have to do is work to their schedule, I'm good with that if I can make it work. I initiate meeting up with my local people though, because I can do that on a whim if free time appears or I can plan a regular thing into my week for them 💜" • Prêy, a valid summation and I can understand the constraints you face. This is one clear cut example on why some people aren't able to commit due to logistical factors. | |||
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"Not sure Nero. I think in my experience it has been about 50/50 as to whom has suggested lets do this again. Sometimes, you just know this is going to be an ongoing thing" • I'm really delighted to hear this, that it works for you 50/50. I also know it's going to be an ongoing thing...but the onus always rests with me to keep it ongoing. | |||
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"I met with someone recently and we both expressed interest to meet again. I initiated contact again but I guess it’s a case by case, isn’t it? " • For some I accept it's a case by case but, as I alluded to, it's not a case by case for me: I initiate/instigate every time. The outcome is always fruitful, but that's on the back of me 'doing the do'. 🙂 | |||
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"'Losing the desire to keep planning' becomes a spectre for me. I totally get this. And if someone instigated things, just for once, for the sake of variety, I would be appreciative, elated and hold much value on that gesture." Yes. It doesn't mean someone's not interested because they're not the one doing the planning. I said above that I know they're attracted to me. People let me know in so many ways that they're interested. Some are better at planning, others doing. I have a wonderful platonic friend who is a trainwreck when it comes to planning. I love planning and seeing her so we make it work. When it comes to Fab I appreciate the rare times people have planned for me. Does it mean I dislike organising things? No. I love it. Threesomes in country hotels, spa breaks with lovers, little City dalliances... you get the idea. But it would be nice to not do it at the same time. | |||
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"I ask, they say no, I have to steal their dog... It all gets so ugly so I don't bother." • What if you waited until they asked first? | |||
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"I must admit I don't usually ask, I'm shit at putting myself 'put there' I never think that they are that into me, so unless they make the first move I always assume the worst "• I would say that appears to be the prevailing theme here. 🩶 | |||
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"I must admit I don't usually ask, I'm shit at putting myself 'put there' I never think that they are that into me, so unless they make the first move I always assume the worst
•
I would say that appears to be the prevailing theme here. 🩶"The downfalls of anxiety and overthinking | |||
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"I am a woman who says that first. I don't do playing games or being coy or whatever. I'm also not afraid of being rejected. What has happened many MANY times in my personal experience is that men misinterpret me being forthright with me being, well who knows what to label it. It goes like this: Me: that was fun, I'd like to do it again some time, would you? Man: OMG SHE HAS FEELINGS FOR ME MAYBE IS ACTUALLY IN LOVE WITH ME OMG I MUST COMMENCE SHIT COMMUNICATION, BECOME VAGUE AND CAGEY DURING ALL FUTURE INTERACTIONS, AND PROBABLY ACTUALLY NEVER SEE HER AGAIN BCOS IT'S SO RISKY AND WOMEN ARE SOOOOO EMOTIONAL. Me: uh no. It's just sex, I've no interest in you romantically. Man: OMG WOMEN ALWAYS CATCH FEELINGS WHAT THE HELL "There are some of us males who are not concerned if a woman catches feels and can vocalise that without offending but would like to meet again for purely physical gratification. You'll have heard it in many different variations but there are men who don't give a flying fuck how you feel as long as the sex is  | |||
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Delights of having been brought up in macho LatAm and me age 🤣🤣😇 👵🏻 | |||
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"I won’t ask for another liaison… always wait to be asked. You never chase- you have to be chased. Proper lady and all that.
Delights of having been brought up in macho LatAm and me age 🤣🤣😇 👵🏻 "• Which pretty much corroborates what Andymac888 said earlier on... ^ I suspect this might be the case with some other women too. | |||
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" There are some of us males who are not concerned if a woman catches feels and can vocalise that without offending but would like to meet again for purely physical gratification. You'll have heard it in many different variations but there are men who don't give a flying fuck how you feel as long as the sex is "I think you've missed the point. In these scenarios I don't have feelings for the men. They just assume, incorrectly, that I do because i am a woman. I'm talking about scenarios where I want to fuck, and fuck only. Yet time and time again, men respond AS IF i had said i had romantic feelings, which i neither said nor felt. | |||
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"Interesting topic for contemplation.. From personal experience, i would say initial meets have usually been initiated by the other party and that also goes for any subsequent meets if they have turned into something more regular. I'm not the type to 'push' for a further rendezvous at the fear of coming across as a pest/burden, therefore i will often assess the waters and let them make their move ♟ Too much empathy is a dredge on the soul.." • Then your experiences appear to buck the trend. You mentioned "initial meets" - in my experience this has been a 50/50 situation for a first social. Subsequent 'meets': ergo this thread. Suggesting a meet isn't necessary being "pushy". When would a "push" be benign enough to be considered as an "ask"? I'm still not sold on your answer. 🩶 | |||
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