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Do people remember when the forum

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By *ools and the brain OP   Couple
24 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

Used to be tremendously busy, thread's in the lounge would fly by, and popular posters thread's would fill up very quickly.

Saturday night quiz night, lot's of mild arguments some banter plenty of time outs, but never a dull moment.

Things have changed so much in the past few years it's like pulling teeth on here at times it's so slow.

Lockdown changed things but so many people have left it's definitely not as fun as it was.

I wonder what the long time members think and maybe moderators has it become more difficult to moderate with people getting more easily offended now or has it always been the same?

Thoughts?

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

Agree, it's a dive lately. One of the main things the drew me back to fab was the forum, and some of the characters I recalled from 2015/2016. I rejoined last year and I thought it was dead then, nothing compared to now!

It's been discussed a few times lately and I really think some people worry that giving their opinion, or heaven forbid, having a laugh will get them either a time out or targeted by other posters. I'd definitely say it's not as inclusive or welcoming anymore.

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By *eoBloomsMan
24 weeks ago

Springfield

I think you are right about the loss of enjoyable threads and probably a few reasons:

Interesting and funny people who were very active in lockdown drifting back to normal life.

Alternative spaces, private groups, other Apps.

Too many political and social issue threads in the Lounge, a huge turn off for many people.

A small but active group who are very intolerant of alternative opinions and work hard to drive those who voice them away.

But it's also no big deal. No one is forced to be here so if its become boring we only have ourselves to blame for hanging about! 🤦‍♂️

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By *eoBloomsMan
24 weeks ago

Springfield


"Agree, it's a dive lately. One of the main things the drew me back to fab was the forum, and some of the characters I recalled from 2015/2016. I rejoined last year and I thought it was dead then, nothing compared to now!

"

Give it another year Bella ! 🤣

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By *oeBeansMan
24 weeks ago

Derby


"I think you are right about the loss of enjoyable threads and probably a few reasons:

Interesting and funny people who were very active in lockdown drifting back to normal life.

Alternative spaces, private groups, other Apps.

Too many political and social issue threads in the Lounge, a huge turn off for many people.

A small but active group who are very intolerant of alternative opinions and work hard to drive those who voice them away.

But it's also no big deal. No one is forced to be here so if its become boring we only have ourselves to blame for hanging about! 🤦‍♂️"

I get what you mean, I think regardless of what side of the political and social spectrum you find yourself on, it's probably more divisive than it's been in my lifetime at least which can lead to people walking on eggshells and people from both sides shouting each other down. Maybe that's been reflected in how busy the forums are.

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By *ools and the brain OP   Couple
24 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

[Removed by poster at 01/03/25 17:06:00]

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
24 weeks ago

little house on the praire

I remember the old forums where only about 12 people in total used to post. These forums are taken over by a small percent and others posts get lost

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By *urry BlokeMan
24 weeks ago

When I first joined back in 2010-11ish, the forums were a hoot

They were a joy to spend time in

The people in them a joy to spend time with

My inbox was never empty, mainly chatting with folk from the forums

Here's the thing though

Have the forums changed? Most definitely

But...

I have also changed. A lot.

So, I can't lay all the fault at the feet of newer forumites, cos I am, by far and large, past all the fuss

I just don't care enough about those who post and, perhaps more importantly, how and what they post.

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By *ealitybitesMan
24 weeks ago

Belfast

I've been using the forums for about 6 years and I think "popularity" is a big factor in changes.

Some of those popular posters are no longer contributing simply because they can't.

As moderators have told us often enough, no-one can get someone banned from the forums, only their own words can do that.

Therefore that drive to be popular means they have crossed the lines and been removed and as far as I'm concerned that's a positive.

I agree that it can be drab and dreary at times but I have started approx 200 threads in my time here and am reluctant to do so anymore mainly because of the underlying need to turn everything political or weaponise what is often a light hearted thread or someone genuinely trying to find answers.

There are a core group who keep the fires burning and even though I contribute to very few of their threads, I applaud their efforts.

There are also unfortunately a small but significant group who feel the need to launch stealth bombs and then play the victim card.

Anyone paying attention will know exactly who the first responders will be in those threads.

It's not an open or inviting place for newbies and I would hazard a guess that the numbers of those lurking without commenting has increased because they just don't want the hassle.

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By *ools and the brain OP   Couple
24 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.


"I've been using the forums for about 6 years and I think "popularity" is a big factor in changes.

Some of those popular posters are no longer contributing simply because they can't.

As moderators have told us often enough, no-one can get someone banned from the forums, only their own words can do that.

Therefore that drive to be popular means they have crossed the lines and been removed and as far as I'm concerned that's a positive.

I agree that it can be drab and dreary at times but I have started approx 200 threads in my time here and am reluctant to do so anymore mainly because of the underlying need to turn everything political or weaponise what is often a light hearted thread or someone genuinely trying to find answers.

There are a core group who keep the fires burning and even though I contribute to very few of their threads, I applaud their efforts.

There are also unfortunately a small but significant group who feel the need to launch stealth bombs and then play the victim card.

Anyone paying attention will know exactly who the first responders will be in those threads.

It's not an open or inviting place for newbies and I would hazard a guess that the numbers of those lurking without commenting has increased because they just don't want the hassle. "

100% agree

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By *eoBloomsMan
24 weeks ago

Springfield


"[Removed by poster at 01/03/25 17:06:00]"

I saw that and you're not boring at all Jools !

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By *ad NannaWoman
24 weeks ago

East London

I used to have a very enjoyable experience of the forums when I started using them over a decade ago.

There were some hilarious characters back then who weren't always looking for an argument or to let people know their opinions are more valid.

I've changed a lot, so I probably view the threads differently and can't be bothered to join in, most of the time.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
24 weeks ago

Central

It always goes through fluctuations, some shorter term, others over longer periods. We can each contribute, to help it to be the forum that we want. I've been using it for 15 years and a slower pace can be refreshing

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By *ellinever70Woman
24 weeks ago

Ayrshire

I think the lounge specifically is nicer without the influx of fast paced 'fun' threads that a mostly regular bunch would commandeer.

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago


"

But it's also no big deal. No one is forced to be here so if its become boring we only have ourselves to blame for hanging about! 🤦‍♂️"

This is true, I am toyinh with the idea of joining unlos. But I have 2 weeks worth of site supporter left that I've paid for so I'll see after that

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By *midnight-Woman
24 weeks ago

...

I think the biggest change is that we now have a games forum.. prior to pick down the lounge was full of fast moving games.

Posters come and go -You've gotta ask yourself how much effort are you willing to put in, to cultivate a culture and community ❤️😎

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By *bi HaiveMan
24 weeks ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I've not noticed any changes really since 2008.

People come, people go, there's new favourites, new regular posters, new lurkers, new fall outs and spates of angst. It's all largely the same with different faces.

As for is it harder to moderate? Wouldn't know as I've not been doing it long enough to judge. Anyone who's been here a while will have at some point probably crossed a line or two (I'll put my hands up to that a few years back) and suffered the consequences. But yes - only people themselves can get themselves in trouble, nobody else. Rules are after all rules and they're there for all to see.

If people think the forums have changed I'd agree with some that it's as likely they've changed themselves and the changing population will of course influence their viewpoints.

I don't miss the days of constant bun fights at all.

Maybe I'm just a little older and a little wiser now, and don't get baited, wound up and tempted to react as much anymore. It's a much more peaceful existence for sure. 🤷‍♂️

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By *obilebottomMan
24 weeks ago

All over

I do threads to pass the time and also as accessible to everyone as poss - I admit mainly around food but so be it. If I see a thread I want to comment, I do and try to keep it inoffensive and light. Suits me but may not be for others. They can do their own thing. Goodness know life is hard enough, for me the forums are often an escape. The hard hitting bait threads are not for me though they can occasionally be very revealing about people and who I may want to keep my distance from. And then there is the clique, though they seem to have mostly gone quiet at the moment. Just joking of course, there is no clique. Love and peace to all

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By *viatrixWoman
24 weeks ago

Redhill


"I think the lounge specifically is nicer without the influx of fast paced 'fun' threads that a mostly regular bunch would commandeer.

"

Absolutely!!!

Thank youuuuuu for the games section 🙌🏻

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
24 weeks ago

Chichester


"Used to be tremendously busy, thread's in the lounge would fly by, and popular posters thread's would fill up very quickly.

Saturday night quiz night, lot's of mild arguments some banter plenty of time outs, but never a dull moment.

Things have changed so much in the past few years it's like pulling teeth on here at times it's so slow.

Lockdown changed things but so many people have left it's definitely not as fun as it was.

I wonder what the long time members think and maybe moderators has it become more difficult to moderate with people getting more easily offended now or has it always been the same?

Thoughts?"

Agree

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

People being ‘easily offended’ shouldn’t impact moderating and I doubt it does.

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago


"I think you are right about the loss of enjoyable threads and probably a few reasons:

Interesting and funny people who were very active in lockdown drifting back to normal life.

Alternative spaces, private groups, other Apps.

Too many political and social issue threads in the Lounge, a huge turn off for many people.

A small but active group who are very intolerant of alternative opinions and work hard to drive those who voice them away.

But it's also no big deal. No one is forced to be here so if it’s become boring we only have ourselves to blame for hanging about! 🤦‍♂️"
lockdown was the same for those threads in the lounge. Especially when there were BLM protests and posters in here said absolutely abhorrent things.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
24 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I disagree. People have been saying this sort of thing for years, including in the 'good old days'. So I doubt that anything has really changed

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By *upersonic SamMan
24 weeks ago

wigan


"Agree, it's a dive lately. One of the main things the drew me back to fab was the forum, and some of the characters I recalled from 2015/2016. I rejoined last year and I thought it was dead then, nothing compared to now!

It's been discussed a few times lately and I really think some people worry that giving their opinion, or heaven forbid, having a laugh will get them either a time out or targeted by other posters. I'd definitely say it's not as inclusive or welcoming anymore. "

I've had more sex on the Fab naughty step than anywhere else

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
24 weeks ago

East Sussex

It's not more difficult to moderate because the rules are the same.

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By *ools and the brain OP   Couple
24 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.


"I disagree. People have been saying this sort of thing for years, including in the 'good old days'. So I doubt that anything has really changed "

Your Titz have gotten bigger?

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By *issmorganWoman
24 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

I think some of the threads have changed. There's many more where men are looking to chat about their wives, swap their pics or underwear and that puts me off.

Also I feel more lurkers will send dms nowadays, when they've not contributed to the thread.

Often they just want to get themselves off or be creepy in these messages.

That's off putting too and limits which threads I'd comment on.

At the min I have my filters age 85 upwards, so it's nice and peaceful.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
24 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts


"I disagree. People have been saying this sort of thing for years, including in the 'good old days'. So I doubt that anything has really changed

Your Titz have gotten bigger?

"

Naturally

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By *eroLondonMan
24 weeks ago

Soho

The moderation of threads doesn't concern me. I rarely create threads these days. The fora is well and truly alive but I'll question the diversity and the banality.

I created five 'lifestyle' threads the other week but they gained little traction because most people found the "who's wanking right now" more appealing and interesting. That says a lot more about the audience and the participants as opposed to 'popularity'.

From past experiences I tried to inject unique threads, threads which gave some variety to the fora. Within 15 minutes those threads languished on page 3 of the lounge. This wasn't down to their unpopularity or because of the lack of responses, it was more about the usual suspects flooding and saturating the forum with regurgitated threads. A 'green arrow' on some of the posters would reveal that they had 'contributed' approximately 25 threads in the last 24 hours!

What this means is that I'm left feeling disenfranchised and wondering if it's really worth it. It's hard to be candid about such things without it not coming across as sour grapes.

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By *ealitybitesMan
24 weeks ago

Belfast


"The moderation of threads doesn't concern me. I rarely create threads these days. The fora is well and truly alive but I'll question the diversity and the banality.

I created five 'lifestyle' threads the other week but they gained little traction because most people found the "who's wanking right now" more appealing and interesting. That says a lot more about the audience and the participants as opposed to 'popularity'.

From past experiences I tried to inject unique threads, threads which gave some variety to the fora. Within 15 minutes those threads languished on page 3 of the lounge. This wasn't down to their unpopularity or because of the lack of responses, it was more about the usual suspects flooding and saturating the forum with regurgitated threads. A 'green arrow' on some of the posters would reveal that they had 'contributed' approximately 25 threads in the last 24 hours!

What this means is that I'm left feeling disenfranchised and wondering if it's really worth it. It's hard to be candid about such things without it not coming across as sour grapes."

You were one of the posters I was applauding above because your threads are often unique but as much as I enjoy the forums in general I am feeling the slow drift towards the land of the lurkers.

I can scroll down the entirety of the first page in the lounge some days and not even open a single thread.

That decision is sometimes down to thread titles that I have no interest in or the blunderbus approach of those who need to be relevant every day with multiples of multiple threads.

I reached a stage a while back where I sometimes post just to remind others that I haven't gone away in spite of their sterling efforts.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
24 weeks ago

North West


"I think some of the threads have changed. There's many more where men are looking to chat about their wives, swap their pics or underwear and that puts me off.

Also I feel more lurkers will send dms nowadays, when they've not contributed to the thread.

Often they just want to get themselves off or be creepy in these messages.

That's off putting too and limits which threads I'd comment on.

At the min I have my filters age 85 upwards, so it's nice and peaceful. "

You might get lots of offers from the nearest care home

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By *herrybakewellCouple
24 weeks ago

Staffordshire

Was there a time when it wasn't full of threads show men so insecure about the size of their dick?

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By *ife NinjaMan
24 weeks ago

Dunfermline


"Was there a time when it wasn't full of threads show men so insecure about the size of their dick? "

Mines average, and that's just fine with me 👍🤓

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By *icolerobbieCouple
24 weeks ago

walsall

I think people are too quick to pile on when new posters post.

It’s usually the same profiles, as though they lie in wait ready to be pounce. I’m sure they put people off starting threads.

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
24 weeks ago

North West

That's before my time. But job and life changes mean I have much less time to post on here. It does feel like the Lounge is going through an extra quiet phase right now though.

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By *rHotNottsMan
24 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I only found the forum during Covid so nothing to compare it to.

I don’t really care about who is a popular poster / attention seeker or who’s been banned or who is having a hissy fit with who , these are like the naughty children in a school, you just have to tolerate them and if you ignore them eventually they go away.

Not all popular posters are bad, some of them

Keep the cogs turning with trivial nonsense that’s funny once in a while.

I think it’s alright, works for me , meet some lovely people and amuse myself …. that’s what I’m here for.

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By *hitney NeilWoman
24 weeks ago

Hiding in a marmite jar near you.

Yes I definitely do

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By *allnHandsome12Man
24 weeks ago

Teesside


"Agree, it's a dive lately. One of the main things the drew me back to fab was the forum, and some of the characters I recalled from 2015/2016. I rejoined last year and I thought it was dead then, nothing compared to now!

It's been discussed a few times lately and I really think some people worry that giving their opinion, or heaven forbid, having a laugh will get them either a time out or targeted by other posters. I'd definitely say it's not as inclusive or welcoming anymore. "

I’m only newish to the forum but this quote to me reflects society as a whole over the last 10 years. We are more divided, nuance and context has been lost and it seems you have to be one side or the other. So I’m wondering has the forum and the site itself developed as society has?

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
24 weeks ago

Den of Iniquity


"I think you are right about the loss of enjoyable threads and probably a few reasons:

Interesting and funny people who were very active in lockdown drifting back to normal life.

Alternative spaces, private groups, other Apps.

Too many political and social issue threads in the Lounge, a huge turn off for many people.

A small but active group who are very intolerant of alternative opinions and work hard to drive those who voice them away.

But it's also no big deal. No one is forced to be here so if its become boring we only have ourselves to blame for hanging about! 🤦‍♂️"

All true .. I occasionally have a peek still to see if it's improved

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
24 weeks ago

BRIDPORT

I spent ages writing a comment, but couldn’t make it say what I was trying to convey and then just thought, fuck it , and deleted it.

Is this kind of apathy killing the forum, are people not posting because they think they’ll get stick for their comments, or can people just not be bothered with it all? 🤷🏻‍♂️

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
24 weeks ago

Den of Iniquity


"I spent ages writing a comment, but couldn’t make it say what I was trying to convey and then just thought, fuck it , and deleted it.

Is this kind of apathy killing the forum, are people not posting because they think they’ll get stick for their comments, or can people just not be bothered with it all? 🤷🏻‍♂️"

Both with me

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

Do people remember when [thing that naturally changes over time that has changed over time] used to be [what thing was years ago]?

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

The forum probably did have more engagement when I first had an account about 7 years ago.

However I still tend to just be here for the forum despite it being less of a force compared to how it was.

..these days I'm just chatting about films, music and joking around on here. Occasionally I'll start a thread with more philosophical depth and am interested in the advice of others.

I actually do read the politics forum, but very rarely write anything in there.

I've found that I much prefer talking politics in person with folks rather than online.

At this point I actually wouldn't even class myself as a swinger.. I'm just here to mingle in the forum..

.

I guess in the same way I always go outside and talk to smokers, because they're interesting people, even though I don't smoke myself.

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By *a LunaWoman
24 weeks ago

o o OO o o

There are less deep and meaningful threads but I think the forums are just quieter and less drama and angst filled.

There are still a few witty folk about that I enjoy reading.

If everything stayed the same it would stagnate.

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By *fffunCouple
24 weeks ago

Somewhere just outside London

I only just discovered the forum and the fun you can have with the games, like the word ones, fab pics, stick twist, what would you do... Simple entertainment... So I can't compare to before my I know I'm enjoying the games part x

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By *eoBloomsMan
24 weeks ago

Springfield


"

Posters come and go -You've gotta ask yourself how much effort are you willing to put in, to cultivate a culture and community ❤️😎"

I get that but as Nero says earlier, it soon gets dispiriting to start threads that get ignored or derailed. I no longer start them for that reason.

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By *elvet RopeMan
24 weeks ago

by the big field

Main problem with the Fab forum is the small band of cause junkies jumping on anything that strays outside of their sphere of acceptance or that gives them the opportunity to be offended on someones behalf, who have slowly sucked the joy and banter out of this and life in general.

Been round this for 20 years this month, it used to be so much fun- the piss taking, insults and general ragging of each other was non stop, but never taken seriously- the parties were epic and the moment we had a man down, you had dozens of people shoulder to shoulder with you to help. Weddings, far too many funerals and even a national missing person search i've witnessed.

Somewhere along the way, things stopped being an online swinging community and morphed in to a meat market- social media has also changed the world massively and not really for the best...anyone got a time machine i can borrow, i'll bring it back yesterday?c

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago


"Main problem with the Fab forum is the small band of cause junkies jumping on anything that strays outside of their sphere of acceptance or that gives them the opportunity to be offended on someones behalf, who have slowly sucked the joy and banter out of this and life in general.

Been round this for 20 years this month, it used to be so much fun- the piss taking, insults and general ragging of each other was non stop, but never taken seriously- the parties were epic and the moment we had a man down, you had dozens of people shoulder to shoulder with you to help. Weddings, far too many funerals and even a national missing person search i've witnessed.

Somewhere along the way, things stopped being an online swinging community and morphed in to a meat market- social media has also changed the world massively and not really for the best...anyone got a time machine i can borrow, i'll bring it back yesterday?c "

Spot on mate, can barely say fuck all in in jest without it being jumped on, these same “be nice to all” types more than happy to call you whatever just for daring to have a different view to theirs

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By *ools and the brain OP   Couple
24 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.


"Main problem with the Fab forum is the small band of cause junkies jumping on anything that strays outside of their sphere of acceptance or that gives them the opportunity to be offended on someones behalf, who have slowly sucked the joy and banter out of this and life in general.

Been round this for 20 years this month, it used to be so much fun- the piss taking, insults and general ragging of each other was non stop, but never taken seriously- the parties were epic and the moment we had a man down, you had dozens of people shoulder to shoulder with you to help. Weddings, far too many funerals and even a national missing person search i've witnessed.

Somewhere along the way, things stopped being an online swinging community and morphed in to a meat market- social media has also changed the world massively and not really for the best...anyone got a time machine i can borrow, i'll bring it back yesterday?c "

Couldn't have put it better myself.

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By *allnHandsome12Man
24 weeks ago

Teesside

The fact most threads have the usual posters responding to the same people they always do and ignoring newer perspectives or observations is also probably a contributing factor to the lack of community feeling.

There are a few people who engage with the wider users but they seem to be the minority of threads.

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By *eoBloomsMan
24 weeks ago

Springfield


"The fact most threads have the usual posters responding to the same people they always do and ignoring newer perspectives or observations is also probably a contributing factor to the lack of community feeling.

There are a few people who engage with the wider users but they seem to be the minority of threads."

Shout out to Mobilebottom and Minxy777 who include everyone in their threads.

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By *allnHandsome12Man
24 weeks ago

Teesside


"The fact most threads have the usual posters responding to the same people they always do and ignoring newer perspectives or observations is also probably a contributing factor to the lack of community feeling.

There are a few people who engage with the wider users but they seem to be the minority of threads.

Shout out to Mobilebottom and Minxy777 who include everyone in their threads. "

Yep, those 2 and a few others do. I don’t want to name names and end up excluding people but themselves and Nero definitely spring to mind.

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By *rdere OpusCouple
24 weeks ago

Brum - ish


"The fact most threads have the usual posters responding to the same people they always do and ignoring newer perspectives or observations is also probably a contributing factor to the lack of community feeling.

There are a few people who engage with the wider users but they seem to be the minority of threads.

Shout out to Mobilebottom and Minxy777 who include everyone in their threads. "

I’ve always thought Midnight is good for this too.

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By *os_GoddessofdawnWoman
24 weeks ago

In the clouds

Yep it was good..Niw I barely comment

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By *os_GoddessofdawnWoman
24 weeks ago

In the clouds


"Yep it was good..Niw I barely comment "

*now

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
24 weeks ago

A den in the Glen


"The fact most threads have the usual posters responding to the same people they always do and ignoring newer perspectives or observations is also probably a contributing factor to the lack of community feeling.

There are a few people who engage with the wider users but they seem to be the minority of threads.

Shout out to Mobilebottom and Minxy777 who include everyone in their threads.

I’ve always thought Midnight is good for this too. "

And LLB, but even she's backed off.

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By *eoBloomsMan
24 weeks ago

Springfield


"The fact most threads have the usual posters responding to the same people they always do and ignoring newer perspectives or observations is also probably a contributing factor to the lack of community feeling.

There are a few people who engage with the wider users but they seem to be the minority of threads.

Shout out to Mobilebottom and Minxy777 who include everyone in their threads.

I’ve always thought Midnight is good for this too. "

Absolutely!

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By *eoBloomsMan
24 weeks ago

Springfield


"The fact most threads have the usual posters responding to the same people they always do and ignoring newer perspectives or observations is also probably a contributing factor to the lack of community feeling.

There are a few people who engage with the wider users but they seem to be the minority of threads.

Shout out to Mobilebottom and Minxy777 who include everyone in their threads.

I’ve always thought Midnight is good for this too.

And LLB, but even she's backed off."

Also Now I've mentioned names I'll probably get accused of excluding people.🤦‍♂️ Not my intention.

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By *rdere OpusCouple
24 weeks ago

Brum - ish


"The fact most threads have the usual posters responding to the same people they always do and ignoring newer perspectives or observations is also probably a contributing factor to the lack of community feeling.

There are a few people who engage with the wider users but they seem to be the minority of threads.

Shout out to Mobilebottom and Minxy777 who include everyone in their threads.

I’ve always thought Midnight is good for this too.

And LLB, but even she's backed off.

Also Now I've mentioned names I'll probably get accused of excluding people.🤦‍♂️ Not my intention."

Disclaimer - for the avoidance of doubt, others have also been known to display the same positive behaviours.

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By *eoBloomsMan
24 weeks ago

Springfield


"The fact most threads have the usual posters responding to the same people they always do and ignoring newer perspectives or observations is also probably a contributing factor to the lack of community feeling.

There are a few people who engage with the wider users but they seem to be the minority of threads.

Shout out to Mobilebottom and Minxy777 who include everyone in their threads.

I’ve always thought Midnight is good for this too.

And LLB, but even she's backed off.

Also Now I've mentioned names I'll probably get accused of excluding people.🤦‍♂️ Not my intention.

Disclaimer - for the avoidance of doubt, others have also been known to display the same positive behaviours. "

🎯

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago


"The fact most threads have the usual posters responding to the same people they always do and ignoring newer perspectives or observations is also probably a contributing factor to the lack of community feeling.

There are a few people who engage with the wider users but they seem to be the minority of threads.

Shout out to Mobilebottom and Minxy777 who include everyone in their threads.

I’ve always thought Midnight is good for this too.

And LLB, but even she's backed off.

Also Now I've mentioned names I'll probably get accused of excluding people.🤦‍♂️ Not my intention."

There are a few that do. And in all fairness it takes some dedication!

I start a thread with good intentions but then life gets in the way and I forget to check back

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By *hil most chillMan
24 weeks ago

London, South East & Europe

This place is still incredibly busy. Compared to many other places online, this place is very active. You may just be disappointed that the replies done address you directly

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By *issilia AmoriWoman
24 weeks ago

St Albans/ North Welsh Borders


"Used to be tremendously busy, thread's in the lounge would fly by, and popular posters thread's would fill up very quickly.

Saturday night quiz night, lot's of mild arguments some banter plenty of time outs, but never a dull moment.

Things have changed so much in the past few years it's like pulling teeth on here at times it's so slow.

Lockdown changed things but so many people have left it's definitely not as fun as it was.

I wonder what the long time members think and maybe moderators has it become more difficult to moderate with people getting more easily offended now or has it always been the same?

Thoughts?"

I don't post as much as I used too....The Forum isn't as friendly as it used to be at all.

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By *sWyldWoman
24 weeks ago

Edinburgh

Like everything in life ,it's what you make it .

Don't like certain topics, then scroll by or start one that interests you .

I've been around since 2012 and the forums evolve all the time . I dip in and out these days and manage to miss most of the 'forum politics and drama'

I also just choose to avoid negativity.

That's actually the main reason I rarely venture in the Scotland forum these days. It used to be a fun place back in the day. However people move on and things change.

Ultimately it's strangers on the Internet, if you're lucky they might become friends.

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By *es not the MessiahMan
24 weeks ago

3rd rock from the sun

Before my time I'm afraid

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
24 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle


"I think the lounge specifically is nicer without the influx of fast paced 'fun' threads that a mostly regular bunch would commandeer.

"

What 'fun' threads ? Do you mean the yes/no type of thread ?

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By *electableicecreamMan
24 weeks ago

The West

I really appreciate those who keep it lit, even if I don't contribute to those particular threads. They are really important to an inclusive culture in a place like this.

I mostly roll my eyes at the posters who just throw up the first thought in their head a few times a day. We all know who those kids were in school.

The usual suspects and their chilling effect on newcomer's is just a bit sad really. There's no need to derail or dominate just to have a laugh with your internet mates.

All in all that's forums though.

Ya can't get your knickers in a twist if your not wearing any!

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By *midnight-Woman
24 weeks ago

...


"Like everything in life ,it's what you make it .

Don't like certain topics, then scroll by or start one that interests you .

I've been around since 2012 and the forums evolve all the time . I dip in and out these days and manage to miss most of the 'forum politics and drama'

I also just choose to avoid negativity.

That's actually the main reason I rarely venture in the Scotland forum these days. It used to be a fun place back in the day. However people move on and things change.

Ultimately it's strangers on the Internet, if you're lucky they might become friends. "

100%

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By *tephanjMan
24 weeks ago

Kettering

I'm a part time user but things have changed a lot. I think I also get judged due to my age. I'm still young at heart

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

As you know I post a lot. Still enjoy the forum . I hope that I am inclusive . I never try to offend just light hearted fun gets you through life .

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By *ildbillkidMan
23 weeks ago

where the road goes on forever

Back when , the nocturnal, the host and hostess's included everyone

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
23 weeks ago

Den of Iniquity


"As you know I post a lot. Still enjoy the forum . I hope that I am inclusive . I never try to offend just light hearted fun gets you through life . "

Dude you're my kind of Forum user .. Always fun threads and great subject matter ❤️

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By *ea monkeyMan
23 weeks ago

Manchester (he/him)

I’ve been around for a long time, long enough to see this ‘situation’ occur three or four times.

Everything is cyclical on the forums, things happen over and over, popularity rises and falls, people come and go.

The thing is that nostalgia is always rose coloured and hindsight is always sepia tinted, it’s very common to forget trials, issues and problems in the past

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By *eoBloomsMan
23 weeks ago

Springfield


"As you know I post a lot. Still enjoy the forum . I hope that I am inclusive . I never try to offend just light hearted fun gets you through life .

Dude you're my kind of Forum user .. Always fun threads and great subject matter ❤️"

Well said. I call him Bossman

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
23 weeks ago

Den of Iniquity


"As you know I post a lot. Still enjoy the forum . I hope that I am inclusive . I never try to offend just light hearted fun gets you through life .

Dude you're my kind of Forum user .. Always fun threads and great subject matter ❤️

Well said. I call him Bossman "

Indeed Mr Blooms

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By *orcsmatMan
23 weeks ago

Kidderminster

It's like Skype. That's being withdrawn because of migration to other apps.

Same here.

Love this site, prefer FabGuys, but it suits me at the moment.

Or, it could be due to the poor attentionv spam tik tok generation.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
23 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle


"Used to be tremendously busy, thread's in the lounge would fly by, and popular posters thread's would fill up very quickly.

Saturday night quiz night, lot's of mild arguments some banter plenty of time outs, but never a dull moment.

Things have changed so much in the past few years it's like pulling teeth on here at times it's so slow.

Lockdown changed things but so many people have left it's definitely not as fun as it was.

I wonder what the long time members think and maybe moderators has it become more difficult to moderate with people getting more easily offended now or has it always been the same?

Thoughts?"

I know some people claim to have been here 20 years but that's impossible and for quite a good reason but one or two people are not far off two decades.

I used to enjoy the lounge a lot more - I still enjoy it a little and there are quite a lot of reasons , I guess for everybody, why the way I sense the lounge differs over the years.

What began as an internet site for swingers to use for a variety of reasons metamorphed into a pocket mobile site that is used by anyone anywhere who wants to use it - not just earnest swingers / those open to more casual sex. People no longer had to be at home or in the office alone. They access at any given moment in their day and their user habits became akin to shallow feeders or scavengers like foxes , a bit here and and a bit there.

This had the effect of diluting the sense of community where users understood the others attitude to sex as a human freedom and changing the ethos from those with that shared interest to someone yelling on the street gizza shag, see my knob! Show us ya tits every five minutes. For me the place changed ( i'm talking forum ) from a place where space and time were needed in a secure place and for which people set aside some time to a 24/7 fish pond where people bob in , quack , and bob out.

That's only one reason and I cba with the rest apart from listing them. 1. It's not the novelty or the taboo it used to be. 2. It's been replicated many times over so there is far more choice. 3. What was once 'undercover' is now spoken about more openly and people have less need for such sites / the forum. 4. Society changes and this is a biggy for me..... the fucking perpetual do gooders and whiners and professionally ill and defenseless, have given communities and societies the inability to speak their truth, whilst the fabricated 'hurt' without substantiation is given precedence. Try passing an open , honest , respectful opinion and watch the eternally offended scream and kick, one after the other as if they have been given the right to cry hurt with impunity ...... oh wait...... they have and I believe the internet is probably one of their final few screaming places as society wakes up to the adverse effects of going too far.

Enough already,

In brief the people AND the way people use the forums have changed.

I miss the bright people, the funny pleasant , caring , opinionated forum users whose personalities you could feel through the ether.

It never used to feel like Samaritans in the past. It does now.

Last and not least , I'm nearly 20 years older. If I tried to say I haven't changed in two decades, I'd be denying my own tremendous capacity to learn and grow ( watch some tit jump on that )

Plus - sex these days is like grating a flaccid frankfurter between two slices of dry toast ( oh shut up that is my favourite joke / lie at the moment ) It does take a few minutes and a slow hand to wake up tho - no constant readiness in this model and it shows itself by lack of persuants. That changes how I experience my time here.......most people only speak to 'something' they want to fuck and if they do speak it isn't particularly kind as older people become 'jokes' are dispensable kicking boards.......

I've adjusted my use accordingly and in the absence of others the forums are left like a toilet wall - the odd banal comment and every now n then a contact number.

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By *eliWoman
23 weeks ago

.


"I've not noticed any changes really since 2008.

People come, people go, there's new favourites, new regular posters, new lurkers, new fall outs and spates of angst. It's all largely the same with different faces.

As for is it harder to moderate? Wouldn't know as I've not been doing it long enough to judge. Anyone who's been here a while will have at some point probably crossed a line or two (I'll put my hands up to that a few years back) and suffered the consequences. But yes - only people themselves can get themselves in trouble, nobody else. Rules are after all rules and they're there for all to see.

If people think the forums have changed I'd agree with some that it's as likely they've changed themselves and the changing population will of course influence their viewpoints.

I don't miss the days of constant bun fights at all.

Maybe I'm just a little older and a little wiser now, and don't get baited, wound up and tempted to react as much anymore. It's a much more peaceful existence for sure. 🤷‍♂️"

Absolutely this.

Whilst I've not been around *quite* as long as Obi, this style of thread has been going on for over a decade, whenever there's a quieter period.

There is a quieter period right now.

For people who discusss how welcoming/friendly it is... why don't you be the change that you want to see? Or at least a step in the right direction. Speak to people in threads, new posters etc. Create a more positive atmosphere? Care enough to do more than complain when this style of thread comes around. Bring humour to threads that's not at the expense of others.

Inclusivity doesn't just mean replying to everyone in a simple thread. It's how they're replied to. The lack of little digs etc. Not dominating threads with content others can't engage in when it's quite easy to take that chat away from the forums.

Even how people view inclusivity, who is, can be so different.

All that being said, the past year I've been investing less and less time in to the forums. I know that's down to me, my attitude/life changing rather than some great big shift in the fora.

It still works for me though. I don't have to be here. And it can't be that bad if you have people desperate to return.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
23 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

I don't buy into the cyclical argument. There's no one building independent shops on the high street and no one cycling to the factory with a cheese sandwich in their canvas bag and no one with the personality that the past gave to them coming to the forums.

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By *ude LawMan
23 weeks ago

Harrogate

I remember when it were nowt but fields and the only sound to be heard was Shag asking a scarecrow what his Saturday night plans were.

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By *ynamicnatureMan
23 weeks ago

Doncaster

I only joined just over a year ago and wouldn't know any different.

I think there's heaps of larger than life characters on here and some of the comments just crack me up!

I've chatted to some cool people via the forums and overall I enjoy and appreciate the threads people make.

Sure some topics are a bit funky, but I just avoid those and stick to the ones I like.

I would be gutted if the forums ever disappeared.

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By *ellhungvweMan
23 weeks ago

Cheltenham

The forums change all the time. I change all the time. Sometimes we are in sync and other times we are not.

I do think the forums have become less tolerant of the “non correct” views over time which leads to more of a mono culture but that goes for many places on the internet.

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By *ools and the brain OP   Couple
23 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.


"Used to be tremendously busy, thread's in the lounge would fly by, and popular posters thread's would fill up very quickly.

Saturday night quiz night, lot's of mild arguments some banter plenty of time outs, but never a dull moment.

Things have changed so much in the past few years it's like pulling teeth on here at times it's so slow.

Lockdown changed things but so many people have left it's definitely not as fun as it was.

I wonder what the long time members think and maybe moderators has it become more difficult to moderate with people getting more easily offended now or has it always been the same?

Thoughts?

I know some people claim to have been here 20 years but that's impossible and for quite a good reason but one or two people are not far off two decades.

I used to enjoy the lounge a lot more - I still enjoy it a little and there are quite a lot of reasons , I guess for everybody, why the way I sense the lounge differs over the years.

What began as an internet site for swingers to use for a variety of reasons metamorphed into a pocket mobile site that is used by anyone anywhere who wants to use it - not just earnest swingers / those open to more casual sex. People no longer had to be at home or in the office alone. They access at any given moment in their day and their user habits became akin to shallow feeders or scavengers like foxes , a bit here and and a bit there.

This had the effect of diluting the sense of community where users understood the others attitude to sex as a human freedom and changing the ethos from those with that shared interest to someone yelling on the street gizza shag, see my knob! Show us ya tits every five minutes. For me the place changed ( i'm talking forum ) from a place where space and time were needed in a secure place and for which people set aside some time to a 24/7 fish pond where people bob in , quack , and bob out.

That's only one reason and I cba with the rest apart from listing them. 1. It's not the novelty or the taboo it used to be. 2. It's been replicated many times over so there is far more choice. 3. What was once 'undercover' is now spoken about more openly and people have less need for such sites / the forum. 4. Society changes and this is a biggy for me..... the fucking perpetual do gooders and whiners and professionally ill and defenseless, have given communities and societies the inability to speak their truth, whilst the fabricated 'hurt' without substantiation is given precedence. Try passing an open , honest , respectful opinion and watch the eternally offended scream and kick, one after the other as if they have been given the right to cry hurt with impunity ...... oh wait...... they have and I believe the internet is probably one of their final few screaming places as society wakes up to the adverse effects of going too far.

Enough already,

In brief the people AND the way people use the forums have changed.

I miss the bright people, the funny pleasant , caring , opinionated forum users whose personalities you could feel through the ether.

It never used to feel like Samaritans in the past. It does now.

Last and not least , I'm nearly 20 years older. If I tried to say I haven't changed in two decades, I'd be denying my own tremendous capacity to learn and grow ( watch some tit jump on that )

Plus - sex these days is like grating a flaccid frankfurter between two slices of dry toast ( oh shut up that is my favourite joke / lie at the moment ) It does take a few minutes and a slow hand to wake up tho - no constant readiness in this model and it shows itself by lack of persuants. That changes how I experience my time here.......most people only speak to 'something' they want to fuck and if they do speak it isn't particularly kind as older people become 'jokes' are dispensable kicking boards.......

I've adjusted my use accordingly and in the absence of others the forums are left like a toilet wall - the odd banal comment and every now n then a contact number. "

Granny your a legend

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By *eoBloomsMan
23 weeks ago

Springfield


"The forums change all the time. I change all the time. Sometimes we are in sync and other times we are not.

I do think the forums have become less tolerant of the “non correct” views over time which leads to more of a mono culture but that goes for many places on the internet.

"

Really valid point. Online interaction overall has become both more politicised and polarised in last five years. This trend appearing in the Lounge has undoubtedly driven lots of interesting people away. Ironically I find the Politics Section to be more tolerant and diverse now.

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
23 weeks ago

BRIDPORT


"Used to be tremendously busy, thread's in the lounge would fly by, and popular posters thread's would fill up very quickly.

Saturday night quiz night, lot's of mild arguments some banter plenty of time outs, but never a dull moment.

Things have changed so much in the past few years it's like pulling teeth on here at times it's so slow.

Lockdown changed things but so many people have left it's definitely not as fun as it was.

I wonder what the long time members think and maybe moderators has it become more difficult to moderate with people getting more easily offended now or has it always been the same?

Thoughts?

I know some people claim to have been here 20 years but that's impossible and for quite a good reason but one or two people are not far off two decades.

I used to enjoy the lounge a lot more - I still enjoy it a little and there are quite a lot of reasons , I guess for everybody, why the way I sense the lounge differs over the years.

What began as an internet site for swingers to use for a variety of reasons metamorphed into a pocket mobile site that is used by anyone anywhere who wants to use it - not just earnest swingers / those open to more casual sex. People no longer had to be at home or in the office alone. They access at any given moment in their day and their user habits became akin to shallow feeders or scavengers like foxes , a bit here and and a bit there.

This had the effect of diluting the sense of community where users understood the others attitude to sex as a human freedom and changing the ethos from those with that shared interest to someone yelling on the street gizza shag, see my knob! Show us ya tits every five minutes. For me the place changed ( i'm talking forum ) from a place where space and time were needed in a secure place and for which people set aside some time to a 24/7 fish pond where people bob in , quack , and bob out.

That's only one reason and I cba with the rest apart from listing them. 1. It's not the novelty or the taboo it used to be. 2. It's been replicated many times over so there is far more choice. 3. What was once 'undercover' is now spoken about more openly and people have less need for such sites / the forum. 4. Society changes and this is a biggy for me..... the fucking perpetual do gooders and whiners and professionally ill and defenseless, have given communities and societies the inability to speak their truth, whilst the fabricated 'hurt' without substantiation is given precedence. Try passing an open , honest , respectful opinion and watch the eternally offended scream and kick, one after the other as if they have been given the right to cry hurt with impunity ...... oh wait...... they have and I believe the internet is probably one of their final few screaming places as society wakes up to the adverse effects of going too far.

Enough already,

In brief the people AND the way people use the forums have changed.

I miss the bright people, the funny pleasant , caring , opinionated forum users whose personalities you could feel through the ether.

It never used to feel like Samaritans in the past. It does now.

Last and not least , I'm nearly 20 years older. If I tried to say I haven't changed in two decades, I'd be denying my own tremendous capacity to learn and grow ( watch some tit jump on that )

Plus - sex these days is like grating a flaccid frankfurter between two slices of dry toast ( oh shut up that is my favourite joke / lie at the moment ) It does take a few minutes and a slow hand to wake up tho - no constant readiness in this model and it shows itself by lack of persuants. That changes how I experience my time here.......most people only speak to 'something' they want to fuck and if they do speak it isn't particularly kind as older people become 'jokes' are dispensable kicking boards.......

I've adjusted my use accordingly and in the absence of others the forums are left like a toilet wall - the odd banal comment and every now n then a contact number. "

And they said War And Peace was a long read

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By *midnight-Woman
23 weeks ago

...


"Back when , the nocturnal, the host and hostess's included everyone "

Ahhh I really miss the nocturnal threads - that was mostly how newbies eased their way into the forum.

I have so much admiration for Jim, Ash + Lorna -the amount of time it takes to reply to every person on the thread is incredible and you literally cannot do anything else. I miss those threads the most.

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By *midnight-Woman
23 weeks ago

...


"I know some people claim to have been here 20 years but that's impossible and for quite a good reason but one or two people are not far off two decades.

...

I've adjusted my use accordingly and in the absence of others the forums are left like a toilet wall - the odd banal comment and every now n then a contact number. "

Granny I cropped you down to size to "quote" you so I could say I liked your observations and thoughts... Although I'm just a whippersnapper by comparison 😉😊😊😊😊😘

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
23 weeks ago

East Sussex

I think forums reflect the majority of users. If it's not reflecting me and my tastes, opinions, sense of humour etc I know I'm in the minority.

I have choices, I can try and change to fit it, try and change the forum to fit me, just join in when it suits me, question the bits I don't like or stop contributing.

I've belonged to many internet forums in my time, starting way back with Handbag. I eventually left them all because as is often said in relationship break ups, we both changed.

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By *abtastic Mr FoxMan
23 weeks ago

A den in the Glen


"

Plus - sex these days is like grating a flaccid frankfurter between two slices of dry toast ( "

In my best Paul Daniels' voice...

"Hoo hoo, now that's magic".

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By *rthur30Man
23 weeks ago

Warrington

As a relatively new user of the site, I cannot comment on how things used to be or compare that to now.

Perhaps the problem is that we all change and our attitude to others changes. Long term users of the forums will have seen the same topics come and go repeatedly.

The way the forums are used now reflects the state of our society now. It is so much easier to make provocative comments and posts which are rude, inconsiderate and spiteful.

I do find it difficult to find a “tribe” I feel comfortable with.

It is what you make of it, surely?

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By *midnight-Woman
23 weeks ago

...

I think maybe it reflects the big changes in society too

For entertainment the majority of people used to be down the pub / club, chatting about what was in the newspapers, bantering and talking about what was on tv... And we all watched the same shit on TV 'cos there wasn't so much choice!

Sex wasn't mainstream like it is today

We had a lot of common themes to bond around and MH was unheard of.

Then covid came ... we learnt it was ok to not be ok. We created a gazillion tv viewing choices. People stopped going to the pub because they couldn't smoke and discovered it was cheaper to booze at home with your mates

Technology has enabled us to sit on our phones in our own echo chambers. Our attention spans have become shorter (the effort to type this into my phone is 'unreal'!). We think our thoughts and ideas are better than anyone else's because we aren't challenged or exposed to debate in the same way

..and sex is so mainstream that kids are burnt out on porn before they even leave school

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By *rHotNottsMan
23 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I think people remember the past with rose tinted glasses, whether it was the war, the pub or this forum, seems it was great in the past. We used to have a jolly old knees up and a sing song and call each kind sir….

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By *abioMan
23 weeks ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"Used to be tremendously busy, thread's in the lounge would fly by, and popular posters thread's would fill up very quickly.

Saturday night quiz night, lot's of mild arguments some banter plenty of time outs, but never a dull moment.

Things have changed so much in the past few years it's like pulling teeth on here at times it's so slow.

Lockdown changed things but so many people have left it's definitely not as fun as it was.

I wonder what the long time members think and maybe moderators has it become more difficult to moderate with people getting more easily offended now or has it always been the same?

Thoughts?"

You really want to have this conversation.. if we do I can guarantee some will get offended

It goes through swings and roundabouts

A couple of things

1) sometimes it just feels like some people are “trying too hard “ and those people have kinda taken over … I look at a subject, can almost guess who started it.. and I honestly think “meh”

2) unless a subject is saccharine sweet… one person screams “ don’t like it “ or “politics” and it gets removed …. I don’t think it encouraged participation beyond whatever the in group is at the moment (and we have been long enough to see them come and go)

3) you used to be able to talk current events in the forum in generalities and “politics” was for more in depth conversations… now it’s the dumping ground

I need brain stimulation… have a look on page 1 and count how many thread titles would do that….hand on heart

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By *porty_and_NaughtyCouple
23 weeks ago

Swansea


"I think people remember the past with rose tinted glasses, whether it was the war, the pub or this forum, seems it was great in the past. We used to have a jolly old knees up and a sing song and call each kind sir…. "

This is a view that I would totally agree with in most areas of life. When the change that is being talked about is only a year or so old I think it is much less likely that rose tinting is the actual reason.

Look at Fabio's comment, he's spot on. With the exception of the thread on the definition of pan sexuality, there is nothing on page 1 that offers the chance of learning new ideas, new ways of setting the world, how other people think differently etc.

P

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By *eoBloomsMan
23 weeks ago

Springfield


"Back when , the nocturnal, the host and hostess's included everyone

Ahhh I really miss the nocturnal threads - that was mostly how newbies eased their way into the forum.

I have so much admiration for Jim, Ash + Lorna -the amount of time it takes to reply to every person on the thread is incredible and you literally cannot do anything else. I miss those threads the most. "

I did a few and was absolutely drained ! Amazing they did it for so long and so well.👏

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By *eroLondonMan
23 weeks ago

Soho


"Back when , the nocturnal, the host and hostess's included everyone

Ahhh I really miss the nocturnal threads - that was mostly how newbies eased their way into the forum.

I have so much admiration for Jim, Ash + Lorna -the amount of time it takes to reply to every person on the thread is incredible and you literally cannot do anything else. I miss those threads the most. "

·

It was exhausting work and relentless, but rewarding to see lurkers emerge from the shadows and feel included. After 2½ years it totally ruined my sleep pattern.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
23 weeks ago

East Sussex


"I think people remember the past with rose tinted glasses, whether it was the war, the pub or this forum, seems it was great in the past. We used to have a jolly old knees up and a sing song and call each kind sir….

This is a view that I would totally agree with in most areas of life. When the change that is being talked about is only a year or so old I think it is much less likely that rose tinting is the actual reason.

Look at Fabio's comment, he's spot on. With the exception of the thread on the definition of pan sexuality, there is nothing on page 1 that offers the chance of learning new ideas, new ways of setting the world, how other people think differently etc.

P"

Do you feel that is the purpose of these forums?

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By *eoBloomsMan
23 weeks ago

Springfield


"Used to be tremendously busy, thread's in the lounge would fly by, and popular posters thread's would fill up very quickly.

Saturday night quiz night, lot's of mild arguments some banter plenty of time outs, but never a dull moment.

Things have changed so much in the past few years it's like pulling teeth on here at times it's so slow.

Lockdown changed things but so many people have left it's definitely not as fun as it was.

I wonder what the long time members think and maybe moderators has it become more difficult to moderate with people getting more easily offended now or has it always been the same?

Thoughts?

You really want to have this conversation.. if we do I can guarantee some will get offended

It goes through swings and roundabouts

A couple of things

1) sometimes it just feels like some people are “trying too hard “ and those people have kinda taken over … I look at a subject, can almost guess who started it.. and I honestly think “meh”

2) unless a subject is saccharine sweet… one person screams “ don’t like it “ or “politics” and it gets removed …. I don’t think it encouraged participation beyond whatever the in group is at the moment (and we have been long enough to see them come and go)

3) you used to be able to talk current events in the forum in generalities and “politics” was for more in depth conversations… now it’s the dumping ground

I need brain stimulation… have a look on page 1 and count how many thread titles would do that….hand on heart

"

Fabio please sit down as I agree with you.

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By *abioMan
23 weeks ago

Newcastle and Gateshead


"I think people remember the past with rose tinted glasses, whether it was the war, the pub or this forum, seems it was great in the past. We used to have a jolly old knees up and a sing song and call each kind sir….

This is a view that I would totally agree with in most areas of life. When the change that is being talked about is only a year or so old I think it is much less likely that rose tinting is the actual reason.

Look at Fabio's comment, he's spot on. With the exception of the thread on the definition of pan sexuality, there is nothing on page 1 that offers the chance of learning new ideas, new ways of setting the world, how other people think differently etc.

P

Do you feel that is the purpose of these forums? "

Can I give you an example which kinda makes the point of what I’m talking about

On the last Saturday before we all got the announcement that we were going to be locked down… we were having discussions about whether people were going out or not.. and they were wide and varied and thoughtful and diverse.. it was the same conversations everyone else was having.. and it was in the forum

Now days that would be shuffled off to politics or virus because someone would have complained

If I think of something that is thought provoking.. it might be light, or serious.. but I’ll start it… I’m not starting thread just for the sake of starting a thread ( I get the feeling some do)

Stimulation breeds conversation

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By *porty_and_NaughtyCouple
23 weeks ago

Swansea


"I think people remember the past with rose tinted glasses, whether it was the war, the pub or this forum, seems it was great in the past. We used to have a jolly old knees up and a sing song and call each kind sir….

This is a view that I would totally agree with in most areas of life. When the change that is being talked about is only a year or so old I think it is much less likely that rose tinting is the actual reason.

Look at Fabio's comment, he's spot on. With the exception of the thread on the definition of pan sexuality, there is nothing on page 1 that offers the chance of learning new ideas, new ways of setting the world, how other people think differently etc.

P

Do you feel that is the purpose of these forums? "

I'm not sure there is a specific purpose and, if there was, I'm not sure you'd get anyone to agree what it was. Having different categories (politics/fantasies/specific locations) etc gives a clear indication of what to expect but a lounge is what the people in it make it.

It may not be the purpose but it is a part of the lounge I, and clearly others, have noticed used to be there and isn't now. Perhaps the purpose of the lounge is in fact to score the profile pic of the person above and state whether you'd snog, shag or (insert whatever activity you think sounds amusing) them.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
23 weeks ago

East Sussex


"I think people remember the past with rose tinted glasses, whether it was the war, the pub or this forum, seems it was great in the past. We used to have a jolly old knees up and a sing song and call each kind sir….

This is a view that I would totally agree with in most areas of life. When the change that is being talked about is only a year or so old I think it is much less likely that rose tinting is the actual reason.

Look at Fabio's comment, he's spot on. With the exception of the thread on the definition of pan sexuality, there is nothing on page 1 that offers the chance of learning new ideas, new ways of setting the world, how other people think differently etc.

P

Do you feel that is the purpose of these forums?

Can I give you an example which kinda makes the point of what I’m talking about

On the last Saturday before we all got the announcement that we were going to be locked down… we were having discussions about whether people were going out or not.. and they were wide and varied and thoughtful and diverse.. it was the same conversations everyone else was having.. and it was in the forum

Now days that would be shuffled off to politics or virus because someone would have complained

If I think of something that is thought provoking.. it might be light, or serious.. but I’ll start it… I’m not starting thread just for the sake of starting a thread ( I get the feeling some do)

Stimulation breeds conversation "

I agree that stimulation breeds conversation and vice versa but I think it's unrealistic to expect forums to cater to everyone. As I said earlier they'll reflect the majority of contributors. All any of us can do is contribute in a way that suits us best.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
23 weeks ago

East Sussex


"I think people remember the past with rose tinted glasses, whether it was the war, the pub or this forum, seems it was great in the past. We used to have a jolly old knees up and a sing song and call each kind sir….

This is a view that I would totally agree with in most areas of life. When the change that is being talked about is only a year or so old I think it is much less likely that rose tinting is the actual reason.

Look at Fabio's comment, he's spot on. With the exception of the thread on the definition of pan sexuality, there is nothing on page 1 that offers the chance of learning new ideas, new ways of setting the world, how other people think differently etc.

P

Do you feel that is the purpose of these forums?

I'm not sure there is a specific purpose and, if there was, I'm not sure you'd get anyone to agree what it was. Having different categories (politics/fantasies/specific locations) etc gives a clear indication of what to expect but a lounge is what the people in it make it.

It may not be the purpose but it is a part of the lounge I, and clearly others, have noticed used to be there and isn't now. Perhaps the purpose of the lounge is in fact to score the profile pic of the person above and state whether you'd snog, shag or (insert whatever activity you think sounds amusing) them. "

Who knows 🤷‍♀️. All I do know is that if those sort of threads had no replies they wouldn't be posted

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By *a LunaWoman
23 weeks ago

o o OO o o

I think maybe some people expect too much from The Lounge. There are other Forum sections that are very active but I suspect because certain posters they may (or may not) fancy don’t use them, they lurk in the same place.

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By *elvet RopeMan
23 weeks ago

by the big field


"I think people remember the past with rose tinted glasses, whether it was the war, the pub or this forum, seems it was great in the past. We used to have a jolly old knees up and a sing song and call each kind sir….

This is a view that I would totally agree with in most areas of life. When the change that is being talked about is only a year or so old I think it is much less likely that rose tinting is the actual reason.

Look at Fabio's comment, he's spot on. With the exception of the thread on the definition of pan sexuality, there is nothing on page 1 that offers the chance of learning new ideas, new ways of setting the world, how other people think differently etc.

P

Do you feel that is the purpose of these forums? "

Fabios original point about the way this and other outlets are now controlled and sanitised to appease the career butthurt brigade is a significant thing.

I'm sure he well remembers the halcyon days of the old SH forum when it was privately owned- active, friendly, entertaining, funny, thought provoking but generally always welcoming and supportive to those who made an effort to find their own space. Then it was sold to a commercial company who pretty much destroyed the entire vibe in a speed the current rulers of his homeland would be impressed with...coincidently around the same time Fab suddenly became a lot more popular.

It has gone the same way round here the last 4-5 years, although not particularly at the heavy hand of the owners- more just society in general and people are tired of treading on eggshells now- life is way more stressful, this was always an escape valve.

Someone mentioned 'Strangers on the internet', it never used to be like that, it was a proper community, but if people have no urge to hang round then there will be far fewer friendships forged with an ever revolving door of new posters.

I saw a woman in her early 20's say something interesting on TV recently, regarding the dating scene and how so many under 30's are very 'Me!Me!Me!- Now!Now!Now!'. If you combine a dull and unwelcoming forum with that self driven instant gratification, things don't really look good for the future

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
23 weeks ago

North West


"Back when , the nocturnal, the host and hostess's included everyone

Ahhh I really miss the nocturnal threads - that was mostly how newbies eased their way into the forum.

I have so much admiration for Jim, Ash + Lorna -the amount of time it takes to reply to every person on the thread is incredible and you literally cannot do anything else. I miss those threads the most.

·

It was exhausting work and relentless, but rewarding to see lurkers emerge from the shadows and feel included. After 2½ years it totally ruined my sleep pattern."

I think Jim only managed it because he was/is truly nocturnal

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By *ora the explorerWoman
23 weeks ago

Paradise, Herts

Yeah I don’t enjoy it anymore. Is what it is though. Not moaning about it I just don’t come on here much anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago

I didn’t realise it was that deep.

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By *eliWoman
23 weeks ago

.


"I didn’t realise it was that deep. "

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By *eroLondonMan
23 weeks ago

Soho


"I didn’t realise it was that deep. "

·

We're all deeply entrenched like the Mariana Trench.

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By (user no longer on site)
23 weeks ago


"I didn’t realise it was that deep.

"

I don’t mean it horribly. I just didn’t realise it was that deep.

I use the forums for fun. I post to create my own fun. I engage with threads I like and don’t with the ones I don’t like at all. The place hasn’t changed to me it’s just different posters posting.

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By *eliWoman
23 weeks ago

.


"I didn’t realise it was that deep.

I don’t mean it horribly. I just didn’t realise it was that deep.

I use the forums for fun. I post to create my own fun. I engage with threads I like and don’t with the ones I don’t like at all. The place hasn’t changed to me it’s just different posters posting. "

I know you didn't, just felt like using the Boomer thumb.

People place varying levels of importance on things don't they? And maybe it seems like it is deeper to some posters because we can't read tone, we don't really know them as such and it might seem like they're really vexed but actually they're just having a toilet break and typing.

Who knows.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
23 weeks ago

East Sussex


"I didn’t realise it was that deep.

I don’t mean it horribly. I just didn’t realise it was that deep.

I use the forums for fun. I post to create my own fun. I engage with threads I like and don’t with the ones I don’t like at all. The place hasn’t changed to me it’s just different posters posting.

I know you didn't, just felt like using the Boomer thumb.

People place varying levels of importance on things don't they? And maybe it seems like it is deeper to some posters because we can't read tone, we don't really know them as such and it might seem like they're really vexed but actually they're just having a toilet break and typing.

Who knows. "

Oh god! Is it called the 'boomer' thumb? 😭

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By *eliWoman
23 weeks ago

.


"I didn’t realise it was that deep.

I don’t mean it horribly. I just didn’t realise it was that deep.

I use the forums for fun. I post to create my own fun. I engage with threads I like and don’t with the ones I don’t like at all. The place hasn’t changed to me it’s just different posters posting.

I know you didn't, just felt like using the Boomer thumb.

People place varying levels of importance on things don't they? And maybe it seems like it is deeper to some posters because we can't read tone, we don't really know them as such and it might seem like they're really vexed but actually they're just having a toilet break and typing.

Who knows.

Oh god! Is it called the 'boomer' thumb? 😭"

Yep, that's the official name for it. Sorry to share the bad news.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
23 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle

It won't be a boomer that called it the boomer thumb..... that's for certain.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
23 weeks ago

Crumpet Castle


"I know some people claim to have been here 20 years but that's impossible and for quite a good reason but one or two people are not far off two decades.

...

I've adjusted my use accordingly and in the absence of others the forums are left like a toilet wall - the odd banal comment and every now n then a contact number.

Granny I cropped you down to size to "quote" you so I could say I liked your observations and thoughts... Although I'm just a whippersnapper by comparison 😉😊😊😊😊😘"

A whippersnapper maybe but a timeless forumite, friendly , forward n fun.

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By *ansoffateMan
23 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

Some people seem to find fun in offending people.

I guess if it's less fun now it's easier to offend then maybe it's really a challenge they find fun?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
23 weeks ago

East Sussex


"It won't be a boomer that called it the boomer thumb..... that's for certain.

"

You're right there Granny.

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By *etcouple22Couple
23 weeks ago

Salisbury

Once we could chat and even talk of sex, we could even suggest a meet, but now there is a risk of a ban for saying swinging

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By *electableicecreamMan
23 weeks ago

The West


"I didn’t realise it was that deep.

I don’t mean it horribly. I just didn’t realise it was that deep.

I use the forums for fun. I post to create my own fun. I engage with threads I like and don’t with the ones I don’t like at all. The place hasn’t changed to me it’s just different posters posting.

I know you didn't, just felt like using the Boomer thumb.

People place varying levels of importance on things don't they? And maybe it seems like it is deeper to some posters because we can't read tone, we don't really know them as such and it might seem like they're really vexed but actually they're just having a toilet break and typing.

Who knows.

Oh god! Is it called the 'boomer' thumb? 😭

Yep, that's the official name for it. Sorry to share the bad news. "

Oh my god.

Not knowing that has aged me ten years.

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By *electableicecreamMan
23 weeks ago

The West

As for how deep this stuff is. It's not deep at all for a lot of people. For others though it might be. We don't always know what people need or want from a place like this.

People do post about how it feels to be ignored or be at the bottom of a pile on or have their thread derailed or their grammar deconstructed.

We don't know how they feel at all really but we know they feel enough to say it and we know that words like clique and in-crowd come often enough to be a cliché yet have a kernel of truth.

I can't imagine any of this stuff didn't happen a decade ago too.

It's just forums.

I'd say that external chat groups are a contributing factor in mini mob behaviour too.

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By *eoBloomsMan
23 weeks ago

Springfield


"It won't be a boomer that called it the boomer thumb..... that's for certain.

"

Love the Boomer thumb GC. Positive, affirmative, a big Yes !

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By *porty_and_NaughtyCouple
23 weeks ago

Swansea

I think perhaps the most obvious symptom is the threads themselves. Of the first 15 threads at present, two have been started today, many are weeks old, one over a year. Don't get me wrong, and old thread revived can be interesting but when a community that used to have lively debate, random discussions and thought provoking opinions is reduced to a desultory trickle of comments on weeks old threads I'd suggest something has changed. Whether that is a good or a bad thing depends entirely on what you want from the place I guess.

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By *porty_and_NaughtyCouple
23 weeks ago

Swansea


"I think perhaps the most obvious symptom is the threads themselves. Of the first 15 threads at present, two have been started today, many are weeks old, one over a year. Don't get me wrong, and old thread revived can be interesting but when a community that used to have lively debate, random discussions and thought provoking opinions is reduced to a desultory trickle of comments on weeks old threads I'd suggest something has changed. Whether that is a good or a bad thing depends entirely on what you want from the place I guess."

Actually, scratch this, I was on a list of threads we've replied to not the main list

Oooops

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By *lan157Man
23 weeks ago

a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex

I've been around a long time and contributing to the forum for many years. I still read them and still contribute because occasionally you get something that is very funny or interesting or profound. You have to wade your way through men seeking profile advice and windgers who cannot get to meet anybody despite all the advice they're given. I think the actual number of people who read and contribute to the forums are very much a minority compared with those who just look at profiles and pictures and videos like they might at a p*** site. That's to be welcomed.

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By *usie pTV/TS
23 weeks ago

taunton

Jools the quiz is on sundaty evenings in the Canadian room, I have not managed to answer a question yet but I keep trying lol.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
23 weeks ago

Holibobs

The only thing I can see that is different is that the serial flirters have unlos, banned, lurk. We dont have that level of commitment from anyone, who will flirt with anyone and everyone anymore. Those people were the ones to always bring everyone together (who wished to partake) and stimulated other people to make fun flirty threads, I remember when nora's secret service thread would hit 5 pages easily.

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