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By *eus n Europa OP   Couple
2 days ago

Derby

This is a shout out to anyone and no one in particular but felt it needed to be said

Yesterday we were messaged by an older single guy with what can only be described as omg where did that introduction message come from. Vile, disrespectful and downright vulgar names some of it

His profile clearly shows he's into hard core SM , BDSM and stuff not relevant to us

Nowhere in our profile does it show we entertain this side of fun

So we tell him straight we feel vile n disgusted by his message n point out we don't have any of these interests on our profile nor wanting single men to message

We block so we don't have any more issues but then find he names n shames us on a status stating we are "drama queens"

Still waiting for admin to remove after reporting

So please anyone when messaging profiles please actually think twice about what you put to people when messaging

Yes we normally use filters but had been changing things n forgot to register

To say this has on this occasion has upset us an understatement. Past history of abuse in a previous relationship has now been bought to the forefront due to someone not thinking. Ok so they don't know about pasts like we don't but come on guys show some respect

This is not aimed at anyone who shows care and decency on this site in the slightest but the idiots who are slowly letting this site sink to depravity

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
2 days ago

East Sussex

You need to give admin a chance, they get hundreds of reports a day

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By *econdtimelucky101Man
2 days ago

Oldbury

I've just read your profile and at no point did it indicate you were up for any BDSM. Even if it did you would start off with a polite message. Well I would lol. Shame some people dont seem to have any etiquette.

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By *ngel7disguiseWoman
2 days ago

Loughborough

It’s sad how many people don’t actually read a profile!

Also frustrating how disrespectful people can be.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
2 days ago

Lincolnshire

I do think some people forget that this site is also the REAL WORLD.

They seriously need to give their head a wobble!

Some of the status updates we see must have women dripping to their knees

C

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By *hatsWhatCoupleCouple
2 days ago

Northampton

Sorry to read you received this and feel this way.

You gotta have thick skin in this game. The best bit of advice from Fab, and the most difficult to follow is “ignore and move on”

Hit the block button and don’t seek the endorphin rush by replying with a ‘piece of your mind’

Keep smiling

Xx

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
2 days ago

Reading

Next time just block. No answer needed.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
2 days ago

Leeds

OP why have you needed to post this three tines ?

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By *ympho6969Woman
2 days ago

glasgow

One thing that never fails to turn me off is the 'daddy' thing. I had a similar message, with daddy dropped in.

When I explained it was a turn off and I wasn't interested, all I got was vile messages questioning my own interests and being on here in the first place.

Very quickly blocked

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By *eekyTattsCoupleCouple
2 days ago

Tyne and Wear

All this person has to do is delete and recreate their profile under the same name and they're free to contact you again, again and again (speaking from experience).

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By *ora the explorerWoman
2 days ago

Paradise, Herts


"All this person has to do is delete and recreate their profile under the same name and they're free to contact you again, again and again (speaking from experience)."

Block newbies. They’ll soon get fed up

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By *ora the explorerWoman
2 days ago

Paradise, Herts

Best thing to do is just delete and block op. Don’t bother replying. I don’t. He probably wouldn’t have named and shamed you if you’d ignored. Chances are he won’t be on the forums to see this either.

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
2 days ago

…

I got so fed up of some of the vile messages I used to get, so I put all my filters on and now no one can message. One message I received in particular really turned my stomach, so I do understand how you’re feeling OP. I think some people get a kick out of sending really vulgar messages. I think the best way to deal with them is to mark the message as unread, block, delete (and report if necessary).

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By *utualMan
2 days ago

Bawtry

I just don't understand how people behave on here (and often in society). I guess the good ones just need to remain decent, polite and kind individuals who give each other the common decency of reading a profile and then responding if it matches your needs/wants. But alas, we have to block and report and I doubt this position will ever change.......but we can live in hope!

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By *ildo_swagginsthe3rdWoman
2 days ago

Wales


"You need to give admin a chance, they get hundreds of reports a day"

100's?? 😱

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By *eus n Europa OP   Couple
2 days ago

Derby


"You need to give admin a chance, they get hundreds of reports a day

100's?? 😱"

Just about saying all really. We rest our case

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By *exxyyDy11Man
2 days ago

North West


"It’s sad how many people don’t actually read a profile!

Also frustrating how disrespectful people can be.

"

Spoils the site.

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By *uxurybubblesCouple
2 days ago

by the sea

Message filters folks.

Disrespectful and down right vile messages are never welcome out of the blue

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By *rHotNottsMan
2 days ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Why can’t you just delete and block ? Just treat messages like spam and don’t take it personally. If you engage you’ll just invite abuse & trouble. If you wanna report them to admin and great, but it’s not ready your site to police, they let the weirdos in

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By *uliette500Woman
2 days ago

Hull

It doesn't matter what you are into a first message should still be respectful.

I am into BDSM but I wouldn't entertain anyone who sent me a vile first message. BDSM only works with trust and respect between all participants so that kind of message would have been reported by me too.

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By *ickD80Man
10 hours ago

Wolverhampton

You say that it was an introduction message so you obviously don’t know this man, which means that whatever he said to you was just generic insults and name calling that he probably copies and pastes to lots of other people rather than being specifically aimed at you, so don’t take it personally. It might help to consider how lame and pathetic he must be to have nothing better to do with his time than send offensive messages to complete strangers. You should pity him rather than be upset by him.

Unfortunately though you have pretty much played into his hands and given him exactly what he wants. People don’t send messages like that to strangers with the hope of it being the start of a long and happy friendship or relationship, they send them to get a reaction from the recipient, to get their attention and to cause a bit of drama, they aren’t expecting a positive response at all. By replying to his message and posting in the forum about it you have given him the attention he was seeking.

It’s like a child who is being ignored by its parents, they normally do something that they know is wrong so that their parents get angry at them and give them some attention by shouting at them. When someone is deprived of any attention they tend to behave in a way that will attract negative attention because receiving negative attention is better than not receiving any attention at all. The man who sent you that message probably lacks basic social skills and struggles to build relationships with people and has little self confidence. He didn’t send you the message because he enjoys offending and upsetting strangers, he sent it to you because he wants some attention and that’s the only way he thinks he could get your attention.

Why did you read the whole message and subject yourself unnecessarily to reading something you found so upsetting? Surely you didn’t need to read the whole message to know that you weren’t interested in him. Maybe if you ever receive a similar message it will be less distressing and triggering for you to stop reading and blocking the sender after seeing the first offensive comment. If you were allergic to nuts but inadvertently started to eat something containing nuts you wouldn’t continue to eat it all after finding out it contains nuts would you? So why would you continue to read a message after finding out it’s an offensive message?

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