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The cats out of the bag!! :S

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

My mother has know discovered that i swing and have photos taken of me

The issue i have is my mother is very set in her ways and things have to be certain ways, such as you have a boy/girlfriend and you see only them - threesomes etc are frowned upon in my family!

She is also my main babysitter and being the stubborn interfering pain that she is she will more than likely try and refuse me any babysitting to try and stop me doing it now

When she found out she was with her friend and she seems 'ok' about it, but tbh i have the feeling that when she gets home in a bit i'm going to be getting the phone call to tell me what an embarrassment i am and that i need to 'pack it in'!

Advice on how to calm her down would be VERY much appreciated right now!!

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

how did she find out?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

seek out a babysitter, pay them and do your thing.

respect her choice not to babysit if you go swinging.

you only have one mum, shags are ten a penny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"seek out a babysitter, pay them and do your thing.

respect her choice not to babysit if you go swinging.

you only have one mum, shags are ten a penny"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Say "mum, I'm 24 and able to make my own decisions. If I want to swing then its up to me."

She might be upset but really, does it matter?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"seek out a babysitter, pay them and do your thing.

respect her choice not to babysit if you go swinging.

you only have one mum, shags are ten a penny"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In all honestly time will calm her down, it maybe a shock now as its all new but as she gets used to the idea it will become less of a issue

As for the babysitting do you really think she will want to spend less time with her grandchildren just to get back at you?

Its hard to give advice when you don't know someone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

try talking to her clearly about it, I'd think she probably has read shitty stories about swinging via the newspapers.While I'm not trying to promote elitist _iews..I think its quite important to explain ther are many successful people who swing and most importantly very safely.

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"how did she find out?"

Indeed.

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By *harliebbwWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

let her have her rant and cool down then respectfully point out that it's your chioce and your live it ur way. which will more then likely set her off again. so stick with the yes my no mum and hope the dust settles and she forgets

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Just tell her lots of 24 year olds shag around.... get her to check out Jeremy Kyle if she don't believe you.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I guess the key to this is to have a very open discussion with your mum... Give her your side on why you are on fab.. ok don't have to lay it all out leave some bit that might make her embrassessed. At least you have given your side of it.. If she chooses not to babysit knowing that you are going out "swinging" I guess you have to respect her decision to decline on that occassion. However if you are open with her she might understand why you are on here.. My mum is old fashioned but boy she has shocked me in the past at just how much of an understanding mum she is.. xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think im lucky as my dad and his new wife swing so had no problem telling them but cant imagine how hard it must be if they do bot approve

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol amused me that you called her stubborn interfering pain and yet she does you a massive favour by allowing you some free time away from your child

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lol amused me that you called her stubborn interfering pain and yet she does you a massive favour by allowing you some free time away from your child "

I'm not sure that's a fair thing to say. None of us know what her mum is like. My mother is a stubborn interfering pain at times and does me massive favours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"how did she find out?"

I too would like to know this.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"seek out a babysitter, pay them and do your thing.

respect her choice not to babysit if you go swinging.

you only have one mum, shags are ten a penny"

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"lol amused me that you called her stubborn interfering pain and yet she does you a massive favour by allowing you some free time away from your child

I'm not sure that's a fair thing to say. None of us know what her mum is like. My mother is a stubborn interfering pain at times and does me massive favours."

Sounds fair comment to me.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent

My mum would go ballistic if she found out I was on here.

Tbh I think threesomes and swinging would not be considered the norm and would freak most parents etc out,

How did she find out??

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I have no idea how she found out, she literally came out with 'are you swinging?' and it threw me that much that i froze and i struggled to even think of a lie so i just came out and said yes

I did try and get in about how i'm being safe, no one is forcing me to do anything and that when i do clubs i'm with friends and i'm never left alone. I made the point of saying its all safe sex, i get checked regularly and that i'm not exactly sleeping with loads of people, just one reg guy and maybe people at a club

But like i said my family have the beliefs that you meet someone and then its the whole standard vanilla relationship terms and anything else is taboo

Yes my mum does me a favor having him once a month overnight but that is as much for her benefit as mine as that is her alone time with him!

If i could afford babysitting i would much rather have that so that she doesn't know when i'm going out and i don't have to rely on her - trust me!

If when she is completely calm and the dust has settled she says she simply doesn't feel comfortable babysitting so that i can go do it then of course i will respect that, but its getting through the initial ranting and arguments that are due

She even admitted herself that since i started doing this a few months back i have completely changed - i have a life, friends and confidence and i'm wanting more out of life now

It takes a while for her to calm down and listen to things rationally sometimes

She wouldn't stop seeing him just because of that, she'll just do more trips to mine and stop in and see him and just not babysit so i can go off

If i had joint custody or even a ex that was remotely involved meaning i had time to myself id do it in that time, but i don't so i have to work it around school and when my mum can babysit

Its the waiting for her to call and give me hell that's killing me

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"

Its the waiting for her to call and give me hell that's killing me "

She's probably checking put your profile first... just to get her facts straight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

id call her first and get it over and done with.. no point worrying.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Its the waiting for her to call and give me hell that's killing me

She's probably checking put your profile first... just to get her facts straight."

I don't know if she knows im on here, it may have been from my LH profile for all i know as it mentions swinging there

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"id call her first and get it over and done with.. no point worrying. "

if i do that with my mum i'd just be adding fuel to the fire - i need to just wait til she's ready to talk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Its the waiting for her to call and give me hell that's killing me

She's probably checking put your profile first... just to get her facts straight.

I don't know if she knows im on here, it may have been from my LH profile for all i know as it mentions swinging there"

What's an LH profile?

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By *ouplefunukCouple
over a year ago

North Bristol


"I guess the key to this is to have a very open discussion with your mum... Give her your side on why you are on fab.. ok don't have to lay it all out leave some bit that might make her embrassessed. At least you have given your side of it.. If she chooses not to babysit knowing that you are going out "swinging" I guess you have to respect her decision to decline on that occassion. However if you are open with her she might understand why you are on here.. My mum is old fashioned but boy she has shocked me in the past at just how much of an understanding mum she is.. xxx"

This is very good advice.

The only thing I would add, is that if you do decide to go down the road of discussing it openly with her. Make it very clear that she shouldn't ask questions if she isn't prepared to hear the honest answer to it.

Sound advice that was given to me a few years back.

*Her*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your mother refuses to babysit for you because she disapproves of your lifestyle, then it sounds to me as if she is still treating you like a child. To turn down the company of her own grandchild to spite you just seems mean and selfish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't envy you one bit and I can imagine the anticipation "waiting for the call" The best advise I can offer is that your happy with your live at present, your safe and you have some very caring friends around you. Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Its the waiting for her to call and give me hell that's killing me

She's probably checking put your profile first... just to get her facts straight.

I don't know if she knows im on here, it may have been from my LH profile for all i know as it mentions swinging there

What's an LH profile?"

Lovehoney profile.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"id call her first and get it over and done with.. no point worrying.

if i do that with my mum i'd just be adding fuel to the fire - i need to just wait til she's ready to talk"

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By *wingerdelightCouple
over a year ago

eastliegh


"

Its the waiting for her to call and give me hell that's killing me

She's probably checking put your profile first... just to get her facts straight.

I don't know if she knows im on here, it may have been from my LH profile for all i know as it mentions swinging there"

well if she has seen your lh profile then she has been on lh also!!!!, pot and kettle spring to mind

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Odd she used the term 'swinger' and not something like 'sleeping around'....perhaps someone showed her your profile on here?

Anyway, I think once over her initial anger and disappointment, she will calm and ask you questions. Then you can reassure her with the safe sex, clubs, not many partners and all will be well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Its the waiting for her to call and give me hell that's killing me

She's probably checking put your profile first... just to get her facts straight.

I don't know if she knows im on here, it may have been from my LH profile for all i know as it mentions swinging there

What's an LH profile?

Lovehoney profile."

Leaving a digital signature of what you do is madness. I have tried to keep as much info off the web about myself as possible, which is why I have a false name, burn email and no face puts on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally ... If I found out my 22yr old daughter was swinging I wouldn't be happy, but that's because I her "mum". I wouldn't think any different of her or question her, Ide make sure I didn't ask about her nights out as I wouldn't want her to lie.

Its the initial shock that can cause certain reactions. Ide be likely not to even mention it again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My whole family would go daft , they just would never understand ....

But your mums your mum , she has her _iew and doesn't probably understand . As would very few tbh . But u are and adult .. And have your life , u leave your children with her where they are safe , not just locking the door and leaving while u go out to satisfy your sexual needs!

Be calm and talk it over ! Xx

Good luck !

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I'm a lot older than you and my mum questioned me a few years ago, not about being a swinger but about meeting men off the internet, I just turned round and said I'm 34, I'm single and I'm not a nun, it's never been mentioned again funny enough, so I think the least said the better!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

We have children older than you. Now I know we are on here too so the reaction might not be so suprised if we found them on here....but if our grown up children make a choice in their life that I didn't agree with, I would have to accept that they are adults and living their life the way they want to.

Hopefully your mum might think the same....if not and she objects to you swinging while she is sitting....then pay a babysitter when you want to swing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lol amused me that you called her stubborn interfering pain and yet she does you a massive favour by allowing you some free time away from your child "

Harsh .... I'm sure we've all said similar at some point regarding close family

members

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"seek out a babysitter, pay them and do your thing.

respect her choice not to babysit if you go swinging.

you only have one mum, shags are ten a penny

"

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By *he_original_poloWoman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester


"

Its the waiting for her to call and give me hell that's killing me

She's probably checking put your profile first... just to get her facts straight.

I don't know if she knows im on here, it may have been from my LH profile for all i know as it mentions swinging there"

No point worrying about her looking at it then...... oh what am I saying... you're not.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London


"lol amused me that you called her stubborn interfering pain and yet she does you a massive favour by allowing you some free time away from your child

I'm not sure that's a fair thing to say. None of us know what her mum is like. My mother is a stubborn interfering pain at times and does me massive favours.

Sounds fair comment to me."

No, it's not fair. Doing some baby sitting isn't some magical thing that means you can behave how you want without being criticised.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

just a thought but could your mum be a swinger too and that's how she found out?

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By *adkatWoman
over a year ago

Alfreton

My mums known about my lifestyle and the men and my clubbing for years but not my dad don't think I could ever have that conversation with him. I'm lucky my kids are now old enough for me to pop out for a few hours now and be left. When I used to need s sitter I asked the older girls and boys at my kids dance school, they were cheap and reliable, do your children do anything along those lines where you could ask the older children, them its a backup incase your mum is stubborn and refuses

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Well i've still not heard anything from her so that MAY be a good sign . . .

And no, my mother has never and would never be a swinger or anything remotely like it. Like i said - the whole family thinks that way about it all

I'm going with the 'no news is good news' theory now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lol amused me that you called her stubborn interfering pain and yet she does you a massive favour by allowing you some free time away from your child

I'm not sure that's a fair thing to say. None of us know what her mum is like. My mother is a stubborn interfering pain at times and does me massive favours.

Sounds fair comment to me.

No, it's not fair. Doing some baby sitting isn't some magical thing that means you can behave how you want without being criticised. "

i agree that her mum should not dictate how she should lead her life, but id certainly not made a rude comment about the very person who gives the freedom to lead the lifestyle she chooses too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"My mums known about my lifestyle and the men and my clubbing for years but not my dad don't think I could ever have that conversation with him. I'm lucky my kids are now old enough for me to pop out for a few hours now and be left. When I used to need s sitter I asked the older girls and boys at my kids dance school, they were cheap and reliable, do your children do anything along those lines where you could ask the older children, them its a backup incase your mum is stubborn and refuses "

I have a girl about 3 houses down who i can use if im desperate, but its a money issue hence why i need the free sitting from mum

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"lol amused me that you called her stubborn interfering pain and yet she does you a massive favour by allowing you some free time away from your child

I'm not sure that's a fair thing to say. None of us know what her mum is like. My mother is a stubborn interfering pain at times and does me massive favours.

Sounds fair comment to me.

No, it's not fair. Doing some baby sitting isn't some magical thing that means you can behave how you want without being criticised.

i agree that her mum should not dictate how she should lead her life, but id certainly not made a rude comment about the very person who gives the freedom to lead the lifestyle she chooses too. "

And you've never once said anything about one of your parents when they have tried to stop you doing things simply because they don't argee with things?!

Seems there is such thing as a perfect family . . .

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By *adkatWoman
over a year ago

Alfreton


"My mums known about my lifestyle and the men and my clubbing for years but not my dad don't think I could ever have that conversation with him. I'm lucky my kids are now old enough for me to pop out for a few hours now and be left. When I used to need s sitter I asked the older girls and boys at my kids dance school, they were cheap and reliable, do your children do anything along those lines where you could ask the older children, them its a backup incase your mum is stubborn and refuses

I have a girl about 3 houses down who i can use if im desperate, but its a money issue hence why i need the free sitting from mum "

Could you maybe pay her with pizza and a DVD movie night for her and a friend that's what I've done a few times x

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I'm not so sure that an adult woman who gets in a panic over her mum's opinion of her relationship is ready to handle swinging per se.

It's a bummer. It's not fatal.

Don't argue with her.

Listen to her.

Be thankful she gives a shit.

Don't explain what swinging is and what you get up to and how she shouldn't worry that is pointless.

When she's finished , acknowledge the parts where she is right and thank her for her advice.

Don't make any promises.

Carry on conducting your sex life as you want to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"seek out a babysitter, pay them and do your thing.

respect her choice not to babysit if you go swinging.

you only have one mum, shags are ten a penny"
well said

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Two things puzzle me.

1. Threesomes are frowned on in your family ? Have you had many discussions on polyamorous relationships around the dinner table ?

2. Your mum won't babysit if she knows your going swinging ?

Would you really say to her , 'Mind the baby i'm off out for some meaningless, gratuitous , hard thrusting , wet , n.s.a sex ?

Why can't you say i'm off to meet a pal ?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

i'd get in a panic if my parents found out to be fair

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"i'd get in a panic if my parents found out to be fair"

So would I but for a different reason to you I bet.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham


"i'd get in a panic if my parents found out to be fair

So would I but for a different reason to you I bet. "

probably

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lol amused me that you called her stubborn interfering pain and yet she does you a massive favour by allowing you some free time away from your child

I'm not sure that's a fair thing to say. None of us know what her mum is like. My mother is a stubborn interfering pain at times and does me massive favours.

Sounds fair comment to me.

No, it's not fair. Doing some baby sitting isn't some magical thing that means you can behave how you want without being criticised.

i agree that her mum should not dictate how she should lead her life, but id certainly not made a rude comment about the very person who gives the freedom to lead the lifestyle she chooses too. "

I think she's perfectly within her rights to call her whatever she feels. She's her mother and she came on here with a difficult thread for some advice, not to be criticised about her wording. My mother is a complete pain in the arse yet she's had my dog overnight as I'm not well, I'm still going to say she's a pain in the arse. The "rude comment" was made on here, not to her mum.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lol amused me that you called her stubborn interfering pain and yet she does you a massive favour by allowing you some free time away from your child

I'm not sure that's a fair thing to say. None of us know what her mum is like. My mother is a stubborn interfering pain at times and does me massive favours.

Sounds fair comment to me.

No, it's not fair. Doing some baby sitting isn't some magical thing that means you can behave how you want without being criticised.

i agree that her mum should not dictate how she should lead her life, but id certainly not made a rude comment about the very person who gives the freedom to lead the lifestyle she chooses too.

I think she's perfectly within her rights to call her whatever she feels. She's her mother and she came on here with a difficult thread for some advice, not to be criticised about her wording. My mother is a complete pain in the arse yet she's had my dog overnight as I'm not well, I'm still going to say she's a pain in the arse. The "rude comment" was made on here, not to her mum."

If thats how you treat and think of your parents then fair play.. we will agree to disagree then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lol amused me that you called her stubborn interfering pain and yet she does you a massive favour by allowing you some free time away from your child

I'm not sure that's a fair thing to say. None of us know what her mum is like. My mother is a stubborn interfering pain at times and does me massive favours.

Sounds fair comment to me.

No, it's not fair. Doing some baby sitting isn't some magical thing that means you can behave how you want without being criticised.

i agree that her mum should not dictate how she should lead her life, but id certainly not made a rude comment about the very person who gives the freedom to lead the lifestyle she chooses too.

I think she's perfectly within her rights to call her whatever she feels. She's her mother and she came on here with a difficult thread for some advice, not to be criticised about her wording. My mother is a complete pain in the arse yet she's had my dog overnight as I'm not well, I'm still going to say she's a pain in the arse. The "rude comment" was made on here, not to her mum.

If thats how you treat and think of your parents then fair play.. we will agree to disagree then"

Parent, I don't have my dad anymore. My love for my mum is not affected by the fact that she irritates me at times. I'm sure she'd say the same thing about me, in fact she does.

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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville

Whatever who said what and whoever who thinks what of whatever wotsist said about oojit,,,Good luck OP, Im sure it won't be as bad as you think......

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

I'm one of those interfering, pain in the arse mothers, with a small grandson.

IF I was your mother, I may not like what you do and I may not agree with it (more to do with our little girls never growing up than anything else). But would I stop babysitting to make it difficult for you?

No

I'd give you a lengthy and well trout out lecture every time I saw you, just to piss you off, but I'd never stop seeing my grandson for something YOU choose to do.

Stop worrying about it until she actually says she's not babysitting. And if she does, then that has to be her choice, one to which she is entitled.....but if, as you say, her having your child overnight is as much for her benefit...then once the initial shock has worn off...hopefully you won't have any problems.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Two things puzzle me.

1. Threesomes are frowned on in your family ? Have you had many discussions on polyamorous relationships around the dinner table ?

2. Your mum won't babysit if she knows your going swinging ?

Would you really say to her , 'Mind the baby i'm off out for some meaningless, gratuitous , hard thrusting , wet , n.s.a sex ?

Why can't you say i'm off to meet a pal ?"

What you missed was without her babysitting i can't necessarily do this!!

It wasn't all about her opinion of what i'm doing, yes if she disagrees and refuses to babysit i will have no choice to accept it and try and seek other sources - i'm not 'getting into a panic' purely of her thinking i'm off putting it around

Over the years you can generally find out your family/friends thoughts and opinions on things so no, a 'discussion over the dining table' isn't really needed!

I didn't really have a life before this (yes i will freely admit it!) so now every time i want to go out she knows its to go on my 'date'- though now she obviously knows the real reason i'm going out

As i said it takes my mum a while to calm down over things and think rationally, i have to wait for the storm to blow over before i can attempt to convince her i'm not sleeping around and that i'm being safe and sensible about it all. If i can figure out how to put her mind at ease that i'm not in danger or whatever she may well carry on helping me. If not, well . . . i'm fucked basically!

It was purely me asking for advice on how to calm her down and help her know that being in the swinging scene isn't as bad as the taboo about it makes it seem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I have no idea how she found out, she literally came out with 'are you swinging?' and it threw me that much that i froze and i struggled to even think of a lie so i just came out and said yes

I did try and get in about how i'm being safe, no one is forcing me to do anything and that when i do clubs i'm with friends and i'm never left alone. I made the point of saying its all safe sex, i get checked regularly and that i'm not exactly sleeping with loads of people, just one reg guy and maybe people at a club

But like i said my family have the beliefs that you meet someone and then its the whole standard vanilla relationship terms and anything else is taboo

Yes my mum does me a favor having him once a month overnight but that is as much for her benefit as mine as that is her alone time with him!

If i could afford babysitting i would much rather have that so that she doesn't know when i'm going out and i don't have to rely on her - trust me!

If when she is completely calm and the dust has settled she says she simply doesn't feel comfortable babysitting so that i can go do it then of course i will respect that, but its getting through the initial ranting and arguments that are due

She even admitted herself that since i started doing this a few months back i have completely changed - i have a life, friends and confidence and i'm wanting more out of life now

It takes a while for her to calm down and listen to things rationally sometimes

She wouldn't stop seeing him just because of that, she'll just do more trips to mine and stop in and see him and just not babysit so i can go off

If i had joint custody or even a ex that was remotely involved meaning i had time to myself id do it in that time, but i don't so i have to work it around school and when my mum can babysit

Its the waiting for her to call and give me hell that's killing me "

Im in a different situation to you. my kids are grown up so dont need babysitters, but am on here as a married woman,OH doesnt know, but if my mum found out she definately wouldnt understand. For my age group, she is a older mother in her 80's so things like this are out of the question. Good luck with your mum, she loves you im sure so will get used to it hopefully.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Can i also just say i never once said she would stop seeing my son altogether - just that she would stop babysitting for me when i want to go out!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Omg if my mum knew I was on here, I don't know how she'd react; yes I do, I would have the lecture from hell.

Catholic family and up bringing.

But I'm a consenting adult with a consenting hubby

I feel for you and fingers crossed for you.

Your not harming anyone at the end of the day; your single and happy if your mum has noticed a change in you too, point that out, to why your happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm not so sure that an adult woman who gets in a panic over her mum's opinion of her relationship is ready to handle swinging per se.

It's a bummer. It's not fatal.

Don't argue with her.

Listen to her.

Be thankful she gives a shit.

Don't explain what swinging is and what you get up to and how she shouldn't worry that is pointless.

When she's finished , acknowledge the parts where she is right and thank her for her advice.

Don't make any promises.

Carry on conducting your sex life as you want to."

I agree with granny on this.

Sorry sassy, but my mother is awful.

If she found out about my 'lifestyle' I doubt our already bad relationship would survive.

Talking from my point of _iew, no matter how tricky it is for you, I would do what I could to prevent my parents from controlling my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having daughters of my own I can see where your mum is coming from!

Give her time and she will come round, let her get her head round everything and let her mention it to you!

You don't have to explain anything to her, just assure her that your safe and with friends

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Talking from my point of _iew, no matter how tricky it is for you, I would do what I could to prevent my parents from controlling my life."

I wouldn't say my mother controls my life - but she can make it difficult very easily in more aspects than just refusing to babysit for me, purely because i have no one really besides her - and kind of my dad (for certain things anyway!) - for anything since i am a completely single parent and i don't have much to do with other family members

I never relied on my parents growing up but now i'm unfortunately in the situation where i have to if i want to do anything or get anything done

.

Thanks everyone for advice both on here and in private, still haven't heard from her which being her is a good sign i think as she may actually listen to me the longer she has to think!

I know my mum well enough to know how she feels on things - she doesn't agree with this kind of stuff and she will want me to stop and when i don't she'll attempt to make it that difficult that i'll just 'give up'

It's what she has always done with things she doesn't like me doing!

Refusing to come babysit so i can't leave the house without my son will be her main one as its the easiest and most effective - no babysitting, no meet!

finger crossed though . . .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the end of the day your old enough to live your life the way you see fit.

Your mum will have to accept it eventually, just leave her to calm down and then sit her down and have an adult conversation about it.

I'm sure in time she'll carry on sitting once a month.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

this is oing to sound relly hars and i dont have kids ad probably would find it hard to a this to my parents if i did but....

if she only babysits if you promise not to swing anymore, tell her she cant pick and choose. she looks after your son and asks no questions or she doesnt ever and you work around what time you ave currently.

holding you to ransom because you rely on her is not a very adult thing to do

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull


"id call her first and get it over and done with.. no point worrying.

if i do that with my mum i'd just be adding fuel to the fire - i need to just wait til she's ready to talk"

Don't ring her..give her time.....she will come to you or ignore the fact she knows..let her deal with it her way..

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

My parents have kniwn for sometime. They know I attend clubs and why. They know I am safe there. They are still worried about me and I am 41. They are also old fashioned. They also babysit for me and them helping me means I have a life too.

I hope it goes ok xx

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Cough ......

Not babysitting when she knows it's a swing meet doesn't necessarily mean she is trying to control what the O.P. does.

If she sees swinging as immoral then she believes she is acting in her daughters best interests or at least isn't aiding and abetting immoral acts.

None of use would take part in allowing our children - even our adult children - to take themselves into what we perceive as a dangerous and downward spiral.

If the O.P. can't swing without mum's help then she'll have to find another way or take a 16 year break.

Motherhood and adulthood... Them's the breaks.

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland


"Cough ......

Not babysitting when she knows it's a swing meet doesn't necessarily mean she is trying to control what the O.P. does.

If she sees swinging as immoral then she believes she is acting in her daughters best interests or at least isn't aiding and abetting immoral acts.

None of use would take part in allowing our children - even our adult children - to take themselves into what we perceive as a dangerous and downward spiral.

If the O.P. can't swing without mum's help then she'll have to find another way or take a 16 year break.

Motherhood and adulthood... Them's the breaks."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

so . . . she rang just now

Don't think she could have made it any more obvious that she wasn't going to be 'available' for babysitting for quite a while

Looks like my trips to meet Ruby are over along with the majority of other meets

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull


"so . . . she rang just now

Don't think she could have made it any more obvious that she wasn't going to be 'available' for babysitting for quite a while

Looks like my trips to meet Ruby are over along with the majority of other meets "

Oh PM, I am sorry...give her time...she might still be reeling. Do you think she would really be willing to forego seeing the little one because of this? x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"so . . . she rang just now

Don't think she could have made it any more obvious that she wasn't going to be 'available' for babysitting for quite a while

Looks like my trips to meet Ruby are over along with the majority of other meets

Oh PM, I am sorry...give her time...she might still be reeling. Do you think she would really be willing to forego seeing the little one because of this? x"

Thanks

She wont stop seeing him, she just wont babysit so i can go out

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By *pecifically1Woman
over a year ago

Hull


"so . . . she rang just now

Don't think she could have made it any more obvious that she wasn't going to be 'available' for babysitting for quite a while

Looks like my trips to meet Ruby are over along with the majority of other meets

Oh PM, I am sorry...give her time...she might still be reeling. Do you think she would really be willing to forego seeing the little one because of this? x

Thanks

She wont stop seeing him, she just wont babysit so i can go out"

Then as tough as this may be, perhaps you need to make it clear she needs to have both.....

You still need a life whether that is swinging or by some other means..

Have you no friends who would babysit for you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Cough ......

Not babysitting when she knows it's a swing meet doesn't necessarily mean she is trying to control what the O.P. does.

If she sees swinging as immoral then she believes she is acting in her daughters best interests or at least isn't aiding and abetting immoral acts.

None of use would take part in allowing our children - even our adult children - to take themselves into what we perceive as a dangerous and downward spiral.

If the O.P. can't swing without mum's help then she'll have to find another way or take a 16 year break.

Motherhood and adulthood... Them's the breaks."

Agree with this .....much has been said about the op's right to her life and that is a fair point but...her mother also has choices and opinions to which she also is entitled and if she sees that her babysitting is condoning something she is set against then i can understand why she would be unwilling to facilitate this...doesn't make either of them a bad person.

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"Cough ......

Not babysitting when she knows it's a swing meet doesn't necessarily mean she is trying to control what the O.P. does.

If she sees swinging as immoral then she believes she is acting in her daughters best interests or at least isn't aiding and abetting immoral acts.

None of use would take part in allowing our children - even our adult children - to take themselves into what we perceive as a dangerous and downward spiral.

If the O.P. can't swing without mum's help then she'll have to find another way or take a 16 year break.

Motherhood and adulthood... Them's the breaks.

Agree with this .....much has been said about the op's right to her life and that is a fair point but...her mother also has choices and opinions to which she also is entitled and if she sees that her babysitting is condoning something she is set against then i can understand why she would be unwilling to facilitate this...doesn't make either of them a bad person."

I agree too. It's crap I know but If my mum found out she would do the same, not to be a bitch but coz she would be worried about me and would think its in my best interest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell her its a bit like a nomal dating site ....... as a lot here are on both and say its all very boring really . but away lots meet now .You wish to meet new people who are local as need to make friends. Do you know some think allsorts and maybe your mums mind is working over time and your safety ,

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814


"Cough ......

I agree too. It's crap I know but If my mum found out she would do the same, not to be a bitch but coz she would be worried about me and would think its in my best interest. "

Speak as a mother with 2 children in their 20's....I would do the same!!

Would not like to see my daughter doing this....

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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

I'm a single mum with a young son too, so I understand the frustrations... but at the end of the day - its your mums choice, and if she isn't happy babysitting for that side of your life, then you need to find alternative arrangements.

I don't speak to my mother at all, and would never ask my dad to babysit so I could go for a meet... that is wrong in my eyes. Its not part of my life that involves them, and I would not feel comfortable making up an excuse about it.

I have a close friend who will babysit, or I can arrange it for when my ex has my son (which can be somewhat erratic) so not always to be banked on.

Sorry to be blunt, and it may be unpleasant reality, but your son should be your first and foremost concern. If I didn't have somewhere safe to put my child for my adult time - then I would give it up - and by somewhere safe, I mean somewhere that I am not telling lies to cover my time away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Its the waiting for her to call and give me hell that's killing me

She's probably checking put your profile first... just to get her facts straight.

I don't know if she knows im on here, it may have been from my LH profile for all i know as it mentions swinging there

What's an LH profile?

Lovehoney profile."

Answered with the speed of a loyal and regular Lovehoney customer

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"She wont stop seeing him, she just wont babysit so i can go out

Then as tough as this may be, perhaps you need to make it clear she needs to have both.....

?"

She needs to babysit are you saying?

If so grandmothers don't have to babysit when required, but if they want to they can

It sounds like the OP mum has decided to accept her lifestyle but doesn't want to encourage it, so by saying no to babysitting that is what she is doing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So your mum has found out you swing ?

You also don't know how, when and where she found out ?

The assumption is love honey but you aren't sure ?

It could be through here ?

In the light of this, you still choose to show your profile publically including pictures and verifications.

That to me demonstrates either a lack of respect for how your lifestyle choices may be affecting her or a 'well it's out there now, what have i got to lose ?' approach

It is of course your life, your choices, your decision, but personally, I would look at censoring parts of your profile until the dust does settle.

I wish you well and hope that you do manage to build a bridge with your mum.

From what I have read you are luckier than you perhaps realise, because the reality could have been far, far worse x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Its the waiting for her to call and give me hell that's killing me

She's probably checking put your profile first... just to get her facts straight.

I don't know if she knows im on here, it may have been from my LH profile for all i know as it mentions swinging there

What's an LH profile?

Lovehoney profile.

Answered with the speed of a loyal and regular Lovehoney customer "

Too right! Haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

What's an LH profile?

Lovehoney profile.

Answered with the speed of a loyal and regular Lovehoney customer

Too right! Haha"

Hope you get a discount for buying in bulk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Find another baby sitter would be my advice.. your mum may come around.. I'm so glad my parents were swingers.

However I would explain things to your mum.. as most people's _iews of swinging are what they have heard or seen on tv.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Erm when mum calls tell her you love SINGING... Ear wax problem...

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By *ecor atorMan
over a year ago

York

How olds yer mum, I could have a go on her while you are out.

All in the interest of balance obviously.

Keeps her match fit too! ??

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By *issHottieBottieWoman
over a year ago

Kent


"How olds yer mum, I could have a go on her while you are out.

All in the interest of balance obviously.

Keeps her match fit too! ??"

Hehe.. This made me chuckle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm a single mum with a young son too, so I understand the frustrations... but at the end of the day - its your mums choice, and if she isn't happy babysitting for that side of your life, then you need to find alternative arrangements.

I don't speak to my mother at all, and would never ask my dad to babysit so I could go for a meet... that is wrong in my eyes. Its not part of my life that involves them, and I would not feel comfortable making up an excuse about it.

I have a close friend who will babysit, or I can arrange it for when my ex has my son (which can be somewhat erratic) so not always to be banked on.

Sorry to be blunt, and it may be unpleasant reality, but your son should be your first and foremost concern. If I didn't have somewhere safe to put my child for my adult time - then I would give it up - and by somewhere safe, I mean somewhere that I am not telling lies to cover my time away."

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

I am not a parent and I have no experience to draw upon but if I had a daughter in her early 20's with a child, I would not want her to swing, of course it would be her choice but not one I would be happy with or encourage in any way shape or form.

maybe if you pay to travel to meet partners, they may help with your babysitting expenses.

good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Day time meets maybe your answer? I assume your little one goes to school/ play group or whatever?! XxX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"lol amused me that you called her stubborn interfering pain and yet she does you a massive favour by allowing you some free time away from your child "

massive favour i think pleaseme does that by letting her mom spend time with the little one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really want to know how she found out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I really want to know how she found out."

Me too. Basically, its a shame her mum found out but in the end I think its the posters business, shame re babysitting, but like someone said, daytime meets if possible, when baby is out at nursery or wherever he goes. I have a daughter in her 20's and wouldnt like to find out she and her partner did this, but its their business and as im on here, it would be the pot calling the kettle black really.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I told my brother outright what I do though no details. He knows me better than to say anything. However, I had to pick a time when his oh wasn't there as she is very judgememtal. When she found out she did try to lecture me until I pointed out I was old enough and single and would run my life as I saw fit. That's the beauty if being my age, I suppose.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm not so sure that an adult woman who gets in a panic over her mum's opinion of her relationship is ready to handle swinging per se.

It's a bummer. It's not fatal.

Don't argue with her.

Listen to her.

Be thankful she gives a shit.

Don't explain what swinging is and what you get up to and how she shouldn't worry that is pointless.

When she's finished , acknowledge the parts where she is right and thank her for her advice.

Don't make any promises.

Carry on conducting your sex life as you want to."

Agree completely with Granny on this - specially the first line.

And BEFORE you say ANYTHING to your Mum - you need to know EXACTLY how she found out... That may colour how you approach telling her (not that it's really any of her business) and how much you tell her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP - read somewhere above that you think your Mum would NEVER do 3somes or sleep with multiple partners, etc etc.

There's a little rule I think you need to learn - NEVER assume ANYTHING.

I had a GF many years ago who had a Mum who (I thought) would never have done anything remotely 'naughty' - she was always preaching to her/us about the wrongs of sex before marriage, you name it.

After I finished going out with that GF, guess what I found out from someone who knew her Mum when she was in her late teens.....?????? Her 'pious' Mummy was the local 'bike', for want of a better description.

Just because your Mum has a certain attitude towards all things sexual to YOU, don't make the assumption that that's what she's like towards anyone else - specially men of her age!!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound


"OP - read somewhere above that you think your Mum would NEVER do 3somes or sleep with multiple partners, etc etc.

There's a little rule I think you need to learn - NEVER assume ANYTHING.

I had a GF many years ago who had a Mum who (I thought) would never have done anything remotely 'naughty' - she was always preaching to her/us about the wrongs of sex before marriage, you name it.

After I finished going out with that GF, guess what I found out from someone who knew her Mum when she was in her late teens.....?????? Her 'pious' Mummy was the local 'bike', for want of a better description.

Just because your Mum has a certain attitude towards all things sexual to YOU, don't make the assumption that that's what she's like towards anyone else - specially men of her age!!"

A very good point. In fact, look at the number of posts from swingers who would not wish their own adult children to swing.

Pleasme, I'm not sure how you find out how she found out but your on-line security might need beefing up a little.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"OP - read somewhere above that you think your Mum would NEVER do 3somes or sleep with multiple partners, etc etc.

There's a little rule I think you need to learn - NEVER assume ANYTHING.

I had a GF many years ago who had a Mum who (I thought) would never have done anything remotely 'naughty' - she was always preaching to her/us about the wrongs of sex before marriage, you name it.

After I finished going out with that GF, guess what I found out from someone who knew her Mum when she was in her late teens.....?????? Her 'pious' Mummy was the local 'bike', for want of a better description.

Just because your Mum has a certain attitude towards all things sexual to YOU, don't make the assumption that that's what she's like towards anyone else - specially men of her age!!

A very good point. In fact, look at the number of posts from swingers who would not wish their own adult children to swing.

Pleasme, I'm not sure how you find out how she found out but your on-line security might need beefing up a little."

Know what I'd put money on.... the person who spotted Pleasme on here being the husband/partner of one her Mum's female 'friends'...

If I am on the right lines, then Pleasme is being honest about what she is doing, but the guy/person who spotted her is unlike to be, isn't he(she)... But I doubt if her Mum either knows, or wants to know, the truth.

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