FabSwingers.com forum: Imposter syndrome and sex

By *inkyPair2018 OP Couple
8 weeks ago

Wolves and Northants

Anyone ever felt apprehensive about getting deep down and dirty with a fellow potential meet for fear of being perceived as inadequate, inferior, or incompetent and being wracked with self doubt?

Even though on balance you’ve only ever really had great sexual experiences in the past so know you can indulge.

What techniques do you put in place to overcome these anxieties and just throw yourself right in?

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By *oeBeansMan
8 weeks ago

Derby

Ooof, I feel seen! To be honest, I've still not found a way to fully overcome it. I tend to use a bit of self depreciation with the aim to manage expectations so that I don't get in my own head about it. I mean, if their expectations are low, they can only be pleasantly surprised, right? 😅

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By *exyScientistsCouple
8 weeks ago

Castlebar

"Anyone ever felt apprehensive about getting deep down and dirty with a fellow potential meet for fear of being perceived as inadequate, inferior, or incompetent and being wracked with self doubt?

Even though on balance you’ve only ever really had great sexual experiences in the past so know you can indulge.

What techniques do you put in place to overcome these anxieties and just throw yourself right in? "

I really admire anyone who has no self doubt. It must be great to feel that way. I guess I just through myself in and wing it. Fake it til you make it and all that 🤣

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By *ornyRebel88Man
8 weeks ago

Fermoy

Haven’t met someone on here yet as it’s hard with no verifications however I’ve never lacked confidence in bed. I like to take control and am a very generous lover. Key for me is ask for feedback and guidance

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
8 weeks ago

East Sussex

The first meet we ever had I felt apprehensive because I imagined that everyone else was like real life porn stars. I quickly realised that this wasn't the case and thereafter just went with flow and didn't think about it.

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By *inkyycurvyyWoman
8 weeks ago

Manchester

Almost every time I have sex with someone new 😅

I just have to remind myself that they want to be there with me and they must be into me, so go with it.

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By *ornyRebel88Man
8 weeks ago

Fermoy

"Almost every time I have sex with someone new 😅

I just have to remind myself that they want to be there with me and they must be into me, so go with it. "

Oh I’m sure they are very into you

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By *aven2Couple
8 weeks ago

Weston Super Mare

I think I spend my life winging it too

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By *ildTimes.Man
8 weeks ago

Colchester/London

Lol No....🥪

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
8 weeks ago

Hastings

First I try to under sell myself.

And I always want to meet first to brake the ice.

But is this harder for guys if it dose not want to get hard it's a no go.

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

Always

That first time is always a little nervous / first night nerves

But hopefully you both enjoy it enough for round 2, be that the same or subsequent meet

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
8 weeks ago

East Sussex

The thing is they want to meet you, you're not responsible for managing their expectations and probably they're too busy hoping they will live up to their own hype

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By *eroLondonMan
8 weeks ago

Mayfair

In a nutshell, yes.

For me, personally, I don't think of it really as anything to do with confidence or assuredness (I don't lack in that regard), but more to do with not living up to their expectations when meeting for the first time, and not conforming to whatever playbook or roadmap they have in their mind about how the sex will go/should go.

In essence I fear the spectre of inadequacy.

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By *cflirtyMan
8 weeks ago

Hampshire

If there is no fear at all, you are a hard rock! Nerves are what make us stronger in the long run! Just think the other person is probably feeling the same way so have a giggle and the ice is broken

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By *amie HantsWoman
8 weeks ago

Atlantis

Yes.

I can be pretty intimidated if someone has a lot of sexual experiences.

I’m really glad to hear you had 4 women tied up squirting out enough to put out LA whilst the 5th and 6th did acrobatics on your face. We’re not going to do any of that. Can I interest you in missionary?

On the whole I’m pretty confident but sometimes I get in my own head and think fuck am I boring?!

It doesn’t ever last long but I do get those niggles of doubt.

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By *ansoffateMan
8 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

If I am feeling it enough with someone it simply overwhelms any feelings of doubt. And I don't really go for less than that feeling, as that's what I am accustomed to and desire.

It's not some great belief in my abilities or anything like that. I just think it's about the connection or chemistry or whatever you want to call it that I have with that person.

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By *eoBloomsMan
8 weeks ago

Springfield

I actually am inadequate, inferior incompetent and wracked with self doubt so I don't feel an imposter at all.

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By *ornyRebel88Man
8 weeks ago

Fermoy

"Yes.

I can be pretty intimidated if someone has a lot of sexual experiences.

On the whole I’m pretty confident but sometimes I get in my own head and think fuck am I boring?!

It doesn’t ever last long but I do get those niggles of doubt. "

I doubt you’d ever be boring

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By *exyScientistsCouple
8 weeks ago

Castlebar

It's the people that make me forget that self doubt that I will always want to see again. When you meet someone and it all fades away....

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By *oeBeansMan
8 weeks ago

Derby

"Yes.

I can be pretty intimidated if someone has a lot of sexual experiences.

On the whole I’m pretty confident but sometimes I get in my own head and think fuck am I boring?!

It doesn’t ever last long but I do get those niggles of doubt. "

Yes! I absolutely get what you mean here. I worry aboht these women and couples who have had all these great and wild experiences that it leaves me wondering what they see in me and what I can offer that different to what they've had in order to be memorable. It's a brutal way of overthinking.

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By *midnight-Woman
8 weeks ago

...

Every time!

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By *ornycougaWoman
8 weeks ago

Wherever I lay my hat

Yes and no. It's been a while since I have felt inadequate in my own performance or about my body (I used to have huge insecurities and confidence issues about both). But I tend to discount guys for one on one meets who usually meet hotwives/go to clubs/parties etc. because I worry that the experience of the meet will be sufficient.

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By *ornycougaWoman
8 weeks ago

Wherever I lay my hat

"Yes and no. It's been a while since I have felt inadequate in my own performance or about my body (I used to have huge insecurities and confidence issues about both). But I tend to discount guys for one on one meets who usually meet hotwives/go to clubs/parties etc. because I worry that the experience of the meet will be sufficient. "

I mean insufficient

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By *he Silver FuxMan
8 weeks ago

Uttoxeter

Teach yourself reckless abandon.

It’s highly unlikely that anyone is going to have a bad time so relax… enjoy.

Embrace the diversity of experience, learn, guide, teach..

Always remember we do this because it’s pleasurable and fun.

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By *onkeynutWoman
8 weeks ago

somewhere

Ugh yes! To a degree anyway. I overthink about lots of things before a meet. I don’t really have any coping strategies other than telling myself if he didn’t want to be here he wouldn’t.

I don’t tend to do one offs, I prefer regular meets because second time onwards any overthinking/worries are gone and I’m much more relaxed.

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By *empest2KMan
8 weeks ago

Derby

"Anyone ever felt apprehensive about getting deep down and dirty with a fellow potential meet for fear of being perceived as inadequate, inferior, or incompetent and being wracked with self doubt?

Even though on balance you’ve only ever really had great sexual experiences in the past so know you can indulge.

What techniques do you put in place to overcome these anxieties and just throw yourself right in? "

To be fair, getting down and dirty with a potential meet is always a nervous affair for me.

I guess it can be best described as a good theme park ride. Chatting with your meet is like being in the queue for the ride, psyching yourself up for the big moment in the process. Being on the ride is the actual getting down and dirty where it's a bit scary but very exciting. Then there's the walking away from the ride bit which is kinda like parting ways with your meet and realising it was less daunting and more exciting than you thought. Well, that's how I try to think of it, and I still get nervous on theme park rides even now, especially the fast rides 🤣

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By *exySiren01Woman
8 weeks ago

RCT

Every single time! I try and turn the anxiety and apprehension mainly about thinking are they sure they want to be with me into nervous excitement and dive right to it. I find as soon as the kissing starts any thoughts of apprehension disappear

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By *rHotNottsMan
8 weeks ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Yeah a little bit. Sometimes I can’t believe how lucky I am & theres a huge expectation to be great at sex. I think I cared less when younger too.

It helps me, knowing that the gorgeous women I meet that make me feel way, often feel the same.

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By *umagain58Man
8 weeks ago

London

No one should feel like that but know easy to say. We tend to think others are better than us and having more fun. In reality not always the case and just a perception. I try not to worry about it. Have met many lovely people. Maybe am lucky as talk in advance what all like or not and what can do or not. That helps me anyway. Sorry for rambling thoughts

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By *aughtylist DuoCouple
8 weeks ago

Kilmarnock

I'm really insecure about my body. I've had kids and things are soft and squishy lol. Once I have a vodka or two I'm usually a bit more confident, but I generally think if someone messages us, it's my husband they're after, not me or when we meet irl they'll be repulsed by me

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By *GoodGirlGemxCouple
8 weeks ago

Glasgow

Yes! I thought this was just me. I always get nervous before a meet. I’m not very body confident and worry about what they’ll think of me in person and whether they’ll enjoy the sexual experience, especially if they’ve met a lot of girls who are “smaller” than me 🫣

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By *vaRose43Woman
8 weeks ago

Forest of Dean

Yes

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By *ir tootMan
8 weeks ago

Burton-on-Trent

Definitely oh most definitely.

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By *atinaChica54Woman
8 weeks ago

Marlborough

Always feel this for every one of my meets...find wine 🍷 really helpful at this point. It's all part of my CBT I tell myself 😄

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By *eautifully TwistedWoman
8 weeks ago

Telford

I always do my best to make someone feel good, I might not hit it every time but that's more likely to happen with someone new. I don't know them intimately yet ha.

I'm good at reading body language though and I am happy to communicate and recieve feedback, as in if they want me to tweak anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

For me this is something that comes with experience. When I first started I probably had more negative thoughts than positive ones and doubted myself in general. But now im pretty confident in myself, my abilities in the bedroom and I don't get intimidated by anyone. Compatability, attraction and connections are all subjective to each individual but does not reflect who you are and what you bring to the table.

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By *ell GwynnWoman
8 weeks ago

North Yorkshire

Yes, the first couple of times with someone new, I have this little niggling worry that I'm not any good at sex and they'll be disappointed. It soon disappears once I get lost in the "activities", and it's never strong enough to stop me meeting someone.

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By *midnight-Woman
8 weeks ago

...

Fake it 'til you make it!

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By *ea monkeyMan
8 weeks ago

Manchester (he/him)

Yes, of course.

I think it’s a fairly common thing. I often get nervous before a meet and if I’ll meet expectations.

I generally try to manage expectations of people beforehand, I’m not a pornstar and neither are they, we’re just two people that hopefully will enjoy each others company

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By *illy IdolMan
8 weeks ago

Midlands

I used to worry about being inadequate but I no longer worry about it. I now just focus on enjoying myself, and if they don't enjoy it, just put it down to not being compatible.

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By *eroLondonMan
8 weeks ago

Mayfair

Wise words from this fine fellow ^. He's rarely wise but frequently a jolly good fellow.

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By *illy IdolMan
8 weeks ago

Midlands

"Wise words from this fine fellow ^. He's rarely wise but frequently a jolly good fellow."

To acquire knowledge, one must study, but to acquire wisdom, one must observe.

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

I always feel inadequate. I feel like anyone I meet would be expecting more or better than I can ever give or be. I put myself down and tell anyone who messages me that I'm not good enough for them, that I never will be, so that they can go find someone else who will be good enough. I never feel like my pics are showing me even though they are. My pics aren't great, but I feel like I'm not as good as they are

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By *ein-guyMan
8 weeks ago

Cowes

Always feel like I'll be a let down and be compared and then be talked about as 'that guy' with their friends!

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
8 weeks ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

No, because I am Tina Titz and I bring jelly babies to meets

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

Don’t overthink things, just remember to breathe and take it slowly and take things one step at a time.

If you have had positive experiences in the past there is no reason why things will be any different.

I usually like a slow seduction for a first time meet which allows you both a chance to settle and get into the flow.

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By *sWyldWoman
8 weeks ago

Edinburgh

I'm far from confident in myself in anything and certainly not about my body. I always fear they will get me naked and change their minds.

I don't however worry about the sex bit as such. I don't fancy myself as some sort of goddess or great lover but I think I can hold my own pretty well. I've certainly usually got plenty of enthusiasm and a desire to please.

I just have to hope that I do and that energy is matched so the experience is good for us both

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By *tephenAndHisPicklenicMan
8 weeks ago

Ends

I usually just pack some large condoms to make me feel more confident.

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By (user no longer on site)
8 weeks ago

Yes. I let them know in advance that having sex with me is a mediocre experience at best. That usually calms the nerves.

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By *tephenAndHisPicklenicMan
8 weeks ago

Ends

"Yes. I let them know in advance that having sex with me is a mediocre experience at best. That usually calms the nerves. "

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
8 weeks ago

Central

I got some apprehension before some meets plus excitement. I think it's pretty common. They've always worked fine and I'd wAlk away. I think it's fine to just go with the flow and to relax. It's trivial in the grand scheme of things

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By *ags73Man
8 weeks ago

glasgow-ish

"Anyone ever felt apprehensive about getting deep down and dirty with a fellow potential meet for fear of being perceived as inadequate, inferior, or incompetent and being wracked with self doubt?

Even though on balance you’ve only ever really had great sexual experiences in the past so know you can indulge.

What techniques do you put in place to overcome these anxieties and just throw yourself right in? "

For me, fear only comes from person-ing and the social and chat bits of it.

Breathing, remembering name, thinking positively and thinking conversations/chats, what to ask. Would be in my head beforehand.

Being on time, thinking how to get there, what to do are things that you can plan around as well as what to wear.

Those things you can control or sort out yourself beforehand.

As for ‘performing’ that’s in yourself, that’ll happen when and if something happens and having doubts before you start seems like extra drama to me.

I suppose it depends on how long ago was last time, was your last effort a ‘mare or is there a specific and genuine reason to believe that you’d be shite?

If not take the load off and go and do what you can.

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By *eliWoman
8 weeks ago

I wouldn't say I'm ever wracked with self doubt - I'd probably take some time away from Fab and work on myself a bit, my confidence levels if that was the case.

But I do get those feelings of apprehension, of potentially not being good enough. I suppose I don't help matters when I discuss how much I love certain sexual acts but there's also a feeling that some people put me on a pedestal. And then there's the more generalised overthinking because I'm actually quite dorky and chubby and maybe they've fucked all these middle aged (40+) sex goddesses who do clubs and mmfs and gangbangs and anal and that's not me.

But then I relax in to being with the person, enjoy my time with them mindfully and remind myself that it's meant to be fun and not something I give *too* much headspace to worrying about.

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By *iss.BellaWoman
8 weeks ago

Wales

I am very inexperienced compared to most on here so I tend to worry that I'll be too boring. I try to make sure their expectations aren't too high in the lead up.

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By *ife NinjaMan
8 weeks ago

Dunfermline

My age is my thing. I feel, looking at say a 35 odd year old lady, what would they get, going to bed with me?

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By *ensualtongue2023Man
8 weeks ago

furnace

Fun passion excitement experience and maturity

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By *midnight-Woman
8 weeks ago

...

Comparison is the thief of all joy ...

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By *a LunaWoman
8 weeks ago

South Wales

"Comparison is the thief of all joy ... "

This!

Everyone gets nervous, I think that is to be expected. But the key to awesome sex is to concentrate on the present. Who you are with, your connection, have fun and just go with it.

Don’t overthink it. Sex should be fun, not a study case on how well you suck cock or lick fanny.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
8 weeks ago

Leeds

"Anyone ever felt apprehensive about getting deep down and dirty with a fellow potential meet for fear of being perceived as inadequate, inferior, or incompetent and being wracked with self doubt?

Even though on balance you’ve only ever really had great sexual experiences in the past so know you can indulge.

What techniques do you put in place to overcome these anxieties and just throw yourself right in? "

Yes, yes, yes..... I have no solution other than I'm not currently meeting because of this.

If my mind isn't in the right place I just can't do it, my overthinking awkwardness just takes over.

Mrs

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By *ad NannaWoman
8 weeks ago

East London

No. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's The Sex.

I have limitations, as most of us do, but, I'm enthusiastic, and once I'm comfortable with someone, the gloves come off

Ask anyone who has had the pleasure

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By *ife NinjaMan
8 weeks ago

Dunfermline

"Comparison is the thief of all joy ...

This!

Everyone gets nervous, I think that is to be expected. But the key to awesome sex is to concentrate on the present. Who you are with, your connection, have fun and just go with it.

Don’t overthink it. Sex should be fun, not a study case on how well you suck cock or lick fanny."

Good points, but in the back of mind, I'm wondering if comparisons are being made, during love making

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By *a LunaWoman
8 weeks ago

South Wales

"Comparison is the thief of all joy ...

This!

Everyone gets nervous, I think that is to be expected. But the key to awesome sex is to concentrate on the present. Who you are with, your connection, have fun and just go with it.

Don’t overthink it. Sex should be fun, not a study case on how well you suck cock or lick fanny.

Good points, but in the back of mind, I'm wondering if comparisons are being made, during love making

Then you’re not (emotionally) present in the moment

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By *ife NinjaMan
8 weeks ago

Dunfermline

"Comparison is the thief of all joy ...

This!

Everyone gets nervous, I think that is to be expected. But the key to awesome sex is to concentrate on the present. Who you are with, your connection, have fun and just go with it.

Don’t overthink it. Sex should be fun, not a study case on how well you suck cock or lick fanny.

Good points, but in the back of mind, I'm wondering if comparisons are being made, during love making

Then you’re not (emotionally) present in the moment

Pull me in then, you Welsh goddess

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By *ulieScrumptiousWoman
8 weeks ago

North West

"Comparison is the thief of all joy ... "

This.

It's human nature and hard not to do. But we're far harder on ourselves than other people would be.

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By *tephenAndHisPicklenicMan
8 weeks ago

Ends

"No. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's The Sex.

I have limitations, as most of us do, but, I'm enthusiastic, and once I'm comfortable with someone, the gloves come off

Ask anyone who has had the pleasure

Who shall I ask?

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