FabSwingers.com forum: Overprotective parents

By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

apparently are the cause of their children being more at risk of being bullied.

Anybody agree with this? It was on the news today.

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

"apparently are the cause of their children being more at risk of being bullied.

Anybody agree with this? It was on the news today. "

Yes...

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"apparently are the cause of their children being more at risk of being bullied.

Anybody agree with this? It was on the news today.

Yes..."

So next question... what constitutes an overprotective parent?

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

being singled out... probably.

bullied, not sure

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"being singled out... probably.

bullied, not sure"
They did a study invlving I think 200,000 children and came to the conclusion that parents who protect their children actually make them more of a target for bullies.

Mind you bullies rarely see themselves as that but thats another story.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I'm not sure it leads to the children actually being bullied. I do think it can leave children less prepared, less resilient, as they grow up and that may make them _iew the natural knock-backs as being unfair or being bullied.

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

"apparently are the cause of their children being more at risk of being bullied.

Anybody agree with this? It was on the news today.

Yes...

So next question... what constitutes an overprotective parent? "

Those who don't allow their children out to integrate themselves with other children

Those who don't teach their children independence

Those who don't teach their children to stand up for what they believe in

Those who mollycoddle their kids and make their kids the centre of their lives...constantly

Those who don't allow their kids to get into scrapes, fall over, get dirty and get into arguments with other kids....

The list is endless.... In my eyes

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By *iewMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Angus & Findhorn

"being singled out... probably.

bullied, not sureThey did a study invlving I think 200,000 children and came to the conclusion that parents who protect their children actually make them more of a target for bullies.

Mind you bullies rarely see themselves as that but thats another story."

or are they a target because they have good parents by a small minority who may not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"apparently are the cause of their children being more at risk of being bullied.

Anybody agree with this? It was on the news today. "

Yes. My Mum wouldn't send me to Pre-school back in the mid 60's as she wanted to protect me from 'bullies' and I went though hell at Infants school because of it.

Both my boys went to Pre-school (their Mum owned and ran one) and both were fully integrated and socialised before they went to 'big school' and could hold their own with anyone.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

In the experience I have bullying is more prevalent among girls now and the top reasons are race and disability in other words difference. So if you appear different you are more likely to be bullied and I suppose that having overprotective parents might make you different.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I'm not sure it leads to the children actually being bullied. I do think it can leave children less prepared, less resilient, as they grow up and that may make them _iew the natural knock-backs as being unfair or being bullied."
I can see where you are coming from - kind of a hypersensitivity.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

So bullying is the fault of the victims parents? That would seem to be arse about face

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"apparently are the cause of their children being more at risk of being bullied.

Anybody agree with this? It was on the news today.

Yes...

So next question... what constitutes an overprotective parent?

Those who don't allow their children out to integrate themselves with other children

Those who don't teach their children independence

Those who don't teach their children to stand up for what they believe in

Those who mollycoddle their kids and make their kids the centre of their lives...constantly

Those who don't allow their kids to get into scrapes, fall over, get dirty and get into arguments with other kids....

The list is endless.... In my eyes"
I can see that lack of preparation for life could be a factor - especially as bullied children often become bullied teenagers and then go on to be bullied adults.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"So bullying is the fault of the victims parents? That would seem to be arse about face"
I m not sure they were saying that in so many words. I think it was more a study and the findings were published to encourage parents perhaps to teach independence and resilience rather than to overprotect from the knocks in life.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"In the experience I have bullying is more prevalent among girls now and the top reasons are race and disability in other words difference. So if you appear different you are more likely to be bullied and I suppose that having overprotective parents might make you different."
Very good point as well.. being different is often enough to be at the receiving end of bullying.

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I'm not sure it leads to the children actually being bullied. I do think it can leave children less prepared, less resilient, as they grow up and that may make them _iew the natural knock-backs as being unfair or being bullied.I can see where you are coming from - kind of a hypersensitivity."

It's not just that though. I think being over-protective sends out all sorts of messages about entitlement, needing someone to stand up for you, and creates anxious children and young people as they try to manage the anxiety of their parents.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I'm not sure it leads to the children actually being bullied. I do think it can leave children less prepared, less resilient, as they grow up and that may make them _iew the natural knock-backs as being unfair or being bullied.I can see where you are coming from - kind of a hypersensitivity.

So... you see the overprotective parent as an anxious parent who passes on the underlying "the world cannot be trusted, it is not safe"?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

my dad still wears the condom he used when he made me(he says)...he's washed it of course ffs!(a few times)

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"my dad still wears the condom he used when he made me(he says)...he's washed it of course ffs!(a few times) "
I sometimes wonder where I would be without your sound advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First rule of being a parent is to protect your offspring, end of story.

This so called report , sounds like a case of, we can't fix the bullying, lets apportion blame to alleviate our consciences about our failings !

Man up, bullying in any format is hideous, no more namby-pamby pc justifications please !

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I'm not sure it leads to the children actually being bullied. I do think it can leave children less prepared, less resilient, as they grow up and that may make them _iew the natural knock-backs as being unfair or being bullied.I can see where you are coming from - kind of a hypersensitivity.

So... you see the overprotective parent as an anxious parent who passes on the underlying "the world cannot be trusted, it is not safe"? "

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"First rule of being a parent is to protect your offspring, end of story.

This so called report , sounds like a case of, we can't fix the bullying, lets apportion blame to alleviate our consciences about our failings !

Man up, bullying in any format is hideous, no more namby-pamby pc justifications please ! "
That is another really interesting perspective. You are saying that we are so overwhelmed by the amount and the intensity of bullying that it cannot be controlled... so lets turn on somebody we could blame?

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"I'm not sure it leads to the children actually being bullied. I do think it can leave children less prepared, less resilient, as they grow up and that may make them _iew the natural knock-backs as being unfair or being bullied.I can see where you are coming from - kind of a hypersensitivity.

So... you see the overprotective parent as an anxious parent who passes on the underlying "the world cannot be trusted, it is not safe"?

Yes. The reasons will cover the whole gamut of stuff from their own upbringing and then some. I know one of my aunts had such a hard time getting and staying pregnant that when she did have a child, who was born very prematurely, she was never able to let her take any risks. The result is a woman in her 30s who behaves like a 12 year old."
Actually that makes sense - and if anything it shapes the young person into continuing the cycle of anxiety throughout their lives and even beyond onto the next generation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First rule of being a parent is to protect your offspring, end of story.

This so called report , sounds like a case of, we can't fix the bullying, lets apportion blame to alleviate our consciences about our failings !

Man up, bullying in any format is hideous, no more namby-pamby pc justifications please ! That is another really interesting perspective. You are saying that we are so overwhelmed by the amount and the intensity of bullying that it cannot be controlled... so lets turn on somebody we could blame? "

Yup, pretty much the jist of it ! The strong will always bully the weak, always have, always will, its inexcuseable, but in a society trying to purge and sanitise it's more base instincts, easier to shift the blame to a slightly more pallatable reasoning, coz the alternative suggests were are just animals with behavioural problems, yikes, animals, whatever next !

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

My dear Forum friend!!

I have not read any of the previous threads because I am lazy.....

I am an over-protective parent...I protect myself from my kids, which is why I sent one to Egypt for a whole year (they did not keep him grrrrrr) and the other one to Japan for another whole year......thank God she wants to go back and live there...My personal protection is intact....I can breath better aaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"My dear Forum friend!!

I have not read any of the previous threads because I am lazy.....

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"My dear Forum friend!!

I have not read any of the previous threads because I am lazy.....

Enfant terrible!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

kids are more likely to get bullied if their parents are over protective.

then again some kids maybe resentful that some kids have parents who realy care about them.

being over protective is bad and so is being neglectful.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"kids are more likely to get bullied if their parents are over protective.

then again some kids maybe resentful that some kids have parents who realy care about them.

being over protective is bad and so is being neglectful.

"
SO you are saying a healthy balance somewhere in the midle is best?

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

"My dear Forum friend!!

I have not read any of the previous threads because I am lazy.....

Enfant terrible!

Ha! a lady with education.....what do you make of our infamous De Pardieu?

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By *icked weaselCouple
over a year ago

Near Edinburgh..

Just to protect our little girl from bullies - we had her try karate..

It costs a bloody fortune (to us) but she really does seem to enjoy and not forced into it by any means..

it also gives them a bit of dicipline by calling teachers sir/miss etc and bowing before entering and leaving a room etc.. it seems all good manners before they knock lumps out of each other....

Is that over protective ???

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By *ady4ladyWoman
over a year ago

liverpool

My _iew is -

I was bullied, in no way were my parents overprotective.

I was bullied purely because I was different (tall).

I believe that a bully will always find a reason to bully someone, to make themselves feel better.

I myself was an over protective parent, my son, now 6ft 3 has not been the victim of bullying, ....... I may of been overprotective, but I also taught him how to kick in the gonads

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I agree with the people who are saying that this is a way to shift the blame for bullying (one of the nastier human traits) away from the bully and on to the victim. Bullying happens and it's down to the rest of us to step in when we see it not try and make excuses for the bullies.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"My dear Forum friend!!

I have not read any of the previous threads because I am lazy.....

Enfant terrible!

Ha! a lady with education.....what do you make of our infamous De Pardieu?"
Tirez le Russe et vous avez le Tartare ... I used to like him as I do like intelligent men with a love for risk. Not sure what to make of him today...

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Just to protect our little girl from bullies - we had her try karate..

It costs a bloody fortune (to us) but she really does seem to enjoy and not forced into it by any means..

it also gives them a bit of dicipline by calling teachers sir/miss etc and bowing before entering and leaving a room etc.. it seems all good manners before they knock lumps out of each other....

Is that over protective ??? "

I think that is finding the right tools for the child to develop their confidence and resilience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just to protect our little girl from bullies - we had her try karate..

It costs a bloody fortune (to us) but she really does seem to enjoy and not forced into it by any means..

it also gives them a bit of dicipline by calling teachers sir/miss etc and bowing before entering and leaving a room etc.. it seems all good manners before they knock lumps out of each other....

Is that over protective ??? "

good for you.

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By *renchbambi xWoman
over a year ago

Need to know basis

"My dear Forum friend!!

I have not read any of the previous threads because I am lazy.....

Enfant terrible!

Ha! a lady with education.....what do you make of our infamous De Pardieu?Tirez le Russe et vous avez le Tartare ... I used to like him as I do like intelligent men with a love for risk. Not sure what to make of him today..."

He WAS and now he is no longer!!! Pass him by......so many horny, sexy, gorjus, complicated, tormented young English guys who want sexy, gorjus, plentiful, experienced, loving, sensual women....F**k the French arrogant idiots....give me an Englishman any day of the week......

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"My dear Forum friend!!

I have not read any of the previous threads because I am lazy.....

Enfant terrible!

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By *icked weaselCouple
over a year ago

Near Edinburgh..

Thanks for the comments..

Im not saying it should be compulsory and all that..!!!

But seeing the way these kids behave when a karate teacher is teaching them is incredible..

its all yes sir - no sir and very polite... - its quite refreshing !!! in a way..

And the way the kids behave towards others is quite different to most education schools.. they really behave and there isnt any bullys - They are taught to respect and then nicely batter each other!!!

That was a few things we never expected when we signed her up for karate.. we only signed her up because she is a little weakling lol xxx

We hoped we werent being over protective but we just wanted to instill some self confidence.. and failing that we would have hoped that she might have even just learned some life saving skills ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My _iew is -

I was bullied, in no way were my parents overprotective.

I was bullied purely because I was different (tall).

I believe that a bully will always find a reason to bully someone, to make themselves feel better.

I myself was an over protective parent, my son, now 6ft 3 has not been the victim of bullying, ....... I may of been overprotective, but I also taught him how to kick in the gonads

yeahh. and he kicked them in the chin!

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Thanks for the comments..

Im not saying it should be compulsory and all that..!!!

But seeing the way these kids behave when a karate teacher is teaching them is incredible..

its all yes sir - no sir and very polite... - its quite refreshing !!! in a way..

That was a few things we never expected when we signed her up for karate.. we only signed her up because she is a little weakling lol xxx

We hoped we werent being over protective but we just wanted to instill some self confidence.. and failing that we would have hoped that she might have even just learned some life saving skills ..

Absolutely - it teaches discipline in more than one way and it definitely builds confidence. Mine all went for similar reasons.

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By *icked weaselCouple
over a year ago

Near Edinburgh..

"Thanks for the comments..

Im not saying it should be compulsory and all that..!!!

But seeing the way these kids behave when a karate teacher is teaching them is incredible..

its all yes sir - no sir and very polite... - its quite refreshing !!! in a way..

That was a few things we never expected when we signed her up for karate.. we only signed her up because she is a little weakling lol xxx

We hoped we werent being over protective but we just wanted to instill some self confidence.. and failing that we would have hoped that she might have even just learned some life saving skills ..

Absolutely - it teaches discipline in more than one way and it definitely builds confidence. Mine all went for similar reasons.

so you wouldnt consider it as being over protective ??? even if your kid was a little weakling lol

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"Thanks for the comments..

Im not saying it should be compulsory and all that..!!!

But seeing the way these kids behave when a karate teacher is teaching them is incredible..

its all yes sir - no sir and very polite... - its quite refreshing !!! in a way..

That was a few things we never expected when we signed her up for karate.. we only signed her up because she is a little weakling lol xxx

We hoped we werent being over protective but we just wanted to instill some self confidence.. and failing that we would have hoped that she might have even just learned some life saving skills ..

Absolutely - it teaches discipline in more than one way and it definitely builds confidence. Mine all went for similar reasons.

so you wouldnt consider it as being over protective ??? even if your kid was a little weakling lol

"
Not at all. I sent mine (they wanted to go anyway) because of the self discipline and the fitness aspect as well as being able to self defend. If I had a small or weak child that be all the more reason to send him/her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"kids are more likely to get bullied if their parents are over protective.

then again some kids maybe resentful that some kids have parents who realy care about them.

being over protective is bad and so is being neglectful.

SO you are saying a healthy balance somewhere in the midle is best? "

I reckon a healthy balance in everything is good. I also think kids will be bullied no matter what. Kids will pick on anything/ anyone different.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"kids are more likely to get bullied if their parents are over protective.

then again some kids maybe resentful that some kids have parents who realy care about them.

being over protective is bad and so is being neglectful.

SO you are saying a healthy balance somewhere in the midle is best?

I reckon a healthy balance in everything is good. I also think kids will be bullied no matter what. Kids will pick on anything/ anyone different.

I liked one of the other comments about it being wrong that the victim sometimes gets the blame- it is the bully's fault... Although the bully can sometimes be a victim too, and have become a bully because they were bullied..."
Absolutely. There is evidence in reserach on teh topic that bullies invariably have been at the receiving end of bullying or watched one of their parents being a bully to the other parents and that I guess, makes a bully a victim, too. That said an adult bully can learn, understand and change if he/she wants to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"kids are more likely to get bullied if their parents are over protective.

then again some kids maybe resentful that some kids have parents who realy care about them.

being over protective is bad and so is being neglectful.

SO you are saying a healthy balance somewhere in the midle is best?

I reckon a healthy balance in everything is good. I also think kids will be bullied no matter what. Kids will pick on anything/ anyone different.

I liked one of the other comments about it being wrong that the victim sometimes gets the blame- it is the bully's fault... Although the bully can sometimes be a victim too, and have become a bully because they were bullied...Absolutely. There is evidence in reserach on teh topic that bullies invariably have been at the receiving end of bullying or watched one of their parents being a bully to the other parents and that I guess, makes a bully a victim, too. That said an adult bully can learn, understand and change if he/she wants to. "

That's the million dollar quote- 'if he/ she wants to'. Often they don't want to. Or don't think they are a bully.

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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

"kids are more likely to get bullied if their parents are over protective.

then again some kids maybe resentful that some kids have parents who realy care about them.

being over protective is bad and so is being neglectful.

SO you are saying a healthy balance somewhere in the midle is best?

I reckon a healthy balance in everything is good. I also think kids will be bullied no matter what. Kids will pick on anything/ anyone different.

I liked one of the other comments about it being wrong that the victim sometimes gets the blame- it is the bully's fault... Although the bully can sometimes be a victim too, and have become a bully because they were bullied...Absolutely. There is evidence in reserach on teh topic that bullies invariably have been at the receiving end of bullying or watched one of their parents being a bully to the other parents and that I guess, makes a bully a victim, too. That said an adult bully can learn, understand and change if he/she wants to.

That's the million dollar quote- 'if he/ she wants to'. Often they don't want to. Or don't think they are a bully."
You know, that is so interesting. I have met quite a few people in my life who are somewhere on the bully scale, not all extreme but some quite seriosuly controlling and bullyish. Not one considered him/herself a bully. They all thought they were efficient, had standards and were only trying to get things done.

So raising somebody's self awareness would have to be the first step - making them aware that you (or whoever) feels bullied by them.

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By *icked weaselCouple
over a year ago

Near Edinburgh..

is Bullying.. Nowdays not more about some cretins maybe Taking the piss and other so called friends not wanting to hang about with you because you might not have the Designer label jacket or school bag and not having the latest phone or i-pad/tablet..

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