FabSwingers.com forum: My Wife My Abuser: Captured On Camera

By *erryspringer OP Man
29 weeks ago

Glasgow

Anyone watch this documentary on Netflix...?

I watched this last night and was sickened by this woman. But I actually found myself being angry with the guy. I thought he was too meek and thought he contributed to his treatment by not standing up a bit more to the womans behaviour.

I also thought by allowing his wife to do these things in front of the children and involving them in his abuse, he has rather than protected them, contributed to some possible psychological problems these children may grow up with in the future.

I am very conflicted in my feelings regarding this. Part of me feels guilty about not having more empathy towards him. Am wondering if it's because victim is the guy rather than the women.

Wondering what everyone else who watched this came out thinking.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *IXEN200Woman
29 weeks ago

newcastle upon tyne

I watched it last night I felt heart sorry for hom, what most don't realise men can become victims just as much as women I didn't see him as a weak man as that's not what he was.

My brother was beaten by his wife and he said he would not react to her as he didn't want to be accused of being a wife beater and didn't think anyone would believe him.

His then wife rang me before I knew the whole story and I gave her advice but it turns out he was the victim.

Regardless of gender if you've not experienced it you can't react one way or the other till you know both sides

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
29 weeks ago

Google "learned helplessness".

I do get your conflicting feelings, though. Especially concerning the protection of children. I have the same internal conflict when I view my mum.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ools and the brainCouple
29 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

I worked with a chap many years ago, early 90,'s

Every Monday he'd come in and borrow a tenner off the foreman, we assumed he had a drink or gambling issue and never said anything.

A few months go by and he'd show up with a black eye or bruises,he would tell us that he'd had a fight in the pub.

Once again just a bloke being a bloke.

He was a plasterer pretty big guy,real cockney lad type.

One Monday he comes in with massive facial injuries and cuts we was all like

"WHAT THE FUCK"

And started making plans to go to his pub and sort out the guy/s who had beaten him up.

Was at this point he broke down and told us everything.

His wife had been taking his wages every Friday as soon as he walked through the door going out with her mates leaving him to look after the kid's, she would then proceed to come home and know ten bells of shit out of him.

He usually ended up sleeping in his van a few nights of the week just around the corner from the job.

Well you'd have assumed given the era we would have taken the piss ( builders in London,1990) far from it we encouraged him to go to the hospital and police.

Not one of us judged him and thought he'd encouraged it in any way, in fact we thought the restraint he showed commendable.

Last I heard he had moved out with the kid's not sure if she ever got prosecuted police didn't take that kind of abuse seriously back then.

Point is,it could happen to anyone and it's not our place to judge they are after all a victim!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ools and the brainCouple
29 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

"I worked with a chap many years ago, early 90,'s

Every Monday he'd come in and borrow a tenner off the foreman, we assumed he had a drink or gambling issue and never said anything.

A few months go by and he'd show up with a black eye or bruises,he would tell us that he'd had a fight in the pub.

Once again just a bloke being a bloke.

He was a plasterer pretty big guy,real cockney lad type.

One Monday he comes in with massive facial injuries and cuts we was all like

"WHAT THE FUCK"

And started making plans to go to his pub and sort out the guy/s who had beaten him up.

Was at this point he broke down and told us everything.

He usually ended up sleeping in his van a few nights of the week just around the corner from the job.

Well you'd have assumed given the era we would have taken the piss ( builders in London,1990) far from it we encouraged him to go to the hospital and police.

Not one of us judged him and thought he'd encouraged it in any way, in fact we thought the restraint he showed commendable.

Last I heard he had moved out with the kid's not sure if she ever got prosecuted police didn't take that kind of abuse seriously back then.

Point is,it could happen to anyone and it's not our place to judge they are after all a victim!"

*Knock*

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *unglevipsCouple
29 weeks ago

Somerset

You’re in love with someone. You’ve been with them for years prior to getting married with no violence what so ever.

Then, while being irrationally angry, they lash out. 6 punches to the face. Totally unexpected and utterly uncalled for.

You are left feeling lost, hurt and desperate to put things right. You don’t want your friends knowing, your children knowing, nor your family.

Then it happens again. And again. And again. Over the years, they beat the love out of you. But you stay. You are constantly hurting, mentally far more than physically. You stay for the children, you stay for the good times which never quite come back. Until eventually you simply cannot take anymore.

The punches, they hurt. The bruises would be gone in a couple of days. The mental torture, that was hell and took me years to get over.

I would never think a man weak while being stuck in such a hellish situation.

To end on a positive note, meeting Mrs years ago was the best thing to happen to me and life has been wonderful. The past has made me appreciate the present so much more.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ornyguyMan
29 weeks ago

Hillsborough, NI

I watched it a while ago; it was hard going to watch and imagine being in that scenario, but found myself very interested in it.

I didn't see the man as weak at all, but hard to imagine letting that happen to yourself. I really felt for him and he seemed a really nice guy.

One bit that got to me emotionally

was where he told his daughter to just say what she thinks mummy wants her to say, even if it meant saying bad things about him. And she'd say the bad things then wink at him when the mum wasn't looking.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *heGent_1Man
29 weeks ago

Gorleston

I watched this a while ago and I felt conflicted, but I rewatched this again the other day since my break up (dec 2023) & I sat this time saying, My ex done that to me and that and I recognised everything the man had gone through and more. I never knew when I watched that documentary first time that I was in a similar situation to the bloke. I believe I felt conflicted because of my own circumstances. All I can address is I never wanted my rship to end but im glad it did.

I was supposed to get married this year instead, ive had a year of worry, uncertainty, lost rship, friends, the ability to speak for 8 months, become a recluse, about to loose house no work no money but im better off for not being in the situation I was in and the abuse I suffered. Im surprised I have made it this far I just take each day and hope people message me on app and sites like this to keep me going.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r_DD_40Man
29 weeks ago

Newcastle

Problem is when you do finally stand up to them and their controlling ways they scream abuse and the courts who don’t accept for one instant that women abuse men leave you fighting to see your children for over 3 years…..£100k and counting. Thankfully my ex is extremely well off….

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread