FabSwingers.com forum: Having a little cry

By *elix Sighted OP Man
3 weeks ago

Cloud 8

Not me!

If you were walking through town and you saw someone sitting alone on a bench having a little cry, would you stop and talk to them? Maybe sit for a bit?

Would it change if it was in a park and there was no one else around?

Or would you walk on by? I have to admit situations like that always make me feel uncomfortable and I never know what to do or say. I believe I’d probably walk on by and hope they’re sort of ok, or that someone else will stop.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ools and the brainCouple
3 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

No I wouldn't stop, last time I did I got told to " fuck off and mind your own building, you bald fat fuck"

No once bitten and all that..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ools and the brainCouple
3 weeks ago

couple, us we him her.

"No I wouldn't stop, last time I did I got told to " fuck off and mind your own building, you bald fat fuck"

No once bitten and all that.."

*Business not building*

Stupid auto carrot

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *imply DeeWoman
3 weeks ago

Wherever

I am one of those people, partially down to my profession and perhaps being an empath too. I seem to be also a magnet for people who need a little bit of extra help and comfort.

It doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable. I often imagine the very possible scenario where I can find myself in a situation like that, or one of my children or friends and family members. It does however make me question the motives of some people who are trying to offer their “help” and prey on vulnerability.

Strange world we live in.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *issmorganWoman
3 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

Yes I would,

I hate seeing people like that,

Years ago when I had to have one of my cats out to sleep, it was clear I'd been crying and this lovely lady came and sat with me for a bit.

Some people don't have anyone to turn to, so you may be the only comfort and interaction they get.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oo..Woman
3 weeks ago

Boo's World

I'd naturally ask them if they were okay as I got near, but I wouldn't go sit down beside them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ansoffateMan
3 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

Quite possibly.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he Silver FuxMan
3 weeks ago

Uttoxeter

I have stopped and enquired comforted and helped. I hope anyone with an ounce of humanity would do the same…

Context is important though, someone outside a pub, pissed up, surrounded by friends is not the time to get involved but I would hope that should one of my kids say, be in distress there would be a kind stranger..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *avinaTVTV/TS
3 weeks ago

Transsexual Transylvania

"No I wouldn't stop, last time I did I got told to " fuck off and mind your own building, you bald fat fuck"

No once bitten and all that.."

No good deed goes unpunished...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ea wangMan
3 weeks ago

scunthorpe

Id ask if they're ok but I wouldn't impose

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
3 weeks ago

chichester

I would assess if they were extremely distressed bordering on volatile shaking etc .. at that point I may just say do they require medical assistance / professional assistance as I can phone the services for them ..

if they were quietly sat/contemplating tear eyed I would just walk past , maybe smile at them as walking past .. if they wanted to talk they would reach out as you walk past at that point . otherwise I wouldn't want to intrude

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ickyKlungespeareMan
3 weeks ago

St Leonards

I tend to try to look "into" them, work out if it's a bad day and a good cry (flash an encouraging nod, smile, or wink and leave them to it...they're doing good work), work out if they're psychotic and will drown themselves and anyone else they entangle because it's a fully formed regular behaviour (leave them to it - they're not going to have a lightbulb moment and years of therapy if and until they're ready), or if they're really having a shit time as a one-off, and need some "anchor" to help stabilise them, then I'll approach and say something I think might resonate with their physical style/look etc.

So it's highly contextual, and driven by my intuition.

There are genuinely plenty of psychotic people in a bad place constantly - they need better and formal, long-term institutions in order to be safe, and even more advances in psychology for them to become well.

Margaret Thatcher defunded a lot of those institutions, and we're still recovering.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *urious_male1982Man
3 weeks ago

aylesbury

I’m the same as you about feeling awkward and not knowing what to do for the best.

I think this is a tricky area for men if it’s a women as you often read how uncomfortable they feel about being approached so would probably leave it.

If it was a man I’d probably be more inclined to stop as (without wanting to gender stereotype) it would be more of an indication something is very wrong.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elix Sighted OP Man
3 weeks ago

Cloud 8

I’m pleased to hear there are better humans than me out there. The nation’s quiet sobbers may let forth. If I see one I’ll be sure to phone one of you for assistance.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
3 weeks ago

East Sussex

It would depend on so many things that I can't really say

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *YDB75Man
3 weeks ago

easy yorkshire

"Not me!

If you were walking through town and you saw someone sitting alone on a bench having a little cry, would you stop and talk to them? Maybe sit for a bit?

Would it change if it was in a park and there was no one else around?

Seen this a few time and my usual approach is do a circuit of 2-3 minuites and walk past again so it doesnt look so obvious then just approach slowly and not getting into the person personal space and ask…

Are you ok….chances are they will say yes

Then reply with area you sure..this could be the conversation starter.

If they dont want to talk dont push it.

If you have to walk away then leave with “ have a good day hope you feel better soon “

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *a LunaWoman
3 weeks ago

South

I’d ask if they were ok. They could be lost, scared anything….

Someone has done this for me once, although they were annoyingly persistent in trying to get me to go back to theirs for a cup of tea to calm down, when I just wanted to sob in peace!

So I’d ask but also respect their response.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elix Sighted OP Man
3 weeks ago

Cloud 8

"It would depend on so many things that I can't really say "

What sort of things Mrs N?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ealMissShadyWoman
3 weeks ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders

"Not me!

If you were walking through town and you saw someone sitting alone on a bench having a little cry, would you stop and talk to them? Maybe sit for a bit?

Would it change if it was in a park and there was no one else around?

I'm an empath and I would and have done.

I saw a lady crying in her car, I went over and just knelt down, didn't say a word, just sat with her. She just took my hand and I said 'you don't have to talk to me, but if you'll allow me too I can just sit here so you know you're not alone'

She had been for counselling to deal with a trauma and it had released some powerful emotions.

Sometimes people don't want or need solutions or even be pressured to speak about what's wrong but even just being there can make a huge difference

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ouple in LancashireCouple
3 weeks ago

in Lancashire

I would ask if they were ok but dependant on where and when etc if I sat down with them..

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ucka39Man
3 weeks ago

Newcastle

Id prefer to approach them and ask if everything was ok, I normally do

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atricia ParnelWoman
3 weeks ago

In a town full of colours

Completely depends on the person, I've seen the fallout from a person trying to help someone in mental distress, and that makes me damn nervous. So elderly, woman, child, I'd be more likely to approach, a man. Not a chance.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elix Sighted OP Man
3 weeks ago

Cloud 8

"Not me!

If you were walking through town and you saw someone sitting alone on a bench having a little cry, would you stop and talk to them? Maybe sit for a bit?

Would it change if it was in a park and there was no one else around?

I'm an empath and I would and have done.

She had been for counselling to deal with a trauma and it had released some powerful emotions.

Sometimes people don't want or need solutions or even be pressured to speak about what's wrong but even just being there can make a huge difference

That’s a nice approach, I like the balance.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
3 weeks ago

Leeds

I would stop.

I've been that crying person and people walking by staring but not saying anything makes you feel a whole lot more lonely.

Some people don't want to talk and don't want the help, but that little stop to see if there ok could make a huge difference.

Mrs

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *allipygousMan
3 weeks ago

Leicester

"No I wouldn't stop, last time I did I got told to " fuck off and mind your own building, you bald fat fuck"

No once bitten and all that..

*Business not building*

Stupid auto carrot

Here's me thinking you had some sort of janitorial beef with someone 🙂

In answer to the question, only if it were a child. Earlier this week I was walking through the town centre and there was a little 4 or 5 year old girl crying hysterically near the clock tower. She looked like she was of middle eastern descent and was looking around frantically. I waited a few seconds to see if anyone approached her and walked up to her keeping my distance, I'm well aware of the optics, and asked where were her mummy or daddy? She continued crying when 2 ladies wearing hijabs approached asking the same question as me. I asked them if they'd look after her and they said yes. Just then a boy that was about 4 years older came up to her, took her hand and led her to whom I can only assume was her mother.

So yeah, I just think what if that were my child/grandchild 🤷🏾‍♂️

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atnip make me purrWoman
3 weeks ago

Reading

When my cat got run over, he managed to drag himself home but died in the front garden. I was sitting on the doorstep sobbing. One woman did stop and ask what was wrong. I pointed to my dead cat and was then advised to go in and have a nice cup of tea. So very British.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *elix Sighted OP Man
3 weeks ago

Cloud 8

"When my cat got run over, he managed to drag himself home but died in the front garden. I was sitting on the doorstep sobbing. One woman did stop and ask what was wrong. I pointed to my dead cat and was then advised to go in and have a nice cup of tea. So very British."

Presumably that fixed everything?

I’m sorry to hear about your puddy tat.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *trueceltMan
3 weeks ago

Carms

As somebody already said, circle round the area in a non obvious way, gauge the situation and keep your distance if you need to gently ask, "do you need assistance?". Man, woman, trans, child, pensioner, Tory, hippy or English speaking Basset Hound - my response would be the same for all.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *YDB75Man
3 weeks ago

easy yorkshire

A simple second question can save a life

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *parkle1974Woman
3 weeks ago

Leeds

I'd ask if they were ok, if they told me to fuck off then so be it but at least I'd know I gave them a bit of my time...sometimes that's all it takes.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *partharmonyCouple
3 weeks ago

Ruislip

I'd be very tempted to stop but I'd also be aware that they may very well just want to be left alone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *aldyreynoldsMan
3 weeks ago

Oldbury

"I'd ask if they were ok, if they told me to fuck off then so be it but at least I'd know I gave them a bit of my time...sometimes that's all it takes."

Agreed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ynamicnatureMan
3 weeks ago

Doncaster

I would try and assess the situation first of all and if it felt right, I would feel obliged to help if possible.

It's nice to be nice.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ivemealadybonerWoman
3 weeks ago

somewhere

Yeah I would, even if they told me to fuck off, I would still offer to listen or just sit with them.

I had a woman at work come in the other day, she was in tears when she arrived, I said "are you ok?" (Clearly wasn't), she had a nightmare journey and stuff and I said "how can I help" the she cried some more because I was being so nice to her, when she came down next time I gave her some luxury bubble bath and some chocolate (cried some more), I may not have been able to help her situation but I hope I offered comfort and made her time a little better x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *MisschiefxTV/TS
3 weeks ago

London

I would walk by, I don't know what to do with crying people and don't really want to be around them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *alico_KittyWoman
3 weeks ago

Kittys Lane

I would have to stop and make sure they were OK, offer to sit and listen if they needed it x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *inidongMan
3 weeks ago

Inverness

"Not me!

If you were walking through town and you saw someone sitting alone on a bench having a little cry, would you stop and talk to them? Maybe sit for a bit?

Would it change if it was in a park and there was no one else around?

Always stop and ask.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
3 weeks ago

I’d ask if they were okay.

“Yes” would be good enough for me to walk on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *illy IdolMan
3 weeks ago

Midlands

More often than not I'd probably leave them to it in all honesty as it makes me feel uncomfortable and never know what to say.

I have seen someone crying by a bridge and I turned my car back around, as it was playing on my mind.

I do wish I was better in those sort of situations.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *laytime_13Woman
3 weeks ago

Lincs

I’ll stop to ask, it’s nice to be nice. I can understand why some wouldn’t though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ell GwynnWoman
3 weeks ago

North Yorkshire

I've in the past asked if someone was ok, hesitantly.

Sometimes people are needing comfort, and others don't want any fuss. It's hard to tell in the moment.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread