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Becoming a Throuple

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By *anirFreya OP   Couple
11 weeks ago

Newtown

Good morning all. We are after a little advice from people in the scene.

We've had a nice bit of fun on here and loved our cam session and we're hoping to do more.

The Mrs has stated that she's lost interest with having a one night stand, but would like to get a girl friend and become a throuple and create a large family unit.

I'm on board with the idea, but not sure where and how to find people who may be interested. We love Fab and all the people we've met and had fun with, but I don't believe (I could be wrong) Fab the right location for what we are looking to proceed with.

Cheers

T & B

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By *ellinever70Woman
11 weeks ago

Ayrshire

It sounds like quite a leap from where you are now

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By *ea monkeyMan
11 weeks ago

Manchester (he/him)

Look on poly sites but be aware that kitchen table poly and building a lasting thruple is Poly on hard mode for all involved.

You need to have done the conscious work to not allow any level of hierarchy to dictate the relationships. It’s not just one relationship either it’s four, you and your partner, them and the girlfriend, you and the girlfriend and the three of you, all of which can grow and change independently of each other.

Ask yourself what happens if the relationship between your partner and the girlfriend breaks down but you fall in love with them. What would be the result? Can you honestly say that the two of you would treat the girlfriend with equity or are you just thinking of them as a plus one to your existing dynamic?

If you’re just thinking of it as ‘threesomes on tap’ then that is deeply unethical and you need to think longer and harder

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By *oodmessMan
11 weeks ago

yumsville

If your partner is bi and wanting a female partner, finding a single bi/gay woman open to a relationship in your area is either going to end in glowing smiles or disappointment, as the few that will be local will either like you or wont.

It is a fair leap from doing some cam fun to wanting a full blown poly relationship.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
11 weeks ago

Reading

It seems the chances of true compatibility would be low but good luck!

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By *erfHerder74Man
11 weeks ago

Greenock

Would it be a thruple or would the girl be her girlfriend?

You should ask lots of questions beforehand and good luck

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By *ang bang bangity bangCouple
11 weeks ago

Sunderland

I suspect if you look for it specifically it may end in disaster. If it naturally happens then more likelihood of success.

Think of how often someone says they are actively looking for a partner to have a monogamous relationship with and it ends up happening. It seems to me it's much more common to occur naturally.

That's my rambling

Mr

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By *ripfillMan
11 weeks ago

havant


"It seems the chances of true compatibility would be low but good luck!"

Agree

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By *AYENCouple
11 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

Having experienced that exact situation I can say that it's wonderful whilst it lasts. IMO it's hard to maintain in the long term but definitely worth a try, and no reason why a 'third' can't be found on Fab, though probably easier in real life than online. K.

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By *asterMeliodasMan
11 weeks ago

Near Keith

Believe me when I say this is activating the hardest mode it's possible to play polyamory on, and if you're going down that route you *need* to do as much preparation, discussion and mutual agreement as possible.

As has been said, entering into a triad creates four relationships: A+B, B+C, C+A and A+B+C. They will all have their own foibles, needs and issues, and you need to know going in how you're going to resolve various scenarios that might pop up because dealing with such things immediately in the moment while emotions are running high is a surefire way to set fire to the whole thing.

And for the love of all that's holy, if you do find someone who's looking to take that place with you, remember they are a whole entire human being and should be an equal in the partnership, not just a bolt-on you've stuck to the end of your couple.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
11 weeks ago

Carlisle usually

Will the girlfriend be your girlfriend as well or just the wife's?

And will they have the freedom and opportunity to build their own external relationships or is this a closed scenario?

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By *anirFreya OP   Couple
11 weeks ago

Newtown

Thanks to all for the advice. I'm a complete novice with this forum stuff and just wanted to elaborate a bit further.

Ill try and respond to questions...

Its a really good point about the 4 relationships you have within your relationship. Very true.

They would be a gf to both of us.

We would def treat them equally.

We don't want threesomes on tap no, the idea of meaningless sex doesn't interest my wife so that's the reason for the interest.

We have some experience already. We had a lovely women living with us for 3 years. We all got on great and become really close friends, (obviously she knew about our dynamic as well) I was even the best man on her wedding day (couldn't be prouder), but while she was here she became part of the family, with us individually and all together and was incredible with our children.

We both really enjoyed having her here and really missed her, and what she brought into our home after she moved out. Obviously things didn't always go smoothly, so compassion and understanding were needed when people weren't getting on and we always got through it.

I found having her with my wife while I'm working or away comforting. While I was working my wife and her would be laughing or chatting and it was lovely to know she's having fun and not just sat on her own while I'm busy.

My wife has expressed interest in having female company as its a male dominant household (we have two sons) and she misses that feminine connection.

I rabbited on, but to summaries we have some great experience with the relationship aspect, also we had another women before her stay with us for 1.5yrs who was a huge problem with some very uncomfortable conversations and situations.

There are just a ridiculous amounts of apps/site to venture, but we can't sign up to them all, so that was my main reason for the original post

Thank you again to all for you input. Very insightful.

T

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By *ansoffateMan
11 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

I have a little experience with these kinds of dynamics. I've not had an experience of nesting together going well in the long-run. I'm sure it's possible for the right people.

I have found poly triad type dynamics, even it's less about metamours and more about friendship or open communication, have been far more positive than poly vee style relationships. It's also quite demanding on the person situated on the vertice of the vee.

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By *aytime78Man
11 weeks ago

west midlands

youd be well and truly screwed if ya ended up in family court then pmsl

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