FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

When does ...........

Jump to newest
 

By *ot to giggle OP   Woman
20 weeks ago

Coventry

ok I'm prepared for you to blow me out with this one .... but when does banter stop being banter and become offensive or aggressive or even disrespectful towards a particular gender?

There are kinks and I'm not kink shaming, but ..................

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *asterMeliodasMan
20 weeks ago

Newmill

I would personally say that banter is only banter as long as the person on the other end is laughing along with you. At the point where they stop finding it funny and you know they're not enjoying it, it's disrespectful to continue.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ot to giggle OP   Woman
20 weeks ago

Coventry

i would agree with that -

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
20 weeks ago

.

Aggressive towards a gender is a bit strong if I'm right in what I think you're referring to.

Personally, if I'm uncomfortable I'd politely explain that to the person. Most people aren't dicks, they don't know your triggers and if they're not maliciously causing hurt... well people find different things amusing. I'm sure if you spoke to a person directly they'd ensure they don't engage in that sort of banter around you because they wouldn't want to upset you.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ealMissShadyWoman
20 weeks ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders

I hate the term 'banter' ugh, it's a veiled way to belittle and bully under the guise of humour IMHO

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ansoffateMan
20 weeks ago

Sagittarius A

It's banter when everyone involved is onboard (consenting) to it.

Of course if you dish it out, you can't really moan about getting it back.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ot to giggle OP   Woman
20 weeks ago

Coventry


"Aggressive towards a gender is a bit strong if I'm right in what I think you're referring to.

Personally, if I'm uncomfortable I'd politely explain that to the person. Most people aren't dicks, they don't know your triggers and if they're not maliciously causing hurt... well people find different things amusing. I'm sure if you spoke to a person directly they'd ensure they don't engage in that sort of banter around you because they wouldn't want to upset you. "

you probably dont really know what I am referring to - i was am just curious to work out what where some people find a line with banter - what is banter and how can we turn around the dialogue of some acceptable language on this - violent towards women doesnt get less, neither does violence towards men but that doesnt seem to make the news as much.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *d mirerMan
20 weeks ago

lost

To me banter is dependant on context and between people who share and understand each others sense of humour as well as each others views . Aggression is never banter in my opinion , neither is a form of slur or offensive statement . Disrespect is beyond banter and never funny .

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ot to giggle OP   Woman
20 weeks ago

Coventry


"I hate the term 'banter' ugh, it's a veiled way to belittle and bully under the guise of humour IMHO"

there can be that to it as well, it certainly is a delicate line to draw .. thanks

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eyond PurityCouple
20 weeks ago

Lincolnshire

There are some things on the forums which I think have gone too far but some people might have ‘banter’ behind the scenes, so it becomes a case of not getting offended on others behalf.

I tend to leave them to it as I don’t want to get involved in any drama.

K

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *4bimMan
20 weeks ago

Farnborough Hampshire

[Removed by poster at 13/07/24 18:46:00]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ot to giggle OP   Woman
20 weeks ago

Coventry


"It's banter when everyone involved is onboard (consenting) to it.

Of course if you dish it out, you can't really moan about getting it back."

but what are we dishing? who dictates that level? i accept i have a warped humour and i take it back as well as give out - but where is the line or isnt there one??

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *4bimMan
20 weeks ago

Farnborough Hampshire

[Removed by poster at 13/07/24 18:47:43]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ot to giggle OP   Woman
20 weeks ago

Coventry

wow thank you some really really interesting comments, please keep them coming x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *4bimMan
20 weeks ago

Farnborough Hampshire

if im not enjoying what is being said then to me ist not banter.

i often see them alone and ask them face to face what did they mean by it.

if it was done in a group setting to humiliate and everyone laughed i quickly look at the people im with and decide if i want to actually be with them. and usually i would leave.

you see its like this. people try to make out somethings a joke when they actually mean it, if others are laughing they agree with it. that means they have a poor opinion of you. thats disrespect and these people you need to get rid of.

you need to make a mark and show a line has been crossed so everyone knows this and fears it.

once people understand you may do something they guard their comments because they know you will see them alone later and demand an explanation which if not satisfactory could mean bad luck for them.

the trouble with humans is they only respect what their fear. and if they know you can bring pain they will show respect.

if they dont they will use words to bully and upset you, it wont stop until you do something about it.

mike tyson said ' social media made you all way too comfortable with disrespecting people '

you have to confront them and be prepared to act. once you do people will know you are for real

sorry for the deletes my phone is playing up.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *eliWoman
20 weeks ago

.


"Aggressive towards a gender is a bit strong if I'm right in what I think you're referring to.

Personally, if I'm uncomfortable I'd politely explain that to the person. Most people aren't dicks, they don't know your triggers and if they're not maliciously causing hurt... well people find different things amusing. I'm sure if you spoke to a person directly they'd ensure they don't engage in that sort of banter around you because they wouldn't want to upset you.

you probably dont really know what I am referring to - i was am just curious to work out what where some people find a line with banter - what is banter and how can we turn around the dialogue of some acceptable language on this - violent towards women doesnt get less, neither does violence towards men but that doesnt seem to make the news as much.

"

Hmmm. Okay. Leaving that point aside...

If you have an issue with language, if certain language appears, let's say "aggressive" that's when I talk to the person directly. Violence towards any person is never acceptable.

I don't like the term banter for the reason another poster stated.

I think where I draw the line is different to where another is. My experience, my history, it'll make me respond differently to something than another.

If it's on the forum, or a group chat, I might have a private word with them or I leave them alone and don't interact. I like a good headspace and some things aren't worth giving lots of energy to.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
20 weeks ago


"ok I'm prepared for you to blow me out with this one .... but when does banter stop being banter and become offensive or aggressive or even disrespectful towards a particular gender?

There are kinks and I'm not kink shaming, but .................."

When a person is a woke soft arse snowflake

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ot to giggle OP   Woman
20 weeks ago

Coventry


"if im not enjoying what is being said then to me ist not banter.

i often see them alone and ask them face to face what did they mean by it.

if it was done in a group setting to humiliate and everyone laughed i quickly look at the people im with and decide if i want to actually be with them. and usually i would leave.

you see its like this. people try to make out somethings a joke when they actually mean it, if others are laughing they agree with it. that means they have a poor opinion of you. thats disrespect and these people you need to get rid of.

you need to make a mark and show a line has been crossed so everyone knows this and fears it.

once people understand you may do something they guard their comments because they know you will see them alone later and demand an explanation which if not satisfactory could mean bad luck for them.

the trouble with humans is they only respect what their fear. and if they know you can bring pain they will show respect.

if they dont they will use words to bully and upset you, it wont stop until you do something about it.

mike tyson said ' social media made you all way too comfortable with disrespecting people '

you have to confront them and be prepared to act. once you do people will know you are for real

sorry for the deletes my phone is playing up.

"

im glad you put it back up - really interesting x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ot to giggle OP   Woman
20 weeks ago

Coventry


"ok I'm prepared for you to blow me out with this one .... but when does banter stop being banter and become offensive or aggressive or even disrespectful towards a particular gender?

There are kinks and I'm not kink shaming, but ..................

When a person is a woke soft arse snowflake "

do you think that may be something to do with what was being said??

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lowupdollTV/TS
20 weeks ago

Herts

To me humour doesn’t need an implied permission, but banter does.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aitonelMan
20 weeks ago

Travelling

Banter is only banter when it's received as such. It's only banter when it is returned I kind.

Anything can be banter, be it playful obvious jokes or surface bullying. But it's contextual and varies greatly based on those involved.

It's the same as "it's just a prank bro", unless the "victim" appreciates it and welcomes it regardless of what anyone else thinks, it's not playful.

To those that don't know a situation, I can be quite mean but to those friends I'm "mean" to they know exactly my intent and accept it as 2hat it is, friendly.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *punk n gushCouple
20 weeks ago

Walmer, Deal

Mr here I joked with some 1 and got scorched lesson learned and won't do again

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *4bimMan
20 weeks ago

Farnborough Hampshire


"if im not enjoying what is being said then to me ist not banter.

i often see them alone and ask them face to face what did they mean by it.

if it was done in a group setting to humiliate and everyone laughed i quickly look at the people im with and decide if i want to actually be with them. and usually i would leave.

you see its like this. people try to make out somethings a joke when they actually mean it, if others are laughing they agree with it. that means they have a poor opinion of you. thats disrespect and these people you need to get rid of.

you need to make a mark and show a line has been crossed so everyone knows this and fears it.

once people understand you may do something they guard their comments because they know you will see them alone later and demand an explanation which if not satisfactory could mean bad luck for them.

the trouble with humans is they only respect what their fear. and if they know you can bring pain they will show respect.

if they dont they will use words to bully and upset you, it wont stop until you do something about it.

mike tyson said ' social media made you all way too comfortable with disrespecting people '

you have to confront them and be prepared to act. once you do people will know you are for real

sorry for the deletes my phone is playing up.

im glad you put it back up - really interesting x"

people have a different view and i respect that.

but its a hard world and people will continue to bully and behave badly towards you if they know nothing is coming back. they will get a rise out of what you say back and mock you further.

what they dont expect is that person to fight back and thats why they do it.

so you get them and deal with them, once their friends know they will look at you differently because they think they could be next.

thats how the mind works, people dislike pain. they remember it forever.

so bring it to them. fact is once the mouthy s.o.b. has been dealth with people will say to others out of ear shot ' he had it coming '

once you stand up for yourself, see people for what they are you can deal with life better. things become easier because you are not dealing with idiots.

what you are doing is in fact good for society. because next time they go to open their mouths they will think twice, and thats good for everyone.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ot to giggle OP   Woman
20 weeks ago

Coventry


"To me humour doesn’t need an implied permission, but banter does. "

you always come out with thought provoking comments, so how you get this implied permission??

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ot to giggle OP   Woman
20 weeks ago

Coventry


"Banter is only banter when it's received as such. It's only banter when it is returned I kind.

Anything can be banter, be it playful obvious jokes or surface bullying. But it's contextual and varies greatly based on those involved.

It's the same as "it's just a prank bro", unless the "victim" appreciates it and welcomes it regardless of what anyone else thinks, it's not playful.

To those that don't know a situation, I can be quite mean but to those friends I'm "mean" to they know exactly my intent and accept it as 2hat it is, friendly. "

so does that mean you can have a pop at someone and hide it as banter??

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luehairedcumslutCouple
20 weeks ago

St Neots


"Mr here I joked with some 1 and got scorched lesson learned and won't do again "

Shouldn't censor yourself if it was a joke though and in good jest. Just apologise and carry on being yourself. Some people are more easily offended than others and others might find it funny

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ot to giggle OP   Woman
20 weeks ago

Coventry


"if im not enjoying what is being said then to me ist not banter.

i often see them alone and ask them face to face what did they mean by it.

if it was done in a group setting to humiliate and everyone laughed i quickly look at the people im with and decide if i want to actually be with them. and usually i would leave.

you see its like this. people try to make out somethings a joke when they actually mean it, if others are laughing they agree with it. that means they have a poor opinion of you. thats disrespect and these people you need to get rid of.

you need to make a mark and show a line has been crossed so everyone knows this and fears it.

once people understand you may do something they guard their comments because they know you will see them alone later and demand an explanation which if not satisfactory could mean bad luck for them.

the trouble with humans is they only respect what their fear. and if they know you can bring pain they will show respect.

if they dont they will use words to bully and upset you, it wont stop until you do something about it.

mike tyson said ' social media made you all way too comfortable with disrespecting people '

you have to confront them and be prepared to act. once you do people will know you are for real

sorry for the deletes my phone is playing up.

im glad you put it back up - really interesting x

people have a different view and i respect that.

but its a hard world and people will continue to bully and behave badly towards you if they know nothing is coming back. they will get a rise out of what you say back and mock you further.

what they dont expect is that person to fight back and thats why they do it.

so you get them and deal with them, once their friends know they will look at you differently because they think they could be next.

thats how the mind works, people dislike pain. they remember it forever.

so bring it to them. fact is once the mouthy s.o.b. has been dealth with people will say to others out of ear shot ' he had it coming '

once you stand up for yourself, see people for what they are you can deal with life better. things become easier because you are not dealing with idiots.

what you are doing is in fact good for society. because next time they go to open their mouths they will think twice, and thats good for everyone."

thats a hard thing for someone to do though isnt it ? if they are feeling vulnerable because of this situation to be able to return and say your peace so to speak, that is a hard thing to do?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *idssissyTV/TS
20 weeks ago

Birmingham


"I would personally say that banter is only banter as long as the person on the other end is laughing along with you. At the point where they stop finding it funny and you know they're not enjoying it, it's disrespectful to continue."

Agreed

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *aitonelMan
20 weeks ago

Travelling


"Banter is only banter when it's received as such. It's only banter when it is returned I kind.

Anything can be banter, be it playful obvious jokes or surface bullying. But it's contextual and varies greatly based on those involved.

It's the same as "it's just a prank bro", unless the "victim" appreciates it and welcomes it regardless of what anyone else thinks, it's not playful.

To those that don't know a situation, I can be quite mean but to those friends I'm "mean" to they know exactly my intent and accept it as 2hat it is, friendly.

so does that mean you can have a pop at someone and hide it as banter??"

It means exactly what I said.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *asterMeliodasMan
20 weeks ago

Newmill


"Mr here I joked with some 1 and got scorched lesson learned and won't do again

Shouldn't censor yourself if it was a joke though and in good jest. Just apologise and carry on being yourself. Some people are more easily offended than others and others might find it funny "

The thing is, if you joke at someone else's expense and they don't appreciate it, who was the joke for?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luehairedcumslutCouple
20 weeks ago

St Neots


"Mr here I joked with some 1 and got scorched lesson learned and won't do again

Shouldn't censor yourself if it was a joke though and in good jest. Just apologise and carry on being yourself. Some people are more easily offended than others and others might find it funny

The thing is, if you joke at someone else's expense and they don't appreciate it, who was the joke for?"

I mean I just presumed it was done in good spirits and "with" the person. Sometimes jokes don't land. It happens

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *d mirerMan
20 weeks ago

lost

Things can be misinterpreted too , banter in written text can be interpreted differently than face to face with eye contact , facial expression , tone of voice etc

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *vaRose43Woman
20 weeks ago

Forest of Dean

I really don’t like the word banter, it feels like an excuse to poke fun at someone with no consequences.

“Aw mate it was only a bit of banter”

“Can’t take a joke?, I’m only having a banter”

I’m of the firm opinion humour can be found for anything… but the people you’re punching at need to find it funny too. If not it’s just a form of bullying if you continue

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *urry BlokeMan
20 weeks ago

Stalybridge

I think banter is a tricky one

I've seen many a snide comment hidden by the term and a 'friendly' smile

It is often used to mask many a phobic comment too

Know your audience

Know their ceiling

Apologise if you misread

Don't hide behind the 'it's just banter line'

It's a poor defence

Likewise, if you are the 'audience', call it out if someone treads the line

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *4bimMan
20 weeks ago

Farnborough Hampshire

being bullied destroys you.

im a short guy, had it all through schooling and into adult life until i decided to stand up for myself.

people change jobs, move to different areas, get stuck in horrible relationships where one is controlling the other, hand over money because they fear etc all because of bullying. verbal can be the worst as it stays with you and you'll be kept up at night thinking about it while they are fast asleep looking forward to seeing you tomorrow for more.

being called over sensitive is a nonsense. if you dont like something thats it, end of. people should respect that not intimidate further.

so put the fear back on them.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ansoffateMan
20 weeks ago

Sagittarius A


"It's banter when everyone involved is onboard (consenting) to it.

Of course if you dish it out, you can't really moan about getting it back.

but what are we dishing? who dictates that level? i accept i have a warped humour and i take it back as well as give out - but where is the line or isnt there one??"

It's all formed by the people involved. Oddly, I was discussing it with some very old friends last weekend. We rip each other to shreds one minute and support each other then next. As we hadn't seen each other for years, my mate remarked on it and asked why are we like that. I said it's because we can, we all know we love each other - it's a given. They laughed said let's drink to that and got another round in. The line, it's about intention. We challenge each other, because we care, we do it with humour because it's more fun that way. And everyone feels free to say what comes to mind without bad intention being presumed. We'll be the same in 30 years if we are still alive. I don't think there is a line between us, we've actively tried to find it in past and laughed about it the next day.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lowupdollTV/TS
20 weeks ago

Herts


"It's banter when everyone involved is onboard (consenting) to it.

Of course if you dish it out, you can't really moan about getting it back.

but what are we dishing? who dictates that level? i accept i have a warped humour and i take it back as well as give out - but where is the line or isnt there one??

It's all formed by the people involved. Oddly, I was discussing it with some very old friends last weekend. We rip each other to shreds one minute and support each other then next. As we hadn't seen each other for years, my mate remarked on it and asked why are we like that. I said it's because we can, we all know we love each other - it's a given. They laughed said let's drink to that and got another round in. The line, it's about intention. We challenge each other, because we care, we do it with humour because it's more fun that way. And everyone feels free to say what comes to mind without bad intention being presumed. We'll be the same in 30 years if we are still alive. I don't think there is a line between us, we've actively tried to find it in past and laughed about it the next day. "

This ^^ is what I mean in implied permission. Just said more eloquently.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iamondsmiles.Woman
20 weeks ago

little house on the praire

Banter is just a disguise for taking the piss and bullying

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lowupdollTV/TS
20 weeks ago

Herts


"It's banter when everyone involved is onboard (consenting) to it.

Of course if you dish it out, you can't really moan about getting it back.

but what are we dishing? who dictates that level? i accept i have a warped humour and i take it back as well as give out - but where is the line or isnt there one??

It's all formed by the people involved. Oddly, I was discussing it with some very old friends last weekend. We rip each other to shreds one minute and support each other then next. As we hadn't seen each other for years, my mate remarked on it and asked why are we like that. I said it's because we can, we all know we love each other - it's a given. They laughed said let's drink to that and got another round in. The line, it's about intention. We challenge each other, because we care, we do it with humour because it's more fun that way. And everyone feels free to say what comes to mind without bad intention being presumed. We'll be the same in 30 years if we are still alive. I don't think there is a line between us, we've actively tried to find it in past and laughed about it the next day.

This ^^ is what I mean in implied permission. Just said more eloquently. "

^ meaning Hans said it better.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ot to giggle OP   Woman
20 weeks ago

Coventry


"It's banter when everyone involved is onboard (consenting) to it.

Of course if you dish it out, you can't really moan about getting it back.

but what are we dishing? who dictates that level? i accept i have a warped humour and i take it back as well as give out - but where is the line or isnt there one??

It's all formed by the people involved. Oddly, I was discussing it with some very old friends last weekend. We rip each other to shreds one minute and support each other then next. As we hadn't seen each other for years, my mate remarked on it and asked why are we like that. I said it's because we can, we all know we love each other - it's a given. They laughed said let's drink to that and got another round in. The line, it's about intention. We challenge each other, because we care, we do it with humour because it's more fun that way. And everyone feels free to say what comes to mind without bad intention being presumed. We'll be the same in 30 years if we are still alive. I don't think there is a line between us, we've actively tried to find it in past and laughed about it the next day.

This ^^ is what I mean in implied permission. Just said more eloquently.

^ meaning Hans said it better. "

yes it was well put - its very tricky line isnt it really - and of course so much harder to do this on written media - you havent got the body language and facial expressions to work with either

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *lowupdollTV/TS
20 weeks ago

Herts


"It's banter when everyone involved is onboard (consenting) to it.

Of course if you dish it out, you can't really moan about getting it back.

but what are we dishing? who dictates that level? i accept i have a warped humour and i take it back as well as give out - but where is the line or isnt there one??

It's all formed by the people involved. Oddly, I was discussing it with some very old friends last weekend. We rip each other to shreds one minute and support each other then next. As we hadn't seen each other for years, my mate remarked on it and asked why are we like that. I said it's because we can, we all know we love each other - it's a given. They laughed said let's drink to that and got another round in. The line, it's about intention. We challenge each other, because we care, we do it with humour because it's more fun that way. And everyone feels free to say what comes to mind without bad intention being presumed. We'll be the same in 30 years if we are still alive. I don't think there is a line between us, we've actively tried to find it in past and laughed about it the next day.

This ^^ is what I mean in implied permission. Just said more eloquently.

^ meaning Hans said it better.

yes it was well put - its very tricky line isnt it really - and of course so much harder to do this on written media - you havent got the body language and facial expressions to work with either"

I’ve only got 2 anyway. The ‘call that a large white wine? Is your mum tied up in the vineyard?’ or ‘I don’t know if this an impeding heart attack or I just need to try harder when scrolling on TikTok’. They serve me well. Mostly.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iberius61Man
20 weeks ago

Pontefract

I don't think there's a black and white answer, it's more nuanced than that. It depends on context, time, power imbalance, audience and a host of other factors. We can all give examples of either end, but there's a whole wide grey area in the middle that is impossible to classify.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ora the explorerWoman
20 weeks ago

Paradise, Herts

I’d need the context of whatever it was you’re referring to. Impossible to give a general opinion.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *8on33Man
20 weeks ago

winfrith

I never get offensive so not sure what you are asking

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *obilebottomMan
20 weeks ago

All over

I appreciate a bit of good natured banter but set the limit on becoming too personal and certainly will not tolerate aggresive or demeaning comments towards anyone. There are some contravercial posters on here I will never post on their threads as a matter of principle and a few I have blocked because of their extreme or offensive views especially those less fortunate in society. I come here to talk to lots of lovely people and escape a bit from tbe daily routine, not to have angst and controversy even though some thrive on it. I like inclusive threads and people but everyone is different and so be it but will choose who I interact with accordingly. Love to all

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ansoffateMan
20 weeks ago

Sagittarius A


"It's banter when everyone involved is onboard (consenting) to it.

Of course if you dish it out, you can't really moan about getting it back.

but what are we dishing? who dictates that level? i accept i have a warped humour and i take it back as well as give out - but where is the line or isnt there one??

It's all formed by the people involved. Oddly, I was discussing it with some very old friends last weekend. We rip each other to shreds one minute and support each other then next. As we hadn't seen each other for years, my mate remarked on it and asked why are we like that. I said it's because we can, we all know we love each other - it's a given. They laughed said let's drink to that and got another round in. The line, it's about intention. We challenge each other, because we care, we do it with humour because it's more fun that way. And everyone feels free to say what comes to mind without bad intention being presumed. We'll be the same in 30 years if we are still alive. I don't think there is a line between us, we've actively tried to find it in past and laughed about it the next day.

This ^^ is what I mean in implied permission. Just said more eloquently.

^ meaning Hans said it better. "

Than your good-self? That's quite an accolade, thank you.

I thought your comment was spot on.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ot to giggle OP   Woman
20 weeks ago

Coventry


"It's banter when everyone involved is onboard (consenting) to it.

Of course if you dish it out, you can't really moan about getting it back.

but what are we dishing? who dictates that level? i accept i have a warped humour and i take it back as well as give out - but where is the line or isnt there one??

It's all formed by the people involved. Oddly, I was discussing it with some very old friends last weekend. We rip each other to shreds one minute and support each other then next. As we hadn't seen each other for years, my mate remarked on it and asked why are we like that. I said it's because we can, we all know we love each other - it's a given. They laughed said let's drink to that and got another round in. The line, it's about intention. We challenge each other, because we care, we do it with humour because it's more fun that way. And everyone feels free to say what comes to mind without bad intention being presumed. We'll be the same in 30 years if we are still alive. I don't think there is a line between us, we've actively tried to find it in past and laughed about it the next day.

This ^^ is what I mean in implied permission. Just said more eloquently.

^ meaning Hans said it better.

yes it was well put - its very tricky line isnt it really - and of course so much harder to do this on written media - you havent got the body language and facial expressions to work with either

I’ve only got 2 anyway. The ‘call that a large white wine? Is your mum tied up in the vineyard?’ or ‘I don’t know if this an impeding heart attack or I just need to try harder when scrolling on TikTok’. They serve me well. Mostly. "

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
20 weeks ago

Banter can only be banter when it is within boundaries of those engaging in it. Once it crosses the boundaries, whether unbeknownst to those involved or not, it stops being banter. However, one cannot be a mind reader if and when banter crosses boundaries. It requires communicating the line has been crossed and it’s no longer fun and playful.

A lot of communication, including banter, is better understood through non verbal communications associated or tied to it. Banter online lacks this making it, at times, more difficult for others to know when banter is no longer banter.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ot to giggle OP   Woman
20 weeks ago

Coventry


"I’d need the context of whatever it was you’re referring to. Impossible to give a general opinion. "

it was just really wondering where the line is, is it different for everyone, who finds it hard ... just lots of questions really - a though provoker

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ealitybitesMan
20 weeks ago

Belfast

I've just spent a week in the company of 11 others, 7 of whom were complete strangers until this week.

There was lots of banter but some lines were crossed when alcohol had been consumed and those responsible were asked to apologise which they did and were very genuine in doing so.

The issues were language related as not everyone was a native English speaker so they didn't understand how they were causing offence when they had heard others using similar words and making people laugh.

Everything was good natured and once it was explained we were able to move on.

Communication is important but sometimes humour doesn't travel well.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ora the explorerWoman
20 weeks ago

Paradise, Herts


"I’d need the context of whatever it was you’re referring to. Impossible to give a general opinion.

it was just really wondering where the line is, is it different for everyone, who finds it hard ... just lots of questions really - a though provoker "

Yeah definitely different for everyone. 100 percent x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *onkeynutWoman
20 weeks ago

somewhere

I don’t really like the word banter but I will have joke/be playful with someone and if they unintentionally go too far then I would tell them. I wouldn’t be offended by something they said if they clearly didn’t mean to offend.

People have different triggers and thresholds so to ‘banter’ with someone you don’t know well is always a risk of someone being offended.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *agatoXXXMan
19 weeks ago

Gone and completely forgotten.


"ok I'm prepared for you to blow me out with this one .... but when does banter stop being banter and become offensive or aggressive or even disrespectful towards a particular gender?

There are kinks and I'm not kink shaming, but .................."

Banter becomes bullying when an exclusive group pick on someone they exclude, for whatever reason, to ridicule, or further exclude that person. There's a word for that group, but it escapes me for some reason...

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top