Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
 | Back to forum list |
| Back to The Lounge |
| Jump to newest |  |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Im a carer for my mum and im currently doing well thank you. How are you ?" I'm glad you're doing well. I'm doing ok thank you. I care for my dad who is 97 and before she died two years ago my mum. Mr N is a great support. It's stressful.  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Having cared for a few loved ones, I have nothing but admiration for anyone that does this for a living. "I admire people who do it for a living and those who do it for love. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I care for adult and children with learning disabilities and autism, i have now come to see life in a different way, it’s an interesting career, " It must make you look at life differently | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 .
My best friend is having issues with her mum now and really struggling & I wish there was more I could do to help her,as it does take its toll. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"A totally under valued role." Very much so, both paid and unpaid | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I cared for my dad for almost 5 years after my mum died, plus I worked long hours too. It's so hard on anyone, sending love to anyone who needs it .
My best friend is having issues with her mum now and really struggling & I wish there was more I could do to help her,as it does take its toll. "It usually falls to one person doesn't it. Is your friend getting all the help from ss that she's entitled to? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I cared for my dad for almost 5 years after my mum died, plus I worked long hours too. It's so hard on anyone, sending love to anyone who needs it .
My best friend is having issues with her mum now and really struggling & I wish there was more I could do to help her,as it does take its toll.
It usually falls to one person doesn't it. Is your friend getting all the help from ss that she's entitled to?"It does sadly but, she has other family who help out too. It's just so sad, she said to me that she hasn't spoken to her actual mum in over 6 years, due to demetia, which is very severe now. It gets to a roles reversed stage doesn't it, where the parents are the ones who need looking after. I'd do it all again with my dad, just to have another day with him, his mind was fine, it was his body that gave up. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I cared for my dad for almost 5 years after my mum died, plus I worked long hours too. It's so hard on anyone, sending love to anyone who needs it .
My best friend is having issues with her mum now and really struggling & I wish there was more I could do to help her,as it does take its toll.
It usually falls to one person doesn't it. Is your friend getting all the help from ss that she's entitled to?
It does sadly but, she has other family who help out too.
It's just so sad, she said to me that she hasn't spoken to her actual mum in over 6 years, due to demetia, which is very severe now.
It gets to a roles reversed stage doesn't it, where the parents are the ones who need looking after.
I'd do it all again with my dad, just to have another day with him, his mind was fine, it was his body that gave up. "I frequently say that the roles get reversed. You have to tread a fine line though | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
  | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
to all | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm kind of doing OK, though exhausted and emotionally drained. There are still positives, at seeing and caring for someone, the time is precious. to all"Do you get an opportunity for a bit of respite? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I come across as strong and ok etc but I’m probably not. You have to stay strong, there isn’t really an alternative, not for me anyway. Trying to stay strong can be exhausting in itself x " is there anyone who
you can turn to? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I've been a carer for various family members since I was 12 so I know the level of commitment and sacrifice it requires. There are huge parts of my life that I have no memory of beyond the time spent with those loved ones. I don't regret any of it but I have struggled at times with accepting that I will never get back all those missed experiences as a teenager and young man. I lost my dad 37 years ago and my mum 10 years ago but in 2023 I lost 3 close family members and a friend of more than 40 years. I watched those who were caring for them and felt guilty that I couldn't do anything to help them because I am still so physically and mentally drained from all my years of caring. I am ok with it all now because I know there is only so much I could do. " There comes a point where you need to realise this for your own sake, doesn't there | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I didn't want to hijack the 'are your parents dying?' thread. I know a lot of us are caring for people we love of whatever age. It's hard, unrecognised for the most part and thankless. A lot of my friends are caring for parents or spouses and I know many people care for adult children. How are you all feeling? " I'm an unpaid carer for my Dad who is almost 90. My biggest "issue" is with how lowly the government value/pay unpaid carers. A few years ago, before I became an unpaid carer, I had a half decent job. Although the rate of pay was little more than the minimum wage, the hours of work were long. £9 per hour with a minimum of 60 hours per week in 2018 gave me an annual wage of about £30,000. After finding myself being an unpaid carer, I am now basically on universal credit. I receive the standard £393.45p per month, plus the carer element of £198.31p per month. I also receive an allowance for my housing rental, which is £450 per month (this is not based on my actual rental cost, but is a maximum that I can be paid by UC) Therefore, I receive £1041.76 per month which is £12,501.12 I also get a 100% discount of my council tax, which is worth an extra additional £1395.21 per year. My effective total income is £13896.33p per year. Caring is a 7 day, 52 week job, but of course, my only obligation to receive this income is that I spend at least 35 hours per week "caring". That is 1820 hours per year. I can of course, also claim carers allowance. BUT..... my Universal Credit payment is decreased by 100% of the amount I receive in carers allowance. And of course, I am allowed some breaks from my caring duties. So we will assume that I care for 48 out of 52 weeks per year. (Although I don't take those allowed breaks) So, my obligation is 35 hours per week, 48 weeks of the year. That's 1680 hours per year. In exchange for that, I receive benefits totalling £13,896.33 per year. Divide that by the 1680 hours, and my effective hourly pay is £8.27p per hour. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I didn't want to hijack the 'are your parents dying?' thread. I know a lot of us are caring for people we love of whatever age. It's hard, unrecognised for the most part and thankless. A lot of my friends are caring for parents or spouses and I know many people care for adult children. How are you all feeling? I'm an unpaid carer for my Dad who is almost 90. My biggest "issue" is with how lowly the government value/pay unpaid carers. A few years ago, before I became an unpaid carer, I had a half decent job. Although the rate of pay was little more than the minimum wage, the hours of work were long. £9 per hour with a minimum of 60 hours per week in 2018 gave me an annual wage of about £30,000. After finding myself being an unpaid carer, I am now basically on universal credit. I receive the standard £393.45p per month, plus the carer element of £198.31p per month. I also receive an allowance for my housing rental, which is £450 per month (this is not based on my actual rental cost, but is a maximum that I can be paid by UC) Therefore, I receive £1041.76 per month which is £12,501.12 I also get a 100% discount of my council tax, which is worth an extra additional £1395.21 per year. My effective total income is £13896.33p per year. Caring is a 7 day, 52 week job, but of course, my only obligation to receive this income is that I spend at least 35 hours per week "caring". That is 1820 hours per year. I can of course, also claim carers allowance. BUT..... my Universal Credit payment is decreased by 100% of the amount I receive in carers allowance. And of course, I am allowed some breaks from my caring duties. So we will assume that I care for 48 out of 52 weeks per year. (Although I don't take those allowed breaks) So, my obligation is 35 hours per week, 48 weeks of the year. That's 1680 hours per year. In exchange for that, I receive benefits totalling £13,896.33 per year. Divide that by the 1680 hours, and my effective hourly pay is £8.27p per hour." Agree claiming carers allowance comes off your universal credit £1 4 £1 but the main reason people still claim the old styles carers allowance is they pay your national insurance stamp wheres carers element on uc dosent and the national insurance stamp goes towards your pension so its better to claim it | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
But seriously, since I’ve been put on medication for my anxiety, I’m much more chilled out. I take each day as it comes instead of constantly worrying about everything and anything and trying to problem solve problems that had not even occurred yet, so I don’t feel so overwhelmed these days.
My mum looked after my grandparents in her home when they became ill, as well as looking after my step-dad when he became ill, so it’s something I’ve just got on with unquestioningly as it’s what we do.
So I’m doing ok. (Long winded sorry!). | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I didn't want to hijack the 'are your parents dying?' thread. I know a lot of us are caring for people we love of whatever age. It's hard, unrecognised for the most part and thankless. A lot of my friends are caring for parents or spouses and I know many people care for adult children. How are you all feeling? I'm an unpaid carer for my Dad who is almost 90. My biggest "issue" is with how lowly the government value/pay unpaid carers. A few years ago, before I became an unpaid carer, I had a half decent job. Although the rate of pay was little more than the minimum wage, the hours of work were long. £9 per hour with a minimum of 60 hours per week in 2018 gave me an annual wage of about £30,000. After finding myself being an unpaid carer, I am now basically on universal credit. I receive the standard £393.45p per month, plus the carer element of £198.31p per month. I also receive an allowance for my housing rental, which is £450 per month (this is not based on my actual rental cost, but is a maximum that I can be paid by UC) Therefore, I receive £1041.76 per month which is £12,501.12 I also get a 100% discount of my council tax, which is worth an extra additional £1395.21 per year. My effective total income is £13896.33p per year. Caring is a 7 day, 52 week job, but of course, my only obligation to receive this income is that I spend at least 35 hours per week "caring". That is 1820 hours per year. I can of course, also claim carers allowance. BUT..... my Universal Credit payment is decreased by 100% of the amount I receive in carers allowance. And of course, I am allowed some breaks from my caring duties. So we will assume that I care for 48 out of 52 weeks per year. (Although I don't take those allowed breaks) So, my obligation is 35 hours per week, 48 weeks of the year. That's 1680 hours per year. In exchange for that, I receive benefits totalling £13,896.33 per year. Divide that by the 1680 hours, and my effective hourly pay is £8.27p per hour." With unpaid over time as a bonus. It's awful isn't it. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I care for my mum, well, we live with her. I wouldn’t say it’s a full time caring role as she can still do things for herself etc., but she struggles with her mobility so I assist her with day to day stuff and around the house. I also have my two kids, my youngest of which has ASD. Together with my three dogs and a part time job (domiciliary care related) it’s no wonder I don’t meet these days, I’m too tired
But seriously, since I’ve been put on medication for my anxiety, I’m much more chilled out. I take each day as it comes instead of constantly worrying about everything and anything and trying to problem solve problems that had not even occurred yet, so I don’t feel so overwhelmed these days.
My mum looked after my grandparents in her home when they became ill, as well as looking after my step-dad when he became ill, so it’s something I’ve just got on with unquestioningly as it’s what we do.
So I’m doing ok. (Long winded sorry!)."I'm glad you're anxiety is better
I think 'it's what we do' is a phrase a lot of carers identify with. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"From my personal point of view OP being a carer for my mum was the hardest job I ever had to do with no thanks and an incredible amount of stress that nearly saw the end of me. Would I change it? Not for the world. But would I ever do it again for anyone ever? No. Not a chance. No matter how much I love them. Sending lots of love to the carers out there "I understand completely. I helped my dad care for my mum and now my dad is 97 and needs increasing help (although he is extremely independent) I have resolved that I will not do more than I'm able to or jeopardise my own health and relationship. I'd care for my partner without question though if he needed it. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I didn't want to hijack the 'are your parents dying?' thread. I know a lot of us are caring for people we love of whatever age. It's hard, unrecognised for the most part and thankless. A lot of my friends are caring for parents or spouses and I know many people care for adult children. How are you all feeling? I'm an unpaid carer for my Dad who is almost 90. My biggest "issue" is with how lowly the government value/pay unpaid carers. A few years ago, before I became an unpaid carer, I had a half decent job. Although the rate of pay was little more than the minimum wage, the hours of work were long. £9 per hour with a minimum of 60 hours per week in 2018 gave me an annual wage of about £30,000. After finding myself being an unpaid carer, I am now basically on universal credit. I receive the standard £393.45p per month, plus the carer element of £198.31p per month. I also receive an allowance for my housing rental, which is £450 per month (this is not based on my actual rental cost, but is a maximum that I can be paid by UC) Therefore, I receive £1041.76 per month which is £12,501.12 I also get a 100% discount of my council tax, which is worth an extra additional £1395.21 per year. My effective total income is £13896.33p per year. Caring is a 7 day, 52 week job, but of course, my only obligation to receive this income is that I spend at least 35 hours per week "caring". That is 1820 hours per year. I can of course, also claim carers allowance. BUT..... my Universal Credit payment is decreased by 100% of the amount I receive in carers allowance. And of course, I am allowed some breaks from my caring duties. So we will assume that I care for 48 out of 52 weeks per year. (Although I don't take those allowed breaks) So, my obligation is 35 hours per week, 48 weeks of the year. That's 1680 hours per year. In exchange for that, I receive benefits totalling £13,896.33 per year. Divide that by the 1680 hours, and my effective hourly pay is £8.27p per hour. With unpaid over time as a bonus. It's awful isn't it." And let's be honest that's a generous assessment. Most of those benefits are unrelated to caring. The carers element of UC is £50 a week. Also if you have £16k in savings forget it no UC for you. Just carers allowance. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I didn't want to hijack the 'are your parents dying?' thread. I know a lot of us are caring for people we love of whatever age. It's hard, unrecognised for the most part and thankless. A lot of my friends are caring for parents or spouses and I know many people care for adult children. How are you all feeling? I'm an unpaid carer for my Dad who is almost 90. My biggest "issue" is with how lowly the government value/pay unpaid carers. A few years ago, before I became an unpaid carer, I had a half decent job. Although the rate of pay was little more than the minimum wage, the hours of work were long. £9 per hour with a minimum of 60 hours per week in 2018 gave me an annual wage of about £30,000. After finding myself being an unpaid carer, I am now basically on universal credit. I receive the standard £393.45p per month, plus the carer element of £198.31p per month. I also receive an allowance for my housing rental, which is £450 per month (this is not based on my actual rental cost, but is a maximum that I can be paid by UC) Therefore, I receive £1041.76 per month which is £12,501.12 I also get a 100% discount of my council tax, which is worth an extra additional £1395.21 per year. My effective total income is £13896.33p per year. Caring is a 7 day, 52 week job, but of course, my only obligation to receive this income is that I spend at least 35 hours per week "caring". That is 1820 hours per year. I can of course, also claim carers allowance. BUT..... my Universal Credit payment is decreased by 100% of the amount I receive in carers allowance. And of course, I am allowed some breaks from my caring duties. So we will assume that I care for 48 out of 52 weeks per year. (Although I don't take those allowed breaks) So, my obligation is 35 hours per week, 48 weeks of the year. That's 1680 hours per year. In exchange for that, I receive benefits totalling £13,896.33 per year. Divide that by the 1680 hours, and my effective hourly pay is £8.27p per hour. With unpaid over time as a bonus. It's awful isn't it. And let's be honest that's a generous assessment. Most of those benefits are unrelated to caring. The carers element of UC is £50 a week. Also if you have £16k in savings forget it no UC for you. Just carers allowance." It's scandalous. Working age people are giving up their jobs and often pension prospects, children's lives are impacted beyond measure and they just aren't valued. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I didn't want to hijack the 'are your parents dying?' thread. I know a lot of us are caring for people we love of whatever age. It's hard, unrecognised for the most part and thankless. A lot of my friends are caring for parents or spouses and I know many people care for adult children. How are you all feeling? I'm an unpaid carer for my Dad who is almost 90. My biggest "issue" is with how lowly the government value/pay unpaid carers. A few years ago, before I became an unpaid carer, I had a half decent job. Although the rate of pay was little more than the minimum wage, the hours of work were long. £9 per hour with a minimum of 60 hours per week in 2018 gave me an annual wage of about £30,000. After finding myself being an unpaid carer, I am now basically on universal credit. I receive the standard £393.45p per month, plus the carer element of £198.31p per month. I also receive an allowance for my housing rental, which is £450 per month (this is not based on my actual rental cost, but is a maximum that I can be paid by UC) Therefore, I receive £1041.76 per month which is £12,501.12 I also get a 100% discount of my council tax, which is worth an extra additional £1395.21 per year. My effective total income is £13896.33p per year. Caring is a 7 day, 52 week job, but of course, my only obligation to receive this income is that I spend at least 35 hours per week "caring". That is 1820 hours per year. I can of course, also claim carers allowance. BUT..... my Universal Credit payment is decreased by 100% of the amount I receive in carers allowance. And of course, I am allowed some breaks from my caring duties. So we will assume that I care for 48 out of 52 weeks per year. (Although I don't take those allowed breaks) So, my obligation is 35 hours per week, 48 weeks of the year. That's 1680 hours per year. In exchange for that, I receive benefits totalling £13,896.33 per year. Divide that by the 1680 hours, and my effective hourly pay is £8.27p per hour. With unpaid over time as a bonus. It's awful isn't it. And let's be honest that's a generous assessment. Most of those benefits are unrelated to caring. The carers element of UC is £50 a week. Also if you have £16k in savings forget it no UC for you. Just carers allowance. It's scandalous. Working age people are giving up their jobs and often pension prospects, children's lives are impacted beyond measure and they just aren't valued. " So many carers suffer with depression, anxiety and isolation. Then the MPs pop up at election time for photoshoots calling them unsung heroes and promising them the earth. Election over, you don't hear from them again. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I didn't want to hijack the 'are your parents dying?' thread. I know a lot of us are caring for people we love of whatever age. It's hard, unrecognised for the most part and thankless. A lot of my friends are caring for parents or spouses and I know many people care for adult children. How are you all feeling? I'm an unpaid carer for my Dad who is almost 90. My biggest "issue" is with how lowly the government value/pay unpaid carers. A few years ago, before I became an unpaid carer, I had a half decent job. Although the rate of pay was little more than the minimum wage, the hours of work were long. £9 per hour with a minimum of 60 hours per week in 2018 gave me an annual wage of about £30,000. After finding myself being an unpaid carer, I am now basically on universal credit. I receive the standard £393.45p per month, plus the carer element of £198.31p per month. I also receive an allowance for my housing rental, which is £450 per month (this is not based on my actual rental cost, but is a maximum that I can be paid by UC) Therefore, I receive £1041.76 per month which is £12,501.12 I also get a 100% discount of my council tax, which is worth an extra additional £1395.21 per year. My effective total income is £13896.33p per year. Caring is a 7 day, 52 week job, but of course, my only obligation to receive this income is that I spend at least 35 hours per week "caring". That is 1820 hours per year. I can of course, also claim carers allowance. BUT..... my Universal Credit payment is decreased by 100% of the amount I receive in carers allowance. And of course, I am allowed some breaks from my caring duties. So we will assume that I care for 48 out of 52 weeks per year. (Although I don't take those allowed breaks) So, my obligation is 35 hours per week, 48 weeks of the year. That's 1680 hours per year. In exchange for that, I receive benefits totalling £13,896.33 per year. Divide that by the 1680 hours, and my effective hourly pay is £8.27p per hour. With unpaid over time as a bonus. It's awful isn't it. And let's be honest that's a generous assessment. Most of those benefits are unrelated to caring. The carers element of UC is £50 a week. Also if you have £16k in savings forget it no UC for you. Just carers allowance. It's scandalous. Working age people are giving up their jobs and often pension prospects, children's lives are impacted beyond measure and they just aren't valued. So many carers suffer with depression, anxiety and isolation. Then the MPs pop up at election time for photoshoots calling them unsung heroes and promising them the earth. Election over, you don't hear from them again. " If carers were properly supported practically and financially things would be very different. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I didn't want to hijack the 'are your parents dying?' thread. I know a lot of us are caring for people we love of whatever age. It's hard, unrecognised for the most part and thankless. A lot of my friends are caring for parents or spouses and I know many people care for adult children. How are you all feeling? I'm an unpaid carer for my Dad who is almost 90. My biggest "issue" is with how lowly the government value/pay unpaid carers. A few years ago, before I became an unpaid carer, I had a half decent job. Although the rate of pay was little more than the minimum wage, the hours of work were long. £9 per hour with a minimum of 60 hours per week in 2018 gave me an annual wage of about £30,000. After finding myself being an unpaid carer, I am now basically on universal credit. I receive the standard £393.45p per month, plus the carer element of £198.31p per month. I also receive an allowance for my housing rental, which is £450 per month (this is not based on my actual rental cost, but is a maximum that I can be paid by UC) Therefore, I receive £1041.76 per month which is £12,501.12 I also get a 100% discount of my council tax, which is worth an extra additional £1395.21 per year. My effective total income is £13896.33p per year. Caring is a 7 day, 52 week job, but of course, my only obligation to receive this income is that I spend at least 35 hours per week "caring". That is 1820 hours per year. I can of course, also claim carers allowance. BUT..... my Universal Credit payment is decreased by 100% of the amount I receive in carers allowance. And of course, I am allowed some breaks from my caring duties. So we will assume that I care for 48 out of 52 weeks per year. (Although I don't take those allowed breaks) So, my obligation is 35 hours per week, 48 weeks of the year. That's 1680 hours per year. In exchange for that, I receive benefits totalling £13,896.33 per year. Divide that by the 1680 hours, and my effective hourly pay is £8.27p per hour. With unpaid over time as a bonus. It's awful isn't it. And let's be honest that's a generous assessment. Most of those benefits are unrelated to caring. The carers element of UC is £50 a week. Also if you have £16k in savings forget it no UC for you. Just carers allowance. It's scandalous. Working age people are giving up their jobs and often pension prospects, children's lives are impacted beyond measure and they just aren't valued. So many carers suffer with depression, anxiety and isolation. Then the MPs pop up at election time for photoshoots calling them unsung heroes and promising them the earth. Election over, you don't hear from them again. If carers were properly supported practically and financially things would be very different. " You are preaching to the converted, I couldn't agree more. This country is in a health and social care crisis that will impact generations. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I didn't want to hijack the 'are your parents dying?' thread. I know a lot of us are caring for people we love of whatever age. It's hard, unrecognised for the most part and thankless. A lot of my friends are caring for parents or spouses and I know many people care for adult children. How are you all feeling? " Unloved. Orphaned despite having two living parents. Stressed. Under supported. That it's very unfair. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm a carer for my mother, been doing it for the past 12 years, an missed most of my 20's an feeling very drained at the moment " Is there anyone who can help you, are there any carers charities in your area? | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Mum and Dad are slowing but only need help with tech at the moment. " We refer to ourselves as tech support 😜 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I didn't want to hijack the 'are your parents dying?' thread. I know a lot of us are caring for people we love of whatever age. It's hard, unrecognised for the most part and thankless. A lot of my friends are caring for parents or spouses and I know many people care for adult children. How are you all feeling? Unloved. Orphaned despite having two living parents. Stressed. Under supported. That it's very unfair." I hear ya' 🫂 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm my wife's registered carer and often have to help her with various tasks due to her disabilities. It's an honour and a privilege to be able to take these things off her plate, but I hate that the universe has dealt her a hand with those cards in it. She lost basically her entire twenties because of it, when she should have been living her best life." | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Tired, drained, resentful, overwhelmed, skint, depressed, honoured... all amongst a plethora of other thoughts and feelings. I've worked on major projects for the Olympics, helped design and build the safety systems for the Shard, been chair at a preserved railway and none of them have come close to the stress and drain of being a carer. The emotional turmoil of the role reversal, especially after being brought up to be respectful to your elders and in turn arguing with my parents, and frustratingly more often than not, only doing so regard issues that benefit them. And, at the same time, still having to do so with my children. I've lost my career and any decent income, the possibility of ever owning my own home, a decent living wage and although it had it's flaws, it only ever put more strain on my failing marriage and at points my consequent relationships. And even when I'm not working, never feel I can afford to do the things I'd like, let alone anything like a holiday. I'd never want to be supported by the state but rather than support, often left feeling I'm fighting them on behalf of the olds. The son and parent relationship is lost, it's impossible to visit and see them without looking and seeing what's needed as a carer. Not just the mental strain, but physically it's demanding too. But... on the same account, I feel honoured I'm in a position to do so and still have my parents and this then conflicts with all of the above and the negatives. It has to be the hardest, most draining and unrewarded job going. 😞 " It's difficult to maintain relationships isn't it. I do sympathise and empathise I'm often viewed as hard because I limit the emotional and practical support I give my dad but I've made a conscious decision to put my relationship with my partner first. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Pretty much manageable in outside world, especially when you have no other choice but sometimes on here I can feel envy creeping in, for all those who enjoy their free evenings, bank holidays, trips abroad and for someone who is able to see their lovers every other Tuesday/Thursday/whenever because I know I will never ever have that. " I know I've already said a little about myself, but I felt this | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I’m not going to go into my personal circumstances here but thank you for posting this xx" 🙂 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 but I have previous experience of kitchen fires so I do tend to get panicky.
Love to all x it’s not easy! | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Still treading water. Almost had a kitchen fire on the weekend after a bag of shopping was placed on a lit cooker burner that I didn’t know (or notice) had been lit. Luckily I noticed just as it caught on fire and managed to fling it into the sink to put out. My mum was oblivious to leaving the cooker burner on and thought I was over reacting but I have previous experience of kitchen fires so I do tend to get panicky.
Love to all x it’s not easy!"😯 it's scary isn't it.I don't think you were over reacting. When mum was alive I noticed a huge burn in the fireside rug. When I asked what had happened and got the full story over a few weeks because they both forgot they'd told me an edited version it transpired that they'd both been asleep, the fire guard was at the other end of the room , a large lump of coal had jumped out of the fire and on to the mat. Neither of them woken up despite my mum sitting only two feet from the fire. 😨. It was decided that it would be sensible to have the fire guard up at all times but of course it never happened | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm rarely serious on here but just the thought of it is heartbreaking. I'm thankfully no where near that point yet (fingers crossed), but everything about my parents getting older worries me. My dad turned 70 yesterday. They're both happy and in good health though. Just the thought is bad enough without having to go through it. I've heard some hideous stories (mostly dementia related). "The thing is that often it starts with small things which are easy to fit around your life and don't impact on their independence and before you know it you're sitting at work fielding calls from paramedics and a and e doctors. It may never happen to your family and I wish long life and health on your parents | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"My Dad is now banned from the podiatrist, as well as a culture venue. Apparently I'm supposed to keep him away from these places despite him being deemed fit to live alone and me living so far away and being disabled myself. I am at my wit's end and his physical aggression is now dangerous, in my opinion. It's the reason he's banned from the venue. " It's incredible that this is continuing. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"My Dad is now banned from the podiatrist, as well as a culture venue. Apparently I'm supposed to keep him away from these places despite him being deemed fit to live alone and me living so far away and being disabled myself. I am at my wit's end and his physical aggression is now dangerous, in my opinion. It's the reason he's banned from the venue. It's incredible that this is continuing. " Absolutely nothing useful has happened after these reports. | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"My Dad is now banned from the podiatrist, as well as a culture venue. Apparently I'm supposed to keep him away from these places despite him being deemed fit to live alone and me living so far away and being disabled myself. I am at my wit's end and his physical aggression is now dangerous, in my opinion. It's the reason he's banned from the venue. It's incredible that this is continuing. Absolutely nothing useful has happened after these reports. " 😡 | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I am changed by the period I spent caring for my parents It has taken the gloss off me and out of life Yet, given the chance, I would do it all over again " Yes I'd do it again but I'd do it differently | |||
| Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| Post new Message to Thread |
| back to top |  |
