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Mental health

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By *iss.Bella. OP   Woman
24 weeks ago

Wales

I know we talk about it to no end. But I have a question which I don't really know how to word. So bare with me (if you can be arsed reading). This is something I've googled but there doesn't seem to be answer. Maybe there isn't?

Long story shortish, I'm coming out the other end of a really shite place mentally and I'm now realising the impact it had on my life. I'd become so unorganised and really passed the point of caring. But now I am left with a very cluttered space around me. Like really bad. And I'm now trying to deal with it and get my shit together.

But I have this huge lack of motivation almost like a mental block. I don't know if it's just that it is massive effort or if it's more than that. Am I clinging on to the dark place, I don't know or am I just lazy?

Has anyone experienced this and hoq did they overcome it because I'm driving myself insane. Filing that, send chocolate

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By *iss.Bella. OP   Woman
24 weeks ago

Wales

Re reads OP

Well, no one's going to want to read all that you fucking dick

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By *ackformore100Man
24 weeks ago

Tin town


"I know we talk about it to no end. But I have a question which I don't really know how to word. So bare with me (if you can be arsed reading). This is something I've googled but there doesn't seem to be answer. Maybe there isn't?

Long story shortish, I'm coming out the other end of a really shite place mentally and I'm now realising the impact it had on my life. I'd become so unorganised and really passed the point of caring. But now I am left with a very cluttered space around me. Like really bad. And I'm now trying to deal with it and get my shit together.

But I have this huge lack of motivation almost like a mental block. I don't know if it's just that it is massive effort or if it's more than that. Am I clinging on to the dark place, I don't know or am I just lazy?

Has anyone experienced this and hoq did they overcome it because I'm driving myself insane. Filing that, send chocolate "

It's probably not about being lazy, probably more to do with some bad habits that have developed... Be kind to yourself, set one or two achievable goals a week and start at the bottom step and take one step at a time. If you look at the whole it seems insurmountable. If you take tiny steps it's more achievable. Good luck with it. Take your first step.

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By *8on33Man
24 weeks ago

winfrith


"Re reads OP

Well, no one's going to want to read all that you fucking dick "
It wasn't too bad allow yourself time to recover ,it seems you're not actually over it yet ,its ok to be lazy don't beat yourself up about it ,try and focus on the positives ,go out and enjoy yourself, put the smile back in your life .If not come lie on my couch I'm a psychiatrist.

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

OP, as someone that is a shut in and only looks at 4 walls, i do understand your thoughts.

When I do find some motivation it doesn't last long but I tidy. I start in one place, 1 wall and work my way round. It may take 4 times longer but I get there

Sending some ummphh x

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By *ed VoluptaWoman
24 weeks ago

Wirral.

Aw, hun. Firstly, we'll Don you for coming out the other side.

Secondly, of course there's going to be "mess" in the physical world if you've been preoccupied getting your mental health together. Just take things bit by bit, Rome wasn't built in a day!

When I feel like everything's a mess & where do I start, I use the cleaning house analogy. I "clean" one room a day, starting with the smallest. Get that first one ship shape and the buzz it gives you leads you to carry on.

But remember, don't know yourself it it gets "messy" again. That's life. Just get the duster out again.

And be kind to yourself. It's a bloody big step you've taken

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By *till gameMan
24 weeks ago

two doors down

I’ve read it and can relate

I reached out to friend for help, she came up with a plan of tidying up one small area a day, so no pressure, but once one bit was looking good, it gave me the motivation to do more and more

Hope that helps x

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By *ou only live onceMan
24 weeks ago

London

I get that. When you know you want to fix something but it's become too big to feel manageable? Scale it down.

If this is a physical space thing, could you tackle one room at a time, or even one draw at a time? Whatever is manageable.

Sorry if I've taken too literal an approach!

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
24 weeks ago

kent

Hello OP, I know exactly the feeling you’re describing. The legacy of trauma can be deep and long-lasting. I’m seven years out from the things that happened to me, and I have never recovered the same level of motivation and strength that I had before. The thing to remember is that the experiences we go through change us. You are a different person today to the person you were. It’s important to try and make peace with who you are today. If there are things you need to do, approach them slowly, little by little, and don’t beat yourself up about not being as on top of things as you used to be. I hope this makes sense Xx

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By *angOnBunnyCouple
24 weeks ago

Ipswich

We've both exited abusive relationships that really put you in a dark place.

Mental health is so important and it's so hard to drag yourself out of those dark thoughts. Friends are essential, as is communication. But also acceptance of the issue to therefore resolve it.

Exercise is what helps us to keep the mind balanced xxx

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By *ansoffateMan
24 weeks ago

Sagittarius A


"Re reads OP

Well, no one's going to want to read all that you fucking dick "

I read it and I appreciate when people are open; can be vulnerable and share their experiences. It can take a lot of courage to talk about mental health issues openly.

I can relate, in my own way. Every time my PTSD is triggered, I feel like I have failed. Let myself down, let others down. It's hard to get the motivation back and get over the 'what's the point it'll just happen again' gremlin.

I've been down so goddam long that it looks like up to me. That lyric in Jim Morrison's voice pops back in there. I dig deep, try and move forward one step at a time. Sometimes that's like wading through lava. Sometimes I need to let myself wallow in it till I get accustomed to the burn first.

An ex-forumite once said to me that I need to accept it's a part of me. They are right.

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By *ivemealadybonerWoman
24 weeks ago

somewhere

I've experienced this, it's like you know what needs doing but you just don't and this just drives you mad, it's a vicious cycle.

What helped me no end is having a goal every day, not a huge one, something simple like dusting the dining table and ticking that off my list, I also saw something recently about a dishwasher, if you put it on and it goes round 3 times, it doesn't matter.

Small steps, with those small steps one thing hopefully will lead to bigger ones but one thing at a time x

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
24 weeks ago

Reading

Try Flylady. She's all about starting small with easy to keep routines.

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By *idssissyTV/TS
24 weeks ago

Birmingham

Can relate to this and like you wondered if it was laziness or something else or thinking it would not make much difference to my mood.

Like others said do try small bits at a time

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By *arla SwingerWoman
24 weeks ago

Somewhere

If you mean actually cluttered with stuff OP? Can you break it down into sections?

Shut off rooms you don't need to tackle straight away. Focus on say getting your bedroom/bathroom sorted out? Then you've got a nice space to relax?

If some stuff you know you definitely don't need. Be ruthless toss it into bin bags. It'll free up space, and take the mental task of having to sift through it out of the equation.

I used to follow a FlyLady thread - it broke things down into bite sized tasks you can cope with sorting - so, make sure the dishes are done before you go to bed. It's one small thing, but can have a massive impact on how you feel...

And try not to beat yourself up if the process goes slow!

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By *ot to giggleWoman
24 weeks ago

Coventry

congratulation on reaching the other side and identifying some of the things that are happening for you. I had to do some research for a person i was supporting with work on similar. Google hoarding, it sound extreme but we nearly all do it to a greater or lesser extent. Its about identifying why we think we need to hang on to stuff and working out a way to start getting rid of stuff. I am the world's worse, i have a child that forever dumps and i am at the stage i walk past it now - we become blind to it really.

Start small, its always about little steps and identifying which bit you need to clear. It is about finding a way that sustains the clearning and you dont just return to putting it somewhere else so shifting the crap really.

but maybe your not quite ready yet!

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By *urry BlokeMan
24 weeks ago

Stalybridge

There are companies out there that will do this for you

At a cost of course

But you're the only one that can move you on mentally

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By *ealMissShadyWoman
24 weeks ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders


"I know we talk about it to no end. But I have a question which I don't really know how to word. So bare with me (if you can be arsed reading). This is something I've googled but there doesn't seem to be answer. Maybe there isn't?

Long story shortish, I'm coming out the other end of a really shite place mentally and I'm now realising the impact it had on my life. I'd become so unorganised and really passed the point of caring. But now I am left with a very cluttered space around me. Like really bad. And I'm now trying to deal with it and get my shit together.

But I have this huge lack of motivation almost like a mental block. I don't know if it's just that it is massive effort or if it's more than that. Am I clinging on to the dark place, I don't know or am I just lazy?

Has anyone experienced this and hoq did they overcome it because I'm driving myself insane. Filing that, send chocolate "

Sending love and a huge bar of Dairy Milk

Don't under estimate what you are going through. Give yourself time, don't be so hard on yourself. And while you are recovering make yourself priority, everything else will follow. Small steps to move forward

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By *rsKOTCTWoman
24 weeks ago

Leeds

Bella, it's not just you I get like this too, it's hard especially when you aren't in the best place mentally.

No you aren't lazy but you've been in a shit place and lost your motivation, that doesn't make you a bad person.

It's hard to know where to start when things slip a little, try not to look at the whole lot as needing to be done and sorted asap.

I find putting my music on and doing little bits give me the motivation to do more, I have to start early too, maybe just hoover, then declutter somewhere then I'll be happy with myself it'll motivate me to do more but that 1st step is the hard part.

If I don't start early I won't do it.

Try breaking it down into little tasks, just small achievable non daunting tasks - polish 1 room, de clutter a space etc rather than focusing on a huge task that seems impossible to start.

Make a little list of small things to go and as you tick them off it'll help as you can see what you've accomplished rather then feeling lazy.

I hope that helps, what works for me may not for you.

you got this!

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By *ell GwynnWoman
24 weeks ago

North Yorkshire

There's a website called Unfuck Your Habitat that was created by someone who experienced a similar thing.

It's about starting small, really small, such as a bedside table covered in clutter one day, then one kitchen counter the next and so on.

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By *edeWoman
24 weeks ago

the abyss

There's some really good ideas up there and given my own muddy puddle headspace right now, I don't have much I can add.

So I'm just here to give a hug and I always have spare chocolate for anyone that needs it! Keep going and be gentle with yourself

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By *ty31Man
24 weeks ago

NW London

I think somethimes things pile up gradually and bit by bit and before you know it your left with a big pile that looks like a mountain.

Whether it's something physical (like a messy flat) or mental (life problems) it's worth remembering that every journey starts with a single step.

I think the mental block comes from facing such a big pile that one either doesn't know where to start or the feeling that whatever one does won't even make a small dent.

I think it's best to get out of the mindset that you need to tackle the whole thing in one go and instead chisel away at it constantly, one small bit at a time. I think your motivation will come back when you see the pile becoming smaller and more manageable.

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By *ichaelsmyMan
24 weeks ago

douglas

the task seems massive and therefore it is daunting for you to attempt to handle it in one go.

you sound like you are in a better place because you do want to attempt it.

break the task down into smaller tasks.

example

tidy the fridge

tidy a cupboard or two

fill one bag of rubbish at a time.

then have a reward for each part that you completed.

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By *cLovin2Man
24 weeks ago

Reading

OP

Sounds a bit like what I went through when I broke up with the ex. It took me a couple of years to get my head straight, and move forward. Take it one step at a time love. You will get over it. I remember reading about someone who went into an old people's home and asked them if they had any regrets in life. Do you know what the most common one was?

"I wish I didn't worry as much as I did."

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By *iss.Bella. OP   Woman
24 weeks ago

Wales

Thank you all for your replies both here and via pm very much appreciated and I think all answers have the same theme through them. Take it a little a time.

Here's to getting my shit together one drawer at a time

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