FabSwingers.com forum: Worst things about sex

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I’ll go first…

Smelly bum holes

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

A stray nipple in the eyeball…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stepping in dogshit, while running from the house barefooted, because the husband came home early.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Sleeping afterwards in a soggy bed

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By *ouple2playCouple
over a year ago

Solihull

"Stepping in dogshit, while running from the house barefooted, because the husband came home early. "

Husband coming home early

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

When it ends…

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By *icky KlungespeareMan
over a year ago

St Leonards

Keeping the body fresh after the first two weeks

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By *onjudgesCouple (MM)
over a year ago

Carlisle

Unexpected friendly fire.

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By *ny1localMan
over a year ago

READING

Wanting a conversation afterwards, instead of being allowed to have a sleep.

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By *aptain Caveman41Man
over a year ago

Home

Lack of it

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

east of Stamford

Seeing everyone watching in the Asda car park.

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By *ayPrimeMan
over a year ago

Leeds

Tidying up afterwards. You try getting a d up llama back in its paddock.

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By *arley QuimWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere

When they cum in their pants before you get em off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me.

His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you.

It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him.

He needs to reload to repeat.

Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t.

They linger around too long.

The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt.

Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

east of Stamford

"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me.

His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you.

It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him.

He needs to reload to repeat.

Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t.

They linger around too long.

The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt.

Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt. "

But apart from that......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me.

His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you.

It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him.

He needs to reload to repeat.

Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t.

They linger around too long.

The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt.

Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt.

But apart from that......

Well now you mention it I forgot to mention sex. Sex with me is the worst decision anyone could ever make.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

east of Stamford

"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me.

His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you.

It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him.

He needs to reload to repeat.

Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t.

They linger around too long.

The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt.

Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt.

But apart from that......

Well now you mention it I forgot to mention sex. Sex with me is the worst decision anyone could ever make.

Is a blowjob out of the question then?

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Swanage

Sticking my penis in a hairy pussy and pumping it..... Pump up the jam

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By *ripfillMan
over a year ago

Paris, New York, Hong Kong and Havant

Where to find that sock after sex ? -

Who’s making the tea ?

Asking to shower again ?

Asking for second helpings ? Reloaded …. Ready

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By *evin90Man
over a year ago

London

Whenever you EP or when you just can't get it up smh

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

When they wake up.

The mr

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me.

His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you.

It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him.

He needs to reload to repeat.

Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t.

They linger around too long.

The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt.

Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt. "

Just a few things then lol

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

London

The lack of it, perhaps?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you ask them how it was for them…… and they reply with LOL, what does that even mean?

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By *mmaleiaWoman
over a year ago

Trowbridge

Cum in the eyes

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By *he love catsCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

When you're bed turns into a water bed and it's usually my side

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Post nut clarity (sometimes)

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By *lowupdollTV/TS
over a year ago

Herts/Beds/Leeds/London

When the moustache I drew on my hand starts to smudge.

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By *ilva69Man
over a year ago

stockport

When the window cleaner knocks on the window to ask for clean water

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By *itnessXxMan
over a year ago

london

Said its too sore i need to stop.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

o o OO o o

Having to stifle fanny farts. Particularly after a good pumping

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By *luehairedcumslutCouple
over a year ago

St Neots

"When they wake up.

The mr "

This is dark humor at its best haha

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When you ask them how it was for them…… and they reply with LOL, what does that even mean?

LOL

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sleeping afterwards in a soggy bed"
literally HATE this.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Post nut clarity (sometimes)

It’s the worst and then you think of all the wrong things you’ve done in life and then end up hating yourself for 5 mins straight

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me.

His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you.

It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him.

He needs to reload to repeat.

Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t.

They linger around too long.

The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt.

Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt. "

Have we met??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not getting enough of it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me.

His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you.

It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him.

He needs to reload to repeat.

Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t.

They linger around too long.

The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt.

Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt.

Have we met??

No, silly. I’d know if I had slept with a virgin. It would be an unforgettable 2 seconds of “fun”.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me.

His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you.

It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him.

He needs to reload to repeat.

Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t.

They linger around too long.

The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt.

Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt.

Have we met??

No, silly. I’d know if I had slept with a virgin. It would be an unforgettable 2 seconds of “fun”. "

You give me too much credit it would be over before it left the boxers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me.

His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you.

It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him.

He needs to reload to repeat.

Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t.

They linger around too long.

The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt.

Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt.

Have we met??

No, silly. I’d know if I had slept with a virgin. It would be an unforgettable 2 seconds of “fun”.

You give me too much credit it would be over before it left the boxers

I thought it would take you only two seconds to whip it out of your boxers. It would be over at that point. We are on the same wave length here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me.

His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you.

It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him.

He needs to reload to repeat.

Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t.

They linger around too long.

The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt.

Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt.

Have we met??

No, silly. I’d know if I had slept with a virgin. It would be an unforgettable 2 seconds of “fun”.

You give me too much credit it would be over before it left the boxers

I thought it would take you only two seconds to whip it out of your boxers. It would be over at that point. We are on the same wave length here.

So we have met!!

Either that or your psychic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Still not getting enough sex

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Your having it with Wonko

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me.

His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you.

It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him.

He needs to reload to repeat.

Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t.

They linger around too long.

The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt.

Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt.

Have we met??

No, silly. I’d know if I had slept with a virgin. It would be an unforgettable 2 seconds of “fun”.

You give me too much credit it would be over before it left the boxers

I thought it would take you only two seconds to whip it out of your boxers. It would be over at that point. We are on the same wave length here.

So we have met!!

Either that or your psychic

Ffs, I must be extra ordinary if you’re unsure that we’ve already met. Worse sex ever!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No, silly. I’d know if I had slept with a virgin. It would be an unforgettable 2 seconds of “fun”.

You give me too much credit it would be over before it left the boxers

I thought it would take you only two seconds to whip it out of your boxers. It would be over at that point. We are on the same wave length here.

So we have met!!

Either that or your psychic

Ffs, I must be extra ordinary if you’re unsure that we’ve already met. Worse sex ever! "

Nah i know who my worst is and it’s not you!!!

Hope that makes you feel better

Oooops another secret out of the bag!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sleeping afterwards in a soggy bed"

You go on the dryer side hahah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me.

His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you.

It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him.

He needs to reload to repeat.

Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t.

They linger around too long.

The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt.

Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt.

But apart from that......

Well now you mention it I forgot to mention sex. Sex with me is the worst decision anyone could ever make.

Sure itll be one of them good bad decisions though

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By *melia DominaTV/TS
over a year ago

Edinburgh (She/Her)

If anybody has a tip for removing Lube Stains send it my way...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The lack of it, perhaps?"

Agreed

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By *ot to giggleWoman
over a year ago

Coventry

when its all over before they remove the boxers and you wonder if the kettle has boiled yet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having to stifle fanny farts. Particularly after a good pumping

Brilliant, i say just them let them out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"when its all over before they remove the boxers and you wonder if the kettle has boiled yet

Fucking hell

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By *eeper ThanMan
over a year ago

Dartford

Wanting it everyday

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By *ubikslongswordMan
over a year ago

Rubiksville

The clean up after

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wanting it everyday "

Does it affect your health?

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By *enegadeMMan
over a year ago

Witney

It’s over too quick

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By *eeper ThanMan
over a year ago

Dartford

"Wanting it everyday

Does it affect your health? "

Dunno about my health but definitely trusting and some days is very frustrating !!!!

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By *rixie_BlondeWoman
over a year ago

London (She/Her)

Babies

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By *rBobbMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Babies"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wanting it everyday

Does it affect your health?

Dunno about my health but definitely trusting and some days is very frustrating !!!!"

Just to be certain we are understanding one another here. You mean trusting not thrusting, yeah?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wanting it everyday

Does it affect your health?

Dunno about my health but definitely trusting and some days is very frustrating !!!!

Just to be certain we are understanding one another here. You mean trusting not thrusting, yeah? "

Cheeky one you are, like it

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

east of Stamford

If we've got to the stage where we're about to have sex then the actual sex is the least of my worries.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having the huge build up for it not to be anything youd have imagined it to be

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I’ll be brave & say what all the men are thinking…..

How to keep her in doggy while you decide where best to hide that small lump of poo that came out on the end of your cock after her multiple anal orgasm

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By *aughty_Smooth_OperatorMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

When you can’t get it up

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By *ivilised matureMan
over a year ago

East Sheen/ Barnes

As others may have said "not getting any"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If we've got to the stage where we're about to have sex then the actual sex is the least of my worries.

Well, what’s your greatest worry then?

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

east of Stamford

"If we've got to the stage where we're about to have sex then the actual sex is the least of my worries.

Well, what’s your greatest worry then? "

Tbh - not satisfying her.

(I know it's a bit cliché, but...)

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Thinking which bloke "on the telly" she would rather be with. But hey, it makes up our game!

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By *agatoXXXMan
over a year ago

742 Evergreen Terrace

I don't remember any of it, the good or the bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If we've got to the stage where we're about to have sex then the actual sex is the least of my worries.

Well, what’s your greatest worry then?

Tbh - not satisfying her.

(I know it's a bit cliché, but...)"

Equip yourself with a Satisfyer you’ll always satisfy-her.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

east of Stamford

"If we've got to the stage where we're about to have sex then the actual sex is the least of my worries.

Well, what’s your greatest worry then?

Tbh - not satisfying her.

(I know it's a bit cliché, but...)

Equip yourself with a Satisfyer you’ll always satisfy-her. "

Noted.

All I need now is a lady.

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By *unchalMan
over a year ago

Dartford

"I’ll go first…

Smelly bum holes "

Yeah. Smell. Usually men. Don’t think I have ever been with a smelly woman. We need to teach our men to be more considerate and accept that their smell is sometimes just rotten sweat.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Swanage

I can't think of anything sorry ok feet

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By *unchalMan
over a year ago

Dartford

"Wanting it everyday "

I want it everyday but occasionally I’m offered but I just can’t make the effort.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ll be brave & say what all the men are thinking…..

How to keep her in doggy while you decide where best to hide that small lump of poo that came out on the end of your cock after her multiple anal orgasm

Fucking brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ll go first…

Smelly bum holes

Yeah. Smell. Usually men. Don’t think I have ever been with a smelly woman. We need to teach our men to be more considerate and accept that their smell is sometimes just rotten sweat. "

You need that taught to you? I mean basics cleanliness would be the lowest the car could be set. You’re not even asking them to pick up the bar.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If we've got to the stage where we're about to have sex then the actual sex is the least of my worries.

Well, what’s your greatest worry then?

Tbh - not satisfying her.

(I know it's a bit cliché, but...)

Equip yourself with a Satisfyer you’ll always satisfy-her.

Noted.

All I need now is a lady.

Lovehoney stock them too. Inflatable but in stock.

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By *luehairedcumslutCouple
over a year ago

St Neots

"When you can’t get it up

Mann this is the worse... Happened to me before. I always remember I met someone from here as a single, most likely her worse ever meet. Looking up at me taking the most limp dick in her mouth and it not reacting at all!! I was betrayed that day!

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By *rjay224Man
over a year ago

scotland

When your cock slips out and it’s very slippy and just slides straight up and into your body hurts sometimes

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Sleeping afterwards in a soggy bed literally HATE this. "

God gave us towels for a reason

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

east of Stamford

"If we've got to the stage where we're about to have sex then the actual sex is the least of my worries.

Well, what’s your greatest worry then?

Tbh - not satisfying her.

(I know it's a bit cliché, but...)

Equip yourself with a Satisfyer you’ll always satisfy-her.

Noted.

All I need now is a lady.

Lovehoney stock them too. Inflatable but in stock.

And I've got a puncture repair kit already.

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By *urvyFan!Man
over a year ago

Bury

Sore bum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not getting enough sex

Not getting enough anal sex

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By *akedMMan
over a year ago

Witney

Not getting any at all

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By *amhorniestMan
over a year ago

Surrey

When she asks, is it in yet?

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By *eordieJeansCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

The apologies and tears after shooting your muck in 2.5 seconds.

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By *uckslut and MCouple
over a year ago

Poole

When they are happily banging away, and your thinking, your not actually in me. Do they not realise? You really think I have a bucket fanny?

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By *ayPrimeMan
over a year ago

Leeds

The need to listen to Hêroin by Lou Reed immediately after climax and not being able to speak well enough for Alexa to do as she’s fucking told.

I realise on seeing that written down that it may not be all that relatable.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

Having awesome sex and then wanting it again…

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By *rRiosMan
over a year ago

dublin

"When the moustache I drew on my hand starts to smudge. "

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By *WB85Man
over a year ago

Staffordshire

Looking for the condom when you notice its no longer attached.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The man

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By *allandathleticMan
over a year ago

Asgard

When she's riding you like a bucking bronco and you slip out and get bent in half.

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By *rucking-HellMan
over a year ago

Northampton

Whiffy vaginas.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Whiffy vaginas. "

100% this!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"When she's riding you like a bucking bronco and you slip out and get bent in half."

This is why you need to be one to dominate!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The worst thing for me is I can't get any.

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By *y AmoreMan
over a year ago

london

"Sleeping afterwards in a soggy bed"

Definitely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The ‘aftercare’

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The apologies and tears after shooting your muck in 2.5 seconds."

Can you blame them ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The ‘aftercare’

This does my head in.

It's sex not fucking surgery.

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By *issilia AmoriWoman
over a year ago

St Albans/ North Welsh Borders

When the guy disturbs your viewing of news at 10 because he's feeling frisky

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By *ffervescentMan
over a year ago

winfrith

All that effort .

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By *hortishblondeWoman
over a year ago

Essex

When he says he's going home but all you want is another go

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

east of Stamford

"When he says he's going home but all you want is another go

Wasn't 6 times enough?

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By *ortney FoxxxWoman
over a year ago

Cardiff

"When she's riding you like a bucking bronco and you slip out and get bent in half."

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By *hortishblondeWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"When he says he's going home but all you want is another go

Wasn't 6 times enough?

I should be so lucky lol

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

east of Stamford

"When he says he's going home but all you want is another go

Wasn't 6 times enough?

I should be so lucky lol "

Noted.

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By *issYeuxBleusWoman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

When they always think I’ve climaxed but I’m just really loud. Keep going!!!!! Fuck sake it’s gone now.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

east of Stamford

"When they always think I’ve climaxed but I’m just really loud. Keep going!!!!! Fuck sake it’s gone now. "

Sorry, I couldn't hear you. Your thighs were gripping my ears too tight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The ‘aftercare’

This does my head in.

It's sex not fucking surgery.

FAF?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The pubes getting stuck in the teeth.

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By *r Tom FooleryMan
over a year ago

Coventry

When they start telling you they don't usually do this on a first night.

Of course you don't, babs.

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By *poolGuyMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"When they always think I’ve climaxed but I’m just really loud. Keep going!!!!! Fuck sake it’s gone now. "

The opposite, when she's quiet.

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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago

east of Stamford

When she mentions that the bedroom needs re-decorating.

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By *carlett!Woman
over a year ago

"Having to stifle fanny farts. Particularly after a good pumping

This lol

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By *carlett!Woman
over a year ago

"When she asks, is it in yet?

Literally laughing out loud here. Funny cause sometimes it's true ha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When they ask "did you finish too?" as I grab my rabbit and head for the shower

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By *ngel-ishWoman
over a year ago

Colchester

Want more!!!! Being thirsty

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By *cott14Man
over a year ago

Essex

When the cell door closes and bubba asks who the daddy is

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