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"Stepping in dogshit, while running from the house barefooted, because the husband came home early. " Husband coming home early  | |||
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"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me. His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you. It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him. He needs to reload to repeat. Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t. They linger around too long. The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt. Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt. " But apart from that......  | |||
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"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me. His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you. It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him. He needs to reload to repeat. Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t. They linger around too long. The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt. Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt. But apart from that...... "Well now you mention it I forgot to mention sex. Sex with me is the worst decision anyone could ever make. | |||
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"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me. His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you. It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him. He needs to reload to repeat. Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t. They linger around too long. The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt. Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt. But apart from that......
Well now you mention it I forgot to mention sex. Sex with me is the worst decision anyone could ever make. "Is a blowjob out of the question then? | |||
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"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me. His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you. It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him. He needs to reload to repeat. Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t. They linger around too long. The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt. Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt. " Just a few things then lol | |||
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"When they wake up. The mr " This is dark humor at its best haha | |||
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"When you ask them how it was for them…… and they reply with LOL, what does that even mean? "LOL | |||
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"Post nut clarity (sometimes) "It’s the worst and then you think of all the wrong things you’ve done in life and then end up hating yourself for 5 mins straight | |||
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"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me. His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you. It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him. He needs to reload to repeat. Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t. They linger around too long. The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt. Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt. " Have we met?? | |||
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"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me. His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you. It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him. He needs to reload to repeat. Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t. They linger around too long. The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt. Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt. Have we met?? "No, silly. I’d know if I had slept with a virgin. It would be an unforgettable 2 seconds of “fun”. | |||
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"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me. His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you. It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him. He needs to reload to repeat. Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t. They linger around too long. The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt. Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt. Have we met??
No, silly. I’d know if I had slept with a virgin. It would be an unforgettable 2 seconds of “fun”. "You give me too much credit it would be over before it left the boxers | |||
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"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me. His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you. It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him. He needs to reload to repeat. Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t. They linger around too long. The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt. Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt. Have we met??
No, silly. I’d know if I had slept with a virgin. It would be an unforgettable 2 seconds of “fun”.
You give me too much credit it would be over before it left the boxers "I thought it would take you only two seconds to whip it out of your boxers. It would be over at that point. We are on the same wave length here. | |||
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"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me. His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you. It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him. He needs to reload to repeat. Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t. They linger around too long. The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt. Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt. Have we met??
No, silly. I’d know if I had slept with a virgin. It would be an unforgettable 2 seconds of “fun”.
You give me too much credit it would be over before it left the boxers
I thought it would take you only two seconds to whip it out of your boxers. It would be over at that point. We are on the same wave length here. "So we have met!! Either that or your psychic | |||
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"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me. His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you. It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him. He needs to reload to repeat. Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t. They linger around too long. The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt. Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt. Have we met??
No, silly. I’d know if I had slept with a virgin. It would be an unforgettable 2 seconds of “fun”.
You give me too much credit it would be over before it left the boxers
I thought it would take you only two seconds to whip it out of your boxers. It would be over at that point. We are on the same wave length here.
So we have met!!
Either that or your psychic "Ffs, I must be extra ordinary if you’re unsure that we’ve already met. Worse sex ever! | |||
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" No, silly. I’d know if I had slept with a virgin. It would be an unforgettable 2 seconds of “fun”. You give me too much credit it would be over before it left the boxers
I thought it would take you only two seconds to whip it out of your boxers. It would be over at that point. We are on the same wave length here.
So we have met!!
Either that or your psychic
Ffs, I must be extra ordinary if you’re unsure that we’ve already met. Worse sex ever! "Nah i know who my worst is and it’s not you!!! Hope that makes you feel better 
Oooops another secret out of the bag!!  | |||
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"Sleeping afterwards in a soggy bed" You go on the dryer side hahah | |||
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"The massive wet patch that he thinks I’ll sleep in but being a princess I never sleep in the wet patch. It’s bad for him not me. His lack of rhythm which isn’t working for you. It didn’t last long enough for you but was like a marathon to him. He needs to reload to repeat. Whilst he’s panting with a shit eating grin on his face, you’re left saying right I’ll grab my wand and sort yourself as he clearly couldn’t. They linger around too long. The expert finger banging that feels like he’s drilling for oil inside your cunt. Looking down and noticing he’s torn your cunt. But apart from that......
Well now you mention it I forgot to mention sex. Sex with me is the worst decision anyone could ever make. "Sure itll be one of them good bad decisions though | |||
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"The lack of it, perhaps?" Agreed | |||
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"Having to stifle fanny farts. Particularly after a good pumping "Brilliant, i say just them let them out. | |||
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"when its all over before they remove the boxers and you wonder if the kettle has boiled yet "Fucking hell | |||
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"Wanting it everyday Does it affect your health? " Dunno about my health but definitely trusting and some days is very frustrating !!!! | |||
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"Babies" | |||
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"Wanting it everyday Does it affect your health? Dunno about my health but definitely trusting and some days is very frustrating !!!!" Just to be certain we are understanding one another here. You mean trusting not thrusting, yeah? | |||
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"Wanting it everyday Does it affect your health? Dunno about my health but definitely trusting and some days is very frustrating !!!! Just to be certain we are understanding one another here. You mean trusting not thrusting, yeah? " Cheeky one you are, like it | |||
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"If we've got to the stage where we're about to have sex then the actual sex is the least of my worries. "Well, what’s your greatest worry then? | |||
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"If we've got to the stage where we're about to have sex then the actual sex is the least of my worries.
Well, what’s your greatest worry then? "Tbh - not satisfying her. (I know it's a bit cliché, but...) | |||
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"If we've got to the stage where we're about to have sex then the actual sex is the least of my worries.
Well, what’s your greatest worry then?
Tbh - not satisfying her.
(I know it's a bit cliché, but...)"Equip yourself with a Satisfyer you’ll always satisfy-her. | |||
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"If we've got to the stage where we're about to have sex then the actual sex is the least of my worries.
Well, what’s your greatest worry then?
Tbh - not satisfying her.
(I know it's a bit cliché, but...)
Equip yourself with a Satisfyer you’ll always satisfy-her. "Noted. All I need now is a lady. | |||
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"I’ll go first… Smelly bum holes " Yeah. Smell. Usually men. Don’t think I have ever been with a smelly woman. We need to teach our men to be more considerate and accept that their smell is sometimes just rotten sweat. | |||
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"Wanting it everyday " I want it everyday but occasionally I’m offered but I just can’t make the effort. | |||
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"I’ll be brave & say what all the men are thinking….. How to keep her in doggy while you decide where best to hide that small lump of poo that came out on the end of your cock after her multiple anal orgasm "Fucking brilliant | |||
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"I’ll go first… Smelly bum holes Yeah. Smell. Usually men. Don’t think I have ever been with a smelly woman. We need to teach our men to be more considerate and accept that their smell is sometimes just rotten sweat. " You need that taught to you? I mean basics cleanliness would be the lowest the car could be set. You’re not even asking them to pick up the bar. | |||
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"If we've got to the stage where we're about to have sex then the actual sex is the least of my worries.
Well, what’s your greatest worry then?
Tbh - not satisfying her.
(I know it's a bit cliché, but...)
Equip yourself with a Satisfyer you’ll always satisfy-her.
Noted.
All I need now is a lady. "Lovehoney stock them too. Inflatable but in stock. | |||
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"When you can’t get it up "Mann this is the worse... Happened to me before. I always remember I met someone from here as a single, most likely her worse ever meet. Looking up at me taking the most limp dick in her mouth and it not reacting at all!! I was betrayed that day! | |||
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"Sleeping afterwards in a soggy bed literally HATE this. " God gave us towels for a reason  | |||
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"If we've got to the stage where we're about to have sex then the actual sex is the least of my worries.
Well, what’s your greatest worry then?
Tbh - not satisfying her.
(I know it's a bit cliché, but...)
Equip yourself with a Satisfyer you’ll always satisfy-her.
Noted.
All I need now is a lady.
Lovehoney stock them too. Inflatable but in stock. "
And I've got a puncture repair kit already. | |||
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"When the moustache I drew on my hand starts to smudge. "  | |||
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"When she's riding you like a bucking bronco and you slip out and get bent in half." This is why you need to be one to dominate! | |||
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"Sleeping afterwards in a soggy bed" Definitely | |||
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"The apologies and tears after shooting your muck in 2.5 seconds." Can you blame them ? | |||
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"The ‘aftercare’ "This does my head in. It's sex not fucking surgery. | |||
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"When he says he's going home but all you want is another go "Wasn't 6 times enough? | |||
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"When she's riding you like a bucking bronco and you slip out and get bent in half." | |||
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"When he says he's going home but all you want is another go
Wasn't 6 times enough? "I should be so lucky lol | |||
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"When he says he's going home but all you want is another go
Wasn't 6 times enough?
I should be so lucky lol "Noted.  | |||
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"When they always think I’ve climaxed but I’m just really loud. Keep going!!!!! Fuck sake it’s gone now. " Sorry, I couldn't hear you. Your thighs were gripping my ears too tight. | |||
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"The ‘aftercare’
This does my head in.
It's sex not fucking surgery.
"FAF? | |||
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"When they always think I’ve climaxed but I’m just really loud. Keep going!!!!! Fuck sake it’s gone now. " The opposite, when she's quiet. | |||
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"Having to stifle fanny farts. Particularly after a good pumping "This lol | |||
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"When she asks, is it in yet? " Literally laughing out loud here. Funny cause sometimes it's true ha | |||
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