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"Following a bloodless coup(I changed the locks when they were all off on their jollies) I have taken over the country. Applications are required for all ministerial positions including many yet to be created so please form an orderly queue and present your CV. Anyone who has had a humour bypass and attempts to turn this into a political arena will be shipped off to Rwanda in an inflatable dinghy..... " can i be minister of the posteria please  | |||
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"Following a bloodless coup(I changed the locks when they were all off on their jollies) I have taken over the country. Applications are required for all ministerial positions including many yet to be created so please form an orderly queue and present your CV. Anyone who has had a humour bypass and attempts to turn this into a political arena will be shipped off to Rwanda in an inflatable dinghy..... can i be minister of the posteria please "Do you have previous experience in this role? | |||
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"Following a bloodless coup(I changed the locks when they were all off on their jollies) I have taken over the country. Applications are required for all ministerial positions including many yet to be created so please form an orderly queue and present your CV. Anyone who has had a humour bypass and attempts to turn this into a political arena will be shipped off to Rwanda in an inflatable dinghy..... can i be minister of the posteria please
Do you have previous experience in this role?"of getting posterias in order yes | |||
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"I will be Minister of War. My first action will be to declare War on BMW drivers " I assume with no prior indication? | |||
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"I will be Minister of War. My first action will be to declare War on BMW drivers I assume with no prior indication? " Got to divert public attention elsewhere and they're a good scapegoat | |||
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"I will be Minister of War. My first action will be to declare War on BMW drivers I assume with no prior indication? Got to divert public attention elsewhere and they're a good scapegoat " *Glow is despondent at another wasted BMW drivers don’t indicate joke being wasted | |||
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"I will be Minister of War. My first action will be to declare War on BMW drivers I assume with no prior indication? Got to divert public attention elsewhere and they're a good scapegoat *Glow is despondent at another wasted BMW drivers don’t indicate joke being wasted "  sorry | |||
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"I have a degree in Head, and a damn good tea maker, can i just be the strange looking women that stands in the back with a tea cosy " Yes you can martha 
Sent from my iphon | |||
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"I will be Minister of War. My first action will be to declare War on BMW drivers I assume with no prior indication? " | |||
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"Following a bloodless coup(I changed the locks when they were all off on their jollies) I have taken over the country. Applications are required for all ministerial positions including many yet to be created so please form an orderly queue and present your CV. Anyone who has had a humour bypass and attempts to turn this into a political arena will be shipped off to Rwanda in an inflatable dinghy..... can i be minister of the posteria please
Do you have previous experience in this role?of getting posterias in order yes "Your office shall be next door to the minister of the interior | |||
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"I will be Minister of War. My first action will be to declare War on BMW drivers " You will be in charge of MOWing . | |||
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"I will be Minister of War. My first action will be to declare War on BMW drivers You will be in charge of MOWing ." Hang on Audi get that job? I’d be great at war. Probably. Though I hate green clothes. | |||
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"I will apply for the position of Chancellor of the Orgasm" Were you in Barbarella? | |||
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"I have a degree in Head, and a damn good tea maker, can i just be the strange looking women that stands in the back with a tea cosy " Ye will, ye will, ye will | |||
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"Minister without Portfolio please. No idea what it entails but happy to cut around and look busy. That's my forte." No portfolio so no paper cuts. | |||
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"I have a degree in Head, and a damn good tea maker, can i just be the strange looking women that stands in the back with a tea cosy Yes you can martha
Sent from my iphon "Animal welfare it is then... | |||
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"I will be Minister of War. My first action will be to declare War on BMW drivers I assume with no prior indication? "Emoji dept is down the hall to the left | |||
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"I’ve run out of German car jokes. Sorry. " First application for the Dept of VWe. | |||
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"I will apply for the position of Chancellor of the Orgasm Were you in Barbarella?" I see it as more of a hands on role ”reconnecting” with the population than an orgasmatron on every corner. | |||
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"I will apply for the position of Chancellor of the Orgasm Were you in Barbarella? I see it as more of a hands on role ”reconnecting” with the population than an orgasmatron on every corner." Arise Sir Duracell | |||
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"Minister of Wellbeing, Adventure & Creativity pls." Ladies and gents Timmy Mallet has entered the room. The minister of WACaday | |||
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"Minister of Wellbeing, Adventure & Creativity pls. Ladies and gents Timmy Mallet has entered the room. The minister of WACaday" utterly brilliant!.. | |||
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"Minister of Sassiness, with portfolio of being Sassy. Either way I thought I'd bump this thread because it was already on Page 5½ of the Lounge. "Get back to the Irish forum you interloper | |||
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"I would love to be Minister of Haribo please. * other sugary snacks are also available. Like "First order of business is to bring back Spangles | |||
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"Minister for compulsory wearing of fully fashioned stockings " I hereby award you the order of the garter | |||
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"Anyone good with wood? We need a cabinet?" You called?  | |||
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"Following a bloodless coup(I changed the locks when they were all off on their jollies) I have taken over the country. Applications are required for all ministerial positions including many yet to be created so please form an orderly queue and present your CV. Anyone who has had a humour bypass and attempts to turn this into a political arena will be shipped off to Rwanda in an inflatable dinghy..... " Have you overthrown El Presidente? | |||
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"Following a bloodless coup(I changed the locks when they were all off on their jollies) I have taken over the country. Applications are required for all ministerial positions including many yet to be created so please form an orderly queue and present your CV. Anyone who has had a humour bypass and attempts to turn this into a political arena will be shipped off to Rwanda in an inflatable dinghy..... can i be minister of the posteria please
Do you have previous experience in this role?of getting posterias in order yes
Your office shall be next door to the minister of the interior"thanks I'll examine the interior | |||
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"Can I be undersecretary please? Under any secretary will do. " best one so far | |||
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"Can I be undersecretary please? Under any secretary will do. " At the moment you are under Fred | |||
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"Can I be undersecretary please? Under any secretary will do. At the moment you are under Fred" Looks like he will be climbing the slippery pole. | |||
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"Minister of alcohol, specifically rum." Can you work alongside the Raisin Icecream dept? | |||
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"Minister of alcohol, specifically rum. Can you work alongside the Raisin Icecream dept? " I quit | |||
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My role? I’ll shout ‘Hear, hear!’ and ‘Booooo!’ At random intervals whilst in the chamber. | |||
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"Minister of alcohol, specifically rum. Can you work alongside the Raisin Icecream dept? I quit " Today's scoop.. | |||
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"I have received the cunty call to arms
My role? I’ll shout ‘Hear, hear!’ and ‘Booooo!’ At random intervals whilst in the chamber."I've shouted worse in the bog | |||
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"Can I be in the ministry of nonsense threads. Failing that, I’d like to be permanently under a secretary. "Fred's busy. | |||
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"I would love to be Minister of Haribo please. * other sugary snacks are also available. Like
First order of business is to bring back Spangles"Agreed. I miss Spangles  | |||
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"[Removed by poster at 15/05/24 17:04:31]" I was just about to offer you the position of communications minister | |||
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"Well, because you asked nicely, I won't do my proper politics thing on this. So can I be Minister for Bumpussies please?" What's an ussie and why would you want to bump it? | |||
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"I would like to be chief whip and if that's gone can I be chief jelly ? " What about assistant blancmange? | |||
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"I’ll be the minister for justice. No court needed, we’ll do a Britain got talent style execution, I’ll sit at the back with a rifle and you better prey you don’t get 3 red x’s The mr " Straight to the House of Lords with you The mr knight | |||
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"I will be Minister of War. My first action will be to declare War on BMW drivers " What about the Audi drivers? | |||
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"I would like to be chief whip and if that's gone can I be chief jelly ? What about assistant blancmange? " Chief ...... Chief Blancmange if it's going ........ I was going to says custard but eff me ..... PINK ... yes please... Where do I sign .... I have all the necessaries to be a blancmange | |||
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"Minister of Sassiness, with portfolio of being Sassy. Either way I thought I'd bump this thread because it was already on Page 5½ of the Lounge.
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Get back to the Irish forum you interloper "• I quite enjoy 'loping' there. | |||
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"Minister of Sassiness, with portfolio of being Sassy. Either way I thought I'd bump this thread because it was already on Page 5½ of the Lounge.
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Get back to the Irish forum you interloper
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I quite enjoy 'loping' there."Over there fiddling while the Lounge burns | |||
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"Following a bloodless coup(I changed the locks when they were all off on their jollies) I have taken over the country. Applications are required for all ministerial positions including many yet to be created so please form an orderly queue and present your CV. Anyone who has had a humour bypass and attempts to turn this into a political arena will be shipped off to Rwanda in an inflatable dinghy..... " Which country | |||
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"Following a bloodless coup(I changed the locks when they were all off on their jollies) I have taken over the country. Applications are required for all ministerial positions including many yet to be created so please form an orderly queue and present your CV. Anyone who has had a humour bypass and attempts to turn this into a political arena will be shipped off to Rwanda in an inflatable dinghy..... Which country "Wakanda | |||
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"I’ll be the minister for justice. No court needed, we’ll do a Britain got talent style execution, I’ll sit at the back with a rifle and you better prey you don’t get 3 red x’s The mr Straight to the House of Lords with you The mr knight" You honour me Sire, I shall serve with an iron fist, for the good of the realm. Long live king bites. The mr | |||
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"Following a bloodless coup(I changed the locks when they were all off on their jollies) I have taken over the country. Applications are required for all ministerial positions including many yet to be created so please form an orderly queue and present your CV. Anyone who has had a humour bypass and attempts to turn this into a political arena will be shipped off to Rwanda in an inflatable dinghy..... Which country
Wakanda"Excellent | |||
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"Can I just run the Commons bar please. I like to get all the juicy gossip when the alcohol loosens lips." Ministress of Moist | |||
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"I'll take the Foreign office please I have a passport and once went to France on a school trip - I feel wholly qualified for this position " Qui moi? | |||
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"I would like to head HMMRC……. Huge Mammary and Moob Review Council "This will be an equal opportunity cabinet so I've adjusted your application..... | |||
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"Chief executioner please " Welease Wodger | |||
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"I'll take the Foreign office please I have a passport and once went to France on a school trip - I feel wholly qualified for this position Qui moi?" oui oui l'office de tourisme est à gauche. j'ai un petit chien appelé Deefa. j'ai 45 ans. | |||
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"I can fluff "Trust you to lower the tone.
You can be in charge of the pillows. | |||
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"Following a bloodless coup(I changed the locks when they were all off on their jollies) I have taken over the country. Applications are required for all ministerial positions including many yet to be created so please form an orderly queue and present your CV. Anyone who has had a humour bypass and attempts to turn this into a political arena will be shipped off to Rwanda in an inflatable dinghy..... can i be minister of the posteria please "Bringing up the rear ?? | |||
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"I can fluff
Trust you to lower the tone.
You can be in charge of the pillows. "That's what I meant.... | |||
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"Please can I be Minister of the mini stir please I’ll bring my own tiny spoon "That's a silver service role bringing cutlery to the masses wearing a mini in your Clubman. | |||
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"I can fluff
Trust you to lower the tone.
You can be in charge of the pillows.
That's what I meant.... "I'll introduce you to the minister of war and you can arrange some pillow fights | |||
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"I can fluff
Trust you to lower the tone.
You can be in charge of the pillows.
That's what I meant....
I'll introduce you to the minister of war and you can arrange some pillow fights"I'm up for that | |||
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"can i be an over secretary as the under position looks a bit squashed - in the ministry of wands and duracell batteries and all things that waggle" Just the thought made my willy wiggle!! | |||
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"Minister Permanently Under Your Secretary For The Environment "You rascal Mr Bond | |||
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"can i be an over secretary as the under position looks a bit squashed - in the ministry of wands and duracell batteries and all things that waggle" You can be assistant to the foreign secretary. His name is Uncle Traveling Matt and you can accompany him to Waggle Wock. | |||
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"You honour I would like to put myself forward as chief of whips!! Used to sell mr whippy ice creams and have an irationale fear of squirty cream!! " See Doc Conehead on the 99 floor. | |||
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"I can fluff "Proof in person please ?? | |||
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"minister for edging" If he gets edging I want wedging. You get a wedgie YOU get a wedgie EVERYBODY gets a You get the idea | |||
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"It’s quiet in the Dept of VWe…do I have budget to get the e cut off? " There may have to be budgetary cuts | |||
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"minister for edging" Cliff? | |||
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"minister for edging If he gets edging I want wedging. You get a wedgie YOU get a wedgie EVERYBODY gets a You get the idea " Don't get your knickers in a twist | |||
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"She ^ can be the Minister of Ethical Clipboards." That does sound important!! | |||
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"She ^ can be the Minister of Ethical Clipboards. That does sound important!! " • It comes with its own ministerial car.  | |||
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"She ^ can be the Minister of Ethical Clipboards. That does sound important!! • It comes with its own ministerial car. "Can I choose the colour? And does it go boop boop, beep beep, meh or HOOOONK? | |||
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"can i be an over secretary as the under position looks a bit squashed - in the ministry of wands and duracell batteries and all things that waggle You can be assistant to the foreign secretary. His name is Uncle Traveling Matt and you can accompany him to Waggle Wock. " Seriously dude I didn't get the job? I even went to a cheese factory and had a wine tasting.....it was that cultured! What's worse you gave it to a bloody muppet, literally  | |||
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"She ^ can be the Minister of Ethical Clipboards. That does sound important!! • It comes with its own ministerial car.
Can I choose the colour? And does it go boop boop, beep beep, meh or HOOOONK? "• Not sure, but it does come with its own driver. So you won't need to struggle with any 3-point turns. | |||
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"Can I claim expenses please? I really need a holiday. I heard Rwanda was nice this time of year, happy to go on a "business" trip or whatever we have to do to get it signed off. " • You'll have a R'wanda-full experience, KC². | |||
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. It's a hardon job but I think I'd love to stick it to them  | |||
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"She ^ can be the Minister of Ethical Clipboards. That does sound important!! • It comes with its own ministerial car.
Can I choose the colour? And does it go boop boop, beep beep, meh or HOOOONK?
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Not sure, but it does come with its own driver. So you won't need to struggle with any 3-point turns. "Have you been watching me manoeuvre!! 
If ever you need a lift to the local Aldi just hmu
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In my manifesto I will promote the use of specially adapted trucks armed with huge bull bars that will be legally allowed to ram said middle lane drivers out of the way | |||
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"Can I be head of the secret police" • He can police all the secretions. ^ | |||
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"Can I be head of the secret police • He can police all the secretions. ^" Congratulations. This post unlocks the keys to the dodgems. Henceforth you shall be addressed as Lord Bumper. | |||
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