FabSwingers.com forum: Dad Jokes

By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
24 weeks ago

Somewhere between Hades and Narnia

Let's here your best Dad jokes!

I'll begin....

A man phones work and asks to speak to his boss. His boss picks up and the man says what's the difference between your daughter and this morning...

I'm not coming in this morning

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By *zeroMan
24 weeks ago

A wretched hive of scum and villainy

My grandad got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray in the war.

He was a seasoned veteran.

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By *issmorganWoman
24 weeks ago

Calderdale innit

A man on the Street just asked

if I knew where he could get a wig, I said not off the top of my head.

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By *fficerdribbleMan
24 weeks ago

Costa Blanca

An ice cream man was found dead in the back of his van.

His body was covered in chocolate sprinkles, 100 n 1000's, strawberry sauce and chocolate sauce.

The police now believe he 'topped' himself.

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By *adbod2godbodMan
24 weeks ago

Manchester

Just got a job making chess pieces.

Start on knights next week.

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By *adbod2godbodMan
24 weeks ago

Manchester

A town in Yorkshire has gone missing.

Police are said to be looking for Leeds

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By *hatty_Guy22Man
24 weeks ago

Newcastle

What's faster? Hot or cold??

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By *adbod2godbodMan
24 weeks ago

Manchester

What's pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff.

What's blue and fluffy?

Pink fluff being st r angled

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By *educing_EmCouple
24 weeks ago

Tipperary

What do you call two friends who are good at maths?

Algebros.

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

Made a belt out of watches the other day

Complete waist of time.

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

I traded in my rooster for a duck

Now I’m up at the quack of dawn

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By (user no longer on site)
24 weeks ago

What does Jeff bezos do before going to sleep?

Puts his pyjamas on

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By *ild_oatsMan
24 weeks ago

the land of saints & sinners

I got fired from my job making calendars.

All I did was take a day off…

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By *adbod2godbodMan
24 weeks ago

Manchester

"I got fired from my job making calendars.

All I did was take a day off…"

I got sacked from the abotoir for dropping a bullock.

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By *empest2KMan
24 weeks ago

Derby

When in a hurry, just say...

“Make like a French snail, and let's escargot!”

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By *J the bullMan
24 weeks ago

Washington

“I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. That’s right: I’m a faux pa.”

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By *dnmartinMan
24 weeks ago

Hounslow

What do you call a ghost that you are certain you have seen before?

Déjà Boo

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By *haddy234Man
24 weeks ago

chadderton

Man walks into a library and asks the librarian "do you have that book for men with small penis's"

She checks the computer then says "I don't think it is in yet"

"yeah that's the one!!!" the man replies

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By *ew couple4youCouple
24 weeks ago

Glasgow

What’s red and smells like blue paint.

Red paint

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
24 weeks ago

Somewhere between Hades and Narnia

[Removed by poster at 18/04/24 14:40:43]

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
24 weeks ago

Somewhere between Hades and Narnia

What's the difference between a piano, tuna and a big pot of glue?

You can tuna piano but you can't piano a tuna. Most people get stuck on the big pot of glue

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By *uctifanoWoman
24 weeks ago

Glasgow

Boss: I’ve not seen you in work recently

Worker: Anno, I identify as invisible ~ I’m transparent and my pronouns are “who” and “where”

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By *orny-DJMan
24 weeks ago

Leigh-on-Sea

I've been training my dog to fetch me tools from my new workshop.

He's not perfect, but he knows the drill.

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By *rjay224Man
24 weeks ago

north west

What do you call a man with no legs and no arms in a swimming pool ??

BOB

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By *ermite12ukMan
24 weeks ago

Solihull and Brentwood

My wife has just text to say Gavin from Autoglass has just injected his special resin into her crack.

I'm not normally suspicious, but I've got the car!

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By *elliflousCouple
24 weeks ago

North West.

The section between the front and back door at a Nandos is called the Peri-Perineum.

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By *onnycMan
24 weeks ago

Doncaster

A sandwich walks into a bar the barman says sorry we don't serve food in here

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By *anielpiercedMan
24 weeks ago

by the seaside

Have you heard about the magic tractor?

It went down the hill and turned into a field

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By *dnmartinMan
23 weeks ago

Hounslow

To the guy who invented the number 0

Thanks for nothing

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By *aters139Man
23 weeks ago

Sheffield

Posted elsewhere but I'll repeat here.

'what do you say to a mexican stealing your cheese'

"Nacho Cheese!"

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By *ild_oatsMan
23 weeks ago

the land of saints & sinners

What’s better than roses on your piano ?

Tulips on your organ….

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By *estmids71Man
23 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank. I have no word to describe how angry I am

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By *estmids71Man
23 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

My friend Gavin died from heartburn this morning. I can't believe Gaviscon

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By *iddlesticksMan
23 weeks ago

My nan’s spare room.

What’s the difference between light and hard.

You can eventually get to sleep with a light on.

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By *illan-KillashMan
23 weeks ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

A skeleton walks into a pub and the barman asks what he'd like to drink.

The skeleton replies "a pint of lager and a mop"

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By *ed MartinMan
23 weeks ago

Shefford

Can’t believe these haven’t been posted already:

What’s brown and sticky?

A Stick.

What’s long, hard and carries semen?

A submarine.

And for the sickos…

What’s blue and screws old ladies?

The Tory party.

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By *estmids71Man
23 weeks ago

Wolverhampton

Walked into Asda once, dropped my trousers, got my circumcised cock out and said.... I bet you can't roll this back....

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By *zeroMan
23 weeks ago

A wretched hive of scum and villainy

I hear Craig David is doing a collaboration with Team GB archery for the Olympics.

He's a bow selecter.

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By *aveboygreen3rdCouple
23 weeks ago

this town

Two monkeys in a bath

1. Monkey says ooh ha ha ha ooh ha

2nd monkey says we’ll put some cold water in then ????

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By *dnmartinMan
23 weeks ago

Hounslow

NEWS FLASH.

Huge explosion at......

1. French cheese factory, no one was hurt, but deBrie was everywhere

2. Nissan car factory, it is bad, it is raining Datsun cogs.

My sister has transitioned into a musical instrument. The family are in shock, mind you, I have always had my doubts about our Monica

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By *dnmartinMan
21 weeks ago

Hounslow

I used to be in a rock band, we were called "The Radiators".

We were the warm-up act

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By *dnmartinMan
20 weeks ago

Hounslow

I am furious, Last night, whilst we slept, thieves broke in and stole all our fruit.

I am absolutely peachless.

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By *dnmartinMan
16 weeks ago

Hounslow

Which bear is the most condescending?

A Pan-duh

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By (user no longer on site)
16 weeks ago

"What do you call a man with no legs and no arms in a swimming pool ??

BOB "

What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bottom?

Warren.

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By *till gameMan
16 weeks ago

two doors down

What do you call a Scotsman that’s nearly home !

Hamish

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By (user no longer on site)
16 weeks ago

Seven dwarfs in a bed feeling Happy, so he got out.

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By *dnmartinMan
12 weeks ago

Hounslow

I only get sick Monday through to Friday.

I think it is because of my weekend immune system

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By *aM 689Man
12 weeks ago

Mordor

What kind of cheese do you use to tempt a bear from the woods ... ?

Camembert !!

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By *ittlemissmistressKCouple
12 weeks ago

Southampton

"What kind of cheese do you use to tempt a bear from the woods ... ?

Camembert !!

I have to disabrie.....

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By *aM 689Man
12 weeks ago

Mordor

"What kind of cheese do you use to tempt a bear from the woods ... ?

Camembert !!

I have to disabrie.....

What kimd of cheese do you use to hide a horse ... ?

Mascarpone !!

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By *orny PTMan
12 weeks ago

Peterborough

"Just got a job making chess pieces.

Start on knights next week."

plenty of time to watch pawnhub?

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By *orny PTMan
12 weeks ago

Peterborough

I cant help being cynical: I blame my blood group...be negative

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By *ornucopiaMan
12 weeks ago

Bexley

"Let's here your best Dad jokes!

I'll begin....

A man phones work and asks to speak to his boss. His boss picks up and the man says what's the difference between your daughter and this morning...

I'm not coming in this morning"

Still trying to work that one out, 12 weeks later!

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By *limboy68Man
12 weeks ago

st albans

Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who sat by the fire and melted.

.... start the car...

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By *omCoyoteMan
12 weeks ago

Northern England

Q What's the difference between a set of bagpipes and a trampoline?

A You don't need to take your shoes off to jump on a set of bagpipes.

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By *ig_eric_tionMan
12 weeks ago

IPSWICH

Two nuns in a bath. One says "where's the soap" the other replies "yes it does doesn't it".

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By *orny PTMan
12 weeks ago

Peterborough

"What kind of cheese do you use to tempt a bear from the woods ... ?

Camembert !!

don't do that he'll come out like a bear with a sore head screaming Blue murder.

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By *arko2020Man
12 weeks ago

Sale

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef

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By *olarbear73Man
12 weeks ago

Glasgow

"Q What's the difference between a set of bagpipes and a trampoline?

A You don't need to take your shoes off to jump on a set of bagpipes.

You’ll never take our freedom….!

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By *hippy57Man
12 weeks ago

Chelmsford

I had a dream about you last night ,did you ,no you wouldn’t let me

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
12 weeks ago

Somewhere between Hades and Narnia

Did you hear about the famous pickle?

He was a big dill!

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By *icolerobbieCouple
12 weeks ago

walsall

"Seven dwarfs in a bed feeling Happy, so he got out."

Which made them all began to feel grumpy

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By *inkycumsluttWoman
12 weeks ago

St Neots

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

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By *omCoyoteMan
12 weeks ago

Northern England

"Q What's the difference between a set of bagpipes and a trampoline?

A You don't need to take your shoes off to jump on a set of bagpipes.

You’ll never take our freedom….! "

Ne'er mind her sexuality, I'd certainly take Mhairi Black - she's a top lass.

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By *oungAtHeartCurvyCoupleCouple
12 weeks ago

Glasgow

Two tampons pass each other in the street would did they say to each other? Fuck all they were both stuck up cunts

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By *asterMeliodasMan
12 weeks ago

Near Keith

I had to leave my job at the soft drinks crushing factory because it was soda pressing.

People are usually shocked to find out what a bad electrician I am.

I don't always know which of my jokes is a dad joke, but when one is it soon becomes apparent.

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
12 weeks ago

Seaside Sussex

Why do elephants have big ears?

. Because...

NODDY won't pay the ransom.

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By *aygallaMan
12 weeks ago

newton aycliffe

Why do penguins usually have bigger shops….????

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By *asterMeliodasMan
12 weeks ago

Near Keith

I was delighted when I got home to find that someone had pilfered all my lamps.

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