FabSwingers.com forum: How do you get rid of a big bird in your garden?

By *haveanicevoice OP Man
31 weeks ago

Soggy Middle-Earth (Cumbria)

There's some kind of grey dog sized bird wandering around my garden pooing all over it don't want to hurt it but it's making the garden look like a half arsed B&W tate modern painting. Should I call the police so they can give it an asbo? Would the daily mail be interested in this story any journalists here?.

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By *ealMissShadyWoman
31 weeks ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders

Dress up as a goose and honk at it

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By *rixie_BlondeWoman
31 weeks ago

London (She/Her)

Tell her the ice cream van is coming and just watch her run out your garden to get to the street in time

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By *uke OzadeMan
31 weeks ago

Ho Chi Minge City

Run after it naked with a hard on whenever you see it. It’ll soon fuck off

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By *ingo00Man
31 weeks ago

Cowley

Move out of sesame street

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By *haveanicevoice OP Man
31 weeks ago

Soggy Middle-Earth (Cumbria)

How do you know it's a she?.

I think it's a pheasant but seems bigger than usual.

I'll just wait until Aaron the evri delivery driver runs over it.

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By *rixie_BlondeWoman
31 weeks ago

London (She/Her)

"How do you know it's a she?.

I think it's a pheasant but seems bigger than usual.

I'll just wait until Aaron the evri delivery driver runs over it."

It’s a joke - bird is another word for woman

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
31 weeks ago

Leeds

Buy a cheap springer.

The mr

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
31 weeks ago

BRIDPORT

Grey, looks like a pheasant but bigger, sounds a bit like a Guinea fowl.

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By *asques and boxersCouple
31 weeks ago

Ashford and dept16

"Run after it naked with a hard on whenever you see it. It’ll soon fuck off"

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By *onameyet2Man
31 weeks ago

chorley

It’s a lesser spotted Carlisle elephant bird, lay a trail of buns out of the garden or alternatively get a mouse

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By *allerthanaverage79Man
31 weeks ago

Ayrshire

You should never have told her your address! But in all seriousness, leave a trail of food to encourage her to leave, chips often do the trick!

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By *lderflower_AppleWoman
31 weeks ago

Basingstoke

"There's some kind of grey dog sized bird wandering around my garden pooing all over it don't want to hurt it but it's making the garden look like a half arsed B&W tate modern painting. Should I call the police so they can give it an asbo? Would the daily mail be interested in this story any journalists here?."

Dog sized? I was imagining something the size of a Labrador, and was absolutely going to recommend you contact the tabloids!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
31 weeks ago

The Town by The Cross

sounds like a young seagull ..... leave it be. It's illegal to touch them and the parents won't be far.

Look out for regurgitated food. theirs not yours.

And the parents will dive bomb you if you go anywhere near it

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By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

I like bird art

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By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

"sounds like a young seagull ..... leave it be. It's illegal to touch them and the parents won't be far.

Look out for regurgitated food. theirs not yours.

And the parents will dive bomb you if you go anywhere near it"

This op is true birds are protected

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By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

"Run after it naked with a hard on whenever you see it. It’ll soon fuck off"

Really it may attack if it is a seagull

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By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

"Buy a cheap springer.

The mr "

I've got two .... they come with an obsession for birds and .... wallowing in mud ...

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
31 weeks ago

Central

Dog sized? Which dog?

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By *ickyKlungespeareMan
31 weeks ago

St Leonards

"Tell her the ice cream van is coming and just watch her run out your garden to get to the street in time "

You're on form recently Trixie - that's a few you've nailed

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By (user no longer on site)
31 weeks ago

I just have an image of Rocky chasing a chicken round in a grey tracksuit and headband now…

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By *panksspankedMan
31 weeks ago

Edinburgh

Sadly the appearance of a bird like this is a harbinger of impending doom. I'd check your insurance

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By *lmost TouchingMan
31 weeks ago

Wherever I lay my hat.

Air rifle

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By *coobyABCMan
31 weeks ago

Aberdeen

Send out Oscar the Grouch ?

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By *2000ManMan
31 weeks ago

Worthing

I sometimes get birds in the garden which are not the "norm". Had a pheasant and grouse one year. They do not stay long and very rarely return. Probably on it's way somewhere and need a rest.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
31 weeks ago

Leeds

"Buy a cheap springer.

The mr

I've got two .... they come with an obsession for birds and .... wallowing in mud ...

1.77 or .22 ?

The mr

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By *antastic_Mr_Fox_76Man
31 weeks ago

District 13

Get grouch, Elmo, Ernie and Bert to go smash it in

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By *cotsguyyMan
31 weeks ago

Belfast

I think the bird has flown off with the OP in it's clutches

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By *elliflousCouple
31 weeks ago

North West.

We had a peacock move into ours a few years back. We got rid of it by getting Steve down the road, who owned said peacock, to come and get it.

Coming over here strutting it's stuff and looking gorgeous. Hmmmpff.

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
31 weeks ago

chichester

Air rifle or BB gun

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By *rozac_fairyCouple
31 weeks ago

Tamworth

Ofcourse the Daily Mail wouldn't be interested unless ofcourse the bird is from another country, then they'll write a wonderful story about why it's important we stop the illegal birds comin ere in are gardens.

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By *uke OzadeMan
31 weeks ago

Ho Chi Minge City

"Ofcourse the Daily Mail wouldn't be interested unless ofcourse the bird is from another country, then they'll write a wonderful story about why it's important we stop the illegal birds comin ere in are gardens. "

The Daily Sport would have it as “Man caught fucking grey dog sized bird in back garden”

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
31 weeks ago

East Sussex

It could be anything from a chihuahua sized bird to a great Dane sized. Emu? Chicken?

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By *ingu and The ApeCouple
31 weeks ago

The Igloo

Do not annoy the cobra chicken.

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By *uke OzadeMan
31 weeks ago

Ho Chi Minge City

How big is the grey dog?

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
31 weeks ago

Central

Lost albatross?

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By *haveanicevoice OP Man
31 weeks ago

Soggy Middle-Earth (Cumbria)

For update not seen it today very windy so maybe it just blew away for reference it was as big as a poodle.

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By *ot to giggleWoman
31 weeks ago

Coventry

"How do you know it's a she?.

I think it's a pheasant but seems bigger than usual.

I'll just wait until Aaron the evri delivery driver runs over it."

call a pheasant plucker or the pheasant pluckers son

I'm not the pheasant plucker, I'm the pheasant plucker's son. I'm only plucking pheasants 'til the pheasant plucker comes

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By *ealMissShadyWoman
31 weeks ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders

"For update not seen it today very windy so maybe it just blew away for reference it was as big as a poodle."

Toy? Miniature? Or Standard?

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By *haveanicevoice OP Man
31 weeks ago

Soggy Middle-Earth (Cumbria)

Standard I suppose why have you seen it too ?

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By *cLovin2Man
31 weeks ago

Reading

How to get rid of a big bird?

Tell her that the pie shop's giving away free pies....

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By *cLovin2Man
31 weeks ago

Reading

The Daily Sport would have it as “Man caught fucking grey dog sized bird in back garden”"

The sun version would be it's an illegal immigrant bird and the prime thing to blame why all it's readers are failures in life.

And she also didn't have big tits.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
31 weeks ago

Horsham

Get a bigger bird, to fly in and scare it away.

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