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"One cannot be married and single in the same time, or am I missing something. " They mean married people poseing as single people on here lots Be it guys woman and tv/ts | |||
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"One cannot be married and single in the same time, or am I missing something. " I think they mean 'married meeting as a single person'. | |||
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Opinions will vary a lot on this subject, specially from those who uphold the moral high ground. | |||
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"One cannot be married and single in the same time, or am I missing something. " I initially misread the post, I get it now. | |||
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"In the end it us down to the people who are meeting. I was once in a bad marriage yet there were no end of people who wanted to meet despite that. Solo guys you can understand but couples. I was always honest with people and never claimed anything else. I always believe being honest and let the others know the truth and between you decide. Nobody elses business as nobody else knows the circumstances. Yes guys do lie about them, that's down to those involved. " but it's not just guys that lie come on just saying I know from experience | |||
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"meet someone who was married / partnered with no consent from partner" It is always curious to me. words "with consent". But how do you determine consent, do they present a school trip type permission slip? Do you arrange a phone call with their partner? Do you email them "is it ok to shag your partner" We are talking about both male and females. I didn't mind my ex partner meeting others but id be really hacked off keep having to answer DMs. Phone calls asking if it is ok if they can "shag my partner" Probably out there on my own but this idea of only meeting an attached with parners consent is meaningless unless you actively seek permission/consent- how many actualy do? | |||
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"Very unlikely as I prefer an FWB style liaison and there can't be any basis for trust there. Add the potential hassle of dealing with an upset husband Plus availability is always going to be a problem. Why bother with all that when there are sufficient people available who are less complicated " Totally agree with this. (change upset husband to upset wife o'r g/f) | |||
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"meet someone who was married / partnered with no consent from partner It is always curious to me. words "with consent". But how do you determine consent, do they present a school trip type permission slip? Do you arrange a phone call with their partner? Do you email them "is it ok to shag your partner" We are talking about both male and females. I didn't mind my ex partner meeting others but id be really hacked off keep having to answer DMs. Phone calls asking if it is ok if they can "shag my partner" Probably out there on my own but this idea of only meeting an attached with parners consent is meaningless unless you actively seek permission/consent- how many actualy do?" The women that B has met with have checked in with me. And I appreciate that greatly. J | |||
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"meet someone who was married / partnered with no consent from partner It is always curious to me. words "with consent". But how do you determine consent, do they present a school trip type permission slip? Do you arrange a phone call with their partner? Do you email them "is it ok to shag your partner" We are talking about both male and females. I didn't mind my ex partner meeting others but id be really hacked off keep having to answer DMs. Phone calls asking if it is ok if they can "shag my partner" Probably out there on my own but this idea of only meeting an attached with parners consent is meaningless unless you actively seek permission/consent- how many actualy do?" I've met people's partners previously and checked in with to make sure everything was above board. It was the only way I'd do it. | |||
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"Very unlikely as I prefer an FWB style liaison and there can't be any basis for trust there. Add the potential hassle of dealing with an upset husband Plus availability is always going to be a problem. Why bother with all that when there are sufficient people available who are less complicated " They are not always less complicated. Some single women I have met have become a bit too clingy. Questioning who else I chat too etc etc. I know it's NSA with married and playing without permission. No complexity. They are adults as am I. If I fancy someone and she fires my rockets and it's reciprocated and there's a spark. I don't particularly care what her status is. It just needs a little more planning but not a lot. | |||
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"Very unlikely as I prefer an FWB style liaison and there can't be any basis for trust there. Add the potential hassle of dealing with an upset husband Plus availability is always going to be a problem. Why bother with all that when there are sufficient people available who are less complicated They are not always less complicated. Some single women I have met have become a bit too clingy. Questioning who else I chat too etc etc. I know it's NSA with married and playing without permission. No complexity. They are adults as am I. If I fancy someone and she fires my rockets and it's reciprocated and there's a spark. I don't particularly care what her status is. It just needs a little more planning but not a lot. " We find married men are a lots less clingy than single guys who want to 'rescue' katie from her swinging hell (so funny  ). So they do have some advantages. | |||
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"Yes I have and will again. They have always been upfront with me about it and I've never had any problems." More problems with singles than married in my experience. | |||
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"Yes I have and will again. They have always been upfront with me about it and I've never had any problems. More problems with singles than married in my experience. " This intrigued me, not negating it, but how so? | |||
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"Yes I have and will again. They have always been upfront with me about it and I've never had any problems. More problems with singles than married in my experience. This intrigued me, not negating it, but how so?" Less hassle. Definitely more respectful. An all round better experience. Like I said, this is just my experience, which isn’t vast. Seems to suit me better. | |||
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"Yes I have and will again. They have always been upfront with me about it and I've never had any problems. More problems with singles than married in my experience. This intrigued me, not negating it, but how so? Less hassle. Definitely more respectful. An all round better experience. Like I said, this is just my experience, which isn’t vast. Seems to suit me better. " All good.  | |||
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"Yes I have and will again. They have always been upfront with me about it and I've never had any problems. More problems with singles than married in my experience. This intrigued me, not negating it, but how so?" I will dare answer for her... clingy, want more emotional investment. More time on their hands to stalk and be a pest... | |||
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"Yes I have and will again. They have always been upfront with me about it and I've never had any problems. More problems with singles than married in my experience. This intrigued me, not negating it, but how so? Less hassle. Definitely more respectful. An all round better experience. Like I said, this is just my experience, which isn’t vast. Seems to suit me better. All good. "I suppose if one woman tolerates them….  | |||
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"Yes I have and will again. They have always been upfront with me about it and I've never had any problems. More problems with singles than married in my experience. This intrigued me, not negating it, but how so? Less hassle. Definitely more respectful. An all round better experience. Like I said, this is just my experience, which isn’t vast. Seems to suit me better. " This but also I feel like they make more effort and in general I guess it's the forbidden fruit element at times too. | |||
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"Yes I have and will again. They have always been upfront with me about it and I've never had any problems. More problems with singles than married in my experience. This intrigued me, not negating it, but how so? Less hassle. Definitely more respectful. An all round better experience. Like I said, this is just my experience, which isn’t vast. Seems to suit me better. All good.
I suppose if one woman tolerates them…. "Never been a case of tolerating. I wouldn’t just meet because they are attached. I always know reasons. I’ve only really ever met people long term and never really had any issues. It’s all worked out ok for me. Maybe one day it won’t and my mind will be changed. Who knows | |||
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"Yes I have and will again. They have always been upfront with me about it and I've never had any problems. More problems with singles than married in my experience. This intrigued me, not negating it, but how so? Less hassle. Definitely more respectful. An all round better experience. Like I said, this is just my experience, which isn’t vast. Seems to suit me better. All good.
I suppose if one woman tolerates them….
Never been a case of tolerating. I wouldn’t just meet because they are attached. I always know reasons. I’ve only really ever met people long term and never really had any issues. It’s all worked out ok for me. Maybe one day it won’t and my mind will be changed. Who knows "No! I meant their wife tolerates them so they must be nice! | |||
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"Yes I have and will again. They have always been upfront with me about it and I've never had any problems. More problems with singles than married in my experience. This intrigued me, not negating it, but how so? Less hassle. Definitely more respectful. An all round better experience. Like I said, this is just my experience, which isn’t vast. Seems to suit me better. All good.
I suppose if one woman tolerates them….
Never been a case of tolerating. I wouldn’t just meet because they are attached. I always know reasons. I’ve only really ever met people long term and never really had any issues. It’s all worked out ok for me. Maybe one day it won’t and my mind will be changed. Who knows
No! I meant their wife tolerates them so they must be nice! "Ahhhh. I see! | |||
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"meet someone who was married / partnered with no consent from partner It is always curious to me. words "with consent". But how do you determine consent, do they present a school trip type permission slip? Do you arrange a phone call with their partner? Do you email them "is it ok to shag your partner" We are talking about both male and females. I didn't mind my ex partner meeting others but id be really hacked off keep having to answer DMs. Phone calls asking if it is ok if they can "shag my partner" Probably out there on my own but this idea of only meeting an attached with parners consent is meaningless unless you actively seek permission/consent- how many actualy do?" You can tell. Like a few weeks ago I went for a social with someone and their partner took their kids to the park while we were getting coffee. Or when you discuss who can accommodate, they might say “I’m happy to accommodate but only when my partner is out on a date” and you often end up bumping into the partner. Or if you pick them up at their house and their partner waves them off through the window. Or if you’re at a club and their partner is playing with someone else. Or honestly, just the way they talk about things. If they volunteer information early about being ethically non-monogamous and they talk about their boundaries and arrangements then you know you’ve probably got a good one. | |||
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"As I don't ask if they are married/in a relationship or not, I wouldn't know. " That's probably the best option... We've had sex with many in clubs, and never requested they complete a questionnaire. Cal | |||
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"Yes I have and will again. They have always been upfront with me about it and I've never had any problems. More problems with singles than married in my experience. This intrigued me, not negating it, but how so? Less hassle. Definitely more respectful. An all round better experience. Like I said, this is just my experience, which isn’t vast. Seems to suit me better. " When I first joined on here, I was surprised when I got chatting to a single woman who said she much preferred married or attached men as they were done with being treated badly by single guys. Like mentioned above, she found it was less hassle. I've always been upfront about my situation and why I'm on here. Some don't mind and others do. I've even had the odd random message from women,telling me exactly what they think of me. Everyone has their own preferences. | |||
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"Yes I have and will again. They have always been upfront with me about it and I've never had any problems. More problems with singles than married in my experience. This intrigued me, not negating it, but how so? Less hassle. Definitely more respectful. An all round better experience. Like I said, this is just my experience, which isn’t vast. Seems to suit me better. When I first joined on here, I was surprised when I got chatting to a single woman who said she much preferred married or attached men as they were done with being treated badly by single guys. Like mentioned above, she found it was less hassle. I've always been upfront about my situation and why I'm on here. Some don't mind and others do. I've even had the odd random message from women,telling me exactly what they think of me. Everyone has their own preferences." A lot of men say that. People messaging telling them what they think of them. Sad people with too much time on their hands. Nowt to do with them. I’m not interested in what other people do if it doesn’t affect me. Nor have I ever felt the need to seek validation or justify anything I do to strangers. Don’t like it, avoid me. Same as I do with most people on here. x | |||
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"Just curious who would meet with single men or women on here if they didn’t have their partners knowledge or consent? Have heard several mixed opinions on this" if you were in a club you wouldn't know so what difference does it make here | |||
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"Yes I have. And I find the married/attached are less likely to mess around because their time is as precious as mine. And in my experience they are less likely to be shagging loads of people either. Works for me. " Yes this | |||
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"The thing is to me, how can these 'married singles' be more respectful or open? They are not respectful or open if they are disrespecting and lying to their wife/husband" Not only that, but potentially taking an STI back to their partner which could cause long-term health/fertility issues as they wouldn’t think to test for it. I don’t understand why anyone would potentially be complicit in that. Swinging should be about openness, honesty, and communication. If you don’t have those things in a person then you’re not swinging. | |||
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"The thing is to me, how can these 'married singles' be more respectful or open? They are not respectful or open if they are disrespecting and lying to their wife/husband Not only that, but potentially taking an STI back to their partner which could cause long-term health/fertility issues as they wouldn’t think to test for it. I don’t understand why anyone would potentially be complicit in that. Swinging should be about openness, honesty, and communication. If you don’t have those things in a person then you’re not swinging." I’m not swinging. Never have. Neither are any of the people I meet/have met. | |||
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"The thing is to me, how can these 'married singles' be more respectful or open? They are not respectful or open if they are disrespecting and lying to their wife/husband Not only that, but potentially taking an STI back to their partner which could cause long-term health/fertility issues as they wouldn’t think to test for it. I don’t understand why anyone would potentially be complicit in that. Swinging should be about openness, honesty, and communication. If you don’t have those things in a person then you’re not swinging." I'm not a 'swinger'. But agree with your first point. | |||
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"The thing is to me, how can these 'married singles' be more respectful or open? They are not respectful or open if they are disrespecting and lying to their wife/husband Not only that, but potentially taking an STI back to their partner which could cause long-term health/fertility issues as they wouldn’t think to test for it. I don’t understand why anyone would potentially be complicit in that. Swinging should be about openness, honesty, and communication. If you don’t have those things in a person then you’re not swinging." Why is the likelihood of them contracting and spreading an std greater than anyone else having sex with more than one person ( indeed they may not be having sex at all with their permanent partner). Why do you assume they are any less likely to get tested. You’ve made some groundless assumptions there. | |||
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"So unaccompanied people in a gangbang or orgy can’t be swingers if they are cheating? Gbat " Can't go to swinging clubs either then it seems. | |||
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"The thing is to me, how can these 'married singles' be more respectful or open? They are not respectful or open if they are disrespecting and lying to their wife/husband Not only that, but potentially taking an STI back to their partner which could cause long-term health/fertility issues as they wouldn’t think to test for it. I don’t understand why anyone would potentially be complicit in that. Swinging should be about openness, honesty, and communication. If you don’t have those things in a person then you’re not swinging. Why is the likelihood of them contracting and spreading an std greater than anyone else having sex with more than one person ( indeed they may not be having sex at all with their permanent partner). Why do you assume they are any less likely to get tested. You’ve made some groundless assumptions there. " If a partner believes they are in a monogamous relationship they are unlikely to go to the STI clinic because they believe that their partner is monogamous. However their partner is sleeping with other people and therefore exposing them to STIs without their knowledge. And never test a man who says he’s in a sexless marriage. A good friend of mine said he was in a sexless marriage. Would tell anyone who would listen as soon as he had a beer. Miraculously he’s just had another baby. | |||
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"The thing is to me, how can these 'married singles' be more respectful or open? They are not respectful or open if they are disrespecting and lying to their wife/husband Not only that, but potentially taking an STI back to their partner which could cause long-term health/fertility issues as they wouldn’t think to test for it. I don’t understand why anyone would potentially be complicit in that. Swinging should be about openness, honesty, and communication. If you don’t have those things in a person then you’re not swinging. Why is the likelihood of them contracting and spreading an std greater than anyone else having sex with more than one person ( indeed they may not be having sex at all with their permanent partner). Why do you assume they are any less likely to get tested. You’ve made some groundless assumptions there. If a partner believes they are in a monogamous relationship they are unlikely to go to the STI clinic because they believe that their partner is monogamous. However their partner is sleeping with other people and therefore exposing them to STIs without their knowledge. And never test a man who says he’s in a sexless marriage. A good friend of mine said he was in a sexless marriage. Would tell anyone who would listen as soon as he had a beer. Miraculously he’s just had another baby." I would agree that the partner is probably unlikely to seek sti testing, that’s my bad for miss understanding which partner you were referring too. Having read that bit again I now understand. Your experience with the guy who ‘said’ he was in a sexless marriage cannot be disputed because that is your actual experience but it doesn’t mean this is ‘always’ going to be the case. Your particular experience leads you to assume it would be the case. | |||
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"Just curious who would meet with single men or women on here if they didn’t have their partners knowledge or consent? Have heard several mixed opinions on this" I do meet married women and have regular partners who are married and their husbands do not know. | |||
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"Just curious who would meet with single men or women on here if they didn’t have their partners knowledge or consent? Have heard several mixed opinions on this" I have been in two open relationships and never had to provide consent or vice versa. If someone wants to break their vows they know what can go wrong. | |||
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"It's not my vows.... I just don't want to hear the sob BS stories of why they are staying AND cheating.. Separated and no contact ever is different.." | |||
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"It's a swingers site not a dating site. Wanting to be someone's priority is a big red flag statement." We all use the site in different ways and are entitled to our own opinion. Not recognising that is also a red flag! | |||
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"It's a swingers site not a dating site. Wanting to be someone's priority is a big red flag statement." I definitely want to 'feel' as if I'm someone's priority while I'm with them. If that's a red flag then I'm guilty | |||
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"It's a swingers site not a dating site. Wanting to be someone's priority is a big red flag statement." swinging is for couples and singles join couples, I'm here because its as good a place as any to meet /date. Opinions are just that i don't agree or disagree with you playing away from home but i think if your wife doesn't know you are on here would she not be hurt if she found out? I went without for years but i left when i couldn't take it any more and i probably made a mistake doing so | |||
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"I'm married and it's clear as night and day on my profile. People can call me what they want but it's my business and nobody else's,I have my reasons for being on here. I like sex she doesn't. It doesn't mean we can't still be together because we don't have sex." is she a crap shag ? My husband is very boring in bed i need hard fucking not grunt grunt fall asleep !! | |||
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"The thing is to me, how can these 'married singles' be more respectful or open? They are not respectful or open if they are disrespecting and lying to their wife/husband Not only that, but potentially taking an STI back to their partner which could cause long-term health/fertility issues as they wouldn’t think to test for it. I don’t understand why anyone would potentially be complicit in that. Swinging should be about openness, honesty, and communication. If you don’t have those things in a person then you’re not swinging. Why is the likelihood of them contracting and spreading an std greater than anyone else having sex with more than one person ( indeed they may not be having sex at all with their permanent partner). Why do you assume they are any less likely to get tested. You’ve made some groundless assumptions there. If a partner believes they are in a monogamous relationship they are unlikely to go to the STI clinic because they believe that their partner is monogamous. However their partner is sleeping with other people and therefore exposing them to STIs without their knowledge. And never test a man who says he’s in a sexless marriage. A good friend of mine said he was in a sexless marriage. Would tell anyone who would listen as soon as he had a beer. Miraculously he’s just had another baby." I had a woman friend who constantly complained that her and her husband (father of their two children) never had sex. She called me in distress one day to tell me she was unexpectedly pregnant with their third. | |||
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"It's a swingers site not a dating site. Wanting to be someone's priority is a big red flag statement. I definitely want to 'feel' as if I'm someone's priority while I'm with them. If that's a red flag then I'm guilty" Right! That's what I'm saying... I'm not going to have sex with someone feeling like I'm being used just for their own pleasure, and worrying that they're on a time limit. In the time I'm with them, I want to feel seen and wanted. | |||
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"It's a swingers site not a dating site. Wanting to be someone's priority is a big red flag statement. I definitely want to 'feel' as if I'm someone's priority while I'm with them. If that's a red flag then I'm guilty Right! That's what I'm saying... I'm not going to have sex with someone feeling like I'm being used just for their own pleasure, and worrying that they're on a time limit. In the time I'm with them, I want to feel seen and wanted. " I *know* I'm not that important to the people we meet in the bigger picture of their life. I don't pretend that they're hugely significant to us either. However I feel it's horribly disrespectful to not make anyone you're interacting with the focus of your attention for that brief period. If we're not each others priority while we're having sex then what is? | |||
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"The thing is to me, how can these 'married singles' be more respectful or open? They are not respectful or open if they are disrespecting and lying to their wife/husband Not only that, but potentially taking an STI back to their partner which could cause long-term health/fertility issues as they wouldn’t think to test for it. I don’t understand why anyone would potentially be complicit in that. Swinging should be about openness, honesty, and communication. If you don’t have those things in a person then you’re not swinging. Why is the likelihood of them contracting and spreading an std greater than anyone else having sex with more than one person ( indeed they may not be having sex at all with their permanent partner). Why do you assume they are any less likely to get tested. You’ve made some groundless assumptions there. If a partner believes they are in a monogamous relationship they are unlikely to go to the STI clinic because they believe that their partner is monogamous. However their partner is sleeping with other people and therefore exposing them to STIs without their knowledge. And never test a man who says he’s in a sexless marriage. A good friend of mine said he was in a sexless marriage. Would tell anyone who would listen as soon as he had a beer. Miraculously he’s just had another baby. I had a woman friend who constantly complained that her and her husband (father of their two children) never had sex. She called me in distress one day to tell me she was unexpectedly pregnant with their third. "is she still with him? | |||
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"The thing is to me, how can these 'married singles' be more respectful or open? They are not respectful or open if they are disrespecting and lying to their wife/husband Not only that, but potentially taking an STI back to their partner which could cause long-term health/fertility issues as they wouldn’t think to test for it. I don’t understand why anyone would potentially be complicit in that. Swinging should be about openness, honesty, and communication. If you don’t have those things in a person then you’re not swinging. Why is the likelihood of them contracting and spreading an std greater than anyone else having sex with more than one person ( indeed they may not be having sex at all with their permanent partner). Why do you assume they are any less likely to get tested. You’ve made some groundless assumptions there. If a partner believes they are in a monogamous relationship they are unlikely to go to the STI clinic because they believe that their partner is monogamous. However their partner is sleeping with other people and therefore exposing them to STIs without their knowledge. And never test a man who says he’s in a sexless marriage. A good friend of mine said he was in a sexless marriage. Would tell anyone who would listen as soon as he had a beer. Miraculously he’s just had another baby. I had a woman friend who constantly complained that her and her husband (father of their two children) never had sex. She called me in distress one day to tell me she was unexpectedly pregnant with their third. is she still with him? "Yes she is and that baby is nearly 20. She had an affair for several years which a lot of her women friends actively supported due to the way she portrayed her husband. I stayed well out of it | |||
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"meet someone who was married / partnered with no consent from partner It is always curious to me. words "with consent". But how do you determine consent, do they present a school trip type permission slip? Do you arrange a phone call with their partner? Do you email them "is it ok to shag your partner" We are talking about both male and females. I didn't mind my ex partner meeting others but id be really hacked off keep having to answer DMs. Phone calls asking if it is ok if they can "shag my partner" Probably out there on my own but this idea of only meeting an attached with parners consent is meaningless unless you actively seek permission/consent- how many actualy do?" I was thinking same lol  and some people on here could say they have consent and yet could still be lying.
You never no | |||
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"The thing is to me, how can these 'married singles' be more respectful or open? They are not respectful or open if they are disrespecting and lying to their wife/husband" Yes lying to there oh but being honest with the person there fucking. So is some sort of trust surely.hmm think I'd be more pissed if they lied to me and denied fact there not married ect. | |||
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"The thing is to me, how can these 'married singles' be more respectful or open? They are not respectful or open if they are disrespecting and lying to their wife/husband Not only that, but potentially taking an STI back to their partner which could cause long-term health/fertility issues as they wouldn’t think to test for it. I don’t understand why anyone would potentially be complicit in that. Swinging should be about openness, honesty, and communication. If you don’t have those things in a person then you’re not swinging. Why is the likelihood of them contracting and spreading an std greater than anyone else having sex with more than one person ( indeed they may not be having sex at all with their permanent partner). Why do you assume they are any less likely to get tested. You’ve made some groundless assumptions there. If a partner believes they are in a monogamous relationship they are unlikely to go to the STI clinic because they believe that their partner is monogamous. However their partner is sleeping with other people and therefore exposing them to STIs without their knowledge. And never test a man who says he’s in a sexless marriage. A good friend of mine said he was in a sexless marriage. Would tell anyone who would listen as soon as he had a beer. Miraculously he’s just had another baby." He's in a sexless marriage - she isn't | |||
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"I would and have in the past and Im also married and now playing alone. I wonder if those preaching from the moral high ground would have the same opinions on this if they were to live our life for the past 15 yrs. My wife knows Im here but doesnt want, or is able to be part of it. She recognises my desires are something she cant provide for due to having a degenerative disorder that we have both lived with. Life is cruel sometimes and I love my wife and Im not looking for another life partner, Ive also played in this lifestyle before our marraige and it fits what we are looking for other than a long drawn out affair and emotional entanglements." Why dismiss people having an opinion as having the moral high ground? I don't meet partnered men, cheating or not because I don't want to be involved in other people's complicated lives. | |||
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"I would and have in the past and Im also married and now playing alone. I wonder if those preaching from the moral high ground would have the same opinions on this if they were to live our life for the past 15 yrs. My wife knows Im here but doesnt want, or is able to be part of it. She recognises my desires are something she cant provide for due to having a degenerative disorder that we have both lived with. Life is cruel sometimes and I love my wife and Im not looking for another life partner, Ive also played in this lifestyle before our marraige and it fits what we are looking for other than a long drawn out affair and emotional entanglements." I can't see anyone 'preaching from the moral high ground'. Thats what people who are cheating usually say. People are expressing different views and opinions which is allowed. | |||
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"Jesus this is a swingers site not a dating site. I would, and have met married or in a relatinship. Whats wrong with it. Its there busness why they are here " Nobody is saying it isn't their business, but we all have our own preferences. As long as married people are upfront with those they meet, let them get on with it. | |||
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"Jesus this is a swingers site not a dating site. I would, and have met married or in a relatinship. Whats wrong with it. Its there busness why they are here " Swinging isn't cheating though. | |||
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"The 'do you meet cheaters' debate is always one of the most polarising debates on fab. Interestingly the people who get most offended are the ones who meet with cheaters' or are cheaters' themselves. I don't see why it's so difficult to accept that not wanting to meet with someone who is cheating is a preference just like any other preference. You live too far away - Preference Your not physically attractive to me - Preference You're cheating - Preference It doesn't automatically mean someone is being judged or there's a moral high ground. No one is under any obligation to explain or defend their preferences. " Spot on  | |||
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"The 'do you meet cheaters' debate is always one of the most polarising debates on fab. Interestingly the people who get most offended are the ones who meet with cheaters' or are cheaters' themselves. I don't see why it's so difficult to accept that not wanting to meet with someone who is cheating is a preference just like any other preference. You live too far away - Preference Your not physically attractive to me - Preference You're cheating - Preference It doesn't automatically mean someone is being judged or there's a moral high ground. No one is under any obligation to explain or defend their preferences. " | |||
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"I would and have in the past and Im also married and now playing alone. I wonder if those preaching from the moral high ground would have the same opinions on this if they were to live our life for the past 15 yrs. My wife knows Im here but doesnt want, or is able to be part of it. She recognises my desires are something she cant provide for due to having a degenerative disorder that we have both lived with. Life is cruel sometimes and I love my wife and Im not looking for another life partner, Ive also played in this lifestyle before our marraige and it fits what we are looking for other than a long drawn out affair and emotional entanglements. Why dismiss people having an opinion as having the moral high ground? I don't meet partnered men, cheating or not because I don't want to be involved in other people's complicated lives. " ## Having an opinion is a right, I have no problem with that. What I have a beef with is the presumption that being married and playing alone means Im morally repugnant. Maybe Im reading it all wrong? | |||
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"I can't recall anyone stopping to ask whether participants are married or not when something kicks off in a club!" This isn't the gotcha that you think it is. Anyone can lie about or declare their marital status at any point. We all work on the basic assumption that most people are honest and upfront. People who attend club's will be well aware there's a chance that attendees are cheating and have made that choice. | |||
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"I would and have in the past and Im also married and now playing alone. I wonder if those preaching from the moral high ground would have the same opinions on this if they were to live our life for the past 15 yrs. My wife knows Im here but doesnt want, or is able to be part of it. She recognises my desires are something she cant provide for due to having a degenerative disorder that we have both lived with. Life is cruel sometimes and I love my wife and Im not looking for another life partner, Ive also played in this lifestyle before our marraige and it fits what we are looking for other than a long drawn out affair and emotional entanglements. Why dismiss people having an opinion as having the moral high ground? I don't meet partnered men, cheating or not because I don't want to be involved in other people's complicated lives. ## Having an opinion is a right, I have no problem with that. What I have a beef with is the presumption that being married and playing alone means Im morally repugnant. Maybe Im reading it all wrong?" Has anyone actually called you morally repugnant? I haven't seen that. You can choose how you react to judgement and surely would know that a thread like this will be triggering - why not just stay away from them? | |||
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"The 'do you meet cheaters' debate is always one of the most polarising debates on fab. Interestingly the people who get most offended are the ones who meet with cheaters' or are cheaters' themselves. I don't see why it's so difficult to accept that not wanting to meet with someone who is cheating is a preference just like any other preference. You live too far away - Preference Your not physically attractive to me - Preference You're cheating - Preference It doesn't automatically mean someone is being judged or there's a moral high ground. No one is under any obligation to explain or defend their preferences. " It is down to the individuals, not forbothers to judge. People do big themselves up about not meeting cheaters and being morally superior. I'm not condoning it but one of the most hurtful things that ever happened to me. I met a couple, i was married at the time and they were fully aware. All was ok i thought. The next i knew they were in chat and forums banging the drum about not meeting cheaters and various other descriptive words. They weren't worried about meeting despicable cheaters while they were banging me to coin a phrase. I admit i was cheater once, i had good reason. But i am true to myself and more offended about flexible moralities when it suits. This is not an angry post. I'm just making a point really, on the above. where does the moral high ground sit? | |||
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"I can't recall anyone stopping to ask whether participants are married or not when something kicks off in a club! This isn't the gotcha that you think it is. Anyone can lie about or declare their marital status at any point. We all work on the basic assumption that most people are honest and upfront. People who attend club's will be well aware there's a chance that attendees are cheating and have made that choice." I wasn't posting it as a 'gotcha'. I was actually thinking that there is a place for mainly harmless sexual interactions in a club environment. Especially if all concerned (including, possibly, a savvy partner at home) understand the rules of keeping it that way. Maybe we should learn more from some continental cultures where clubs and brothels are no big deal but maybe leaving mistresses out of the argument for the moment! | |||
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"The 'do you meet cheaters' debate is always one of the most polarising debates on fab. Interestingly the people who get most offended are the ones who meet with cheaters' or are cheaters' themselves. I don't see why it's so difficult to accept that not wanting to meet with someone who is cheating is a preference just like any other preference. You live too far away - Preference Your not physically attractive to me - Preference You're cheating - Preference It doesn't automatically mean someone is being judged or there's a moral high ground. No one is under any obligation to explain or defend their preferences. It is down to the individuals, not forbothers to judge. People do big themselves up about not meeting cheaters and being morally superior. I'm not condoning it but one of the most hurtful things that ever happened to me. I met a couple, i was married at the time and they were fully aware. All was ok i thought. The next i knew they were in chat and forums banging the drum about not meeting cheaters and various other descriptive words. They weren't worried about meeting despicable cheaters while they were banging me to coin a phrase. I admit i was cheater once, i had good reason. But i am true to myself and more offended about flexible moralities when it suits. This is not an angry post. I'm just making a point really, on the above. where does the moral high ground sit? " It's a fair point. Im sorry to hear you had that experience. I have no more time for people who shriek in judgement of those cheating that I do for the ones howling in defence of it. My own, perhaps badly constructed, point was that just because someone doesn't want to meet a cheater doesn't mean they are judging them from a moral standpoint as some are implying above. There are other more practical considerations. | |||
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"The 'do you meet cheaters' debate is always one of the most polarising debates on fab. Interestingly the people who get most offended are the ones who meet with cheaters' or are cheaters' themselves. I don't see why it's so difficult to accept that not wanting to meet with someone who is cheating is a preference just like any other preference. You live too far away - Preference Your not physically attractive to me - Preference You're cheating - Preference It doesn't automatically mean someone is being judged or there's a moral high ground. No one is under any obligation to explain or defend their preferences. " I disagree with the first part of this. The ones who seem to get offended and outraged are the ones who don’t agree with it. Even though it doesn’t affect them. I’ve seen hundreds of these threads and the majority of the nastiness comes from those people. Usually couples, which to be fair I totally understand. Live and let live. Who really cares what strangers do and think. I don’t. | |||
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"The 'do you meet cheaters' debate is always one of the most polarising debates on fab. Interestingly the people who get most offended are the ones who meet with cheaters' or are cheaters' themselves. I don't see why it's so difficult to accept that not wanting to meet with someone who is cheating is a preference just like any other preference. You live too far away - Preference Your not physically attractive to me - Preference You're cheating - Preference It doesn't automatically mean someone is being judged or there's a moral high ground. No one is under any obligation to explain or defend their preferences. It is down to the individuals, not forbothers to judge. People do big themselves up about not meeting cheaters and being morally superior. I'm not condoning it but one of the most hurtful things that ever happened to me. I met a couple, i was married at the time and they were fully aware. All was ok i thought. The next i knew they were in chat and forums banging the drum about not meeting cheaters and various other descriptive words. They weren't worried about meeting despicable cheaters while they were banging me to coin a phrase. I admit i was cheater once, i had good reason. But i am true to myself and more offended about flexible moralities when it suits. This is not an angry post. I'm just making a point really, on the above. where does the moral high ground sit? It's a fair point. Im sorry to hear you had that experience. I have no more time for people who shriek in judgement of those cheating that I do for the ones howling in defence of it. My own, perhaps badly constructed, point was that just because someone doesn't want to meet a cheater doesn't mean they are judging them from a moral standpoint as some are implying above. There are other more practical considerations." Im not the same person i was and in a much better place, sometimes i think guys are a little nieve when they post such threads, validation is not going to happen. I see comments about it's unfair on the partner. But at the time being unfair to him was of little concern, definitely didn't deserve a sympathetic thought in my view. As said we do not know the circumstances or why but we still judge. Whether it is a choice to meet them or not is up to the individuals, it is their preference. But right to judge or take the moral high ground, that is another question altogether. Certainly I'm in no position to judge. But it is my preference not to meet attached people. Just my thoughts | |||
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"The thing is to me, how can these 'married singles' be more respectful or open? They are not respectful or open if they are disrespecting and lying to their wife/husband Not only that, but potentially taking an STI back to their partner which could cause long-term health/fertility issues as they wouldn’t think to test for it. I don’t understand why anyone would potentially be complicit in that. Swinging should be about openness, honesty, and communication. If you don’t have those things in a person then you’re not swinging. Why is the likelihood of them contracting and spreading an std greater than anyone else having sex with more than one person ( indeed they may not be having sex at all with their permanent partner). Why do you assume they are any less likely to get tested. You’ve made some groundless assumptions there. If a partner believes they are in a monogamous relationship they are unlikely to go to the STI clinic because they believe that their partner is monogamous. However their partner is sleeping with other people and therefore exposing them to STIs without their knowledge. And never test a man who says he’s in a sexless marriage. A good friend of mine said he was in a sexless marriage. Would tell anyone who would listen as soon as he had a beer. Miraculously he’s just had another baby. I had a woman friend who constantly complained that her and her husband (father of their two children) never had sex. She called me in distress one day to tell me she was unexpectedly pregnant with their third. is she still with him?
Yes she is and that baby is nearly 20.
She had an affair for several years which a lot of her women friends actively supported due to the way she portrayed her husband. I stayed well out of it"wow see the power of the spoken word | |||
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"Narcissistic, selfish and self centred comes to mind reading this thread" Ahhhhhh narcissistic. Thought that may come up. . I forgot 90% of people are narcissists these days. | |||
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"Narcissistic, selfish and self centred comes to mind reading this thread Ahhhhhh narcissistic. Thought that may come up. . I forgot 90% of people are narcissists these days. "Possibly. I don't know the stats | |||
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"Narcissistic, selfish and self centred comes to mind reading this thread Ahhhhhh narcissistic. Thought that may come up. . I forgot 90% of people are narcissists these days. "Have you done a buzz feed test to be sure | |||
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"Narcissistic, selfish and self centred comes to mind reading this thread Ahhhhhh narcissistic. Thought that may come up. . I forgot 90% of people are narcissists these days.
Have you done a buzz feed test to be sure " | |||
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"You'd be surprised how many will say no in a thread but yes in private..." reminds me of all the non-smoking smokers . Fab is a wonderful place | |||
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"You'd be surprised how many will say no in a thread but yes in private..." True… And how many couples who go up in arms about “we don’t meet cheaters” usually message me when the Mrs is not around asking to meet separately.  | |||
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"I understand and respect each and everyone’s opinion on this subject, but we all have our reasons for being here, after over 30 years of marriage you can sexually outgrow your partner, it’s doesn’t mean you don’t love and adore them, but we all have a kink/itch that we need to explore, open and honest to people on here is a must for me, they have to be fully aware so they can make the decision, not being upfront about it is completely wrong " Absolutely. As long as they are upfront about it. If they’re not then that’s totally different. Then the other person can decide if they want to meet them or not. Telling me they’re single when they’re not would be game over. | |||
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"You'd be surprised how many will say no in a thread but yes in private... reminds me of all the non-smoking smokers . Fab is a wonderful place "Non-smoking smokers are not usually good at hiding the odour or the techiness. | |||
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"You'd be surprised how many will say no in a thread but yes in private... True… And how many couples who go up in arms about “we don’t meet cheaters” usually message me when the Mrs is not around asking to meet separately. "Ooooft. A cheating cheater! | |||
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"You'd be surprised how many will say no in a thread but yes in private... reminds me of all the non-smoking smokers . Fab is a wonderful place
Non-smoking smokers are not usually good at hiding the odour or the techiness."I know. Over 50% of non smokers I’ve met actually smoked. I’m not bothered as I smoke sometimes but it just amused me. Nobody would probably know i do if I said I didn’t, I just don’t see the point in lying about it. If I want one I have one. | |||
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"You'd be surprised how many will say no in a thread but yes in private... True… And how many couples who go up in arms about “we don’t meet cheaters” usually message me when the Mrs is not around asking to meet separately. "So true | |||
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