FabSwingers.com forum: Age of becoming a parent

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

From reading the 'Children' thread its come across to me that those who had children at a younger age was not because it was planned that way.

Looking back and reflecting would you choose to have your children at the same age, or would you like to live a little bit more? For those of you who elected to have children later on, would you have had them at a younger age?

For me (and i know i am not very old) if i could have my daughter exactly as she is, id have preferred to have her later on in life and have grown up in my own time first, gone out on wild nights out and generally enjoyed life a bit more before becoming a mother. Selfishly i do feel like i have lost out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From reading the 'Children' thread its come across to me that those who had children at a younger age was not because it was planned that way.

I'm happy how things are now for me.

You can still have fun Cute. You're not 'past it' yet!

I know what you mean but when she's older you'll still be young and you could go to the pubs together.

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By *nvictusMan
over a year ago

Beeston

I was 445 in cat years when my son arrived.

I think 898 in Thalaxian Prime years would have been better so I could have gone to more of the Ambassadors 'Tentacles and Tarts' parties before settling down.

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By *oulou45Woman
over a year ago

Bucks

I waa 18 when I had my daughter. My ex and I were lucky as we had great family support. I'm now a gran and wouldn't change things for the world.

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By *ucsparkMan
over a year ago

dudley

My son I was nineteen and was planned. My daughter I was thirty six and not planned and was it a shock

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was 22 when i had my daughter. I was a bad bad wild child before that. So it was not too early and i was married age 20. My kids like having young parents. We have been poor tho thats the downside i think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had my first at almost 20 and my 2nd at 23 (both planned) and my 3rd at just turned 39 (a bit of a surprise!) ........there's pro's and con's to having them at both ages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was 20, though ten days later i turned 21

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was 20, though ten days later i turned 21

Oh yeah, and DEFINITELY not planned!!

I don't regret it - just wished it happened a few years later

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i understand that, i had my son when i was 19, i look back on that time as being a very happy time of my life.

but it does get boring being a parent and i didnt like the responsibility,

i would of prefered to have had him when i was in my twenties or thirties maybe.

i would of prefered to have been going out more and having fun when i was a teenager and in my early twenties.

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By *upitersmileCouple
over a year ago

Manchester

Had my first at 18, not planned. Second at 21, planned and third at 27, not planned. At 27 I think I was a better mother, calmer and more patient and not so worried that I was/wasn't doing the right thing. After having my youngest I've always said I wish I had been older when I had the other two. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

i kinda feel relieved i'm not the only one wishing id had my child later on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was 25 when my first was born I was 41 when my youngest was born got told by the ex she could not have any more children what a shock when she told me she was 7 months pregnant. I nearly died but I love all my kids dearly and would never change a thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm about to go and study medicine in September. Even though I want kids earlier I won't be able to support them till 8 years from now!

I guess you have to put your situation into context otherwise it wouldn't be fair on the children. So even though they dont exist, even now I have to put my children first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had mine pretty young and no wouldn't change it ...I had fun with them growing up, bags of energy to keep up with them and now have my 'freedom' at an age where I can really appreciate it and the finances to keep it going so all good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's about who you are not how old.

Mine are 19 years apart and wouldn't change a thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i kinda feel relieved i'm not the only one wishing id had my child later on."

There's nothing wrong with that - your not saying you wished you never had them, just that you wished you'd waited a bit!

I wish i could have lived a bit before i had mine, i'm struggling to do it now since i'm a completely single parent doing everything myself

Maybe if i had then i may have been better at the whole being a parent thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have kids in your thirties or forties then you are setting a timebomb for them, meaning they may well be looking after a young family themselves at the time you need help from them to care for you as you get old and decrepit. Just a thought

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"If you have kids in your thirties or forties then you are setting a timebomb for them, meaning they may well be looking after a young family themselves at the time you need help from them to care for you as you get old and decrepit. Just a thought"

I was 33 and 35 when I had my kids even if they have children at the same age I will be in my late sixties and early seventies, hardly a ticking time bomb of responsibility for my kids.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"i kinda feel relieved i'm not the only one wishing id had my child later on.

There's nothing wrong with that - your not saying you wished you never had them, just that you wished you'd waited a bit!

I wish i could have lived a bit before i had mine, i'm struggling to do it now since i'm a completely single parent doing everything myself

Maybe if i had then i may have been better at the whole being a parent thing"

See i have always been a single parent. Her 'dad' has seen my daughter for about 6 hours in 3 years 3 months. I havent known what its like to experience parenthood any other way.

Im lucky that i have my grandparents (70's) to help out but still feel guilty. They allow me to go to work because they collect her from nursery. Its tough but its just the way it is. My way of life i guess.

I get very few nights 'off' and if the opportunity arises sometimes im just grateful of the lie in the next morning haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i kinda feel relieved i'm not the only one wishing id had my child later on.

There's nothing wrong with that - your not saying you wished you never had them, just that you wished you'd waited a bit!

I wish i could have lived a bit before i had mine, i'm struggling to do it now since i'm a completely single parent doing everything myself

Maybe if i had then i may have been better at the whole being a parent thing

See i have always been a single parent. Her 'dad' has seen my daughter for about 6 hours in 3 years 3 months. I havent known what its like to experience parenthood any other way.

I get very few nights 'off' and if the opportunity arises sometimes im just grateful of the lie in the next morning haha"

I only have my mum to help once or twice a month, i do everything myself - so, you know, im not jealous . . .

Mines never even met the 'sperm donor' and for that im grateful

Thank god for school!!

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

My parents have my kids after school while I am working. Its really tough for my parents now. My eldest is at high school so a pain in the ass. My one weekend a month makes relationships not work and not good for getting out and meeting new people.

I would love to have daytimes free but work is getting good now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was 23 when I had our son, wasn't really a wild child before haven't been since well untill we joined FAB!

Wouldn't change when I had him, it was fate, what's ment to be and everything happens for a reason.

I also had a very stressful pregnancy Ian had had a very serious motorbike accident and I very nearly lost him, so my thoughts are no I don't have any regrets at all, it just makes me very thankful that I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful healthy son.

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By *adchickCouple
over a year ago

Cyprus

I had mine at 20' 22 and 26 which meant that although I had kids running around through my 20s and 30s, by the time I hit 36' my oldest was babysitting for her allowance. Since they all left home (youngest at Uni)' I've globetrotter and worked in Afghanistan and even went back to Uni. I' m now looking at the possibility of working abroad for 3 years.

Am I glad I had them young..... Hell YES. I look after my grandson sometimes and I'm bloody knack erred by the end of it.

I'm definitely more appreciating of my life now I'm older and would probably have wasted my 20s and 30s in a booze and party filled stupor if I'd had my kids later.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I would like children before I am 35.. I am 33 so often hear the clock ticking..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was 23 when I had my daughter. She was very much planned. Wouldn't change it for the world. In fact she is my world.

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By *e nicerWoman
over a year ago

Costa del Medway

got married in my early twenties and we decided to have some fun times together before family. My first was born when I was 30 and I have to say I wondered why we hadn't done it before.

Children are such a joy. You have to have a working partnership though. Ours was good in the early years but sadly the demon drink spoiled all that later.

Mine are both married now and I have one grandchild and another on the way.

I reckon it was probably about right, but it is what it is in anycase.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had my oldest when I was 17 (planned) then her brother 16 months later (not planned) and then when I was 29 I got a surprise number 3

I loved being a young mum and although we didn't always have a lot of money they never missed out on anything. And they had a young and fun mum!

Now my daughter is nearly 20 and my son approaching his 18th we have a fantastic relationship. Daughter is at uni and son is going after the summer. I am very proud of them both. They are happy, intelligent and well adjusted adults.

My little one is the light of all of our lives! He is emotionally spoilt rotten and a beautiful natured child. Everyone dotes on him!

BUT 6 months after I had him I was diagnosed with a very serious heart condition which has limited the energy I have and therefore the things I can do with him. Luckily he has his big brother and sister for those things.

I have however been told that I cannot have any more children so had I waited and he was my first he would also have been my last!

I very much believe that things happen for a reason. The past is the past and you shouldn't look back with regret or I wishes.

L xx

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By *e nicerWoman
over a year ago

Costa del Medway

blimmin cheek. Have you know I can dance the legs off them young uns! tch

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was 16 when i had my first daughter, got married at 17 then I had my second daughter when I was 18 and finally had my son at the age of 20. A lot of people are shocked when I tell them im married with 3 children at the age of 21 but I wouldn't change it!

Im glad I had my kids young and I feel im a good mum to them and when they get older and start to have problems hopefully they will feel like they can talk to me about anything and I wont be too old to remember when I was having the same problems!

But I will strongly advise them to enjoy their life while they are young and not rush into having such a huge responsibility as I know how hard it is!

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By *arl828Man
over a year ago

warrington, Cheshire

My daugter was born just after my 41st birthday and was in the planning stage for 6 years(IVF) I wish I had become a father earlier in my life, because I'd love to be a grandad but doubt I ever will be.

But each end of the age spectrum has it's pros and cons I think.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

blimmin cheek. Have you know I can dance the legs off them young uns! tch

dont mean to offend its just that in my profession as a carer for elderly i think about the things others dont consider. Look after plenty of folk in their early 70s who suffer dementia, strokes, arthritis etc. We dont know who will be the lucky and unlucky ones when we reach our pensions. I get told every day age dont come alone and in a lot of cases its true sadly

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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago

(She/ her) in Sensualityland

I think there is for and against in being a young or mature parent -also I think you can have fun either before you have children or once they have grown up.

Personally I was enjoying myself a a teenager and when going through uni, then having my first jobs... but then again I am also enjoying myself now in a different but nonetheless good way.

Being a younger parent perhaps you have more energy - being an older parent you are probably a bit more laid back about things.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

blimmin cheek. Have you know I can dance the legs off them young uns! tch

Ok, that is true but illness and incapacity are not confined to old age plenty of younger people sadly get things like multiple sclerosis, cancer etc and their children have to combine helping to care for them with caring for young families.

I think you can put arguments in favour of having children (or not) at any stage of your life. The fact is that children have a way of appearing in your life if they're meant to no matter what your age or circumstance and there are good things and bad things about it no matter what age you are.

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By *B9 QueenWoman
over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I was 19. It was tough at the time but glad now as I had loads of fun once she had grown up and still having fun! Plus, being older I feel I'm really enjoying it more. I have fewer hang UPS now, and am more relaxed about it. Other friends who started later are rather envious of my freedom and have less energy in their parenting than I did as a younger woman. Not to say they are bad parents but they do appear rather more exhausted.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was 40 when we had our daughter, when it came time to take her home from the hospital I wanted to take her back, I didn't think we would be able to look after her. But you soon learn, and she changed our lives completely.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

My mum was 43 when she had me...my dad was 33. My mum is the most active woman I know and she did everything with us growing up so did my dad. Amazing parents who gave us everything.. So in terms of older parenting yes of course there is pro's and con's but I guess we can't help what age we are meant to be parents..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had my first at 16 and Married at 17, by the time was 24 I had 4 Children.

I so don't regret anything. I went back to work fulltime when my yoingest was 18 months old and carried on working.

Now they are all grown up, have their own little Familys and its now ME time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was 22 when I had my daughter, I planned to have her and I would change nothing. I feel like something was missing before I became a mom x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had my first daughter at 32 which was a good age, although I don't see her anymore due to her mother being a twat, 8 years on and I'm due to be a dad again in 6 weeks time, just hope I can keep up with Poppy when's she is born

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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago

near kings lynn

"I had my first at 16 and Married at 17, by the time was 24 I had 4 Children.

I so don't regret anything. I went back to work fulltime when my yoingest was 18 months old and carried on working.

Now they are all grown up, have their own little Familys and its now ME time

Me time???....whats that? Lol.

I envy those with me time.

Enjoy sexy xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

26, 34 and 38

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I was married at 20 and wanted to have three children before 30. I didn't want to be an old mum, wanted the kids gone and leave us to travel and enjoy life.

Had my fourth child (third child had died) three weeks after my 31st birthday.

Divorced after 25, two youngest (21 and 25) still at home, so best laid plans...

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By *riendly foeWoman
over a year ago

In a crisp poke on the A814

Had my children when I was 17 & 19....

They are now 24 & 26...

Haing time of my life, so no, wouldnt go back and change even if I could....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had my 3 children 22 23 and 25 my eldest is 17 next week. would'nt change the ages had them. I was pregnant constantly for 7 years ( lost four babies through miscarriage)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I became a dad at 28 and my daughter is 9, but my best mate who's the same age as me became a dad at 16 and his son is turning 22 in may and is built like a brick shithouse and can out drink me and his dad. He's as good as a son to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

blimmin cheek. Have you know I can dance the legs off them young uns! tch

Fair point but I don't think anyone has kids so that they have someone to look after them in their old age.

What about people that don't have kids...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I married and had my children when I was young, I then had plenty of time to dream about what you really wanted to when I got my independence back rather than spending my teens and 20's wasting my time and money on alcohol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having 4 girls and 1 boy i do joke and say I've plenty to look after me when im old .. i don't actually mean it.

I had my first at 18 and my last at 38 , i can do exactly the same stuff now as i could after my first just with more knowledge and patience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"From reading the 'Children' thread its come across to me that those who had children at a younger age was not because it was planned that way.

I had my daughter a month before i was twenty. She came ten years too early but now im pleased i had her at that age as we do everything together. Sop together, clubbing together everything holidays together. A lot of her friends are very envious of her as she has a young mummy and they dont. But look at me im still young enough to live my life and do crazy things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I had my first at 16 and Married at 17, by the time was 24 I had 4 Children.

I so don't regret anything. I went back to work full time when my youngest was 18 months old and carried on working.

Now they are all grown up, have their own little Family's and its now ME time

Me time???....whats that? Lol.

I envy those with me time.

Enjoy sexy xx"

I do miss being Mummy and the empty nest syndrome was horrible. But I have loads of Grandkids now to make up for it.

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By *mumaWoman
over a year ago

Livingston

I was 26 when I had the shrimp, lost my first at 16 and my last at 40. She wasn't planned, we had only just set the date for the wedding, but wouldn't change the timing for the world!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was a bit of a late starter, as i had my son at the age of 30, and my daughters at 36 and 38yrs.

It has been an uphill battle with the girls as one is special needs and the other is disabled, and although i think i would have liked to have had them earlier in life, i don't think that i would have had the patience that i do now because it has made me a stronger person !!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Having 4 girls and 1 boy i do joke and say I've plenty to look after me when im old .. i don't actually mean it.

I had my first at 18 and my last at 38 , i can do exactly the same stuff now as i could after my first just with more knowledge and patience."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had my kids very young, I was 16 when I got pregnant with my first, obviously wasn't planned but that's life, you make the most of what you have

It was very hard work, I had 2 kids by the time 18 and I bought them up alone while still continuing my education, I use to have to work part time as well as go to uni so I could put my kids in day care, I was determined I wasn't going to be a unemployed single teenage mum, and I don't believe that just because you have kids at a early age your life is over, kids or not if you want something bad enough you will get it

As a teenager I wished I had waited till I was older, now im glad I had them early, im now 37 and my kids are 18 and 20 so im stil young enough to have a life and enjoy it without having to worry about babysitters etc

My life has worked out good despite getting pregnant at 16, I now have a good job, a home, money in the bank and healthy kids, what more can you ask for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was 24 and 27 when I had both my older children and they were very much planned. I was 40 when I had my last one and he was definitely not planned, although he brought his father the greatest pleasure, they absolutely adored each other.

I'm 55 now and single parent to a lively 15 year old ..... some days I think god, I'm too old for all this.

I can't show him the same life the other two had, I can't indulge in sports with him as I did the other two because of ill health and my age. I don't have as much money, I don't have a dad for him.

BUT due to there only being him at home now, he gets more attention, he has been allowed more freedom and responsibility because the elder two eased the path for him, I'm more relaxed as a parent and he is very mature for 15 because he has lost his father, nursed me in ill health and has taken on more responsibilities the others couldn't even have guessed at a similar age.

Pro's and con's with early and late babies ..... but they all balance out in the long run. xxx

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