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Being vulnerable (opening up) to others

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago

So recently after digging and looking into lots of different possible reasons for why I find it can be tricky to socialise with people at times (which has been very informative none the less), I typed something else in and realised what it was that has been the blockage for so long. I've struggled to open up and be vulnerable with people, most probably due to certain unfortunate bad past experiences that have made me behave in a reserved and guarded way when interacting with people.

Is anyone else here dealing with and overcoming this too? No one has to express in detail anything they don't want to. This is just a lil space for people with the same blockage to share anything and/or give support to one another.

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By *heGateKeeperMan
49 weeks ago

Stratford

I am generally a very closed book, but I was thinking about the last time I was vulnerable to someone on here and how supportive (and genuinely down right amazing) they were in my time of need.

They won’t see this but I’ll never forget what they did for me in terms of being a crutch when i needed it the most and couldn’t share what I was processing with my friends and family for fear of making a bad situation worse.

I will always hold them dear to me

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"I am generally a very closed book, but I was thinking about the last time I was vulnerable to someone on here and how supportive (and genuinely down right amazing) they were in my time of need.

They won’t see this but I’ll never forget what they did for me in terms of being a crutch when i needed it the most and couldn’t share what I was processing with my friends and family for fear of making a bad situation worse.

I will always hold them dear to me "

Ahh that's amazing to hear that man I'm so pleased someone out there supported you when you needed it. What a hero. x

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By *heGateKeeperMan
49 weeks ago

Stratford


"I am generally a very closed book, but I was thinking about the last time I was vulnerable to someone on here and how supportive (and genuinely down right amazing) they were in my time of need.

They won’t see this but I’ll never forget what they did for me in terms of being a crutch when i needed it the most and couldn’t share what I was processing with my friends and family for fear of making a bad situation worse.

I will always hold them dear to me

Ahh that's amazing to hear that man I'm so pleased someone out there supported you when you needed it. What a hero. x"

C*nt is the word I’d use personally

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"I am generally a very closed book, but I was thinking about the last time I was vulnerable to someone on here and how supportive (and genuinely down right amazing) they were in my time of need.

They won’t see this but I’ll never forget what they did for me in terms of being a crutch when i needed it the most and couldn’t share what I was processing with my friends and family for fear of making a bad situation worse.

I will always hold them dear to me

Ahh that's amazing to hear that man I'm so pleased someone out there supported you when you needed it. What a hero. x

C*nt is the word I’d use personally "

Sorry man, I didn't get the joke.

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
49 weeks ago

kent


"So recently after digging and looking into lots of different possible reasons for why I find it can be tricky to socialise with people at times (which has been very informative none the less), I typed something else in and realised what it was that has been the blockage for so long. I've struggled to open up and be vulnerable with people, most probably due to certain unfortunate bad past experiences that have made me behave in a reserved and guarded way when interacting with people.

Is anyone else here dealing with and overcoming this too? No one has to express in detail anything they don't want to. This is just a lil space for people with the same blockage to share anything and/or give support to one another. "

This resonates deeply with me. After some terrible experiences, I find it very difficult to lower my guard. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

I found it very hard to make the changes are needed to make. The way I’ve been treated by other people, and also my own mistakes in the past, put me inside a big box, and I wouldn’t open it for anyone.

Having read loads and listen to a lot of people, I won’t need to let go of the past as it’s that that holds you back. And I can’t pass those mistakes on, or pass the blame and have people in my future apologising for the shit all the people in my past have done to me.

So dropping down then defences, I found I can trust people, and I can share myself with them too. That’s who I am deep inside, and that’s the best version of me. Open and truthful.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"So recently after digging and looking into lots of different possible reasons for why I find it can be tricky to socialise with people at times (which has been very informative none the less), I typed something else in and realised what it was that has been the blockage for so long. I've struggled to open up and be vulnerable with people, most probably due to certain unfortunate bad past experiences that have made me behave in a reserved and guarded way when interacting with people.

Is anyone else here dealing with and overcoming this too? No one has to express in detail anything they don't want to. This is just a lil space for people with the same blockage to share anything and/or give support to one another.

This resonates deeply with me. After some terrible experiences, I find it very difficult to lower my guard. Xx"

It's so tricky isn't it?... but not impossible.

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By *heGateKeeperMan
49 weeks ago

Stratford


"I am generally a very closed book, but I was thinking about the last time I was vulnerable to someone on here and how supportive (and genuinely down right amazing) they were in my time of need.

They won’t see this but I’ll never forget what they did for me in terms of being a crutch when i needed it the most and couldn’t share what I was processing with my friends and family for fear of making a bad situation worse.

I will always hold them dear to me

Ahh that's amazing to hear that man I'm so pleased someone out there supported you when you needed it. What a hero. x

C*nt is the word I’d use personally

Sorry man, I didn't get the joke."

Haha it’s ok. They may or may not have a forum ban, so can’t comment on this thread

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"I found it very hard to make the changes are needed to make. The way I’ve been treated by other people, and also my own mistakes in the past, put me inside a big box, and I wouldn’t open it for anyone.

Having read loads and listen to a lot of people, I won’t need to let go of the past as it’s that that holds you back. And I can’t pass those mistakes on, or pass the blame and have people in my future apologising for the shit all the people in my past have done to me.

So dropping down then defences, I found I can trust people, and I can share myself with them too. That’s who I am deep inside, and that’s the best version of me. Open and truthful. "

Wow, that sounds quite the adventure you had there and beautiful aftermath man. I see some similarities of myself in you're sharing, but I'm glad to hear you've overcome it and have come out the other end shining. x

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

I'm with you on the bad experiences, OP. I've had too many to keep count of. I do state in my profile that I can be wary so people have a heads-up. But my ethos is really that if I am not a bit vulnerable, neither will others share their vulnerability with me. And opening ourselves up a little is where the connection is found. I keep telling myself that but also being questioning why someone wants to know certain things about me. Their motivation needs to be apparent. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"I'm with you on the bad experiences, OP. I've had too many to keep count of. I do state in my profile that I can be wary so people have a heads-up. But my ethos is really that if I am not a bit vulnerable, neither will others share their vulnerability with me. And opening ourselves up a little is where the connection is found. I keep telling myself that but also being questioning why someone wants to know certain things about me. Their motivation needs to be apparent. Good luck. "

Yes I totally feel you on that. Connecting with others only works reciprocally. If not the interaction is going to eventually fade.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
49 weeks ago

East Sussex

I'd never make myself vulnerable to someone on fab. That's reserved for family and *very* close friends. Most people are really very careless with others feelings

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By *ou only live onceMan
49 weeks ago

London

Was typing an answer and realised mid-way that I have a different answer to different angles of the question.

I'm a private person and don't open up to people easily if I am sad or struggling with something. Not sure it's due to any past negative experiences in my case (I can't think of any anyway); I've just always been very private and reserved about my emotions/feelings. This is something I would like to be better at, with people I am close to, as I know I should not bottle things up. But old habits are hard to break.

But if this is about opening up in terms of telling people I like them, or welcoming new people into my life (your point about socialising, OP), then that comes pretty easily to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

im not vulnerable with anyone, ever.

been burnt one too many times. Px

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"I'd never make myself vulnerable to someone on fab. That's reserved for family and *very* close friends. Most people are really very careless with others feelings "

I meant just being vulnerable with people in general. x

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
49 weeks ago

kent


"So recently after digging and looking into lots of different possible reasons for why I find it can be tricky to socialise with people at times (which has been very informative none the less), I typed something else in and realised what it was that has been the blockage for so long. I've struggled to open up and be vulnerable with people, most probably due to certain unfortunate bad past experiences that have made me behave in a reserved and guarded way when interacting with people.

Is anyone else here dealing with and overcoming this too? No one has to express in detail anything they don't want to. This is just a lil space for people with the same blockage to share anything and/or give support to one another.

This resonates deeply with me. After some terrible experiences, I find it very difficult to lower my guard. Xx

It's so tricky isn't it?... but not impossible. "

Not impossible. I used to connect with people easily. Now it’s like a self imposed exile that feels safe, but unnatural to me. In time maybe, with the right people x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"Was typing an answer and realised mid-way that I have a different answer to different angles of the question.

I'm a private person and don't open up to people easily if I am sad or struggling with something. Not sure it's due to any past negative experiences in my case (I can't think of any anyway); I've just always been very private and reserved about my emotions/feelings. This is something I would like to be better at, with people I am close to, as I know I should not bottle things up. But old habits are hard to break.

But if this is about opening up in terms of telling people I like them, or welcoming new people into my life (your point about socialising, OP), then that comes pretty easily to me."

I get that, perhaps it's a feeling that you don't want to burden anyone with any challenges or things you're struggling with? But I understand that. I tend to be neutral emotionally in all interactions and only respond emotionally where I see appropriate and relative to the conversation and where I am with values, morals, ethics, etc.

From what I have learnt, it's because it's what we know which gives us some weird form of comfort, more so than the unknown. As the saying goes "better the devil you know". Letting go of the known and into the unknown is difficult.

Happy to hear the content within that last paragraph man. x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
49 weeks ago

East Sussex


"I'd never make myself vulnerable to someone on fab. That's reserved for family and *very* close friends. Most people are really very careless with others feelings

I meant just being vulnerable with people in general. x"

I see but the second part of my post answers that I think

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

Its very empowering when you find the right person and they see you and hear you.. Its a two way street don't forget though

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

I chat too much. And my anxiety hates me for it.

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By *riel13Woman
49 weeks ago

Northampton

I am an open book about myself and past experiences... I don't find it makes me vulnerable at all... Or at least I don't feel it

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By *parkle1974Woman
49 weeks ago

Leeds

I will never allow myself to be vulnerable again with anyone. There is only 1 person in my life who knows my complete story x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"I'd never make myself vulnerable to someone on fab. That's reserved for family and *very* close friends. Most people are really very careless with others feelings

I meant just being vulnerable with people in general. x

I see but the second part of my post answers that I think "

I unfortunately have to agree with you, to a degree. People focus on themselves and the way they want to navigate the world for sure, but there are definitely people out there who listen and care, but it does feel in very short supply these days.

Am glad to hear you can be vulnerable with certain people in you're life though. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"Its very empowering when you find the right person and they see you and hear you.. Its a two way street don't forget though "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"I chat too much. And my anxiety hates me for it. "

Ahh, sorry to hear that man. It's a tricky one to balance.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"I am an open book about myself and past experiences... I don't find it makes me vulnerable at all... Or at least I don't feel it "

Oh wow, what's you're little secret?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"I will never allow myself to be vulnerable again with anyone. There is only 1 person in my life who knows my complete story x"

Sorry to hear that Sparkle. Sending warm virtual hugs you're way.

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By *parkle1974Woman
49 weeks ago

Leeds


"I will never allow myself to be vulnerable again with anyone. There is only 1 person in my life who knows my complete story x

Sorry to hear that Sparkle. Sending warm virtual hugs you're way."

Nothing to be sorry for. I like it this way x

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By *ilthycoupleabzCouple
49 weeks ago

Aberdeen


"I chat too much. And my anxiety hates me for it. "

But my eyes appreciate the chattery

On subject now! I'm quite guarded about things that can or have hurt me. Those topics I avoid like the plague.

I confess I'm suspicious of people and keep them at distance at first but if I have decided I like you then I am quite open bar those topics.

Those topics are reserved for just a couple of people who have shown they love me no matter what, no matter how sad or broken they will always love me.

MrsAbz

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By *stellaWoman
49 weeks ago

London

I believe the ability yo be authentically vulnerable is one of the greatest strengths and how we really connect to others.

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By *affron40Woman
49 weeks ago

manchester

I used to be so open and vulnerable. But time after time that’s been abused so I’ve gone back into my shell. I’ll stick to my real life friends for personal stuff.

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By (user no longer on site)
49 weeks ago

I'm now 2 and half years divorced after being in a relationship/marriage for 39 years.

I've been through a process of trying to work out where the barriers come from.

Is it the natural me (how I'm wired) or is it the person I was programmed to be (by a complete narcissist)

It's not easy to find the boundary.

And, TBH, it's down to trust. The trust you put in others and the trust you have in your own instincts.

I can count my trusted friends on one hand, friends that I've built over 25 years.

For me, dropping your guard is a long term investment.

Nurture the click you have with someone until the click becomes trust.

There's no time limit on that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"I believe the ability yo be authentically vulnerable is one of the greatest strengths and how we really connect to others. "

I totally agree.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago

Thank you everyone so far for expressing freely and sharing what you've all been through. I may not have met you all in person or even spoke to you before, but I love each and every one you. You're all amazing in you're own ways for persevering through life and looking out for others when they need some support. xxx

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By *ou only live onceMan
49 weeks ago

London


"Thank you everyone so far for expressing freely and sharing what you've all been through. I may not have met you all in person or even spoke to you before, but I love each and every one you. You're all amazing in you're own ways for persevering through life and looking out for others when they need some support. xxx"

OP, you don't need to open up *that* much - you can't possibly love us all on the basis of the odd post on a thread!

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By *eliWoman
49 weeks ago

.

Yes. It's a slight dichotomy because I love people. Learning them, those moments where someone is truly themselves with me? In a way I feel blessed. Sounds daft I know, but having someone decide they can open up, share how they really feel makes me feel good. Good in the knowledge that I can hold a safe space for them to do so, that I can be there for another.

Being personally vulnerable? That's where I struggle. It takes a long time for me to be truly open with another, learned behaviour, a coping mechanism or a bit of both. I guess for one I don't want to bore or burden another. I worry that when people see the real me and not the Meli that so many place on a pedestal they'll leave me. I worry I can be too much, too ND, too easily feeling of emotions.

There's power in sharing and being yourself isn't there? It's where you build real relationships. So I try. Even when my brain is telling me to flee or shut down. Even though I've been hurt before. Even though it's really fucking scary to say to someone "this is who I am" and hope they still want to know me.

It's not something I'm good at right now. I know that. It is something I'm actively working on because I think the real me? She's not too bad.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"Thank you everyone so far for expressing freely and sharing what you've all been through. I may not have met you all in person or even spoke to you before, but I love each and every one you. You're all amazing in you're own ways for persevering through life and looking out for others when they need some support. xxx

OP, you don't need to open up *that* much - you can't possibly love us all on the basis of the odd post on a thread!

"

Oh I see that people can truly love anyone they come into contact with, but trusting them is a different thing all together aha.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
49 weeks ago


"Yes. It's a slight dichotomy because I love people. Learning them, those moments where someone is truly themselves with me? In a way I feel blessed. Sounds daft I know, but having someone decide they can open up, share how they really feel makes me feel good. Good in the knowledge that I can hold a safe space for them to do so, that I can be there for another.

Being personally vulnerable? That's where I struggle. It takes a long time for me to be truly open with another, learned behaviour, a coping mechanism or a bit of both. I guess for one I don't want to bore or burden another. I worry that when people see the real me and not the Meli that so many place on a pedestal they'll leave me. I worry I can be too much, too ND, too easily feeling of emotions.

There's power in sharing and being yourself isn't there? It's where you build real relationships. So I try. Even when my brain is telling me to flee or shut down. Even though I've been hurt before. Even though it's really fucking scary to say to someone "this is who I am" and hope they still want to know me.

It's not something I'm good at right now. I know that. It is something I'm actively working on because I think the real me? She's not too bad. "

That was honestly really beautiful to read Meli. Thank you for sharing. x

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By *ou only live onceMan
49 weeks ago

London


"Thank you everyone so far for expressing freely and sharing what you've all been through. I may not have met you all in person or even spoke to you before, but I love each and every one you. You're all amazing in you're own ways for persevering through life and looking out for others when they need some support. xxx

OP, you don't need to open up *that* much - you can't possibly love us all on the basis of the odd post on a thread!

Oh I see that people can truly love anyone they come into contact with, but trusting them is a different thing all together aha. "

Yes, of course people can be in love with anyone they come into contact with. I believe you could definitely love someone you only know virtually. But on the basis of one post? No.

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By *ealMissShadyWoman
49 weeks ago

St Albans/ Welsh Borders

I hope you manage to work through whatever it is you need too op

As for me, I can't show vulnerability. Things have been tough lately. But i have too many people at home and at work who is relying on me to be strong. Anyhow that's what driving and music is for, process the thoughts and move on.

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
49 weeks ago

kent


"

Being personally vulnerable? That's where I struggle. It takes a long time for me to be truly open with another, learned behaviour, a coping mechanism or a bit of both. I guess for one I don't want to bore or burden another. I worry that when people see the real me and not the Meli that so many place on a pedestal they'll leave me. I worry I can be too much, too ND, too easily feeling of emotions.

There's power in sharing and being yourself isn't there? It's where you build real relationships. So I try. Even when my brain is telling me to flee or shut down. Even though I've been hurt before. Even though it's really fucking scary to say to someone "this is who I am" and hope they still want to know me.

It's not something I'm good at right now. I know that. It is something I'm actively working on because I think the real me? She's not too bad. "

All of the above is an accurate description of me and my thoughts. As ever, dear Meli, your words are so accurate Xx

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By *adyBugsWoman
49 weeks ago

cognito

Nope. Tighter than a nun’s knickers here.

I share random information from time to time with many types of people but not one single soul knows absolutely everything about me. Not even my best mate knows me that well and I tell him all sorts of shit he doesn’t want to know.

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By *ellinever70Woman
49 weeks ago

Ayrshire

On the internet, I think it's prudent not to be too open with vulnerabilities.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
49 weeks ago

East Sussex

I think there's a generation coming up who willingly share their innermost thoughts on the net I don't know if that's a good or bad thing given the predatory nature of many people who frequent social media

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