FabSwingers.com forum: Not looking forward to Christmas

By *zero OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

Sorry for the doom and gloom but hey ho.

This year has been a bit shite. Both of my parents have been unwell, my mum with appendicitis and various other health complaints and my dad with dementia. He has spent the last couple of months in a home and this will be the first Christmas without him at the house. We will be going to visit him first then heading back to ours. I feel like just telling my mum to go have Christmas Dinner at my aunts and I'll just go home once it's over.

Any other fabbers apprehensive about the big day?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs op wishing you and your family the best

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So sorry to read this.

This is the problem, people get so hyped up and excited for Christmas but can ignorantly forget that for other people, Christmas can be a very difficult and emotional time.

Please don't put any pressure on yourself to have to be the life and soul and get excited about Christmas, because you really dont. Your parents will appreciate seeing you on Christmas Day, I know for sure.

At the end of the day, Christmas is only one day that has been far too commercialised and puts stress and worry and causes sadness for so many people.

Look after yourself and I hope you do find something to raise a little smile on Christmas Day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For a few reasons - I was dreading it. Then I wasn’t. Then I was dreading it again …

But now, I’ve got a day I can manage well with distractions, and a Boxing Day I can manage.

I hope you get through it without too much sadness. What you’re dealing with must be hard anytime of year, but it being Xmas probably adds more weight.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Sorry to hear that op. Would your mum be disappointed if you didn't join her for lunch?

I'm not particularly looking forward to Christmas day itself. Mr N will do a thirty mile trip to pick my dad up while I get the turkey on we'll spend the day with him and take him home in the evening, have a drink with him them come back here.

I think we see all the hype around the day, everyone seems to be having lovely family days and enjoying themselves and it sets up expectations. Unfortunately it isn't like that for many of us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't really have any constructive advice to give but hugs OP. I hope the day doesn't go as bad as you think it will. With your Mum's health issues, I think it brighten her day spending it with you and the people she loves, along with your Dad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ok, so I know I'm probably one of the "ignorant" people.

But to me, Christmas is what you make it. It's not the huge family affairs or the expensive gifts. For me its the little things.

I actually find Christmas really hard for a few reasons, but I still love it. Personally I think if you go into it thinking it's gonna be shit, it probably will be. I wouldn't shut yourself away op, life's hard anytime of year. Sometimes we just have to focus on the good things.

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By *zero OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Sorry to hear that op. Would your mum be disappointed if you didn't join her for lunch?

I think we see all the hype around the day, everyone seems to be having lovely family days and enjoying themselves and it sets up expectations. Unfortunately it isn't like that for many of us.

Probably a little, but she's really close with my aunts and she's been asked for Christmas Dinner in previous years.

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By *BWLOVER1965Man
over a year ago

Ipswich

"Sorry for the doom and gloom but hey ho.

Any other fabbers apprehensive about the big day?"

Good Morning not apprehensive but not looking forward to it to be fair most Christmas days have been disappointing and let down hope everyone has fabulous Xmas and new year

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel the same.

I lost my dad on Tuesday morning so dealing with that.

Anything christmasy I do will be for my kids benifit this year not my own

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Sorry to hear that op. Would your mum be disappointed if you didn't join her for lunch?

I think we see all the hype around the day, everyone seems to be having lovely family days and enjoying themselves and it sets up expectations. Unfortunately it isn't like that for many of us.

Probably a little, but she's really close with my aunts and she's been asked for Christmas Dinner in previous years."

I think sometimes you need to weigh up what's best for you against what's best for someone else.

I'm pretty sure that your mum would want you to do what's best for yourself.

Whatever you decide I hope next year is better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’ll be alone this year. Well, alone with the doggos

I’ll pop next door for a drinky and watch Christmas movies, eat a nice lunch and enjoy it! Probably be on here cheering everyone up

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I feel the same.

I lost my dad on Tuesday morning so dealing with that.

Anything christmasy I do will be for my kids benifit this year not my own"

How are you doing?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel the same.

I lost my dad on Tuesday morning so dealing with that.

Anything christmasy I do will be for my kids benifit this year not my own"

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By *zero OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

"I feel the same.

I lost my dad on Tuesday morning so dealing with that.

Anything christmasy I do will be for my kids benifit this year not my own"

So sorry to hear this

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By *eliusMan
over a year ago

Henlow

No, I love Xmas, but it nearly always proves to be an anticlimax, but it do understand how others are not that enthralled.

I’m also deeply sorry for your dad’s dementia. It’s a fucked evil disease that robs the individual of the life they’ve lived and destroys the memories built with others. My mother had it. She would spend hours a day sitting with a face mask on complaining about the air and accusing me of all sorts of things. That was late 2019 and then look what happened in 2020!!

There is medication that helps a little, I hope your father is getting it. Also, make time for yourself as it will run you ragged, don’t be too proud to get help and celebrate the good days, cos their will be some, a lucid spark that suddenly lights up the gloom.

I wish you and your parents well.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"No, I love Xmas, but it nearly always proves to be an anticlimax, but it do understand how others are not that enthralled.

I wish you and your parents well."

Excellent and compassionate advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every Christmas I spend away from my family is a bit tough.

Hugs!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel the same.

I lost my dad on Tuesday morning so dealing with that.

Anything christmasy I do will be for my kids benifit this year not my own

How are you doing?"

I'm still here pissing people off so that's a good sign

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I feel the same.

I lost my dad on Tuesday morning so dealing with that.

Anything christmasy I do will be for my kids benifit this year not my own

How are you doing?

I'm still here pissing people off so that's a good sign "

Do what you need to do.

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By *obilebottomMan
over a year ago

All over

Sorry to hear about the health issues OP and dementia is a horrendous and difficult condition and wishing you the strength to deal with all of that.

Generally though, there is no need for all the extra pressure. Being with family, friends and loved ones is what it is all about. We can all be here one day and gone tomorrow. I do lots of stuff for others on xmas day but that is because I enjoy it. Also this year I want it to be very special (still low key) for someone who is not in a very good place and needs some care and distraction. It's all about love and the little things that make someone feel a bit special. (And the food of course, but that is just me

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure how to feel about it this year. First Christmas single in 16 years so it's probably going to be a weird day for me but I've got my family around me. It's just one day but people put a lot of pressure on it to be so happy when some of us just ain't in that place.

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By *S chanel demarTV/TS
over a year ago

peterborough

The last 6 years I have shitmss alone for various reasons. I do make an effort, and I do have my doggy who is my world for company.....

Your not alone if this time of year is difficult for you.....xx

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire

"Sorry to hear about the health issues OP and dementia is a horrendous and difficult condition and wishing you the strength to deal with all of that.

)

"
.... abs spot on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Up to five years ago Christmas was family time as the dutiful son. Some of them I enjoyed, most I did not. I had to be on tender hooks about what I said, felt like an outsider and couldn't afford.

This year will be first since losing dad and my first in Birmingham by myself, sandwiched between a visit to Ireland and Spain to fulfill family duties and stress myself out.

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By *uri00620Woman
over a year ago

Croydon

Not apprehensive but I haven't done Christmas in any capacity since I was a teenager

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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago

london stratford

"Sorry for the doom and gloom but hey ho.

Any other fabbers apprehensive about the big day?"

I feel your pain and anguish mate.

I have no family in the UK (Ok a 1/2 sister but we never talk). The rest of my real family are in Israel and with all the tensions over there right now, I constantly worry for them.

being an unemployed bum does not help, so for me its Christmas at home alone with my cat/ being single and alone this time of year does really suck!

But lets all look forward to a better one next year

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Christmas isn’t the same for me since I split from my ex, she doesn’t let me have him Christmas Day so I have to make the most of the dates I have him around Christmas, this year I wanted to take him to a VIP Santa day as few days before Christmas and my answer was no. I love seeing everyone enjoying the time, for me, I’m just glad I’m working over the bulk of the holidays and I’ll be happier once it’s done I think

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lost my long term gf on Christmas day 1986. Got the call from the hospital

It's just another day for me now. I Never celebrate it

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By *ullyMan
over a year ago

Near Clacton

It's another even more lonely time for me as I have no relatives save my son who will be on the other side of the pond. Newly moved here so no friends, and of course No fun as all of on here and F G will be having "family time". So have a good one and make them most of it.

I'll have egg on toast for xmas dinner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hear ya OP, and others that struggle at Christmas.

I can empathise, I have a Dad with dementia and currently hospitalised, a Father in law deep in chemo at the moment and expected to be unwell at Christmas, and I’ve lost 2 very close family members a few days before Christmas (separately and a few years apart) so the anniversaries are at the festive time.

This year it’s unlikely we’ll have a “traditional” family Christmas and it’s very likely to be a quiet and reasonably lonely (just me and Mrs Berks) Christmas Day.

I absolutely understand it when people struggle, particularly with loss, over the festive season. And I understand that people grieve in different ways.

For me, I know my lost family members wouldn’t want me to sad and down at Christmas, they would want me to enjoy it nevertheless. Gawd only knows life is depressing enough as it is so during the festive season I will try and enjoy myself as much as I can, celebrate, and raise a glass and toast to those no longer with us.

As I say, I appreciate not everyone is able to do this, but it’s kind of my own defence mechanism to try and retain the joy in the festive season and not contemplate and get down about what I’ve lost, and smile when reminiscing about the good times.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Sorry for the doom and gloom but hey ho.

Any other fabbers apprehensive about the big day?"

Hugs xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok, so I know I'm probably one of the "ignorant" people.

But to me, Christmas is what you make it. It's not the huge family affairs or the expensive gifts. For me its the little things.

The best advice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ok, so I know I'm probably one of the "ignorant" people.

But to me, Christmas is what you make it. It's not the huge family affairs or the expensive gifts. For me its the little things.

Agree with you here! I’ve said in another post above ^ that I do understand why many do struggle at Christmas, and don’t want to belittle those raw emotions in any way.

But I guess we all have bad things and loss happen in our lives, we can let those things destroy us and grind us down, or try and make the best out the situation we are in.

I love Christmas, always have and even though they will never be the same as they were I’m not going to let the shit that life throws at us ruin that if I can.

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By *apnDomMan
over a year ago

London | Belfast

"Sorry for the doom and gloom but hey ho.

Any other fabbers apprehensive about the big day?"

This thread feels like oversharing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always a massive and expensive anti climax...glad when it's over.

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

"Sorry for the doom and gloom but hey ho.

Any other fabbers apprehensive about the big day?

This thread feels like oversharing."

Well pass on by then

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By *zero OP Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

"Sorry for the doom and gloom but hey ho.

Any other fabbers apprehensive about the big day?

This thread feels like oversharing."

It most likely is. But I felt like sharing it and striking up a conversation amongst people who may be in a similar position because I find it easier to do so on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Always a massive and expensive anti climax...glad when it's over."

But it doesn't have to be, only you can make it like that.

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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago

Maidstone

"Ok, so I know I'm probably one of the "ignorant" people.

But to me, Christmas is what you make it. It's not the huge family affairs or the expensive gifts. For me its the little things.

I like the way you think lady ...

As part of the LGBTQ+ community we make up what we mean by "tradition" and "family"...

I've spent many a Christmas in hotels (very cheap!) in Brighton. There are many pubs or hotel restaurants that open for Christmas dinner (book early!) and you can't beat a post dinner walk along the seafront...

Boxing Day sales ... Here I come!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel the same.

I lost my dad on Tuesday morning so dealing with that.

Anything christmasy I do will be for my kids benifit this year not my own

How are you doing?

I'm still here pissing people off so that's a good sign

Do what you need to do. "

I just need to avoid getting banned

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I don't really have any feelings about Christmas. I've had some shit Christmas's. Christmas day I will pop to my mums for dinner then come straight home.

Boxing day will be nice as my son, partner and kids are coming over

I don't put any decorations up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't like Christmas.

It's nice because most are off work and can spend time together, but to me it's just a grand event leading to another year of my life over.

If you have kids I can imagine it's much better - the fun and excitement. As a singleton with no kids it's just shit. And cold.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't like Christmas.

It's nice because most are off work and can spend time together, but to me it's just a grand event leading to another year of my life over.

If you have kids I can imagine it's much better - the fun and excitement. As a singleton with no kids it's just shit. And cold."

We should start a fab Christmas social

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't like Christmas.

It's nice because most are off work and can spend time together, but to me it's just a grand event leading to another year of my life over.

If you have kids I can imagine it's much better - the fun and excitement. As a singleton with no kids it's just shit. And cold.

We should start a fab Christmas social

Hah! I've never done a social on all my years here... it's a nice idea though.

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

My mum died in October so it's the first one without her, oddly though I am looking forward to it.

We aren't having a roast this year as to be honest we aren't huge fans of it so why bother. I'm taking all the pressure off the day, we will each eat our favourite meal and do whatever we really enjoy doing.

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