FabSwingers.com forum: I am asking for some online bravery please

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Tomorrow I have someone coming here to talk about ASB. It's the first visitor coming into my personal space in a couple of years and I've been having anxiety for the last 3 days. I've rubbed and scratched my hands and wrists in anxiety that I'm sore.

But I have to allow them in.

I'm asking for some advice and some positive thoughts willed through the power of fab lol so I don't freak out/hyperventilate/throw up on this person

Please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's ASB, antisocial behaviour? Have you tried parasympathetic breathing when you feel anxious?

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By *ags73Man
over a year ago

glasgow-ish

Can only suggest maybe trying controlled breathing, should be stuff about it online that’s better than me describing it and getting it wrong.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

You can do this. It's really important because if you can put an end to the ASB it will make a massive difference. What time do we need to send the strength vibes?

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By *aggonerMan
over a year ago

for a penny

Have someone with you when they call?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I shall start vibing at 7am for you

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By *nebworthMan
over a year ago

Knebworth

The very best of luck to you. Hope things work out. The NHS website has advice, so all I will send is positive thoughts. You are a lovely person, there is nothing disastrous about which to worry, so it should all go well. I am sure everyone will be understanding.

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By *isalionessWoman
over a year ago

wigan

Thinking of doing this for myself ...writing down good Happy thoughts of things that make me smile..writing just a sentence or two on some cards ...when a negative thought hits ..pull one out ..like having a pack of playing cards but with good stuff ..just an idea ..Good luck

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

We all believe in you OP. We know this because we've seen your interactions, humour, cute quirkiness and kindness on the forå. So wishing you all the luck and best wishes and oodles of p+sitivity! (poppy

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"I shall start vibing at 7am for you

Not that kind of ‘vibe’, Fluffy. Filthy mare.

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By *ookie46Woman
over a year ago

Deepest darkest Peru

My son rubs his skin till it’s raw when he’s very anxious and it’s painful so I can empathise OP

I’ll be sending you positive vibes tomorrow OP, you’ve got this x

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

I remember the last time you thought you “couldn’t “ and yet you did.

You are so much stronger than you know. We’re all here rooting for you.

I believe in you. We believe in you. Now it’s up to you to believe in you.

Big hugs xx

(Inbox open as always)

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I remember the last time you thought you “couldn’t “ and yet you did.

You are so much stronger than you know. We’re all here rooting for you.

I believe in you. We believe in you. Now it’s up to you to believe in you.

Big hugs xx

(Inbox open as always)"

Yeah, SS. You DIDN'T cross the street on your walk the other day, you kept right on.

You've got this, you've broken through all sorts of obstacles in recent weeks and months. This is just another stepping stone on the way.

We're rooting for you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You got this and you will smash it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I'll answer all in one lol

I do try to deep breath in nose out mouth and sometimes it works but that's me on my own. I don't know if I can control it with someone in my space but will try.

I have no one, I'm completely on my own with no GP support. Plus panic with one person, 2 people would be out of the question currently.

I know I have to try, I know once the person is here I should be OK. My mind says this.... my bodily functions say toilet.

It's at midday. Frustrated I don't have a specific time but I've wrote out what I need to say, and lack of actual time when I've specifically requested date and time because I'm anal for details will be addressed.

So,thank you, and I am being very sincere that I'm crying at the support (what a wimp)

I hopefully will feel the (cheekily asked for) positive vibes at midday

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'll answer all in one lol

I do try to deep breath in nose out mouth and sometimes it works but that's me on my own. I don't know if I can control it with someone in my space but will try.

I have no one, I'm completely on my own with no GP support. Plus panic with one person, 2 people would be out of the question currently.

I know I have to try, I know once the person is here I should be OK. My mind says this.... my bodily functions say toilet.

So,thank you, and I am being very sincere that I'm crying at the support (what a wimp)

I hopefully will feel the (cheekily asked for) positive vibes at midday

Thank you x"

Have you considered just handing over the note and asking for the answers to be written, just in case your mind goes? I used to do it when dealing with medical appointments for relatives as needed to relay the information elsewhere.

Hope you can find a way of talking to your GP about it, too. You don't deserve to exist like this, it's not fair.

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By *eliusMan
over a year ago

Henlow

"I'll answer all in one lol

I do try to deep breath in nose out mouth and sometimes it works but that's me on my own. I don't know if I can control it with someone in my space but will try.

I have no one, I'm completely on my own with no GP support. Plus panic with one person, 2 people would be out of the question currently.

I know I have to try, I know once the person is here I should be OK. My mind says this.... my bodily functions say toilet.

So,thank you, and I am being very sincere that I'm crying at the support (what a wimp)

I hopefully will feel the (cheekily asked for) positive vibes at midday

Thank you x"

The breathing is good you just need to tweak it a bit. When you breathe in make it slow and deep for a count of 6 then exhale for a a count of four. This will cause you to actively concentrate on a specific task and help your sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) to calm down. It takes practice and requires perseverance. Think of it as a distraction technique for the part of your brain that’s designed to protect you but is being a little over zealous.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I hope it all goes well

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By *arl17Man
over a year ago

Central Portugal

"I hope it all goes well

Ditto

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By *ylonseeker2023Man
over a year ago

Harwich

I'm not quite understanding what it is you are up against. "ASB" = Antisocial behaviour, I assume. Someone coming to see you about this. OK....

This sounds like you may have become a victim..

I don't know as I stated and you may not wish to elaborate as it's already making you anxious! I hear you.

As already mentioned above, Google may well have answers as to strategies to calm a little and give you strength, even motivation to withstand inner pressures.

Even reaching out here and knowing there are folk who care about others and their fears has taken the edge off the matter a little.

My mother would say something to me as a kid, it has stuck with me;

...."things will look differently tomorrow morning....

It's true ... night the mind starts to go over things and process. This can be agonising. Yet, in the morning, as the day starts with all its routines, things often don't seem as bad, as daunting, etc. etc.

Believe in yourself, think of all the hurdles you have overcome.....also, it's normal to feel some anxiety, "some"....

My door, inbox is always open. It may be something you feel is more a matter you would rather face with female help...I believe you had another such inbox offer.

Good luck and well done in going "outwards" rather than suffering in silence x

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By *oofy321Man
over a year ago

moon base zero

Hi op,could you meet outside? I mean front garden or something? I wish you luck and remember people here will be thinking and backing you if needed x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Tomorrow I have someone coming here to talk about ASB. It's the first visitor coming into my personal space in a couple of years and I've been having anxiety for the last 3 days. I've rubbed and scratched my hands and wrists in anxiety that I'm sore.

But I have to allow them in.

I'm asking for some advice and some positive thoughts willed through the power of fab lol so I don't freak out/hyperventilate/throw up on this person

Please

Hello OP.might be too late but look up Marcus Aurelius on YouTube. Really helped me through a tough time.

I needed mental health issues sorting and this helped me

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By *lexm87Man
over a year ago

Various

Please find some middle of the night calm and tranquility attached [ ].

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By *eliciousDiva69Woman
over a year ago

Schitts Creek

I have a safe place where I take myself to in times of heightened anxiety, it’s something that took me a long time to figure out so won’t necessarily be helpful for you today, but worth exploring for future times of anxiety perhaps? My inbox is open if you want to know more.

In the meantime I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way (and not just midday because I know the build up is usually as bad if not worse than the actual thing), you got this!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'll answer all in one lol

I do try to deep breath in nose out mouth and sometimes it works but that's me on my own. I don't know if I can control it with someone in my space but will try.

I have no one, I'm completely on my own with no GP support. Plus panic with one person, 2 people would be out of the question currently.

I know I have to try, I know once the person is here I should be OK. My mind says this.... my bodily functions say toilet.

So,thank you, and I am being very sincere that I'm crying at the support (what a wimp)

I hopefully will feel the (cheekily asked for) positive vibes at midday

Thank you x"

You‘ve got this,

good vibes.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Have you tried an elastic band ob your wrist and pinged it against your skin instead of wringing your hands raw.

You get some sensory feedback without the damage and it can ping enough to snap you out of the panic. My son uses it when he gets super anxious and helps him.

He is the same with the rubbing of his main and picking at himself.

I hope it goes well and good luck.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

You have come so far, you can do this next important step. Keep all doors inside open, have a fidget toy to distract the brain from fleeing, playdough, blue tack, anything squishy. If you have none, use washing up liquid in a food bag. Tell the person you have anxiety as soon as you can and writing down your points was an awesome idea, I'd also write down the person's points, so you can remember what they said, incase your mind does do a brain fog after, writing is also a focusing/fidget tool. Positive thoughts are with you lovely xxx

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By *hromosexualsCouple
over a year ago

Near Abercynon

Fab at its best here, we are all in your corner.

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By *olf and RedCouple
over a year ago

Nr Cardiff or at Chams Darlaston

OP- you’ve got this. I’m guessing you’re the victim of the ASB , so you’ve been brave to report it. You’ve said they can’t give a specific time, I wondered if you called them this morning if they may have a more definite timescale. When they arrive, you could just give them the piece of paper with your notes on and that could be the platform for your conversation.

If they need to visit again, if you felt comfortable, you could tell them you need a set time for this. Due to anxiety. They should note this and accommodate it where possible.

Sending lots of positive vibes.

Red x

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By *unsexual MemelordWoman
over a year ago

Midlothian

From one supremely socially anxious mouse to another, I'm thinking hopeful thoughts for you. Our rational mind says things will be fine, the visit won't last that long, you can relax after, but the irrational mind has to panic first, it's so frustrating! The lack of support on that front is a nightmare too. I feel you, and what you're feeling is absolutely valid. You'll make it through today like you've made it through every other, you're a resilient badass even if it doesn't feel like it just now.

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

Don't have advice, just all the positive stuff for ya.

You're pretty cool and I hope it goes okay, pal

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

Bumping for good thoughts for my friend

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

Big love for you today, SuperShy. We’re all thinking of you.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Hey Super, I really hope it goes well for you today! Let us know how you get on and sending you positive thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey Super, I really hope it goes well for you today! Let us know how you get on and sending you positive thoughts.

From me too..

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Transsexual Transylvania

Go Shy!

Just remember - WWBD (What Would Buffy Do?).

You'll be great.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I shall start vibing at 7am for you

What with?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck with the visitor today. I suspect it’ll go far better than your mind will allow you to believe it at this moment.

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

Good luck xxx

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Hope it goes well. You should explain how your nerves have been affected and how many times they have been reported. Try to keep cool throughout - even if they try to fob it off.

Tenants have a contract with their landlord for acceptable behaviour (think noise, dr*gs, arguments, fights, damage) for the state or repair and upkeep of their home (think vermin, cleanliness, breakages) and are responsible for the behaviour of people that visit. There is a social contract (not to intimidate or antagonise, enforced by the police), though if they or their visitors have been reported, the council are responsible for following up and enforcing behaviour, otherwise they could be seen to be legitimising it.

There are big pushes to curb asb at the mo.

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By *panksspankedMan
over a year ago

Edinburgh

If there is still time, write down all the incidents of ASB you can remember with as much detail as possible. This will enable you to give the visitor the information they need to help you. If there are specific reasons why you are particularly affected by this it's helpful to let them know that too. The person coming will be wanting to help you and should be sympathetic to you and your situation.

Oh and have a hug from me too

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

I've chatted with SuperShy. Our bravery vibes worked and she had the meeting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've chatted with SuperShy. Our bravery vibes worked and she had the meeting.

Thanks for the update

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By *affeine DuskMan
over a year ago

Caerphilly

"I've chatted with SuperShy. Our bravery vibes worked and she had the meeting.

That is ace news

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

"I've chatted with SuperShy. Our bravery vibes worked and she had the meeting.

•

She's "Super" for a reason.

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By *loss aka Miss JonesWoman
over a year ago

south coast IOW

Glad it happened and you got through it. Sending best wishes that it helps in the future xxxx

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"I've chatted with SuperShy. Our bravery vibes worked and she had the meeting.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I've chatted with SuperShy. Our bravery vibes worked and she had the meeting.

Absolutely splendid news

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

Southampton

Hope all went well x

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By *eliciousDiva69Woman
over a year ago

Schitts Creek

"I've chatted with SuperShy. Our bravery vibes worked and she had the meeting.

Love this so much! Well done SS!

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By *arl17Man
over a year ago

Central Portugal

"I've chatted with SuperShy. Our bravery vibes worked and she had the meeting.

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By *rsMistyPeaksWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"I've chatted with SuperShy. Our bravery vibes worked and she had the meeting.

Yay

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Transsexual Transylvania

"I've chatted with SuperShy. Our bravery vibes worked and she had the meeting.

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

"I've chatted with SuperShy. Our bravery vibes worked and she had the meeting.

Well done SS!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hey all

Thanks for the kind posts

It didn't go great, my head was fucked from the person turning up an hour and a half early which i found disrespectful as I'd made very clear several times in emails I need to plan and dates and times and get out of whack if its changed. She laughed, brushing over my thoughts like I'm nothing.

But they are returning next week. I shall be more prepared having met them now, with a determination to not be laughed at.

I needed from yesterday til now to calm

But I wanted to thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hey all

Thanks for the kind posts

But they are returning next week. I shall be more prepared having met them now, with a determination to not be laughed at.

I needed from yesterday til now to calm

But I wanted to thank you x"

Sending hugs

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

"Hey all

Thanks for the kind posts

But they are returning next week. I shall be more prepared having met them now, with a determination to not be laughed at.

I needed from yesterday til now to calm

But I wanted to thank you x"

That bit wasn't my tale to tell

I think you were amazing even going ahead with the meeting after her early arrival!

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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

When you see her next time, tell her you are recording the next meeting.

The housing ombudsman is a step on from this should it not get resolved, as is contacting your MP over the service you've received from the authority. Letting the ASB rep know these are steps you are prepared to take may have them do more than buff it off.

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