FabSwingers.com forum: The less desirable traits...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

When it comes to meeting people here - are you here for the fantasy element? I've been talking to a friend today about honesty, whether it's a good or bad thing sometimes.

Would someone opening up about MH issues, discussing jealousy or previous issues etc turn you off?

Do you prefer to keep things very simple and sex based or do you enjoy getting to know a person, warts and all?

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

It's a tricky one for me it varies, some people can open up about all that stuff and it will make me more fond of them, others it'll put me off so I can't say either way.

I guess it's more what comes out their mouth when they do open up, do I agree? Do I think their being harsh/entitled?(especially past fab issues) it can be both a turn on and off totally depending on the individual.

I do have a need to get to know people and I absolutely detest small talk so some conversation on a personal level is needed to get any attention from me but I don't expect deep in depth conversations either that are overly personal.

So yeah short answer is both.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When it comes to meeting people here - are you here for the fantasy element? I've been talking to a friend today about honesty, whether it's a good or bad thing sometimes.

Would someone opening up about MH issues, discussing jealousy or previous issues etc turn you off?

Do you prefer to keep things very simple and sex based or do you enjoy getting to know a person, warts and all?"

MH issues is an instant no from me

Billions of people on the planet, I’ll avoid the ones that tell me they’re unstable

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there’s a line between telling someone enough and telling them too much

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By *agebunWoman
over a year ago

Rugby

"When it comes to meeting people here - are you here for the fantasy element? I've been talking to a friend today about honesty, whether it's a good or bad thing sometimes.

Would someone opening up about MH issues, discussing jealousy or previous issues etc turn you off?

Do you prefer to keep things very simple and sex based or do you enjoy getting to know a person, warts and all?"

I prefer to get to know people as that makes the sex better for me generally.

I try to be pretty open about my MH and ND stuff so I'm totally not bothered by people being open about theirs.

In terms of past issues with fab/other people, it kinda depends on what they are and how the person is approaching them.

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

"I think there’s a line between telling someone enough and telling them too much "

I didn't need to know all of this; it's enough to say there's a line

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think there’s a line between telling someone enough and telling them too much

I didn't need to know all of this; it's enough to say there's a line

Goon

You know what I mean tho, conversation takes it’s twists and turn naturally but it’s normal to not over share, especially if you’re just having a one off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Completely agree with this.

The reality is that 1 in 4 experience MH issues at some point, so it’s something we should all accept. If someone disclosed a MH issue, show empathy and kindness and be honest that it is or isn’t something you’d be able to support.

Ghosting someone after they’ve disclosed something personal to you has a huge, huge impact. Be kind

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no beef with people opening up about MH. It helps to talk, especially if depressed, if I can listen and let someone unload then that’s a good thing. There’s been plenty of times where I’ve needed an ear and nobody offered to help me.

If someone is offended or upset by MH issues then that’s a failing in their part.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Completely agree with this.

Ghosting someone after they’ve disclosed something personal to you has a huge, huge impact. Be kind

I once told someone I’d been chatting to in here for a while that I was struggling one particular day, and could use a friend - they blocked me. It really impacted me, mainly because I was in a bad way at that moment.

Now I realise that they weren’t worth the steam off my piss.

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By *ornywelsh2sumCouple
over a year ago

Neath valley.

"I think there’s a line between telling someone enough and telling them too much "

Exactly this

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By *illy IdolMan
over a year ago

Midlands

"Completely agree with this.

Ghosting someone after they’ve disclosed something personal to you has a huge, huge impact. Be kind

This basically. I'd rather get to know them.

Also a freak on the streets is a freak in the sheets.

(Jokes obviously)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Completely agree with this.

Ghosting someone after they’ve disclosed something personal to you has a huge, huge impact. Be kind

Now I realise that they weren’t worth the steam off my piss."

Exactly this. It’s funny, only those unfortunate enough to experience MH issues understand the massive impact someone seemingly distant can have.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

I shall name each and everyone of your warts, and give them little lives and backstories.

Okay not quite that much but I need to feel comfortable and friendly enough with somebody.

But I do need to find you hot and attractive to me - don't care what youself or others think of you, so long as I do.

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By *ootnootboopCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

Very much a similar standpoint to us...

We're open about ourselves in terms of being always happy to answer people's questions and sometimes that morphs into a conversation about some of the more "difficult" conversations. However we feel that if it makes another person more comfortable to have shared that information then we're happy to listen. The same would go the other way too..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Completely agree with this.

Ghosting someone after they’ve disclosed something personal to you has a huge, huge impact. Be kind

Out of interest then, how would someone that’s not interested in someone with MH issues react if told?

Just politely say “not my type” and not mention the MH reasons I’d guess?

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It's a tricky one for me it varies, some people can open up about all that stuff and it will make me more fond of them, others it'll put me off so I can't say either way.

So yeah short answer is both.

Mrs "

I can understand that. It depends on the dynamic between you doesn't it? Sometimes it feels right and other times it can be a bit much.

Small talk is inane. Dull. I'm always a tad tempted to throw something in to just spice it up a bit.

I don't think there's a clear cut answer to it, really.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

I like to get to know someone. That means knowing their demons and I’m down for it.

Different in clubs where you don’t know each other yet but if we keep in touch and it becomes a repeat, sure.

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By *ootnootboopCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

I often believe that it's those who have mental health issues are the strongest people. They have to wake up and face the world with their unique difficulties and that's something that takes real strength.

Mental health problems are more common than ever and I feel we should be making every effort possible to destigmatize and open up avenues of discussion about them

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By *oldyoudown41Man
over a year ago

caledonian

This is more of an escape from reality and for those moments together you can just forget about everything and get lost .. strictly fantasy only , yes you will get to know certain things but it’s ultimately fantasy

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"When it comes to meeting people here - are you here for the fantasy element? I've been talking to a friend today about honesty, whether it's a good or bad thing sometimes.

Would someone opening up about MH issues, discussing jealousy or previous issues etc turn you off?

Do you prefer to keep things very simple and sex based or do you enjoy getting to know a person, warts and all?

MH issues is an instant no from me

Billions of people on the planet, I’ll avoid the ones that tell me they’re unstable "

That's fair enough really. Everyone has their no's and not respecting that is dickish. You don't know why someone does.

I wouldn't say people who have MH issues are necessarily unstable but that's a whole other thread.

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By *tanley FunseekerMan
over a year ago

stanley

Difficult one this. I will try and explain my viewpoint without offending anyone.

I would find it odd and probably uncomfortable if someone opened up on mental health issues in the first few interactions. But I wouldn’t immediately cut them off.

Equally if someone I have had multiple interactions with over a period of time felt comfortable enough or trusted me enough to open up on something that deeply personal. I would support them as far as I can. I would absolutely not cut them off just for that.

Everyone has lived a life , has scars, visible or otherwise, just because this is a swinging site doesn’t mean we shouldn’t treat people we interact with here with any less respect, understanding or compassion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When it comes to meeting people here - are you here for the fantasy element? I've been talking to a friend today about honesty, whether it's a good or bad thing sometimes.

Would someone opening up about MH issues, discussing jealousy or previous issues etc turn you off?

Do you prefer to keep things very simple and sex based or do you enjoy getting to know a person, warts and all?

MH issues is an instant no from me

Billions of people on the planet, I’ll avoid the ones that tell me they’re unstable

That's fair enough really. Everyone has their no's and not respecting that is dickish. You don't know why someone does.

I wouldn't say people who have MH issues are necessarily unstable but that's a whole other thread."

I might be over reading things here, but if someone feels the need to tell me that have MH issues before we’ve met then I’m gonna assume they’re bad enough to be considered unstable

Because let’s be honest, we all have MH issues. But there’s “occasionally I feel anxious but it’s fine really” issues and “my issues are so bad I feel the need to warn people before I meet them” issues

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By *lym4realCouple
over a year ago

plymouth

We both prefer to get to know others BUT we don't want to know everything and always good to engage in a wide ranging conversation though as we do find that people who have outside interests and not their whole life/free time is taken up with fab and the quest for sex make for better playmates ?? and some level of honesty is appreciated though and anyway always good to share experiences about the scene and maybe have a laugh aswell and great sex always starts in the brain plus Mrs4 is of the firm belief that a brain is not a optional extra either !! and as for MH issues as we say if you haven't experienced any MH issues you are indeed very very very lucky/unusual and always good to know there is someone willing to listen ?? but sadly a fair few care very little about anyone apart from their overwhelming desire to get some "Action" and if that does involve lying and using and abusing people ??

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire

Keep it simply unless it's a one off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Completely agree with this.

Ghosting someone after they’ve disclosed something personal to you has a huge, huge impact. Be kind

Out of interest then, how would someone that’s not interested in someone with MH issues react if told?

Just politely say “not my type” and not mention the MH reasons I’d guess? "

I think that depends on the situation. If you’ve been chatting for a while before it’s disclosed, using the “not my type” line isn’t going to work.

I’d much prefer someone to say something like “I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time. I don’t have the knowledge to help you. Please talk to someone who can give you better advice”

The example above won’t be perfect for everyone. The key is empathy. Put yourself in the shoes (or less!) off the person you’re talking to and re-read your message, or double check your action before you do it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Completely agree with this.

Ghosting someone after they’ve disclosed something personal to you has a huge, huge impact. Be kind

Out of interest then, how would someone that’s not interested in someone with MH issues react if told?

Just politely say “not my type” and not mention the MH reasons I’d guess?

I think that depends on the situation. If you’ve been chatting for a while before it’s disclosed, using the “not my type” line isn’t going to work.

I’d much prefer someone to say something like “I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time. I don’t have the knowledge to help you. Please talk to someone who can give you better advice”

I think that’s a good answer to a difficult situation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not here for fantasy and temporary pleasure. Or "fun" as it's usually called here. I think most people are looking for that on Fab.

I'm here for connection, so I'd want to share things about myself and for them to feel happy doing the same. You open yourself up to people to establish a deeper intimacy. That's my theory, anyway.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When it comes to meeting people here - are you here for the fantasy element? I've been talking to a friend today about honesty, whether it's a good or bad thing sometimes.

Would someone opening up about MH issues, discussing jealousy or previous issues etc turn you off?

Do you prefer to keep things very simple and sex based or do you enjoy getting to know a person, warts and all?"

Is this site a place for intimacy?The problem is that the panacea of no strings vicarious ironically sex comes with the problem of the reality of other people and the ick factor of needing people for the most fleeting of moments?

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I like to get to know someone, but not all at once. I don't need the cv, old school reports and doctors notes etc in the first message, for example.

I can't be *that* person for everyone though... the person who takes on all their shit. I used to try and it just started hurting me. Now I tend to step back and while I listen, and sympathise, or empathise, or both, I can't take on all the other people's problems and try and help.

But I like more than just the fantasy.

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By *ilsaGeorgeCouple
over a year ago

kent

In the past I wouldn’t have hesitated to say warts and all, but that doesn’t mean I would have shared everything about myself. There have been only a couple of people who I felt safe enough with to share the details of a traumatic experience, but doing so turned out to be a mistake, and I would be cautious about doing it again. Opening up completely makes you vulnerable. People are safe to do so with me. I’m good at keeping other people’s secrets even if I can’t offer much wisdom or help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like getting to know someone on more than just a surface level. I think once you get to learn about all that stuff you can start to build more of a connection with them.

It’s nice when someone feels comfortable enough to come to you when they’ve had a shit day or they need someone to vent to. I may not be the best at giving advice but I can listen.

I will say that constant negativity does wear you down after a while though and I think thats when you can start to go off a person.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

[Removed by poster at 06/11/23 13:23:57]

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Travelling

"I like getting to know someone on more than just a surface level. I think once you get to learn about all that stuff you can start to build more of a connection with them.

It’s nice when someone feels comfortable enough to come to you when they’ve had a shit day or they need someone to vent to. I may not be the best at giving advice but I can listen.

I will say that constant negativity does wear you down after a while though and I think thats when you can start to go off a person. "

Attacked!

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By *affron40Woman
over a year ago

manchester

People who are close to me get the whole me. I want the same in others. I dont need to know every detail of your life, but I want the honest, open, full self.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"People who are close to me get the whole me. I want the same in others. I dont need to know every detail of your life, but I want the honest, open, full self. "

I mean... you're OK with every detail, right? Or should I stop sending my daily schedule?

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By *aissez-faireMan
over a year ago

Right behind you…. Boo

Surely it all depends on the MH issue.

If someone is hearing voices telling them to kill and eat the immoral, then maybe I might swerve them.

If they have panic attics in crowded spaces or are struggling with job stress or the loss of a family member then I don’t think it really matters.

There are a lot better qualified people to talk to rather than the people on their website though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I like getting to know someone on more than just a surface level. I think once you get to learn about all that stuff you can start to build more of a connection with them.

It’s nice when someone feels comfortable enough to come to you when they’ve had a shit day or they need someone to vent to. I may not be the best at giving advice but I can listen.

I will say that constant negativity does wear you down after a while though and I think thats when you can start to go off a person.

Attacked!"

You cracked a smile yesterday, you’re safe. Just.

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By *imply DeeWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

It turns me on to get to know someone and the fact they can be as honest with me as they can. I like connections, conversations and deep emotions.

In fact, I couldn’t have sex just for the sake of sex, I need that deeper understanding of someone. Sex is much better that way.

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By *ora the explorerWoman
over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

It’s never just sex for me so I know the people I meet very well. I’ll be honest though and say yeah I’d avoid people with issues, this is like an escape for me. as some of you know I have to deal with some difficult stuff in everyday life. So nope, as uncaring as it may come across (and I’m far from uncaring) I don’t want or need it x

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

Miserable, anti men, negative, no sense of humour

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I like to know people but don't tell me your deepest secrets if you need support because I don't have the emotional capacity currently. I'll listen and empathise/sympathise but if you've just shared the details of a hurtful break up it's not going to make me feel libidinous

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By *ravelling_WilburyMan
over a year ago

Beverley

I'm starting to get to know a couple of people really well away from the inbox and I genuinely look forward to hearing from them. I'm a big sharer so I'm happy doing that, though I know it's not for everyone

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Completely agree with this.

Ghosting someone after they’ve disclosed something personal to you has a huge, huge impact. Be kind

Yes, definitely. I'm not really one for be kind but I think you can handle things with a basic level of respect for another human. If you're not able to support them that doesn't make you a bad person. Being honest is important in that situation.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When it comes to meeting people here - are you here for the fantasy element? I've been talking to a friend today about honesty, whether it's a good or bad thing sometimes.

Would someone opening up about MH issues, discussing jealousy or previous issues etc turn you off?

Do you prefer to keep things very simple and sex based or do you enjoy getting to know a person, warts and all?"

I need some chemistry due things to work and rather become friends random sex isn't my thing.

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By *agebunWoman
over a year ago

Rugby

"Completely agree with this.

Ghosting someone after they’ve disclosed something personal to you has a huge, huge impact. Be kind

Very much this, I don’t expect everyone I speak to about it to support me when I'm struggling. What I need from people is understanding more than anything, I have a pretty good support network in my life.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

"I like to know people but don't tell me your deepest secrets if you need support because I don't have the emotional capacity currently. I'll listen and empathise/sympathise but if you've just shared the details of a hurtful break up it's not going to make me feel libidinous "

This. Too much too soon and it gets overwhelming.

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else

"Completely agree with this.

Ghosting someone after they’ve disclosed something personal to you has a huge, huge impact. Be kind

THIS

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By *inky ChefMan
over a year ago

Norwich

Mostly sexual/fantasy, but 1 or 2 I'd like to know more of.

They stimulate my mind, not just my...

eyes.

Even some kind of twisted relationship is a possibility.

No HPV for me, thanks.

I had the all clear this year.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Apologies to the lady whose question I replied too-I didn’t realise I had sent it privately

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will say that constant negativity does wear you down after a while though and I think thats when you can start to go off a person. "

This!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Working in the profession is enough for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This. Too much too soon and it gets overwhelming."

Yes, agree.

Not interested in a constant conversation every time tell me and thats enough.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dishonesty and hiding you have a mental health condition sucks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Off to do my Cpi training

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

I respect and warm to people who are open/honest by nature. Who are not afraid to display their humanity and fragility. So on its own that is not a bad thing. Likewise I am comfortable doing the same and maybe an over sharer. And of course with MH it does help if you understand where the other person is coming from and their limitations or barriers.

However it depends of what they are expecting from me and what the want me to do with that information which is maybe the problem when talking in a casual/NSA environment. I am happy to talk to anyone and lend an ear. However I am here to seek my own light hearted adventures. I'm not here to be anyone's councillor or to take on the burden of their problems. So I think it is a bit inappropriate to dump all your problems onto some who did not sign up for that. Although I understand people's need for outlet this may not appropriate in a causal/NSA setting. And as others have said negativity (although may be perfectly valid and understandable) is not an attractive feature.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It depends on the relationship I have with the person. If its a regular arrangement its natural for you both to let your guard down and share deeper things about yourself. It's also important to have that knowledge just incase like me you are prone to disappear into a bubble now and again.

When it does happen naturally though it's a nice thing. We are all human at the end of the day and getting that support from someone you are already intimate with isn't a bad thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"When it comes to meeting people here - are you here for the fantasy element? I've been talking to a friend today about honesty, whether it's a good or bad thing sometimes.

Would someone opening up about MH issues, discussing jealousy or previous issues etc turn you off?

Do you prefer to keep things very simple and sex based or do you enjoy getting to know a person, warts and all?

MH issues is an instant no from me

Billions of people on the planet, I’ll avoid the ones that tell me they’re unstable "

Rules out 99% of fab then.

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By *edHeelsCplCouple
over a year ago

Kenilworth

"I think there’s a line between telling someone enough and telling them too much

Exactly this

Fully agree. A flavour of them is fine; But I don’t want a full life story.

If you see them multiple times and even start a social thing. You expect to learn more. But if it’s one off then i’m not there to learn about your ex’s and your nextdoor neighbours dog!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All I want is someone I can talk crap with for hours.

I don't need to know your personal circumstances, your job, your life goals. I don't even need to know your name. Just be someone I get on with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All I want is someone I can talk crap with for hours.

I don't need to know your personal circumstances, your job, your life goals. I don't even need to know your name. Just be someone I get on with.

I’m all for this. Good company is everything. I’m all up for trying!

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

With someone I have clicked with and we get on as friends first and foremost and the benefits are just a bonus I've no issue discussing everything and anything and being supportive.

With random people I've only had a passing friendship with not a chance because there are too many "nice" people just stockpiling ammo to use against others.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I think I need to see the real person to an extent. And that means the good, the bad and the ugly. Else for me it a bit one night stand vibes, which I get is desirable for some. Just it's not for me, nobody's perfect and that's good with me.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

If it dominated every meet that would be tough. If itv is occasional i think it brings you closer. Though if it revealed something about himself that was awful that to would put me right off.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"When it comes to meeting people here - are you here for the fantasy element? I've been talking to a friend today about honesty, whether it's a good or bad thing sometimes.

Would someone opening up about MH issues, discussing jealousy or previous issues etc turn you off?

Do you prefer to keep things very simple and sex based or do you enjoy getting to know a person, warts and all?"

Like anyone else , I am all things. There is no need to choose.

Esentially and initially I was here for nsa sex and if anyone had mentioned past meets, jealousies, other emotions , mental health issues - I'd have dropped them faster than hot coals.

If it's someone I met a few times / got to know etc and they confided in me - i'd feel I knew them more and value their honesty and then drop them faster than hot coals !

JOKE! I'm more likely to feel I know them , trust them and more likely to call them friend ( after eons... that is )

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

[Removed by poster at 06/11/23 16:52:29]

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I find honesty and psychological intimacy very attractive. Completely at the opposite end of the spectrum to bullshitters and braggers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like opening up about things, once you’ve got to know someone. I’m not here to just fuck random strangers, I’d like to put a face/personality to them and sometimes first. If someone opens up about issues, then I’d listen to them. Because I’d like if someone did that for me.

Although recently I opened up about something impacting my life, to someone who I thought was a friend here. And his reaction wasn’t what I thought it would be, which upset me.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I'll keep the fantasy thanks Meli. I've done the MH friends and meets and have been burned many times. I'm fed up of being disposable to them. So, at arms length is where they will stay

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If prefer not to invalidate their feelings and show empathy. If they revealed a MH or ND side, again I'd be understanding. I'd rather people shared so I knew them and who they are and why. Personally I find it kind of odd if someone can't share certain aspects of themselves but can engage in sex and the intimacies that come with it. I think if you shut someone off when they've shared that and it's too much trouble for you you're quite an arsehole and it's very damaging to them. You don't know what people have been through. Where's the sense of decency?

We should be kind to one another and accept everyone is different and not judge others on what they share or not. It's up to them if they want to share it. They should never feel like they shouldn't. And they should never feel a rejection if they do. And if someone's shares things with you why not see the compliment that it is that they feel comfortable to do so with you rather than being an arsehole.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'll keep the fantasy thanks Meli. I've done the MH friends and meets and have been burned many times. I'm fed up of being disposable to them. So, at arms length is where they will stay

Disposable.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Unless I'm actually seeing the whites of their eyes on a regular basis and therefore getting to know them, any interaction is going to be kept at a superficial level.

I'd be concerned about their boundaries if they were oversharing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If prefer not to invalidate their feelings and show empathy. If they revealed a MH or ND side, again I'd be understanding. I'd rather people shared so I knew them and who they are and why. Personally I find it kind of odd if someone can't share certain aspects of themselves but can engage in sex and the intimacies that come with it. I think if you shut someone off when they've shared that and it's too much trouble for you you're quite an arsehole and it's very damaging to them. You don't know what people have been through. Where's the sense of decency?

More of this please!

There are some beautiful people with kind souls out there

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