FabSwingers.com forum: Be vulnerable with me

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why is being vulnerable with people so difficult ?! Eurgh.

Do you find it difficult and why? Does it affect your relationships with others?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Undressing, declaring sexual likes, erection/performance issues - sex inevitably puts you in a vulnerable position. And that’s the most powerful joys of sex - when that vulnerability is not taken advantage of but returned with desire, trust, safety.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Undressing, declaring sexual likes, erection/performance issues - sex inevitably puts you in a vulnerable position. And that’s the most powerful joys of sex - when that vulnerability is not taken advantage of but returned with desire, trust, safety."

Tbf I never consider myself vulnerable when I’m having sex or about to have sex. But I suppose I am aren’t I

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France."

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers. "

I live for the day AI powered robots can give me a short back and sides.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers. "

You know, back in the day, when you train to be a stylist the trainers tell you to avoid politics and religion as conversation starters and tell you to talk about holidays, special occasions to keep it light

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Vulnerable, on fab? Never

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By *aGaGagging for itCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Absolutely!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers.

My hairdresser recently told me that some trainers are including counselling as part of the course because so many clients open up about problems.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers.

They should update that and tell them to just look at this place for conversation starters.

"So, do you think that the standard of forum thread is slipping?"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Vulnerable, on fab? Never "

Not just on fab.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers.

I live for the day AI powered robots can give me a short back and sides."

Soon come brudda. Soon come.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Vulnerability is beautiful. It takes trust, comfort, mutual respect. A desire and a feeling of safety. For many that's just not what Fab is.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

I find it really difficult.

Actually, just this morning I stated an important boundary to a friend which is sort of linked to this.

Look, generally I'm great at being sociable. Talking nonsense, engaging in conversation about others. Where I really struggle though? It's being vulnerable.

It's why I'm more comfortable asking other people questions - I quickly learnt when I was a teenager that if I ask others, they'll happily respond and I can enjoy learning them and not worrying about feeling exposed.

If I start feeling like I can't trust enough person or they're not particularly interested in me as a person, just Meli, I'm very quick and happy to put walls back up.

It takes quite some time for me to feel comfortable being vulnerable with another person. It takes a few seconds for me to decide it's foolish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers.

My hairdresser recently told me that some trainers are including counselling as part of the course because so many clients open up about problems. "

I had clients where I knew all about their family problems, their personal issues with addiction, cheaters, illnesses. I was a sounding board and steel trap whilst I was a stylist.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Vulnerable, on fab? Never

Not just on fab. "

That depends. We're all products of our experiences.

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By *estarossa.Woman
over a year ago

Flagrante

Not here, thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find it really difficult.

Actually, just this morning I stated an important boundary to a friend which is sort of linked to this.

Look, generally I'm great at being sociable. Talking nonsense, engaging in conversation about others. Where I really struggle though? It's being vulnerable.

If I start feeling like I can't trust enough person or they're not particularly interested in me as a person, just Meli, I'm very quick and happy to put walls back up.

It takes quite some time for me to feel comfortable being vulnerable with another person. It takes a few seconds for me to decide it's foolish. "

Do you feel by asking q?s that it's a way to divert off of you? X

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers.

My hairdresser recently told me that some trainers are including counselling as part of the course because so many clients open up about problems.

I had clients where I knew all about their family problems, their personal issues with addiction, cheaters, illnesses. I was a sounding board and steel trap whilst I was a stylist. "

With my stylist it's the other way round. I know about her troubled past, her children, her financial worries, her relationship with her mum...I can hardly get a word in edgeways

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I’ve ruined beautiful things because I’ve not been more willing to be vulnerable with people. And I just close off. And go within myself.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I’ve ruined beautiful things because I’ve not been more willing to be vulnerable with people. And I just close off. And go within myself. "

You can only be yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being vulnerable can lead to rejection and being hurt so I seldom do

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve ruined beautiful things because I’ve not been more willing to be vulnerable with people. And I just close off. And go within myself.

You can only be yourself."

I wonder if though we should be more open to being more vulnerable. But who even knows

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"It's why I'm more comfortable asking other people questions - I quickly learnt when I was a teenager that if I ask others, they'll happily respond and I can enjoy learning them and not worrying about feeling exposed.

If I start feeling like I can't trust enough person or they're not particularly interested in me as a person, just Meli, I'm very quick and happy to put walls back up.

Do you feel by asking q?s that it's a way to divert off of you? X"

Yep.

My main thing is I have an eternal curiosity about people but it's quite neat in that it diverts attention from me.

Recently I keep being told "Cara, no, don't change the topic" when I start slipping into it. I know I do it. I also don't really want to be vulnerable with very many people.

I guess part of it is fear that if people see all of me, they won't like me. And I don't like people getting too close for the most part.

It's how I know when relationships (in any sense) aren't quite working for me. I edit, delete and keep things at arms distance, putting energy into the other person without exposing myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve ruined beautiful things because I’ve not been more willing to be vulnerable with people. And I just close off. And go within myself. "

All I'll say is don't go too far into yourself, it's a place of isolation and very difficult to push out of xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I start feeling like I can't trust enough person or they're not particularly interested in me as a person, just Meli, I'm very quick and happy to put walls back up.

Do you feel by asking q?s that it's a way to divert off of you? X

Yep.

My main thing is I have an eternal curiosity about people but it's quite neat in that it diverts attention from me.

Recently I keep being told "Cara, no, don't change the topic" when I start slipping into it. I know I do it. I also don't really want to be vulnerable with very many people.

I guess part of it is fear that if people see all of me, they won't like me. And I don't like people getting too close for the most part.

It's how I know when relationships (in any sense) aren't quite working for me. I edit, delete and keep things at arms distance, putting energy into the other person without exposing myself.

You wrote your name?? Did you want to quickly delete beaut?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I’ve ruined beautiful things because I’ve not been more willing to be vulnerable with people. And I just close off. And go within myself.

You can only be yourself.

I wonder if though we should be more open to being more vulnerable. But who even knows"

Nobody knows. Personally I think vulnerability is vastly over rated. Sure have your trusted people but your 'self ' is not for everyone

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

If I start feeling like I can't trust enough person or they're not particularly interested in me as a person, just Meli, I'm very quick and happy to put walls back up.

Do you feel by asking q?s that it's a way to divert off of you? X

Yep.

My main thing is I have an eternal curiosity about people but it's quite neat in that it diverts attention from me.

Recently I keep being told "Cara, no, don't change the topic" when I start slipping into it. I know I do it. I also don't really want to be vulnerable with very many people.

I guess part of it is fear that if people see all of me, they won't like me. And I don't like people getting too close for the most part.

It's how I know when relationships (in any sense) aren't quite working for me. I edit, delete and keep things at arms distance, putting energy into the other person without exposing myself.

You wrote your name?? Did you want to quickly delete beaut?"

Oh you're so lovely! Thank you. No, cara is not my name, it's a nickname I've been given that means something.

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By *lipzer KnicksaffWoman
over a year ago

Up My Own Arse Apparently

Because I don't trust people easily.

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By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers.

My hairdresser recently told me that some trainers are including counselling as part of the course because so many clients open up about problems. "

I see this alot. I'm a sports massage therapist and I hear it all in-between the screams and moaning haha

Some of my clients recognized me on here haha

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By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

"Why is being vulnerable with people so difficult ?! Eurgh.

Do you find it difficult and why? Does it affect your relationships with others? "

Weirdly sexually I'm massively confident and will show my vulnerability but in everyday life I don't! Not a chance

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

I'm A naturally private person. I don't share for the sake of sharing. If its related to a discussion or topic I'm involved it, I'll use examples and experience.

Those I feel I will Be vulnerable with are few and far between. Largely because of being burned when I have in the past.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers.

My hairdresser recently told me that some trainers are including counselling as part of the course because so many clients open up about problems.

I see this alot. I'm a sports massage therapist and I hear it all in-between the screams and moaning haha

Some of my clients recognized me on here haha "

There are very few people you're in such close contact with and you're rarely looking directly at them. That makes it much easier to unload I think

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers.

My hairdresser recently told me that some trainers are including counselling as part of the course because so many clients open up about problems.

I see this alot. I'm a sports massage therapist and I hear it all in-between the screams and moaning haha

Some of my clients recognized me on here haha

There are very few people you're in such close contact with and you're rarely looking directly at them. That makes it much easier to unload I think "

I think maybe you could have worded that better

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers.

My hairdresser recently told me that some trainers are including counselling as part of the course because so many clients open up about problems.

I see this alot. I'm a sports massage therapist and I hear it all in-between the screams and moaning haha

Some of my clients recognized me on here haha

There are very few people you're in such close contact with and you're rarely looking directly at them. That makes it much easier to unload I think

I think maybe you could have worded that better

. True

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If I start feeling like I can't trust enough person or they're not particularly interested in me as a person, just Meli, I'm very quick and happy to put walls back up.

Do you feel by asking q?s that it's a way to divert off of you? X

Yep.

My main thing is I have an eternal curiosity about people but it's quite neat in that it diverts attention from me.

Recently I keep being told "Cara, no, don't change the topic" when I start slipping into it. I know I do it. I also don't really want to be vulnerable with very many people.

I guess part of it is fear that if people see all of me, they won't like me. And I don't like people getting too close for the most part.

It's how I know when relationships (in any sense) aren't quite working for me. I edit, delete and keep things at arms distance, putting energy into the other person without exposing myself.

You wrote your name?? Did you want to quickly delete beaut?

Oh you're so lovely! Thank you. No, cara is not my name, it's a nickname I've been given that means something.

Cool beans. I am the same with not letting people close, I know deep down I wouldn't hurt a fly but the other person has used my vulnerability against me. So I am a 4 sided brick wall lol

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I don’t like feeling vulnerable but I’m told by others they like feeling vulnerable with me. It’s a complex thing

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

"I don’t like feeling vulnerable but I’m told by others they like feeling vulnerable with me. It’s a complex thing "

Urgh. Fools.

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Why is being vulnerable with people so difficult ?! Eurgh.

Do you find it difficult and why? Does it affect your relationships with others? "

I was writing a really long answer. Then I felt a bit vulnerable. So F*** you Pickle! About sums it up x

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Recently I keep being told "Cara, no, don't change the topic" when I start slipping into it. I know I do it. I also don't really want to be vulnerable with very many people.

I guess part of it is fear that if people see all of me, they won't like me. And I don't like people getting too close for the most part.

It's how I know when relationships (in any sense) aren't quite working for me. I edit, delete and keep things at arms distance, putting energy into the other person without exposing myself.

You wrote your name?? Did you want to quickly delete beaut?

Oh you're so lovely! Thank you. No, cara is not my name, it's a nickname I've been given that means something.

Cool beans. I am the same with not letting people close, I know deep down I wouldn't hurt a fly but the other person has used my vulnerability against me. So I am a 4 sided brick wall lol"

That's not a bad way of being though is it? I mean sometimes you can take a brick down, it's easy to feel more secure etc. I think it takes a lot for me to feel like my vulnerability won't be ignored/used against me so it's far easier to just... yeah. Keep those walls up.

I'm not a heartless robot, sometimes people do get close to me. It takes a lot longer for someone to get close to me than it does for me to decide they shouldn't be.

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By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers.

My hairdresser recently told me that some trainers are including counselling as part of the course because so many clients open up about problems.

I see this alot. I'm a sports massage therapist and I hear it all in-between the screams and moaning haha

Some of my clients recognized me on here haha

There are very few people you're in such close contact with and you're rarely looking directly at them. That makes it much easier to unload I think "

Definitely. Usually face down with eyes closed so you can see any judgement etc

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

I don’t find it difficult at all… with the right people.

I am completely an open book

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Yes very. One of my fwbs has seen me cry but I had known him over a year by then and it was over the recent death of my dad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Emotional vulnerability is difficult for me because, I've opened up about something to someone I thought could be trusted...then had it used against me in an disagreement.

Or had my feelings invalidated and told I'm too sensitive.

So I tend to keep those things to myself, there's really only a handful of people I trust.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Emotional vulnerability is difficult for me because, I've opened up about something to someone I thought could be trusted...then had it used against me in an disagreement.

Or had my feelings invalidated and told I'm too sensitive.

So I tend to keep those things to myself, there's really only a handful of people I trust.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why is being vulnerable with people so difficult ?! Eurgh.

Do you find it difficult and why? Does it affect your relationships with others?

I was writing a really long answer. Then I felt a bit vulnerable. So F*** you Pickle! About sums it up x "

I wish you would fuck me. Honestly.

But I totally get you. On here it’s hard to be vulnerable.

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By *edeWoman
over a year ago

the abyss

It's really hard for me. I was a single parent from a very young age and aware the buck stopped with me even if my parents were supportive. As such I kept people at a distance so as not to get emotionally involved with them at the risk of getting hurt and effecting my parenting.

Although I'm the first to want to help others, I am rubbish at sharing my troubles thinking I should deal with them myself rather than put on others. I think this often comes across as not trusting someone when that's not the case

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By *oudBeSurprisedMan
over a year ago

Fife

Because its weaponised to win an argument when you fall out of favour.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"It's really hard for me. I was a single parent from a very young age and aware the buck stopped with me even if my parents were supportive. As such I kept people at a distance so as not to get emotionally involved with them at the risk of getting hurt and effecting my parenting.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Because its weaponised to win an argument when you fall out of favour. "

Yes that does happen. And it's crap. The last time it happened I was told I frequently bring up something - checked and it had been once in many months. I was less amused by the inaccuracy than the actual comment. :D

And yet... if we start thinking that being vulnerable will be weaponised, aren't we robbing ourselves of potentially connecting with people on a deeper level than the standard basic one?

This is more general musings about not letting the past affect the present and future rather than being directed at you. I can understand your point fully.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I've learnt to be quite good at being vulnerable over the years. It took time though.

I can experience a lot of ambivalence, and feel pulled in two directions. As I thrive on intimacy, but my vulnerabilities can be used against me. I have cPTSD and it goes back into my childhood. It's rare for me to meet someone who can cope with hearing it. I learnt that early on. When you are a scared kid, you reach out, but they don't want to know. You feel like nobody cares. Still can't say that in the first person. I have this memory of being at my mates house. At the dinner table and his parents saying I could move in with them. I am trembling now at the memory, just as I was then.

I felt safer on the park. I used to jolt when anyone touched me as a kid. Go into fight mode. Except one girl, she'd sit off with me all night, eventually I was able to let her in. She never wanted to go home either.

For some people: 'I love you, I won't hurt you' feels like an oxymoron.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. I won't be vulnerable. Not anymore. Burnt too many times. I gave them me and they just fucked me over.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Because its weaponised to win an argument when you fall out of favour.

And yet... if we start thinking that being vulnerable will be weaponised, aren't we robbing ourselves of potentially connecting with people on a deeper level than the standard basic one?

This is more general musings about not letting the past affect the present and future rather than being directed at you. I can understand your point fully.

"
t

"I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife"

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Because its weaponised to win an argument when you fall out of favour.

And yet... if we start thinking that being vulnerable will be weaponised, aren't we robbing ourselves of potentially connecting with people on a deeper level than the standard basic one?

This is more general musings about not letting the past affect the present and future rather than being directed at you. I can understand your point fully.

"I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife""

Banger

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By *oudBeSurprisedMan
over a year ago

Fife

"Because its weaponised to win an argument when you fall out of favour.

And yet... if we start thinking that being vulnerable will be weaponised, aren't we robbing ourselves of potentially connecting with people on a deeper level than the standard basic one?

This is more general musings about not letting the past affect the present and future rather than being directed at you. I can understand your point fully.

It's OK, I never take offense to opinions that are directed at me or not.

With regards to missing out on connecting with people on a deeper level, that takes a lot of trust and communication as well as experiencing different private and social situations with said person.

There are a lot of people who are very comfortable revealing deeper information about themselves to people who didn't express and interest or probably shouldn't even be made aware of that information.

There are very few people who know every aspect of me. That's not to say that what others know about me isn't the true me. There are just levels to which people know other people.

Some people are surprised at the one on one interaction i have with them here based on the Impression they get from my forum activity. Imagine how it is in situations away from fab. Situations that actually hold any level of relevancy.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

I find it very hard! I think the only person I've been vulnerable with is the Mr, he knows me inside our the wierd and wonderful, the overthinking craziness, the craving him clingyness and everything in between, we have the best communication I've ever had in a relationship because I've never felt comfortable opening up to anyone before or really being myself I've always tried to be something I'm not.

I feel for the Mr poor bloke he puts up with a lot of me blabbering shit but I've found being open and vulnerable has expanded our relationship even brought us here!!

I've definitely put off past relationships by being in their words "cold" "not affectionate" "a closed book" "walls to high" strangely they all stayed friends with me though.

I don't give myself easily and I'm pleased I haven't until now.

Mrs

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

What would be like as people without the fear?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve ruined beautiful things because I’ve not been more willing to be vulnerable with people. And I just close off. And go within myself. "

Then they aren't worth knowing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im a little bit the opposite I find it far too easy to spill the beans on everything when Ive sussed you are a safe person. Im trying to learn to hold back, but if they too are spilling their beans to me, which happens a lot, well then, there are beans everywhere and nobody wants to clean it up and we just sit there licking our fingers and smiling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’ve ruined beautiful things because I’ve not been more willing to be vulnerable with people. And I just close off. And go within myself. "

But you’re aware of it and some people never even get that far In a lifetime !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My vulnerability is what hurt me in the first place.

It won't happen again.

Doors shut.

Locked.

Bolted.

Nailed.

Barrackaded from the inside.

And ive lost the key.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you can be open minded with yourself about maybe exploring where that comes from and what has possibly caused you to have trouble being vulnerable and opening up with people, the chances are you will free yourself of a lot of other shit that you don’t have any idea is weighing you down too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What would be like as people without the fear?"

Safe

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By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby

"I’ve ruined beautiful things because I’ve not been more willing to be vulnerable with people. And I just close off. And go within myself. "

Yes I have do this to opened a little then felt really exposed and backed off completely

it is really hard.

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

"If you can be open minded with yourself about maybe exploring where that comes from and what has possibly caused you to have trouble being vulnerable and opening up with people, the chances are you will free yourself of a lot of other shit that you don’t have any idea is weighing you down too "

Agreed.

Nothing I accept about myself can be used against me.

It's a good principle. It's served me well.

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By *aucasian GhandiMan
over a year ago

from my dad's left nut (Warwick)

I have no problem with vulnerability, it's sets me free from self.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Agreed.

Nothing I accept about myself can be used against me.

It's a good principle. It's served me well."

I love this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's easy to say "other people hurt me" as a reason not to be vulnerable. And whilst I don't excuse the people who hurt us - one has to ask the question - did we open up to the wrong people and why?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's easy to say "other people hurt me" as a reason not to be vulnerable. And whilst I don't excuse the people who hurt us - one has to ask the question - did we open up to the wrong people and why? "

Exactly- why? You can’t grow past a certain point without looking at the ways you’ve incriminated yourself.

And having an awareness of this or that person hurting you only goes so far. It takes time and perspective and often work to actually realise what the impact of events and relationships have had on a person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's easy to say "other people hurt me" as a reason not to be vulnerable. And whilst I don't excuse the people who hurt us - one has to ask the question - did we open up to the wrong people and why?

Exactly- why? You can’t grow past a certain point without looking at the ways you’ve incriminated yourself.

This is so true. And whether we can be open and vulnerable with others does depend entirely on whether we feel happy with our own awareness of how it went wrong before.

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By *aggonerMan
over a year ago

for a penny

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers.

My hairdresser recently told me that some trainers are including counselling as part of the course because so many clients open up about problems. "

I wish hairdressers, dentists and anyone in shops would mind their own business and do what they’re paid to do. I have no intention of giving any personal information, no matter how trivial, to someone I don’t know.

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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago

Chorley, Eng

"Why is being vulnerable with people so difficult ?! Eurgh.

Do you find it difficult and why? Does it affect your relationships with others? "

I am ok with being vunerable with people. Sometimes I can be disappointed by other people's actions and reactions to it but I am rarely disappointed in myself for being open and vunerable.

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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago

Chorley, Eng

"I’ve ruined beautiful things because I’ve not been more willing to be vulnerable with people. And I just close off. And go within myself. "

Were they being vunerable with you?

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By *ittlemissFlirtyCouple
over a year ago

3rd Rock from the sun

I find it very hard to open up to anyone

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By *mber81Woman
over a year ago

Chorley, Eng

Agreed.

Nothing I accept about myself can be used against me.

It's a good principle. It's served me well."

This probably sums up how I feel too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’ve ruined beautiful things because I’ve not been more willing to be vulnerable with people. And I just close off. And go within myself.

Were they being vunerable with you?"

Yes

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By *rincipessaWoman
over a year ago

your wildest dreams,

For me, being vulnerable is giving someone the ammunition that can hurt me, so it’s incredibly rare for me to be vulnerable, or share too much.

It’s a very big trust issue. But being able to trust is very liberating. Those people are just few and far between

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I generally only tend to reveal more of myself the more I get to know someone but I know there are levels to vulnerability that I can show and hopefully not put them off. I've yet to find someone I can be totally vulnerable with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not something I'd ever do again

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Not something I'd ever do again "
2/10. Don’t recommend

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I generally only tend to reveal more of myself the more I get to know someone but I know there are levels to vulnerability that I can show and hopefully not put them off. I've yet to find someone I can be totally vulnerable with."

Man like Joe! FRESH HOME!!!!! Welcome back

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

To me being openly vulnerable is kinda like my superpower. It's all out there, I know my weak spots my mates all know them, everybody does essentially. Which makes it bloody hard for people to use them against me, cause the people I love have my back if I'm being a twit. Also it's given me connections to some wonderful people who have similar ones to me. Vulnerability can be either a strength or weakness it just depends on how you view it.

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By *arbellsWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

"It's so hard to open up, Steve.

My barber recently asked me if I'd got a holiday booked this year. I really wanted to tell her that it was none of her business but I reluctantly told her I'd booked two weeks in the south of France.

The future of haircuts is with barbers that leave us alone. Like Uber drivers.

My hairdresser recently told me that some trainers are including counselling as part of the course because so many clients open up about problems.

I'm one of these professions who people open up to, I will mind my own business and that's great you don't feel the need to share stuff with someone etc but ALOT people do share/open up, surely it's best I'm trained or governing bodies include that training so we are prepared. As therapists we are trained to look for marks/moles/rashes which could be bad news etc so why wouldnt having a bit of training with mental health help?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To me being openly vulnerable is kinda like my superpower. It's all out there, I know my weak spots my mates all know them, everybody does essentially. Which makes it bloody hard for people to use them against me, cause the people I love have my back if I'm being a twit. Also it's given me connections to some wonderful people who have similar ones to me. Vulnerability can be either a strength or weakness it just depends on how you view it. "

I wish I was like this. I an honest about my experiences with racism and my mental health issues to try and get others to speak more on them and normalise talking about it all etc. but when people make digs about it, it still really upsets me. I do try and do be vulnerable about this stuff but real vulnerability, like my real life personal family stresses etc are hard to open up about for me. And not doing that harms some of my relationships

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

I'm open about the abuse I've endured in my child and adulthood. My struggles with mental health I shouldn't be here now which is a blessing in itself. I may loose people for being the way I am, I may be too much for them. But I have people I've know all my adult life who love me for being me. I've worked hard to accept and move on from my past, if I can then other people can too, if they don't want to c'est la vie.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Because keeping hold of all that negative shit, pulled me and the ones around me down. You find your way of dealing with it else you're living in a groundhog Day. Mind I hadn't figured all that out at your age to be fair, it's taken me a hell of a long time to sort myself out.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

You’re pretty inspiring.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Yeah. You were my age a while ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you loose people don't see that as a negative. They may have been through similar and are just protecting themselves.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Bliss

There's only my inner circle I can and want to share vulnerability to. My strength is my armour that protects me from people, that want to cause me harm, so it is on 98% of the time

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich

I have discovered that your vulnerability can be your superpower. It’s not about oversharing with strangers. It’s about being open enough to the possibility that not all people are ar*eholes. Some people are truly kind and caring.

It’s easier to tell the difference since I started my emotional healing

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

I am just me the way I am, I don't over analyse my behaviour and go on about it like I'm on a shrink's couch.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

If you loose people don't see that as a negative. They may have been through similar and are just protecting themselves.

I totally agree, everyone deals with things differently. My path isn't necessarily the best path for someone else. That is life there are no rights or wrongson how to move on from abuse

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