FabSwingers.com: Vulvarine (50) , Woman in Up My Own Arse Apparently , Scotland, UK

If you don't like cats, fuck off.

Requests to "meet now" will be automatically deleted. If I end up in Josef Fritzel's dungeon, no cunt will do the ironing round here.

Not looking to meet. The position is filled.

Not into extreme shite, doms, whips and chains and all that pish. Sounds like too much hard work at my age. I'm unashamedly vanilla. Don't want to hear about your crazy kinks, it all comes across as trying too hard. Empty vessels most definitely make the most sound.

Whatever happened to a good old fashioned ride? You may be into "breaking tab00s" but you're not breaking my sphincter. Speaking of which, it's probably best that I decline your offer to peg you. My mood can vary like the weather. I could be all sweetness and light when the tip goes in but by the time I'm ball deep you'll probably have annoyed me. I'll then feel the need to leave your ring piece shredded and resembling a bomb scene.

No, you can't spunk on my leather trousers. Stick to the wife's DFS suite.

No, I don't want a 3some with you and your Mrs. Why would you want to disappoint two women at the same time?

For the nosey among you who are curious. Shaved or trimmed? Depends. Sometimes I'm full on Kojak (if that reference is lost on you then you're too young to be reading this). Other times my muff resembles a ZZ Top tribute band.

Actively avoiding the aesthetically challenged. (Aka "ugly cunts).

If the most interesting thing about you is your pronouns then we're unlikely to be each others type. This kind of individual gives me major ring sting.

Not particularly interested in your knob pics. I've seen more Jap's eyes than a Tokyo optician since joining Fab.

If you must insist in sending one, please refrain from the Fab classic - "Cock over shitter" pic. I prefer not to start my day by seeing the remnants of your brown trout waiting to be flushed down river. And the spread arsed cheeks photie is also a major faux pas in my book. I'm not OCD about hygiene but c'mon for fucks sake. Nobody wants to see it if the last time you gave it a good scrub Freddos were 5p.

And please, don't take the huff if you send a face pic (I never ask for them) and it's not reciprocated. If you look like you set fire to your coupon and put it out with a golf shoe then perhaps reconsider the brown trout option outlined above.

Unless you have a stutter "mmmmmmmmm" is never an acceptable comment in a message.

To the mad incel cunts who take time out from their busy schedule of wanking into their maw's drawers to send abusive messages. Gonnae no.

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