FabSwingers.com forum: The Penis Manual

By *ensuallover1000 OP Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Good folks: Please share all your relevant instructions and tips for this most fascinating of appendages.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Don't bite it.

Mrs

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

Don't look it in the eye. It might spit

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

it's non detachable

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Wash right under the bell end to prevent nasty wiffs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Use teeth

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By *phialtesMan
over a year ago

Beyond the Wall

Most people don’t understand how erections actually work.

A normal erection requires:

Strong blood flow into the erectile tissue

Healthy veins that compress to hold the blood in the erectile tissue

The cause of an erection is arousal, which stimulates the release of nitric oxide from nerve terminals and blood vessels. That increases the amount of blood that flows into the erectile tissue.

As the erectile tissue fills with blood, the veins that drain the blood out of the penis collapse. That prevents blood from leaving the erectile tissue and keeps the penis erect.

Veno-occlusive disease can affect the health of those veins so that they lose their ability to prevent the blood from leaving the penis. That makes it difficult to maintain an erection, no matter how well the blood flows into the erectile tissue.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"Use teeth"

^^ this

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

Don’t double dip it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Use teeth

^^ this

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Savour any cheese found on it. The most umami of all flavours.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"Use teeth

^^ this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 29/06/23 19:15:40]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Savour any cheese found on it. The most umami of all flavours."

FFS!

This reminds me of a guy that tasted like cheese sauce.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Use teeth

^^ this

You'd love it.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

"Use teeth

^^ this

You'd love it."

You know me so well

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

This proud careful owner would like it noted that the underside of the head is where the party is at.

And I'll take a pass on the teeth. I will make noise if you do but not in a pleasurable way. k?

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By *ensuallover1000 OP Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

If you’re uncut, you can create a fascinating, fully working, miniature swinging garden hammock by taking the foreskin (penis must be in a non angry state) between a thumb and forefinger and swinging it from side to side.

It’s both highly rewarding and very relaxing to.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Like anyone ever reads the manual

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

2 is better than 1

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do plenty exercises with it. When hard put a towel on it and move it up and down

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"it's non detachable "

a sharp knife fixes that

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"it's non detachable

a sharp knife fixes that

A souvenir?

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

Don’t pull too hard and no teeth please

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales

Gentle wash only

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t have a manual. It’s more of a hands on tutorial

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

"it's non detachable

a sharp knife fixes that

A souvenir?"

yes I have quite the collection.

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

"Savour any cheese found on it. The most umami of all flavours.

FFS!

This reminds me of a guy that tasted like cheese sauce. "

I really don't know why you're yucking that. Bit of pasta and as well as sex you've got a good meal out of it.

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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London

"Savour any cheese found on it. The most umami of all flavours.

FFS!

This reminds me of a guy that tasted like cheese sauce.

I really don't know why you're yucking that. Bit of pasta and as well as sex you've got a good meal out of it."

I mean, she still sucked it...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Savour any cheese found on it. The most umami of all flavours.

FFS!

This reminds me of a guy that tasted like cheese sauce.

I really don't know why you're yucking that. Bit of pasta and as well as sex you've got a good meal out of it."

Even came with little lumps.

I shouldn't complain I know.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Savour any cheese found on it. The most umami of all flavours.

FFS!

This reminds me of a guy that tasted like cheese sauce.

I really don't know why you're yucking that. Bit of pasta and as well as sex you've got a good meal out of it."

Don't forget the meat that she just bit off.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Gentle wash only

Some need Dettol and a wire brush

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Savour any cheese found on it. The most umami of all flavours.

FFS!

This reminds me of a guy that tasted like cheese sauce.

I really don't know why you're yucking that. Bit of pasta and as well as sex you've got a good meal out of it.

Don't forget the meat that she just bit off. "

He knows

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Gentle wash only

Some need Dettol and a wire brush

As a jedi would say, those are not the penises you are looking for. Unless that's your thing.

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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London

Me and mine, well we are best friends. We are each others hype man. A little respect goes a long way (WINK)

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Gentle wash only

Some need Dettol and a wire brush

As a jedi would say, those are not the penises you are looking for. Unless that's your thing."

Was that Episode 5.5, The Domme Strikes Back?!

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By *aizyWoman
over a year ago

west midlands

"Savour any cheese found on it. The most umami of all flavours.

FFS!

This reminds me of a guy that tasted like cheese sauce.

I really don't know why you're yucking that. Bit of pasta and as well as sex you've got a good meal out of it.

Even came with little lumps.

I shouldn't complain I know."

I was just about to make myself cheese on toast, think I'll just have the toast!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ever played Bop It?

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Ever played Bop It? "

Oooooooo can we hit them with a hammer?!

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Gentle wash only

Some need Dettol and a wire brush

As a jedi would say, those are not the penises you are looking for. Unless that's your thing.

Was that Episode 5.5, The Domme Strikes Back?!

Check if it was a Disney or Dick Knead movie.

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By *ymbunnyfitCouple
over a year ago

East Yorkshire

Suck every day xx

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

Boing catapult is a fun and competitive game. Points are awarded for ambition, style, distance and accuracy.

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By *ruceyyMan
over a year ago

London

"Suck every day xx"

Ma gurl! (High five)

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

Erection blood actually comes from the decision making part of a man’s brain - the fabbocampus

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By *ezebel100Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Like anyone ever reads the manual"

So true

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By *avidgeorge68Man
over a year ago

wakefield

love the old saying

suck it and see

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ever played Bop It?

Oooooooo can we hit them with a hammer?!

Remember that scene from the walking dead with Negan and Lucille?

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By *ensuallover1000 OP Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

So armed with a trusty penis, one is also able to enjoy the highly rewarding pastime of urinating as far up a wall/tree/neighbours house as one can.

This pastime can also be used to settle heated disputes without resorting to unnecessary shouting and/or violence.

Whoever urinates the highest is clearly the winner and is obviously right in their viewpoint by default.

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By *ootnootboopCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

"Gentle wash only

Definitely do not bleach either

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"So armed with a trusty penis, one is also able to enjoy the highly rewarding pastime of urinating as far up a wall/tree/neighbours house as one can.

This pastime can also be used to settle heated disputes without resorting to unnecessary shouting and/or violence.

Whoever urinates the highest is clearly the winner and is obviously right in their viewpoint by default."

I think you're pissing in the wind, my friend

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Gentle wash only

Definitely do not bleach either

Iron? Cool setting or full steam?

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By *entBarryUKMan
over a year ago

Ashford

Do not feed after midnight

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Like anyone ever reads the manual

So true"

It's like making pastry, you just have to get a feel for it.

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By *ensuallover1000 OP Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"So armed with a trusty penis, one is also able to enjoy the highly rewarding pastime of urinating as far up a wall/tree/neighbours house as one can.

This pastime can also be used to settle heated disputes without resorting to unnecessary shouting and/or violence.

Whoever urinates the highest is clearly the winner and is obviously right in their viewpoint by default.

I think you're pissing in the wind, my friend

Ahhh yes! Another essential tip right there; urinating into an oncoming, gale force wind is never going to end well….

Unless you happen to be Chuck Norris, of course

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"So armed with a trusty penis, one is also able to enjoy the highly rewarding pastime of urinating as far up a wall/tree/neighbours house as one can.

This pastime can also be used to settle heated disputes without resorting to unnecessary shouting and/or violence.

Whoever urinates the highest is clearly the winner and is obviously right in their viewpoint by default.

I think you're pissing in the wind, my friend

Ahhh yes! Another essential tip right there; urinating into an oncoming, gale force wind is never going to end well….

Unless you happen to be Chuck Norris, of course

It's okay if it's squirt

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By *ensuallover1000 OP Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

The joy of erections.

Have you ever observed - I mean REALLY observed, how the mast goes up?

It’s not usually an instant bolt upright salute if you study it closely; rather more a series of mini twitches that lull and raise the sleeping beast to its full glory.

Absolutely fascinating…

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By *amsevenMan
over a year ago

cork

It's not a ketchup bottle

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

"The joy of erections.

Have you ever observed - I mean REALLY observed, how the mast goes up?

It’s not usually an instant bolt upright salute if you study it closely; rather more a series of mini twitches that lull and raise the sleeping beast to its full glory.

Absolutely fascinating…

I did this today! The ladies in the library were not amused. Don’t have the internet there, then!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ever played Bop It?

Oooooooo can we hit them with a hammer?!

Remember that scene from the walking dead with Negan and Lucille? "

What's the matter with you people? That's not how you play bop it!

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"The joy of erections.

Have you ever observed - I mean REALLY observed, how the mast goes up?

It’s not usually an instant bolt upright salute if you study it closely; rather more a series of mini twitches that lull and raise the sleeping beast to its full glory.

Absolutely fascinating…

Maybe I should do a video or time lapse

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By *ensuallover1000 OP Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"The joy of erections.

Have you ever observed - I mean REALLY observed, how the mast goes up?

It’s not usually an instant bolt upright salute if you study it closely; rather more a series of mini twitches that lull and raise the sleeping beast to its full glory.

Absolutely fascinating…

I did this today! The ladies in the library were not amused. Don’t have the internet there, then!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ever played Bop It?

Oooooooo can we hit them with a hammer?!

Remember that scene from the walking dead with Negan and Lucille?

What's the matter with you people? That's not how you play bop it!

It's the extreme version.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Only use mild detergents.

Not microwave safe.

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By *ensuallover1000 OP Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"The joy of erections.

Have you ever observed - I mean REALLY observed, how the mast goes up?

It’s not usually an instant bolt upright salute if you study it closely; rather more a series of mini twitches that lull and raise the sleeping beast to its full glory.

Absolutely fascinating…

Maybe I should do a video or time lapse

Nick Park would be proud

The footage could also be set to some delightful music such as Vaughan Williams’, The Lark Ascending for that added artistic flourish….

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By *ensuallover1000 OP Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Did you know that penis bearers typically experience 3 to 5 erections every night, mostly during REM sleep? This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as, nocturnal penile tumescence.

It’s also probably very nice.

….but I was asleep at the time so can’t be sure.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Praise it. Often it has a fragile ego;)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Ever played Bop It?

Oooooooo can we hit them with a hammer?!

Remember that scene from the walking dead with Negan and Lucille?

What's the matter with you people? That's not how you play bop it!

It's the extreme version.

Would I at least get a safe word?

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By *ensuallover1000 OP Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Did you know that the glans contains around 4,000 nerve endings? As a result, it is highly sensitive and very much enjoys attention…

I mean, it REALLY loves it

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Did you know that the glans contains around 4,000 nerve endings? As a result, it is highly sensitive and very much enjoys attention…

I mean, it REALLY loves it

Compared to the 8000-10000 nerve endings in the clitoris

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Ever played Bop It?

Oooooooo can we hit them with a hammer?!

Remember that scene from the walking dead with Negan and Lucille?

What's the matter with you people? That's not how you play bop it!

It's the extreme version.

We could formalise the rules of Extreme Bop-it

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By *929Man
over a year ago

bedlington

Prior to posting photos of it on fab swingers have a friend or loved one intensely squeeze, twist and administer Chinese burns to it till it’s extra red, I have it on good authority women love it when it’s a bright reddish purple hue

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Only use mild detergents.

Not microwave safe."

Dishwasher safe?

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

They make fantastical garden pea catapults.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Penis manual = wank

Penis automatic = hand job

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Ever played Bop It?

Oooooooo can we hit them with a hammer?!

Remember that scene from the walking dead with Negan and Lucille?

What's the matter with you people? That's not how you play bop it!

It's the extreme version.

We could formalise the rules of Extreme Bop-it

Maybe hold off on proposing it as an olympic event for a while.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Ever played Bop It?

Oooooooo can we hit them with a hammer?!

Remember that scene from the walking dead with Negan and Lucille?

What's the matter with you people? That's not how you play bop it!

It's the extreme version.

We could formalise the rules of Extreme Bop-it

Maybe hold off on proposing it as an olympic event for a while. "

I'm Paralympics

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By *ntrigued32Couple
over a year ago

Nottingham

Lick it good!

Jo.Xx

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By *ensuallover1000 OP Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Apparently, the average number of times a penis owner will ejaculate from masturbation in a lifetime is around 2,000.

Um….is it just me or does that sound highly inaccurate?

I mean…..ONLY 2,000?!

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

"Apparently, the average number of times a penis owner will ejaculate from masturbation in a lifetime is around 2,000.

Um….is it just me or does that sound highly inaccurate?

I mean…..ONLY 2,000?! "

Crikey. That means I completed my whole life in Q1 this year.

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Apparently, the average number of times a penis owner will ejaculate from masturbation in a lifetime is around 2,000.

Um….is it just me or does that sound highly inaccurate?

I mean…..ONLY 2,000?! "

Somebody is skewing the average downwards.

That's a average of one a week for 38.4 years

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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago

Nottingham

"Apparently, the average number of times a penis owner will ejaculate from masturbation in a lifetime is around 2,000.

Um….is it just me or does that sound highly inaccurate?

I mean…..ONLY 2,000?!

Somebody is skewing the average downwards.

That's a average of one a week for 38.4 years"

I'm sure I know some guys that have 38.4 a week.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I’m willing to lend mine out for a while but want it back in one piece

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Vaseline not moisturizer!

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"Vaseline not moisturizer!"

Deep heat, for that extra sensation?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Vaseline not moisturizer!

Deep heat, for that extra sensation?"

Would be worse than chopping chillies and forgetting to wash your hands!!

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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago

Derry

"Apparently, the average number of times a penis owner will ejaculate from masturbation in a lifetime is around 2,000.

Um….is it just me or does that sound highly inaccurate?

I mean…..ONLY 2,000?!

Somebody is skewing the average downwards.

That's a average of one a week for 38.4 years

I'm sure I know some guys that have 38.4 a week. "

It's probably like alcohol units, they're not being truthful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Always remember to put a jacket on the little guy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Air dry, do not dry clean, 40° max manual cycle

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

You must keep a eye on it at all times and be aware of any changes in mood and appearance. Regular attention is needed and must never be kept waiting when feeling hungry because they're very short tempered

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By *ensuallover1000 OP Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Penile bouncing: This is a tremendously fun and relaxing pastime.

Simply slip a hand down your pants and bounce the old flaccid chap up and down with your fingertips.

Guaranteed to make you feel on top of the world.

…..until the store security turn up and march you off the premises.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My specialist told me it has to be exercised like any other muscle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Suck it like it's your last meal... it likes wet, sloppy dark places.

Also gently tug down on the balls for a few seconds as he's about the cum. Amazing!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Suck it like it's your last meal... it likes wet, sloppy dark places.

Also gently tug down on the balls for a few seconds as he's about the cum. Amazing!!!!"

I'd gnaw on my last meal.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Suck it like it's your last meal... it likes wet, sloppy dark places.

Also gently tug down on the balls for a few seconds as he's about the cum. Amazing!!!!

I'd gnaw on my last meal."

Haha what goes around comes around

hope your Clit isn't too sensitive!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Suck it like it's your last meal... it likes wet, sloppy dark places.

Also gently tug down on the balls for a few seconds as he's about the cum. Amazing!!!!

I'd gnaw on my last meal.

Haha what goes around comes around

hope your Clit isn't too sensitive!

If you can find it amongst all the hair crack on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Suck it like it's your last meal... it likes wet, sloppy dark places.

Also gently tug down on the balls for a few seconds as he's about the cum. Amazing!!!!

I'd gnaw on my last meal.

Haha what goes around comes around

hope your Clit isn't too sensitive!

If you can find it amongst all the hair crack on. "

I'd find it or die trying

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

When it throbs and a I growl follow the rabbit hole.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Store in a cool, dark place.

Do not exceed the use by date.

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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago

Nr Leicester

It's all about who it's attached to..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it has boils on it, make sure you pop them before putting it in your mouth.

Also, the bellend is your friend.

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

Point and shoot

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By *ausage1970Man
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Best advice is never put it where its not wanted this can also apply to fingers and noses

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

Objects in mirror are closer than they appear

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By *uff the Boner!Man
over a year ago

SWANSEA

A few miles on the cock, clock, it's had its ups and downs,and in and outs.

Still hooked on and hopeful of a new ladies garden to unfertilise.

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By *erry bull1Man
over a year ago

doncaster

I’m quite attached to mine

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By *unx2019Couple
over a year ago

Moray

Pull ball sack all way up and over so it covers the penis, (obviously when it's sleeping), looks like a frog when it's croaking and very squidgy when you poke it

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