FabSwingers.com forum: No contact rule

By *ojosmiler OP Man
over a year ago

newcastle

Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???

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By *heRazorsEdgeMan
over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???"

Ignoring the fact that you’re on here as a single man and yet you until recently had a girlfriend…..

You’ve been told not to contact her at all and she will let you know when she’s ready.

So you should do exactly as she says and not contact her until she contacts you first.

Anything else is just proof to her that you don’t give a shit about her wishes

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

Your only chance of having a friendship in the future is to give her time and let her contact you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"….

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, ……"

Try not contacting her , and give her time and hopefully she’ll let you know when she’s ready

Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Been told to not contact her at all"

That's your answer-- as tough as it is, she does not consent to being contacted by you.

It hurts now, but it won't hurt forever.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???"
Has she found out you're on here or that you cross dress maybe thats the reason and chances are she may not contact you but who can predict what a woman can do, hope she gets back

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By *arren and AliciaCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

No contact and needing time or could be she has already replaced you sorry if that upsets you but that's my opinion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???"

How have you been behaving that you feel the need to explain?

Don't message her ever.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Don't contact like she's asked, respect her wishes.

Mrs

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By *oberto7Man
over a year ago

Greenock

Tell her not to contact you

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By *t0600Man
over a year ago

elvedon

Don’t ever contact her again unless she contacts you

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By *inballs99Man
over a year ago

Blackheath

It might sound harsh but move on and never look back! You wouldn't have broken up if you both worked together so don't hurt yourself over it !

I have been there just to be clear!

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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago

milton keynes

When I broke up with my ex she started to miss me and asked to come over for a chat couldn't say no purely because she's ridiculously hot .. didn't do any chatting just smashed the life out of her.. why anyone would waste time wondering stupid shit like when should I message someone who's told me to leave them alone is beyond me .. fuck that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You should respect her wishes, anything else can go south very quickly.

If you are on FAB then I would say you don't care and have moved on already.

Let it be.

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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago

milton keynes

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???"

She'll be fucking someone else already

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you have split recently, why do you feel the need to contact her right now?

What are you looking for out of any contact? A re-kindling of the relationship, a friendship, a chance to get things off your chest and then move on or something else?

Think about your intention

From the tone of your OP, you seem to think that your behaviour is (part of) the reason for the split

That may, or may not, be the case

Allow her some breathing space - allow yourself some breathing space

You don't need to 'move on' right now. You can stand still and take stock before you do move on

Talk to your friends, get things out of your head onto paper, write your thoughts out - that, in itself can release some of the burden

If you feel you are struggling to adjust, seek help professionally

People here, don't know you, your ex or your circumstances - the help offered, whilst well intended, won't necessarily be impartial

Women will (generally) see things from your ex's perspective, men will (sometimes) try and grate you by writing shitty comments that aren't helpful - and have no foundation

Much of it will be conjecture

For now, you just concentrate on standing on your own two feet and doing things that make you happy

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By *m272Woman
over a year ago

London

"If you have split recently, why do you feel the need to contact her right now?

What are you looking for out of any contact? A re-kindling of the relationship, a friendship, a chance to get things off your chest and then move on or something else?

Think about your intention

From the tone of your OP, you seem to think that your behaviour is (part of) the reason for the split

That may, or may not, be the case

Allow her some breathing space - allow yourself some breathing space

You don't need to 'move on' right now. You can stand still and take stock before you do move on

Talk to your friends, get things out of your head onto paper, write your thoughts out - that, in itself can release some of the burden

If you feel you are struggling to adjust, seek help professionally

People here, don't know you, your ex or your circumstances - the help offered, whilst well intended, won't necessarily be impartial

Women will (generally) see things from your ex's perspective, men will (sometimes) try and grate you by writing shitty comments that aren't helpful - and have no foundation

Much of it will be conjecture

For now, you just concentrate on standing on your own two feet and doing things that make you happy

???? This ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???

She'll be fucking someone else already "

Yeah , its me that's fucking her now , stop your crying and get over yourself, you are on here so what's the problem, can you not get pussy or cock , if you want cock I can help you out , I will fukk you hard and you can cry out your womans name as I do you

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By *ames-77Man
over a year ago

milton keynes

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???

She'll be fucking someone else already

See told ya haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What ever the reason for your split and it takes two people to make and also break a relationship. She will contact you when she is ready and until then just focus on healing yourself and addressing any issues you have which may have contributed to the split.

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???

She'll be fucking someone else already

Can I watch?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???

She'll be fucking someone else already

Classy

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By *rder66Man
over a year ago

Tatooine

Respect her wishes and respect the fact that she may want to move on from you or already has.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???

She'll be fucking someone else already

Can I watch?"

Oh can I watch too?

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By *illan-KillashMan
over a year ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???

You’ve been told not to contact her at all and she will let you know when she’s ready.

So you should do exactly as she says and not contact her until she contacts you first.

Anything else is just proof to her that you don’t give a shit about her wishes"

Nailed it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???"

" No contact is just that "

Wait until ,ready for what??

Why be an option!! Make and have options.

Your a prisoner within your own very mind,set your self free.

Go and meet people out there!

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

She's asked you not to contact her. So don't contact her.

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By *rancois Du BoisMan
over a year ago

Down the back of the sofa.

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???"

Move on she doesn’t want you so any future relationship will just be a negative thing for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally understand needing time as I am a processor. That said you can’t keep someone waiting forever.

Whatever has happened has happened. If she has not agreed to how long she needs then maybe prepare for the worse.

Don’t be out there looking for more or with someone else as you don’t want her to say I’m ready for a talk and find out you’ve been elsewhere.

That said things work both ways. You can’t wait forever, for me the not knowing is worse than the knowing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go get laid and forget about her!

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Don't contact her.

Get on with your life.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

She asked you not to contact her again. So don’t. Leave the poor woman alone.

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

"She asked you not to contact her again. So don’t. Leave the poor woman alone."

Ha! This, OP. This.

It seems as though you’ve posted here hoping for approval from the club to have at it. I’d say the resounding answer is the opposite.

Tough as it can be, try to find other things to occupy your mind and start the process of moving on.

Also - try to ignore the classless knobheads.

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS
over a year ago

Chichester

Do what it says in the tin OP. Don’t contact again and if she decides to reach out again and you are still interested at the time then great.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

I'd contact her don't be told what to do by a woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???

Ignoring the fact that you’re on here as a single man and yet you until recently had a girlfriend…..

You’ve been told not to contact her at all and she will let you know when she’s ready.

So you should do exactly as she says and not contact her until she contacts you first.

Anything else is just proof to her that you don’t give a shit about her wishes"

Yes, I agree. She's not interested anymore. Perhaps she's realized there's a secret side to you she doesn't know about and made her choice. Don't contact her or you'll make problems

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Respect her, and show her you respect her. She's told you what she needs. She will contact you when and if she wishes too.

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By *lipzer KnicksaffWoman
over a year ago

Up My Own Arse Apparently

Needs context.

If she's upset because you forgot her birthday then leave it a few weeks.

If she's upset because that's her gear your wearing in the photos then heed the advice above. Leave well alone.

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By *uliette500Woman
over a year ago

Hull

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???"

Read what you have written about what she said. She needs time and will contact you when she is ready. That means you don't contact her at all so don't start messaging her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Respect her, and show her you respect her. She's told you what she needs. She will contact you when and if she wishes too. "

Have more respect for your self first. Get the head space correct and right,the rest will fall in place.

Chase people,they tend to run away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???

She'll be fucking someone else already

Classy

Class of nursery.

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

‘Why are you getting in touch when I said not to?’

‘Cos I put a thread up on FabSwingers and everyone said not to get in touch but one person said I should…’

‘FabSwingers?’

*adds another reason to the list

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Bit of reap what you sow and all that

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

As others said, she doesn't want you to contact her and she will contact you if she decides she wants to.

If you contact her then you're likely to blow any chance you may have of keeping in contact in the future.

Leave her be

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having been on the receiving end of an ex who wouldn’t leave me alone. Please do as she says. She doesn’t want you to contact her so leave her alone. It’s exhausting.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I think she’s made her feelings known by saying no contact hasn’t she?

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By *otSoPetiteMortWoman
over a year ago

Hertfordshire

Having been on the recieving end of an ex who wouldn't respect my wishes or boundaries after a break-up, I beg you to leave that Woman the fuck alone.

You may feel like you need to get stuff off of your chest, but she may not want to hear your excuses/justifications for your behaviour and that's well within her right.

She will contact you if/when she wants to talk.

Focus on you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm struggling to see what's so difficult to understand here.

She's told you not to contact her.

That means you don't.

Ever.

IF and when she's ready to start talking again, she'll contact you.

Simples.

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By *ojosmiler OP Man
over a year ago

newcastle

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???

Ignoring the fact that you’re on here as a single man and yet you until recently had a girlfriend…..

You’ve been told not to contact her at all and she will let you know when she’s ready.

So you should do exactly as she says and not contact her until she contacts you first.

Anything else is just proof to her that you don’t give a shit about her wishes"

I do respect her wishes,I haven't contacted her in any way for almost 6 weeks now

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???

Ignoring the fact that you’re on here as a single man and yet you until recently had a girlfriend…..

You’ve been told not to contact her at all and she will let you know when she’s ready.

So you should do exactly as she says and not contact her until she contacts you first.

Anything else is just proof to her that you don’t give a shit about her wishes

I do respect her wishes,I haven't contacted her in any way for almost 6 weeks now "

But you're asking us when you should. She's clearly said *she* will let you know

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

You just wait. And sort yourself out

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I was once told by someone to “leave me to concentrate on myself” so I did.

About six month later, she told me I should have contacted her and as I hadn’t, she took it as a sign I didn’t care.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I was once told by someone to “leave me to concentrate on myself” so I did.

About six month later, she told me I should have contacted her and as I hadn’t, she took it as a sign I didn’t care.

Hmm. Believe what people show you. That's game playing

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By *ojosmiler OP Man
over a year ago

newcastle

"I was once told by someone to “leave me to concentrate on myself” so I did.

About six month later, she told me I should have contacted her and as I hadn’t, she took it as a sign I didn’t care.

Hmm. Believe what people show you. That's game playing"

That's what I think might be happening with me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If you have split recently, why do you feel the need to contact her right now?

What are you looking for out of any contact? A re-kindling of the relationship, a friendship, a chance to get things off your chest and then move on or something else?

Think about your intention

From the tone of your OP, you seem to think that your behaviour is (part of) the reason for the split

That may, or may not, be the case

Allow her some breathing space - allow yourself some breathing space

You don't need to 'move on' right now. You can stand still and take stock before you do move on

Talk to your friends, get things out of your head onto paper, write your thoughts out - that, in itself can release some of the burden

If you feel you are struggling to adjust, seek help professionally

People here, don't know you, your ex or your circumstances - the help offered, whilst well intended, won't necessarily be impartial

Women will (generally) see things from your ex's perspective, men will (sometimes) try and grate you by writing shitty comments that aren't helpful - and have no foundation

Much of it will be conjecture

For now, you just concentrate on standing on your own two feet and doing things that make you happy

This!!!

Mrs

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Not listening to her was obviously an issue

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"I was once told by someone to “leave me to concentrate on myself” so I did.

About six month later, she told me I should have contacted her and as I hadn’t, she took it as a sign I didn’t care.

Hmm. Believe what people show you. That's game playing

That's what I think might be happening with me x"

Then have some god damn self respect and walk the fuck away.

I get it, when you love someone it's hard, harder if you're the one who has been the cause of the breakup.

But man we are too old with not enough time left on this planet to play games etc.

She's asked for no contact... Honour that.

If you think she's playing games why even bother?!

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Sounds like she’s done, you had your chance and blew it, learn from it.

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By *olf and RedCouple
over a year ago

Nr Cardiff or at Chams Darlaston

If she’s asked for no contact then respect what she says. I’ve had an ex who still tried every means of communication. It becomes draining. You’ve split for a reason, so move on.

Red

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???"

She said , clear as a bell, " I will let you know when I am ready."

No need to ask strangers about your own relationship your ex girlfriend said ...... clear as a bell , " I will let you know.... "

Experience tells me it's over. Go forward as if it's over. If ever she does contact you then that is the time you need to decide if you want contact again.

In the meantime ..... Live... just live well.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

This thread is a week old.... I know replying doesn't stop the world turning but I hate it when I don't notice that it's been dealt with , dead and gone .....

Grrrrr.....

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By *illan-KillashMan
over a year ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

"I was once told by someone to “leave me to concentrate on myself” so I did.

About six month later, she told me I should have contacted her and as I hadn’t, she took it as a sign I didn’t care.

Hmm. Believe what people show you. That's game playing"

I hate game players, I'm too old for that crap. Grow up and have an adult relationship.

My ex played games. I said don't, if you want something, tell me. If I've inadvertently upset you, tell me. Do not test my aaffection.

Do not play games.

She played games.

She's an ex.

I can't be doing with it.

In the OPs instance, I don't think she's playing games. She said clearly what she wants.

And it isn't him.

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By *heGateKeeperMan
over a year ago

Stratford

She will contact you if/when she’s ready

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By *ojosmiler OP Man
over a year ago

newcastle

"She will contact you if/when she’s ready "

I'm starting to feel like that wasn't going to happen from the start of the no contact as it wasn't her who told me to no contact....

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By *ojosmiler OP Man
over a year ago

newcastle

"I totally understand needing time as I am a processor. That said you can’t keep someone waiting forever.

Whatever has happened has happened. If she has not agreed to how long she needs then maybe prepare for the worse.

Don’t be out there looking for more or with someone else as you don’t want her to say I’m ready for a talk and find out you’ve been elsewhere.

That said things work both ways. You can’t wait forever, for me the not knowing is worse than the knowing "

Yes it's the not knowing that is the worst....I appreciate her wanting space and respect her wishes but just a text from her saying that and not her sister would at least be a common courtesy

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By *ojosmiler OP Man
over a year ago

newcastle

"Split with girlfriend recently and asked if she wants let me explain how I've been behaving the way I have.

Got response saying I need to give her time and she will let me know when she's ready.

Been told to not contact her at all .....what's people's advice, how long does she need or how long before I message her to start contact???

How have you been behaving that you feel the need to explain?

Don't message her ever. "

I was in a very abusive relationship before her, now suffer from PTSD and found out that it's common to revert back to the person I was then so was a total mess.....put so much into her and didn't realise what I was being like until I discussed it with my coumcillor

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