FabSwingers.com forum: Would you date someone who earns significantly less than you?

By *imply Dee OP Woman
over a year ago

Wherever

I am totally inspired by similar post (hope it’s ok Shag?) and curious to see how responses vary.

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

Doesn't matter to me, as long as we get on well money doesn’t matter

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

Yes, of course.

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By *apidaryMan
over a year ago

Chipping Norton

As long as they're happy with me treating them to Michelin starred meals. There are lower limits beneath which I can't allow my dining to fall.

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By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

No. Waitrose own brand Custard Creams are expensive you know.

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By *eavenscentitCouple
over a year ago

barnstaple

I have tried it and, found it difficult in terms of where you can go and what you can do. He also got quite pissy about money

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By *agerMorganMan
over a year ago

Canvey Island

Yes, as per my previous response what someone earns isn’t an issue.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I guess it depends how much lower as I earn an average wage. Times are tough for a lot of people, up until the cost of living crisis I had a lot more disposable income. The price rises mean for me that I have about 350 less a month to play with.

If the persons salary was so low they had no money ever and could never afford to go anywhere or do anything I’d find that hard, as whilst I can pay for myself I can’t afford to pay for two people all the time.

If they could still afford occasional going out and activities I’d be good with that and could work with it. Most of the things I love doing are free.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Yes. I've always earned more than my husband and before that my ex boyfriend. I've had some surprised reactions when I pay for meals and taxis.

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By *andadbodMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

wealth or lack of shouldn’t be a factor in a relationship.

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By *rooperRedMan
over a year ago

Littlehampton

After a few years on regular dating sites I just found that I've turned out to be the hopeless romantic who'd be happy in an artist's loft studio in some rundown part of Paris, living on sex and old baguettes. Whereas most women I got in touch with were basically just interested in what I could provide them with, which had to include a camper van and a paddle board. Lockdown puppy was optional.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes of course. Connection and not bank balance is what matters!!

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By *ycanNightsMan
over a year ago

Workington

Yes. Money isn't a consideration.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I have and I would again but as I'm retired it would be very difficult for an employed person to earn significantly less than me

I would carefully consider our longer term future though and how we would go about things.

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By *omSnowMan
over a year ago

Woking

I wouldn't date someone who has less brains than me, not money...

I don't think it's important.

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By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby

Yes I have & it is totally irrelevant.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Depends I have friends who earn very little, but they live off grid etc. I have had friends who earn very little because they have no drive to do anything.

As with everything in life I think it's about finding people who you click with as you have similar ethos in life. Be it relationships or friendships.

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By *oyahandrussCouple
over a year ago

Nr Rugby

"After a few years on regular dating sites I just found that I've turned out to be the hopeless romantic who'd be happy in an artist's loft studio in some rundown part of Paris, living on sex and old baguettes.

Whereas most women I got in touch with were basically just interested in what I could provide them with, which had to include a camper van and a paddle board. Lockdown puppy was optional."
Aw how I love a baguette

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

Yes. Married them infact.

Although I earn double what my husband earns, I earn 2/3 of what my boyfriend earns.

With my husband we have a joint account and it's joint money...

With the boyfriend we mostly split things 50/50 unless he decides he wants to pay for something (often if he decides that while the option I've suggested is good he'd rather 'upgrade')

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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago

Welling

Money isn’t a problem. 100% of my dates earned less than me. I’ll date up as well. But I am a guy, it’s easier for you us men.

In my experience and observations most women won’t date down (despite whatever they say)

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

I can't so no they all do

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By *mf123Man
over a year ago

with one foot out the door

Dont care what others earn either way i dont do dates

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By *astandFeistyCouple
over a year ago

Bournemouth

This is actually a good question.

For a date, yes, no problem.

For multiple dates, organised in advance, yes, no problem.

For a relationship, that may factor, I'm accustomed to a certain way of life and if it meant I'd have to scale back, it would be a serious thought I gave it.

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By *t0600Man
over a year ago

elvedon

World revolves around money would be nice to forget it

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By *ily WhiteWoman
over a year ago

I think it's one of the factors that needs to be considered when dating with a view to it progressing into a relationship - not necessarily the amount someone earns, but definitely the amount of disposable income that they have. To me it's definitely a compatibility issue if there is too much compromise either way on activities or places visited (for example cocktail bars versus Wetherspoons, nice country hotel versus Travelodge), or if one person is picking up the tab on most occasions.

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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"I think it's one of the factors that needs to be considered when dating with a view to it progressing into a relationship - not necessarily the amount someone earns, but definitely the amount of disposable income that they have. To me it's definitely a compatibility issue if there is too much compromise either way on activities or places visited (for example cocktail bars versus Wetherspoons, nice country hotel versus Travelodge), or if one person is picking up the tab on most occasions.

^^ what Lily said

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By *uck-RogersMan
over a year ago

Tarka trail

At my age. I would date anyone who would just be willing to go off on adventures with me in my camper van. Even if it meant me paying for everything. I am not worried about cost. It is more about company.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

The answer is no OP but only for the reason that I don’t date. Not because of how much they earn.

As my dad would’ve said couldn’t give a shiny shite

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Never asked how much someone earns on a date, it's totally irrelevant.

Mrs

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

Yes, if they don't mind me paying for days/nights out.

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By *ooroo2019Woman
over a year ago

Chester

I have dated a couple of people who earned significantly less. One was a guy who was building up his start up company. He was so driven and passionate that it was the lack of time and not money that stopped us dating.

The other was a guy who wasn’t driven career wise and just did any old job just to pay the bills. I’m really driven and have worked really hard to have a career I loved, so it was a mismatch of life goals over what he earned.

So, money wise, I’d be pretty relaxed if they earned much less, but there would need to be a match of value and goals for it to go anywhere.

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By *ig1gaz1Man
over a year ago

bradford

Yes

Its perfectly ok to being a house husband sorting the house.

They also have the same rights as the lady who stayed at home, looking after the children and house.

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By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

Hi deelicious and yes, that is ok and yes. I would date one as well

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By *imply Dee OP Woman
over a year ago

Wherever

"Hi deelicious and yes, that is ok and yes. I would date one as well

Thank you Shag x

It’s fascinating seeing all those responses, isn’t it?

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

Absolutely, I would. I earn a decent salary and, while it’s nice to have money, I’m not driven by it. I care far, far more about being with someone I cherish.

I can see how it would be difficult if they earned so little they could basically never leave the house. I’d then feel guilty encouraging expenditure, as I eluded in the other thread. I’d be happy to pay for trips, dinners etc, but wouldn’t want to make someone feel miserable like I did.

But if we want to be together and it otherwise works, I’d find a way for us both to be happy.

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By *ife NinjaMan
over a year ago

Dunfermline

Why not? Money doesn't breed manners and personality

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By *ootnootboopCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

Money for us doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. We live quite a "low budget" lifestyle anyway out of choice, so expensive hotels, holidays and cars don't really factor in for us. We're more camping, Travelodge and a reliable runaround. However we definitely appreciate the more finer things in life, they just don't really mean as much to us as perhaps others.

That's the amazing thing about life, we're all looking for different things and that's fine, you just have to find those people who have similar likes, wants and interests as you.

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By *ilkstressWoman
over a year ago

Drasnia

Some of the guys I have dated in the past have earned less than me. It doesn't bother me as I don't have a need to only ever go to expensive places. Some of my favourite dates cost very little. However, having financially supported one ex many years ago, I would think twice about doing that again simply because he was using me and I try not to make the mistake twice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

F earns just over half my wage and I married her, however if I get the job I've applied for she'll be earning less than half my wage, so the position of wife maybe become available

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely! Finance really shouldn't be a factor in these things.

Plus, put the shoe on the other foot, how would you feel if someone wasn't interested in you because of your income?

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I would. but... I am used to a lifestyle, if that they simply couldn't afford it, I would walk away rather than make them risk living beyond their means trying to accompany me on adventures

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By *apidaryMan
over a year ago

Chipping Norton

"I would. but... I am used to a lifestyle, if that they simply couldn't afford it, I would walk away rather than make them risk living beyond their means trying to accompany me on adventures "

Perfectly reasonable, for special nights, to install yourself in one of the servants' cottages and dress appropriately. Think of it as putting your visitor at ease.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

If they are following their passion but it just pays badly, I'd be totally fine. If they had just settled into some crappy job then that would be the issue for me not the money.

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By *atalie..Woman
over a year ago

Bolton

Yes.

Not everything in life cost money to do.

Plus I'm not vain enough to judge someone for having a lower income. Low incomes can happen to anyone at anytime

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Carlisle

I dont see any relevance between attraction and income. Connect with a person not material things or income

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By *eadinthecloudsMan
over a year ago

Manchester

If we lived in a society where financial independence wasn't being taken from more and more people we wouldn't have to think about these questions. We'd just date who we like.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

It’s normal & it’s really nice when someone who earns much less insists on paying

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By *eiaorganaWoman
over a year ago

Dundee

Yes it wouldn't bother me if they earned less. I'd only be bothered if they were unemployed and had no willingness to get a job.

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By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

"Hi deelicious and yes, that is ok and yes. I would date one as well

Thank you Shag x

It’s fascinating seeing all those responses, isn’t it? "
Yw and yes, it is fascinating to see the replies as well

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

Have done, might do again.

I don't need anyone to pay for me for meals, dates etc. To be honest, most of the time I'm more likely to pay for things than the other way around.

I had a date recently where they insisted on paying. For everything. Wouldn't hear otherwise. I kind of liked it.

But yes, generally I don't really care.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

If she pulled her weight during the sexy time then I’d consider it

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

So long as they can support themselves and not rely on me I don't care how much someone earns.

I doubt I'd date someone willfully unemployed again. That lack of drive to be productive clashes with the way my brain works. A temporary or medically required unemployment isn't an issue, but if someone is capable and chooses not to do something productive with their time, whether that's on unemployment or independantly wealthy, I don't think we'll have much in common when it comes to outlooks.

Otherwise I don't give a shit whether someone makes 12k a year or 500k.

It's probably most comfortable for me to be with someone who earns around the same amount I do, so I don't feel like I'm leeching off them or vice versa. I like to be on a fairly equal footing, but so long as costs and spending are reasonable for all parties it's all good.

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By *rofessor ElementalMan
over a year ago

Durham

Financially speaking this isn’t an issue it’s all about similar likes and dislikes money doesn’t matter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"F earns just over half my wage and I married her, however if I get the job I've applied for she'll be earning less than half my wage, so the position of wife maybe become available

Cheeky bugger. You're allowed a side woman but not a whole new wife

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can she afford a trip to Disney?

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

"F earns just over half my wage and I married her, however if I get the job I've applied for she'll be earning less than half my wage, so the position of wife maybe become available

•

I think you need a new wife. The current model seems to be somewhat obsolete.

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By *erence IIMan
over a year ago

Irrelevant

Totally. I've dated someone on disability benefit and jobseekers allowance, I've dated a mature student. My partner for the last 7 years has earned roughly what I do, though a recent promotion has pushed her firmly into the lead. None of these financial situations has made the slightest difference to how I felt about the person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think it would really bother either of us. I earned nearly double what C did when we first met, a few years later she was earning more than me. Now we both earn pretty much the same! All goes in the same pot with us anyway

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By *heRazorsEdgeMan
over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK

I have done in the past and would do again.

I don’t date according to income, I date people not their bank balance

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By *MisschiefxTV/TS
over a year ago

London

Yes probably. But as with everything it depends.

If they're ambitious and working towards something but currently not earning much then I would date them. If they worked a low paying 9-5 with no intention or interest of ever moving on from that then no I wouldn't date them.

I find ambition and confidence sexy and attractive.

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