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A SURE WAY TO MAKE YOURSELF SQUIRT!

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By *attiB87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Liverpool

Heyy girls….. Squirting is THE MOST POWERFUL ORGASM you can have, now most think that it is only a few girl can have this type of orgasm…. but I tell you that it is Possible ALL WOMEN TO SQUIRT! Now this technique is my favorite and seems to work well….. in fact Ive never heard a complaint against it. So lay back do as I say and by the end of this post you’ll be squirting like a pornstar!!!

Its always a good way to start by licking your fingers…. getting them really wet and using them to pull and twease your nipples.

Once they are nice and hard, slap them may not be to all women’s taste but go with me…. slap them, then slowly rub your hands down your body and start to slowly play with your clit.

Play with your clit in this way till you start to get wet ( or if your already wet to keep your juices flowing) after about 30-1.30 doing this SLAP YOU CLIT then really rub it as hard and as fast as you can!!!! HARD AND FAST

Now this is where the fun really starts….. when you get really wet take either a toy in one hand or if you don’t have a toy use 2 fingers on your main hand…. SLOWLY slide it or them into your pussy WHALST STILL RUBBING CLIT WITH OTHER HAND HARD!!!

After about 45-2.00 of this start to ram your toy or your fingers into your pussy!! AS HARD AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN whilst still rubbing your clit hard with the other hand!

When you are at your wettest or… if your feeling close at this point….. ANGLE YOUR FINGERS OR THE TOY UP AND PUSH HARD AND FAST INTO YOUR G-SPOT….. important that it is fast and hard! With the other hand rubbing the clit try to rub it still but press down as hard as you can… almost as if you are trying to touch whatever it is ramming your G-spot!! STAY FAST AND HARD

Keep doing this till you Orgasm…. WHEN YOU DO ORGASM IT IS IMORTANT TO KEEP GOING…. stay hard and fast on both!!!

When you feel like you are going to pee relax its your squirt coming….. you are close now…. JUST KEEP RAMMING THE G-SPOT AS HARD AS YOU CAN AND RUB THE CLIT HARD!

When you feel it coming DONT STOP…… KEEP GOING YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HEAR YOUR PUSSY SQUELCHING!!

When you do stop it should be WHEN YOU CANT TAKE ANYMORE AND WHEN YOU HAVE SQUIRTED

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

A sure way to get em to squirt is to drink a yard of ale

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Here's a tip for you...

To make an old woman really happy shove a cactus up your arsehole...

You'll love it.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

I don’t think this is going to go very well at all.

Mansplaining to women how to achieve a certain kind of orgasm and saying it’s the best.

Ugh

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish


"Here's a tip for you...

To make an old woman really happy shove a cactus up your arsehole...

You'll love it."

J

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By *hatMinxOverThereWoman
over a year ago

42 Wallaby Way

Squirting feels nothing like an orgasm to me. An orgasm is a million times better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would really like to know more about this nipple ‘tweasing’

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

Thanks Squirtmaster3000

J

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

Manchester(ish).

I've never felt less like having an orgasm, ever.

#dryasabone.

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By *nonymous95-2Woman
over a year ago

Northwich

Is this satire or genuine? I can't tell.

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"Is this satire or genuine? I can't tell."
serious

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I've never felt less like having an orgasm, ever.

#dryasabone. "

I’m sure there will be plenty of ‘expert’ advice on its way, because who knows your body better than you do? Random folks on the internet. They’ll have you fixed in a jiffy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Someone's got lost on their Google adventures

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By *nonymous95-2Woman
over a year ago

Northwich


"Is this satire or genuine? I can't tell.serious "

Guess I'm on my way to ruin some poor woman's boobs and make her squirt. I'll let you know how it goes. #excited.

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

What a load of rubbish.

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By *elinda BeaverCouple
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire


"Here's a tip for you...

To make an old woman really happy shove a cactus up your arsehole...

You'll love it."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is use a taser the answer

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Oh god, just no......

Nothing more off-putting than a squirt expert!

And no I can't and don't squirt no amount of anyone telling me I can will make any difference

Mrs

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By *ld StrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Telford

Well fuck me sideways and call me Agnes after all these years as woman I've been doing it all wrong and needed man to point out im exactly the same as every female with the same exact body how to squirt and what it feels like.

What a foolish woman I am... I doth my cap to you sir well done I'm off to lay tarpaulin down and frig myself till I've squirted to a mere fluid drop is left in my body.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would really like to know more about this nipple ‘tweasing’ "

Cor, I love a good tweasing!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Imagine in all the time it took to write that including those vital CAPITALS and never once thinking will this make me look like a dickhead?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I would really like to know more about this nipple ‘tweasing’

Cor, I love a good tweasing! "

Okay, now I’m really feeling left out

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

That sounds painful. No thanks

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish


"

#dryasabone. "

Is that because you've squirted it all out

J

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By *ansoffateMan
over a year ago

Sagittarius A

I liked the capitalisation at the end emphasised the sensation so well.

I was almost there in the moment. Beautiful OP thanks for sharing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Imagine in all the time it took to write that including those vital CAPITALS and never once thinking will this make me look like a dickhead? "

Ahem… you mean DICKHEAD

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jesus, the audacity of a man to explain about how a womans body works!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

STFU

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"STFU"

This!!!

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

Manchester(ish).


"I've never felt less like having an orgasm, ever.

#dryasabone.

I’m sure there will be plenty of ‘expert’ advice on its way, because who knows your body better than you do? Random folks on the internet. They’ll have you fixed in a jiffy "

Mansplain my body to me harder baby.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I keep worrying about the timings.

Were they in seconds or minutes cos I am not slapping my Gran Fan for two hours....

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By *elinda BeaverCouple
over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

Never squeezed my legs tighter!!

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman
over a year ago

Manchester(ish).


"

#dryasabone.

Is that because you've squirted it all out

J"

Like squashing a steak pudding in a cob*.

* other bread products are available.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere

I can still make a woman squirt 16 gallons of ladyjuice in 25 seconds with just one finger and a cheeky smile….

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle

OP was TL:DR. Can someone let me know how to make a woman squirt in less the 50 words please?

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish


"I keep worrying about the timings.

Were they in seconds or minutes cos I am not slapping my Gran Fan for two hours.... "

I'm definitely a Gran Fan, you have the best way with words

J

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"OP was TL:DR. Can someone let me know how to make a woman squirt in less the 50 words please?"

Of course.

Fill bladder

Deny toilet leave

Fuck hard

Squirt.

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By *d4fun73Man
over a year ago

Shipley

Don't you just love the forums

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By *r SproutMan
over a year ago

the middle


"OP was TL:DR. Can someone let me know how to make a woman squirt in less the 50 words please?

Of course.

Fill bladder

Deny toilet leave

Fuck hard

Squirt."

Thanks I’ll give it a go

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Don't you just love the forums "

I don't think the OP will agree with you

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By *adCherriesCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire/Northwest

No thanks, watching a woman p*ss herself does nothing for me

Mr

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

This is the least erotic thing I have read in my entire life. I’ve gone off my lunch (and that takes some doing).

I’ve read Hayne’s manuals on oil changes with more subtlety & sex appeal.

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By *d4fun73Man
over a year ago

Shipley


"Don't you just love the forums

I don't think the OP will agree with you "

Probably not, not the worse that's been said!

Or his inbox is rammed with ladies clammering for his attention!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So I need to be a contortionist, able to pat my head and rub my stomach in different directions, and follow a recipe.

Yeah I'm too old for that.

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Sounds god dam amazing!! X

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

I'm confused. I thought the failsafe method involved Mentos and Coca-Cola.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op, do you have any verifications to back up your amazing technique and do you also offer any aftercare for all the friction burned vaginas you'll be leaving behind you?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

huh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not sure I could concentrate on the stop watch with all that ramming

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly what I wanted to know, how to get myself to squirt and to be told by a man who doesn't know me or my body at all, so appealing.

Squirting is not the best orgasm I can have.

Not by a long shot.

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By *attiB87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Liverpool

1I'm not an expert or any Casanova, once in my life I managed to make a woman ejaculate and I was very interested and excited at the same time, amazing experiences. I agree every womanshe has a different body and reacts differently to different kinds of caresses, one touching her can have an orgasm in a few minutes and after licking her pussy can come in 30 seconds, there is no one-size-fits-all way to make a woman ejaculate. Therefore, the most important thing in my opinion is to practice by observing how a woman reacts and how her body reacts to a given touch or caress.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So this detailed sure fire method is based on one successful outing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Buy a nerf water squirter

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By *attiB87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Liverpool

This article is not mine, I just found it and wanted to share. I don't know who wrote it, as I say, he's no expert and I will never be,, and as someone wrote above that a man will eymad he will not eymad himself I'm just curious about this topic and this technique is not my philosophy or way to achieve female ejaculate

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish


"This article is not mine, I just found it and wanted to share. I don't know who wrote it, as I say, he's no expert and I will never be,, and as someone wrote above that a man will eymad he will not eymad himself I'm just curious about this topic and this technique is not my philosophy or way to achieve female ejaculate "

Probably would've been best to write that in your opening post.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)


"I keep worrying about the timings.

Were they in seconds or minutes cos I am not slapping my Gran Fan for two hours.... "

...and not once mentioned lube

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By *attiB87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Liverpool

No Butterfly, my experience has nothing to do with this method because it was about 12 years ago and I read this method about 2 hours ago. Not to judge me as some kind of expert, I added this post for the purpose of loose discussion. I will never be a Woman and not experience it from your perspective. so women can speak up. I just brought up a rather interesting topic for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m speechless.

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By *attiB87 OP   Man
over a year ago

Liverpool

JulieandBeef

Yes you have absolutely right I fix this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I got Penny secondhand so she didn't come with the instructions, thank god you shared them.

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"This is the least erotic thing I have read in my entire life. I’ve gone off my lunch (and that takes some doing).

I’ve read Hayne’s manuals on oil changes with more subtlety & sex appeal."

How often do you have to have your oil changed?

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By *ixieAndHerKingCouple
over a year ago

Debauchery

I followed this step by step and am now stuck with a cramping hand wedged in my vagina, which has dried up despite the the amount of saliva I've spat at it. My clit is no longer responding probably because it's been bitch slapped repeatedly for 2.45 minutes and I believe I may have shoved my big boy 2000 dildo up my arse as I can no longer feel anything from the waist down... It's not pretty. And I still haven't cum.

Cherry x

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair


"I’m speechless."

•

James and the Giant Speech.

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

Shit joke ^

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

Sorry.

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

OP, I feel for you. You found this article and posted it without any context, went for a brew and came back to find all hell has broken loose. If you want to know what women think of these things please just ask nicely. Unfortunately Fab has no edit button so you will look like 'wanker of the day' until this post disappears but hopefully people won't hold it against you as I do think it was a genuine mistake.

J

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere


"I followed this step by step and am now stuck with a cramping hand wedged in my vagina, which has dried up despite the the amount of saliva I've spat at it. My clit is no longer responding probably because it's been bitch slapped repeatedly for 2.45 minutes and I believe I may have shoved my big boy 2000 dildo up my arse as I can no longer feel anything from the waist down... It's not pretty. And I still haven't cum.

Cherry x "

User error Obviously - you’re supposed to pump the dildo in time to staying alive… or let Vinny Jones do it!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good God... I'm not a woman but even I can feel a woman's pain trying to read that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Please tell me this is a joke?

Pxx

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By *eliusMan
over a year ago

Henlow

Awesome, now explain FIFA’s rules governing handball .. bet yah can’t!!

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By *ulkuriMan
over a year ago

London


"1I'm not an expert or any Casanova, once in my life I managed to make a woman ejaculate and I was very interested and excited at the same time, amazing experiences. I agree every womanshe has a different body and reacts differently to different kinds of caresses, one touching her can have an orgasm in a few minutes and after licking her pussy can come in 30 seconds, there is no one-size-fits-all way to make a woman ejaculate. Therefore, the most important thing in my opinion is to practice by observing how a woman reacts and how her body reacts to a given touch or caress."

Hold up. YOU managed to get a WOMAN TO SQUIRT ONCE and was able to WRITE a fully detailed and TIMED IDIOT PROOF INSTRUCTIONS based on that one EXPERIENCE?

I mean, being present during sex is important, but would assume that women feel a bit unwanted while you are taking notes? Sorry, ran out of my big boy letters...

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"This article is not mine, I just found it and wanted to share. I don't know who wrote it, as I say, he's no expert and I will never be,, and as someone wrote above that a man will eymad he will not eymad himself I'm just curious about this topic and this technique is not my philosophy or way to achieve female ejaculate "

OP, do you want to know how to make best penis orgasm ever? Well, lucky you - I’m here for you! Just follow these simple steps and you will make best orgasm from penis.

First, lie on your bed naked. Put one finger all the way into your mouth, then trail it around your own lips, down to your nipples, then PUNCH. Punch your nipples for 30-156 seconds. This is important bit and guaranteed results.

Then, bite your left shoulder and grab the right testicle. Roll it around in your hand and then ping it like an elastic band. Do this for 120-140 seconds. NO LESS!

Then get your winkie woo hard. Do this by slapping it back and forth. You don’t know this but it likes it.

Now yank it like you’re pulling head off. GO FAST AND CRAZY. Do this for long time.

Then - grab rolling pin (I should say get from kitchen before) and shove up bumhole but KEEP wank cock hard and fast. Do for TEN MINUTES!!

You might feel like you need pee but this is good. It is much penis squirt.

Keep fuck yourself with rolling pin and wanking HARD. Before you cum, look in mirror and wink yourself. You will cum from penis like NEVER BEFORE.

HUGE SQUIRT and best number one hot penis orgasm ever in world.

Guaranteed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Which magazine publishes articles with all caps? I need more of this in my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"JulieandBeef

Yes you have absolutely right I fix this "

Polishguy36, if you tap ‘reply+quote’ under a comment you want to respond to, people know it’s them, and you don’t have to type someone’s name each time.

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By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Nowhere


"Awesome, now explain FIFA’s rules governing handball .. bet yah can’t!!"

If the ball looks Like it’s going to be ‘in the general area’ of a hand its a penalty and an instant sending off… the linesman is also entitled to give you a cheeky slap or elbow for being a cheat… 12 match suspension and loss of all Sponsorship ( includes goalkeepers in the area)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don’t think this is going to go very well at all.

Mansplaining to women how to achieve a certain kind of orgasm and saying it’s the best.

Ugh "

Right?! Glad you said it first….

Also, the times? Who in the hell has that much time on their hands?! Some of us have to work and actually do have a life!! Lol

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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago

Redhill

I got tired from reading that. Off for a lie down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Well fuck me sideways and call me Agnes after all these years as woman I've been doing it all wrong and needed man to point out im exactly the same as every female with the same exact body how to squirt and what it feels like.

What a foolish woman I am... I doth my cap to you sir well done I'm off to lay tarpaulin down and frig myself till I've squirted to a mere fluid drop is left in my body. "

Howling at fuck me sideways and call me Agnes!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This article is not mine, I just found it and wanted to share. I don't know who wrote it, as I say, he's no expert and I will never be,, and as someone wrote above that a man will eymad he will not eymad himself I'm just curious about this topic and this technique is not my philosophy or way to achieve female ejaculate "

You should of put that in the OP, might of saved you from getting lambasted about mansplaining wkmens body's and orgasams. You must of realised the reaction you would get with no explanation or did you just think it would be funny to see how women would react to being told how their bodies worked?

Pxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/04/23 12:02:15]

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

I have an even better method that not only works for women, but for we chaps to: Simply conceal a hosepipe between your thighs and with your finger held mostly over the end, turn on the tap...

You’ll gush like a pro and be the envy of all your friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I got tired from reading that. Off for a lie down. "

Don't forget to slap your tits whilst you're there

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London


"Shit joke ^"

Don't feel bad, Nero - you've made worse!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I need to be a contortionist, able to pat my head and rub my stomach in different directions, and follow a recipe.

Yeah I'm too old for that. "

Don't forget about the stopwatch for those timings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m speechless."

Understandable ...but are you gushing

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By *ontWannaMissASwingCouple
over a year ago

Bristol

Do you think a stopwatch or an egg timer was used for the timings

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah yes. Being told how to squirt by a man makes all the sense

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Ah yes. Being told how to squirt by a man makes all the sense "

How will we ever understand ourselves without being told?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/04/23 12:20:50]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you think a stopwatch or an egg timer was used for the timings"

Many tiny hourglasses

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"Do you think a stopwatch or an egg timer was used for the timings

Many tiny hourglasses"

I'm imagining it like when I'm cooking. The oven timer goes off, the microwave timer goes off, the other oven timer goes off, my phone timer starts beeping...

All that beeping gets me in the mood...

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree


"This is the least erotic thing I have read in my entire life. I’ve gone off my lunch (and that takes some doing).

I’ve read Hayne’s manuals on oil changes with more subtlety & sex appeal.

How often do you have to have your oil changed?"

Daily. I fear I’ve sprung a leak

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"This is the least erotic thing I have read in my entire life. I’ve gone off my lunch (and that takes some doing).

I’ve read Hayne’s manuals on oil changes with more subtlety & sex appeal.

How often do you have to have your oil changed?

Daily. I fear I’ve sprung a leak "

That’ll be why those hips have started creaking

Get Mr Misty on the job with some builders caulk

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)


"I have an even better method that not only works for women, but for we chaps to: Simply conceal a hosepipe between your thighs and with your finger held mostly over the end, turn on the tap...

You’ll gush like a pro and be the envy of all your friends "

... what about your water bill though?!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire

no wonder i keep hearing about damp houses ffs

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


"OP, I feel for you. You found this article and posted it without any context, went for a brew and came back to find all hell has broken loose. If you want to know what women think of these things please just ask nicely. Unfortunately Fab has no edit button so you will look like 'wanker of the day' until this post disappears but hopefully people won't hold it against you as I do think it was a genuine mistake.

J"

Indeed!

Always a lesson learned from it though, try as best you can to provide the most context in the OP as you can. As much detail as possible.

Very rarely will follow up comments from the OP be noticed after the damage is done. Each new poster will see the OP and skip to the end to throw their own opinion in (I do it at times). This means any extra detail or explanation will often be missed among the outrage.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I lost interest in the lengthy intro from OP, but love the comments section. Definitely brought a smile to my face, now for some lunch.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *otBrunetteHimCouple
over a year ago

birmingham

Do the timings have to be exact? If I have to keep setting a timer I fear we could lose the momentum…. If we do is it still guaranteed to work

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Heyy girls….. Squirting is THE MOST POWERFUL ORGASM you can have, now most think that it is only a few girl can have this type of orgasm…. but I tell you that it is Possible ALL WOMEN TO SQUIRT! Now this technique is my favorite and seems to work well….. in fact Ive never heard a complaint against it. So lay back do as I say and by the end of this post you’ll be squirting like a pornstar!!!

Its always a good way to start by licking your fingers…. getting them really wet and using them to pull and twease your nipples.

Once they are nice and hard, slap them may not be to all women’s taste but go with me…. slap them, then slowly rub your hands down your body and start to slowly play with your clit.

Play with your clit in this way till you start to get wet ( or if your already wet to keep your juices flowing) after about 30-1.30 doing this SLAP YOU CLIT then really rub it as hard and as fast as you can!!!! HARD AND FAST

Now this is where the fun really starts….. when you get really wet take either a toy in one hand or if you don’t have a toy use 2 fingers on your main hand…. SLOWLY slide it or them into your pussy WHALST STILL RUBBING CLIT WITH OTHER HAND HARD!!!

After about 45-2.00 of this start to ram your toy or your fingers into your pussy!! AS HARD AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN whilst still rubbing your clit hard with the other hand!

When you are at your wettest or… if your feeling close at this point….. ANGLE YOUR FINGERS OR THE TOY UP AND PUSH HARD AND FAST INTO YOUR G-SPOT….. important that it is fast and hard! With the other hand rubbing the clit try to rub it still but press down as hard as you can… almost as if you are trying to touch whatever it is ramming your G-spot!! STAY FAST AND HARD

Keep doing this till you Orgasm…. WHEN YOU DO ORGASM IT IS IMORTANT TO KEEP GOING…. stay hard and fast on both!!!

When you feel like you are going to pee relax its your squirt coming….. you are close now…. JUST KEEP RAMMING THE G-SPOT AS HARD AS YOU CAN AND RUB THE CLIT HARD!

When you feel it coming DONT STOP…… KEEP GOING YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HEAR YOUR PUSSY SQUELCHING!!

When you do stop it should be WHEN YOU CANT TAKE ANYMORE AND WHEN YOU HAVE SQUIRTED"

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"That’ll be why those hips have started creaking

Get Mr Misty on the job with some builders caulk"

Don’t mind me. Just quietly guffawing over ‘caulk’

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"I lost interest in the lengthy intro from OP, but love the comments section. Definitely brought a smile to my face, now for some lunch."

Do you need me to tell you where your own kitchen is ?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *mTheMrJMan
over a year ago

Barry

Even I cringed reading this.

Im feeling sorry for any woman he tries to make squirt.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree


"That’ll be why those hips have started creaking

Get Mr Misty on the job with some builders caulk

Don’t mind me. Just quietly guffawing over ‘caulk’

"

I’m pissing myself

(Or is it squirt)

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *illan-KillashMan
over a year ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants

Showed up for the comments.

Wasn't disappointed.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *illan-KillashMan
over a year ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants


"I've never felt less like having an orgasm, ever.

#dryasabone. "

https://youtu.be/lqpe5NiMVXQ

Real Love...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"Heyy girls….. Squirting is THE MOST POWERFUL ORGASM you can have"

No it's not.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ixieAndHerKingCouple
over a year ago

Debauchery


"I followed this step by step and am now stuck with a cramping hand wedged in my vagina, which has dried up despite the the amount of saliva I've spat at it. My clit is no longer responding probably because it's been bitch slapped repeatedly for 2.45 minutes and I believe I may have shoved my big boy 2000 dildo up my arse as I can no longer feel anything from the waist down... It's not pretty. And I still haven't cum.

Cherry x

User error Obviously - you’re supposed to pump the dildo in time to staying alive… or let Vinny Jones do it!! "

I bet he could make me piss... sorry, squirt all over him

Cherry x

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

From what I've just read all you're telling us to do it batter our bladders from the inside of our vaginas until we involuntarily piss ourselves.

I value my bladder too much for that kind of treatment.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

"When you feel like you are going to pee"

You are, get yourself to the toilet.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Send that in for Take A Break's Top Tips, might be worth the £10 they offer.

£25 if you send a photo with it

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit


"Is this satire or genuine? I can't tell."

I was gonna say exactly same !

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stone the crows!!!

J would have so much friction damage I wouldn’t be allowed anywhere near her for a long time!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ah yes. Being told how to squirt by a man makes all the sense

How will we ever understand ourselves without being told?"

Well. Erm. Good point

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aizyWoman
over a year ago

west midlands

I'm knackered just reading that, never squirted never wanted to, I'll stick to good old fashioned orgasms thanks!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aekaeWoman
over a year ago

Between a cock and a soft place

As Ted Talks go........

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is the least erotic thing I have read in my entire life. I’ve gone off my lunch (and that takes some doing).

I’ve read Hayne’s manuals on oil changes with more subtlety & sex appeal."

But surely you'd agree that the one on four stroke performance tuning is a real bodice ripper...

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Transsexual Transylvania

Christ on a crutch!

I know people like the OP exist, but I still can't believe it when I read bullshit like this. The sheer entitled presumption is breathtaking.

I've got to assume they're a troll. What else would explain this?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish


"Christ on a crutch!

I know people like the OP exist, but I still can't believe it when I read bullshit like this. The sheer entitled presumption is breathtaking.

I've got to assume they're a troll. What else would explain this?

"

He found it on the Internet and posted without context. He has tried to explain further up but it's lost in the admittedly funny comments.

J

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *avinaTVTV/TS
over a year ago

Transsexual Transylvania


"Christ on a crutch!

I know people like the OP exist, but I still can't believe it when I read bullshit like this. The sheer entitled presumption is breathtaking.

I've got to assume they're a troll. What else would explain this?

He found it on the Internet and posted without context. He has tried to explain further up but it's lost in the admittedly funny comments.

J"

Ah, admittedly I missed his justification.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The OP has explained that he's copied and pasted an article and has no recent squirting experience.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ddkkk91Man
over a year ago

fife

Surely not

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish


"The OP has explained that he's copied and pasted an article and has no recent squirting experience. "

Yep if he'd opened with that and said "I'd like to know more about squirting and found this article, what do you think?" we'd have a similar but slightly kinder thread.

Or maybe he thought he'd end up knee deep in clunge.

No way of knowing but I'm giving benefit of the doubt this time.

J

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"This is the least erotic thing I have read in my entire life. I’ve gone off my lunch (and that takes some doing).

I’ve read Hayne’s manuals on oil changes with more subtlety & sex appeal."

Thats exactly it, not getting a spark, ir should that be SPARK

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

An infographic might be helpful

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago

all loved up

The OP was obviously written by someone that has never made a woman orgasm.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The OP has explained that he's copied and pasted an article and has no recent squirting experience.

Yep if he'd opened with that and said "I'd like to know more about squirting and found this article, what do you think?" we'd have a similar but slightly kinder thread.

Or maybe he thought he'd end up knee deep in clunge.

No way of knowing but I'm giving benefit of the doubt this time.

J"

I'm sceptical tbh. But I do love the phrase "knee deep in clunge"!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aekaeWoman
over a year ago

Between a cock and a soft place

I'm looking for a "Lads, how to give yourself the best wank ever" thread, written by a lady.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wow a full explanation of how to pleasure myself , by a man. How the fuck did I ever survive until now.

Squirting is not the most powerful orgasm at all for me it's very substandard to a clitoral orgasm and they feel nothing alike

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm looking for a "Lads, how to give yourself the best wank ever" thread, written by a lady. "

Granny Crumpet has started one!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London


"Daily. I fear I’ve sprung a leak "

No Misty, that’s just your new piercing.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"An infographic might be helpful "

Kind of like paint by numbers!! Squirt by numbers. Step 1 insert finger in slot A

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *entlemanrogueMan
over a year ago

Motherwell

Insert both middle fingers, curl, apply pressure.

Works more often than not.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *aekaeWoman
over a year ago

Between a cock and a soft place


"I'm looking for a "Lads, how to give yourself the best wank ever" thread, written by a lady.

Granny Crumpet has started one!! "

Oh bless her, I love GC.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think that might be the most unsexy thing I've ever read on fab and I've had some fucking nasty messages. Well done

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree


"This is the least erotic thing I have read in my entire life. I’ve gone off my lunch (and that takes some doing).

I’ve read Hayne’s manuals on oil changes with more subtlety & sex appeal.

Thats exactly it, not getting a spark, ir should that be SPARK "

Don’t get me started on timing belt tuning

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree


"Daily. I fear I’ve sprung a leak

No Misty, that’s just your new piercing."

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Am I reading this right? Are you actually telling us girls how to pleasure ourselves? A community of sex loving grown women who have been making themselves come all their adult lives?! Wtf

Take a nap

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London


"Don’t get me started on timing belt tuning "

I have a special tool for that. With just the right curve to reach where it needs to.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I think that might be the most unsexy thing I've ever read on fab and I've had some fucking nasty messages. Well done "

You must have missed the thread a while back from a lad who claimed he came about 3 litres a day from masturbating

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ulieAndBeefCouple
over a year ago

Manchester-ish

Only another 30 - 40 posts until this drops off the radar OP. Use that site supporter status to change your name and profile pic. Comment on another 35 threads. Forgotten.

J

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I only scanned over the OP. Saw the word ramming and that was enough for me

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *illan-KillashMan
over a year ago

London/Sussex/Surrey/Berks/Hants


"I think that might be the most unsexy thing I've ever read on fab and I've had some fucking nasty messages. Well done

You must have missed the thread a while back from a lad who claimed he came about 3 litres a day from masturbating "

Wait, what...... 3 litres A DAY!!!!!!!!!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for the mansplain OP...now bend over so I can finger bang your bumhole. Can you squirt? You will after I've finished with you

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *urls and DressesWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere near here

I squirted from pissing myself laughing of you explaining what every single needs to squirt, claiming it’s the most intense orgasm.

Newsflash, we’re not robots, there isn’t some magical coding for us to be pleasured

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hogun300Man
over a year ago

Dundee


"

Heyy girls….. Squirting is THE MOST POWERFUL ORGASM you can have, now most think that it is only a few girl can have this type of orgasm…. but I tell you that it is Possible ALL WOMEN TO SQUIRT! Now this technique is my favorite and seems to work well….. in fact Ive never heard a complaint against it. So lay back do as I say and by the end of this post you’ll be squirting like a pornstar!!!

Its always a good way to start by licking your fingers…. getting them really wet and using them to pull and twease your nipples.

Once they are nice and hard, slap them may not be to all women’s taste but go with me…. slap them, then slowly rub your hands down your body and start to slowly play with your clit.

Play with your clit in this way till you start to get wet ( or if your already wet to keep your juices flowing) after about 30-1.30 doing this SLAP YOU CLIT then really rub it as hard and as fast as you can!!!! HARD AND FAST

Now this is where the fun really starts….. when you get really wet take either a toy in one hand or if you don’t have a toy use 2 fingers on your main hand…. SLOWLY slide it or them into your pussy WHALST STILL RUBBING CLIT WITH OTHER HAND HARD!!!

After about 45-2.00 of this start to ram your toy or your fingers into your pussy!! AS HARD AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN whilst still rubbing your clit hard with the other hand!

When you are at your wettest or… if your feeling close at this point….. ANGLE YOUR FINGERS OR THE TOY UP AND PUSH HARD AND FAST INTO YOUR G-SPOT….. important that it is fast and hard! With the other hand rubbing the clit try to rub it still but press down as hard as you can… almost as if you are trying to touch whatever it is ramming your G-spot!! STAY FAST AND HARD

Keep doing this till you Orgasm…. WHEN YOU DO ORGASM IT IS IMORTANT TO KEEP GOING…. stay hard and fast on both!!!

When you feel like you are going to pee relax its your squirt coming….. you are close now…. JUST KEEP RAMMING THE G-SPOT AS HARD AS YOU CAN AND RUB THE CLIT HARD!

When you feel it coming DONT STOP…… KEEP GOING YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HEAR YOUR PUSSY SQUELCHING!!

When you do stop it should be WHEN YOU CANT TAKE ANYMORE AND WHEN YOU HAVE SQUIRTED"

Squirting is not the same as an orgasam.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Will this lecture be available on audio cassette?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hogun300Man
over a year ago

Dundee


"

Heyy girls….. Squirting is THE MOST POWERFUL ORGASM you can have, now most think that it is only a few girl can have this type of orgasm…. but I tell you that it is Possible ALL WOMEN TO SQUIRT! Now this technique is my favorite and seems to work well….. in fact Ive never heard a complaint against it. So lay back do as I say and by the end of this post you’ll be squirting like a pornstar!!!

Its always a good way to start by licking your fingers…. getting them really wet and using them to pull and twease your nipples.

Once they are nice and hard, slap them may not be to all women’s taste but go with me…. slap them, then slowly rub your hands down your body and start to slowly play with your clit.

Play with your clit in this way till you start to get wet ( or if your already wet to keep your juices flowing) after about 30-1.30 doing this SLAP YOU CLIT then really rub it as hard and as fast as you can!!!! HARD AND FAST

Now this is where the fun really starts….. when you get really wet take either a toy in one hand or if you don’t have a toy use 2 fingers on your main hand…. SLOWLY slide it or them into your pussy WHALST STILL RUBBING CLIT WITH OTHER HAND HARD!!!

After about 45-2.00 of this start to ram your toy or your fingers into your pussy!! AS HARD AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN whilst still rubbing your clit hard with the other hand!

When you are at your wettest or… if your feeling close at this point….. ANGLE YOUR FINGERS OR THE TOY UP AND PUSH HARD AND FAST INTO YOUR G-SPOT….. important that it is fast and hard! With the other hand rubbing the clit try to rub it still but press down as hard as you can… almost as if you are trying to touch whatever it is ramming your G-spot!! STAY FAST AND HARD

Keep doing this till you Orgasm…. WHEN YOU DO ORGASM IT IS IMORTANT TO KEEP GOING…. stay hard and fast on both!!!

When you feel like you are going to pee relax its your squirt coming….. you are close now…. JUST KEEP RAMMING THE G-SPOT AS HARD AS YOU CAN AND RUB THE CLIT HARD!

When you feel it coming DONT STOP…… KEEP GOING YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HEAR YOUR PUSSY SQUELCHING!!

When you do stop it should be WHEN YOU CANT TAKE ANYMORE AND WHEN YOU HAVE SQUIRTED

Squirting is not the same as an orgasam. "

Also can not believe you have just mansplained this. It's their bodies and they will know it far better than you ever will.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London


"Will this lecture be available on audio cassette?"

I’m not sure I could handle that much shouting.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…


"I have an even better method that not only works for women, but for we chaps to: Simply conceal a hosepipe between your thighs and with your finger held mostly over the end, turn on the tap...

You’ll gush like a pro and be the envy of all your friends

... what about your water bill though?! "

Ah, that is the slight downside to this wondrous art. Also, it is probably best to check with one’s local council if a hosepipe ban is presently in force….

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hogun300Man
over a year ago

Dundee


"This article is not mine, I just found it and wanted to share. I don't know who wrote it, as I say, he's no expert and I will never be,, and as someone wrote above that a man will eymad he will not eymad himself I'm just curious about this topic and this technique is not my philosophy or way to achieve female ejaculate "

So you were if this went well going to take the credit for it but now it hasn't you are distancing yourself? Good move, no one will notice.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Heyy girls….. Squirting is THE MOST POWERFUL ORGASM you can have, now most think that it is only a few girl can have this type of orgasm…. but I tell you that it is Possible ALL WOMEN TO SQUIRT! Now this technique is my favorite and seems to work well….. in fact Ive never heard a complaint against it. So lay back do as I say and by the end of this post you’ll be squirting like a pornstar!!!

Its always a good way to start by licking your fingers…. getting them really wet and using them to pull and twease your nipples.

Once they are nice and hard, slap them may not be to all women’s taste but go with me…. slap them, then slowly rub your hands down your body and start to slowly play with your clit.

Play with your clit in this way till you start to get wet ( or if your already wet to keep your juices flowing) after about 30-1.30 doing this SLAP YOU CLIT then really rub it as hard and as fast as you can!!!! HARD AND FAST

Now this is where the fun really starts….. when you get really wet take either a toy in one hand or if you don’t have a toy use 2 fingers on your main hand…. SLOWLY slide it or them into your pussy WHALST STILL RUBBING CLIT WITH OTHER HAND HARD!!!

After about 45-2.00 of this start to ram your toy or your fingers into your pussy!! AS HARD AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN whilst still rubbing your clit hard with the other hand!

When you are at your wettest or… if your feeling close at this point….. ANGLE YOUR FINGERS OR THE TOY UP AND PUSH HARD AND FAST INTO YOUR G-SPOT….. important that it is fast and hard! With the other hand rubbing the clit try to rub it still but press down as hard as you can… almost as if you are trying to touch whatever it is ramming your G-spot!! STAY FAST AND HARD

Keep doing this till you Orgasm…. WHEN YOU DO ORGASM IT IS IMORTANT TO KEEP GOING…. stay hard and fast on both!!!

When you feel like you are going to pee relax its your squirt coming….. you are close now…. JUST KEEP RAMMING THE G-SPOT AS HARD AS YOU CAN AND RUB THE CLIT HARD!

When you feel it coming DONT STOP…… KEEP GOING YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HEAR YOUR PUSSY SQUELCHING!!

When you do stop it should be WHEN YOU CANT TAKE ANYMORE AND WHEN YOU HAVE SQUIRTED

Squirting is not the same as an orgasam.

Also can not believe you have just mansplained this. It's their bodies and they will know it far better than you ever will. "

And also I couldn't follow the instructions, I'm dyslexic and god knows what would end up god knows where and I'd be ramming something. I don't know my left from my right and I only have two hands, I think I need 20 hands. Be like a weird sexual twister game

OP, you think you could put this into a visual format please so it's additional ability friendly please

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair


"Shit joke ^

Don't feel bad, Nero - you've made worse! "

•

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford


"

Heyy girls….. Squirting is THE MOST POWERFUL ORGASM you can have, now most think that it is only a few girl can have this type of orgasm…. but I tell you that it is Possible ALL WOMEN TO SQUIRT! Now this technique is my favorite and seems

to work well….. in fact Ive never heard a complaint against it. So lay back do as I say and by the end of this post you’ll be squirting like a pornstar!!!

Its always a good way to start by licking your fingers…. getting them really wet and using them to pull and twease your nipples.

Once they are nice and hard, slap them may not be to all women’s taste but go with me…. slap them, then slowly rub your hands down your body and start to slowly play with your clit.

Play with your clit in this way till you start to get wet ( or if your already wet to keep your juices flowing) after about 30-1.30 doing this SLAP YOU CLIT then really rub it as hard and as fast as you can!!!! HARD AND FAST

Now this is where the fun really starts….. when you get really wet take either a toy in one hand or if you don’t have a toy use 2 fingers on your main hand…. SLOWLY slide it or them into your pussy WHALST STILL RUBBING CLIT WITH OTHER HAND HARD!!!

After about 45-2.00 of this start to ram your toy or your fingers into your pussy!! AS HARD AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN whilst still rubbing your clit hard with the other hand!

When you are at your wettest or… if your feeling close at this point….. ANGLE YOUR FINGERS OR THE TOY UP AND PUSH HARD AND FAST INTO YOUR G-SPOT….. important that it is fast and hard! With the other hand rubbing the clit try to rub it still but press down as hard as you can… almost as if you are trying to touch whatever it is ramming your G-spot!! STAY FAST AND HARD

Keep doing this till you Orgasm…. WHEN YOU DO ORGASM IT IS IMORTANT TO KEEP GOING…. stay hard and fast on both!!!

When you feel like you are going to pee relax its your squirt coming….. you are close now…. JUST KEEP RAMMING THE G-SPOT AS HARD AS YOU CAN AND RUB THE CLIT HARD!

When you feel it coming DONT STOP…… KEEP GOING YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HEAR YOUR PUSSY SQUELCHING!!

When you do stop it should be WHEN YOU CANT TAKE ANYMORE AND WHEN YOU HAVE SQUIRTED"

It seems someone's talking bollock

I can see some no win no fee lawyers on the case

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I've squirted loads of times with no orgasm and orgasmed loads with no squatting. They really arnt the same

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By *hogun300Man
over a year ago

Dundee


"

Heyy girls….. Squirting is THE MOST POWERFUL ORGASM you can have, now most think that it is only a few girl can have this type of orgasm…. but I tell you that it is Possible ALL WOMEN TO SQUIRT! Now this technique is my favorite and seems to work well….. in fact Ive never heard a complaint against it. So lay back do as I say and by the end of this post you’ll be squirting like a pornstar!!!

Its always a good way to start by licking your fingers…. getting them really wet and using them to pull and twease your nipples.

Once they are nice and hard, slap them may not be to all women’s taste but go with me…. slap them, then slowly rub your hands down your body and start to slowly play with your clit.

Play with your clit in this way till you start to get wet ( or if your already wet to keep your juices flowing) after about 30-1.30 doing this SLAP YOU CLIT then really rub it as hard and as fast as you can!!!! HARD AND FAST

Now this is where the fun really starts….. when you get really wet take either a toy in one hand or if you don’t have a toy use 2 fingers on your main hand…. SLOWLY slide it or them into your pussy WHALST STILL RUBBING CLIT WITH OTHER HAND HARD!!!

After about 45-2.00 of this start to ram your toy or your fingers into your pussy!! AS HARD AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN whilst still rubbing your clit hard with the other hand!

When you are at your wettest or… if your feeling close at this point….. ANGLE YOUR FINGERS OR THE TOY UP AND PUSH HARD AND FAST INTO YOUR G-SPOT….. important that it is fast and hard! With the other hand rubbing the clit try to rub it still but press down as hard as you can… almost as if you are trying to touch whatever it is ramming your G-spot!! STAY FAST AND HARD

Keep doing this till you Orgasm…. WHEN YOU DO ORGASM IT IS IMORTANT TO KEEP GOING…. stay hard and fast on both!!!

When you feel like you are going to pee relax its your squirt coming….. you are close now…. JUST KEEP RAMMING THE G-SPOT AS HARD AS YOU CAN AND RUB THE CLIT HARD!

When you feel it coming DONT STOP…… KEEP GOING YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HEAR YOUR PUSSY SQUELCHING!!

When you do stop it should be WHEN YOU CANT TAKE ANYMORE AND WHEN YOU HAVE SQUIRTED

Squirting is not the same as an orgasam.

Also can not believe you have just mansplained this. It's their bodies and they will know it far better than you ever will.

And also I couldn't follow the instructions, I'm dyslexic and god knows what would end up god knows where and I'd be ramming something. I don't know my left from my right and I only have two hands, I think I need 20 hands. Be like a weird sexual twister game

OP, you think you could put this into a visual format please so it's additional ability friendly please "

An instruction video maybe. Any volunteers to be the guinea pig for him?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I've just read the OP properly and all I can say is what aload of bollocks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Heyy girls….. Squirting is THE MOST POWERFUL ORGASM you can have, now most think that it is only a few girl can have this type of orgasm…. but I tell you that it is Possible ALL WOMEN TO SQUIRT! Now this technique is my favorite and seems to work well….. in fact Ive never heard a complaint against it. So lay back do as I say and by the end of this post you’ll be squirting like a pornstar!!!

Its always a good way to start by licking your fingers…. getting them really wet and using them to pull and twease your nipples.

Once they are nice and hard, slap them may not be to all women’s taste but go with me…. slap them, then slowly rub your hands down your body and start to slowly play with your clit.

Play with your clit in this way till you start to get wet ( or if your already wet to keep your juices flowing) after about 30-1.30 doing this SLAP YOU CLIT then really rub it as hard and as fast as you can!!!! HARD AND FAST

Now this is where the fun really starts….. when you get really wet take either a toy in one hand or if you don’t have a toy use 2 fingers on your main hand…. SLOWLY slide it or them into your pussy WHALST STILL RUBBING CLIT WITH OTHER HAND HARD!!!

After about 45-2.00 of this start to ram your toy or your fingers into your pussy!! AS HARD AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN whilst still rubbing your clit hard with the other hand!

When you are at your wettest or… if your feeling close at this point….. ANGLE YOUR FINGERS OR THE TOY UP AND PUSH HARD AND FAST INTO YOUR G-SPOT….. important that it is fast and hard! With the other hand rubbing the clit try to rub it still but press down as hard as you can… almost as if you are trying to touch whatever it is ramming your G-spot!! STAY FAST AND HARD

Keep doing this till you Orgasm…. WHEN YOU DO ORGASM IT IS IMORTANT TO KEEP GOING…. stay hard and fast on both!!!

When you feel like you are going to pee relax its your squirt coming….. you are close now…. JUST KEEP RAMMING THE G-SPOT AS HARD AS YOU CAN AND RUB THE CLIT HARD!

When you feel it coming DONT STOP…… KEEP GOING YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HEAR YOUR PUSSY SQUELCHING!!

When you do stop it should be WHEN YOU CANT TAKE ANYMORE AND WHEN YOU HAVE SQUIRTED

Squirting is not the same as an orgasam.

Also can not believe you have just mansplained this. It's their bodies and they will know it far better than you ever will.

And also I couldn't follow the instructions, I'm dyslexic and god knows what would end up god knows where and I'd be ramming something. I don't know my left from my right and I only have two hands, I think I need 20 hands. Be like a weird sexual twister game

OP, you think you could put this into a visual format please so it's additional ability friendly please

An instruction video maybe. Any volunteers to be the guinea pig for him?"

I have a left over Turkey from Easter.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Heyy girls….. Squirting is THE MOST POWERFUL ORGASM you can have, now most think that it is only a few girl can have this type of orgasm…. but I tell you that it is Possible ALL WOMEN TO SQUIRT! Now this technique is my favorite and seems to work well….. in fact Ive never heard a complaint against it. So lay back do as I say and by the end of this post you’ll be squirting like a pornstar!!!

Its always a good way to start by licking your fingers…. getting them really wet and using them to pull and twease your nipples.

Once they are nice and hard, slap them may not be to all women’s taste but go with me…. slap them, then slowly rub your hands down your body and start to slowly play with your clit.

Play with your clit in this way till you start to get wet ( or if your already wet to keep your juices flowing) after about 30-1.30 doing this SLAP YOU CLIT then really rub it as hard and as fast as you can!!!! HARD AND FAST

Now this is where the fun really starts….. when you get really wet take either a toy in one hand or if you don’t have a toy use 2 fingers on your main hand…. SLOWLY slide it or them into your pussy WHALST STILL RUBBING CLIT WITH OTHER HAND HARD!!!

After about 45-2.00 of this start to ram your toy or your fingers into your pussy!! AS HARD AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN whilst still rubbing your clit hard with the other hand!

When you are at your wettest or… if your feeling close at this point….. ANGLE YOUR FINGERS OR THE TOY UP AND PUSH HARD AND FAST INTO YOUR G-SPOT….. important that it is fast and hard! With the other hand rubbing the clit try to rub it still but press down as hard as you can… almost as if you are trying to touch whatever it is ramming your G-spot!! STAY FAST AND HARD

Keep doing this till you Orgasm…. WHEN YOU DO ORGASM IT IS IMORTANT TO KEEP GOING…. stay hard and fast on both!!!

When you feel like you are going to pee relax its your squirt coming….. you are close now…. JUST KEEP RAMMING THE G-SPOT AS HARD AS YOU CAN AND RUB THE CLIT HARD!

When you feel it coming DONT STOP…… KEEP GOING YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HEAR YOUR PUSSY SQUELCHING!!

When you do stop it should be WHEN YOU CANT TAKE ANYMORE AND WHEN YOU HAVE SQUIRTED

Squirting is not the same as an orgasam.

Also can not believe you have just mansplained this. It's their bodies and they will know it far better than you ever will.

And also I couldn't follow the instructions, I'm dyslexic and god knows what would end up god knows where and I'd be ramming something. I don't know my left from my right and I only have two hands, I think I need 20 hands. Be like a weird sexual twister game

OP, you think you could put this into a visual format please so it's additional ability friendly please

An instruction video maybe. Any volunteers to be the guinea pig for him?

I have a left over Turkey from Easter."

And does anyone have a sink plunger for when he gets to the ramming bit?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It reads more like how to sand the rust spots from the undercarriage of an old VW Beetle.

I get the feeling whoever wrote it would have been kneed in the balls long before making anyone squirt. But the belly of his VW would be silky smooth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Will this lecture be available on audio cassette?

I’m not sure I could handle that much shouting."

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *hogun300Man
over a year ago

Dundee


"

Heyy girls….. Squirting is THE MOST POWERFUL ORGASM you can have, now most think that it is only a few girl can have this type of orgasm…. but I tell you that it is Possible ALL WOMEN TO SQUIRT! Now this technique is my favorite and seems to work well….. in fact Ive never heard a complaint against it. So lay back do as I say and by the end of this post you’ll be squirting like a pornstar!!!

Its always a good way to start by licking your fingers…. getting them really wet and using them to pull and twease your nipples.

Once they are nice and hard, slap them may not be to all women’s taste but go with me…. slap them, then slowly rub your hands down your body and start to slowly play with your clit.

Play with your clit in this way till you start to get wet ( or if your already wet to keep your juices flowing) after about 30-1.30 doing this SLAP YOU CLIT then really rub it as hard and as fast as you can!!!! HARD AND FAST

Now this is where the fun really starts….. when you get really wet take either a toy in one hand or if you don’t have a toy use 2 fingers on your main hand…. SLOWLY slide it or them into your pussy WHALST STILL RUBBING CLIT WITH OTHER HAND HARD!!!

After about 45-2.00 of this start to ram your toy or your fingers into your pussy!! AS HARD AND AS FAST AS YOU CAN whilst still rubbing your clit hard with the other hand!

When you are at your wettest or… if your feeling close at this point….. ANGLE YOUR FINGERS OR THE TOY UP AND PUSH HARD AND FAST INTO YOUR G-SPOT….. important that it is fast and hard! With the other hand rubbing the clit try to rub it still but press down as hard as you can… almost as if you are trying to touch whatever it is ramming your G-spot!! STAY FAST AND HARD

Keep doing this till you Orgasm…. WHEN YOU DO ORGASM IT IS IMORTANT TO KEEP GOING…. stay hard and fast on both!!!

When you feel like you are going to pee relax its your squirt coming….. you are close now…. JUST KEEP RAMMING THE G-SPOT AS HARD AS YOU CAN AND RUB THE CLIT HARD!

When you feel it coming DONT STOP…… KEEP GOING YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HEAR YOUR PUSSY SQUELCHING!!

When you do stop it should be WHEN YOU CANT TAKE ANYMORE AND WHEN YOU HAVE SQUIRTED

Squirting is not the same as an orgasam.

Also can not believe you have just mansplained this. It's their bodies and they will know it far better than you ever will.

And also I couldn't follow the instructions, I'm dyslexic and god knows what would end up god knows where and I'd be ramming something. I don't know my left from my right and I only have two hands, I think I need 20 hands. Be like a weird sexual twister game

OP, you think you could put this into a visual format please so it's additional ability friendly please

An instruction video maybe. Any volunteers to be the guinea pig for him?

I have a left over Turkey from Easter.

And does anyone have a sink plunger for when he gets to the ramming bit? "

I have a selection in the toy box for making women squirt.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *elvet RopeMan
over a year ago

by the big field

Alternatively, poke the garden hose up your chuff and turn it on- guaranteed lady leakage

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *eiaorganaWoman
over a year ago

Dundee

BRB, just supergluing my flaps shut.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

I'm just going to buy the Mrs a super squirter seems like a much easier way to get wet.

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By *4bimMan
over a year ago

Farnborough Hampshire


"I'm just going to buy the Mrs a super squirter seems like a much easier way to get wet."

noted

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

Little tip from that... slap my clit then run

I'll stick to the method that works for me ta

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By *assy LassieWoman
over a year ago

Lanarkshire

Well OP thanks for the insight. I have attempted your method. My clit has fallen of with the frantic rubbing and my fanny has collapsed screaming for MERCY. I'm now left with sometjing that looks like a Crusty punched lasagne sitting in an arid desert.

Is this what ruined feels like? Will I ever be able to shag again!

Yours, a broken WOMAN

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I actually felt sorry for UP in the end.

I have never seen an OK HAMMERED so much on a thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP

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By *aith SkynbyrdWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere else


"This article is not mine, I just found it and wanted to share. I don't know who wrote it, as I say, he's no expert and I will never be,, and as someone wrote above that a man will eymad he will not eymad himself I'm just curious about this topic and this technique is not my philosophy or way to achieve female ejaculate

OP, do you want to know how to make best penis orgasm ever? Well, lucky you - I’m here for you! Just follow these simple steps and you will make best orgasm from penis.

First, lie on your bed naked. Put one finger all the way into your mouth, then trail it around your own lips, down to your nipples, then PUNCH. Punch your nipples for 30-156 seconds. This is important bit and guaranteed results.

Then, bite your left shoulder and grab the right testicle. Roll it around in your hand and then ping it like an elastic band. Do this for 120-140 seconds. NO LESS!

Then get your winkie woo hard. Do this by slapping it back and forth. You don’t know this but it likes it.

Now yank it like you’re pulling head off. GO FAST AND CRAZY. Do this for long time.

Then - grab rolling pin (I should say get from kitchen before) and shove up bumhole but KEEP wank cock hard and fast. Do for TEN MINUTES!!

You might feel like you need pee but this is good. It is much penis squirt.

Keep fuck yourself with rolling pin and wanking HARD. Before you cum, look in mirror and wink yourself. You will cum from penis like NEVER BEFORE.

HUGE SQUIRT and best number one hot penis orgasm ever in world.

Guaranteed."

off to try this with OP.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well OP thanks for the insight. I have attempted your method. My clit has fallen of with the frantic rubbing and my fanny has collapsed screaming for MERCY. I'm now left with sometjing that looks like a Crusty punched lasagne sitting in an arid desert.

Is this what ruined feels like? Will I ever be able to shag again!

Yours, a broken WOMAN "

LMAO

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By *atisfy janeWoman
over a year ago

Torquay

I laughed so hard at this that a little bit of wee came out, it's like the War and Peace of fanny wanking.

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.


"I laughed so hard at this that a little bit of wee came out, it's like the War and Peace of fanny wanking."

Well he did say he can make you squirt I'm pretty sure this counts

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

I mean obviously men know way more about women's bodies than they do.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

I think I prolapsed reading that

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

I'm trying desperately to be the last... post...

Before...... thread.......

Shuts.

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By *luffy FairyWoman
over a year ago

west LDN


"I followed this step by step and am now stuck with a cramping hand wedged in my vagina, which has dried up despite the the amount of saliva I've spat at it. My clit is no longer responding probably because it's been bitch slapped repeatedly for 2.45 minutes and I believe I may have shoved my big boy 2000 dildo up my arse as I can no longer feel anything from the waist down... It's not pretty. And I still haven't cum.

Cherry x "

You win! I’m dying with laughter here

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