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By *heSilverFox1701 OP   Man
over a year ago

Near Sleaford

I had a recent conversation that I thought I’d share for your thoughts.

It concerned a single woman who said that she thought the following “…I mean if you are married say, and your wife won’t try out some things her husband wants too then I think that’s selfish of her, surely if he’s meeting all her needs then she should meet his…”

I thought this was a bit of an unusual point of view… I said that if the wife doesn’t say, want to have a threesome shouldn’t her view be respected? To which the response was “…she should at least try it with no expectations to keep her husband happy, if it works great, if it doesn’t equally fine but at least try it…”

I’m very much in two minds about this.

What are your thoughts on this hive mind?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think that nobody of any gender should feel obliged or be told they're selfish because they don't want to try something sexual to 'keep their partner happy '

I do think that in the spirit of compromise partners should be willing to discuss things openly to see if there's a compromise that will keep them both happy. I doubt many straight men would be considered selfish if they refused anal sex with a guy because their wife wanted to watch

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Also I think this plays into the old attitude that if you don't give a man what he wants sexually he'll get it elsewhere.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

If one of my partners wants to try something that doesn't particularly appeal to me, but doesn't offend me, I'll give it a go once or twice to see if I can get into it.

If one of my partners wants to try something that I have an instant ick reaction to, I'll give it a miss.

I'd say it's a lot more selfish to push someone into something they don't want to do than to abstain from doing something that would make you unhappy.

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By *heSilverFox1701 OP   Man
over a year ago

Near Sleaford


"I think that nobody of any gender should feel obliged or be told they're selfish because they don't want to try something sexual to 'keep their partner happy '

I do think that in the spirit of compromise partners should be willing to discuss things openly to see if there's a compromise that will keep them both happy. I doubt many straight men would be considered selfish if they refused anal sex with a guy because their wife wanted to watch "

I’m very much inclined to agree. Thought it was just me! Lol

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By *ugarbonkCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

No mixed feelings from me about this. Life is a debate. You speak about things with everyone you meet through your life and you compromise. There is no "You must"

What if your partner said "I want us to inject heroin using a dirty needle we found on the street" would you be happy doing that or would you want to discuss your reasons for and against?

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By *heSilverFox1701 OP   Man
over a year ago

Near Sleaford


"If one of my partners wants to try something that doesn't particularly appeal to me, but doesn't offend me, I'll give it a go once or twice to see if I can get into it.

If one of my partners wants to try something that I have an instant ick reaction to, I'll give it a miss.

I'd say it's a lot more selfish to push someone into something they don't want to do than to abstain from doing something that would make you unhappy."

This sounds like a much more healthy attitude to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah I’m not going be pressured into doing anything sexual that I don’t want to just because my partner likes it.

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By *heSilverFox1701 OP   Man
over a year ago

Near Sleaford


"Yeah I’m not going be pressured into doing anything sexual that I don’t want to just because my partner likes it. "

I thought that too like I said earlier I thought it was just me!

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

I don't think anyone should do anything they don't want to, even if it's something their partner really wants.

It's being guilted into doing things to make someone else happy that causes resentment.

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

My wife just clubs me and drags me back to her cave if I don’t go along with her desires.

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By *ehindHerEyesCouple
over a year ago

SomewhereOnlyWeKnow


"If one of my partners wants to try something that doesn't particularly appeal to me, but doesn't offend me, I'll give it a go once or twice to see if I can get into it.

If one of my partners wants to try something that I have an instant ick reaction to, I'll give it a miss.

I'd say it's a lot more selfish to push someone into something they don't want to do than to abstain from doing something that would make you unhappy."

I would agree with this.

I personally don’t have a particular kink and certainly don’t have a bucket list whereas Tinder has more of things that she likes or at least wants to try. If I am indifferent to it then we will try it once or twice to gauge. If it doesn’t work out then it’s scratched off.

If one of us suggests something and the other says no it remains as a no.

What is important is that the relationship is there that everything can be discussed to begin with and we are both happy to sacrifice something for the sake of the relationship as that is more important than getting our rocks off.

Marc

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

While I think yes in every relationship people have to compromise at times to suit the other person. I do not believe though that anyone should have to do something they are uncomfortable with or really don't want to do just to keep the other person happy. Especially when it comes to their body and what happens to it. So no I don't think anyone should take part in a threesome etc just to keep their partner happy,because in a situation like that their partner isn't thinking of them at all, especially if they know it's goes against what they want to do.And if someone is willing to put their wants above someone else's all the time then it's not a healthy relationship at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Compromise is part of all relationships, but forcing myself to do something I'm not comfortable with in order to "keep a partner happy" ie to stop them from cheating, would be the death of the relationship and my self-respect. And anyway, who wants to do sexual things with a partner who isn't enjoying it?

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By *riving_Home_For_MimiWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Just no... It's a little bit coercive...

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By *heSilverFox1701 OP   Man
over a year ago

Near Sleaford


"Compromise is part of all relationships, but forcing myself to do something I'm not comfortable with in order to "keep a partner happy" ie to stop them from cheating, would be the death of the relationship and my self-respect. And anyway, who wants to do sexual things with a partner who isn't enjoying it? "

I agree. In fairness I never thought about the cheating thing. By that logic if the husband wanted to try it and the wife said no, he can always just fantasise about it maybe that would be better anyway!

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8


"If one of my partners wants to try something that doesn't particularly appeal to me, but doesn't offend me, I'll give it a go once or twice to see if I can get into it.

If one of my partners wants to try something that I have an instant ick reaction to, I'll give it a miss.

I'd say it's a lot more selfish to push someone into something they don't want to do than to abstain from doing something that would make you unhappy."

Very much this. I expect most people on fab are fairly liberal and open minded. There will always be things we know we don’t like or want to try, but there may be things about which we are willing to talk and consider, maybe even try.

It comes down to consent for me. If someone feels badgered and cajoled into doing something they don’t want to do, purely because it makes the partner happy, that isn’t true consent. It’s more selfish and unfair to expect a partner to do that than it is for them to ask you to forgo it.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If a guy wants to threaten to get whatever kink his wife isn't keen on by joining fab as a single guy, I wish him the best of luck...

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I think sexual acts are one of the rare exceptions to the usual compromise in relationships rule. Consent being sacrosanct and all of that

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By *naswingdressWoman
over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)


"If a guy wants to threaten to get whatever kink his wife isn't keen on by joining fab as a single guy, I wish him the best of luck... "

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By *he MuffinmanMan
over a year ago

West Gloucestershire


"I had a recent conversation that I thought I’d share for your thoughts.

It concerned a single woman who said that she thought the following “…I mean if you are married say, and your wife won’t try out some things her husband wants too then I think that’s selfish of her, surely if he’s meeting all her needs then she should meet his…”

I thought this was a bit of an unusual point of view… I said that if the wife doesn’t say, want to have a threesome shouldn’t her view be respected? To which the response was “…she should at least try it with no expectations to keep her husband happy, if it works great, if it doesn’t equally fine but at least try it…”

I’m very much in two minds about this.

What are your thoughts on this hive mind? "

I personally would find it more of a turn on if the other person wanted to do something because to they were turned on by the thought of it rather than being coerced into it by being made to feel selfish

X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It must come down to respect,you can't just demand she try this or that hoping if she enjoys it all well and good, but want if she doesn't want then yes your fucked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"..….

I’m very much in two minds about this.

…."

It strikes a good conversation, and one which I tackled for years aboit wants and needs in a relationship. (Only THEY know how important things are)

Someone once told me ‘if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be’, and it’s somewhat true. Or at least it’s what I found.

Look, if you don’t talk about anything, no-one would know if anyone wants to do anything. If you don’t do it, in the same way you’d never know. But it has to start with talking, and that also means listening. The guy who wants and the woman who doesn’t. If you can listen and understand the others feeling YOU can then actually start to give what the other wants and not what you THINK they want.

“””…..surely if he’s meeting all her needs then she should meet his…””” is he REALLY meeting all her needs? Will she REALLY meet all his by just having a 3way? I think not.

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By *isstinseltoesWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I don't think anyone should have to do something they don't want to ,to stop their partner from straying .

So many men on here start posts wanting their partners to have sex with other men or women and want ways to get them into this & it makes me cringe.

If one partner wants to try something,they can ask their partner & then it's their choice to say yes or no to it .They aren't obliged to have to do an act they don't want to ,to keep their other half happy.

Personally I wouldn't want my partner to do something if I knew he really didn't want to.

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