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Offending someone leading to silence

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By *ull English with tea OP   Man
over a year ago

London

So I’ve been chatting to someone here a couple of months - literally back and forth every day without fail. Have met them several times including staying over.

I’ve now said something that wasn’t outrageous but the person has taken massive offense to (about money and how there are people in worse situations) and have now been given the silent treatment despite apologising multiple times.

Is this someone being over sensitive - would you cut someone off if they said something well meaning even though you took it badly.

It seems such a shame but I guess that’s life - I can’t not offer an opinion / POV on things worrying about it all the time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're fussed say sorry and explain what you meant.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all about context but! When listening yo someone's problems which they've entrusted with you by sharing, it's a major no no,to say it could be worse. I suppose it made them feel invalid.

All you can do is apologise and explain I guess?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

people can be very strange and take offence very quickly. You can only try. Personally I would carry on and see if things blow over, but then I tend to get over things really quickly and assume everyone else will too (or it could be that I have the emotional depth and complexity of an amoeba)

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

There are times you need advice or opinions, there are times you just need to vent to a willing ear, there are times of just screaming into the void.

Personally, I have never once encountered a situation where 'oh well it could be worse' has been a remotely helpful contribution.

If you've already apologised and they're not responding, leave then alone.

If they chill out and come back to you you can work it out then.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


" It's all about context but! When listening yo someone's problems which they've entrusted with you by sharing, it's a major no no,to say it could be worse. I suppose it made them feel invalid.

All you can do is apologise and explain I guess? "

I agree with this. I probably would step back if someone said that to me.

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By *elix SightedMan
over a year ago

Cloud 8

Sorry to hear that dude. It seems like things were really progressing nicely for you both.

We all have different thresholds in these things. It sounds like the kind of comment you could get away with making to someone you know well but maybe not to a relatively new acquaintance. I’ve made the same mistake before due to an occasional lack of brain/mouth filter!

You have three options. Chalk it up to life being shit and move on. Maintain contact and see if you can talk them round. Leave them to reflect alone for a while then gently pursue dialogue.

Good luck with it!

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By *rivervaderMan
over a year ago

bolton

I know what you mean I have done the same was speaking to someone then they stopped so after 2 days I sent a message saying are you ok and now I have been blocked

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think to pass judgement on this, we need the full background

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There are times you need advice or opinions, there are times you just need to vent to a willing ear, there are times of just screaming into the void.

Personally, I have never once encountered a situation where 'oh well it could be worse' has been a remotely helpful contribution.

If you've already apologised and they're not responding, leave then alone.

If they chill out and come back to you you can work it out then."

Just this

Don’t go chasing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I’ve been chatting to someone here a couple of months - literally back and forth every day without fail. Have met them several times including staying over.

I’ve now said something that wasn’t outrageous but the person has taken massive offense to (about money and how there are people in worse situations) and have now been given the silent treatment despite apologising multiple times.

Is this someone being over sensitive - would you cut someone off if they said something well meaning even though you took it badly.

It seems such a shame but I guess that’s life - I can’t not offer an opinion / POV on things worrying about it all the time. "

Well personally OP if it was me I'd be upset but I'd have accepted your apology, you obviously know each other pretty well and we all make mistakes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What may seem like a trivial thing to you can often mean a great deal to someone else. If you want to their “friend” you have to accept their point of view. You don’t have to agree with it but you have to accept it.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool


" It's all about context but! When listening yo someone's problems which they've entrusted with you by sharing, it's a major no no,to say it could be worse. I suppose it made them feel invalid.

All you can do is apologise and explain I guess? "

The context is key, especially for us to understand your situation.

I agree with Confidant. It is very likely your response, intentionally or not, was lacking empathy. It is possible to be practical and honest while still showing empathy and compassion for them and their situation.

This will cause your friend to maybe not offended but definitely unsupported as a friend for sure.

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By *oo..Woman
over a year ago

Boo's World

If you have already apologised a few times and that person still isn't willing to accept it/listen to another point of view, then what else are you supposed to do?

I wouldn't keep chasing someone or apologising. They will eventually see how they're behaving but until then, not much else you can do.

Leave them too it

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town


"So I’ve been chatting to someone here a couple of months - literally back and forth every day without fail. Have met them several times including staying over.

I’ve now said something that wasn’t outrageous but the person has taken massive offense to (about money and how there are people in worse situations) and have now been given the silent treatment despite apologising multiple times.

Is this someone being over sensitive - would you cut someone off if they said something well meaning even though you took it badly.

It seems such a shame but I guess that’s life - I can’t not offer an opinion / POV on things worrying about it all the time. "

Their values aren't your values. I always think it's a shame when people fall out. We have more in common than keeps us apart. If you've apologised. That's all you can do. Put yourself in their shoes and see what it looks like? End of the day they've either cut you off or are punishing you and will return at some point. Perhaps you weren't as close mates as you assumed?

With what you know now. Would you do anything differently if you could go back and have another go.?

Sorry its not gone to plan for you. But try and learn and move on.

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By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple
over a year ago

Cumbria

It’s hard to give advice without full context but acknowledging that what might seem relatively tame and uncontroversial to you can be a real trigger for others is important.

As others have said, if I lost a leg in a car crash, telling me that other people lost two is going to come across as pretty insensitive.

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

If you're worthy of forgiving she will forgive you but some women are so stubborn they'd rather cut their wrist to spite their face

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

There being people in worse situations than them doesn't mean they aren't struggling.

It's usually meant to make people look on the bright side, but when your life is turning to shit you don't want someone saying "Oh well, at least you aren't out on the street".

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair

Dear FEWT, I sincerely hope things will remedying themselves - let the passage of time take its course. Clearly you've already apologised.

It sounds like there was magic happening between you two. So let's hope things reconvene.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Dear FEWT, I sincerely hope things will remedying themselves - let the passage of time take its course. Clearly you've already apologised.

It sounds like there was magic happening between you two. So let's hope things reconvene. "

Well said Nero

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

If someone said to me there are people worse of than me when I'm sharing a problem with someone on here then I'd just block them without a second thought

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I’ve been chatting to someone here a couple of months - literally back and forth every day without fail. Have met them several times including staying over.

I’ve now said something that wasn’t outrageous but the person has taken massive offense to (about money and how there are people in worse situations) and have now been given the silent treatment despite apologising multiple times.

Is this someone being over sensitive - would you cut someone off if they said something well meaning even though you took it badly.

It seems such a shame but I guess that’s life - I can’t not offer an opinion / POV on things worrying about it all the time. "

Only talking from my own experience, but (especially lately) people are a mental and emotional Jenga. You inadvertently pull one piece and they fall down. No amount of apologies will rectify it, leave them space to pull themselves back together. If they want to reconnect they will.

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple
over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

The best thing that you can do is sincere apologies followed by stating that you're going to let them have the final word on this, that you are leaving for them to decide where this goes by leaving the door open to speak again. And get on with your life, if they get in contact then that's great, if not then it's their choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think a lot of people take the logic of 'it could be worse or someone else has it worse'. I take it as shutting down someone when they are obviously feeling a certain way about something. Feelings and situations aren't a competition, every one whether it be big or small in someone elses eyes is valid. Sometimes people just need an ear and I'm guessing that's why they are upset.

Whatever happens, you've apologised so there's not much more you can do. If you're relationship is worth it, eventually you will come back together and figure it out. Just give them the space in the meantime and let them know you are here when they are ready to talk.

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By *ottodot123Couple
over a year ago

Gillingham

Also depends on the apology I think.

There's a big difference between.

I'm sorry I was insensitive and upset you.

And

I'm sorry you took what I said that way etc etc.

But overall I would just leave it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They have made their choice.

Apologising again won't make a difference now. Delete, block and move on

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

I think the suggestion 'are they being over sensitive' suggests you're apologies are maybe less than sincere and maybe they've picked up on that?

You don't think you did anything wrong, you think they should accept your apology.

They think you did something wrong and don't accept your apology. I think you should respect that not criticise it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds like you need to work on your empathy skills.

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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Ah well, I guess other people have it worse!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Ah well, I guess other people have it worse! "

You could also use the line "worse things happen at sea", or alternatively "think of all the starving children in Africa" - both of those I am sure will go down well, smooth things over, and she will have you back in an instant.

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By *ull English with tea OP   Man
over a year ago

London

Thank you for all your (very good and helpful advice).

To give some context, this wasn’t a one off shut down of non-empathy on my part, we’d been messaging on the topic all day with me trying to help and make constructive suggestions. My final message was to try and suggest to look at the bigger picture and imagine a worse scenario - this was very much sincere as I thought it would help frame the problem in a wider context. In hindsight this was obviously the wrong thing to do, albeit from the right place.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"If someone said to me there are people worse of than me when I'm sharing a problem with someone on here then I'd just block them without a second thought"

It's something a lot of people say, but it's insensitive.

She possibly just needed an ear to share her problems with and was given a dismissive reply by someone she probably saw as a friend she could open up to.

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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago

Sandwich


"Thank you for all your (very good and helpful advice).

To give some context, this wasn’t a one off shut down of non-empathy on my part, we’d been messaging on the topic all day with me trying to help and make constructive suggestions. My final message was to try and suggest to look at the bigger picture and imagine a worse scenario - this was very much sincere as I thought it would help frame the problem in a wider context. In hindsight this was obviously the wrong thing to do, albeit from the right place. "

Did she ask for your help and constructive suggestions, or did you just offer them anyway?

Women like to talk over problems without being given a solution necessarily.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"Thank you for all your (very good and helpful advice).

To give some context, this wasn’t a one off shut down of non-empathy on my part, we’d been messaging on the topic all day with me trying to help and make constructive suggestions. My final message was to try and suggest to look at the bigger picture and imagine a worse scenario - this was very much sincere as I thought it would help frame the problem in a wider context. In hindsight this was obviously the wrong thing to do, albeit from the right place. "

It's something a lot of people do. We don't know her actual reason for cutting contact, so we can't really empathise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for all your (very good and helpful advice).

To give some context, this wasn’t a one off shut down of non-empathy on my part, we’d been messaging on the topic all day with me trying to help and make constructive suggestions. My final message was to try and suggest to look at the bigger picture and imagine a worse scenario - this was very much sincere as I thought it would help frame the problem in a wider context. In hindsight this was obviously the wrong thing to do, albeit from the right place. "

This in itself is telling..assuming it was a female.. mostly we just wish to share the issue and chat in a general way. We are not necessarily looking for a solution and the more solutions you offered could just have tipped their capacity to engage

I suspect at some point in the conversation the cues were there, you just didn't spot them or pay enough attention to know when to say 'whatever you decide to do, i hope it goes well'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't do with dramatic people.

If they can't even be bothered to tell me why I've upset them then I'd just leave them to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t know you, the person of interest and I haven’t read the above but it’s their loss init

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why do I think I know who this is?

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town


"If someone said to me there are people worse of than me when I'm sharing a problem with someone on here then I'd just block them without a second thought

It's something a lot of people say, but it's insensitive.

She possibly just needed an ear to share her problems with and was given a dismissive reply by someone she probably saw as a friend she could open up to.

"

Men are from Mars etc...

I have a friend who was going through a nasty divorce. She would seek wise counsel from me and I was pleased to help. One time she was moaning about the other half and most of it was emotional and inaccurate. I was trying to politely point out how irrational she was being. After a while she exploded "for fucks sake stop it... I just want to talk to you not hear how impractical I'm being"... Exactly as has been said above. A very useful Learning for me and thankfully still friends. But that was face to face and not over text or phone. Which I think makes a massive difference.

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By *teveanddebsCouple
over a year ago

Norwich


"Ah well, I guess other people have it worse! "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for all your (very good and helpful advice).

To give some context, this wasn’t a one off shut down of non-empathy on my part, we’d been messaging on the topic all day with me trying to help and make constructive suggestions. My final message was to try and suggest to look at the bigger picture and imagine a worse scenario - this was very much sincere as I thought it would help frame the problem in a wider context. In hindsight this was obviously the wrong thing to do, albeit from the right place.

This in itself is telling..assuming it was a female.. mostly we just wish to share the issue and chat in a general way. We are not necessarily looking for a solution and the more solutions you offered could just have tipped their capacity to engage

I suspect at some point in the conversation the cues were there, you just didn't spot them or pay enough attention to know when to say 'whatever you decide to do, i hope it goes well' "

I get this. If I’m having a bad day then generally I don’t want advice, I just want someone to listen.

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple
over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight


"Thank you for all your (very good and helpful advice).

To give some context, this wasn’t a one off shut down of non-empathy on my part, we’d been messaging on the topic all day with me trying to help and make constructive suggestions. My final message was to try and suggest to look at the bigger picture and imagine a worse scenario - this was very much sincere as I thought it would help frame the problem in a wider context. In hindsight this was obviously the wrong thing to do, albeit from the right place.

Did she ask for your help and constructive suggestions, or did you just offer them anyway?

Women like to talk over problems without being given a solution necessarily."

A part of relationship is about listening and not fixing, or at least offering to try. People frequently want to sound out something and be allowed to make that call themselves.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you for all your (very good and helpful advice).

To give some context, this wasn’t a one off shut down of non-empathy on my part, we’d been messaging on the topic all day with me trying to help and make constructive suggestions. My final message was to try and suggest to look at the bigger picture and imagine a worse scenario - this was very much sincere as I thought it would help frame the problem in a wider context. In hindsight this was obviously the wrong thing to do, albeit from the right place.

This in itself is telling..assuming it was a female.. mostly we just wish to share the issue and chat in a general way. We are not necessarily looking for a solution and the more solutions you offered could just have tipped their capacity to engage

I suspect at some point in the conversation the cues were there, you just didn't spot them or pay enough attention to know when to say 'whatever you decide to do, i hope it goes well'

I get this. If I’m having a bad day then generally I don’t want advice, I just want someone to listen. "

I get overwhelmed with people trying to resolve my issues, when they don't walk in my shoes.. It totally shuts me down

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP please allow them time to flex over quandary; and with you already having apologised. Time is a good healer and maybe in time when your paths should next cross you may find remedy to your situation.

Good friends are hard to find and worth fighting for, never let pride get in the way. Goodluck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The difference in advice of F vs M is very interesting!

Venus +Mars in action

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If someone said to me there are people worse of than me when I'm sharing a problem with someone on here then I'd just block them without a second thought

It's something a lot of people say, but it's insensitive.

She possibly just needed an ear to share her problems with and was given a dismissive reply by someone she probably saw as a friend she could open up to.

Men are from Mars etc...

I have a friend who was going through a nasty divorce. She would seek wise counsel from me and I was pleased to help. One time she was moaning about the other half and most of it was emotional and inaccurate. I was trying to politely point out how irrational she was being. After a while she exploded "for fucks sake stop it... I just want to talk to you not hear how impractical I'm being"... Exactly as has been said above. A very useful Learning for me and thankfully still friends. But that was face to face and not over text or phone. Which I think makes a massive difference. "

This!!

And dammit you beat me to the venus +Mars ref

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And being ignorant puts a whole new spin on it

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

Over sensitive? No, we're all human and I'd rather not invalidate their feelings - especially where money is concerned. People are having a difficult time currently, the oft trotted out line regarding perspective is daft at worst, insensitive at it's best.

As posters have said above, sometimes people just want a sounding board. A friend to listen to them, hold space for them where they can discuss things. Truly listen, not listen to interject or offer advice/solutions.

I think that perhaps giving you the silent treatment is a way for her to sort her head out. Give herself a bit of space. Rather than tell you to fuck off or similar. Bit childish/dramatic? Yeah, sure.

But I've learnt that when I'm feeling quite irked by behaviour to remove myself and talk about it when calmer rather than responding instinctively and unfairly. So I archive/mute people. Focus on other things and breathe.

Let her have that space OP. If she wants to, if the friendship is there, she'll come back to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The only advice there is, is move on and ignore them. They'll probably crawl back later anyway.

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By *ebauchedDeviantsPt2Couple
over a year ago

Cumbria


"Thank you for all your (very good and helpful advice).

To give some context, this wasn’t a one off shut down of non-empathy on my part, we’d been messaging on the topic all day with me trying to help and make constructive suggestions. My final message was to try and suggest to look at the bigger picture and imagine a worse scenario - this was very much sincere as I thought it would help frame the problem in a wider context. In hindsight this was obviously the wrong thing to do, albeit from the right place. "

Sometimes all someone wants is for you to listen, I’ve no doubt your intentions were sincere but text is never a good way to discuss delicate or emotive subjects.

Learn from the experience.

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

Hi OP. I think the worst thing you could do right now would be to keep messaging. Sometimes brooding the next move and having some time for that is really important… for both sides.

Oh and I honestly honestly wouldn’t have asked this question in an open forum. I would be mortified if I was the other party, presuming they are also on Fab. Hope it sorts

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By *imply DeeWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

Dear OP,

sorry to hear that and it never feels ok to be given a silent treatment, especially after what you said you’ve had something more serious going on.

It can be many reasons behind that person’s actions, and if we don’t really know the full context, we can just assume they might have possibly more going on.

As you have already apologised multiple times, and knowing you, it was sincere, let’s just hope things will smooth over time.

I would just let them be but maybe stay somewhere in the background, present, in case they would want to reconnect?

Always happy to talk if needed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The difference in advice of F vs M is very interesting!

Venus +Mars in action "

It's very interesting! I always want advice/ different scenarios to consider. Annoys me when my female friends just listen and don't comment.

I would have taken the OP's example as my hint to shut up and just fuck him.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Unfortunately during my time here I've seen how disposable friendships can be to some people.

They can often be very one-sided and selfish with many only looking for others to tell them they are right.

Alternative opinions and advice are not welcome.

I've become much more cynical since joining fab and have no time for flaky people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I’ve been chatting to someone here a couple of months - literally back and forth every day without fail. Have met them several times including staying over.

I’ve now said something that wasn’t outrageous but the person has taken massive offense to (about money and how there are people in worse situations) and have now been given the silent treatment despite apologising multiple times.

Is this someone being over sensitive - would you cut someone off if they said something well meaning even though you took it badly.

It seems such a shame but I guess that’s life - I can’t not offer an opinion / POV on things worrying about it all the time. "

I've cut off friends of 20 years who did something a bit daft but it crushed me at the time. I'm a massive crybaby but I haven't forgiven them.

Hope you can resolve this. If you do, maybe just smile and nod next time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/02/23 12:43:38]

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town


"So I’ve been chatting to someone here a couple of months - literally back and forth every day without fail. Have met them several times including staying over.

I’ve now said something that wasn’t outrageous but the person has taken massive offense to (about money and how there are people in worse situations) and have now been given the silent treatment despite apologising multiple times.

Is this someone being over sensitive - would you cut someone off if they said something well meaning even though you took it badly.

It seems such a shame but I guess that’s life - I can’t not offer an opinion / POV on things worrying about it all the time.

I've cut off friends of 20 years who did something a bit daft but it crushed me at the time. I'm a massive crybaby but I haven't forgiven them.

Hope you can resolve this. If you do, maybe just smile and nod next time."

Carrying 20 years of not forgiving them around with you though... Is that serving you well?

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"So I’ve been chatting to someone here a couple of months - literally back and forth every day without fail. Have met them several times including staying over.

I’ve now said something that wasn’t outrageous but the person has taken massive offense to (about money and how there are people in worse situations) and have now been given the silent treatment despite apologising multiple times.

Is this someone being over sensitive - would you cut someone off if they said something well meaning even though you took it badly.

It seems such a shame but I guess that’s life - I can’t not offer an opinion / POV on things worrying about it all the time. "

It could be worse!

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually


"I've cut off friends of 20 years who did something a bit daft but it crushed me at the time. I'm a massive crybaby but I haven't forgiven them.

Hope you can resolve this. If you do, maybe just smile and nod next time.

Carrying 20 years of not forgiving them around with you though... Is that serving you well? "

Probably better than 20 years of keeping someone around who's prone to hurting you whether deliberate or not.

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town


"I've cut off friends of 20 years who did something a bit daft but it crushed me at the time. I'm a massive crybaby but I haven't forgiven them.

Hope you can resolve this. If you do, maybe just smile and nod next time.

Carrying 20 years of not forgiving them around with you though... Is that serving you well?

Probably better than 20 years of keeping someone around who's prone to hurting you whether deliberate or not."

It's not binary though is it? You can be rid of both.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"So I’ve been chatting to someone here a couple of months - literally back and forth every day without fail. Have met them several times including staying over.

I’ve now said something that wasn’t outrageous but the person has taken massive offense to (about money and how there are people in worse situations) and have now been given the silent treatment despite apologising multiple times.

Is this someone being over sensitive - would you cut someone off if they said something well meaning even though you took it badly.

It seems such a shame but I guess that’s life - I can’t not offer an opinion / POV on things worrying about it all the time. "

I haven't read anyone's reply. I haven't time.

You said something that was legal, a point of view. You have done nothing wrong.

You have apologised.

There is NOTHING more for you to do.

Silent treatment is often due to a aeed for time to process what's been said but an adult would say that to you. What is actually happening is control, anger, co-ercion, bullying, manipulation .... etc.

The only other possibility is they cannot answer as something has happened.

If you are sure that they CAN answer but are choosing not to ....... FUCK THEM. They are acting like a sulking child.

Keep your dignity now.

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester


"Thank you for all your (very good and helpful advice).

To give some context, this wasn’t a one off shut down of non-empathy on my part, we’d been messaging on the topic all day with me trying to help and make constructive suggestions. My final message was to try and suggest to look at the bigger picture and imagine a worse scenario - this was very much sincere as I thought it would help frame the problem in a wider context. In hindsight this was obviously the wrong thing to do, albeit from the right place.

This in itself is telling..assuming it was a female.. mostly we just wish to share the issue and chat in a general way. We are not necessarily looking for a solution and the more solutions you offered could just have tipped their capacity to engage

I suspect at some point in the conversation the cues were there, you just didn't spot them or pay enough attention to know when to say 'whatever you decide to do, i hope it goes well'

I get this. If I’m having a bad day then generally I don’t want advice, I just want someone to listen.

I get overwhelmed with people trying to resolve my issues, when they don't walk in my shoes.. It totally shuts me down "
unless you have a size 9 impossible

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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

It's a tough one. Yes sometimes people especially on here want you just to agree with them and never offer advice or an opinion and when you do they fall out with you. But then are they really friends in the first place if that is the case ?

There are other times when you just want to rant and not have advice given as well.But if this is a continuous thing it gets draining as well to be the one always having to listen and know anything you say could be taken wrong. Having to tip toe around a friendship to me is not a friendship but you're just a crutch for someone else's woes.

Only you and the person know what happened and why they would take offense at what you said.In saying that if you have genuinely apologised and they are still annoyed and not chatting then I would just let it go and let the ball in their court if they want to get back in touch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This has made me a little sad. The silent treatment seems a little cruel to me, it appears you’ve invested in this lady and a misunderstanding has tuned all that on its head. Hope things turn out ok OP and she comes back to you even if it’s just a goodbye and thanks for the good times xx

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin


"So I’ve been chatting to someone here a couple of months - literally back and forth every day without fail. Have met them several times including staying over.

I’ve now said something that wasn’t outrageous but the person has taken massive offense to (about money and how there are people in worse situations) and have now been given the silent treatment despite apologising multiple times.

Is this someone being over sensitive - would you cut someone off if they said something well meaning even though you took it badly.

It seems such a shame but I guess that’s life - I can’t not offer an opinion / POV on things worrying about it all the time. "

Why did you apologise?

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair


"So I’ve been chatting to someone here a couple of months - literally back and forth every day without fail. Have met them several times including staying over.

I’ve now said something that wasn’t outrageous but the person has taken massive offense to (about money and how there are people in worse situations) and have now been given the silent treatment despite apologising multiple times.

Is this someone being over sensitive - would you cut someone off if they said something well meaning even though you took it badly.

It seems such a shame but I guess that’s life - I can’t not offer an opinion / POV on things worrying about it all the time.

Why did you apologise? "

•

Sometimes a gentleman is often infallible when it comes to instinctively making a gracious apology.

A root-cause analysis is rarely called for.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually


"Why did you apologise?

•

Sometimes a gentleman is often infallible when it comes to instinctively making a gracious apology.

A root-cause analysis is rarely called for."

Oh, I heartily disagree on that one.

Someone apologising for my feelings being hurt is borderline offensive to me. If you don't know and understand why what was said was hurtful I'd rather no apology than an instinctive but I'm a gentleman apology.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London


"The only advice there is, is move on and ignore them. They'll probably crawl back later anyway."

Why do you say "crawl back"?

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By *eroLondonMan
over a year ago

Mayfair


"Why did you apologise?

•

Sometimes a gentleman is often infallible when it comes to instinctively making a gracious apology.

A root-cause analysis is rarely called for.

Oh, I heartily disagree on that one.

Someone apologising for my feelings being hurt is borderline offensive to me. If you don't know and understand why what was said was hurtful I'd rather no apology than an instinctive but I'm a gentleman apology."

•

But it's instinctive. No pre-ordained thought process comes into it. It's a knee-jerk reaction, rightly or wrongly.

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin


"Why did you apologise?

•

Sometimes a gentleman is often infallible when it comes to instinctively making a gracious apology.

A root-cause analysis is rarely called for.

Oh, I heartily disagree on that one.

Someone apologising for my feelings being hurt is borderline offensive to me. If you don't know and understand why what was said was hurtful I'd rather no apology than an instinctive but I'm a gentleman apology."

Or alternatively, not apologise if he believes he did nothing wrong

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually


"Someone apologising for my feelings being hurt is borderline offensive to me. If you don't know and understand why what was said was hurtful I'd rather no apology than an instinctive but I'm a gentleman apology.

Or alternatively, not apologise if he believes he did nothing wrong"

Ah yes, not apologise as an alternative to no apology which was already given as a preferred option

It's also a knee jerk reaction to say no when asked if you've done something naughty. It doesn't mean it's right to run with it.

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin


"Someone apologising for my feelings being hurt is borderline offensive to me. If you don't know and understand why what was said was hurtful I'd rather no apology than an instinctive but I'm a gentleman apology.

Or alternatively, not apologise if he believes he did nothing wrong

Ah yes, not apologise as an alternative to no apology which was already given as a preferred option

It's also a knee jerk reaction to say no when asked if you've done something naughty. It doesn't mean it's right to run with it."

Well he obviously still has no idea what he did wrong, or this wouldnt be an issue?

So until he discovers what that may be, then surely it would be right to run with the no apology option?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you believe what you said was right then you shouldn't need to apologise. People are always going to have different views and opinions on things. It's what makes us all different and is not a bad thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I’ve been chatting to someone here a couple of months - literally back and forth every day without fail. Have met them several times including staying over.

I’ve now said something that wasn’t outrageous but the person has taken massive offense to (about money and how there are people in worse situations) and have now been given the silent treatment despite apologising multiple times.

Is this someone being over sensitive - would you cut someone off if they said something well meaning even though you took it badly.

It seems such a shame but I guess that’s life - I can’t not offer an opinion / POV on things worrying about it all the time.

I've cut off friends of 20 years who did something a bit daft but it crushed me at the time. I'm a massive crybaby but I haven't forgiven them.

Hope you can resolve this. If you do, maybe just smile and nod next time.

Carrying 20 years of not forgiving them around with you though... Is that serving you well? "

They were my friends for 20 years. When I needed them they were shit.

I'm not carrying anything around. I don't need "friends' who I can't trust.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

Is making a thread that draws attention to it more outrageous than what you originally said?

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

Saying that others have it worse, no matter your reasons and motives is deeply dismissive of their situation.

This thread is quite disrespectful of their reaction as well though, especially if they can see it. It reads like you’re asking if you’re right in what you said, even though you’ve apologised, which indicates that your apology was less than sincere.

All in all, I’m not surprised that they’re not responding

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Saying that others have it worse, no matter your reasons and motives is deeply dismissive of their situation.

This thread is quite disrespectful of their reaction as well though, especially if they can see it. It reads like you’re asking if you’re right in what you said, even though you’ve apologised, which indicates that your apology was less than sincere.

All in all, I’m not surprised that they’re not responding "

Whatever I said… whatever I did…. Didn’t mean it

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester


"Saying that others have it worse, no matter your reasons and motives is deeply dismissive of their situation.

This thread is quite disrespectful of their reaction as well though, especially if they can see it. It reads like you’re asking if you’re right in what you said, even though you’ve apologised, which indicates that your apology was less than sincere.

All in all, I’m not surprised that they’re not responding

Whatever I said… whatever I did…. Didn’t mean it "
i just want you back for good

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By *onMashMan
over a year ago

Lichfield

[Removed by poster at 08/02/23 17:04:09]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Saying that others have it worse, no matter your reasons and motives is deeply dismissive of their situation.

This thread is quite disrespectful of their reaction as well though, especially if they can see it. It reads like you’re asking if you’re right in what you said, even though you’ve apologised, which indicates that your apology was less than sincere.

All in all, I’m not surprised that they’re not responding

Whatever I said… whatever I did…. Didn’t mean it i just want you back for good "

Whatever it is I’m SUPPOSED to have done………

I’m very sorry

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester


"Saying that others have it worse, no matter your reasons and motives is deeply dismissive of their situation.

This thread is quite disrespectful of their reaction as well though, especially if they can see it. It reads like you’re asking if you’re right in what you said, even though you’ve apologised, which indicates that your apology was less than sincere.

All in all, I’m not surprised that they’re not responding

Whatever I said… whatever I did…. Didn’t mean it i just want you back for good

Whatever it is I’m SUPPOSED to have done………

I’m very sorry "
we'll be fighting, so complete in our love, we will never be uncovered again

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Always one of the worst things to say, minimising? (Can't think of the right word) their situation. They feel how they feel, and it's their life. Empathy goes a long way!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ah, I get why she hasn't responded. It's belittling to say that to her.

Give her some space. If she comes back, she comes back. But if she doesn't, fuck her sister instead.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth


"Saying that others have it worse, no matter your reasons and motives is deeply dismissive of their situation.

This thread is quite disrespectful of their reaction as well though, especially if they can see it. It reads like you’re asking if you’re right in what you said, even though you’ve apologised, which indicates that your apology was less than sincere.

All in all, I’m not surprised that they’re not responding "

Better than I put it and spot on

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham

I personally have very little time for people who resort to the “silent treatment”. I think it is a horrible trait.

If you have an issue with something I have said/done then deal with it - ignoring me isn’t going to help anything.

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

Sometimes people just need someone to listen and show a bit of empathy,the other people have it worse bit maybe true ,but was it necessary.It seems quite dismissive to me.

Leave them be ,maybe your apology isn't coming across as sincere and that's why they're silent.

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin


"I personally have very little time for people who resort to the “silent treatment”. I think it is a horrible trait.

If you have an issue with something I have said/done then deal with it - ignoring me isn’t going to help anything."

Well said. Its bordering on domestic abuse when done within a relationship

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

Sounds like way too much drama.

You’ve apologised OP, assuming it was sincere, you can do no more.

If she accepts your apology, she needs to stop playing manipulative games.

If she doesn’t accept your apology, she needs to stop playing manipulative games.

Some people just love to be the centre of a drama, move on before they drag you down.

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By *ellhungvweMan
over a year ago

Cheltenham


"I personally have very little time for people who resort to the “silent treatment”. I think it is a horrible trait.

If you have an issue with something I have said/done then deal with it - ignoring me isn’t going to help anything.

Well said. Its bordering on domestic abuse when done within a relationship"

That is _exactly_ my last relationship. It would last for weeks sometimes. Horrible way to live your life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Saying that others have it worse, no matter your reasons and motives is deeply dismissive of their situation.

This thread is quite disrespectful of their reaction as well though, especially if they can see it. It reads like you’re asking if you’re right in what you said, even though you’ve apologised, which indicates that your apology was less than sincere.

All in all, I’m not surprised that they’re not responding "

Everything is relative too

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By *inx.x3Woman
over a year ago

Bath


"I personally have very little time for people who resort to the “silent treatment”. I think it is a horrible trait.

If you have an issue with something I have said/done then deal with it - ignoring me isn’t going to help anything.

Well said. Its bordering on domestic abuse when done within a relationship

That is _exactly_ my last relationship. It would last for weeks sometimes. Horrible way to live your life."

My ex used to do it to me too… just start ignoring me after a row. I used to hate it as I’d much rather just talk it out and move on.

He did actually stop doing it though when he realised that I didn’t care enough anymore and was happy to not talk so I could watch tv in peace

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