FabSwingers.com forum: Question for parents

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Your son or daughter reaches maturity and confides in you that they want a swinging lifestyle

Would you be okay with that?

What advice would you give them?

For me I would be more inclined to try to talk my daughters out of it.

But their choice at the end of the day

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Why your daughters and not your sons?

If it's an unhappy or unhealthy lifestyle, surely you'd want to talk both out of it.

If it's fun and freeing, why wouldn't you want both to partake?

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

No i wouldn't be ok with that, having said that adolescent sex can be a little like swinging they move from partner to partner but in their own age group, unless of course you have girls and girls brought up with values and morals and a good work ethic they end up struggling with partners

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why your daughters and not your sons?

If it's an unhappy or unhealthy lifestyle, surely you'd want to talk both out of it.

If it's fun and freeing, why wouldn't you want both to partake?"

I have no idea if it's fun and freeing it's not something I've ever done. Totally inexperienced tbh

Good question regarding why not my son though, and the truthful answer is I don't know

Not a cop out just totally inexperienced myself

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would depend on the individual, one of my kids definitely has the maturity and self-awareness, the other two, maybe not so much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wouldn't be trying to "talk my kid out" of anything, just point out what I see as the potential pitfalls (and they exist for every lifestyle choice)

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I wouldn’t want them to do it and would advise against it. Adults make up their own minds though. I don’t particularly think it’s a great lifestyle and I would want more and better for them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Wouldn't be trying to "talk my kid out" of anything, just point out what I see as the potential pitfalls (and they exist for every lifestyle choice)"

My son got involved in smoking pot and I tried to talk him out of it. Would you not do the same?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

I'm not a parent and never intend to be, but I encourage everyone to do the things that make them happy so long as they don't harm anyone else.

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

It would depend on the maturity of the child, as a teenager I'd maybe encourage them to wait, explain the dangers of people online not being who they think. I'd always encourage trying things but make them aware of the risks involved.

Mrs

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

My son got involved in smoking pot and I tried to talk him out of it. Would you not do the same? "

That is illegal and swinging isn't

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It would depend on the maturity of the child, as a teenager I'd maybe encourage them to wait, explain the dangers of people online not being who they think. I'd always encourage trying things but make them aware of the risks involved.

Mrs"

Sound advice

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By *ull English with teaMan
over a year ago

London

As long as they don’t vote Tory I’m fine with any of my kid’s life choices!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Wouldn't be trying to "talk my kid out" of anything, just point out what I see as the potential pitfalls (and they exist for every lifestyle choice)

My son got involved in smoking pot and I tried to talk him out of it. Would you not do the same? "

So did mine, I pointed out the potential hazards as I see them - focusing on respiratory issues and mental health - I didn't tell him to stop because I disapprove

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

"I'm not a parent and never intend to be, but I encourage everyone to do the things that make them happy so long as they don't harm anyone else."
I kind of agree with this but then i agree with other thoughts aired here to

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My job, as a parent, is to bring them up to be independent, morally and socially aware, to make informed choices.

If they said they wanted to swing, we would have an open and honest discussion, but ultimately it would be their choice. And I would support whichever choice they made.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Wouldn't be trying to "talk my kid out" of anything, just point out what I see as the potential pitfalls (and they exist for every lifestyle choice)

My son got involved in smoking pot and I tried to talk him out of it. Would you not do the same?

So did mine, I pointed out the potential hazards as I see them - focusing on respiratory issues and mental health - I didn't tell him to stop because I disapprove"

Same here

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why your daughters and not your sons?

If it's an unhappy or unhealthy lifestyle, surely you'd want to talk both out of it.

If it's fun and freeing, why wouldn't you want both to partake?"

Also I would never want my girls seen by anyone as a sex object

Same way I wouldn't want my son treating a girl as a sex object

I don't and never will, but when I read what some guys write on tbe forums I wonder if some do

Maybe I'm wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a parent I think you're best placed to know if they are equipped to handle and enjoy the swinger scene. You're able to explain the pitfalls and dangers as well as all the positives there are. And they just need to know they can always come to you for support whatever happens.

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

Hi Dad. I want to be a swinger.

Not happening to me, even if they decided why would they tell you?

Any of us who are, tell our parents?

Or did our parents tell us they were?

I doubt it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi Dad. I want to be a swinger.

Not happening to me, even if they decided why would they tell you?

Any of us who are, tell our parents?

Or did our parents tell us they were?

I doubt it "

Hyperthetical question

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wouldn’t want them to do it and would advise against it. Adults make up their own minds though. I don’t particularly think it’s a great lifestyle and I would want more and better for them. "

Agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why your daughters and not your sons?

If it's an unhappy or unhealthy lifestyle, surely you'd want to talk both out of it.

If it's fun and freeing, why wouldn't you want both to partake?

Also I would never want my girls seen by anyone as a sex object

Same way I wouldn't want my son treating a girl as a sex object

I don't and never will, but when I read what some guys write on tbe forums I wonder if some do

Maybe I'm wrong "

Their attitude isn't as a result of swinging.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wouldn’t want them to do it and would advise against it. Adults make up their own minds though. I don’t particularly think it’s a great lifestyle and I would want more and better for them. "

Thanks I tend to agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The fact they've confided in you shows they're looking for guidance. It's your duty as a responsible parent to exactly that by making them aware of the advantages and disadvantages associated with practice. Goodluck.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Why your daughters and not your sons?

If it's an unhappy or unhealthy lifestyle, surely you'd want to talk both out of it.

If it's fun and freeing, why wouldn't you want both to partake?

Also I would never want my girls seen by anyone as a sex object

Same way I wouldn't want my son treating a girl as a sex object

I don't and never will, but when I read what some guys write on tbe forums I wonder if some do

Maybe I'm wrong "

Are all women in swinging simply sex objects to you?

Are all men incapable of seeing women as whole humans?

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Hi Dad. I want to be a swinger.

Not happening to me, even if they decided why would they tell you?

Any of us who are, tell our parents?

Or did our parents tell us they were?

I doubt it

Hyperthetical question

Oh. Like how much for a bag of chips then

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"The fact they've confided in you shows they're looking for guidance. It's your duty as a responsible parent to exactly that by making them aware of the advantages and disadvantages associated with practice. Goodluck.

It hasn't happened! It's a hyperthetical question....but thx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They’re single…. Isn’t that pretty much a swinging lifestyle anyway?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hi Dad. I want to be a swinger.

Not happening to me, even if they decided why would they tell you?

Any of us who are, tell our parents?

Or did our parents tell us they were?

I doubt it

Hyperthetical question

Oh. Like how much for a bag of chips then

And a battered sausage

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why your daughters and not your sons?

If it's an unhappy or unhealthy lifestyle, surely you'd want to talk both out of it.

If it's fun and freeing, why wouldn't you want both to partake?

Also I would never want my girls seen by anyone as a sex object

Same way I wouldn't want my son treating a girl as a sex object

I don't and never will, but when I read what some guys write on tbe forums I wonder if some do

Maybe I'm wrong

Are all women in swinging simply sex objects to you?

Are all men incapable of seeing women as whole humans?

I think if you read my text (and maybe my bio) you will see that I most definitely do not see ladies as sex objects.

I was saying that I believe many men do

I also said maybe I'm wrong

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By *ayHaychMan
over a year ago

Leeds (Home) / Sheffield (Work)

The thing about daughter vs son. I think these come from deep lifelong values society has held for centuries. Maybe longer.

I know two women in my work life who advocated for sex workers. They are very vocal on women having autonomy of their own bodies and so sex work is their choice. They had the view sex work is empowering and liberating for those women who see it that way. When I asked if they’d be happy for their daughters to be sex workers both began to look sheepish and humming and hawing.

I’m not having a go or saying they’re hypocrites etc, but just that it is very interesting how we can have these powerful contradictions within our mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would talk to them of the pros & cons as I saw them, ensure they are doing it for the right reasons, but they lead their own lives and I would never get in the way of that

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"I think if you read my text (and maybe my bio) you will see that I most definitely do not see ladies as sex objects.

I was saying that I believe many men do

I also said maybe I'm wrong "

Many men see women of sex objects regardless of whether they swing or not though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think if you read my text (and maybe my bio) you will see that I most definitely do not see ladies as sex objects.

I was saying that I believe many men do

I also said maybe I'm wrong

Many men see women of sex objects regardless of whether they swing or not though. "

I don't

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Would answer any questions they had about it and help all they wanted me to! But tbh think they would probably not confide such things to me x

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"I think if you read my text (and maybe my bio) you will see that I most definitely do not see ladies as sex objects.

I was saying that I believe many men do

I also said maybe I'm wrong

Many men see women of sex objects regardless of whether they swing or not though.

I don't "

I didn't say you do. The issue is the ingrained gender division.

I used to see a guy who was model level beautiful, women on the street looked at him like he was a piece of meat or a trophy to be won. Should he stay out of swinging too to avoid being objectified?

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By *ycallMan
over a year ago

Dorking

I am not sure you can really talk kids out of stuff, if they are determined to do something then they will likely do it regardless. What you can do however is educate them and hopefully provide them with the resources to make good life choices.

The real question is would you admit to swinging in order to be able to talk from a position of experience and provide a genuine insight into the hurdles that such a lifestyle could present?

Someone previously mentioned smoking pot. My kids know that I used to smoke it as well as do various psychedelics. Hopefully they won’t get into drugs but if they do ever want to talk about the subject or need advice then they know that door is open and I will not judge them.

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By *umbriaman1962Man
over a year ago

outside of penrith

"Would answer any questions they had about it and help all they wanted me to! But tbh think they would probably not confide such things to me x"

Very much what I think my kids would be like. I hope thought days of treating ladies or men different as far as them saying they want enjoy sex etc had changed . We not in1950s saying men that have one night's stands studs and ladies that do tarts anymore.

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

"Why your daughters and not your sons?

If it's an unhappy or unhealthy lifestyle, surely you'd want to talk both out of it.

If it's fun and freeing, why wouldn't you want both to partake?

Also I would never want my girls seen by anyone as a sex object

Same way I wouldn't want my son treating a girl as a sex object

I don't and never will, but when I read what some guys write on tbe forums I wonder if some do

Maybe I'm wrong

Are all women in swinging simply sex objects to you?

Are all men incapable of seeing women as whole humans?

I'm a very sex positive person. The people who objectify me don't get to come close. Teaching women strength and men how to behave would surely be a better plan than just trying to talk women out of something you clearly think is okay for men by your presence here?"
Not all men misbehave, not all men treat women as sex objects, i think this site allows men to be sexually overt and maybe thats wrong but where your children are concerned they haven't learnt enough skills, life skills to know when something is a good thing or not, swinging for me is a way of getting sex outside of a relationship as i think it is for many, it doesn't make it wrong but its not what i would want for my children

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"Your son or daughter reaches maturity and confides in you that they want a swinging lifestyle

Would you be okay with that?

What advice would you give them?

For me I would be more inclined to try to talk my daughters out of it.

But their choice at the end of the day "

No i wouldnt be ok with it to be honest. I would encourage them instead to cultivate a stable loving monogamous relationship as i believe getting them in that frame of mind will be better for them in the long run

I would discourage them from engaging in casual sex

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By *amierebelMan
over a year ago

nae danger.

Think as a parent the more you try telling a kid not to do something the more they rebel against what you say and want to do what you make clear you're against best bet is as someone said explaining the dangers etc and try be as supportive as you can knowing that they can then come to you for advice again wich they're less likely seek again if you make it clear you're upset by there choices

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Not all men misbehave, not all men treat women as sex objects, i think this site allows men to be sexually overt and maybe thats wrong but where your children are concerned they haven't learnt enough skills, life skills to know when something is a good thing or not, swinging for me is a way of getting sex outside of a relationship as i think it is for many, it doesn't make it wrong but its not what i would want for my children

Why do you want to do something that isn't good enough for your kids?

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

You’d be surprised how many young people are. I talked to mine about sec and relationships, I wouldn’t try to give them too much advice though

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By *amierebelMan
over a year ago

nae danger.

That said as they grow up into there own adult self I wouldn't want them be on a site like this but I certainly wouldn't force that view on them and be a hypocrite

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By *heonixrising500Man
over a year ago

Barnsley

We all swingers on fab good enough for us good enough for offspring

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"That said as they grow up into there own adult self I wouldn't want them be on a site like this but I certainly wouldn't force that view on them and be a hypocrite "

You wouldn’t want them to be like you ? They probably know that, kids are influenced mostly by what they see not what you tell them , especially if the two are different , they will tend to ignore what you say

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would not, I REPEAT, would not want to know. None of my beeswax

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why your daughters and not your sons?

If it's an unhappy or unhealthy lifestyle, surely you'd want to talk both out of it.

If it's fun and freeing, why wouldn't you want both to partake?

I have no idea if it's fun and freeing it's not something I've ever done. Totally inexperienced tbh

Good question regarding why not my son though, and the truthful answer is I don't know

Not a cop out just totally inexperienced myself "

Probably because you don't see it as safe for your daughters.

Miss S x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My job, as a parent, is to bring them up to be independent, morally and socially aware, to make informed choices.

If they said they wanted to swing, we would have an open and honest discussion, but ultimately it would be their choice. And I would support whichever choice they made. "

This

Miss S x

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By *umbriaman1962Man
over a year ago

outside of penrith

"I would not, I REPEAT, would not want to know. None of my beeswax"

My kids are virgins. my grandkids from Virgin births like jesus

I away be honest with advice treat boy or girl same just no wish to know

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once they've reached maturity they can do as they please. I hope I'm bringing my sons up to understand the importance of cultivating respectful and positive relationships with healthy boundaries, whatever form they may take. Ultimately it would be none of my business.

Nell

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By *vilgasamWoman
over a year ago

The dot in the i

As a parent I’ve thought about this and heard stories from others who found their parents in the lifestyle, they told me they spoke about safety and otherwise just communicated which clubs they attended so the other didn’t, just so no one had a surprise

Mines too young to know anything about sex so as they grow I’ll answer questions to what’s appropriate for their age, as they get older I’ll advise as openly as I can to their comfort level while hopefully staying approachable for the awkward questions

They don’t need to know details of my own sex life but leaning on my experience to ask questions seems useful

When they’re an adult I hope they’ll have enough understanding of sex and relationships to know what options they have

Otherwise there isn’t a whole lot I can do, it’s not my place to control so much as inform and educate in the hope of them making the best choice for themselves

Everyone will have their own ways because it’s a huge topic, that’s just what seems logical to me I guess

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why your daughters and not your sons?

If it's an unhappy or unhealthy lifestyle, surely you'd want to talk both out of it.

If it's fun and freeing, why wouldn't you want both to partake?"

I think it's natural for fathers to be more protective of their daughters than their sons.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"I think it's natural for fathers to be more protective of their daughters than their sons."

I've no doubt it is. But it's always good to question why societal norms exist.

I'm probably just spikey about being seen as weaker or incapable of looking after myself simply because I was born with ovaries.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

I would tell them to always practice safe sex, get tested regularly and have firm boundaries.

And do their due diligence! Always social first...

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By *lexV16Man
over a year ago

Welling

For me I would be more inclined to try to talk my daughters out of it.

But their choice at the end of the day "

It sounds like smoking parents trying to explain that smoking is bad to their kids.

I have kids and if they come to me about the subject I’ll try to be as neutral as possible with just explaining pros and cons and possible risks and the way to mitigate..

Oh and yeah, will ask to make sure we agree on club visits so we don’t bump into each other at the same club

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think it's natural for fathers to be more protective of their daughters than their sons.

I've no doubt it is. But it's always good to question why societal norms exist.

I'm probably just spikey about being seen as weaker or incapable of looking after myself simply because I was born with ovaries. "

Females are definitely not weaker!

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By *penbicoupleCouple
over a year ago

Northampton

"Your son or daughter reaches maturity and confides in you that they want a swinging lifestyle

Would you be okay with that?"

Of course.

In fact, I would be surprised if either of them opt for monogamy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's natural for fathers to be more protective of their daughters than their sons.

I've no doubt it is. But it's always good to question why societal norms exist.

I'm probably just spikey about being seen as weaker or incapable of looking after myself simply because I was born with ovaries. "

I generally think women are stronger in many ways.

Emotionally certainly, financially (as in being far more sensible with money), and definitely sexually.

Anyway, back to the topic of the thread.

It's a horrible thing to have to accept but there are far more dangers out there for women than for men when it comes to swinging and sex in general.

Sexual assault/rape does happpen to men but it's far more common with women.

Without getting too much into this, that's why fathers are much more protective of their daughters.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"It's a horrible thing to have to accept but there are far more dangers out there for women than for men when it comes to swinging and sex in general.

Sexual assault/rape does happpen to men but it's far more common with women.

Without getting too much into this, that's why fathers are much more protective of their daughters."

That can happen anywhere. If anything being more familiar with the landscape and having a better pool of knowledge in the area can only help, surely?

I've never had a meet go that way. I have had a relationship go that way. I've had nights out where measures had to be taken to get away from the situation.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"Why your daughters and not your sons?

If it's an unhappy or unhealthy lifestyle, surely you'd want to talk both out of it.

If it's fun and freeing, why wouldn't you want both to partake?"

Because we all know only sluts and studs swing! Men don’t want a slut for a daughter but they do want a stud for a son!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As with all things you have a honest discussion with them on whatever topic they bring up, around the pros and cons of their thinking. All we can do is discuss things with them, they will make their own choices, just as we did.

Although I’d say this generation are more than aware of the differences out there, away from the traditional m/f couple, mm or ff couples, marriage, civil partnerships etc.

One statement that arose recently with my teenager, who is anti cheating even kissing and would have to declare it, no matter the consequences if he messed up in the future.

“It is not cheating if my partner knows and agrees to me seeing someone else, same would work vice versa for them. We could even be poly”

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

"Why your daughters and not your sons?

If it's an unhappy or unhealthy lifestyle, surely you'd want to talk both out of it.

If it's fun and freeing, why wouldn't you want both to partake?

I have no idea if it's fun and freeing it's not something I've ever done. Totally inexperienced tbh

Good question regarding why not my son though, and the truthful answer is I don't know

Not a cop out just totally inexperienced myself "

I find the honesty in this answer really refreshing.

I suspect the answer, may, and I stress may be linked ti your layer comment about mrm on here treating women as a sex object

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By *queakyclean69erCouple
over a year ago

Torquay / Fleet

"I wouldn’t want them to do it and would advise against it. Adults make up their own minds though. I don’t particularly think it’s a great lifestyle and I would want more and better for them. "

If it’s as bad as you say why do you continue in the lifestyle then?

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By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

My son got involved in smoking pot and I tried to talk him out of it. Would you not do the same?

That is illegal and swinging isn't"

Depends where in the world you happen to be.

Gbat

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By *batMan
over a year ago

Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales)

"girls brought up with values and morals and a good work ethic they end up struggling with partners

Bit of a sweeping statement!

Gbat

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

"I wouldn’t want them to do it and would advise against it. Adults make up their own minds though. I don’t particularly think it’s a great lifestyle and I would want more and better for them.

If it’s as bad as you say why do you continue in the lifestyle then? "

I didn’t say it was ‘that bad’ I said I didn’t think it was a particularly great lifestyle.

I’m not a swinger

nonetheless, I still wouldn’t want this for my children.

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"I think it's natural for fathers to be more protective of their daughters than their sons.

I've no doubt it is. But it's always good to question why societal norms exist.

I'm probably just spikey about being seen as weaker or incapable of looking after myself simply because I was born with ovaries. "

Ok, but you are though. Thats just a biological fact.

Unless you have some special self defence training that makes up for your lack of size and strength versus the average male

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"I think it's natural for fathers to be more protective of their daughters than their sons.

I've no doubt it is. But it's always good to question why societal norms exist.

I'm probably just spikey about being seen as weaker or incapable of looking after myself simply because I was born with ovaries.

I generally think women are stronger in many ways.

Emotionally certainly, financially (as in being far more sensible with money), and definitely sexually.

Anyway, back to the topic of the thread.

It's a horrible thing to have to accept but there are far more dangers out there for women than for men when it comes to swinging and sex in general.

Sexual assault/rape does happpen to men but it's far more common with women.

Without getting too much into this, that's why fathers are much more protective of their daughters."

I think thats a bit of a sweeping generalisation there that women are stronger emotionally and also financially. And what does stronger sexually even mean??

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I would provide them with appropriate information about what happens with swinging, clubs, safe sex etc. They can then make up their own minds.

As long as they are happy I'm happy regardless of their choices.

And their lives are not mine to live. They are their own, as are their choices

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"And what does stronger sexually even mean?? "

That women can resist wanking at work ?

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"And what does stronger sexually even mean??

That women can resist wanking at work ?

Or maybe they can wank harder??

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Hi Dad. I want to be a swinger.

Not happening to me, even if they decided why would they tell you?

Any of us who are, tell our parents?

Or did our parents tell us they were?

I doubt it "

Someone outed us to Fox's mum shortly after we started meeting via here. She asked the question. We answered honestly and weren't in a serious relationship at the time.

I know of others who've told their parents or children.

Would it bother me if our child told us they wanted to swing? No more than it would if they told me they wanted to travel the world solo, that they were gay/bi, or that they wanted to work in a supermarket.

I'd be more worried about many other things - recreational dr*gs, joining some batshit cult/religion, getting involved in gangs/crime etc.

Casual sex has been around since man first met woman. It happens in normal vanilla life probably more than it does in swinging. If anything I'd say that many swingers have a much more respectful view to casual hook ups and safety than non-swingers. I know from personal experience I probably put myself more at risk in my youth when dr*nk than I ever would now, in terms of personal safety, avoiding unwanted pregnancies/STD's and sleeping with complete strangers I had no knowledge about or respect for.

A lot of the posts I've read so far appear very much 'do as I say, not as I do' to me...........

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Ok, but you are though. Thats just a biological fact.

Unless you have some special self defence training that makes up for your lack of size and strength versus the average male"

At 6 foot and raised by bikers I personally am more capable of looking after myself than the average male.

But that's not the point.

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"Ok, but you are though. Thats just a biological fact.

Unless you have some special self defence training that makes up for your lack of size and strength versus the average male

At 6 foot and raised by bikers I personally am more capable of looking after myself than the average male.

But that's not the point. "

Fair enough if you are, but that would put you in the extreme minority of women

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By *s2pervsCouple
over a year ago

Truro

"As a parent I’ve thought about this and heard stories from others who found their parents in the lifestyle, they told me they spoke about safety and otherwise just communicated which clubs they attended so the other didn’t, just so no one had a surprise

They don’t need to know details of my own sex life but leaning on my experience to ask questions seems useful

When they’re an adult I hope they’ll have enough understanding of sex and relationships to know what options they have

Otherwise there isn’t a whole lot I can do, it’s not my place to control so much as inform and educate in the hope of them making the best choice for themselves

Everyone will have their own ways because it’s a huge topic, that’s just what seems logical to me I guess "

What an absolute minefield of a subject covered in a way my good lady and I absolutely agree with...sound example of how it could be approached, brilliant.

From the father of 2 girls...X

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I'd tell them that I don't need to know the details of their sex life

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Ok, but you are though. Thats just a biological fact.

Unless you have some special self defence training that makes up for your lack of size and strength versus the average male

At 6 foot and raised by bikers I personally am more capable of looking after myself than the average male.

But that's not the point.

Fair enough if you are, but that would put you in the extreme minority of women"

Physically weaker does not mean incapable of protecting themselves or governing their own choices.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Ok, but you are though. Thats just a biological fact.

Unless you have some special self defence training that makes up for your lack of size and strength versus the average male

At 6 foot and raised by bikers I personally am more capable of looking after myself than the average male.

But that's not the point. "

As much as we can't make a sweeping generalisation about the female of tbe species and assume they are all soft targets

We also cannot assume that all bikers are hard knocks that bring up their children to be tough

Not in anyway bring sarcastic it's just that as a father I suppose I'm more protective of my daughters and more open with my son (let him know where I failed and maybe him learn from my mistakes)

Dad and daughter dynamics are generally different to dad and son

It us with me anyway

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

And autocorrect does my head in

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

Why do you want to do something that isn't good enough for your kids?"
Because i want my kids to be in loving relationships and to have kids in love and nurture them, what we do could in rare situations end up with love because contrary to what most people would say this site emulates life but for most its either a waste of time or one off sex

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

Why do you want to do something that isn't good enough for your kids?Because i want my kids to be in loving relationships and to have kids in love and nurture them, what we do could in rare situations end up with love because contrary to what most people would say this site emulates life but for most its either a waste of time or one off sex

"
ends

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"Ok, but you are though. Thats just a biological fact.

Unless you have some special self defence training that makes up for your lack of size and strength versus the average male

At 6 foot and raised by bikers I personally am more capable of looking after myself than the average male.

But that's not the point.

Fair enough if you are, but that would put you in the extreme minority of women

Physically weaker does not mean incapable of protecting themselves or governing their own choices."

No it doesnt mean incapable, but the average female is in far more physical danger in a 1 on 1 situation with a man than another man is. I mean i dont think this is really up for debate and i think thats what the previous poster was getting at when talking about him being more protective oh his daughter than his son

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

We're in a loving relationship and we have a child.

Swinging and those two aren't mutually exclusive......

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Ok, but you are though. Thats just a biological fact.

Unless you have some special self defence training that makes up for your lack of size and strength versus the average male

At 6 foot and raised by bikers I personally am more capable of looking after myself than the average male.

But that's not the point.

Fair enough if you are, but that would put you in the extreme minority of women

Physically weaker does not mean incapable of protecting themselves or governing their own choices.

The average young man is far more at risk of getting assaulted than the average woman.

Maybe fathers should be more protective with their sons and teach them that violence isn't the solution to an argument.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They would be encouraged to explore their sexuality and build their confidence with experience and experimentation. To talk openly about how they feel and not to be embarrassed by how muggles perceive them. I know how much fun there is to be had in the swinging lifestyle, so I certainly would not discourage them.

The only advice I could give would be to keep expectations realistic and educate them on safety. The most important thing would be that it is a lifestyle best enjoyed as a couple, but to keep it as a hobby. To make sure when appeasing ones appetite to make sure your loved one is on the same page or it can be a very toxic and confusing experience for them.

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"Ok, but you are though. Thats just a biological fact.

Unless you have some special self defence training that makes up for your lack of size and strength versus the average male

At 6 foot and raised by bikers I personally am more capable of looking after myself than the average male.

But that's not the point.

Fair enough if you are, but that would put you in the extreme minority of women

Physically weaker does not mean incapable of protecting themselves or governing their own choices.

The average young man is far more at risk of getting assaulted than the average woman.

Maybe fathers should be more protective with their sons and teach them that violence isn't the solution to an argument.

Yes he is on a day to day basis and its very true that far more men are victims of violent crime than women are.

However, we're talking specifically in meeting relative strangers for sex here, and in such a situation, the physical danger to a man is far less than the physical danger to a woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't say it would bother me. I'd be happy they'd have the trust in me to be able to talk so openly about these things. As long as they are safe and protected it's not something that would be a problem. And even if it was, not much I would be able to do about it anyway.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Yes he is on a day to day basis and its very true that far more men are victims of violent crime than women are.

However, we're talking specifically in meeting relative strangers for sex here, and in such a situation, the physical danger to a man is far less than the physical danger to a woman"

In every encounter one person will be physically weaker than the other. What if the son is small and skinny?

Meeting relative strangers for sex is a risky business for anyone.

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"Yes he is on a day to day basis and its very true that far more men are victims of violent crime than women are.

However, we're talking specifically in meeting relative strangers for sex here, and in such a situation, the physical danger to a man is far less than the physical danger to a woman

In every encounter one person will be physically weaker than the other. What if the son is small and skinny?

Meeting relative strangers for sex is a risky business for anyone."

Even if the son is small and skinny, hes still probably going to be able to handle himself against a woman. There are always exceptions of course but were talking about biology here. It is what it is

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Yes he is on a day to day basis and its very true that far more men are victims of violent crime than women are.

However, we're talking specifically in meeting relative strangers for sex here, and in such a situation, the physical danger to a man is far less than the physical danger to a woman

In every encounter one person will be physically weaker than the other. What if the son is small and skinny?

Meeting relative strangers for sex is a risky business for anyone."

What if the big burly guy is tied to a bed ? You don't need to be strong to attack from behind, slip something into a drink, or wait until they're asleep.

You're not at greater risk purely because you're the smaller/lighter/physically weaker in the room.

Having been assaulted by three women in my life only one was anywhere near my size. The other two used a bottle and a wok to target my head from behind. My size did nothing to protect me.

Maybe if the traditional stereotype of women being weak individuals in need of protection by big strong men wasn't so prevalent, then (some) men wouldn't see them as such easy targets and their egos wouldn't be dented so much when they're rejected by strong independent women?

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"Yes he is on a day to day basis and its very true that far more men are victims of violent crime than women are.

However, we're talking specifically in meeting relative strangers for sex here, and in such a situation, the physical danger to a man is far less than the physical danger to a woman

In every encounter one person will be physically weaker than the other. What if the son is small and skinny?

Meeting relative strangers for sex is a risky business for anyone.

What if the big burly guy is tied to a bed ? You don't need to be strong to attack from behind, slip something into a drink, or wait until they're asleep.

You're not at greater risk purely because you're the smaller/lighter/physically weaker in the room.

Having been assaulted by three women in my life only one was anywhere near my size. The other two used a bottle and a wok to target my head from behind. My size did nothing to protect me.

Wow this thread really is getting ridiculous now.

I dont even know what youre trying to say in that last paragraph. It makes no sense at all.

If people are seriously looking to debate if men are on average stronger than women or not, and they think theres actually a debate to be had, then im out

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Maybe if the traditional stereotype of women being weak individuals in need of protection by big strong men wasn't so prevalent, then (some) men wouldn't see them as such easy targets and their egos wouldn't be dented so much when they're rejected by strong independent women?

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

We're in a loving relationship and we have a child.

Swinging and those two aren't mutually exclusive......

A"
Yes but we are single, if youre in a loving relationship and become swingers slightly different than the Ops question but having said that would you let your 18 year old child become a swinger or would you view them to be adult enough to make that decision, my opinion isn't based upon them being of an age to make that decision but more upon would i want them to do that.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

We're in a loving relationship and we have a child.

Swinging and those two aren't mutually exclusive......

AYes but we are single, if youre in a loving relationship and become swingers slightly different than the Ops question but having said that would you let your 18 year old child become a swinger or would you view them to be adult enough to make that decision, my opinion isn't based upon them being of an age to make that decision but more upon would i want them to do that.

Nope.

We were single when we met on here, Fox was 22 and whilst I'm a dad I'm not a biological father.

We were swinging before that loving relationship started. So no, it's no different to the OP's question at all.

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

We're in a loving relationship and we have a child.

Swinging and those two aren't mutually exclusive......

Nope.

We were single when we met on here, Fox was 22 and whilst I'm a dad I'm not a biological father.

We were swinging before that loving relationship started. So no, it's no different to the OP's question at all.

A"
So you would like your children to go into the swinging world then, if you had a child that is

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d be a massive hypocrite if I objected. As long as they were well informed beforehand and they were happy I would accept it.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

We're in a loving relationship and we have a child.

Swinging and those two aren't mutually exclusive......

Nope.

We were single when we met on here, Fox was 22 and whilst I'm a dad I'm not a biological father.

We were swinging before that loving relationship started. So no, it's no different to the OP's question at all.

ASo you would like your children to go into the swinging world then, if you had a child that is

Like? It's not my place to like that. If they choose to then that's entirely their decision and like any other they make I'd support them.

As I said previously. There are many things I wouldn't like them.to do and would try to dissuade them from doing on the basis that they're either illegal, morally unacceptable or dangerous to themselves or others.

Swinging doesn't fall into any of those categories. It's scarcely different from the casual sex most experience at a young age whilst they're experimenting and developing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't know if I should just keep quiet but if they're having casual sex because they want to I don't see why this world is any worse than any other

Believe it or not teenagers are having group sex and threesomes and kinky sex whether fab exists or not

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

As a parent to 3 grown daughters I can't relate to their sex lives or choices.

They are all in their late 20s and early 30s and as I have 3 grandkids I obviously know they are having sex but I've never had a conversation with them about sex or their partners.

They don't confide in me that way.

I don't class myself as a swinger and when I joined here aged 52 I had very little sexual experience so at no stage in my life would I have ever been in a position to advise anyone including my own kids on their sex lives.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't know if I should just keep quiet but if they're having casual sex because they want to I don't see why this world is any worse than any other

Believe it or not teenagers are having group sex and threesomes and kinky sex whether fab exists or not "

Agree with this. Teenagers will be experimenting to find the things they like. As parents we just have to make sure they know they can come to us with any problem they have.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Where does the idea that swingera can't be in happy and loving relationships come from?

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

We're in a loving relationship and we have a child.

Swinging and those two aren't mutually exclusive......

Nope.

We were single when we met on here, Fox was 22 and whilst I'm a dad I'm not a biological father.

We were swinging before that loving relationship started. So no, it's no different to the OP's question at all.

ASo you would like your children to go into the swinging world then, if you had a child that is

Like? It's not my place to like that. If they choose to then that's entirely their decision and like any other they make I'd support them.

Swinging doesn't fall into any of those categories. It's scarcely different from the casual sex most experience at a young age whilst they're experimenting and developing.

A"
Well true i did say that earlier its our job as parents mind to push them on the right path, I'm not saying this is or isn't the right path, I'm just saying i wouldn't choose it for my kids, its ok saying whatever they choose is fine by me but for the most part in their formative years you've hopefully already moulded them and they wouldn't need to choose it

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Where does the idea that swingera can't be in happy and loving relationships come from?"

There's long been common misconceptions about couples who swing, frequently evidenced in forum posts, not limited to these examples.....

We're doing it to fill a gap in our relationship and sex life.

One of us can't fulfill the other so need external assistance.

If one doesn't let the other swing they'll leave.

You can't respect and love your partner if you let them sleep with someone else.

Generally it's singles expressing those views, often accompanied by statements that 'I couldn't swing as a couple' and 'if I found the right person on here we'd leave'.

It's almost as if some can't separate emotional and physical interactions, relationships from commitment free encounters and love and affection from physical lust and a desire to please.

Nowt queer as folk.......

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

We're in a loving relationship and we have a child.

Swinging and those two aren't mutually exclusive......

Nope.

We were single when we met on here, Fox was 22 and whilst I'm a dad I'm not a biological father.

We were swinging before that loving relationship started. So no, it's no different to the OP's question at all.

ASo you would like your children to go into the swinging world then, if you had a child that is

Like? It's not my place to like that. If they choose to then that's entirely their decision and like any other they make I'd support them.

Swinging doesn't fall into any of those categories. It's scarcely different from the casual sex most experience at a young age whilst they're experimenting and developing.

AWell true i did say that earlier its our job as parents mind to push them on the right path, I'm not saying this is or isn't the right path, I'm just saying i wouldn't choose it for my kids, its ok saying whatever they choose is fine by me but for the most part in their formative years you've hopefully already moulded them and they wouldn't need to choose it

Not sure what you mean by 'need to choose it'....?

Nobody 'needs' to swing. They choose to. And I don't want to mould our child. I want them to grow and decide who they want to be and what they want to do, with our help and support but definitely not by any plan determined by us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's an unhappy or unhealthy lifestyle, surely you'd want to talk both out of it.

….."

It it’s unhappy / unhealthy … shouldnt you talk yourself out if it?

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"Your son or daughter reaches maturity and confides in you that they want a swinging lifestyle

Would you be okay with that?

What advice would you give them?

For me I would be more inclined to try to talk my daughters out of it.

But their choice at the end of the day "

Being a Maverick but with no children. I worried about telling the younger sibling.

But their head didn't explode so I think at 30 something they can handle it.

Most swingers seem to be middle aged anyway..

I'd be more concerned about my nursing home pudding than the sex life of my middle-aged children.

But that's just me. I've had a lot of therapy to deal with uncomfortable shit so I have a bit more emotional resilience to discomfort than other people/parents.

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"Where does the idea that swingera can't be in happy and loving relationships come from?

There's long been common misconceptions about couples who swing, frequently evidenced in forum posts, not limited to these examples.....

We're doing it to fill a gap in our relationship and sex life.

One of us can't fulfill the other so need external assistance.

If one doesn't let the other swing they'll leave.

You can't respect and love your partner if you let them sleep with someone else.

Generally it's singles expressing those views, often accompanied by statements that 'I couldn't swing as a couple' and 'if I found the right person on here we'd leave'.

It's almost as if some can't separate emotional and physical interactions, relationships from commitment free encounters and love and affection from physical lust and a desire to please.

Nowt queer as folk.......

Im not seeing whats so strange about that?

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"Wouldn't be trying to "talk my kid out" of anything, just point out what I see as the potential pitfalls (and they exist for every lifestyle choice)

My son got involved in smoking pot and I tried to talk him out of it. Would you not do the same? "

I'm not a parent but I know a lot of people who do drugs and drink a lot...

somehow they come out perfectly fine but they are the lucky ones.

I've never taken unprescribed drugs because I always know I had a weird brain and psychosis and dementia runs in my family. I was like I don't need extra help to fuck up my brain.

I can only suggest that you mentally prepare your kid for the shit life throws at you.

I never wanted to be a swinger from teenage years. I wanted to fit into the marriage and kids box like everyone else but my parents didn't give me the tools needed for that.

I only have those tools now at 41 when most people my age are already married, had kids or have been traumatized so much by bad relationships that they won't go near one with a barge pole.

Swinging works for me currently as a place holder. I don't know if I will do this for ever or if I will find a life partner to be with. Either way I have to make the best of it.

I've found swingers at socials and clubs more open than people who are dating and the predator in clubs and socials more contained than the predators in the dating scene.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"Where does the idea that swingera can't be in happy and loving relationships come from?

There's long been common misconceptions about couples who swing, frequently evidenced in forum posts, not limited to these examples.....

We're doing it to fill a gap in our relationship and sex life.

One of us can't fulfill the other so need external assistance.

If one doesn't let the other swing they'll leave.

You can't respect and love your partner if you let them sleep with someone else.

Generally it's singles expressing those views, often accompanied by statements that 'I couldn't swing as a couple' and 'if I found the right person on here we'd leave'.

It's almost as if some can't separate emotional and physical interactions, relationships from commitment free encounters and love and affection from physical lust and a desire to please.

Nowt queer as folk.......

Im not seeing whats so strange about that? "

I'm not surprised.

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

I'd tell them about cum scum in hot tubs; people trying to fuck bareback when you aren't looking; people getting jealous; being stood up; smelly people who don't wash; not having any replies from introduction messages; not having any interest in a club; club fees; selfish people blah blah blah.

Then I'd say, but I've had some great sex.

It's not something any of my children would be interested in though.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"Hi Dad. I want to be a swinger.

Not happening to me, even if they decided why would they tell you?

Any of us who are, tell our parents?

Or did our parents tell us they were?

I doubt it "

My parents wouldn't understand my perspective.

But they are aware of unconventional lifestyles/sex lives. They are unmarried Boomers who chose to be each other's life partner.

I think they know I date lots of different people. They would just say be careful and that's what my peers and sibling and friends not in the lifestyle say. It's difficult for some of them to hear but they will just have to get over it.

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

We're in a loving relationship and we have a child.

Swinging and those two aren't mutually exclusive......

Nope.

We were single when we met on here, Fox was 22 and whilst I'm a dad I'm not a biological father.

We were swinging before that loving relationship started. So no, it's no different to the OP's question at all.

ASo you would like your children to go into the swinging world then, if you had a child that is

Like? It's not my place to like that. If they choose to then that's entirely their decision and like any other they make I'd support them.

Swinging doesn't fall into any of those categories. It's scarcely different from the casual sex most experience at a young age whilst they're experimenting and developing.

Not sure what you mean by 'need to choose it'....?

A"
Just because you choose it and you're happy swinging doesn't mean everyone is and I'd say with respect you're in a minority, I've seen a few people split as a result of this lifestyle so it definitely doesn't suit everyone, it festers emotions such as jealousy and mistrust and these emotions are constantly talked about in forums. So no i wouldn't encourage my children to partake swinging, sorry if that is an opposing view but its my view

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"I think it's natural for fathers to be more protective of their daughters than their sons.

I've no doubt it is. But it's always good to question why societal norms exist.

I'm probably just spikey about being seen as weaker or incapable of looking after myself simply because I was born with ovaries.

I generally think women are stronger in many ways.

Emotionally certainly, financially (as in being far more sensible with money), and definitely sexually.

Anyway, back to the topic of the thread.

It's a horrible thing to have to accept but there are far more dangers out there for women than for men when it comes to swinging and sex in general.

Sexual assault/rape does happpen to men but it's far more common with women.

Without getting too much into this, that's why fathers are much more protective of their daughters."

Sadly I've come across men and women in the gay and lesbian scenes who have been sexually @ss@ulted, sexually m0l£stEd and r@p£ just as much in the cis/hetero scene. And what's worse is that because of their sex and gender orientation, no one takes them seriously. In terms of reporting, criminal conviction and trauma recovery.

I come from a place where no one ever talked to me about sex and relationships and it was a disaster. Not even consent. I grew up where people were either sexually repressed or completely without any boundaries and took all the risks.

I'd never want what I had in terms of sex and relationships for my children if I had any. Nope, I'm going to be that embarrassing, too honest, open mother, from Sex Education.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"I think it's natural for fathers to be more protective of their daughters than their sons.

I've no doubt it is. But it's always good to question why societal norms exist.

I'm probably just spikey about being seen as weaker or incapable of looking after myself simply because I was born with ovaries.

Ok, but you are though. Thats just a biological fact.

Unless you have some special self defence training that makes up for your lack of size and strength versus the average male"

The average male is as stiff as a board. I'd out manoeuver most of them no matter the size. Lol! I'd easily wrap my man-crusher thighs around them. Lol!

Some self-defence techniques depend on flexibility/agility.

Unfortunately, I had to physically defend myself from my former husband until the neighbours call the police. I hate to thing what he would have done if I just cowered in the corner or weighed 100lbs.

But this bitch is not going down without a fight.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"And what does stronger sexually even mean??

That women can resist wanking at work ?

Cackle.

I could thing of nothing more unsexy than my work loo.

Even my parents'(borrowed) car is sexier parked out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not my choice to be okay with it or not, it's their life. My children are encouraged to be open and honest, they are being raised to know they can talk to me about anything they wish to. I would talk to them about how they are considering going about it, warn them about the dangers and share any experiences I can that are relevant. They are growing up in a different world to what I did and are already more open minded and aware than I was at that age because society as a whole has changed and moved forward. Swinging could be more widely accepted as a lifestyle by then than it is now.

Pxx

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"its ok saying whatever they choose is fine by me but for the most part in their formative years you've hopefully already moulded them and they wouldn't need to choose it

Not sure what you mean by 'need to choose it'....?

AJust because you choose it and you're happy swinging doesn't mean everyone is and I'd say with respect you're in a minority, I've seen a few people split as a result of this lifestyle so it definitely doesn't suit everyone, it festers emotions such as jealousy and mistrust and these emotions are constantly talked about in forums. So no i wouldn't encourage my children to partake swinging, sorry if that is an opposing view but its my view

The minority?

Sorry - but no. You're fully entitled to your opinion but to say that happy swinging couples are the minority just highlights how little some singles understand the entire concept of swinging.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"Ok, but you are though. Thats just a biological fact.

Unless you have some special self defence training that makes up for your lack of size and strength versus the average male

At 6 foot and raised by bikers I personally am more capable of looking after myself than the average male.

But that's not the point.

Fair enough if you are, but that would put you in the extreme minority of women

Physically weaker does not mean incapable of protecting themselves or governing their own choices.

The average young man is far more at risk of getting assaulted than the average woman.

Maybe fathers should be more protective with their sons and teach them that violence isn't the solution to an argument.

Yes he is on a day to day basis and its very true that far more men are victims of violent crime than women are.

However, we're talking specifically in meeting relative strangers for sex here, and in such a situation, the physical danger to a man is far less than the physical danger to a woman"

The London Gangs target men looking for sex instead of women as the men have more belongings that cost more and are easily fleeced on the black market. Plus the men make more money than women so they are a more profitable target.

I do club meets and hotel meets to reduce some of the risk but it's no different than dating apps and being picked up in a bar/club.

Jeffery Dahmer picked up his victims in bars as did Denis Neilsen.

The Tinder Swindler used the dating app very efficiently to bamboozle his well off female victims.

A few murderers of women liked picking up students in particular. Schoolgirls and college/uni students.

Situational awareness. physical fitness. Mental toughness and self defence classes and avoid high-risk situations as much as possible and always have a safety buddy who know where you are. Male or female or LGBTQIA

Suzy Lamplugh disappeared just doing her job.

Definitely teach your kids stranger danger.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

We're in a loving relationship and we have a child.

Swinging and those two aren't mutually exclusive......

My 75 year old dad watches porn, and drives d*unk with night blindness and smashed into 2 cars. The cops brought him home after midnight.

Do I want my Dad to watch porn? It's really none of my business but my mom snitched. It's his house, his tablet ( which the sibling bought) he can do what he likes.

As for the multiple accidents, it is criminal, dangerous and morally wrong. He could kill himself or someone else worse if it's a little kid chasing a ball. I don't want him to do it but can I bloody stop him? No, I can't. I don't even have the authority to take away his keys and licence.

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By *ris GrayMan
over a year ago

Dorchester

We're in a loving relationship and we have a child.

Swinging and those two aren't mutually exclusive......

My 75 year old dad watches porn, and drives d*unk with night blindness and smashed into 2 cars. The cops brought him home after midnight.

Do I want my Dad to watch porn? It's really none of my business but my mom snitched. It's his house, his tablet ( which the sibling bought) he can do what he likes.

Makes me and the sibling livid when we think about it. I just try not to think about it too much and radically accept that it's out of my control. I mean he's somehow miraculously lived to 75 so I can't really be stressing about how he chooses to die."
Well yes not much you can do about your dad but your children yes but hopefully youve done that in the formative years, i personally think thats whats gone wrong with parenting these days, its a free and easy anything goes lifestyle, swearing no discipline, my girls are good and not involved in this lifestyle thankfully, you can't possibly get it all right but I'd say I've done a not bad job, once they reach a certain age your jobs done, if you've done it right they will be ok if not well thats another story

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

We're in a loving relationship and we have a child.

Swinging and those two aren't mutually exclusive......

Nope.

We were single when we met on here, Fox was 22 and whilst I'm a dad I'm not a biological father.

We were swinging before that loving relationship started. So no, it's no different to the OP's question at all.

ASo you would like your children to go into the swinging world then, if you had a child that is

Like? It's not my place to like that. If they choose to then that's entirely their decision and like any other they make I'd support them.

Swinging doesn't fall into any of those categories. It's scarcely different from the casual sex most experience at a young age whilst they're experimenting and developing.

Ick...this give me the ick.

Given what I know about psychology, I won't' be pushing anyone into anything. I also won't be moulding anyone into whatever my ideal person is. Cringe.

I'm not a parent but if I was I hope I would be giving my children, boundaries, emotional intelligence, life skills, adaptive functional coping strategies, knowledge, information, choices, positive reinforcement, advantages, consequences and most of all support.

I'm not sure why someone would NEED to choose swinging. It's definitely a preference for where ever life has taken them. There are loads of alternatives to swinging so where does the NEED come from? If you don't find it enjoyable, then maybe you need to stop doing it.

I'm just getting sex negative vibes.... and I'm trying to be sex positive.

I enjoy swinging. I can talk about sex and bodies with swingers without people being triggered. I can't, unfortunately, do that with my friends, family and mental health peers.

I enjoy the socials and I experience a connection with my body even if I'm not playing. I enjoy being nude and I enjoy watching other people enjoy themselves.

May I suggest reading the A Curious History of Sex by Kate Lister to find out how we all became so puritanical about sex.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

"Where does the idea that swingera can't be in happy and loving relationships come from?

There's long been common misconceptions about couples who swing, frequently evidenced in forum posts, not limited to these examples.....

We're doing it to fill a gap in our relationship and sex life.

One of us can't fulfill the other so need external assistance.

If one doesn't let the other swing they'll leave.

You can't respect and love your partner if you let them sleep with someone else.

Generally it's singles expressing those views, often accompanied by statements that 'I couldn't swing as a couple' and 'if I found the right person on here we'd leave'.

It's almost as if some can't separate emotional and physical interactions, relationships from commitment free encounters and love and affection from physical lust and a desire to please.

Nowt queer as folk.......

As a single swinger, this is refreshing to hear from a couple.

I spent many years not looking after my body due to trauma. I spent from 2019 to 2022 denying my body pleasure. Sure I fed it, watered it and exercised it. but super low on the pleasure hormones.

I tried dating but people were so dishonest about who they were and hid from their vulnerabilities.

When you are naked and/or having sex or watching sex in a group scenario there is nowhere to hide and we are all vulnerable.

I usually get sensory overloaded in a bad way. Sex and swing provides positive sensory overload so that I can cope better with sensory overload in general.

I refuse to let my swinging and alternative lifestyle be some sort of dirty sordid secret. I also refuse to engage in a narrative that is invalidating for me "such as I wouldn't want my children doing it"

As if we don't have wants, needs, desires, fantasies and dreams. Oh well De Nile ( sic Denial) is a river in Eqypt.

I ascribe to "if you are unhappy with a situation fix it; if you don't know how to fix it, go to someone who can teach you how to fix it."

Don't like Fab: Join Tinder, go speed dating, attend events for singles, hire a sex worker, get a tantric or erotic massage, buy yourself a sex doll. Film yourself wanking. Hit on everyone in the pub until you get someone to take you home or take them home. See a sex therapist. Hire a Matchmaker. Find a virgin by joining a fundamentalist cult. Have an arranged marriage.

If one doesn't like Fab or swinging, maybe one should see a psychotherapist about why one does it if one doesn't like it.

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By *elaninMaverickWoman
over a year ago

near Putney Heath

If it's an unhappy or unhealthy lifestyle, surely you'd want to talk both out of it.

…..

It it’s unhappy / unhealthy … shouldnt you talk yourself out if it? "

or talk to a shrink.?

Like BetterHelp Online Therapy( not an ad)