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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.

energies...

Earlier I was apologising to a friend for not replying earlier - long story short I felt I couldn't give her message justice until I could match her energy/had the right headspace. She was really lovely, completely got it. I don't think it's a ND thing but I may be wrong.

So; is this something you do? Ever think about? Or are you more of a, I'll reply with whatever mood I'm in/length I'm able to give that person at the time sort? And not prone to thinking too much about it like me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah, I have days like that where I just don't have the energy to be very peopley

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester


"energies...

Earlier I was apologising to a friend for not replying earlier - long story short I felt I couldn't give her message justice until I could match her energy/had the right headspace. She was really lovely, completely got it. I don't think it's a ND thing but I may be wrong.

So; is this something you do? Ever think about? Or are you more of a, I'll reply with whatever mood I'm in/length I'm able to give that person at the time sort? And not prone to thinking too much about it like me? "
I personally think you overthink everything and i say that as a compliment not as a negative

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

I had a voicemail (missed the call as was working) before Xmas from an old friend I've not spoken to in around 5 years, possibly more.

They used to be quite the mood hoover and energy sucker whenever we spoke on the phone and the conversation always ended up being centred on the current drama in their life.

I haven't called them back yet.

Possibly won't.

A

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't think much about it. If I can't give a reply that I feel a message warrants I acknowledge it and say I'll reply properly later

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"energies...

Earlier I was apologising to a friend for not replying earlier - long story short I felt I couldn't give her message justice until I could match her energy/had the right headspace. She was really lovely, completely got it. I don't think it's a ND thing but I may be wrong.

So; is this something you do? Ever think about? Or are you more of a, I'll reply with whatever mood I'm in/length I'm able to give that person at the time sort? And not prone to thinking too much about it like me? "

I do the same and been told it's a very ND trait (I have ADHD, so it makes sense).

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.


"Yeah, I have days like that where I just don't have the energy to be very peopley "

Yes! Sometimes I don't have the energy to message folk. I feel bad about it because it feels almost selfish but I mute folk and focus on me.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I don't think about it I just reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get that, friendships do take energy and depending on your relationship with them, decides how much energy they need from you. I tend to only invest in messaging people if my heads in it. Some days I'm just not in the mood to talk to anyone and I think everyone who knows me truely gets that.

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire

Yup.

I don’t like to reply to certain friends messages until I have the time to respond meaningfully.

Others I know that one liners are fine and they’ll respond accordingly.

It’s different friendships with different people.

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

I do this with phone calls. The problem is I just don’t answer it to anyone EVER

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.


"So; is this something you do? Ever think about? Or are you more of a, I'll reply with whatever mood I'm in/length I'm able to give that person at the time sort? And not prone to thinking too much about it like me? I personally think you overthink everything and i say that as a compliment not as a negative "

Oh you charming c...

ad.

No, some things I'm confident in. Certain areas in my life, abilities I know I possess. Still learning and growing in them but I'm self assured within those. But others are interesting discussion points and make a change from the snog/fuck/who has the best/biggest mundane. Bit of navel gazing is good for discussion.

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

Same... I will quite often do this, but I let people know so they don't think I'm ignoring them.

Easy on here as you can mark as unread then go back to it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yeah, I have days like that where I just don't have the energy to be very peopley

Yes! Sometimes I don't have the energy to message folk. I feel bad about it because it feels almost selfish but I mute folk and focus on me."

I mute the group chats and just concentrate on myself when I need to. You shouldn't feel selfish about it though - you're looking after your mental health. Anyone who doesn't understand that, or can't accept it, has the wrong energy for me

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.


"I had a voicemail (missed the call as was working) before Xmas from an old friend I've not spoken to in around 5 years, possibly more.

They used to be quite the mood hoover and energy sucker whenever we spoke on the phone and the conversation always ended up being centred on the current drama in their life.

I haven't called them back yet.

Possibly won't.

A"

Ah an energy vampire! I had an old friend randomly get in touch with me a couple of months ago. I quickly remembered why I let things fizzle politely - the one sided conversation, no interest in me, the drama... don't return that call Obi. No one needs that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I do this with phone calls. The problem is I just don’t answer it to anyone EVER "

Same People know if they want to get hold of me, just text or WhatsApp

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A big reason I'm so shit at replying to messages is because I always want to take time and put thought into them as opposed to just barfing words without any thought. Not gonna lie, even having a few different conversations going stresses me out

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By *rtyIanMan
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons


"energies...

Earlier I was apologising to a friend for not replying earlier - long story short I felt I couldn't give her message justice until I could match her energy/had the right headspace. She was really lovely, completely got it. I don't think it's a ND thing but I may be wrong.

So; is this something you do? Ever think about? Or are you more of a, I'll reply with whatever mood I'm in/length I'm able to give that person at the time sort? And not prone to thinking too much about it like me? "

I do Reiki self healing with my daily meditation and put what i call my energy vampire cloak on,

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.


"energies...

Earlier I was apologising to a friend for not replying earlier - long story short I felt I couldn't give her message justice until I could match her energy/had the right headspace. She was really lovely, completely got it. I don't think it's a ND thing but I may be wrong.

So; is this something you do? Ever think about? Or are you more of a, I'll reply with whatever mood I'm in/length I'm able to give that person at the time sort? And not prone to thinking too much about it like me?

I do the same and been told it's a very ND trait (I have ADHD, so it makes sense). "

I did wonder if it was. But then sometimes I think heck, it's my confirmation bias.

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Yes - I guess I don’t use message apps like most people for that exact reason - I have all notifications off so I only know I have a message when I choose to look & even then I only reply if I feel like it.

I’ve learned if I respond to all messages and emails on demand I simply don’t get time for what’s important to me

It does mean sometimes people give up on me! but my close friends know if they need me they can just call. And I think I’m better in person

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By *uriousscouserWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

One of my friends got me into the habit of starting any deep conversations with "do you have the head space to talk about...".

It's a lovely bit of consideration, because I think we all have times where we just can't deal.

For the most part if someone WhatsApps me I will try to match their energy in response. Some times that takes more mental energy than others.

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By *rolicUsCouple
over a year ago

Alluringly mysterious


"energies...

Earlier I was apologising to a friend for not replying earlier - long story short I felt I couldn't give her message justice until I could match her energy/had the right headspace. She was really lovely, completely got it. I don't think it's a ND thing but I may be wrong.

So; is this something you do? Ever think about? Or are you more of a, I'll reply with whatever mood I'm in/length I'm able to give that person at the time sort? And not prone to thinking too much about it like me?

I do the same and been told it's a very ND trait (I have ADHD, so it makes sense).

I did wonder if it was. But then sometimes I think heck, it's my confirmation bias. "

And availability bias as so many of us gorgeous complex creatures are ND. My ADHD means I cannot not read threads or contribute- I must say something even if it’s utter dross or pathetic attention seeking. I have marvellous intentions and colossal stores of empathy so heartfelt when written though. But then angst over how it’ll come across.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"energies...

Earlier I was apologising to a friend for not replying earlier - long story short I felt I couldn't give her message justice until I could match her energy/had the right headspace. She was really lovely, completely got it. I don't think it's a ND thing but I may be wrong.

So; is this something you do? Ever think about? Or are you more of a, I'll reply with whatever mood I'm in/length I'm able to give that person at the time sort? And not prone to thinking too much about it like me?

I do the same and been told it's a very ND trait (I have ADHD, so it makes sense).

I did wonder if it was. But then sometimes I think heck, it's my confirmation bias. "
m

It takes tremendous courage to recognise it and then look after yourself. I find myself unable to say no, sometimes and that affects my mental health greatly. If you’re able to stop yourself from getting involved in a conversation you’re not ready for, I’d say it’s a great start

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

My good friend knows that if I reply with

Yes, ok, fine thanks…. It means I simply cannot talk because I’m out of spoons. If they get nothing further after that then I get a follow up or a call.

Everyone else probably just thinks I’m rude.

I can’t answer the part about NT/ND because I’m currently doubting where I fall there

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By *rolicUsCouple
over a year ago

Alluringly mysterious


"energies...

Earlier I was apologising to a friend for not replying earlier - long story short I felt I couldn't give her message justice until I could match her energy/had the right headspace. She was really lovely, completely got it. I don't think it's a ND thing but I may be wrong.

So; is this something you do? Ever think about? Or are you more of a, I'll reply with whatever mood I'm in/length I'm able to give that person at the time sort? And not prone to thinking too much about it like me?

I do the same and been told it's a very ND trait (I have ADHD, so it makes sense).

I did wonder if it was. But then sometimes I think heck, it's my confirmation bias. m

It takes tremendous courage to recognise it and then look after yourself. I find myself unable to say no, sometimes and that affects my mental health greatly. If you’re able to stop yourself from getting involved in a conversation you’re not ready for, I’d say it’s a great start "

In only recently diagnosed so it’s all a bit meta at the moment - tiring thinking about the thinking! But fascinating and enables me to see how many spectacular friends also have sparkly brains.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Generally I'm the kind of person who replies straight away because my brain thinks I should (or because I'm enjoying the conversation obviously!).

That said, sometimes I get a message and don't know how to respond, or I think there might be negative repercussions of replying, I put it off. In some cases, just opening a message from a particular person makes me anxious and I just leave it until I feel up to dealing with it.

I think I go the opposite way in terms of worrying too - I worry that people don't want an instant reply and find it a bit much. But if I leave it for a while, I worry they'll find the delay rude.

And that's before we get on to judging the content of a message to someone I don't know that well - will they understand when I'm joking, is flirting appropriate, etc.

Minefield!

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth


"I do this with phone calls. The problem is I just don’t answer it to anyone EVER

Same People know if they want to get hold of me, just text or WhatsApp "

Same... There's maybe 4 people I'll answer the phone to, parents, son and 1 friend.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My good friend knows that if I reply with

Yes, ok, fine thanks…. It means I simply cannot talk because I’m out of spoons. If they get nothing further after that then I get a follow up or a call.

Everyone else probably just thinks I’m rude.

I can’t answer the part about NT/ND because I’m currently doubting where I fall there "

What does NT mean?

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By *astandtheCurious2Couple
over a year ago

letchworth

I will leave a message until I’m in the right space to answer it. Sometimes it just takes too much energy to reply sufficiently, especially as you know it won’t end there there will be another message to reply to after that

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth


"One of my friends got me into the habit of starting any deep conversations with "do you have the head space to talk about...".

It's a lovely bit of consideration, because I think we all have times where we just can't deal.

For the most part if someone WhatsApps me I will try to match their energy in response. Some times that takes more mental energy than others."

That's such a great idea! I'll often say I don't have the capacity to deal with a situation right now. Might steal the head space thing though

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By *nightsoftheCoffeeTableCouple
over a year ago

Leeds

Yes I do this often, more with the best friend, I don't want to give a one line because I'm busy, stressed or just not in the mood, I wait and reply when I've chance to sit and do it properly.

Mrs

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree


"My good friend knows that if I reply with

Yes, ok, fine thanks…. It means I simply cannot talk because I’m out of spoons. If they get nothing further after that then I get a follow up or a call.

Everyone else probably just thinks I’m rude.

I can’t answer the part about NT/ND because I’m currently doubting where I fall there

What does NT mean? "

Neurotypical

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

I just tend to reply at the time… unless I’m really really annoyed with someone. Then I delete the whole thread and think about it another time. Funnily enough, that has just happened grrr…

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By *ou only live onceMan
over a year ago

London

Hadn't thought of it in terms of matching energies, but there are definitely messages where I need/want to take time to think about a proper reply, as I want to make sure I offer the recipient a response their message deserved, so I'll just sit tight until I'm ready.

I might fire off a quick reply so they know I'm not ignoring them and say I'll come back in detail later...but not always.

I know I can be a slow/infrequent communicator and I think most of my friends/family know that by now. On here, and with the added consideration of not wanting to clog anyone's inbox, I worry that it can come across as indifference/disinterest when it's not, but not much I can do about that!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"….

So; is this something you do? Ever think about? Or are you more of a, I'll reply with whatever mood I'm in/length I'm able to give that person at the time sort? And not prone to thinking too much about it like me? "

I dont think much. But if I did leave it, it would be because I am in a bad mood.

If I reply quickly =good mood.

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

I don't engage in deep and meaningful message exchanges, so when I get a message, I reply.

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.


"I get that, friendships do take energy and depending on your relationship with them, decides how much energy they need from you. I tend to only invest in messaging people if my heads in it. Some days I'm just not in the mood to talk to anyone and I think everyone who knows me truely gets that. "

Yes. It's rare it happens but I can't keep up high energy waffling all the time so I mute people. My good friends know when I'm really low energy because it surpasses needy and results in me hibernating.

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By *rofessor ElementalMan
over a year ago

Durham

When energies match it just feels so good in every way.

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.


"Yup.

I don’t like to reply to certain friends messages until I have the time to respond meaningfully.

Others I know that one liners are fine and they’ll respond accordingly.

It’s different friendships with different people.

"

Yes. Like I know for all your teasing you understand my messaging style. It's very much there or not. Doesn't mean I love you any less.

Different friendships colour how you interact definitely.

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.


"A big reason I'm so shit at replying to messages is because I always want to take time and put thought into them as opposed to just barfing words without any thought. Not gonna lie, even having a few different conversations going stresses me out "

Understandable. It's hard to keep a level of energy going when there are different tangents to direct it in to.

Don't get the barfing out words thing though - the most interesting conversations are late at night stream of consciousness when the darkness strips you of inhibitions and you let the words flow unedited. You're you, the authentic raw you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m really bad at replying to messages anyway but some days I just don’t have the energy to and rather than replying for the sake of it , I’ll leave them until I feel like I can put more of an effort into my reply.

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By *imited 3EditionCouple
over a year ago

Live in Scotland Play in England


"I had a voicemail (missed the call as was working) before Xmas from an old friend I've not spoken to in around 5 years, possibly more.

They used to be quite the mood hoover and energy sucker whenever we spoke on the phone and the conversation always ended up being centred on the current drama in their life.

I haven't called them back yet.

Possibly won't.

A"

I think we may have a mutual friend

One time she affected my energy so much that my sleep was disrupted for weeks! Now I make sure I'm in the right place myself to be able to handle her dramas. It's such a shame that's she's such an energy vampire as I know she needs people to care for her

Sara x

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.


"energies...

Earlier I was apologising to a friend for not replying earlier - long story short I felt I couldn't give her message justice until I could match her energy/had the right headspace. She was really lovely, completely got it. I don't think it's a ND thing but I may be wrong.

So; is this something you do? Ever think about? Or are you more of a, I'll reply with whatever mood I'm in/length I'm able to give that person at the time sort? And not prone to thinking too much about it like me?

I do the same and been told it's a very ND trait (I have ADHD, so it makes sense).

I did wonder if it was. But then sometimes I think heck, it's my confirmation bias.

And availability bias as so many of us gorgeous complex creatures are ND. My ADHD means I cannot not read threads or contribute- I must say something even if it’s utter dross or pathetic attention seeking. I have marvellous intentions and colossal stores of empathy so heartfelt when written though. But then angst over how it’ll come across.

"

You come across beautifully Mrs Frolic. Do you know what I adore reading? Posts where you can hear the person saying it and it fits. Rings true. There's no dissonance between the words on screen and the author's voice.

Availability bias is an issue, perhaps not solely for us ND types but definitely more prevalent. There's a lot to be said for having available spoons as another poster said (I love the spoons thing and use it frequently when talking to a dear Geordie friend).

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh Meli, you should never apologise for such things. I do it too though, so who am I to dish out advice?

I'm similar in that sometimes the energy and command of the English language necessary to give a worthy reply just isn't there. It does depend on the friendship. Some people would feel ignored if I didn't send a cursory "will reply properly in a bit" type message. Others totally get it and know I'll attend to it when I can give them the focus they deserve. I hadn't thought about it in NT/ND terms before this thread though.

Nell

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.


"Yes - I guess I don’t use message apps like most people for that exact reason - I have all notifications off so I only know I have a message when I choose to look & even then I only reply if I feel like it.

I’ve learned if I respond to all messages and emails on demand I simply don’t get time for what’s important to me

It does mean sometimes people give up on me! but my close friends know if they need me they can just call. And I think I’m better in person "

People might give up but it's about finding people who accept you quirks, faults and peculiar behaviours without batting an eyelid. I don't know if you're better in person but you possibly are. Most people are - the written word can only convey so much.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"My good friend knows that if I reply with

Yes, ok, fine thanks…. It means I simply cannot talk because I’m out of spoons. If they get nothing further after that then I get a follow up or a call.

Everyone else probably just thinks I’m rude.

I can’t answer the part about NT/ND because I’m currently doubting where I fall there

What does NT mean?

Neurotypical "

Thank you

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By *rolicUsCouple
over a year ago

Alluringly mysterious


"energies...

Earlier I was apologising to a friend for not replying earlier - long story short I felt I couldn't give her message justice until I could match her energy/had the right headspace. She was really lovely, completely got it. I don't think it's a ND thing but I may be wrong.

So; is this something you do? Ever think about? Or are you more of a, I'll reply with whatever mood I'm in/length I'm able to give that person at the time sort? And not prone to thinking too much about it like me?

I do the same and been told it's a very ND trait (I have ADHD, so it makes sense).

I did wonder if it was. But then sometimes I think heck, it's my confirmation bias.

And availability bias as so many of us gorgeous complex creatures are ND. My ADHD means I cannot not read threads or contribute- I must say something even if it’s utter dross or pathetic attention seeking. I have marvellous intentions and colossal stores of empathy so heartfelt when written though. But then angst over how it’ll come across.

You come across beautifully Mrs Frolic. Do you know what I adore reading? Posts where you can hear the person saying it and it fits. Rings true. There's no dissonance between the words on screen and the author's voice.

Availability bias is an issue, perhaps not solely for us ND types but definitely more prevalent. There's a lot to be said for having available spoons as another poster said (I love the spoons thing and use it frequently when talking to a dear Geordie friend)."

Thank you darling. I love this type of thread. So much better connection and deeper intent.

Huge spoons theory fan- often share it in my professional life and to friends x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do the spoons mean?

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By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North


"What do the spoons mean? "

Whetherspoons obvs

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By *nterblueMan
over a year ago

manchester

I might not reply right away if I can't give it the time and thought that I feel it needs. I tend to think of it more in terms of focus than energy.

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By *dam1971Man
over a year ago

Bedford

It shows good self awareness and empathy for others too. If we get something wrong it can be quite damaging so taking time helps to avoid that.

The flip side is that it can appear strange to the other person who might interpret it as not caring or avoiding the subject.

The more I discover about emotional intelligence, the more I’m amazed anyone gets it right without a 7 year training course

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.


"It shows good self awareness and empathy for others too. If we get something wrong it can be quite damaging so taking time helps to avoid that.

The flip side is that it can appear strange to the other person who might interpret it as not caring or avoiding the subject.

The more I discover about emotional intelligence, the more I’m amazed anyone gets it right without a 7 year training course "

Oh emotional intelligence is another fascinating topic isn't it? I think too oft we fall into thinking we possess it when the reality is so far removed from it. There's nothing wrong with that, none of us are perfect. We're all just getting along, mostly without trying to cause deliberate harm/hurt.

I know sometimes I misread situations, when people don't message. Maybe not being self focused is a good reminder.

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

I need to be in the right frame of mind sometimes and not preoccupied with other life stuff, or too tired.

Depending upon who it is that's messaging, I do try and send a quick message saying I'm busy and will reply properly later.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm definitely more of a reply when I'm in the right headspace kind of woman. I have to be in the mood otherwise the conversation doesn't really flow. I have maybe two people (not on here) where I can just bounce back and forward with no matter how I'm feeling and they just get it because they know me so well, so nothing needs explaining and the conversation just glides smoothly no matter what.

But on here, I feel bad for how much I suck at replying to messages, but it's difficult to match energy sometimes if you've got a lot going on and you're not in the mood. I try my best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I'm definitely more of a reply when I'm in the right headspace kind of woman. I have to be in the mood otherwise the conversation doesn't really flow. I have maybe two people (not on here) where I can just bounce back and forward with no matter how I'm feeling and they just get it because they know me so well, so nothing needs explaining and the conversation just glides smoothly no matter what.

But on here, I feel bad for how much I suck at replying to messages, but it's difficult to match energy sometimes if you've got a lot going on and you're not in the mood. I try my best."

I get this. And this is the reason I give my number to those I feel are friends. They can message me anytime. Until then, it’s a fab thing, and I reply when I’m in a fab mood.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do the spoons mean?

Whetherspoons obvs "

Apparently so!

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.


"What do the spoons mean?

Whetherspoons obvs

Apparently so! "

I'm going to try and explain it succinctly.

So imagine you've got a set number of spoons to get through your day. Let's say 15 because I like the roundness of it (begone succinctness). For me, there are certain things that can mean those spoons end up dirty and in the washing up bowl. Like remove a spoon for bad news. For something overstimulating. Something that hurts you. Doing daily tasks. Now sometimes those spoons can be cleaned by good news. A quiet space. A good friend sends a thoughtful message.

But some days you run out/low on spoons. You don't have the spoons to give to your friend who needs it for a cup of tea. So you wait until your spoons are clean again. Actively try and make them sometimes.

Hope that's explained it a bit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We reply regardless and try to match the energy. If your message is dead, so is ours. Not putting effort into replying if no effort was made when it was sent.

One thing you eventually learn in life is that you don't owe anyone anything. If you flow with the messages then great, if it gets dry very quickly then let it be.

Worst thing trying to carry on a conversation where you are pulling words out of your ass just to keep it going. We let it die and move on.

Just got to realise that certain people aren't made for each other.

Last thing we want is to awkwardly converse with people.

Although it is not the easiest thing to communicate and express emotion through messages. It may be totally opposite when you meet people in real life scenarios.

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By *rolicUsCouple
over a year ago

Alluringly mysterious


"What do the spoons mean?

Whetherspoons obvs

Apparently so!

I'm going to try and explain it succinctly.

So imagine you've got a set number of spoons to get through your day. Let's say 15 because I like the roundness of it (begone succinctness). For me, there are certain things that can mean those spoons end up dirty and in the washing up bowl. Like remove a spoon for bad news. For something overstimulating. Something that hurts you. Doing daily tasks. Now sometimes those spoons can be cleaned by good news. A quiet space. A good friend sends a thoughtful message.

But some days you run out/low on spoons. You don't have the spoons to give to your friend who needs it for a cup of tea. So you wait until your spoons are clean again. Actively try and make them sometimes.

Hope that's explained it a bit."

And if you’re grieving/ have a chronic illness you might accidentally borrow spoons from the next day to get you through, and then be far more exhausted than you were expecting. So being kind to yourself and pacing is key.

Self compassion through realising you’ve only got set limits of energy - physical and emotional.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do the spoons mean?

Whetherspoons obvs

Apparently so!

I'm going to try and explain it succinctly.

So imagine you've got a set number of spoons to get through your day. Let's say 15 because I like the roundness of it (begone succinctness). For me, there are certain things that can mean those spoons end up dirty and in the washing up bowl. Like remove a spoon for bad news. For something overstimulating. Something that hurts you. Doing daily tasks. Now sometimes those spoons can be cleaned by good news. A quiet space. A good friend sends a thoughtful message.

But some days you run out/low on spoons. You don't have the spoons to give to your friend who needs it for a cup of tea. So you wait until your spoons are clean again. Actively try and make them sometimes.

Hope that's explained it a bit.

And if you’re grieving/ have a chronic illness you might accidentally borrow spoons from the next day to get you through, and then be far more exhausted than you were expecting. So being kind to yourself and pacing is key.

Self compassion through realising you’ve only got set limits of energy - physical and emotional.

"

Thank you both

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By *enrietteandSamCouple
over a year ago

Staffordshire


"We reply regardless and try to match the energy. If your message is dead, so is ours. Not putting effort into replying if no effort was made when it was sent.

One thing you eventually learn in life is that you don't owe anyone anything. If you flow with the messages then great, if it gets dry very quickly then let it be.

Worst thing trying to carry on a conversation where you are pulling words out of your ass just to keep it going. We let it die and move on.

Just got to realise that certain people aren't made for each other.

Last thing we want is to awkwardly converse with people.

Although it is not the easiest thing to communicate and express emotion through messages. It may be totally opposite when you meet people in real life scenarios. "

Good response.

This explanation really resonates with me today.

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By *eli OP   Woman
over a year ago

.


"What do the spoons mean?

Whetherspoons obvs

Apparently so!

I'm going to try and explain it succinctly.

So imagine you've got a set number of spoons to get through your day. Let's say 15 because I like the roundness of it (begone succinctness). For me, there are certain things that can mean those spoons end up dirty and in the washing up bowl. Like remove a spoon for bad news. For something overstimulating. Something that hurts you. Doing daily tasks. Now sometimes those spoons can be cleaned by good news. A quiet space. A good friend sends a thoughtful message.

But some days you run out/low on spoons. You don't have the spoons to give to your friend who needs it for a cup of tea. So you wait until your spoons are clean again. Actively try and make them sometimes.

Hope that's explained it a bit.

And if you’re grieving/ have a chronic illness you might accidentally borrow spoons from the next day to get you through, and then be far more exhausted than you were expecting. So being kind to yourself and pacing is key.

Self compassion through realising you’ve only got set limits of energy - physical and emotional.

"

I adore this. Thank you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What do the spoons mean?

Whetherspoons obvs

Apparently so!

I'm going to try and explain it succinctly.

So imagine you've got a set number of spoons to get through your day. Let's say 15 because I like the roundness of it (begone succinctness). For me, there are certain things that can mean those spoons end up dirty and in the washing up bowl. Like remove a spoon for bad news. For something overstimulating. Something that hurts you. Doing daily tasks. Now sometimes those spoons can be cleaned by good news. A quiet space. A good friend sends a thoughtful message.

But some days you run out/low on spoons. You don't have the spoons to give to your friend who needs it for a cup of tea. So you wait until your spoons are clean again. Actively try and make them sometimes.

Hope that's explained it a bit."

Well...this hit home.

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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago

South Wales


"Yeah, I have days like that where I just don't have the energy to be very peopley "

Same here really. If I need to give more than a few words in response then I usually wait until I’m feeling more sociable. Which can take days

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London


"energies...

Earlier I was apologising to a friend for not replying earlier - long story short I felt I couldn't give her message justice until I could match her energy/had the right headspace. She was really lovely, completely got it. I don't think it's a ND thing but I may be wrong.

So; is this something you do? Ever think about? Or are you more of a, I'll reply with whatever mood I'm in/length I'm able to give that person at the time sort? And not prone to thinking too much about it like me?

I do the same and been told it's a very ND trait (I have ADHD, so it makes sense).

I did wonder if it was. But then sometimes I think heck, it's my confirmation bias. "

No it's definitely an ND traits!

Which isn't to say NTs don't do it as well but certainly being overwhelmed by communication and not having the energy to reply seems very typical of us.

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny


"energies...

Earlier I was apologising to a friend for not replying earlier - long story short I felt I couldn't give her message justice until I could match her energy/had the right headspace. She was really lovely, completely got it. I don't think it's a ND thing but I may be wrong.

So; is this something you do? Ever think about? Or are you more of a, I'll reply with whatever mood I'm in/length I'm able to give that person at the time sort? And not prone to thinking too much about it like me? "

Its not just about headspace for me its about being able to give the time to devote to a proper thought out response.

Obviously that only applies to conversations that require more than a yes/no type response.

The lack of an answer doesn’t always denote a lack of interest.

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