FabSwingers.com forum: Walking in another person's shoes.

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

It's often held up as an ideal - the ability to truly empathize with another, to understand what they're going through. Is it something you're quite good at it? Does it sway your actions/responses?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I *try* to do it, not always successfully and not always well. I think it's a good thing but shouldn't always result in changing your attitude towards someone.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No,im 75% selfish

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *odgerMooreMan
over a year ago

Fulwood

I used to jump on someones behaviour and make a hasty judgement but life has taught me that sometimes you have to get to the cause of why someone behaves like they do - especially if the behaviour seems unusual or irrational. Now I’m quite guarded in forming an opinion of someone until i know them more.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate that phrase.

I don't think I need to experience the exact same things as someone else to form an opinion.

Yes people's personal experiences shape them but I've found that phrase is used by people mostly who act poorly and blame everything but their own choices and actions

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's often held up as an ideal - the ability to truly empathize with another, to understand what they're going through. Is it something you're quite good at it? Does it sway your actions/responses?"

No. I don't want other people's shoes. I have enough problems with my own shoes.

People are a little too keen these days to try on other people's shoes, if you ask me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very deep thoughts for Wednesday morning

But hear goes work in Customer facing role and on occasions been called to first aid instances we obviously have to be careful and indeed what we say a lot of people these days have lot of issues in there life’s some really heartbreaking stories from people who are living alone alcohol issues drug issues and some people have serious medical ailments I do sympathise with them and try to help them as much as I can indeed it can impact my life because sometimes become to involved need to step away then so yes sometimes I can and always will walk in other people size 13

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

It is held as an ideal, however the trouble is that until you truly know what someones like, all you can do is try and empathise with what they let you see of them.

That can lead to you being massively off!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I *try* to do it, not always successfully and not always well. I think it's a good thing but shouldn't always result in changing your attitude towards someone.

Is it always a good thing though? Sometimes I think we can become too focused on another and lose sight of our own narrative and what's important to us.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I *try* to do it, not always successfully and not always well. I think it's a good thing but shouldn't always result in changing your attitude towards someone.

Is it always a good thing though? Sometimes I think we can become too focused on another and lose sight of our own narrative and what's important to us.

Yes, I think it is always a good thing. You don't need to lose sight of your own needs or what's important to you, it's possible to consider how someone got to where they are without taking anything away from yourself. It also doesn't mean you feel sorry for them or give way but it can ease bitterness or hurt although it can also make you wonder how anyone can still be so awful

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"It's often held up as an ideal - the ability to truly empathize with another, to understand what they're going through. Is it something you're quite good at it? Does it sway your actions/responses?"
my shoes would be too big for you..... So you'd walk funny

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I used to jump on someones behaviour and make a hasty judgement but life has taught me that sometimes you have to get to the cause of why someone behaves like they do - especially if the behaviour seems unusual or irrational. Now I’m quite guarded in forming an opinion of someone until i know them more. "

Ah that's a good way to be! People are complicated and multifaceted - sometimes there's a good reason for someone behaving in a certain way and if you give them space to show that, that's not a bad thing is it? I'm trying to be less hasty in judgements, there's always an instinctive response but that doesn't need to be acted on. I had that experience recently, my initial response was to block, out of sight out of mind and then I stopped and thought about it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I've been trying to walk in the shoes of the parents refusing their child's life saving operation unless unvaccinated blood can be guaranteed. I honestly cannot empathise or even begin to understand but I feel a tiny bit of compassion for their conflict (surely they're conflicted, right?)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

Getting better at it. The one that brings it home to me everytime is imagine you were the homeless person sleeping under a cardboard box at xmas time.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

"Walk a mile in another man's shoes. By the time they realise, you're a mile away and you've got their shoes."

Terry Pratchett

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It's often held up as an ideal - the ability to truly empathize with another, to understand what they're going through. Is it something you're quite good at it? Does it sway your actions/responses?

No. I don't want other people's shoes. I have enough problems with my own shoes.

People are a little too keen these days to try on other people's shoes, if you ask me."

yeah that's fair. Why do you think we're so keen to try on other's shoes? Is it for the benefit of us, others or bystanders?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

Women love shoes it's a natural progression

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lderflower_AppleWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

I hate this... my industry is forever telling us we need to be empathetic. How do you teach a call centre full of school leavers and graduates to show empathy to someone about to retire, having been through a whole life of experiences they can't even imagine, or expecting them to support someone who's reporting the death of an elderly relative or spouse?

I much prefer to talk about compassion.

We can't show empathy for circumstances we haven't experienced, but we can show compassion and try to understand how the other person has been impacted or how they're feeling.

We can also hold back on judgement until we've taken then time to understand.

Kindess and compassion is everything, and karma sees that...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's often held up as an ideal - the ability to truly empathize with another, to understand what they're going through. Is it something you're quite good at it? Does it sway your actions/responses?

No. I don't want other people's shoes. I have enough problems with my own shoes.

People are a little too keen these days to try on other people's shoes, if you ask me.

yeah that's fair. Why do you think we're so keen to try on other's shoes? Is it for the benefit of us, others or bystanders?"

Because we're worried that other people have comfier shoes than us.

Problem is that people spend a lot of time shining their shoes so others want their shoes.

When you look inside though, the shoes are often in dire need of Odor Eaters and new inners.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

Yes I always try and explain technical things by imagining I am the other (non-technical) person. It's a skill developed over the years and works well for me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *achel SmythTV/TS
over a year ago

Farnborough

I once tried walking in someone else’s shoes - a woman’s

… problem is I liked it and carried on wearing them and walking in them

Lol xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I hate this... my industry is forever telling us we need to be empathetic. How do you teach a call centre full of school leavers and graduates to show empathy to someone about to retire, having been through a whole life of experiences they can't even imagine, or expecting them to support someone who's reporting the death of an elderly relative or spouse?

I much prefer to talk about compassion.

We can't show empathy for circumstances we haven't experienced, but we can show compassion and try to understand how the other person has been impacted or how they're feeling.

We can also hold back on judgement until we've taken then time to understand.

Kindess and compassion is everything, and karma sees that..."

To me walking in someone else's shoes is part of compassion.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"It's often held up as an ideal - the ability to truly empathize with another, to understand what they're going through. Is it something you're quite good at it? Does it sway your actions/responses?

No. I don't want other people's shoes. I have enough problems with my own shoes.

People are a little too keen these days to try on other people's shoes, if you ask me."

I got some nice new timberlands?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's often held up as an ideal - the ability to truly empathize with another, to understand what they're going through. Is it something you're quite good at it? Does it sway your actions/responses?

No. I don't want other people's shoes. I have enough problems with my own shoes.

People are a little too keen these days to try on other people's shoes, if you ask me.

I got some nice new timberlands? "

And I'll give you the key.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I've been trying to walk in the shoes of the parents refusing their child's life saving operation unless unvaccinated blood can be guaranteed. I honestly cannot empathise or even begin to understand but I feel a tiny bit of compassion for their conflict (surely they're conflicted, right?)"

Ah yes. I feel a bit of compassion for their conflict (0.2%) but I really can't empathize at all. What's right for the child isn't about pleasing their parents and keeping them happy by entertaining absurdity. So yeah, I'm going to happily stay in my shoes for this one. Even if it means I'm not empathetic.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes I always try and explain technical things by imagining I am the other (non-technical) person. It's a skill developed over the years and works well for me."

That is a good skill. Too many people get too technical when plain English is needed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Just listening to a podcast at the moment with Joe Trancini and I agree with what he said that no-one can actually see the world through someone elses eyes or walk in their shoes.

As others have said using the phrase to accuse others of not understanding your own behaviour and telling them it's their failing seems to be a more common occurrence these days.

Most people struggle to walk in their own shoes without trying someone else's on

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't think the phrase should be taken to mean that you literally walk yourself through someone else's life experiences. To me at least it means, stop, consider, ask a couple of questions. Also it should be applied wisely I'm not going to waste my time trying to empathise with someone Ian Brady for example

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

My cynical view is it's a bit of a daft concept, as often people are only interested in self interest.

By that I mean if something is going to promote status they'll learn about a facet of it. Rarely do people actively learn about concepts, issues or others for purely altruistic reasons. It would be an impossible feat for one.

Take homelessness, gay rights, racism, religion, class divides, even things like the menopause or CPR. Unless there's a necessity or wider need we are not geared up to read minds. People are largely governed by habit, day to day interactions with possible reflection.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

So saying you try to put yourself in someone else's shoes is seen as virtue signalling?

An interesting opinion, if I consider it am I putting myself in someone else's shoes? I don't think I'm goiy to win this one

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

I see empathy as one of my greatest strong points but I do really think that it’s because I’ve been through a lot so I can genuinely empathise with someone. I also enjoy being kind to others. Always

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

"I don't think the phrase should be taken to mean that you literally walk yourself through someone else's life experiences. To me at least it means, stop, consider, ask a couple of questions. Also it should be applied wisely I'm not going to waste my time trying to empathise with someone Ian Brady for example "

Realise you're just giving an example and I'm not picking bones but understanding Brady would possibly help catch future killers, advance treatments, improve safety-nets, by extension people smugglers, grooming gangs and on.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

I much prefer to talk about compassion.

We can't show empathy for circumstances we haven't experienced, but we can show compassion and try to understand how the other person has been impacted or how they're feeling.

We can also hold back on judgement until we've taken then time to understand.

Kindess and compassion is everything, and karma sees that..."

I quite like the idea of compassion over empathy, it might be because of the way you've phrased it and my procrastination is endless today... but I think there's a lot to be said for showing compassion to others. Holding back on judgement is easier said than done; we're prone to making rather quick ones. But being aware of that and open to the idea of it being changed is a positive.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

That's not my responsibility though

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

This reminds of something my boss told me decades ago at the Pru! If you can see life through John Smith’s eyes, you can sell John Smith what John Smith buys

I think it’s important not just in sales, if someone’s upset and angry and says stuff you might not agree with it argues it’s not because they or you are right or wrong. It’s simply because you haven’t experienced life through their eyes

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

"So saying you try to put yourself in someone else's shoes is seen as virtue signalling?

An interesting opinion, if I consider it am I putting myself in someone else's shoes? I don't think I'm goiy to win this one

It is a bit of a morning thought. We weren't that bothered about womens rights in the 50's, gay rights or racism, same with most things until they become part of a wider conversation.

People who are happy to keep old world views are still happy in themselves, yet the rest of us feel we're know more because we're no longer anti gay, anti homeless, anti this or that without having any real depth of knowledge.

I'm just musing really - people no doubt have interest but a lot of it has to come from self interest.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

[Removed by poster at 07/12/22 10:28:09]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"[Shoes removed by poster at 07/12/22 10:28:09]"

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

Yes I think so x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

I've often been told I should have reacted differently to certain situations I experienced in the distant past.

I've been told I should have done this that or the other because that's what they would have done.

The thing they seem to have forgotten is that they've never had that gun put to their head or been treated in a particular way because of where they were born or their religion.

I've never asked anyone to walk in my shoes but don't try and tell me you would have worn them with more of a swagger when you really don't have a clue what you're talking about.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If your a woman’s 6 line up I have plenty yous can borrow

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"Yes I always try and explain technical things by imagining I am the other (non-technical) person. It's a skill developed over the years and works well for me.

That is a good skill. Too many people get too technical when plain English is needed.

Switch it off and switch it on again. The gaffer tape of technology.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"So saying you try to put yourself in someone else's shoes is seen as virtue signalling?

An interesting opinion, if I consider it am I putting myself in someone else's shoes? I don't think I'm goiy to win this one

It is a bit of a morning thought. We weren't that bothered about womens rights in the 50's, gay rights or racism, same with most things until they become part of a wider conversation.

I'm just musing really - people no doubt have interest but a lot of it has to come from self interest. "

I think generally people cling on to old world views until they are forced to change.

What are we not that bothered about now that in 50 or 100 years we will look back in disbelief ?

Yes, you know it.

And look at the attacks people and companies get when they try to live more consciously by saving the planet, becoming vegan or using more inclusive and less damaging language

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"So saying you try to put yourself in someone else's shoes is seen as virtue signalling?

An interesting opinion, if I consider it am I putting myself in someone else's shoes? I don't think I'm goiy to win this one

It is a bit of a morning thought. We weren't that bothered about womens rights in the 50's, gay rights or racism, same with most things until they become part of a wider conversation.

I'm just musing really - people no doubt have interest but a lot of it has to come from self interest. "

I think you need to keep self interest at heart but I don't think trying to see things from someone else's point of view is a bad thing or necessarily self promotion. It is possible of course that I'm not remotely self aware and in fact saying that I'm happy to consider other people's experiences is just a way of telling people how great I actually am. I honestly had never looked at it from that angle.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ugarbonkCouple
over a year ago

Cheshire

My thoughts

It's a phrase that has changed its meaning over time from "Be more empathic" to "You don't know what I've been through, stop being critical of me". Anyone who uses the phrase as a 'woe is me' immediately makes my spider senses tingle.

Being able to empathise means you mentally work twice as hard as someone who is only thinking about themselves. It can become very draining and there is potential to overthink and lose your ability to make decisions.

It's a blessing and also a curse depending on how you use this skill.

It's also important to define your own boundaries and understand that everyone is on their own journey and it is not your responsibility to constantly pour energy into someone, no matter how much you want to help them. You need a cut off point. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths will use your empathy against you.

I once got too close to an emotional vampire who craved attention but I lived to tell the tale

Be careful out there but helping others and having empathy is well worth the risks and will enrich your life. It's the human experience.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ryandseeMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire

Having empathy for others is a good thing but sometimes people need more than that which might include professional help. One must also be careful not to cross the line from being empathetic to patronising someone. Always good to take time to get to know someone a little better before making judgements. To answer the shoe question, no you don't have to see it exactly from a position of being in their shoes but try to offer understanding and non prejudiced advise and point of view

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amspoonsMan
over a year ago

North East

I walked a mile in someone elses shoes once. When I get there, my feet hurt, someone a mile away from me was very angry about their missing shoes and my own shoes were now a mile away from where I was.

The whole thing was a disaster. Never again.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"It's often held up as an ideal - the ability to truly empathize with another, to understand what they're going through. Is it something you're quite good at it? Does it sway your actions/responses?

No. I don't want other people's shoes. I have enough problems with my own shoes.

People are a little too keen these days to try on other people's shoes, if you ask me.

yeah that's fair. Why do you think we're so keen to try on other's shoes? Is it for the benefit of us, others or bystanders?

Because we're worried that other people have comfier shoes than us.

Problem is that people spend a lot of time shining their shoes so others want their shoes.

When you look inside though, the shoes are often in dire need of Odor Eaters and new inners."

That's very true - the shoes of another might not be quite as they appear. And we do have a tendency to almost glamourise our experiences and those of others. That's part of the human condition isn't it? Romanticising reality.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *amspoonsMan
over a year ago

North East

Also, why is "st0len" a blocked word on here?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

So is it a good thing or a bad thing or does it depend on the person doing it or not doing it?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

Got to say I've thought myself out on this one.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oodmessMan
over a year ago

yumsville

"So is it a good thing or a bad thing or does it depend on the person doing it or not doing it?"

There needs to be a twitter poll.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m not playing dress up for you op stop asking!

Would be a internet social experiment if bring a friend to work day isn’t a thing already

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"This reminds of something my boss told me decades ago at the Pru! If you can see life through John Smith’s eyes, you can sell John Smith what John Smith buys

But stepping out and realising that you've not experienced life through another eyes is far easier typed than done isn't it? Especially when people are upset and angry; I think emotions cloud our responses quite a lot.

We don't need to step in and walk miles in another shoes, maybe accepting that another has different experiences they're talking through, listening to them properly is enough.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes definitely.. For most of us we know 1% of what is happening in that persons life right now.

I look through the lens of people interacting with me too, to see if i need to adjust my behaviour

Judgemental people don't really feature in my life.. I especially dislike the mob/pack mentality where people bully /harass others just for being different (looks, thoughts, approaches, language, lifestyle etc)

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"Yes definitely.. For most of us we know 1% of what is happening in that persons life right now.

I look through the lens of people interacting with me too, to see if i need to adjust my behaviour

Have you always been that way? Or is it wisdom thatvhas evolved over time?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes definitely.. For most of us we know 1% of what is happening in that persons life right now.

I look through the lens of people interacting with me too, to see if i need to adjust my behaviour

Have you always been that way? Or is it wisdom thatvhas evolved over time? "

Definitely wisdom that has developed.... personal growth, exposure to other people, life experiences, training, work, travel, culture...

Being on the receiving end, helping friends and family through similar situations...

Having my eyes opened to mental health and the vast spectrum it covers, understanding loneliness, isolation, impact of events that trigger people, understanding root causes are far removed from behaviours exhibited ... And acceptance that alcoholism is a disease

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh sorry, there's alway more lol... I think also realising the sun doesn't revolve around you and learning not to be so selfish and self centred

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

Good Lord no! They might have highly contagious verrucas or something…

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

I can be a bit arrogant, I place myself in their shoes but often, I see myself dealing with their life's problems and issues so much better than they do; I think a lot of people do this.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My thoughts

It's a blessing and also a curse depending on how you use this skill.

I once got too close to an emotional vampire who craved attention but I lived to tell the tale

Be careful out there but helping others and having empathy is well worth the risks and will enrich your life. It's the human experience."

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ex HolesMan
over a year ago

Up North

Only if they’re high heels

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hilloutMan
over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

I think it's a useful ability to have especially in conflict resolution; to gain a wider ranging perspective seeing things through someone else's eyes.

Not everyone has this ability, requiring some empathy and higher levels of consciousness.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How far do I have to walk though?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not only do we walk in other people’s shoes, but also buy them.

Picked up many a designer pair,in pristine condition, in charity shops in swanky areas.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *atnip make me purrWoman
over a year ago

Reading

I think it's virtually impossible because so much is fairly subtle. Anyone newly disabled for instance I think would be surprised at the impact.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread