FabSwingers.com forum: If you had to

By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

If you had to defend yourself from an attacker in your house using only the object to your left what are you using?

Mine is a 10kg Himalayan salt lamp

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

A dog.

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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"A dog."

what breed

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

NORWAY Wherever I lay my hat

Some tinsel

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

A sky remote.. Or a lynx africa can

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A dog haha my Carpathian shepherd Jax. So I think I would be ok

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By *lderflower_AppleWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

A cushion.

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By *ldbutrandyMan
over a year ago

West Midlands

A cushion. And if he came armed with a cushion also , it could be a long battle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My guitar. Yeah fuck you trying to survive that whacked around you with my brute strength!

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"Some tinsel"

Terrifying. Imagine being throttled and looking jolly at the same time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hair straighteners

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By *ylonfan38Man
over a year ago

Cumbernauldish

Pillow

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hair straighteners "

Very home alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Christmas tree!!! Lol

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

The Alexa remote

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

On my left,a small black and white cat.To my right a compound crossbow.

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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago

NORWAY Wherever I lay my hat

"Some tinsel

Terrifying. Imagine being throttled and looking jolly at the same time."

I'll just sing Christmas tunes (using that term loosely) ... They will soon see the error of their ways and do one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A large mirror. Could do some damage

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some tinsel

Terrifying. Imagine being throttled and looking jolly at the same time.

I'll just sing Christmas tunes (using that term loosely) ... They will soon see the error of their ways and do one"

I'll do you one

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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago

Calderdale innit

A striped cat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some bin cleaner

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By *hatChattyGuyMan
over a year ago

folkestone

My sharp tongue and dark humour.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Cushion

I'm fucked (unless I manage to get the zip right across their eyeball)

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

20kg dumbbell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Cushion

I'm fucked (unless I manage to get the zip right across their eyeball) "

Nah you are fucked

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By *ackformore100Man
over a year ago

Tin town

"My guitar. Yeah fuck you trying to survive that whacked around you with my brute strength!"

Will he gently weep?

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By *ateshugsMan
over a year ago

Isle of Man, (Crosby ish)

Set of keys…

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By *phrodite_AdonisCouple
over a year ago

A snoring cat

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By *imply DeeWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

I’m with the cushion brigade.

There’s strength in numbers so I think I’ll be alright.

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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago

Up North

A toaster

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My guitar. Yeah fuck you trying to survive that whacked around you with my brute strength!

Will he gently weep? "

Probs not gently with a completely fucked nose

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

A hammer x

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

"I’m with the cushion brigade.

There’s strength in numbers so I think I’ll be alright."

This thread’s going to turn into a massive pillow fight, isn’t it?

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By *eliusMan
over a year ago

Henlow

My iPhone … and I’ve taught people how to

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By *imply DeeWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

"I’m with the cushion brigade.

There’s strength in numbers so I think I’ll be alright.

This thread’s going to turn into a massive pillow fight, isn’t it?"

Well, I hope so!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

He can carry on attacking, I'm not twatting anyone with Bernadette

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

I'm fucked

only got an envelope addressed to the council

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By *nselfishpleaserMan
over a year ago

kent

Gear lever for my car as sitting in carpark waiting for my kids to finish sports club

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/12/22 17:52:02]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My guitar. Yeah fuck you trying to survive that whacked around you with my brute strength!"

STOP!!What do you think you're doing? That's no way to treat an expensive musical instrument!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A fork.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My dog but he's 13 it would take him a while to get up off the sofa.

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By *uietlycheekyMan
over a year ago

aberdeen

Bathroom scales ….. won’t be a loss they just lie to me anyway

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By *urvyBi-84Man
over a year ago

Lancs

"If you had to defend yourself from an attacker in your house using only the object to your left what are you using?

Mine is a 10kg Himalayan salt lamp

A half built Lego Technic recovery truck or my PS5 controller. Not sure how well that’s going to work…

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By *it4uMan
over a year ago

Brighton / Eastbourne / SW France

A bar of chocolate, lol. It’s quite chunky

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By *orphia2003Woman
over a year ago

Tonypandy.

A very sassy 10 year old. She will talk you into submission. A large pair of scissors and a hatchet.

I'll be fine.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The TV remote

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm fucked

only got an envelope addressed to the council

You could just give them multiple tiny paper cuts

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire

rolling pin,,

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

an extension cord with a usb adapter..

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By *_monkeyMan
over a year ago

Houston

Sponge pudding with warm custard...

Unless they're diabetic, I don't think I'll be using it

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

"I'm fucked

only got an envelope addressed to the council

You could just give them multiple tiny paper cuts

I like your don't give up mentality

lol Paper does win over rock, let's hope intruder doesn't come in with scissors

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By *adyinred696969Couple
over a year ago

Brecon

A laptop....ooooo...and I've just spotted the Mrs large sewing scissors next to it, so, come at me bruh!

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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"A laptop....ooooo...and I've just spotted the Mrs large sewing scissors next to it, so, come at me bruh!

I'm not the intruder

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A laptop....ooooo...and I've just spotted the Mrs large sewing scissors next to it, so, come at me bruh!

I'm not the intruder

Oh god if you were you'd be pretty comatose by now

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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"A laptop....ooooo...and I've just spotted the Mrs large sewing scissors next to it, so, come at me bruh!

I'm not the intruder

Oh god if you were you'd be pretty comatose by now "

good job I'm not then mate

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman
over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Two large German shepherd based mutts that are too busy play fighting to acknowledge that I'm already in this space.

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

Fork

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

There’s nothing to my left. A small sleeping asian person

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By *ools and the brainCouple
over a year ago

couple, us we him her.

Toilet brush

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My hands

Weigh more than lump hammer

Usually a smack in face works wonders

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By *anAdeleCouple
over a year ago

northeast

Mine is an i9 gaming rig. Ouch!

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By *andyfloss2000Woman
over a year ago

ashford

A pheobe dog! Sat next to me on sofa she's a lab x

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

Almost a pint of skimmed milk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Fork "

Hope you haven't got an accent, he might take you up on offer

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle

I’ll be throwing my 17stone, 6ft2 son their way and see how it works out for them

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By *enji280590Man
over a year ago

Cambridge

Tv remote

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The door, in his face

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/12/22 18:59:20]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Our mastiff would make short work of any intruders

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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago

East London

My handbag. May I use what's in the bag?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does object on left hip count ?

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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"My handbag. May I use what's in the bag?"

yes

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire

my sausage dog would destroy them..

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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"Does object on left hip count ?

im guessing from your location it maybe useful in this event

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dead body

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By *handlerMonicaCouple
over a year ago

Leicester

A very sharp tablet stylus, so could be worse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

6kg dumbbell.....fuck yeah!!

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By *arkandlovelyWoman
over a year ago

South Derbyshire

A sleeping toddler.

She'd be lethal if she was awake.

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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"A sleeping toddler.

She'd be lethal if she was awake."

like a tasmanian devil

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By *issMBWoman
over a year ago

North

Right now, a goose.

I'm totally safe.

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By *ose-tinted GlassesMan
over a year ago

Glasgow / London

*HONK*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right now, a goose.

I'm totally safe."

Do you have a house goose?!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A tin of biscuits and some baby oil

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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"Right now, a goose.

I'm totally safe."

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By *he_Secret_GardenWoman
over a year ago

Naughty Lane

"A snoring cat

that's a good one.lol

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By *imi_RougeWoman
over a year ago

Portsmouth

A 6kg cat

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By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

A 9mm…

Camera lens

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Four stone amethyst cave

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An Elf on a shelf

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My German Shepherd

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My German Shepherd

x "

You have a German Shepherd too?!

Is it too soon to ask to move in?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My husband

I wouldn't want to be the person on the receiving end. My husband is a very strong get.

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By *ickshawedCouple
over a year ago

Wolverhampton

A glass of water. Maybe I should get it blessed and hope the home intruders are vampires

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By *issMBWoman
over a year ago

North

"Right now, a goose.

I'm totally safe.

Do you have a house goose?!"

Well, he was standing at the back door glaring at me while I mustered up the motivation to shoo him back to his barn, while my useless "farm" (read: lazy) dog laid in his basket and watched.

My life is a circus and I'm in control of none of it.

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By *issMBWoman
over a year ago

North

"Right now, a goose.

I'm totally safe.

I feel exactly the same.

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

An empty orange squash bottle

I'd shove it in there mouth that stoppem .

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By *rtyIan OP Man
over a year ago

Gateway to the Beacons

"Right now, a goose.

I'm totally safe.

I feel exactly the same.

you win the thread with a goose

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sky remote ffs

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By *iscean_dreamMan
over a year ago

Llanelli

A glass biscuit jar, it's empty otherwise I'd crush biscuits up and blow the dust in their eyes

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By *amantha_JadeWoman
over a year ago

Newcastle

My little dog who is currently asleep beside me

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

To my right are my dogs and my 80 year old mum. I think we would be fine

To be fair I chased down a thief today in my work uniform and a Santa hat so even being little it won’t be a problem

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By *oo..Woman
over a year ago

Boo's World

A 20kg Bulldog with a nasty temper if moved,woken up or told what to do....

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By *wingfellowMan
over a year ago

my own little sanctuary

A tube of bbq Pringles but they’d be brown bread before they even got near them. I’d throw hands to protect them

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By *ose and her beastCouple
over a year ago

Watford

Kitchen knife I got this

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By *asterR and slut mayaMan
over a year ago

Bradford

"To my right are my dogs and my 80 year old mum. I think we would be fine

To be fair I chased down a thief today in my work uniform and a Santa hat so even being little it won’t be a problem

That reminds me was at the hospital with Maya the other day she was in Costa getting a coffee to take out .this guy came in stole a sandwich and the woman behind the till chase after him shouting stop him .

She got the Sandwich back .he said sorry. She said your not sorry

its 4 time this week .

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By *olden PoleMan
over a year ago

Kent

Phase plasma rifle in a 40 watt range.

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

"Fork

Hope you haven't got an accent, he might take you up on offer

lol

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By *ixiePoisonWoman
over a year ago

Darlington

A glass coaster...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

World Cup Wallchart

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Full sized barbell

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

Pillow. Hopefully the intruder is another woman in Pyjamas and we could just have a nice slo mo pillow fight

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By *ittlebirdWoman
over a year ago

The Big Smoke

"To my right are my dogs and my 80 year old mum. I think we would be fine

To be fair I chased down a thief today in my work uniform and a Santa hat so even being little it won’t be a problem

She got the Sandwich back .he said sorry. She said your not sorry

its 4 time this week .

It’s just stupid. He was on candid camera and we all know who he is. He’s spending the night in a cell

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Alexa

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A teaspoon. Would need to go for the eyeballs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A teaspoon. Would need to go for the eyeballs. "

“Why a spoon cousin? Why not an axe?”

- because it’s dull you twit! It’ll hurt more!!

* one for the film nerds.

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By *orbidden eastMan
over a year ago

london dodging electric scooters

Hot water bottle

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By *DFL6828Man
over a year ago

Leicester

My work bag....

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

47kg of German Shepard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A teaspoon. Would need to go for the eyeballs.

“Why a spoon cousin? Why not an axe?”

- because it’s dull you twit! It’ll hurt more!!

* one for the film nerds.

I could hear the growl in his voice as I read that

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

"A teaspoon. Would need to go for the eyeballs.

“Why a spoon cousin? Why not an axe?”

- because it’s dull you twit! It’ll hurt more!!

* one for the film nerds.

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By *wingfellowMan
over a year ago

my own little sanctuary

"47kg of German Shepard "

That’ll pucker up the ol’ starfish

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Laundry basket. And it's got clean laundry in it...can't even throw snelly socks at them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A teaspoon. Would need to go for the eyeballs.

“Why a spoon cousin? Why not an axe?”

- because it’s dull you twit! It’ll hurt more!!

* one for the film nerds.

I’ve met him. True story.

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

A cup of coffee, a hair dryer and a pair of crutches

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My husband

I wouldn't want to be the person on the receiving end. My husband is a very strong get."

*Gent. FFS, typos!!

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"A teaspoon. Would need to go for the eyeballs.

“Why a spoon cousin? Why not an axe?”

- because it’s dull you twit! It’ll hurt more!!

* one for the film nerds.

Please don't cut my heart out with a spoon

Best. Film. Ever!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A teaspoon. Would need to go for the eyeballs.

“Why a spoon cousin? Why not an axe?”

- because it’s dull you twit! It’ll hurt more!!

* one for the film nerds.

I could hear the growl in his voice as I read that

I typed it that way too.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

"47kg of German Shepard

That’ll pucker up the ol’ starfish "

He'd bark lots but that's about all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ipad

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My bra!

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By *pYaMan
over a year ago

Ready…

Cake

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 05/12/22 22:44:09]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My Beagle. Mind you she might be effective, she has just farted and made my eyes water

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By *aptain Caveman41Man
over a year ago

Home

A hurley

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A torch, I will dazzle them into submission!

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By *aptain OrgMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

A coaster. Deadly in the wrong hands.

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By *urbo TedMan
over a year ago

Stansted

A pillow

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