FabSwingers.com forum: Dealing with...

By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

disappointment. How do you cope with it? I'm not talking about the disappointment because the hot person you fancied read and deleted your message - it's not that kind of thread (sorry). But day to day things that are disappointing. Or bigger. What do you do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I try not to care enough to get disapointed anymore

I used to need to vent it somehow in say a tackle or type it out get it out kind of thing

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Step one don't set yourself up to fail. Don't get over excited about something that has the chance to not happen.

Step two try to frame your mindset on it being a win when things go right, not a loss when then don't. Glass half full behaviour. If you are down when you suffer disappointment, you may find yourself fearing that disappoinment and then merely being relieved when things go well, rather than pleased, and that's something to avoid, in my experience.

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By *istyPeaksCouple
over a year ago

braintree

Try again usually.

Which when it comes to my food choices means I eat too much.

But yeah usually if one things disappointing I’ll do/eat/watch whatever something that I know will hit the spot & try & forget the disappointment.

Mister gets annoyed with me sometimes because I can be quite child like with my positivity. It can come across as naive, but if I don’t force on the smile & find a silver lining I know that I could easily slip the other direction. I’m a very black & white person.

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By *otMe66Man
over a year ago

Terra Firma

I set my expectations very low on pretty much everything. If things workout, result, if they don't I can pat myself on the back for expecting it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"disappointment. How do you cope with it? I'm not talking about the disappointment because the hot person you fancied read and deleted your message - it's not that kind of thread (sorry). But day to day things that are disappointing. Or bigger. What do you do?

Are you ok?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I just apologise, it's inevitable with me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !

https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg

This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?!

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"I try not to care enough to get disapointed anymore

I used to need to vent it somehow in say a tackle or type it out get it out kind of thing "

Venting can be good. Constructive sometimes. But also it can be negative if it becomes a misdirected anger/hurt sort of thing. I'm definitely a big fan of tackling things head on though.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Difficult to say without specifics but in general Meli ...... I'd say this.

I'm glad you are disappointed as it means that something you wanted or expected meant something to you ...... So ....... bear in mind I don't know what it is....

Grab a coffee or walk or sit down. Ask yourself what it is inside you that led to disappointment. Did you take it for granted it would happen ? What steps had you taken prior to the expectation e.g. how many ways had you considered the possibility of it not happening ?

Generally disappointment is the gap between expectation and reality.

Once i've dealt with me, i'll deal with a.n. other ( if there is one ) by thinking about why they did what they did or what was their intent.

I'd also think about how relevant this 'thing' really is in the whole scheme of the wholly widey worldy and not let it affect the rest of my day or the future and i'd have probably decided by then whether it's worth pursuing again or putting to bed.

Over thinking an event leads to low mood.

Over thinking tomorrow denies you today.

Live today dearie xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !

https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg

This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! "
i like orangina

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

I don't. I tend to blame myself for having hope in the first place and not seeing the disappointment coming. Even if that hope or expectation is something as small as others saying please or thank you, or treating you as a human.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !

https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg

This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! i like orangina

I do remember the link you sent me

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By *inger_SnapWoman
over a year ago

Hampshire/Dorset

Have a sulk, try and find the humour in it, then get over it.

Not to say that I won't revisit that disappointment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !

https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg

This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! i like orangina

I do remember the link you sent me

"
i dont like it as much as this guy tho the eyebrows say it all i never got orgasmic from it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !

https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg

This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! i like orangina

I do remember the link you sent me

i dont like it as much as this guy tho the eyebrows say it all i never got orgasmic from it

"
and now im sat at work singing it again now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !

https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg

This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! i like orangina

I do remember the link you sent me

i dont like it as much as this guy tho the eyebrows say it all i never got orgasmic from it

You mean the guy drinking the orange juice ?

Isn’t he just fab ?

I mean honestly when I feel down, I just look at him and think, well if a guy in the middle of the pacific (Martinique island) drinks his juice like that, I don’t have the right to feel down with my life

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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

I am used to disappointment, having had to rebuild my life after the events of lockdown.

You just have to dust yourself off and start all over again

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By *uiet_69Man
over a year ago

Near

It’s not you it’s me

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Try to think of something else..get involved in a project...every day is an opportunity to learn something different

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !

https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg

This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! i like orangina

I do remember the link you sent me

i dont like it as much as this guy tho the eyebrows say it all i never got orgasmic from it

You mean the guy drinking the orange juice ?

Isn’t he just fab ?

https://youtu.be/Kg5cdZ-Fnpc

Its funny as

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By *TG3Man
over a year ago

Dorchester

"
its a difficult one really I kind of feel disappointed with my life so far but I maintain a happy outlook, that old addage you get one life so make the best of it is so true, my mother has outlived my father who'd have believed it, suppose you've just got to surround yourself with people who appreciate you and make you feel good about yourself, I think my mind just separates the bad from the good that's how I cope, anyways good luck with whatever your disappointment may be, in time it may get better.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I withdraw into a black hole of angsty despair until something (or someone) pulls me back out.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

It's when you constantly ask for help and don't get given it.

Try thinking like a Buddhist, when you've been on hold for 30 minutes, trying to get a GPS appointment. It doesn't work. Neither to having to pull their collective teeth out trying to get them to tell you how long waiting lists are at the hospital.

Even when the hospitals do write, they still won't include the timescales.

Ho-hum c'estt la vie, does not cut it here.

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

"I withdraw into a black hole of angsty despair until something (or someone) pulls me back out. "

How long is it before you are ejected from it, for me, it's 72 hours.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !

https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg

This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! i like orangina

I do remember the link you sent me

i dont like it as much as this guy tho the eyebrows say it all i never got orgasmic from it

You mean the guy drinking the orange juice ?

Isn’t he just fab ?

https://youtu.be/Kg5cdZ-Fnpc

Its funny as"

imagine that happening to you at work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I go on YouTube and watch pacific sound 3003 !

https://youtu.be/zHHcnjEJYQg

This guy cheers me up every time I feel down ! I mean come on who enjoys their orange juice the way he does ?! i like orangina

I do remember the link you sent me

i dont like it as much as this guy tho the eyebrows say it all i never got orgasmic from it

You mean the guy drinking the orange juice ?

Isn’t he just fab ?

https://youtu.be/Kg5cdZ-Fnpc

Its funny as

imagine that happening to you at work "
i want his job hahaha

Hey janice

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

I sit with it. Have a mump. Eat some chocolate. Then I throw myself into something else. Hope you're OK, OP x

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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Hi, I'm Tina Titz and if you want to know how people deal with disappointment, read my verifications

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it's within my control, make the required changes. If it isn't, suck it up and move on.

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By *rispyDuckMan
over a year ago

Chinese Takeaway near you

My dad taught me: “No point crying over spilt milk” and if it won’t matter in 5 yrs don’t spend more than 5mins worrying about it

just move on

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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago

Peterborough

My dad taught me: “No point crying over spilt milk” and if it won’t matter in 5 yrs don’t spend more than 5mins worrying about it

just move on "

Does that apply to job losses and bereavement?

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By *wist my nipplesCouple
over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

My dad taught me: “No point crying over spilt milk” and if it won’t matter in 5 yrs don’t spend more than 5mins worrying about it

just move on

Does that apply to job losses and bereavement?"

Not sure I'd describe either of them as a "disappointment".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to dwell on things, OP.

Now my defence mechanism is to let things wash over me more, some things you can’t influence (the economy, the price of cheese etc) so I’ve learnt to not things stress me and what will be, will be.

Where I can influence things I’ll try, and if disappointment results then it’ll grate for a while and then I’ll move on. I think as I’ve got older I’ve learnt to accept that shit happens and once it’s done it’s done, you can’t rewrite history.

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By *inkForLifeCouple
over a year ago

North Shields

I think there's varying levels.

1. Were you unreasonably optimistic in the first place?

2. Did something completely unexpected and impossible to anticipate cause the disappointment?

3. Did someone else make you feel disappointed?

For 1. That's a life lesson and can be hard to manage but life isn't perfect and realising that is a huge step. It's something I see younger people unable to grasp. Eg, if something bad happens it's unfair rather than just life.

2. Similarly to 1, but accept that if you never committed to anything incase of some sort of failure, you'd never succeed at anything.

3. This is more difficult because it depends on you trusting someone else, but flip it around. If you're disappointed because they cancelled a nice day out, consider how you'd feel if you had to cancel it. They probably feel terrible.

Ultimately I feel its down to setting realistic expectations of life and accepting that failure thus disappointment is the only way to achieve success.

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By *rolicUsCouple
over a year ago

Alluringly mysterious

Increasingly I let myself feel the feels for a while. And then try to work out what’s going on for me about it.

Quite often it’s related to my ego or a child-like need to impress/ be perfect/ liked/ admired. Talking to friends helps me be more objective. And then be self-compassionate.

It’s okay if you feel shit. It might well be shit. And often I understand a situation or myself better as a result.

Big love

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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

I tend to take emotions out of it, they are nearly always exaggerated / inaccurate and then deal with it objectively, quickly and directly before it takes hold.

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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

It depends on what it is but if it’s a big disappointment then I tend to let myself feel it, move through it and then pull myself back. It’s usually a few hours or a day for the process to last.

I think it’s important to allow the emotion to sit and process, understand why and then move past

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

It would depend on what it was really but I tend to overthink it to within an inch of, throwing in a few ‘what ifs’ and ‘I should have’. They I try to move on from it.

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

Process it, reflect on it, dust myself off and keep moving forward

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

Difficult to say without specifics but in general Meli ...... I'd say this.

I'm glad you are disappointed as it means that something you wanted or expected meant something to you ...... So ....... bear in mind I don't know what it is....

Generally disappointment is the gap between expectation and reality.

Once i've dealt with me, i'll deal with a.n. other ( if there is one ) by thinking about why they did what they did or what was their intent.

Over thinking an event leads to low mood.

Over thinking tomorrow denies you today.

Live today dearie xx "

Thanks GC.

And a general thank you to everyone who contributed, I liked the glass half full mentality, the reframing ideas floating around. And just sitting with it. But not for too long because then it becomes a Thing. I'm generally good at dealing with things but I'm human. Bit flawed and daft. Anyway, thanks again random sexsiters.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just never expect things and you'll never be disappointed. Take each minute as they come. If someone says they'll do something for you or something was supposed to happen just don't expect it too.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Just never expect things and you'll never be disappointed. Take each minute as they come. If someone says they'll do something for you or something was supposed to happen just don't expect it too. "

Oh I don't know. Life is too short and if you do the latter (not expecting things to happen), don't you end up a bit jaded and cynical? I think I'd rather stay a tad naive, optimistic and once in a blue moon experience disappointment. The highs are worth the lows I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just never expect things and you'll never be disappointed. Take each minute as they come. If someone says they'll do something for you or something was supposed to happen just don't expect it too.

I love not knowing what's going to happen. It shouldn't affect your mood or anything. It should improve it if anything. Just dont make too many plans in life as you're bound to get disappointed.

Learning to forget quick is also another good coping technique. If something bad happens just try and forget about it. The only that matters really is the present, the past is the past can't change that and the future hasn't happened yet. So why worry about it. Live in the moment and don't worry about anything. Like you said life is to short.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

Depends what it's about if it's something trivial I'll pout and flounce. Then I'll calm down and sort whatever needs doing or distract myself with something fun.

If it's something better I do the above initially. Then I'll try and figure out why things didn't work out as planned. And if it's something I need to work on or work on letting go.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Increase the stakes ! Start thinking about or planning something new to look forward to. It will help forget the disappointment and if it works out you've gained a positive from a negative.

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By *eli OP Woman
over a year ago

"Depends what it's about if it's something trivial I'll pout and flounce. Then I'll calm down and sort whatever needs doing or distract myself with something fun.

If it's something better I do the above initially. Then I'll try and figure out why things didn't work out as planned. And if it's something I need to work on or work on letting go. "

Pout and flounce.

I don't really feel disappointed oft. It's one of those emotions I rarely experience. Maybe a handful of times in the past decade. Think that's why I'm a bit of a numpty.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

On Holibobs

I work through why my expectations were so high in the event/person and then evaluate on whether I am placing unrealistic expectations, because of my mindset or that the event/person was never going to deliver I just misunderstood the situation. Either way I embrace it as I can only grow

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

I used to get disappointed when people said they’d leave regular voice notes but now I just shrug it off - their loss that they don’t get to hear my wonderful tones - so what they have a sultry voice - so bloody what!

I’m fine! Honestly I’m fine!

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

Have a Guinness and a good chunk of mature cheddar, reflect for a moment and then realise that tomorrow is another day and the world ain’t stopping anytime soon, so best get off me arse and crack on

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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago

Durham

Ahhhhh disappoinment can be awful. I'm feeling disappointed with a few things at the moment. I try to just think that everything in life happens for a reason, look for a positive and move on. Sometimes though I also need to allow myself to feel disappointed for a while, eat some chocolate and have lots of hugs from my husband until the feeling passes. Thankfully the feeling of disappointment doesn't last long for me. Hope you're ok Meli.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Depends what it is?

Not winning the lottery again? Disappointing yes, but unsurprising.

Not getting a new job after what you thought was a great interview? If you know you've tried your best then it just wasn't meant to be. There'll be another opportunity at some point in the future.

Someone letting you down? That's not on you, you couldn't have predicted it and it's beyond your control so not worth beating yourself up about or overthinking things.

You upsetting or letting someone else down? That's the tricky one. When you've disappointed someone else then that's on you. It's nobody else's fault

So it's up to you to recognise your behaviour/actions, re tify if possible and learn from the impact it had and move on hoping to not repeat it.

Disappointment is part of life.

But dwelling and moping and letting it shape your mood and behaviour for any longer than absolutely necessary is unhealthy.

When it happens recognise it and deal with it as quickly as you can and move on. Find something else to occupy your mind, focus your attention on and new targets/goals to aim for. The more you focus on something else the sooner the disappointment fades and you can move on.

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By *emorefridaCouple
over a year ago

La la land

"Depends what it's about if it's something trivial I'll pout and flounce. Then I'll calm down and sort whatever needs doing or distract myself with something fun.

If it's something better I do the above initially. Then I'll try and figure out why things didn't work out as planned. And if it's something I need to work on or work on letting go.

Pout and flounce.

I don't really feel disappointed oft. It's one of those emotions I rarely experience. Maybe a handful of times in the past decade. Think that's why I'm a bit of a numpty.

It's one I feel quite often, but more often than not in myself. But that's often because I set myself unrealistic expectations on myself. Something I'm working on though. Until that time I'll continue with my pouting and flouncing techniques

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Try to stay out of my head and just focus on something else.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on what it is. My family disappoint me and that does get to me which then affects my mental health. If anything else disappoints me I don't really bother or care about it x

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