FabSwingers.com forum: Social skills

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

What do you all think

I have noticed over the years more people becoming more reserved in themselves, finding it difficult to approach people incase they are judged etc.

People don't seem to be as supportive as they used to be, chatty etc.

Do you think it's due to how as a country we feel defeated with all that has and is going on?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s a mixture of a few reasons. I don’t think the lockdowns helped people in that sense. A lot of people hadn’t interacted with anyone face to face, only messaging online for months.

I think over the last ten years with social medias they’ve not helped a lot of peoples confidence, with so many sharing their best life.

I think it’s being a decline of people actually going out and instead just chatting through messages more. You even hear quite a lot people saying they have a phobia of picking up the phone and speaking over that, which wouldn’t have been really heard of 20 years ago. The art of conversation is slowly being lost…

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It’s a mixture of a few reasons. I don’t think the lockdowns helped people in that sense. A lot of people hadn’t interacted with anyone face to face, only messaging online for months.

I think over the last ten years with social medias they’ve not helped a lot of peoples confidence, with so many sharing their best life.

and the 2 years we were cut off from people isolated makes it hard to re connect not just adults but young folks the amount of young people i see around now who sound like minions is making the world strange people many people no longer feel connected to the world

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can only speak from my own experiences.

I’m far less social than I used to be. Why? Many many reasons that have contributed over 20 years or so.

Needing to work more prevented social opportunities.

People transitioning to ‘social’ media to live their lives isolated me because I refused to get involved.

Deteriorating behaviour of others when out and about. It was almost impossible to avoid aggro during a night out.

Apprehension of being in public spaces now, it’s hard not to feel paranoid when passing groups of youths.

My own insecurities and anxieties rising from old and traumatic experiences.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

Everyone has their own definition and range of social skills.

I say hello to everyone I meet out walking but don't stop and have a conversation.

In a room full of people I can hold a conversation with most but rarely if ever engage first.

I can stand and speak in front of large groups when required in relation to work or voluntary activities but wouldn't generally approach a table of strangers at a social event.

One of my kids is on the lower end of the autistic spectrum and struggles with social filters.

She deals with that by always being the loudest person in the room and talks so fast that others aren't able to engage properly with her.

I've known people over the years who are very outgoing and confident in large social settings but struggle to put words together in one to one conversations.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 08/09/22 08:53:50]

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

As I've got older, I have the gone the total opposite. In fact, I've changed as a person totally from about 20 years ago. I am much more confident in myself and how I interact with others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t talk to people because I have anxiety. But I always want to talk to people because of my anxiety.

It’s weird. I’m scared to talk to people but only because it’s exhausting making sure I don’t make a twat of myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As I've got older, I have the gone the total opposite. In fact, I've changed as a person totally from about 20 years ago. I am much more confident in myself and how I interact with others."

This is us too. We think as you grow older you become more confident in who you are.

No criticism of younger people but many try to 'conform' and be a certain way to try and fit in, as you get older you realise thats not being yourself.

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By *9alMan
over a year ago

Bridgend

I am quite a shy person with poor social skills

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't think it's a new thing but I do think a lot of people feel they will be judged or worry about what others will think of them. I also think that in any group setting people stick in their pairs or groups and make it impossible for anyone person to break in. Unless there's one or two people prepared to approach and draw others into their circle it's almost impossible.

I will approach people in some circumstances but not others.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Nah I don't do being social

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t talk to people because I have anxiety. But I always want to talk to people because of my anxiety.

It’s weird. I’m scared to talk to people but only because it’s exhausting making sure I don’t make a twat of myself. "

The reality is you won't be making a twat of yourself, especially if you're polite and respectful to who your talking to.

For us if people are respectful and polite, that is always going to be a winner. If people are rude / disrespectful we will think they are twats.

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

"I don’t talk to people because I have anxiety. But I always want to talk to people because of my anxiety.

It’s weird. I’m scared to talk to people but only because it’s exhausting making sure I don’t make a twat of myself. "

This, totally this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/09/22 09:07:00]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The problem I see is listening to everyone opinions online. And some of them really stink and is counter productive to making me want to speak to new people sometimes.

There’s less of the left wing ‘let everyone do whatever makes them happy’ and more ‘you can’t say that!!! It’s offending that person who wants to be happy!!!’ It’s like I rightwing lefty movement online.

But if you sit in the pub, there’s none of that, we are laughing at the online stuff. It’s given us much material to last many a night out. … it’s a shame I don’t get an invite.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Judgement and aggression make me wary.

I am happy in myself but hate forced social situations.

I know in life there are those better skilled or worse than I am in lots of different ways and I am happy with where I slot in with the masses but there are those who seek to feel better by making others feel worse, and those who think since they are feeling a certain way how dare anyone else not be in it with them.... They would flip an interaction around on you so fast your head would spin.

For lots of reasons, it's a minefield opening up a conversation these days with anyone you aren’t familiar with.

And for safety, in so far as a nice "hi, How's your day?" turning in to some kind of unprovoked attack. It's in the news every other day how people get set upon for no reason.

As for the phone, I've always hated it. Natural pauses become awkward silences. And you can't read body language etc. No thanks

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

I started drinking at 15 to mask a complete lack of social skills. I was the life and soul of the party (in my mind) and if I fucked up, or people thought I was weird the drink was a handy excuse. Stopped drinking at 43 and have spent 7 years learning to socialise having never done it sober. So that's been fun

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By *heGigglersCouple
over a year ago

Stourbridge

"It’s a mixture of a few reasons. I don’t think the lockdowns helped people in that sense. A lot of people hadn’t interacted with anyone face to face, only messaging online for months.

I think over the last ten years with social medias they’ve not helped a lot of peoples confidence, with so many sharing their best life.

well said!

Lockdown put on hold so many of the ways we interact in person, even after restrictions lifted somewhat we still had to distance ourselves. No mingling at the bar or even the school playground, people struggling financially having to cut back on nights out, loosing touch with people you used to work with ect.

Social media definitely doesn't help, so many people displaying filtered, unrealistic representations of what their life is like will usually make people feel inadequate, or the need to "compete". Neither option is healthy.

Plus it is so difficult to make new friends as an adult! If we didn't have our swinging friends, our current social life would be a very sad affair

K x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don’t talk to people because I have anxiety. But I always want to talk to people because of my anxiety.

It’s weird. I’m scared to talk to people but only because it’s exhausting making sure I don’t make a twat of myself.

The reality is you won't be making a twat of yourself, especially if you're polite and respectful to who your talking to.

For us if people are respectful and polite, that is always going to be a winner. If people are rude / disrespectful we will think they are twats."

This is a rational thought process which my brain doesn’t do sadly

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very interesting thread, OP. I'm pretty shocked at the aggression others are encountering - what kind of situations are these?

My take is that I see people less now and it's taking a while to get back to my previous level of sociability. But I haven't seen any overall change in mine or other peoples' social skills. I'm not very confident but I put on a good face as I'm an extrovert and love the company of others.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Very interesting thread, OP. I'm pretty shocked at the aggression others are encountering - what kind of situations are these?

I spent 25+ years working with the public in my last jobs. It was a lottery what I would encounter any given day.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Very interesting thread, OP. I'm pretty shocked at the aggression others are encountering - what kind of situations are these?

I spent 25+ years working with the public in my last jobs. It was a lottery what I would encounter any given day."

Ah, aggression at work.

And that's got worse in the last couple of years for you?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I find that most people are happy to be approached. There are exceptions such as our new neighbours who looked at me as if I had two heads when I walked across and chatted to them in their front garden. They've studiously avoided me ever since

. Obviously I avoid chatting to axe wielding maniacs but most people respond positively to a smile and a friendly word

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By *inky_couple2020Couple
over a year ago

North West

"I find that most people are happy to be approached. There are exceptions such as our new neighbours who looked at me as if I had two heads when I walked across and chatted to them in their front garden. They've studiously avoided me ever since

. Obviously I avoid chatting to axe wielding maniacs but most people respond positively to a smile and a friendly word "

How many axe wielding maniacs have you met?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Very interesting thread, OP. I'm pretty shocked at the aggression others are encountering - what kind of situations are these?

I spent 25+ years working with the public in my last jobs. It was a lottery what I would encounter any given day.

Ah, aggression at work.

And that's got worse in the last couple of years for you? "

When life's stresses go up people's tolerance and filters go down. And we've had a shed load over recent years.

I definitely found customers just wanting to rant or blame or demand, even if their issue wasn't from our business or staff. Just looking to vent. No manners or listening to an explanation, even if you were both going in the same direction etc.

The odd time they would return to apologise and say they'd been having a bad day but really just seems like there's less self-control and self-awareness too.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

. Obviously I avoid chatting to axe wielding maniacs but most people respond positively to a smile and a friendly word

How many axe wielding maniacs have you met? "

Well I couldn't actually see any axes and they don't usually carry their maniac certification with them but when you know you know...

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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago

Not all that North of North London

"Very interesting thread, OP. I'm pretty shocked at the aggression others are encountering - what kind of situations are these?

I spent 25+ years working with the public in my last jobs. It was a lottery what I would encounter any given day.

Ah, aggression at work.

And that's got worse in the last couple of years for you? "

For me, I used to work with the deceased and bereaved, and during the first lockdown people were amazing.

But since then, it just got worse. The sickness rates and level of resignations leading to shortages in almost all areas that fell in to the broad key workers dealing with death is a huge problem now. And it wasn't covid that was the problem, it was the public who often had no compassion and behaved unacceptably.

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

. Obviously I avoid chatting to axe wielding maniacs but most people respond positively to a smile and a friendly word "

There are cultural differences though. The Irish are renowned for being a friendly and welcoming nation but if I'm out walking in the hills it's very striking how many people look at me strangely if I dare to say hello when passing.

Many people I know who live in big cities find it extremely unusual and disconcerting when someone says hello and have no idea how to respond.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Very interesting thread, OP. I'm pretty shocked at the aggression others are encountering - what kind of situations are these?

I spent 25+ years working with the public in my last jobs. It was a lottery what I would encounter any given day.

Ah, aggression at work.

And that's got worse in the last couple of years for you?

When life's stresses go up people's tolerance and filters go down. And we've had a shed load over recent years.

The odd time they would return to apologise and say they'd been having a bad day but really just seems like there's less self-control and self-awareness too. "

That makes a great deal of sense. I've never worked in a a customer service role. All of the "we're in it together" spirit has faded I guess.

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By *riar BelisseWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

I think stress and worry levels in the population are at a massive high and that alternates peoples behaviour, keep that going for a year and that negative behaviour is a common companion and a hard habit to break

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

. Obviously I avoid chatting to axe wielding maniacs but most people respond positively to a smile and a friendly word

Many people I know who live in big cities find it extremely unusual and disconcerting when someone says hello and have no idea how to respond. "

I was born in southern England and I say hello to people when I'm out walking in the countryside. Some look at me oddly most say hello back occasionally with a look of surprise but the majority understand that if you're the only people in a landscape it's wierder to pretend the other one isn't there.

Saying hello to everyone in eg the carriage of a packed tube train isn't possible and sometimes it's better not to, you can't get away from them and you might not want to exchange more than a casual greeting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

. Obviously I avoid chatting to axe wielding maniacs but most people respond positively to a smile and a friendly word

Many people I know who live in big cities find it extremely unusual and disconcerting when someone says hello and have no idea how to respond. "

I'd agree when it comes to bigger cities. I noticed it when I lived in Leeds for a while. But I have noticed that Scotland, Ireland, NI and presumably Wales are very friendly places anyway. I haven't visited Wales yet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have lots of places I want to explore. Wales is a beautiful looking place

Recommended UK destinations welcome

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