FabSwingers.com forum: How do you guys feel when.....

By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

And you private message a lovely lady who ticks all the boxes... asks for a face picture ti be included with your first message (which you do, obligingly).. and conduct your first opening message with decorum, pizzazz, a little bit of cheek but 100% genuity....

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

For me, I understand that it's free choice and you just take it on the chin... but the question is, do any of you guys take it to heart? Have any of you felt like you've 'over messaged' that person subsequently?

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

Again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally don't take offence as women get lots of messages and just don't have time to reply to all of them, plus you can't be everyones cup of tea

Miss S x

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"Again

I apologise bud if this is a repeat of an ongoing subject, the forum is a large place

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By *esi_in_brusselsMan
over a year ago

Brussels, Belgium

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x"

Given for each lady/cpl there are 100 single men, I understand they might get bombarded with mesgs to reply to each one. The thing which frustrate me most is that when we both wink at each other and still the mesgs gets ignored.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find myself being something of an expert in this field

I suppose its the curse/beauty of being online. Theres no need for some to reply as theres not the pressure of being face to face. I imagine if you are a single female being totally bombarded with messages its near impossible to reply to everyone or maybe just feel too overwhelmed to be polite anymore. My regular fwb here has over 450 messages unread and after talking about it with her i no longer take it personally if i dont get a reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Again

Did you expect anything different with the amount of single men on here

Miss S x

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

?? This

These are the types of things I'm referring to... that little bit of 'grey' area in-between the rules and the socially unacceptable

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Being aesthetically challenged I just chalk it up to experience.

Everyone can't like everyone.

It's disappointing when you fancy someone but they don't. Nothing you can do, just keep fighting the good fight.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I find myself being something of an expert in this field

I love how guys think every woman on here is bombarded with messages.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont send a face pic to just anyone and still plenty reply if i say hi i think people put far too much weight into the what to says and what to dos i think its much simpler to just do it your own way rather that tick peoples boxes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Being aesthetically challenged I just chalk it up to experience.

Everyone can't like everyone.

It's disappointing when you fancy someone but they don't. Nothing you can do, just keep fighting the good fight. "

Amen to that!! It helps having a thick skin and the ability to laugh at yourself

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x"

No reply 'is' a reply.

OP - businesses spend vast amounts of money on postal, email, online and TV adverts that you receive whether you want them or not on a daily basis on your social media feed, TV, radio and through your letterbox.

Do you reply to all of the ones you're not interested in or just delete/bin/ignore what you see on the screen?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I imagine many will take it to heart, the ego is sensitive.

All I can suggest is to put yourself forward the best way you can and to accept that not all the fishies will bite.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

Again, to reiterate... I get it. Someone I met up with had over 1000 unread messages, and her profile didn't even have any profile pictures... so we chatted and likewise, I don't take it personally... I know I'm a great guy and I'm happy with that.

It's just frustrating I guess that I understand the feeling of being dismissed when not even given the chance to prove yourself. Sometimes you end up searching for a diamond and all you end up with is a bunch of rocks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just from a woman's perspective, on my side it's nothing personal. It could be we aren't a match, I haven't read the message, the tone sounds like its a copy and paste job or the message indicates my profile hasn't been read. I think guys automatically assume it's because of the face picture which isn't the case. I've actually believe it or not, not responded to people's message because I think they are too good looking.

Whatever the reason women don't reply, no one should take it to heart. Know you're worth guys and just move on, the next person you message might just be your person too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry to break it to you but that’s the reality of sending messages to women on this website.

Out of 500 messages sent, less than 1% of them will be read.

It might be a numbers game but it’s also totally bullshit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry to break it to you but that’s the reality of sending messages to women on this website.

Out of 500 messages sent, less than 1% of them will be read.

It might be a numbers game but it’s also totally bullshit."

Ok, first off, 500? Is there really 500 on here that are your 'type'?? That could be where you're going wrong??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Again, to reiterate... I get it. Someone I met up with had over 1000 unread messages, and her profile didn't even have any profile pictures... so we chatted and likewise, I don't take it personally... I know I'm a great guy and I'm happy with that.

Id have a 1000 if I left it long enough.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

I'm doing just fine on here

but I'm aware of the pitfalls

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm thinking some are seeing this as the usual rant thread, rather than seeing it for what it is, a discussion on how people may feel.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The biggest issue is many people simply dont take no for an answer they think its like bartering for a used carpet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Just from a woman's perspective, on my side it's nothing personal. It could be we aren't a match, I haven't read the message, the tone sounds like its a copy and paste job or the message indicates my profile hasn't been read. I think guys automatically assume it's because of the face picture which isn't the case. I've actually believe it or not, not responded to people's message because I think they are too good looking.

Whatever the reason women don't reply, no one should take it to heart. Know you're worth guys and just move on, the next person you message might just be your person too."

This

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

@coyoteugly I'm fairly sure though that you could have a vast array of choice, if you wanted to

(that's a compliment, btw) lol

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

I’ve been ignored and I’ve ignored plenty

I don’t give it any thought. It’s people I don’t know or care about. No reason to worry or take anything to heart.

It’s a simple “not interested”!

V x

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"I'm thinking some are seeing this as the usual rant thread, rather than seeing it for what it is, a discussion on how people may feel.

Exactly this... I'm not ranting... I don't do arguments etc. I'm taking a more laid back discussion approach...

Call it an amuse-bouche, if you will

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"@coyoteugly I'm fairly sure though that you could have a vast array of choice, if you wanted to

(that's a compliment, btw) lol"

Ok this^ guys throw compliments about to blank profiles, they message 100's of women a day stating they're the most beautiful/sexy blah blah blah.

Try been genuine with who you actually find attractive and you may have more success.

May have, I don't do guarantees or anything.

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By *eliusMan
over a year ago

Henlow

Life’s way too short to worry about things that don’t matter. This is one of those things that most certainly - don’t matter - and I’m sure, even though this is a slightly different treatment, that this subject has been done to death.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry to break it to you but that’s the reality of sending messages to women on this website.

Out of 500 messages sent, less than 1% of them will be read.

It might be a numbers game but it’s also totally bullshit.

Ok, first off, 500? Is there really 500 on here that are your 'type'?? That could be where you're going wrong??

There’s no point trying to have a certain type on here….. even if you do see someone that you think is drop dead gorgeous and tried your best at writing the perfect message, there’s the high probability that it will either be deleted or ignored.

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By *hrista BellendWoman
over a year ago

Delightful Bliss

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x

No reply 'is' a reply.

Do you reply to all of the ones you're not interested in or just delete/bin/ignore what you see on the screen?

Genius

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

In your original post you mentioned a lady that 'ticks all the boxes'.

Were those your boxes or hers?

Even if you think you fit what someone is looking for you may not. Right height? Great. Right age? That's two - yay! She wants a beard? Just don't shave for a month. It says she wants an average sized cock and that's you - awesome! She can't accom so wants you to - and you can! This is sounding promising!!

So you message.

And get no reply.

And wonder why?

It's because attraction and interest can't be whittled down to a few generic characteristics. She may just not fancy you for the strangest reason. But that's her choice.

Nobody is entitled to 'the chance to prove themselves'. There's no 'equality act' in place in the world of online contact sites and swinging. There's no right to appeal. There's no structured formal interview process that gives all applicants a level playing field to compete on.

It may be frustrating. It may be disappointing. You may feel hard done by . But that's not the responsibility of anyone else to deal with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to get a bit grumpy and it knocked my self esteem. I joined the site after my 12 year marriage died a shitty death and it really dropped me on my arse as i started to believe the poison my ex spouted about nobody else wanting me. But in hindsight i joined too early and wasnt healed yet. Came back after about 12 months and yes, it was the same old letdowns but i stopped taking it personally and began to laugh it off really. Either you suck it up and keep true to yourself or get off the site and put yourself back together

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By *rwhowhatwherewhyMan
over a year ago

Aylesbury

"I'm thinking some are seeing this as the usual rant thread, rather than seeing it for what it is, a discussion on how people may feel.

Exactly this... I'm not ranting... I don't do arguments etc. I'm taking a more laid back discussion approach...

Call it an amuse-bouche, if you will"

That's fair enough, but just get over yourselves. We all get ignored by those who attention we desire, its feels degrading and it hurts like hell. But it's all part of the course of Fab and the constant whining in the forum really starts to grate

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

I'm loving the responses by the way guys, thank you

it's interesting to see so many diverse opinions.

Again, I think some people are thinking that the way I've worded it is another typical 'rant' thread, which it's not... it is just a hypothetical average approach to what I feel most men probably go through on here, and how it makes you feel and how you respond and react to it

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By *eyond PurityCouple
over a year ago

Lincolnshire

There’s lots of reasons why there may not be a reply/instant delete. We send messages ourselves and get no replies/no thanks messages. People could have meets lined up, not in the mood, have real life problems, don’t like the look of you, too busy…

I get it’s frustrating that you’ve constructed the best message ever and you feel you are right for them. But the bottom line is, the recipient hasn’t asked for that message…so as it’s unsolicited, then you can’t expect a reply. Like the pizza flyer doesn’t expect you to say no thanks every night you don’t want a pizza.

Focus on the good things rather than the negative and your FAB life will become easier.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It can be hard when you think there’s a genuine chance of compatibility with someone.

We’ve messaged couples in the past who on the surface looked ideal. It’s a bit of a blow when they’ve then looked at your profile and obviously don’t feel the same way.

Over the years we’ve toughened up and it matters less, especially when you make other connections that ARE ideal.

Viv

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"It can be hard when you think there’s a genuine chance of compatibility with someone.

We’ve messaged couples in the past who on the surface looked ideal. It’s a bit of a blow when they’ve then looked at your profile and obviously don’t feel the same way.

Over the years we’ve toughened up and it matters less, especially when you make other connections that ARE ideal.

Viv"

Thank you Viv, great answer

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By *esi_in_brusselsMan
over a year ago

Brussels, Belgium

Single men complaining for no replies, couples complaining for no show.. Everything is normal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Once I send a face pic I generally don't expect a reply. When I first joined fab I did find it difficult. But after a couple of years you just have to come to terms with these thing and I have accepted that I'm not a good looking guy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm loving the responses by the way guys, thank you

it's interesting to see so many diverse opinions.

People's natural reaction is to eye roll but it's easy to dismiss mens feelings. If it was a woman posting this, people would be more sympathetic. It's shit being a guy on here, I don't envy you at all. But when it comes to threads, post what you like don't worry about people trying to shut you down.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" feeling of being dismissed when not even given the chance to prove yourself. "

I don't understand this.

Why should anyone give someone here a chance to 'prove themself'?

How far does it need to go before the message sender feels justified in 'proving' themselves ?

What are you/the messager want to prove ?

How can a person prove themselves by message ?

Who are they wanting to prove themself to?

What is expected to happen once the messager feels proven ?

At what point does it stop?

'Talk to me via message, I'm a decent person, let me prove it'

'I'm better looking/funnier/more interesting in person, let me prove it'

'I'm the best kisser, let me prove it'

'I'm an amazing fuck, let me prove it'

I'm genuinely interested in answers

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

I feel over the moon and block, which helps to filter out my platform on the site and continue to enjoy the site never cry trust me

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"I'm thinking some are seeing this as the usual rant thread, rather than seeing it for what it is, a discussion on how people may feel.

Exactly this... I'm not ranting... I don't do arguments etc. I'm taking a more laid back discussion approach...

Call it an amuse-bouche, if you will

I am over myself, I have no qualms and my inner sanctum is at peace. I apologise if you are sick of these types of topics, but clearly with the responses there are people who would like to voice their opinions and get something off their chest.

See it as a type of cathaticism

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

The number of unread messages a woman has in her inbox has zero relevance because they are unread.

The only messages that are relevant are the ones actually opened and read and as many have explained before they more often than not look at the senders profile before deciding if the message is worth opening or not.

Many women don't have hundreds or thousands of messages for any number of reasons including use of filters.

In regards to how I react to no reply I can't answer that because I don't send first contact messages and haven't done in 2 or 3 years.

When I did send them I deleted them as soon as I sent them and didn't give them a second thought so I wasn't constantly checking to see if they had been read or not.

I didn't take no reply as rejection but then again I wasn't sending lots of messages anyway. One or two a month maximum.

Since focusing all my energies on the forums and no other part of the site, I've found that patience, a consistent profile and forum presence mean that women get a better sense of who I am and they feel confident enough to get in touch.

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By *JstarsoloWoman
over a year ago

Wombwell, Barnsley

"Life’s way too short to worry about things that don’t matter. This is one of those things that most certainly - don’t matter - and I’m sure, even though this is a slightly different treatment, that this subject has been done to death. "

Agreed. People may feel they gave the best message, etc, are decent looking, etc. etc. But if there is no match, there is no match. Dust yourself off and move on...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm thinking some are seeing this as the usual rant thread, rather than seeing it for what it is, a discussion on how people may feel.

Exactly this... I'm not ranting... I don't do arguments etc. I'm taking a more laid back discussion approach...

Call it an amuse-bouche, if you will

See it as a type of cathaticism "

Wouldn't of even bothered explaining yourself, at the end of the day you can write whatever thread you want (obviously within the rules of Fab)

There's a lot of the same threads on here but it's just how it'll always be, don't know why people take the time out to comment on it or why it bothers them so much. If it does, just swipe back off the thread, it's not hard really.

Miss S x

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By *esi_in_brusselsMan
over a year ago

Brussels, Belgium

'I'm an amazing fuck, let me prove it'

That's the final goal

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By *arkjackMan
over a year ago

West Cork

All men and women feel a natural possessiveness about the OS they desire but unless it can be mutual and they both accept they belong to each other...

That's basically the first rule of civilization. If most people don't follow it most of the time we'll live in a hellscape pretty fast.

It's tough though, we know that - nobody wants to feel lonely.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

"I'm loving the responses by the way guys, thank you

it's interesting to see so many diverse opinions.

The answers I've given have been generic and aimed at anyone and everyone.

I was a single male for years on here. I started out unverified like everyone. I struggled initially too. I took advice, became more patient, got involved in the forums, went to a local club and an organised social and discovered that putting all your eggs in the one basket of just 'sending messages' was a guaranteed route to frustration and despair.

I've said it before. If you struggle to engage with the opposite sex in the real world your life will be 100 times harder online. If you struggle to get vanilla dates on sites like POF and Tinder etc then you'll also struggle on here.

Does it help if you're aesthetically pleasing with a good body, face and dare I say it - cock? Of course it does. That's no different to normal life.

You have to sell yourself as well as you can and if you have no clue how to 'market' yourself then you're better off learning before you start messaging. Because once you've been disregarded by someone it can be hard to regain their interest - and that's if they haven't already blocked you.

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

[Removed by poster at 19/08/22 19:47:00]

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"The number of unread messages a woman has in her inbox has zero relevance because they are unread.

Many women don't have hundreds or thousands of messages for any number of reasons including use of filters.

In regards to how I react to no reply I can't answer that because I don't send first contact messages and haven't done in 2 or 3 years.

When I did send them I deleted them as soon as I sent them and didn't give them a second thought so I wasn't constantly checking to see if they had been read or not.

I didn't take no reply as rejection but then again I wasn't sending lots of messages anyway. One or two a month maximum.

Absolutely on point

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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago

Near Marlborough

"The number of unread messages a woman has in her inbox has zero relevance because they are unread.

Many women don't have hundreds or thousands of messages for any number of reasons including use of filters.

In regards to how I react to no reply I can't answer that because I don't send first contact messages and haven't done in 2 or 3 years.

When I did send them I deleted them as soon as I sent them and didn't give them a second thought so I wasn't constantly checking to see if they had been read or not.

I didn't take no reply as rejection but then again I wasn't sending lots of messages anyway. One or two a month maximum.

You mean people didn’t reply??? Swoon

V x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So tired of blokes being seen as some begger sex cos of bloody maths guys of fab come on grow some back bone you do get a say which woman you fuck in this world

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Again

Bit rude. A lot of forum topics are repeated constantly...do you give the same reply to those

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Haha mate you are always going to get slated for posting a ‘why don’t women reply’ thread

Try having sexy pics

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I feel next to nothing, because my self esteem isn't wrapped up in whether or not I get a reply from a random person on the Internet.

It's a silly crap shoot for fun, taking any of it too seriously is a recipe for disaster.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"Again

Bit rude. A lot of forum topics are repeated constantly...do you give the same reply to those

Thank you

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"Haha mate you are always going to get slated for posting a ‘why don’t women reply’ thread

Try having sexy pics

Haha... sexiness is in the eye of the beholder, but for you.. I'd make an exception

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"I feel next to nothing, because my self esteem isn't wrapped up in whether or not I get a reply from a random person on the Internet.

It's a silly crap shoot for fun, taking any of it too seriously is a recipe for disaster. "

Look... as I've stated, puerile are being quick to think that I'm ranting or caught up in the woes of fab... I'm not lol I'm fine, honestly

I was just merely and rationally trying to elegantly narrate it from a position where most guys (and ladies?) Could relate to

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By *parkle1974Woman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Again

Bit rude. A lot of forum topics are repeated constantly...do you give the same reply to those

Thank you"

You're welcome. You will always get some that like to be sarcastic x

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

*people... not puerile...

Bloody phone

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

I've just come to expect it, sure it sucks and can be disheartening, especially when you give it your best shot and think a real connection could be made. But after a while you realise that getting butthurt over it changes nothing, you might as well grow a sense of detachment from it all and just try and enjoy yourself.

If they don't respond/politely decline it just means they're not right for you, and surely nobody wants to spend their time on people that don't match with them.

We're all grown ups, we can take it on the chin and keep going

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x"

I was always told manners cost nothing - so you’ve probably dodged a bullet early on anyway.

Also,

Are the women in charge on here or something? What did I miss?

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"I've just come to expect it, sure it sucks and can be disheartening, especially when you give it your best shot and think a real connection could be made. But after a while you realise that getting butthurt over it changes nothing, you might as well grow a sense of detachment from it all and just try and enjoy yourself.

If they don't respond/politely decline it just means they're not right for you, and surely nobody wants to spend their time on people that don't match with them.

We're all grown ups, we can take it on the chin and keep going

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x

I was always told manners cost nothing - so you’ve probably dodged a bullet early on anyway.

Also,

Are the women in charge on here or something? What did I miss?"

Manners....

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Don't take it to heart or personally - it's about them and their very different circumstances and needs.

If you'd not done all the right things to start, you'd have zero chance

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

Are the women in charge on here or something? What did I miss?"

Haha... I guess they are.. I don't know what the exact ratio is, but it feels like it's 10,000 to 1

(Jokes, btw)

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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"but the question is, do any of you guys take it to heart? Have any of you felt like you've 'over messaged' that person subsequently?

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?"

Your time on fab will be more enjoyable if you just delete your messages after you send them.

You might think you tick all their boxes, but only they will lnow for sure.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"but the question is, do any of you guys take it to heart? Have any of you felt like you've 'over messaged' that person subsequently?

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

Your time on fab will be more enjoyable if you just delete your messages after you send them.

You might think you tick all their boxes, but only they will lnow for sure."

Oh absolutely.... I couldn't agree more. A lot of the time I do, I personally don't get cut up about anything and couldn't really give a hoot.

My time on Fab is to try to make decent friends on here and if anything else comes of it, then bonus.... go me!

On a serious note, if anyone feels like they need to rant or need a chat... just private message me. My door is always open x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I feel next to nothing, because my self esteem isn't wrapped up in whether or not I get a reply from a random person on the Internet.

It's a silly crap shoot for fun, taking any of it too seriously is a recipe for disaster.

Look... as I've stated, puerile are being quick to think that I'm ranting or caught up in the woes of fab... I'm not lol I'm fine, honestly

I was just merely and rationally trying to elegantly narrate it from a position where most guys (and ladies?) Could relate to"

I get it bro, and it's not a dig at you from anyone else I suspect. More so the fact this comes up a lot, elegant or not.

Like I said, it's all a bit silly and everyone has the right to make knew jerk choices for their own needs. You included.

Do you think us guys don't? My block list only grows bigger, and I usually don't need much in the way of reasons to decline and move on.

It's nothing personal, it's life.

Other's have stated things far more eloquently, obi basically has a side hustle in fostering newbies with tough love. He isn't wrong, so take the hard to swallow pills and follow the trail before you, or blaze your own.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x"

you can tick as many boxs as you like you can think your a match as much as you want but if the attraction is not there then all those ticks mean nothing swinging is a rejection scene it has to be just because of the sheer numbers of men so loads get rejected day in day out that is no ones fault ....100/200 men to every woman some areas alot lot more than that

the other thing is no one owes you anything not even a answer there are 100s of forum post explaining why

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By *he Happy ManMan
over a year ago

Merseyside

"Again

I apologise bud if this is a repeat of an ongoing subject, the forum is a large place"

Your question gets asked at least once per week.

No reply = no thanks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm one of these women delete messages.

If the message doesn't fit my niche'

If I'm not attracted

If the profile is bland, two lines

Some awful cheesy innuendo. I literally had, I like bitty in a message. I mean

You're also using text as your advertisement which not everyone reads right.

I still get dick pics even though I spend a good paragraph explaining not my thing.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

I believe we've not yet sent the first message regarding a possible meet, to anyone of any gender.

I have through the forums though.

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

Some definitely do!!! Promise

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By *ealitybitesMan
over a year ago

Belfast

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

Every single conversation since the beginning of 2020 has been started by a woman messaging me because as I said above I genuinely haven't sent a single first contact message in that time.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

I believe we've not yet sent the first message regarding a possible meet, to anyone of any gender.

I have through the forums though. "

Interesting

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

Every single conversation since the beginning of 2020 has been started by a woman messaging me because as I said above I genuinely haven't sent a single first contact message in that time. "

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

Some definitely do!!! Promise

Lol really????

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman
over a year ago

Wherever

I don’t reply because I don’t want to, not necessarily because I’m being “bombarded” with messages.

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By *hePerkyPumpkinTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

Oh that's easy, in my time here I have received three messages from women that have messaged me first.

Two were in reference to a forum I'd commented on.

One was because she liked what she saw and felt like sending me a message, shame she lived on the other side of the country

I've lots of messages from couples but that is almost exclusively the male showing interest in me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

Yep …and as previously mentioned my profile is shyte and has no info on it. In fact I’m calling those whose look a bastard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

Difference is, I only message guys first I actually like.

I don't send 100s

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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago

Newcastle

Basically if the message system isn't working go to the club's they have social events mingle

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

Unless you are adonis-like and/or under 40, this place is not a great option for hook-ups. Much like other vanilla dating sites or vanilla bars/clubs.

The amount of effort you put in to your profile might marginally increase your chances of getting laid but it won't do so proportionally.

If you don't like the odds, don't buy a ticket. Or enjoy the site in other ways: looking at the pictures, using forums/chatrooms etc.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"Unless you are adonis-like and/or under 40, this place is not a great option for hook-ups. Much like other vanilla dating sites or vanilla bars/clubs.

The amount of effort you put in to your profile might marginally increase your chances of getting laid but it won't do so proportionally.

If you don't like the odds, don't buy a ticket. Or enjoy the site in other ways: looking at the pictures, using forums/chatrooms etc."

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By *mily36CWoman
over a year ago

Bedford (or anywhere beginning with B..!?)

"Unless you are adonis-like and/or under 40, this place is not a great option for hook-ups. Much like other vanilla dating sites or vanilla bars/clubs.

The amount of effort you put in to your profile might marginally increase your chances of getting laid but it won't do so proportionally.

If you don't like the odds, don't buy a ticket. Or enjoy the site in other ways: looking at the pictures, using forums/chatrooms etc."

But haven't you got to be in it, to win it??!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are the women in charge on here or something? What did I miss?

Haha... I guess they are.. I don't know what the exact ratio is, but it feels like it's 10,000 to 1

(Jokes, btw)"

I suppose aslong as it stays like that, the whole concept of this site is rendered useless then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x

I was always told manners cost nothing - so you’ve probably dodged a bullet early on anyway.

Also,

Are the women in charge on here or something? What did I miss?

Manners....

Do you need some squire!?

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By *iaisonseekerMan
over a year ago

Liverpool

"Unless you are adonis-like and/or under 40, this place is not a great option for hook-ups. Much like other vanilla dating sites or vanilla bars/clubs.

The amount of effort you put in to your profile might marginally increase your chances of getting laid but it won't do so proportionally.

If you don't like the odds, don't buy a ticket. Or enjoy the site in other ways: looking at the pictures, using forums/chatrooms etc.

But haven't you got to be in it, to win it??!!

Undeniably, yes. But only each individual can decide their tolerance for long odds.

Some people buy lottery tickets, some don't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x

I was always told manners cost nothing - so you’ve probably dodged a bullet early on anyway.

Also,

Are the women in charge on here or something? What did I miss?

Manners....

Do you need some squire!?"

Nah

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x

I was always told manners cost nothing - so you’ve probably dodged a bullet early on anyway.

Also,

Are the women in charge on here or something? What did I miss?

Manners....

Do you need some squire!?

Nah"

Thank fuck for that sir!

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Just put it down to experience and move on

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Nobody owes you a response...nobody even owes you a read of your message

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By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

I dont really worry about it. I find that taking a long break from sending messages is a good way around it

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

That's what the forum is for, it allows the cathartic process to flow

Plus, we're all sexy fuckers in our own way and fuck anyone who tells you any differently.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nobody owes you a response...nobody even owes you a read of your message

Double Standards.

If a bloke did it to a women, you’d likely never hear the end of it

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By *os19Man
over a year ago

Edmonton

Although I have been told I have a good profile and clear face and body pictures which are selfies they are probably average at best and I admit that I am not the most photogenic I am also the wrong side of 50 , hairy and a bit overweight so I don’t do very well with messaging.I don’t let it get me down as I find I am more successful as I try to attend the London socials , club , spa.For me I am at a crossroads in my personal , working and Fabs life that I am not going to let deleted or ignored messages get to me.I am on Fabs on my terms and I leave Fabs on my terms

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By *lowercandyWoman
over a year ago

Lancashire

I've never messaged a guy or couple for that matter while I've been here as a single fem (different when i was here in a couple) in a "i like you" way.

I have sometimes messaged through the forum posts but again never as a "i like you"

I just don't feel confident enough in myself to do that.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"I've never messaged a guy or couple for that matter while I've been here as a single fem (different when i was here in a couple) in a "i like you" way.

I have sometimes messaged through the forum posts but again never as a "i like you"

I just don't feel confident enough in myself to do that.

And that is perfectly fine

you do you, that I guess is the moral of the story.

How are you finding things now 'not in a couple'?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of the best habits I have developed here is to delete the message from my sent items as soon as I send the message. There is absolutely no point in monitoring if someone read your message if the person didn't reply anyway.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

Some absolutely sound advice here guys, thank you for all your inputs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nobody owes you a response...nobody even owes you a read of your message

Double Standards.

If a bloke did it to a women, you’d likely never hear the end of it"

I've had men not respond or read my messages. What's the big deal? They don't owe me anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nobody owes you a response...nobody even owes you a read of your message

Double Standards.

If a bloke did it to a women, you’d likely never hear the end of it

I've had men not respond or read my messages. What's the big deal? They don't owe me anything. "

No whinging, rare yet somewhat impressive.

Suppose you’re right, we owe you nowt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t read into it personally. I just say- it’s because you’re ugly, Steve. There’s nothing that can be done about these things except what I do which is to stop sending messages to women and just enjoying the forums and socials.

It’s not that deep, women find it hard on here too. I don’t think this is a guy specific issue

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By *urora1912Woman
over a year ago

Norfolk East anglia

"I find myself being something of an expert in this field

I love how guys think every woman on here is bombarded with messages.

Exactly not all of us do

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"I don’t read into it personally. I just say- it’s because you’re ugly, Steve. There’s nothing that can be done about these things except what I do which is to stop sending messages to women and just enjoying the forums and socials.

It’s not that deep, women find it hard on here too. I don’t think this is a guy specific issue"

I believe this to be the case too... the world is full of dickheads both men and women... and also in this same world, full of beautiful people.

I don't read into anything, I'm easy chill

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nobody owes you a response...nobody even owes you a read of your message

Double Standards.

If a bloke did it to a women, you’d likely never hear the end of it

I've had men not respond or read my messages. What's the big deal? They don't owe me anything.

No whinging, rare yet somewhat impressive.

Suppose you’re right, we owe you nowt"

Course you don't.

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By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

[Removed by poster at 19/08/22 21:56:10]

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By *hagTonightMan
over a year ago

From the land of haribos.

"Life’s way too short to worry about things that don’t matter. "
This

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By *issYeuxBleusWoman
over a year ago

My boudoir - S Wales

I loose a lot of messages. They disappear down the list when newer messages come through. I have no hope with “silhouette” profile pics, but also sometimes I log in and see the number of

Messages and think “nah not today, I’ll just go have some craic in the forums”.

Then other days I have the motivation to go and read and reply. It’s quite relentless. And I probably miss loads of lovely people

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"I loose a lot of messages. They disappear down the list when newer messages come through. I have no hope with “silhouette” profile pics, but also sometimes I log in and see the number of

Messages and think “nah not today, I’ll just go have some craic in the forums”.

Then other days I have the motivation to go and read and reply. It’s quite relentless. And I probably miss loads of lovely people

And those lovely people unfortunately miss you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m older and wiser now compared to my early days on Fab. These days proactive first messages from me are very rare, and when I do they’re tailored and specific, not generic bobbins.

It’s better to let people message you tbf. Not that you’ll ever get an overflowing inbox, but what messages you do get will tend to be quality ones.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"I’m older and wiser now compared to my early days on Fab. These days proactive first messages from me are very rare, and when I do they’re tailored and specific, not generic bobbins.

It’s better to let people message you tbf. Not that you’ll ever get an overflowing inbox, but what messages you do get will tend to be quality ones."

No truer word said

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

I used to fire off five messages a day ...when that message box turned yellow it made my day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m older and wiser now compared to my early days on Fab. These days proactive first messages from me are very rare, and when I do they’re tailored and specific, not generic bobbins.

It’s better to let people message you tbf. Not that you’ll ever get an overflowing inbox, but what messages you do get will tend to be quality ones."

This kind of how we feel, that it's better for us for someone to approach us.

However, if both sides are waiting for the other to make the first move.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"I used to fire off five messages a day ...when that message box turned yellow it made my day

It's a great feeling, and a rare one for men compared to women.. ngl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Again

I apologise bud if this is a repeat of an ongoing subject, the forum is a large place

Your question gets asked at least once per week.

No reply = no thanks. "

And he can post it every week if people want to, if it annoys you don't read it.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

[Removed by poster at 19/08/22 23:07:00]

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"Again

I apologise bud if this is a repeat of an ongoing subject, the forum is a large place

Your question gets asked at least once per week.

No reply = no thanks.

And he can post it every week if people want to, if it annoys you don't read it."

Preach, teach and freedom of speech

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By *lderflower_AppleWoman
over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

Every single conversation since the beginning of 2020 has been started by a woman messaging me because as I said above I genuinely haven't sent a single first contact message in that time. "

I dont get as many messages as lots of the women on here, but if they've landed in my inbox as a result of a forum thread I'll always read and reply. In fact I rarely respond to messages I've received that aren't through the forums.

Why? Because the message has come from the forum its way more likely the sender is interested in something I've said or has a common interest in a game we might be playing, and in many cases we'll have interacted within the forum so have some degree of understanding how the other works.

This site is all about finding out how it works best for you and then working it to the maximum benefit.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

Every single conversation since the beginning of 2020 has been started by a woman messaging me because as I said above I genuinely haven't sent a single first contact message in that time.

This site is all about finding out how it works best for you and then working it to the maximum benefit."

This happens with me, in fact... many from this very conversation

Relatable topics help break the ice, and it feels like they're part way to knowing a bit about you already

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By *avexxMan
over a year ago

cheshire

no i defo dont take it heart..

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By *ove2pleaseseukMan
over a year ago

Hastings

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x"

Take it the same as I would if chating up a lady in a bar in town.

Hurt but if you don't put your self out nothing is going to happen.

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

Do I take it to heart? If I did I’d be a nervous wreck, with no self confidence.

That’s about as far from the truth as you can get.

Water off a ducks back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try not to take it to heart, the right woman will appreciate that you made the extra effort, and those that don't are missing out!

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By *reddy400Man
over a year ago

birmingham

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x"

Hey it’s frustrating at first when you get no replies you try and make your message interesting original fun to get completely ghosted, I never over message anyone, I send 1 message if they don’t reply that’s it I move on....but noticed I don’t put as much effort or thought into my messages anymore as 9/10 time it never gets read or it gets mass deleted lol

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x"

What kind of idiot sends a face pic in an opening message?

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By *ushNWWoman
over a year ago

Salford

If I receive a nice personal message I reply. If someone appears genuine and they’ve taken the time to read my profile and send me a message that is not copied and pasted I think it’s the least I can do, even if it’s to say I’m not interested but appreciated the message. Manners cost not a penny!

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"If I receive a nice personal message I reply. If someone appears genuine and they’ve taken the time to read my profile and send me a message that is not copied and pasted I think it’s the least I can do, even if it’s to say I’m not interested but appreciated the message. Manners cost not a penny!"

What do you mean by genuine?

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By *ushNWWoman
over a year ago

Salford

What do you mean by genuine? "

So I have tonight received photos of guys that are clearly lifted from Google and some where their dicks have been photoshopped to such an extent that they would die when they got a hard on. There’s also those that only message to say you are fat or ugly. Those messages are not genuine

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

What do you mean by genuine?

Well the first 2 examples fair enough. The last example is genuine though. Nasty and possibly untrue, but genuone nonetheless

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By *riel13Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x

What kind of idiot sends a face pic in an opening message? "

Why wouldn't you? My face is visible so people know if there is attraction, before messaging... If I don't see one then I don't know if I like the look of someone enough to reply, so I don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I get this a lot. I always read the bio fully and try to incorporate what I’ve read in the message to show that I have read it properly. When I first joined fab a few years ago I used to take it personally and wondered if I was just not attractive enough or if my pics were just not good enough or my bio wasn’t right.

Now I know how the site is I don’t take it to heart or let it get to me. I do still find it a bit frustrating when they read the message and don’t even check out my profile but I just shrug it off and forget about it.

“Each to their own” as they say

Also if someone is like that then I think they wouldn’t be right for me anyway so it’s a good thing

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By *ushNWWoman
over a year ago

Salford

What do you mean by genuine?

Well the first 2 examples fair enough. The last example is genuine though. Nasty and possibly untrue, but genuone nonetheless"

A genuine person wouldn’t message to just be nasty, would they?

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

What do you mean by genuine?

Well the first 2 examples fair enough. The last example is genuine though. Nasty and possibly untrue, but genuone nonetheless

A genuine person wouldn’t message to just be nasty, would they?"

Of course they would. A genuinely nasty person

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By *ushNWWoman
over a year ago

Salford

What do you mean by genuine?

Well the first 2 examples fair enough. The last example is genuine though. Nasty and possibly untrue, but genuone nonetheless

A genuine person wouldn’t message to just be nasty, would they?

Of course they would. A genuinely nasty person"

I stand corrected lol x

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x

What kind of idiot sends a face pic in an opening message?

Why wouldn't you? My face is visible so people know if there is attraction, before messaging... If I don't see one then I don't know if I like the look of someone enough to reply, so I don't. "

Why would i want me face knocking around out there? What if they sent it onto someone, or they recognised me from real life?

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By *reddy400Man
over a year ago

birmingham

What do you mean by genuine?

Well the first 2 examples fair enough. The last example is genuine though. Nasty and possibly untrue, but genuone nonetheless

A genuine person wouldn’t message to just be nasty, would they?"

There’s no need to be nasty or personal on her....it’s just sad

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By *riel13Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

"I get this a lot. I always read the bio fully and try to incorporate what I’ve read in the message to show that I have read it properly. When I first joined fab a few years ago I used to take it personally and wondered if I was just not attractive enough or if my pics were just not good enough or my bio wasn’t right.

“Each to their own” as they say

Also if someone is like that then I think they wouldn’t be right for me anyway so it’s a good thing "

They do check your profile, probably before even looking at your message... Most women on here have checked out their settings so know about looking in stealth mode

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By *riel13Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x

What kind of idiot sends a face pic in an opening message?

Why wouldn't you? My face is visible so people know if there is attraction, before messaging... If I don't see one then I don't know if I like the look of someone enough to reply, so I don't.

Why would i want me face knocking around out there? What if they sent it onto someone, or they recognised me from real life? "

Why would you assume that kinda stuff? As I told some that messaged me off the back of a forum thread, the other week... I need to see a face because a great body is not what I'm attracted to

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By *riel13Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x

What kind of idiot sends a face pic in an opening message?

Why wouldn't you? My face is visible so people know if there is attraction, before messaging... If I don't see one then I don't know if I like the look of someone enough to reply, so I don't.

Why would i want me face knocking around out there? What if they sent it onto someone, or they recognised me from real life?

Why would you assume that kinda stuff? As I told some that messaged me off the back of a forum thread, the other week... I need to see a face because a great body is not what I'm attracted to "

Plus, you can have it delete as soon as it's seen

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

“Each to their own” as they say

Also if someone is like that then I think they wouldn’t be right for me anyway so it’s a good thing "

Thats a waste of time. Just do a copy and paste job and bang it out to multiple profiles. Far more economical use of your time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In your original post you mentioned a lady that 'ticks all the boxes'.

Were those your boxes or hers?

So you message.

And get no reply.

And wonder why?

It's because attraction and interest can't be whittled down to a few generic characteristics. She may just not fancy you for the strangest reason. But that's her choice.

It may be frustrating. It may be disappointing. You may feel hard done by . But that's not the responsibility of anyone else to deal with.

This is very true and a very good point if I’m honest

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By *xploring_FunWoman
over a year ago

Coventry

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

I’ve pretty much given up messaging first as ever time I have recently I’ve been accused of being a bloke because women don’t message first…

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x

What kind of idiot sends a face pic in an opening message?

Why wouldn't you? My face is visible so people know if there is attraction, before messaging... If I don't see one then I don't know if I like the look of someone enough to reply, so I don't.

Why would i want me face knocking around out there? What if they sent it onto someone, or they recognised me from real life?

Why would you assume that kinda stuff? As I told some that messaged me off the back of a forum thread, the other week... I need to see a face because a great body is not what I'm attracted to "

I wouldnt take the risk. Why would i need to? Plenty of women on this site who dont look for that

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By *riel13Woman
over a year ago

Northampton

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x

What kind of idiot sends a face pic in an opening message?

Why wouldn't you? My face is visible so people know if there is attraction, before messaging... If I don't see one then I don't know if I like the look of someone enough to reply, so I don't.

Why would i want me face knocking around out there? What if they sent it onto someone, or they recognised me from real life?

Why would you assume that kinda stuff? As I told some that messaged me off the back of a forum thread, the other week... I need to see a face because a great body is not what I'm attracted to

I wouldnt take the risk. Why would i need to? Plenty of women on this site who dont look for that "

Attraction?

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By *ananaman41Man
over a year ago

Dublin

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x

What kind of idiot sends a face pic in an opening message?

Why wouldn't you? My face is visible so people know if there is attraction, before messaging... If I don't see one then I don't know if I like the look of someone enough to reply, so I don't.

Why would i want me face knocking around out there? What if they sent it onto someone, or they recognised me from real life?

Why would you assume that kinda stuff? As I told some that messaged me off the back of a forum thread, the other week... I need to see a face because a great body is not what I'm attracted to

I wouldnt take the risk. Why would i need to? Plenty of women on this site who dont look for that

Attraction?

No i mean plenty of women on here who dont look for a face pic straight from the off

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By *ecadent_DevonMan
over a year ago

Okehampton

I don’t like baked beans, I don’t write to Heinz to tell them why, I just walk past them in a supermarket. I’m sure they don’t take it personally, lots of people like baked beans, so Heinz focus their attention on them, now if it was spaghetti hoops we would be having a whole other conversation..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

I’ve pretty much given up messaging first as ever time I have recently I’ve been accused of being a bloke because women don’t message first…

I can confidently say I’ve never been messaged first by anyone ever

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By *he Artful TodgerMan
over a year ago

Yorkshire but travel

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x"

I sometimes wonder if my message got lost amongst the 600 others or buried in a full mailbox..?

I’ve sometimes wondered if they’re actually as genuine as you might’ve thought..?

Ultimately it is what it is, nothing to get the arse about, nothing to get wound up about, there 1000’s of interesting sexy people on here to connect with so just move on…

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By *ussieChrisMan
over a year ago

Walsall

In the end it doesn't matter if they choose to reply or not, yeah sometimes it can be a bit of a kick in the balls, and disheartening when someone you really would like to talk to and possibly meet shuts you down with a delete or no reply.. But that's life. Honestly, I'd rather that then being laughed at in pubs, clubs etc face to face.

So all in all, yeah it sucks when you would like it, but don't get it.., but I just dust myself off and keep perving, who knows the next profile I look at might get a message, and they might reply..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You shouldn’t take it to heart! Attraction is so subjective that you can tick all the boxes and still not get a reply.

I ignore more than I respond to especially as so few match my quite precise criteria as laid out on my profile. Or they’ve got a very empty profile with no info about themselves!

A lot of them will also drop off as new messages come in. I’d love to respond to everyone but it just isn’t possible. I have quite tight age filters but still have over 700 unread messages currently.

So many things impact whether I’m interested though and it’s not limited to appearance.

Could be all their veris are from BBWs which is the opposite to my own body type, could be they can’t accommodate, could even be I’ve seen forum posts from them that made me realise we wouldn’t be a good match!

Don’t take it as rejection on looks as there are so many factors at play here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just block em and move on to the next one... makes sense to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

I’ve pretty much given up messaging first as ever time I have recently I’ve been accused of being a bloke because women don’t message first…

Yep, or seem absolutely puzzled as to why you would be messaging first... Or at all?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You okay by the rules... have genuine nice, artistic and decent photos.... a well constructed profile... and conduct yourselves in the forum well.

For the message to get read and then never replied to.

How does the whole experience of going through that whole process for it to get completely ignored make you feel?

I just want to hear some stories and tales on the various situations that a lot of guys have probably found themselves in

Discuss x"

It's shit to get no reply. A human being would understand that.

There are many reasons why women don't reply.

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By *anJXMan
over a year ago

Warrington

The women on here never reply. Granted they are probably get a lot of messages but still no replies when like you say you put in the effort is rude

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some woman’s profiles are so sparse or the photos are so vague that it’s impossible to have anything that you might be able to construct a decent message around.

If you do get a reply from what you may think is a well written first introduction message then it can be very easy to use that same message as a framework for tailoring messages. This can end up with a male falling into the cycle of generic copy and pasted messages which are as effective as a one line message that is begging for sex….. you really don’t want to be seen as that guy!

I’m not the greatest at creative writing so find that I really struggle with any any online interaction with dating or hook up sites being no end of frustration.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

Absolutely this

I can't recommend this enough.... as you said, manners cost nothing especially after someone has taken the time to read and construct a message properly and with great care and thought.

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By *_Mr.K_x OP Man
over a year ago

North Worcestershire

Again... just to reiterate to all the newer posters who have perhaps read my opening message and then jumped in to comment at the end without reading some of the context in-between:-

I'm fine!

"Don't take it to heart" - I don't, I wasn't posting to expect sympathy, I already know the rules of the site

I was merely posting it from a perspective that most guys could relate to, in order to engage and allow people to voice their opinions.

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By *JstarsoloWoman
over a year ago

Wombwell, Barnsley

I don't get this, why concentrate on the people who don't want to engage with you? Surely energies would be better spent chatting with the people who do.

I don't agree that's its bad manners or rude not to reply to an unsolicited message. And it does cost to reply to someone you have no interest in, in terms of time, personal stress levels, enjoyment of the site, etc.

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By *bi HaiveMan
Forum Mod
over a year ago

Cheeseville, Somerset

Absolutely this

I can't recommend this enough.... as you said, manners cost nothing especially after someone has taken the time to read and construct a message properly and with great care and thought. "

There's another common reason many single women and couples don't reply.

If someone replies just to say 'thanks, but no thanks' and then later decides to apply the filter for incoming messages from men - anyone they've sent that 'manners cost nothing' message to will still be able to contact them again.

Many have found through experience it's just not worth the hassle.

It's why some profiles (us included) will either add a block to anyone who contacts us that we know we'll never be interested in, or will even proactively block when we're browsing for potential meets.

The site gives many useful tools. The block button is one, the delete button another.

The 'manners' argument onky benefits one party and since it's the one that the recipient isn't interested in then it's not great 'manners' to expect them to respond.

'Manners' is a rwo way street.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The women on here never reply. Granted they are probably get a lot of messages but still no replies when like you say you put in the effort is rude"

Proud to be rude!!

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By *ablo minibar123Woman
over a year ago

I never realised men's egos are so easily bruised till I joined fab, maybe like me some women think is it really worth answering as you are only going to dent the delicate flowers pride one way or another.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

I’ve only ever met women for

when they’ve messaged first. I genuinely do not send messages looking any more. Unless I’m really in a good mood.

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By *ushNWWoman
over a year ago

Salford

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

I’ve only ever met women for

when they’ve messaged first. I genuinely do not send messages looking any more. Unless I’m really in a good mood. "

Great pics

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By *ORBCouple
over a year ago

Dundalk

Since creating this profile a month or so ago we've only had about a dozen messages mainly because of filters and how the profile is worded.

We have replied to every message even to say thanks but no thanks and the majority have accepted that without question.

A couple though have gone down the "your profile was amazing when I first looked at it and enticed me into getting in touch but now because I'm not what you are looking for its really shit and you have mental health issues and you are timewasters!" road.

We are well able to laugh it off because we both have long standing single accounts and nothing surprises us but it shows that while the first message is important, it's irrelevant if it's not a genuine reflection of the person sending it and their true colours appear in the second or third message.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Here's a question.... how many men genuinely get a message first, rather than the other way round?

I'm honestly not trying to create any hostility.. as it feels like I may have?

I’ve only ever met women for

when they’ve messaged first. I genuinely do not send messages looking any more. Unless I’m really in a good mood.

Great pics "

Oooft. I’d message first for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm loving the responses by the way guys, thank you

it's interesting to see so many diverse opinions.

Some of the reactions here are comical.

People complain that others don't read profiles, and complain threads are repeated.

OP, then posts a completely different tilt on a subject, not a rant but a discussion on how Men may feel.

People don't read properly and post their usual repeated comments (facepalm).

This could have been a very good thread and maybe help to express to others the difficulties.

Mental health is a real thing, and yes if this site is creating issues then step away, however is recognising the issue in the first place. Before anyone responds with that.

Nice attempt at a good thread OP, sorry to say but old habits die hard.

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

I filter our messages for the Mrs because she can't be arsed reading all the nonsense and dick picks.

99.9 times out of a 100, people who I think would be perfect, have written really nice messages and have nice interesting photos she'll still go "nah, don't like him; there's something about him not right or something like that". (And she checks occasionally just incase I'm bad judgement on the messages)

I don't understand it but its her choice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely this

I can't recommend this enough.... as you said, manners cost nothing especially after someone has taken the time to read and construct a message properly and with great care and thought. "

That’s got nothing to do with manners…

A no reply is the same answer as a no thank you.

Great so you’ve took the time to write a message to someone, and now you feel you are entitled to a message back… If you wanted to talk manners then you’d understand nobody owes you anything. Especially when it’s in the site FAQs regarding what a no reply means.

Usually when people receive a message back saying not for me, what usually follows is “but why” and potential abuse.

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By *ackandtheunicornCouple
over a year ago

liverpool

"I'm loving the responses by the way guys, thank you

it's interesting to see so many diverse opinions.

Some of the reactions here are comical.

People complain that others don't read profiles, and complain threads are repeated.

OP, then posts a completely different tilt on a subject, not a rant but a discussion on how Men may feel.

People don't read properly and post their usual repeated comments (facepalm).

This could have been a very good thread and maybe help to express to others the difficulties.

Mental health is a real thing, and yes if this site is creating issues then step away, however is recognising the issue in the first place. Before anyone responds with that.

Nice attempt at a good thread OP, sorry to say but old habits die hard. "

Yes it's really sad how mens feelings are completely dismissed.

Yes no one owes you a reply but you're definitely entitled to have feelings of rejection or other things and it's certainly great to discuss it here in a constructive way.

People would definitely be far more understanding if the genders were reversed.

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By *annaBeStrongMan
over a year ago

wokingham

The trick is to just stop messaging

It’s kinda pointless for most guys. We outnumber women 1000:1 so there’s a big chance your message doesn’t even get opened

Then take into account most women aren’t looking for average, and most people in here are average. So even if your message gets opened there’s a big chance for most of us it gets ignored

I’ve found the best success just making it clear on my profile I don’t message first. Women that are interested and actually meet will message you

Plus, it’s save you so much time from all those perfectly crafted messages so many women say they want

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting...

With all due respect OP, you added me as a friend after making one comment to me in the forums, I accepted yet we've never communicated....Got to be in it to win it, just saying

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By *ellinever70Woman
over a year ago

Ayrshire

"Interesting...

With all due respect OP, you added me as a friend after making one comment to me in the forums, I accepted yet we've never communicated....Got to be in it to win it, just saying "

How come you've not messaged him?

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